The Wireless ah the memories O listenin fin I wis a loon On dark winters nichts roon the fire Oor Ecko radio it sure wis a boon . There wis Dick Barton Special Agent Fa took on aa the baddies It fair sharpened the imagination O fowk like us as laddies . Paul Temple an ace dectective As weel as yon PC49 Solvin aa the nations crimes Their adventures I likit fine . Fin I wis a bittie younger Tammy Troot wis aa the rage His escapades in the river Held yer attention for an age . Setterday nicht jist efter tea Ye sat an listen’t ti the story O a Glesga faimily’s daily lives The McFlannels wis nivver gory
Scottish Dance Music we aye likit Wi Jimmy Shand an Adam Rennie Their bands hid ye tappin yer feet Jimmy an Adam were twa o’ many . Sports Report on the Licht Programme Gied ye aa the fitba scores Ye hid reports on the horse racin As weel as Oxford an Cambridge rowers . Jet Morgan an his grand adventures In the programme “Journey Into Space” Hid ye jumpin up an doon Wid he vanish withoot a trace . Comedy shows like Take It From Here Wid hae ye laachin loud an lang The Goons hid ye in stitches ti Wi their funny “Ying Tong” sang . Their wis ither delights on the radio Faar ower mony ti write doon This his bin jist a flavour O the wireless fin I wis a loon
I had delved into the world of comedy once before at Korova but was unprepared for the barrel of laughs that awaited me at The Belmont Picturehouse, given that this was meant to be breathing space for amateurs trying out untested material.
…and all for the fat sum of absolutely nothing. They say you get what you pay for; in this instance I got much more, and got my ‘time’s worth’ too.
Vincent Price, relatively new to comedy, was compere as the ‘Red’ and ‘Green’ teams battled it out for comic supremacy. Member of the audience were to lift either a Red or Green card depending on which side’s performance they preferred.
A quirky fellow, he declared his love for all things Crystal Maze, as Scott Ironside did The Karate Kid at Korova weeks before.
From Eighties films to Nineties television shows, the distance between the two is as much as that between Korova and The Belmont Picturehouse itself. It’s a generation thing, man. At least he wouldn’t be standing in front of as many blank, young faces.
One of the biggest laughs was his discussion of eccentricity; which he inimitably likened to being slightly crazy, yet very wealthy. In other words, you’re a dirty bastard if you’re a layman distinguishing fires with your own piss; but a duke doing the same would just be a rogue.
Patrick Brusnhan teamed up with Sarah Clark on the red side of the room; and Peter Wood and Robert Starr were green, good to go and ready to kick-off the debate – the only comedy debate in Scotland.
First was the pertinent issue of horse meat in Tesco burgers. Wood in favour, and tongue in cheek, said he couldn’t be bothered with famous smug vegetarian bastards, namely the brontosaurus.
Price later remarked that he could have said Ghandi or Hitler, though maybe the flippancy of it all was lost on him?
So Wood instantly got everyone on side, and although Brusnhan got laughs comparing the majesty of a horse to that of the rather boring bovine species; he was left standing, dust in face, and last, in this particular horse race.
0-1 (Wood). Greens ahead in first joust.
Now for poetry. Starr for its abolition, versus Clark for its retention.
Starr, undoubtedly funny and very clever, said things that were over my head, in the least; though the crowd thought differently.
However, Clarkwas quick on her feet, and encouraged crowd participation. Thought to be caught on the hop when urged to rhyme upon the poetic significance of shoes, or rather a shoe, she came up trumps with witty couplet.
Not one for screaming hilarity, but mournful. Quite sad, the lonely shoe. The crowd, registering surprise, applauded because it was inappropriate…and very funny.
1-1 (Clark). Reds back in the game.
Next up was the ultimate comedy bugbear, a profitable one at that. That of America. Obesity for Wood, and Mormons for Brushan.
Being a Catholic, Brusnhan was able to lay into them, or rather, Mitt Romney, with a veracity and intelligence that had most in stitches.
Swearing, stock and trade for many a comic, usually works fantastic for broad Aberdonians like Wood, but the fat jokes took a while to get off the ground, and consequently flagged a bit.
2-1 (Brusnhan). Reds ahead.
The biggest challenge of all, it seemed, was the ‘change’ game. The participants were given a topic, and, at the behest of compere Price, they had to change their opinion on that topic at the drop of a hat.
The speed at which these mental gymnastics were urged, was at times more apt to that of the flash of a blade. Consequently, the crowd got some of the biggest laughs out of a mixture of on-target rapid fire, and participants shooting oneself in the foot.
To ‘change’ upon the subject of dancing for Wood was no problem, he having, infamously, once been a member of a Logie-based boy band.
The frenetic manner in which he’d chop between slick choreography, and impassioned hatred of all things ‘feet to the swing of the beat’, was a consistently arresting spectacle; if not always entirely on-point in the humour stakes.
Then came time for Starr to shine. He had to ‘change’ upon hitting the gym. This time round, sheer enthusiasm shot him through, with press ups and pull ups to aid his story. Not one for being upstaged by the dance moves of Wood, he pushed valiantly to get the laughs and succeeded.
For Brusnhan to ‘change’ upon cars was as hard for him as it is to change the tyres on his old banger. He cursed Price for stealing his thunder. That being that in the latter’s introduction he revealed to the crowd Brusnhan and his car troubles.
A faltering start, no doubt unaided by the precious seconds Price had stolen, soon gave way to punctuating silences with the names of car parts and other randomly shouted car-related jargon; this time aided by a sympathetic Price.
A bit of a car crash to watch; but at the same time very funny, despite his piece not going to plan.
Even Clarkhad to admit to herself that the cut and thrust of having to ‘change’ rapidly upon that most Scottish of traditions, the kilt, was most taxing. She did well, but the biggest laugh came when she had to admit she wasn’t too sure if she were for or against the customs of her homeland.
2-2 (Wood).
Before the tiebreaker, the big guns came on for some proper stand-up.
Robert McKelvie came on to ponder NetFlix, an online television watching phenomenon these past few years. He was very confident, articulate and commanded the stage quite well. It was clever how he compared his resultant fixation with Dexter and the prompting of NetFlix to watch that one more episode, to the affliction of chasing the dragon.
The heroin-esque overtones were clever, and enjoyed by many – not so much myself. It seemed to raise fairly serious, though admittedly skewed for comic purposes, issues of how NetFlix invades privacy with automatic updates on Facebook of how you’ve been watching Dexter at half four in the morning…
Apparently it was his first ever time onstage, so it was fantastic in that respect.
Gregor Wappler came on afterwards with a set similar to that performed at the aforementioned Korova event.
With the final act over, it was time for the anticipated tiebreaker. Your erstwhile reviewer couldn’t resist, when the crowd were urged to choose the subject matter for winner-takes-all, shouting “Danny Glover”; for his name had been called elsewhere earlier on and had been ignored.
2-3 (Wood) for sheer film references. Funniest moment that night, easily.
Not only was this my debut inside what is regarded as hipster central, Korova, but it was also my first taste of stand up comedy. I’d never seen a live comedian in my life, and I ended up seeing eight of them – for £3!
Compere and all-round angry New Deer resident Scott Ironside introduced each of them with a mixture of hollering and urging audience members onto the stage to make noises of animals in various levels of distress.
Take for example the unfortunate giraffe with his shoe laces tied together, falling upon a tinfoil Ford Fiesta.
Before all that, though, he warmed up proceedings with his own set, only to be infuriated by the lack of knowledge within his relatively young audience regarding Eighties silver screen staples like The Karate Kid.
It was to be a night whereby the participants got just as many laughs for jokes that fell flat on their proverbial as they did for their comic genius. Thankfully they were self-deprecating enough to have a laugh at their own expense when unsuccessfully plumping for the latter.
First up was Peter Wood, who endeared himself to the audience declaring his diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). It made things a tad awkward, but mercifully much of his material was pinned upon this without seeking sympathy.
The biggest laugh came when recounting his stint in a boy band, based in – his words! – “minky” Logie, which he told the audience was like Torry, but worse.
Having put together a masterful first verse for their Northsound demo tape, they clubbed together their poetic ingenuity for a second. They perfected a dance routine, complete with a question mark drawn through the air in adage to unrequited love, and headed off to Northsound studios only to be told to piss off by security. And leave vehicles in the car park alone.
Next was Wray Thomson, who sought kinship with fellow men and women of Fraserburgh and found none. Nevertheless, the Brocher ploughed on with a hilarious anecdote on the dangers of solitary exercise. What he meant, of course, was the frenzy a man works up within himself when he doesn’t masturbate for a week.
Anyway, in a bid to avoid his mother catching a glimpse of the semen in his eyes, he turned over only to expose the screwdriver lodged up his backside.
Carrying on in the same vein, he nearly brought the house down with a smutty one-liner
A representative from a far off land called Milton Keynes stepped on the staged afterwards, a man by the name of Jason Murphy. There were some laughs, but most of the routine was unremarkable and largely fell on deaf ears. I suppose it didn’t help that his final act was thwarted by an out of tune guitar.
Then when I saw Neil Skene being motioned towards the stage by a helper, I thought that perhaps he was nervous. Turns out he’s blind, though this vulnerability belied a wicked, often caustic sense of humour.
Not one to be patronised, he set off by beseeching the audience regarding widespread attitudes to blind people, yet to have a little sympathy when the girls are in skimpy clothes during summertime and he can’t see a damned thing.
Carrying on in the same vein, he nearly brought the house down with a smutty one-liner.
When his wife, whispering sweet nothings into his ear and describing, sensuously, herself from top to bottom, spoke of her “shaven haven” he had only one thing to say.
‘So that’s the plug blocked again, then?’
A tough act to follow, Gregor Wappler did his best. He was a bit of a bastard, really! His routine concerned one night stands and all things non-committal.
The best bit was when he recounted an argument with an ex-long-term girlfriend regarding kitchen condiments. This raged on for days, and, likening the two of them to a ‘real’ couple, they didn’t even talk when shopping for groceries.
Sick of the tension, he combated it the best way he could. Disarming the hostility, he thought, would only require a simple question.
‘Is this about the vinegar?’
Silly man. Cue instantaneous dropping of baskets and dead eye stares not only from the missus, but from other henpeckers in solidarity against chauvinist pigs.
Grabbing the main support slot was Robin Valo, a strange chino-wearing chap whose own appearance was the butt of his own jokes. A good chunk of the audience enjoyed his stand-up, though I found it – to be particular! – only mildly funny. Some of it was very clever, though, so it was humorous in that respect.
Finally came Andrew Learmonth. This guy simultaneously brought half the house down, whilst leaving the others cringing with their heads in their hands. Was he for real? Was it calculated, or, like the ‘screwdriver incident’, was it true?
His hatred of all things Kilmarnock (bad gig, you see) and his fervent desire for his best mate’s wife combined in a set that was as much funny as it was the masterstroke of an accomplished actor.
Perhaps he was a parody of himself, one partly based on reality? The best actors share a likeness to their roles.
Is it really possible to walk on fire? If so, is it the supernatural at work, mind over matter or the power of physics? Aberdeen Voice’s Nicola McNally asked Be Free about their forthcoming Firewalk event.
In the Northern Hemisphere, the sun is rising later now, and nightfall comes sooner. The time of Autumn equinox is here.
In traditional sky lore, the Harvest Moon is the full moon closest to the autumnal equinox. In 2012, for us in the Northern Hemisphere, the autumnal equinox comes on September 22.
That makes the September 29-30 full moon the Harvest Moon.
Be Free’s next motivational/personal empowerment event will be a timely Fire Walk at Haddo House on 29th September 1pm-5pm.
Firewalking participants will be guided by international motivation coach, Graeme Pyper, and given the opportunity to fire walk this equinox in the beautiful setting of Haddo House.
Graeme Pyper has worked in the field of Human Potential Coaching for over two decades. Having started in sports excellence, he can now be seen bringing his experience to an international audience. Graeme is the founder of Be Free, and he is supported by the Be Free Team when delivering his bespoke training.
Graeme is a lively character who has been known on occasion to dip his toe into the stand- up comedy circuit, which he explains is the counter balance to working as a practitioner / trainer in such areas as hypnosis, NLP, Corporate Stress Management, Social Work, Cognitive Restructuring, Restorative Justice, Conflict Resolution and BSL.
Graeme spent many years studying the cognitive arts, spending time with teachers from many cultures. He has a remarkable way of bringing his teachings to life and making them real for the individual situations of each audience member. Among the empowerment tools Graeme uses are fire walking and glass walking. In 2008 he set a new world record for the longest fire walk at Archaelink, Oyne.
Through the years Graeme has been asked by various bodies, including The Scottish Government and local authorities to have input on positive behavioural change programmes. Graeme was instrumental in developing a youth justice service from concept through to delivery which was recommended for an award at The Howard League in 2012. The service was shortlisted out of two thousand nominations.
Be Free’s Firewalk events are ever popular. Participants may complete their walk for their own charitable causes and personal empowerment reasons. Anyone considering trying their first firewalk is encouraged to get in touch.
You can join Be Free at this September event by contacting the team for further information:
A quest for recognition for the wonderful Doric comedian, Dufton Scott. By Katie Scott on behalf of the Scott family.
One of my earliest recollections (aged about 6) is nursing an orphaned baby lamb in the kitchen of my Uncle’s Willie’s Cothal farmhouse. I remember begging his wife, my lovely Auntie Betty, to ‘speak in English’ so I could better understand her wonderful stories and tales.
Every long golden summer of my childhood was wrapped in the delightful Doric language of my relatives – we (my mum, sisters, brother and I) travelled the long journey from England each year – my mother’s accent changing with each mile north we travelled till it finally reverted to the language of her own childhood and matched that of the Doric spoken by her sister (my Aunty Betty) and my father’s brother, George Scott.
He used to run the newsagent and booksellers in Inverurie; Dufton Scott and Son. You may remember it? The building belongs to Kellas Solicitors now.
I was born in Nottingham in 1956, the youngest of four children. My father, Gavin Scott (George’s brother), had moved with my mother (Janet Monro) to England after the war. My father was named after his father’s good friend and colleague, Gavin Greig. Greig was a folksong collector, playwright and teacher. My Grandfather (Greig’s friend) was Dufton Scott.
Dufton Scott gained great fame in Scotland as an entertainer and humourist. (You can read more about him at the North East Folk Archive ). Dufton died before I was born but I have discovered a lot about him, and I now find myself with a mission – and that mission is to bring my grandfather’s work to the attention of all Doric speakers and lovers of North East Scotland. I am trying to have a commemorative plaque erected in Inverurie; let me tell you a little bit more about this quest.
In April 2010 my brother (also named Gavin Scott) died leaving no children. He was the last of that Scott line. (Children born to my sisters and I have taken their fathers’ names).
Gavin’s death provoked a strong desire in me to find my roots. I began to trace our family tree (you may be interested to hear that I discovered that Robert Paterson, of the ‘Turra Coo’ fame, is my second cousin, on my mother’s side). However, I became more and more fascinated with Dufton Scott and his work.
We sisters, Rosalind, Norma and I, talked for a long time about our childhood memories, and we all vividly remember listening to scratchy old 78 records of Dufton’s incomprehensible language telling his funny tales of farm workers and their masters, men and women, lawyers and farm servants.
We also had a couple of his books – equally impossible for us English youngsters to comprehend (Norma fared a little better, having the advantage of at least being born in Scotland).
It was just an oddity to us then, but as I have grown older, I’ve come to realise the great significance of these stories and of the man, Dufton Scott.
The Quest is going well I am pleased to report – Hamish Duthie from Kellas Solicitors has kindly agreed to the plaque being erected on their property. Malcolm White, a Development Services Assistant (Buchan & Garioch) is helping me with the legal aspects. We are hoping to hold a celebration of the unveiling of the plaque during the Doric festival next year.
Several people have offered help and support with this, notably Sandy Stronach, the Director of the Doric Festival: www.thedoricfestival.com, Charles Barron, who is a retired academic and Doric playwright: www.charlesbarron.co.uk and Lorna Alexander, Doric writer and story teller.
Have you heard of Dufton Scott before now? How do you feel about our quest? Can you offer any ideas or support ? I will write again on this subject when we have more news.
Aberdeen Voice presents the third of a six-part tragedy by Jonathan Russell concerning the decimation of services for disabled people in Aberdeen – and asks what we can do to reverse the destruction.
A Comedy of Errors Meets MacBeth: Act I.
In last week’s article the work of the Community Placement Team was described and the challenges it faced outlined.
The Community Placement Team’s good practice had been highlighted in the Social Work Inspectorate Report as one of the few areas of good practice in Social Work Services within Aberdeen City Council.
What follows is the story of how managers, criticised in the Social Work Inspectorate Report (for amongst other things their lack of engagement with the front line) then went on to close the team down.
Two weeks after the publication of the Social Work Inspection Report the then management of Learning Disability Services informed me as Team Leader that the team was to have a budget of £200,000. Management had no idea what the actual budget allocated was: but this would have meant a halving of the team’s budget.
Staff had just received a re-grading as part of the Single Status agreement, so in terms of service delivery, the cuts were even potentially more than fifty percent.
Following the Council meeting to agree cuts to budgets, we met with the Head of Service. He informed us that a cut had been made in the Supported Employment budget, which he said included our team. I questioned whether they had actually cut the right budget, as this was not the Community Placement Team Budget. The Head of Service said he would investigate and reply to us.
As usual in such situations we received no reply. However what we ourselves discovered was they had cut (with council approval) a grant from the Department of Work and Pensions. This was not in their jurisdiction to cut, and could not possibly make any savings to the council.
The budget they cut was Workstep, which supported people with disabilities find and retain jobs in the open market. The Community Placement Team operated this service, but had no control of the budget. We had challenged management on a number of occasions that the budget received from the Department of Work and Pensions was not being fully utilized or used appropriately. The Workstep scheme supported clients in full time work – including those employed by Glencraft, the well-known social business in the city for people with visual and other disabilities.
In reality this budget cut made no savings, and the Community Placement Team at this stage was still intact.
We did however lose two excellent staff members who left for other work due to the obvious insecurity of the situation. The Head of Service also ended the partnership we had had with Cornerstone, telling us that Cornerstone were ‘rubbish’ (at a later stage he told us that Cornerstone were ‘much better’ than us). We lost from this process another excellent team member who moved – like many other staff in the council – to Aberdeenshire Council.
On top of this there had been a whole series of meetings of top officials within the council about disability services. These meetings did not involve front-line staff.
Clients with a physical disability were particularly affected by these cuts
What happened as a result was the closure of Aye Can – a social business aimed at those with more complex needs – and as the name suggests, re-cycling. Aye Can received much of its operating costs through the landfill levy at no cost to the council, but this was not taken into account when making the cut.
Inspire – with support from the Scottish Government and Sir Ian Wood – heralded that they would take over and improve on Aye Can.
The type of clients they were looking for were the more able ones. These would often have been clients who would have been able enough to be in more inclusive work settings in the community. Of course in the end, money having been spent on new premises and it being heralded as the way forward (with clients being paid proper wages) it never re-opened, and was lost as a service. More recently Garden Crafts, a similar social business, has been closed.
The next development was the introduction of Eligibility Criteria: which was a way for the council to say no to providing services to the community, and restricting what as a council it would provide.
Management said that this would mean that we could no longer provide any of our leisure activities, as they did not fit the criteria, and all leisure groups were closed down. Clients with a physical disability were particularly affected by these cuts, but so were those with a learning disability.
Supports to many in employment ended. Of course management would later deny having cut leisure services.
In the coming weeks, further articles will be published, written by the ex-Team Leader of the then Community Placement Team, documenting what happened, and making suggestions for the future of services for people with disabilities in Aberdeen City. Read the fourth part of this six part tragedy, subtitled ‘A Comedy of Errors Meets MacBeth: Act II’ in Aberdeen Voice next week.
Last week’s Voice featured Aberdeen entertainment iconSid Ozalid, his life, his act, his impact, the release of his new book, and news of ‘not to be missed’ performances in the city. Well, If you did happen to miss out on catching Sid live on Friday and Saturday, then fash yersel not – this week we present a brief account of the missed mayhem, and a poem from ‘Mr Elastic Brain’.
Sid Ozalid jetted in from Sunny Amsterdam last Friday for a whistle stop tour of Aberdeen to promote his fab new book ‘Mr Elastic Brain – The Life and Poems of Sid Ozalid’.
The previous week he had done three gigs in London and the week before that three gigs in Holland, so he was keen to make it a hat trick and do three gigs in Aberdeen.
This meant two gigs on Friday night and a book signing/performance at 1UP on the Sat afternoon.
Below – Sid Ozalid performs ‘Tartan Underpants’ accompanied by Dave McLeod.
Lots of people made one gig, a few brave people made it along to two gigs, but apart from Sid and his lovely wife only one person made it to all three: a Mr Colin MacLean who had driven up from the Kingdom of Fife to see Sid after an absence of 26 years.
Colin and Sid had performed together in 1977 in one of Aberdeen’s first punk bands, ‘The Enormous Snakes,’ and Colin had gone on to work with Sid as one of his All-Stars over a number of years, taking in the Edinburgh Festival and supporting The Clash at Inverness Ice Rink.
The first two gigs sizzled with professionalism, wit and dancing. The 24 year-old MC at Geesalaff Comedy Night, Miss Anna Devitt said:
“I was exhausted just watching; he was non-stop, how can someone this old have so much energy? My mum is a big fan and told me to get one of his books, the book truly is amazing, so I told mum to get her own copy.”
The third gig at 1UP, the sole suppliers of Sid’s book in Aberdeen, was the most surreal by far.
Sid performed ‘Salvador Dali’s Hat’, ‘Three Fat Ladies at the Bingo Hall,’ and thrashed himself with a daisy — but nothing had prepared him for two drunk shoppers and a man in an electric wheel chair.
The drunk shoppers really giggled at Sid’s antics, but thought nothing of standing next to him flicking through CD’s and asking his opinion on Hip Hop and Jazz classics.
Sid took all of this in his stride and was set the extra challenge of being nimble on his feet when the electric wheelchair man was so taken by the performance he decided to join in, whizzing to the stage and joining Sid on the first electric wheelchair elastic brain dance routine ever seen in Aberdeen. Sid may well have been the dance teacher to the Queen at one time in his life, but nothing had prepared him for this!!
Some nice people had ordered Sid’s book from Amazon and brought it along to be signed, and other nice people bought copies of the book at 1UP, and there then followed a good half hour of chatting and book signing.
A special mention must go to Fred Craig of 1UP who had brought along one of Sid’s original book/records from 1982 ‘Songs and Stories from a Suitcase Extravaganza.’ Fred wanted this signed, and in return Sid was rewarded with a well deserved cup of tea.
With all profits going to MIND for better mental health Sid was a happy man. http://www.mind.org.uk/
Tartan Underpants
They are groovy they can dance
They can put you in a trance
That’s my tartan underpants
Tartan underpants ooh
Tartan underpants ooh
You can use them as a tent use then as a hanky
One thing is sure there’s never hanky panky
In my tartan underpants
Tartan underpants ooh
Tartan underpants ooh
I don’t drink whisky don’t eat haggis
Go to bed with a girl from Paris
In my tartan underpants
Tartan underpants ooh
Tartan underpants ooh
My pants are funky they know what to do
Goodbye boxer shorts it’s the Y Front crew
That’s my tartan underpants
Tartan underpants ooh
Tartan underpants ooh
I’m a boring old folk singer
Philip is my name
My mother is a miner
My sisters on the game
I’ve a face like a scrotum
Wear an Arran jersey
Nobody likes me
I’ve got bad breath
Claymore !!!
My old sheep ran away
my dog is very angry
He hasn’t slept all week
And likes a drink of shandy
Ben Nevis !!!
The year is 1979. I am at Aberdeen’s 62 Club to watch a selection of local punk bands, and my attention is drawn to an unfamiliar name on the bill.
Sid Ozalid? A band? A guy? Pretty punk if slightly strange kind of a name though, which for an 18 y.o. punk diehard was somehow reassuring.
On stage appeared a tall, skinny, slightly weird-looking guy with no guitar. Not punk – not punk at all, which in the circumstances was all the more intriguing.
What happened next was somewhere between seeing the light and being scarred for life.
Out of a sudden discharge of nervous energy came an onslaught of surreal, silly verse spliced seamlessly with a bunch of broken anecdotes delivered at a pace leaving no pause for appraisal; accompanied by incongruous, disjointed, directionless dance moves which somehow worked – they must have worked, as somehow, he stayed on his feet.
Then it was over. I had not moved. I was still staring at the empty stage, and I remember thinking: “I hope no-one asks me what I made of Sid Ozalid.” Devoid of reference points, my thoughts were a long time coming. Yes, I found it funny, and yes I was immensely entertained – I just didn’t know why! Neither punk nor Python, neither Cutler, Cooper nor Cooper-Clarke, Sid Ozalid certainly breathed the same air, but did not walk on the same planet.
Would I perhaps find a clue to understanding what made Sid tick from his publicity around at the time? –
“Legend has it that Sid Ozalid was born sometime during an eruption of earwigs.
“Sid arrived on earth from the planet OZ in the year 1898. His spaceship was disguised as an old brown suitcase that was full of inflatable toys.
“During this period he specialised in walking backwards into hat stands.
“Six years later he split from Flying Ozalids to form Sid and Sam the Ozalid Twins. This dynamic duo thrilled audiences with their routine entitled ‘The First pickled Onion in Orbit’, but alas this too came to an abrupt end due to lack of cupboard space”
– Alas, No.
Fast-forward to the following evening.
Three troublesome fat ladies, a conductor named Russ and a womanising fire raising tortoise had taken up permanent residence in my consciousness, and it seemed that the only way to exorcise these delightful demons, and at the same time come to terms with the experience was via demonstration to the uninitiated.
And so there I was outside with my brothers and sister and a few chums, recounting those fragments of verse I could recall whilst attempting in vain to recreate those unique ‘dance’ moves.
Perhaps an observer of the ‘lite’ version would be better placed to help me understand what it was about Sid that had so affected me. No chance. They stood – as I had stood, and stared – as I had stared, and laughed. That evening, each time another chum arrived in our company came the call:
” Hey Fred, go dae yer Sid Ozalid, watch ess, it’s really funny “
The previous evening Sid had performed for around 15 minutes. Twenty four hours later, I must have performed twice as long armed with only about 30 seconds of Sid’s material. More than once, passers-by stopped on the other side of the road … then moved on when they ascertained I was not in need of medical assistance.
As I look back I realise this was a solid indication that Sid Ozalid would be around for some time to come, and would become, if not a legend, definitely an icon of the Aberdeen Entertainment scene.
I was not the only one for whom Sid Ozalid presented an enigma:
” he auditioned and was invited to perform on two different talent shows. Once again the producers liked what Sid was doing but did not know how to describe him. They settled for ‘eccentric’. ” – Douglas John Mclean Cairns
Thirty two years on, having enjoyed many more of Sid’s performances, yet being no closer to understanding exactly how to explain what it is about Sid Ozalid’s act that entertains, amuses and excites me, I find myself charged with the task of reviewing his brand new book:
“Mr Elastic Brain – The Life And Poems Of Sid Ozalid”.
Having just finished reading it, I find myself desperate to tell everyone to go get themselves a copy as soon as possible, but as with my impression of that first performance, I struggle to articulate why it will be worth more to you than a tenner. But I will try.
These days, I know Sid Ozalid by his not so ‘pretty punk, and kinda reassuringly strange’ name Douglas Cairns …. which is actually more reassuring.
So, where to start?
This is an autobiographical book in four parts, about Sid Ozalid, written by Douglas John McLean Cairns. Or is it? As with all things Sid Ozalid, it is the equivalent of an ‘any-way-up’ cup as the first part of the book demonstrates.
Even to someone as familiar with the writer as I am, It startles me to discover that the madness which fuelled the performances of Sid Ozalid and brought so much pleasure to many also had an alter ego in the shape of a mental illness which had a devastating effect on Douglas Cairns for a period in 2001 – and as a consequence, all but put an end to Sid.
“People had always told Sid he was mad. He thought they were joking until the dawning of the new millennium, suddenly he had a doctor’s certificate to prove what people had been telling him for years.” – Douglas John Mclean Cairns.
Here it is we find – in between some hilarious stories of Sid’s outrageous antics and adventures – an honest account of the extent of Douglas’ illness, punctuated by humour of a nature that can only be explained in terms of Douglas’ story being written by Sid.
It is difficult to pinpoint where ownership of the pen changed, but what results is uniquely unsettling, and simultaneously entertaining. For Sid to joke about Douglas’ dark and desperate situation is surely to run the risk being regarded as sick … but then, at the pertinent time, they are both sick aren’t they?
I don’t have the recipe, but I am pretty sure the main ingredient is his ability to appeal to our inner child.
However, at no point does the humour mask the pain, the lighter asides serving only reinforce the severity of the debilitating condition by way of contrast. It is a brave piece of writing, sandwiched between hilarious tales of the more familiar and wonderful madness of The Artist Formerly Known As Sid Ozalid.
The major portion of the book’s contents is a collection of Sid’s wonderfully bizarre and humorous poems and songs which were the mainstay of his act from 1977 to the present day. Similarities with this material and that of Spike Milligan are impossible to ignore. However, to leave it at that would be to compare a wedding cake with a rowie on account of their flour content.
So am I any closer to putting into words what is the magical appeal of Sid Ozalid?
Well I don’t have the recipe, but I am pretty sure the main ingredient is his ability to appeal to our inner child.
Didn’t we all spontaneously giggle and cackle as babes in response to the simplest and the silliest of things? A pulled face? A silly noise? The poking out of a tongue? A sudden unexpected movement or gesture? Anything at all unusual yet unthreatening? When did we stop being so spontaneously and so thoroughly amused? Did we stop giggling, or did our adult entertainers decide our needs for entertainment lay elsewhere?
If nothing else, Sid Ozalid demonstrates that our inner child is still with us and desperate for a giggle, and the mere fact he knows our tickly spot is enough to make us all the more tickly.
If there should ever be an Aberdeen Entertainers Hall of Fame, Sid Ozalid will be there. He will be neither a statue in the foyer, a framed picture on a wall, or a prized prop or instrument in a glass case. The broom cupboard will be as good a place as any to start your search, but when you track him down he will be possibly be represented by that item described within the spontaneous lyrics of a similarly strange and hilarious Scots band.
” I’ll perhaps take a piece of white bread and I’ll paint it brown so you think it is brown but when you toast it it’s actually white for the paint falls off “( from the album Hairy Scalloween by The Pendulums. )
Footnotes.
Mr Elastic Brain – The Life And Poems Of Sid Ozalid by Douglas John McLean Cairns is published by Chipmunka Publishingwhich specialises in giving a voice to people with mental health and other issues.
The profits from sales of Mr Elastic Brain are being donated to MIND – a leading mental health charity.
“We campaign vigorously to create a society that promotes and protects good mental health for all – a society where people with experience of mental distress are treated fairly, positively and with respect.” – http://www.mind.org.uk/
Aberdeen Voice will present a sample of Sid’s poetry in the coming weeks – if that’s OK with Sid, or Douglas, or both – so you can judge for yourselves should you miss all three performances in town this weekend.
Geesalaff Comedy Night Friday, May 27 at 8:00pm
Cellar 35, Rosemount Viaduct ( Sid onstage around 21.00pm )
Climate Change and Scotland – What can we do about it ?
An illustrated presentation by our local member of the IPCC Professor Pete Smith FSB FRSE
Pete lectures on Soils and Global Change at AberdeenUniversity.Since 1996 he has served on Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) which was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 2007. He was the Convening Lead Author of the Agricultural Greenhouse Gas Mitigation chapter of the IPCC Fourth Assessment Report (Working Group III). He has coordinated and participated in many national and international projects on soils, agriculture, greenhouse gases, climate change, mitigation and impacts, and ecosystem modelling. He is a Fellow of the Society of Biology, a Research Fellow of the Royal Society (London), and a Fellow of the Royal Society of Edinburgh.
All welcomeFREE ENTRY Organised by Banchory Energy Reduction Initiative (BERI).BERI is a Climate Challenge Fund project working with the Banchory community to conserve energy in the home and through travel. Information online atwww.banchory.org
Tues 2nd Nov.
7.30pm, Aberdeen Art Gallery, Room 6
PUBLIC MEETING WITH THE MAYOR OF NAGASAKI – A TALK A NUCLEAR FREE WORLD
The long running controversial subject of Nuclear Weapons comes to the fore in Aberdeen next week when the Mayor of Nagasaki will be speaking on behalf of a nuclear free world. Tomihisa Taue, Mayor of Nagasaki and Vice President of Mayors for Peace will be talking about the effects of the atomic bomb dropped on Nagasaki on August 9th 1945. In the initial explosion and over the succeeding years over 200,000 of Nagasaki’s men women and children died agonisingly either from blast, burns, crushed limbs and bodies and latterly of leukemia, cancers and other tumours.
Mayors for Peace has over four thousand member cities in one hundred and forty four countries world-wide – sixty two of which are in the UK.
Comedy
Tues 2nd Nov.
7.30pm, Snafu
MARK NELSON, TONY LITTLER, SEAN GRANT, ASIM ALI, ANDREW LEARMONTH
£3/4/5
8.00pm, Music Hall
SEAN LOCK £17.50+BF
Music
Sat 30th Oct.
4.00pm, One Up (instore gig)
STEVEN MILNE
7:00pm, Snafu
LITTLE COMETS, Plus Support
7:30pm, Lemon Tree
THE COAL PORTERS £12+BF
8.00pm, Café Drummond
AKA SKA
8.00pm, The Moorings
GOTHIC DORICS
8.00pm, Captain Tom’s
Cirque-de-Sinister Halloween Party
THE RUCKUS, BROTHERS REID, SMOKIN CATFISH, THE WETFLEX £5
5.00pm to 7.00pm, Doonies Farm, The Coast Road, Nigg , Aberdeen
Fire Walk Experience An event to raise funds for future choices and Create Aberdeen ( see Article )
8.00pm, The Tunnels
GOO GOO MUCK ( Cramps tribute )
8.00pm, Carmelite Hotel, Stirling Street
Open Mic Session ( every Sunday. )
9.00pm, The Moorings
The Jam Factory ( every Sunday. ) Bands, acoustic musicians, jammers, poets etc. all welcome.
Mon 1st Nov.
7.30pm, The Tunnels
THEM:YOUTH Plus Support £5
9.00pm, Blue Lamp
Traditional Acoustic Session. All welcome.
10.00pm, Café Drummond
Open Mic Night ( Every Monday )
Soloists, Poets, Musicians, Maniacs, and Full Bands Welcome.
( Full back line provided ) For more info, call 01224 619930
Tues 2nd Nov.
7.30pm, Lemon Tree
THE DIVINE COMEDY
Wed 3rd Nov.
7.30pm, Music Hall
LEE MEMPHIS KING (Elvis Tribute ) £18.50+BF
Thurs 4th Nov.
7.30pm, Cafe Drummond
6 DAY RIOT Plus Support
7.30pm, Project Slogan, 48 Langstane Place
MARK McCABE AND FRIENDS Donation on entry
8.00pm, Shelley Leighs
The Big Mic Up – Hosted by Dave Moir and Kenny McLeod
Get off the couch! come down to Shelley Leigh’s and hear the music, be part of the vibe, Come along folks to Dave and Kenny’s open mic night . If you like to play, or just to listen then be prepared for a night of great music at Aberdeens latest musical cultural venue.
Fri 5th Nov.
7:30pm – 8:30pm, Music Hall
THE SALSA CELTICA BIG BAND with very special guests including JULIE FOWLIS and DERMOT BYRNE.
7.30pm, Lemon Tree
DAVE ACARI
£7+BF
8.00pm, Beach Ballroom
MERSAULT, THE DEPORTEES, AMBER WILSON, DEBUTANT
£7.50
8.00pm, Café Drummond
JAMES WALSH ( Starsailor ) Plus Support
8.00pm, The Moorings
DEATHWATCH, THE WRECKING BALL ( CLUB NIGHT )
Sat 6th Nov.
7.30pm, The Tunnels
FOUND, INDIAN RED LOPEZ
8.00pm, Blue Lamp
JANI LANG BAND (Plus a Hungarian Ceilidh )
A táncház, meaning dance house, is the Hungarian ceilidh where people gather to enjoy, dance or learn traditional dances and music..
Over the years they have stunned audiences at most of the Scottish folk festivals, such as the Shetland Folk Festival, Orkney Folk Festival, Edinburgh Fringe, Scots Fiddle Festival, etc.
Their táncház will start with a performance of music followed by a ceilidh of Hungarian and Transylvanian dances led by a professional dancer from Hungary.
Come along to experience a real Hungarian ceilidh and dance the night away with the band!
We used to have a festival in Aberdeen in October, seems now we have two! See below for info and links re. sound and Oxjam … and much more.
sound Festival
Ongoing until 14th Nov.
Offering more than 60 performances in over 20 venues across North East Scotland, the 6th sound Festival will run until Sunday 14 November.
“Collaboration has always been at the heart of sound,” says Fiona Robertson of sound. “as we work closely with music clubs and other organisations across the North East. Our opening events form part of a Scottish celebration of Minimalism in which we are delighted to partner Glasgow Concert Halls..”
sound is the North East of Scotland’s contemporary music festival. Following a pilot event, “Upbeat” in 2004, the first festival was launched in November 2005. sound is now an annual event, which aims to make contemporary music more accessible to audiences of all ages and backgrounds. As well as programming its own events, sound operates as an umbrella for a range of concerts, workshops, masterclasses and performances programmed by other organisations in the North East. Dame Evelyn Glennie, James MacMillan and Rohan de Saram are current Patrons of the festival.
Celtic Society Public Ceilidh with Iron Broo Duo Aberdeen University Student Association (AUSA) Celtic Society are holding a Ceilidh with the Iron Broo Duo of Fred Wilkinson (bouzouki) and Charlie Abel (accordion). All dances will be called, no experience is necessary.
The Ceilidh is being held in the legendary Blue Lamp, on the Gallowgate in Aberdeen – Surely the most famous Live music venue and finest pubs in Aberdeen. In case you’ve not been there before just look for the actual Blue lamp on the wall above the door. The entrance to the Ceilidh is through the revolving door to the right of the lamp up the hill.
There will be a raffle during the interval. Dancing will be from 7.45/8pm till midnight. The bar usually remains open till 2 if you are in need of some lubrication after the ceilidh.
The music will be lively. www.ironbroo.co.uk
8.00pm, Café Drummond
WHOLE LOTTA LED ( Led Zeppelin Tribute )
8:00pm, The Moorings
DARTH ELVIS AND THE TATTOINE TRIO
Sat 23rd Oct.
7.00pm, OXJAM ABERDEEN TAKEOVER
– Music festival featuring the best local bands in Aberdeen at 5 city venues
Tunnels 1
Le Reno Amps, Turning 13, Cuddly Shark, Eric Euan & Duke. Tunnels 2 Weather Barn (formerly Cast Of The Capital), Carson Wells, The Deportees, The Marionettes & Katerwaul. Cafe Drummond The Wildcards, Kashmir Red, Energy, Emerald Sunday & Talking Sideways. Blue Lamp The Lorelei, Gerry Jablonski Band, Oxbow Lake & Chris Carroll. Enigma Jo McCafferty, Kitchen Cynics, Craig Davidson, The Scandal Extracts & Sarah J Stanley.
Wristbands cost £5 and allow access to all of the venues across the whole night and also free entry to the aftershow party at Snafu. Tickets can be purchased at www.wegotickets.com, by contacting Oxjam Aberdeen and soon at selected outlets.
8.00pm, The Moorings
THE FIRE AND I, BROTHEL CORPSE TRIO (tbc), OBLIVION INCARNATE
The Jam Factory ( every Sunday. ) Bands, acoustic musicians, jammers, poets etc. all welcome.
Mon 25th Oct.
7:00pm, Oxjam At The Arts Centre
FIONA SOE PAING
An evening of film and music in the Cafe Bar at Aberdeen Arts Centre. Featuring Fiona Soe Paing, London Indie Film Festival nominee for her unique combination of electronica and animation.
Supporting her will be Ross Whyte with his film FOG and Josh McGregor
We’re raising money for Oxjam, a month long music festival throughout the UK raising money and awareness for Oxfam GB! Tickets only £5, available from me or from http://www.wegottickets.com/oxjam/event/96678
Open Mic Night ( Every Monday )
Soloists, Poets, Musicians, Maniacs, and Full Bands Welcome.
( Full back line provided ) For more info, call 01224 619930
Tues 26th Oct.
7:30pm, Music Hall
THE DRIFTERS
Wed 27th Oct.
8.00pm, Café Drummond
YOUNG REBEL SET, FLAXMAN, Plus Support
Thurs 28th Oct.
7:30pm, Lemon Tree
MARTIN TAYLOR £17.50+BF
8.00pm, Shelley Leighs
The Big Mic Up – Hosted by Dave Moir and Kenny McLeod
Get off the couch! come down to Shelley Leigh’s and hear the music, be part of the vibe, Come along folks to Dave and Kenny’s open mic night . If you like to play, or just to listen then be prepared for a night of great music at Aberdeens latest musical cultural venue.
Fri 29th Oct.
8.00pm, The Moorings
WHICH WAY NOW
www.myspace.com/whichwaynowrocks
8.00pm, Café Drummond
THE ANSWERING MACHINE, RAPIDS, Plus Support £6
7.30pm, The Tunnels
THE DRAYMIN, THE VIPER LINES
Sat 30th Oct.
4.00pm, One Up (instore gig)
STEVEN MILNE
7:00pm, Snafu
LITTLE COMETS, Plus Support
7:30pm, Lemon Tree
THE COAL PORTERS £12+BF
8.00pm, Café Drummond
AKA SKA
8.00pm, The Moorings
GOTHIC DORICS
8.00pm, Captain Tom’s
Cirque-de-Sinister Halloween Party
THE RUCKUS, BROTHERS REID, SMOKIN CATFISH, THE WETFLEX £5
