May 052017
 

David Innes reviews Craiginches – Life In Aberdeen’s Prison.

If you assume that any book about life in prison, even on the non-felon side of the bars, will tell horror stories of desperate bad-to-the-bone incarcerated people, and of the means used to control them, Bryan Glennie’s memoirs of his long career as a prison officer may come as a surprise.
Although Glennie never loses sight of the fact that prison, its inmates, and its culture can be brutal, and that dangerous situations can arise in the most innocuous circumstances, Craiginches concentrates on the more positive aspects, and rehabilitative opportunities offered to those serving sentences.

Of course, our own former Butlins-By-The-Dee never housed the most dangerous and desperate of miscreants housed in institutions like Peterhead, and the brutality and simmering tensions of such jails are only touched upon briefly when the author is a first-hand witness to the aftermath of a riot in the Blue Toon’s grim Victorian penitentiary.

Rather, Craiginches reveals Glennie’s own admirable belief that the primary purpose of prison is rehabilitation of offenders, and that if such second chances have the dual benefit of improving the communities in which prisons are located, there are no losers.

Thus, the reader will learn of the hard graft and dedication invested by prisoners and staff alike in charitable and community projects in Aberdeen and further afield in the city’s hinterland. The author’s enthusiasm for these, and his staunch belief in such projects’ contribution to prisoner welfare and societal re-integration is heartening.

Craiginches shows too the positive impact of initiatives designed to relieve the boredom and drudgery of cell-life, with art classes, sports events and musical entertainment among the devices employed to lighten the debilitating monotony of prison life.

There are also insights to the comradeship among those in the prison service, and of the change in culture from Officer Mackay-like mistrust and suspicion, to the more-humanised atmosphere in prison that, one hopes, prevails today. And, if the contents are occasionally just a little too homely, this is only because of the author’s admirable optimism and belief in the innate good of misguided people.

Craiginches – Life In Aberdeen’s Prison

Bryan Glennie with Scott Burns
Black & White Publishing
ISBN 978-1-78530-121-6
253 pages

£9.99

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Mar 172017
 

With thanks to Karen Stewart.

Ex Scottish and UK Enduro/Trails Champion Gavin Johnston is gearing up to expand his innovative digital tourism solution UrPal into Glasgow and Edinburgh this April.

UrPal is a unique mobile application to Scotland having already been successful in Inverness with 7,000 users and recently launched in Aberdeen.

The app fills a gap in the market for both tourists and locals alike, giving them comprehensive up to the minute information at their fingertips on everything happening in an area including entertainment, eating out and in, tours, attractions, fitness, accommodation, activities, shops, health, transport and current news.

As well as being valued by users who access the app for free, UrPal is also a valuable source of promotion to local businesses and organisations, statistics say that 70% of online users now use mobile devices to access the web so it’s crucial that businesses are visible on such platforms. Visitors to Scotland are reported to have increased to 15 million annually and UrPal is ideally positioned to serve the growing digital tourism marketplace.

Gavin along with his partner Caren the founders of UrPal met almost 4 years ago in Romania, Gavin had been competing in the Redbull Romaniacs World Extreme Enduro Championship and Caren at the time was travelling for her work in architecture. The couple have now given up these roles to focus solely on UrPal and their other business Aberdeen and Inverness Taxis.

Gavin said

“working on UrPal couldn’t be more different to riding bikes and running a taxi company; I identified the need in the market from hearing  taxi passengers deliberate how to source information they required; Caren and I then put our heads together and planned and launched UrPal in Inverness and Aberdeen in 2016.”

He continued:

“with 7,000 users in Inverness UrPal is proving successful and as well as expanding by location we begin physical tours in April this year, 4 in Aberdeen and 8 in Inverness are already planned to destinations such as Peterhead Prison, Brewdog, Dunnottar and Crathes Castles, Glengarioch Distillery and Castle Fraser; we are really pleased that UrPal is fast becoming the go to place for people looking for things to do, and that it’s having a positive impact on the local economy.”

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Jun 162014
 

Described as ‘Ronnie Barker’s Porridge meets Gene Wilder’s Stir Crazy’, former inmate James Crosbie relates a number of tales of what went on behind the walls of that grim granite fortress once the doors had clanged shut. David Innes reviews.

Peterheid PorridgeIt’s quite apposite that it’s been published now, with, in recent weeks, the replacement prison in the Blue Toon having had its first riot.

Despite the new prison’s much-acclaimed state-of-the-art facilities, beyond the dreams of the old jail’s cons who populate Crosbie’s book, incarceration and loss of freedom must still be the frustrations that fuel the fire of insurrection.

Peterhead Porridge in many ways lifts the lid on the coping strategies developed by prisoners for whom release seems a far-off fantasy and whose biggest enemies are boredom and apathy.

Content to keep his head down and do his time with little fuss and only occasional ducking and diving, Crosbie cannot hide his admiration for those who use humour, very often of the cruellest kind, to relieve the drudgery and make even just a few minutes less mind-numbing.

So, we’re treated to a litany of background anecdotes on nicknames for fellow cons and their enemies the screws, and a succession of accounts of practical jokes, pranks and little victories against the system, all ways of beating the tedium.

In the hyper-macho world behind bars, one-upmanship is all. To lose face is to invite ridicule and among the best parts of Peterhead Porridge are the droll and amusing accounts of circumstances in which the thinkers hold sway over the boastful and aggressive.

There is cruelty too, but Crosbie has left out anything too harrowing as he learns to cope with his loss of freedom, even becoming a regular petitioner for the rights of his peers.

Even if some of the tales fall into the “you had to be there” (er, no thanks) category, there are belly-laugh moments throughout. The key to survival, in the absence of the key to the front door, seems to be to ensure that no weakness is displayed. The lag who let slip his fear of Peterhead’s fearsome seagulls is a hilarious example of the consequences and the recurring theme of a worthwhile series of tales.

Peterhead Porridge by James Crosbie
Black & White Publishing
£7.99

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Nov 142013
 

Dave Innes reviews Peterhead – The Inside Story of Scotland’s Toughest Prison, (Black & White Publishing).

Jeffrey Peterhead book cover

Who’d have thought that Scotland’s most notorious prison was founded for altruistic reasons?
This altruism was not connected with any soft notions of prisoner rehabilitation or second chances in the grim 1880s. Rather, it was the Blue Toon’s geographical situation that brought about the establishment of those grim grey blocks.

The dangers to shipping, including whale boats, during unrelenting North Sea winter storms, and the losses incurred, one suspects, of revenue as well as the rather more expendable human life, were well-known.

Calls were made for a Harbour of Refuge to be built on the corner of NE Scotland to which shipping could head for safety when weather asserted its mastery over the flimsy human-built vessels daring to challenge nature.

And how best to provide cheap labour for this large-scale engineering and construction task? First you build a prison, then you put the convicts to work. You can’t make an oubliette without breaking rocks, it seems.

Jeffrey’s narrative describes the back-breaking, morale-destroying toil involved in constructing both prison and harbour, the latter task taking until 1954 to be completed, 66 years after the prison opened, and locked very quickly, its doors for the first time.

The main narrative, however, tells the tales of some of Peterhead’s more famous occupants, career criminals, casually-violent conscience-free gangsters, sex offenders and other dangers to society.

The names of Paddy Meehan, ‘Gentle’ Johnny Ramensky, TC Campbell, Jimmy Boyle and Oscar Slater are legend. Jeffrey looks behind the often lurid and prurient headlines and popular mythology built around the household names among the incarcerated, and punctures some myths whilst upholding others.

Meehan, for example, whilst framed for a murder committed by McGuinness, was a habitual criminal and his pathos-ridden demise following his pardon and release is almost sad, until you remember the misery he caused during his period as an active criminal.

Ramensky, on the other hand, comes in for more sympathetic treatment, the author almost admiring his athleticism, barrack-room lawyer articulacy, efforts to right injustices within the system and resigned acceptance of his fate on every recapture.

Jeffrey describes, using eye-witness details, the series of riots and prisoner rebellions that have marred ‘The Hate Factory’, including the swift SAS action taken to end the riot and release a warder hostage in 1987. It’s scary stuff.

Whilst the grimness and often-squalid conditions within the jail are always in the background and its harsh, inhospitable location a constant reference, there is room for humour, often cruel, but at times ingenious. Jeffrey relishes describing how long-term guests of Her Majesty would relieve the boredom, almost admiring the simple but audacious scams and practical jokes perpetrated by otherwise hard, desperate men.

This may be the biggest human tragedy of all, obvious intelligence and resourcefulness ultimately wasted on lives of crime and long periods of non-productive incarceration. The author, in juxtaposing institutions where rehabilitation and preparation for reintegration to society are the aims, poses questions that are relevant even in the more enlightened UK prison regimes and culture of the 21st century.

Peterhead – The Inside Story of Scotland’s Toughest Prison by Robert Jeffrey
Black & White Publishing
244 pp
ISBN 9 781845 025380

£9.99

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Apr 062012
 

Old Susannah comments on UK Government proposals to access emails between all citizens in the name of preventing Terrorism.

There will be dancing in the streets, celebrations at public squares (as long as they are vibrant, dynamic and have connectivity), and rejoicing all ‘round: the government has found the way to stop terrorism! Result! Yes, the government is getting rid of terrorism. And your basic right to privacy.

Why didn’t we think of it earlier, we are all wondering. Yes, the Government has decided it has the right to record each and every email you receive and send. And that is how terrorism will be stopped once and for all.

I’m happy to give up my private life forever in order for government snoops to be able to catch the bad guys. I’m thrilled to be treated like a new prison inmate every time I want to get on a plane. I’m sure you are as well.

So what if there are the occasional cases of disabled and/or elderly people being strip searched for having mobility aids. If the occasional frightened child is separated from its parents to be frisked, then so be it. It’s the price we pay for having the fantastic safe and secure lifestyles we have.

It was said by an American founding father, Benjamin Franklin that ‘They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.’ How times have changed.

You could also wonder how secure your business secrets will be when they are intercepted by unknown government spooks. Do people ever mis-use information? Hardly ever. The slightly paranoid J Edgar Hoover kept files on American citizens, and would occasionally blackmail people into doing his bidding. Liberty and Justice for all, except if the FBI wanted you.

That would never happen here. Of course a senior police official was recently found guilty of accessing data on an ex-partner of his right here. I’m sure this was just a one-off, no need to trouble ourselves about it.

It’s also a very good thing that terrorists would never use the Royal Mail. Except for those charming people who sent bombs to Celtic’s manager, that is. No one would ever think of using the post for smuggling, planning terrorist attacks or anything else we should concern ourselves with. Phew!

It would be terrible if there were any civil disobedience over this great move. For instance nothing is stopping you from going to an internet cafe, and creating a free email account under the name of john smith. If enough people did this, and only sent or checked emails at internet cafes, then this little snooping plan of our kind government’s would be toast.

Old Susannah thinks this great scheme might run into a few wee problems anyway. For one thing, I keep getting all sorts of ‘spam’. Multiply all the emails selling you drugs or which try to get your personal details out of you by the country’s population, and you’ll need a bank of computer storage just to keep the spam.

Perhaps we should all go back to sending letters.

If anyone wanted to sign a petition against this great piece of legislation, although I can’t think why they would, the online petition is at http://www.avaaz.org/en/stop_the_big_brother_law_a/?tta

Celebrity Blog from Cattie the Millipede and Milly the Caterpillar

Greetings everyone from our safe house in Torry, where we were airlifted to after our beautiful meadow home on Tullos Hill was destroyed – for a LibDem election pledge. We are surviving the cold snap OK, because we have lots of dead leaves to hide under to keep warm. (gardeners should always leave some dead leaves or other mulch around to keep plants – and creatures like us – warm).

We are even more worried now about our old friends on Tullos Hill. The deer have nowhere near as much gorse to shelter in and it’s cold. The birds lost lots of their shelter too when the gorse was ripped out. We are fine – but we wish our friends were, too.

Election Notes

The Labour Party have announced they would – end the Granite Web in its tracks if elected! Rather than borrowing £140,000,000 to put concrete ramps over our garden, chop down 250 year-old trees to turn into wood chip, they seem to want to spend time and energy on helping people.

Gerry Brough, city employee who has generously volunteered to work on the project is said to be incandescent with rage. So no change there then.

Oct 212011
 

Voice’s Suzanne Kelly was present to witness Wayne Hemingway give a talk to a full house at Robert Gordon’s Business School on the evening of 5th October. The audience was a wide mix of students, lecturers, design practitioners, businesspeople and others (Hemingway kept asking the audience questions to determine who was there, and he tailored his presentation accordingly).

Mr Hemingway gave an illuminating, bespoke talk.  My only criticisms were that the lighting engineer had no clue what type of lighting was appropriate for a slide/video presentation talk where people wanted to take notes (the lights went on and off, up and down for most of the second half), and that those who plan to forever change Union Terrace Gardens weren’t in evidence.
They might have learnt something.

If you think the Hemingway family (Wayne and Gerardine) are associated solely with fashion and the iconic ‘Red or Dead’ brand, you are missing some very important developments – housing developments to be precise.

Wayne saw a very clear need (which alas many planners and construction firms miss) to create places where people would actually want to live, socialise, landscape, play and be proud of. But more on that later.

Hemingway began the talk with his own life and design history.

In his early family years in Blackburn, his family was not wealthy; they valued creativity and imagination. He was on the music and clubbing scene from age 13 or so, and was enthralled by all he saw and heard in these early heady days of punk. He met his future wife and business partner Gerardine in a club, and was impressed with her clear passion and talent for clothes and customising vintage wear.

They got engaged, headed to London, and did typical day jobs (she as a secretary; he in a pub). One month things looked tight for paying the rent, so they decided on the entrepreneurial path and took a stall in Camden Market to sell their own second-hand, vintage clothing. This first outing proved so successful (and I assume enjoyable) that they put their efforts towards buying second hand clothing to sell. They delved into the world of  ‘the rag trade’ literally – buying goods otherwise destined for recycling from the ‘shoddy’ yards.

Few were touching vintage or second hand at the time, and the popularity of their stall grew and grew.

They soon learnt marketing tips such as the importance of where the stall was located in Camden. The now iconic Doc Marten boot was adored by the punk world, but elsewhere just seen as workers’ footwear. A clever deal with Doc Marten saw the duo buying old, damaged DMs in quantity (where the soles were worn through), repairing them (with a family member’s repair solution and friends to help), and selling them on for a considerable profit. The business grew and grew.

Gerardine created a small line of clothing – there were only eight pieces in the whole line – and headed to the very cool Kensington Market to join other designers and artists selling work.  Of all things Macy’s of New York found her there, and placed an order for 200 of each item. With some help from  several friends and relatives who could sew  they were able to fill the order. Out of this growth and interest, ‘Red or Dead’ came to life.

 Wayne had bought a large number of non-working sample watches; these were used to decorate shoes.

An older man in the trade asked Wayne ‘What does Red or Dead stand for?’ In the ensuing conversation this man explained how different brands were clearly aligned to aspirations and values: Weetabix, Nike, etc. – all major brands had a ‘raison d’etre’. Wayne and Gerardine made a list of things they stood for themselves – they were politically active, they came from areas without expensive, fashionable designer wear, they valued creativity and bought affordable items themselves.

It was clear they wanted Red or Dead to be affordable designer clothes. In deciding this they reached out to a sector of the public which had long been ignored. (They also realised that Macy’s did not fit with this direction).

The Red or Dead lines were to be sold through Top Shop (1983) and Miss Selfridge. Topshop at that point used to have no designers – only buyers and “copiers”.  These days it uses established and graduate designers, and the flagship London store also has a vintage section, perhaps a nod to ‘Red or Dead’.

At this time the pair had started paying attention to London Fashion Week, which was still at the time primarily an affair for the affluent. But the ‘powers that be’ at London Fashion Week had noted Red or Dead’s ascent with disdain.

The Hemingway’s dealings with Topshop and Miss Selfridge actually prevented them  from showing at London Fashion week for there years. The Hemingways had ‘demeaned’ fashion, and fashion ‘is about Harrods and Harvey Nicols.’  Or at least this was true to a Fashion Week mandarin.

This rebuff did not hurt Red or Dead sales in the least.

One year when the French were conducting nuclear tests and protestors were demonstrating against the tests around the world, London Fashion Week saw some drama courtesy of Red or Dead. “Non a Nuclear” banners provided the backdrop to the Read or Dead collection and French buyers were banned from the RoD show (which accounted for about a quarter of the buying audience normally – this exclusion was a considerable financial gamble).

Wayne explained he and Gerardine were willing to lose this custom in favour of making a political statement and appealing to and showing solidarity with the environmentalists – a growing movement in terms of visibility and economic power. What was going to be the public, media and market reaction to this show? The Hemingways went home.

Watching the national news some hours later, an item opened with a protest outside the French Embassy at Trafalgar Square.

Then the news item cut directly to the Red or Dead Fashion show.

All the media had picked up the story – and the phone started ringing. Wayne and Gerardine were being summoned that same night to talk to the press – the story of their show had veritably gone global.

Sales increased some 400% around the Red or Dead shops (which by now were in many countries). Corporate takeover advances soon came, and the Hemingways decided to sell. It was time for another adventure.

Wayne had interspersed this biographical talk with some sage business advice – the willingness to take risks, the way in which he delved deeply into the workings of the fashion industry from the lowly shoddy yards to the high end and London Fashion Week; all of which contributed learning experiences leading to success. (And by the way, apparently he is a very early riser, proving there must be some truth in the old ‘early to bed, early to rise…’ adage).

Wayne tells the audience:

“You learn absolutely every day; you need an ability to graft; there is never a day I get up after 5am.

“Creative minds don’t switch off… it’s how you get those ideas realised – graft and recognising which ideas can work… you need friends and good minds behind you.”

He also said without any false, unnecessary modesty how good he and Gerardine were at putting excellent teams together.

Turning from fashion to architecture and housing was the new direction. Boris Johnson had asked Wayne to be a ‘London Leader’, which involved working with the Mayor on a voluntary basis on projects and ideas to make London better.   At this point the talk turns from fashion history to the future of our cities.

“We’ve allowed our High Streets to become ‘clone’ High Streets.”  Hemingway says, and no one can argue with that.

He discusses his contribution to Boris Johnson’s project, which was ‘KiosKiosk’ – moveable, affordable (need I say it – well-designed) designer boutiques on wheels, seen at various London icons such as the Wheel.  These offer young designers a chance to meet the world head on – and since a stall at Camden Market is now extremely expensive, this offers others the kind of break the Hemingways had at the start.

Hemingway also applauds the model of ‘pop-up’ shops and restaurants, which have taken London by storm, and which have reached Aberdeen (for instance Emma Noble’s and Toni Roddie’s S.T.A.G Studio events at Korova – 19 November).

Hemingway references an article he wrote, “Why I Hate The Creeping Suburbs” in which he describes the Wimpeyfication and ‘Barratification’ of Britain.

The issues surrounding ‘urban sprawl’ are now recognised by the United Nations (as well as by most serious, thoughtful local planners); our ecology and biodiversity are not all that is at stake – our very health is jeopardised by the cities and suburbs over spilling into the countryside (increasing asthma and heart problems come with increased pollution; obesity from lack of exercise as we all commute to and from the cities to work, alcoholism increases, and so do social problems).

As a designer who has identified a problem does, Wayne decided to ‘look inside’ the issue, ‘see what he already knew’ about housing, and propose solutions.

He showed poignant photos at this point – a fairly new housing development which clearly looked more like a prison or factory; a beautiful Victorian pub turned into a block of (very unattractive, compact) flats, and a Liverpool street which once offered small, good first homes, now earmarked for high-rise flats.

He cautioned that mortgage companies (which could have provided mortgages for people to fix and modernise the existing homes on that Liverpool street) are dictating the state of our housing by what they will lend money for.  They seem to favour mortgages for new properties and turn down those who want to refurbish and improve properties.

The old Victorian homes may leak carbon, but they have been around for one hundred years, and thus have less of a carbon footprint than the alternative of tearing them down to make flats.

Wayne has designed housing estates which have very few, if any, equals in the UK.

There are leisure spaces for families (sand, trees, tables, different levels, etc. – some of the best design work he ever did, he tells us), and community gardens.  No one vandalises these (or the outdoor communal Ping-Pong table) because everyone’s families had a hand in creating and designing them in the first place.  The design for these estates started with people first and what they wanted and liked – the actual housing came second to the people.

Wayne ends with some great footage of his and Gerardine’s ‘Museum of Lost Content’ (a home for vintage design which might otherwise be forgotten) and the Vintage event – a massive ‘happening’ (for lack of a better word) held last year at London’s Southbank.

This festival combines decades of design and fashion, iconic music, bands, events and everything that celebrates Britain you can imagine in one place.   It was attended by thousands.  As words fail me, I suggest you visit http://www.vintagebyhemingway.co.uk/ and let the design do the talking.

Wayne also discussed photos he has of an Aberdeen estate; there are signs prohibiting virtually every kind of activity a child (or adult) might want to indulge in, including the dreaded ‘ball-playing.’

Question time arrives, and I am dying to ask for a comment on the future of our Union Terrace Gardens then and there.  However I decide that once the designs are unveiled, I will contact Hemingway.  I have no doubt he will have something useful to say after tonight’s talk.  It was a valuable and thought-provoking evening, and I was glad for this glimpse into ‘Wayne’s World.’

May 202011
 

Voice’s Old Susannah casts her eye over recent events, stories, and terms and phrases familiar as well as freshly ‘spun’, which will be forever etched in the consciousness of the people of Aberdeen and the Northeast.

With a tear in my eye I bid farewell to ex councillor Scott Cassie; he’s been sent down for a year.  No, not for the moustache, hair and other crimes against fashion, but for years of borrowing your money and mine at very favourable terms.  Over the years a large (but unknown) sum of or money has disappeared into a black hole and appears to have benefitted Mr Cassie.  As clever as they usually are about money, none of his Lib Dem political party mates knew anything about the missing money, even though it was going on for some 10 years.

My favourite bit of this tale is about an alleged forgery.

It seems someone faked the signature of an ex Garthdee Community Councillor on some accounts involved in the scams. The fact the woman whose signature was seemingly forged was partially blind, over 70, and no longer involved with the council were no barrier to the intelligence of the thief or thieves who thought they’d sign her name.
A year in jail for Cassie – but will there be an investigation leading to others going down? This would probably just be a waste of taxpayer money (and we can’t have that); his lovely wife was cleared of knowing anything at all. Which is obviously true, say her former friends.

It would not be fair to expect our Council to figure out things any faster than they did. After all, there was the £50 million hole in the City’s finances to deal with for one thing. Then more recently we had an enterprising social worker who decided she needed lots of goods for herself, and there is the council employee who has made off with a five-figure sum. Just because the thefts weren’t picked up over the past several years is no reason to think Cassie wasn’t on his own in the crimes.

It was very noble of him to become an independent councillor so as not to tarnish the good name of his former political party – which like everyone else didn’t know anything was going on.  Obviously he had no intention of standing down – there was a street named after him, and all those people who needed his help.  And of course there was the money.  The way he continued to vote on important measures while siphoning funds shows a kind of dedication that few possess.

The fact that he often voted the same way as his former party the Lib Dems wanted just shows he had true conviction back then, just like the conviction he definitely has now. But don’t lose any sleep – we still have enough money to clean buildings and erect statues.   With time off for good behaviour and his great character, he’ll probably be back in his local this time next week.

Justice has come to two other people this week. First fox-hunting golfer Donald Forbes has finally been fined £750 for battering a wild, savage, giant, dangerous fox with a golf club.

As well as looking for a new place to play golf, Forbes might need a new job, since he is clearly rather confused and forgetful. First he told people he’d clubbed the fox. Then he said he didn’t. Then he said he told the fox to leave his golf bag alone but the fox didn’t respond (very rude fox).

Then the fox was transformed in his story into some kind of sabre-toothed tiger giant killer which he thought was going to kill him. Then he might have hit the fox. If he can’t remember whether or not he inflicted the life-threatening beast with life-threatening injuries, perhaps he’s too confused to continue in whatever job he has?

And spare a thought for child-battering Cove apprentice Matthew Brown.

Brown, 20 decided to head-butt a 12 year old boy some months back for daring to wear a Celtic strip in public. Brown will do community service and pay a fine, and is banned from his club. His barrister said that Brown’s actions already had consequences. I’d never realised actions had consequences before this, and have made a note for future reference.

Anyway, time for a quick definition before I get my picnic hamper out for the Tullos Hill picnic this Sunday at 3pm – see you there I hope. We will be trying to see wildflowers and wildlife – or was that wildfires?
https://aberdeenvoice.com/2011/05/tullos-hill-ablaze/

Either way, Tullos Hill provides an iconic, vibrant civic heart in the countryside. However, it would be better if it had walk-on/walk-off access from all sides, and the unsightly Wellington Road were covered over, too. Perhaps we could have a coffee shop and some parking to go with the unwanted 40,000 trees?

We are supposed to think the trees will spell the end for the decades of arson that have flourished on the hill. If nothing else, the trees will spell the end for the orchids, deer and other wildlife that have flourished on the hill. Thank you Ms Malone. And don’t worry – just because you are ramming this tree scheme down everyone’s throat, no one will ever hold you accountable for any future forest fires or the destruction of the creatures which live there now; most of which don’t even pay tax. If the arsonists are at work I’m ready – I’ve bought lots of marshmallows to toast.

Denial

noun 1. A river near de pyramids.
noun 2. a mental state characterised by refusal to accept facts. A childlike inability to accept a particular truth or truths.

Perhaps a few examples of denial will help clarify the word’s meaning. Councillor Aileen Malone is in denial over her scheme to kill a deer for every citizen – sorry – plant a tree for every citizen.   She thinks only a cull will do – and she thinks the trees must be planted.

A few thousand people might be against her; the local community councils are outraged – but she knows best.  She recently told one of the local newspapers the cull would just go ahead and things would quiet down. Sounds like denial to Old Susannah. I was there at the Committee meeting trying to speak; so was a representative of Nigg Community Council.

HoMalone led the refusal to allow speakers to address the committee; she reminded me of a child putting its hands over its ears and singing when being told something it didn’t like. Malone told the press that the committee:

“…hopes we can now get on with the scheme to plant a tree for every citizen, which we are desperate to do.”

She may be a desperate creature indeed, but who exactly is really, really desperate to plant these trees? Is anyone in St Nicholas House just as desperate say to improve the schools, services, roads, care homes, run-down properties which this city has in spades? Apparently not. Malone’s got her mantra ‘a tree for every citizen’ and nothing will stop it – not common sense, not fair play, not democracy, not openness, not arsonists, and certainly not community councils or deer. Got to admire her strength of will if not strength of character.

Another textbook example of denial comes from me, I am sorry to say.

The PR team backing the Malcolm Read Union Terrace Gardens scheme wants me to admit that they are right and the Friends of Union Terrace Gardens and I are wrong – well, about everything. I wrote to a Ms Zoe Corsi for information – I wrongly believed the majority wanted the gardens left alone, and I expressed concern over wildlife, and how Peacock had been treated.

She wrote back to correct my obvious error over the popularity of plans to raise the gardens.

It must be denial on my part, because I thought the majority of people in Aberdeen wanted the gardens left alone. Obviously such people just aren’t clever enough to see how wonderful a shopping mall, international cafe and car parking will be – probably because we have no experience of these treasures. I even think the whole scheme is just a land-grab by the rich of a city centre real estate opportunity, so obviously my judgment is well off.

Anyway, I thought that since over 700 people objected to changing UTG in the recent local plan consultation (ugh – that word ‘consultation’ again) and less than 10 people wrote in wanting the gardens filled in that this indicated some kind of majority against the scheme. I also thought the initial consultation was flawed – but it still showed people want the gardens to stay as they are. Ms Corsi’s attempt to straighten my flawed thinking out includes the following:-

“Firstly, it is incorrect to say that the majority of Aberdeen residents want the gardens left as they are. We are aware that friends of Union Terrace Gardens want to retain the gardens in their current form but we are also aware of the widespread support for the project.

“The consultation carried out in early 2009 revealed that just under 50% of the 11,000 who participated – less than 10% of the population – were very much for the project and of those who were opposed to it, largely based on erroneous information, the majority indicated they wanted change and felt the gardens were inaccessible and under-used”

You see – my understanding is ‘erroneous information’, and her information is correct. For those of you who like me think the gardens should stay as they are – accept it: we are wrong, and we are in denial. Should I send her an apology?

Quiz results:- ( from last week )

Question 1: Billionaire Sir Ian Wood had his photo in the Evening Express this week on the occasion of having been put on the UK’s rich list.  He posed in front of a verdant green background ablaze with red flowers, against a dramatic Aberdeen city centre skyline.  Where was this eyesore, and what should become of it?

Answer: the eyesore Wood was in front of Union Terrace Gardens.  He may need some cosmetic work done – but the gardens should be left alone.

Question 2: Match the cartoon character in Aberdeen with their fictional counterpart
Reasons of space prevent me from giving the answers – which you all got right anyway.

Question 3: What percentage of £50,000,000 (the sum Sir Ian promises for his Union Terrace Garden parking lot) would £225,000 (the sum demanded not to shoot the Tullos Hill Roe deer) represent?

Answer: d.  0.5% (approx)

At the time of writing, none of our altruistic millionaires or billionaires have done anything to help.  One is probably busy putting most of his employees offshore to avoid paying UK tax, and the other notable figure that springs to mind is busy on a court case where he is seemingly trying to pay money to Aberdeen City over a land deal.

Question 4: Which is an endangered species:  The Tullos Hill Roe Deer or the Liberal Democrats, which were so badly wounded in the recent election.  Deer, Dems – or both?

Answer: The Roe Deer at least  have thousands of people who want to help them – the LibDems certainly have nothing like that.  We may see the end of this species yet.

Question 5:

(a) Tiebreaker (answer question of your choice):  How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answers included:

‘that’s not funny’,

‘we don’t have enough money to change any lightbulbs’,

‘depends what David Cameron says’ – and a few other answers which are not fit for publication – but are very funny indeed.

(b) Why did the LibDem cross the road?

Answers included:

‘they were just moving to the right’,

‘they saw a mob of taxpayers and legged it’ – and again other responses not fit for a family publication.

 

The winner of the competition has asked to remain anonymous – they are connected to the Council, and reading the Aberdeen Voice is a no-no.  But our Brewdog appointment is set.

Next week:  more definitions and some updates…