Jan 302015
 

Suzanne Kelly aka Old Susannah gets to grips with Grampian’s great and good, and with St Valentine’s Day just around the corner, her soft and sympathetic side is coming to the fore. Or maybe not. Can’t you just feel the love?

DictionaryWell, it’s official now: Aberdeen City and Shire ARE ON THE MAP! This is for several reasons. It’s not because we’re home to BrewDog, the UK’s fastest-growing drinks company (and arguably the most fun drinks company anywhere). It’s not even because we might set the tone and build a granite web (keep dreaming Messrs Wood, Smith and Crosby, you never know).

We got on the map mainly because Donald Trump came to our humble backwater. But the latest developments are even more exciting than that! Alex Salmond is writing a column for the Press & Journal AND famous people came here the other weekend! Result!

As to this new column, it’s riveting stuff. Did you know he loved his mum? He’s written a column about it.

It’s in no way reminiscent of when an X Factor contestant seeks sympathy with a sad story before singing badly. He’s also sharing a few likes and dislikes. I’m sure the honourable member will one of these days come and visit the people in his constituency at the Menie Estate – it’s just a matter of priorities.

Columns don’t write themselves you know; it’s hard work for a budding writer on his own to make it in the journalism world. It’s awfully good of the P&J to give this novice a break; I wonder if it was just the goodness of the collective Aberdeen Journals Ltd’s hearts – or if there were any other factors involved in signing young Alex up to pen his thoughts? I wonder.

But that’s only the half the reason we’re on the world’s radar now: did you know someone from Oasis and a fashion model actually came to Aberdeenshire for a party?

Well, if not, where have you been? It’s the story everyone’s talking about (well, after fracking, Muse at Marischal College, pollution and other boring subjects). Apparently someone threw a party and… people came up north from down south. To hear Aberdeen Journals tell it it’s the best thing since bunting:

“Kate Moss and Nick Grimshaw party in Craigellachie… That’s right, you read it correctly!”

Yes, that’s right: you DID read it correctly! Well done! I hope you’ve not fainted with the excitement of this revelation if you’re only reading it here for the first time. Apologies. (And if one of you could be so kind as to send me a message and let me know who Nick Grimshaw is and what he does, thanks in advance).

Watch and download the Craigellachie video here, for your and your grand children’s future viewing pleasure:

Anyway, moving on…It’s not Valentine’s day just yet; but as the supermarkets are already piling the Easter eggs on the shelves, there’s no time to lose. Tally ho!

Perhaps love and romance deserve a few definitions at time of year. A cynic might think that St Valentine’s Day is nothing more than a marketing ploy. Let’s look to our betters and see if we can learn anything about affection, admiration, and maybe even love.

To Reconcile: (English verb) Renew a friendship or a love; to recover lost affection and love.

There is one power couple that I hope will soon reconcile. These are two people, meant for each other, sharing the same loves, dreams and ambitions. It would be a huge loss if they can’t rekindle what they once had. So Alex Salmond, in case you missed it: Donald Trump ‘Still Likes and Respects You.’ Or so says the Press & Journal – and if ever The Donald will be quoted accurately, rest assured it will be in the paper his Scottish Vice President’s husband edits.

In mid 2014, Trump said of Alex:

“I disagree with him on one element, I’ve had moments in life when I’ve been very friendly with him and I do respect him, but I disagree with him on wind. [Old Susannah wonders if they got this wind from all the champagne they drank with their steak dinners in New York]

I think there are other great forms of energy but wind is becoming obsolete. I disagreed with him on that, other than that, I like him. I told that to someone the other day, I actually like Alex Salmond but I have to fight him. I’ve created a masterpiece and I don’t want to see it hurt by a very, very foolish technology that’s obsolete.” 
https://www.pressandjournal.co.uk/fp/news/aberdeenshire/274163/donald-trump-still-likes-respects-alex-salmond/

Presumably the very foolish technology that’s obsolete is not the printed newspaper.

I suppose when two people are deeply involved – what with wining and dining in the finest hotels either side of the Atlantic – their passions will sometimes lead to heated arguments. However, now that Alex is writing a column for the Press & Journal, he’ll have lots more opportunities to let people connected to Trump know that he likewise wants and needs to get back together.

Let’s wish the couple a happy reconciliation. Trump did go on in the P&J article about taking a position on Salmond’s independence drive, and what would or would not be appropriate for Trump to do about it – but lest the imagery be too heady for some readers, I’ll not dwell on the idea of Trump taking a position on Alex.

Perhaps the taxpayer should step in – again – and send the two flying off to a 5 star hotel in New York or elsewhere where they can enjoy yet another evening of drink and fine food. Perhaps there’s some other SSSI site we can give Trump on a silver platter as well.

Anniversary Gifts: (Modern English compound noun) A list of gifts couples are meant to exchange on different wedding anniversaries.

In January 2013 the power couple of the year tied the knot. Yes, Damian Bates married 2007 Face of Aberdeen Sarah Malone. Why the two didn’t have their nuptuals announced in Aberdeen Journals Ltd – and why Sarah didn’t make the Bride of the Week page – is a mystery. But then love works in mysterious ways. I personally think they didn’t want us mere mortals to be jealous of their union.

Last year by tradition they would have exchanged anniversary gifts made of paper – but I guess Damian had already given Sarah a gift in the form of paper – the Evening Express and P&J to be specific. The modern gift would have been made of plastic for that first anniversary; but no doubt there was already enough plastic in the mix as it was.

The alternative gift for a first year of wedded bliss is to exchange clocks. However, at Sarah’s day job at Trump’s Menie Estate, there are already some small, discrete, tasteful clocks on the landscape. Even better, they all seem to tell different times – doubtless the couple count the hours until the next Trump advertising revenue comes in and the next pro Trump advertorial is put to bed. Isn’t love grand?

This year the happy couple are meant to exchange cotton. Again, that ship has sailed, for they have both cottoned on a number of years back.

Online Dating: (Modern English noun) means of using electronic communications and computing to find a potential partner based on compatibility.

Do pity us poor single people; I spend all my time crying in my Hagen daas, wondering what to do with myself, fearing I’ll wither away as a wallflower spinster. Some singles join church groups, some take tango lessons, some take out classified ads. All are desperate to find that certain someone to go to Union Square with on a Saturday, then to stroll hand in hand through the paint thinner section of B&Q with on a Sunday. Let’s face it – you have to be in a couple to be anybody.

Single or married, if we were to be honest with ourselves, men and women are looking for some very basic, important things from a relationship. Money and looks.

You can exchange Tinder feelings to complete strangers and meet up in a back booth of the Chester Hotel to compare bank balances and plastic surgery results. But those who are in the know and in the dough cut to the chase and visit website ‘Seeking Arrangements’.

This is a dignified, personal site that pairs up rich men with poor, good-looking (and for some reason usually younger) women. The women in question, while working nights to put themselves through medical school and supporting their sick mothers no doubt, need a little financial assistance. Girls dating rich men is of course nothing like girls selling themselves for money.

Today’s smart successful girls are free to seek out sugar daddies and ask them to contribute a wee bit to keep them in Jimmy Choos and Tiffany bracelets. In return the men get the satisfaction of working closely with younger people and helping out the next generation – they wouldn’t want anything else for their money from beautiful young women, would they?

I’m sure you’ll agree it’s a romantic way to find the bank account of your dreams if you’re a liberated woman (who looks good of course). And if you’re a rich, hard-working man, it’s likely the wife doesn’t appreciate you, and for a bit of money and jewellery, you can get in a few hours of appreciation on the side. Someone to listen how the wife doesn’t understand, to take walks in the park with, perhaps to do the crossword together.

Or something.

For whatever reason, some people object to sexually objectifying men or women. They even nearly stopped the Sun’s Page 3 models for a day or two!

And that would have been bad for the circulation. Such people are called Feminists. They are almost always unattractive and old. Some of the former Sun models took time out from their busy careers to make witty tweets about those who object to Page 3. Rhian Sugden said:

“It’s only a matter of time before everything we do will be dictated by comfy shoe wearing… No bra wearing… man haters.”

But I digress.

Back to the subject of ‘Seeking Arrangements’ I hope no ‘bra-wearing, men-haters’ think there is anything wrong with such a set-up. It’s not as if it objectifies women, glorifies youth and beauty and commodifies these traits.

One final word on the subject. There are some taboos that should not and must not be broken. It’s acceptable for a rich old man to buy – sorry to help out a poorer, beautiful girl. That’s one of the things we like so much about Mr Trump for that matter. They’re called ‘sugar daddies’ – such a cute nickname, with nothing remotely unpleasant about the ‘daddies’ bit.

But we can all agree that an older woman, however rich, has no business around younger men. Cougars are just unacceptable. Happy to have cleared that up.

It’s so refreshing we had a women’s rights movement, even if it was a long time ago and it’s largely forgotten. For the life of me I can’t think what people like Emma Watson are getting so worked up about. Men may earn more than women, but as websites like Seeking Arrangements show, we’re all really just looking for that person out there who shares our values.

Good luck girls – but be warned: you may have to at some point hold your sugar daddy’s hand. Or something. Still, think of the money.

Cultural Speed Dating: (Modern Aberdonian quango phrase) A matchmaking service for rich patrons and poor artists and makers to get together.

In the same way that the idea of ‘Seeking Arrangements’ gives us a warm feeling, the concept of Cultural Speed Dating is nearly as heart-warming. I wonder what clever person came up with this marvellous idea?

Poor impoverished artists can come and throw themselves at people with money in a bid to get funding. It’s a speed dating set up which gives artists the respect they deserve – a chance to beg for money from the rich in a small space of time.

Culturally speaking, the marriage between the rich, the government, and those artists who either are desperate for success/money – or who are keen to get into bed (as it were) with the powerful is as moving as when Romeo and Juliet first spoke. And that turned out just fine.

Aside from money and fame, any real artist worth their salt wants to be guided by the patronising hand of the people with money.

What can be more important for a visionary than learning to be more commercially acceptable? The people in government who hand out grants know what art they want, and if you want their money, you’ll give them what they want. The wealthy private patron has their own ideas as well too, and the ideas of the rich trump the ideas of the talented. What’s a little compromise now and then if you’re a creative?

Old Susannah was told of a foolish portrait painter who some years back took a commission from a retired wealthy man for a group painting. When the painting was nearly done, the man’s wife told the artist to leave the painting unsigned, so that she could sign it herself later.

What do you think the ungrateful artist did? He said no.

Only with slightly different words. The painter lost out on money. If you’re an artist, I hope you’ll learn something from this little anecdote before the next Cultural Speed dating comes along. I’m sure 5 to 10 minutes is enough time to explain your artistic vision to someone with a chequebook – and if not – just let them do the talking instead.

We can’t just have people going around creating art or literature that the rich folks won’t enjoy, can we?

Next week: I’ll tell you that I love my family, and what tragedies I’ve been through. Or I may update you on what Police Scotland’s been up to (or not been up to for that matter).

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Oct 102014
 

SalmondHamletBy Bob Smith.

Wee Eck wull hae time on his haans
Fit wull he noo dee ti wow aa his fans
Foo aboot performin on shows like X-Factor
A singer a duncer or maybe an actor

“I Dreamed a Dream” is a sang he cwid sing
Or in a braw kilt he cwid dunce Heilan Fling
An actor o coorse wid bi richt up his street
Tho’ his latest performances made lots o fowk greet

A lion tamer in a circus wid suit Wee Eck fine
He’s weel used ti wheep crackin ti keep fowk in line
A reader o palms –noo fegs ‘ere’s  a thing
“Gypsy Rose” Salmond aat his a braw ring

On Strictly Come Duncin cwid oor Eck dee a twirl
He micht be mair suited ti an Eichtsome Reel birl
In tails an bow tie he cwid ay dee a Valeta
Or maybe a tango wi a quine ca’ed Conchita

They say auld politeeshuns niver dee they jist fade awa
Auld politeeshuns nivver dee but fae office can fa
Wull Wee Eck fade awa or inti the sunset micht ride
The mannie likes the limelight so aroon he wull bide

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
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Jun 062014
 

woman-214786 tallBy Bob Smith.

In the independence referendum
Maist weemin micht vote no
They think SNP directives
Are nae the wye ti go

A poll it wis cairry’t oot
Independence 64% dinna like
Is es a wye o sayin
SNP jist tak a hike

Es o coorse begs the question
Fit wye micht they vote no?
Div some see Alex Salmond
As a smarmy so an so?

Maist weemin it wid seem
Are listenin ti their heid
An refuse ti lit their hairt
Cause their soul ti bleed

Es maan  be a problem
For Alex an his cohorts
Are thochts o independence
Noo a wee bit oot o sorts?

A fyow months later on
Votes wull be aa revealin
Bit dis es latest poll
Sen independence chunces reelin?

Fitivver its oor luck ti be
In the UK or maybe nae
The vote o Scotland’s weemin fowk
Micht haud a wee bit sway

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
Image: http://pixabay.com/en/woman-girl-female
Thumbnail: http://pixabay.com/en/girl-woman

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Jul 122013
 

By Bob Smith.

The Donald wis on Panorama
Spikkin tae BBC’s John Sweeney
Aboot aa the gyaans  on
At his placie ower at Menie
.
The Sweeney hints tae Mr Trump
6000 jobs hinna cum tae fruition
The Trumpie lot war fair pit oot
An treated aa iss wi derision
.
Donald roared – Git rid o aat hoose
Tae the “P&J” editor’s wife
Says she it micht cause a stir
An reap ye lots o strife
.
Faa cares the mannie gabbit
A sure can dee fit a wint
It’s on ma lan quoth Donald
Tae the puir dementit bint
.
The hoose belangs tae David Milne
A chiel Trump disna much like
Bit David stuck twa fingers up
An said Trumpie tak a hike
A billie fae the Royal Toon Plannin
Thocht Trumpie’s case it wis unique
In aa his ‘ears in the plannin game
He’d seen nithing tae cause sic pique
.
Oor First Minister an The Donald
War eence on spikkin terms
They’ve hid a bit o a faa oot
Ower the plans aboot winfairms
.
Trump wis qizzed aboot his dealins
Wi a mannie fae the Mafia mob
Syne he up’s an leaves the interview
Hintin The Sweeney didna ken his job
.
Noo in the pages o “P&J” we read
Business pallies tae his rescue hiv rode
Eence mair tryin tae kid us aa
In the Nor’east the mannie is loed.
.
Birds o a feather flock tigither
A mynd aboot iss  auld sayin
Bit maist o us chiels ken they’re aa feels
Faa dunce tae the tune Trumpie’s playin

Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013
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Jun 142013
 

By Bob Smith.

Trumpie’s jaws are in overdrive
Sayin the economy o Aiberdeen
Is aa doon tae him biggin
The greatest gowf course ivver seen
.
Gweed sakes fit an affa chiel
As a blaw he’ll nivver be beat
Expectin aa the fowk listenin
Tae drap doon an kiss his feet
.
A wunner fit thrivin business fowk
Think o aa Trumpie’s blether
Some must be teerin their hair
Ithers near the eyn o their tether
.
Trump ignores  the efforts o
The billies livin in oor toon
Faa biggit up oor economy
Lang afore iss bliddy goon
.
Trump his got a new award
Fae sum American Academy
Fit ye shud a ken is iss
The Donald’s a main trustee
.
The chiel is off’rin an olive brunch
Tae Wee Eck as a token o peace
Iss symbol it is lang derived
Fae the customs o Ancient Greece
Iss offer his git strings attached
The bay windfairm it maun go
Else Trump’ll nae bigg his hotel
An hoose biggin wull be slow
.
Tae be pals eence again
Trump maun git his ain wye
The SNP billies are expectit
Tae eat bliddy humble pie
|
Wull Eck stretch oot his airms
Sayin, “Donald, lit’s hae a cuddle
A’ll move the turbines far awa
An sort oot iss affa muddle”
.
Wee Eck micht be mony things
Bit he’s nae aat bliddy daft
He kens he’d lose mony votes
As independence he tries tae craft
.
So Donald yer in a quandry
Tae bigg or nae tae bigg
Fitivver ye decide tae dee
Ye’ll aye be thocht a prig
.
.
.
.
Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013
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Oct 042012
 

Old Susannah looks back on another exciting week in the Deen, even if there was no mass protest by 60 or so members of the Cove Rangers/HoMalone/Kate Dean/boys with megaphones collective.  By Suzanne Kelly.

Common Good Aberdeen launched an initiative to put swings and play equipment In Union Terrace Gardens; I wish them well with that.

Old Susannah secured a ticket to the premier of the Led Zeppelin concert film ‘Celebration Day’, and is counting the hours.  BrewDog’s competition to create a beer cocktail is, however, taking up most of my spare time.  So far my creations run from to absolutely undrinkable to pretty awful.

Still, the contest closes on 8 October, so there is still some chance I’ll come up with something acceptable.  Win or lose, it’s been a lot of fun trying.

That nice Mr Milne is busy starting his new housing estate on the formerly open lands in Cove/Charleston.  Someone is building right on the main road by the  Cove Bay Roundabout. 

It might not be a great location for playing footie with the kids, but those overhead power lines and transformers will make for some entertaining kite-flying experiences, I’m sure.

I visited Tullos Hill this past Monday, and the place is a complete, well, ‘sotter’ is the word that springs to mind.  What few mature trees there were are now diminished in number; some uprooted, some with very badly broken limbs.

Raised earth filled with rock and rubble is apparent everywhere, and the areas where gorse was cleared, where once animals lived, are now just dead zones.  Well done everyone!  And don’t worry.  The Housing Committee may be done with this scheme, but the opposition still wants to see some justice done, and is working on it.

And now for a few relevant definitions.

Wind Power: (compound noun, English) the strength of the wind whether harnessed or not, the potential energy from wind

The Donald’s back!  Donald Trump, celebrity, international superstar, business Moghul, and pin-up breezed into town this week.  He’s blowing hot and cold over his new development – will he finish it?  Can it still be the world’s greatest golf course if there are turbines offshore?

Don probably just thought that since Alex Salmond fell into line over a few expensive dinners, the rest of the Scots would fall as easily.

 We should ignore our other developing renewable energy technologies and just build as many wind farms as we can.

However, it seems some pesky Scots aren’t doing as he wishes, despite the Donald’s granny being from Skye or something.  Yes, we might well put up windfarms along the coast, ruining the view for the hordes of millionaires and slebs who want to golf all year round at the world’s most grating – sorry, ‘world’s greatest’ golf course.

I must have missed the part where all these rich people and pro golfers said they simply would not come because of the wind farms.  I’m sure they are all at home in the south of France, California, Maui, etc. picking out their thermal golf clothes for when they come in February to play along the North Sea at Balmedie.  The wind farms will ruin the Scottish economy if we are allowed to build them where rich folk can see them.

On the other hand, why wait until the technology is perfected – let’s just build windfarms everywhere right now.  Just because every one of humankind’s past prototype inventions have all been miniaturised, made more efficient and cheaper doesn’t mean that windfarms will improve as well.

Never mind the science/technology/impacts/economics:  there is a tax break to be had (even if it is just a little expensive to get the electricity onto the grid).  We should ignore our other developing renewable energy technologies and just build as many wind farms as we can.

If only we could harness Trump’s hot air – that would solve all our energy needs.  Still, let’s make sure we put all our eggs into the wind farm basket, take those tax breaks, and ensure the whole countryside and seaside are covered with them.  What could possibly go wrong with a scheme that has the Government’s backing?

Culture of Yes: (Scottish Enterprise phrase, modern jargon)  Campaign to help Scottish businesses grow, and er, just say ‘yes’

Please forgive Old Susannah for bringing up the ‘Culture of Yes’ – for you will all already know about it and be on board with it.  After all, no less a person than Bob Collier of the Aberdeen Chamber of Commerce wrote about it in the June 2012 Business Bulletin.   I can’t wait from month to month for my new copy of the Bulletin to arrive, and I am sure you all feel the same.

Bob describes in loving terms how £750,00,000 per annum Scottish Enterprise has come up with a new slogan, ‘Culture of Yes’ (how much did that cost us, I wonder).  Without this new Culture of Yes, how else would businesses be able to expand, try new markets, and keep going?  Exactly.

You see, it’s important in business to have a ‘can do’ rather than a ‘can’t do’ attitude.  I hope I’ve not shocked  you too much with this revelation.  As Bob writes:-

“…this recession will end when we want it to – when attitudes change – and this should help to advance that process.”

  Alas!  The web has ceased to be.  It is an ex-web.

And here I was thinking the recession was about American toxic mortgage products, bad debts, loans that shouldn’t have been made, manipulation of LIBOR, EU policies, austerity in Spain, Italy, Greece…  Wrong!  The recession is only about attitudes being bad.

Sadly, I missed Bob’s November 2009 offering in the Bulletin, but he quotes from it for the benefit of those who don’t have the full back issues saved at home.  To save you looking through your collection of Bulletins, here’s what he had to say:-

“In my Chamber Viewpoint in November 2009, under a piece headed “no but, yes, but, no…” and taking my inspiration from Vicky Pollard [you don’t say!] I argued:  “We’ve all got the choice to be ‘No But’ or ‘Yes But’.  There is always a ‘but’ – life is complicated and agreement takes effort. 

“But we have a fundamental choice to make.  … So we respond on your behalf with “yes but’ to AWPR, Trump, EOWDC, City Gardens and many other positive investments for the region.  Our support is considered, and our constructive engagement improves good developments.  This is an approach which many in Aberdeen City and Shire would do well to remember when they consider the choices they are given to say ‘yes’ – but that’s another story.”

I am sure you are feeling as inspired as I am by the above.  How good of the Chamber of Commerce to have said ‘yes’ to the City Gardens on behalf of its members! Not all businesses in the CoC  backed the City Garden Project, but those ‘no-sayers’ were obviously just being negative.

Of course with Bob Collier who wrote the above also sitting pretty with Tom Smith on one or two little organisations with a strong interest in the project going ahead, the CoC was always going to say ‘yes’ to the web.

Alas!  The web has ceased to be.  It is an ex-web.  Despite the pretty much unveiled threat above (“many in Aberdeen City and Shire would do well to remember…”) to vote ‘yes’, it was just not meant to be.  All of the plotting, redacted minutes, hidden votes from the shortlisted design show, now all for nothing.  And as Bob concluded this little article of his

“What goes around, comes around.”

Bob, on that point I can only agree.

Old Susannah must leave it a bit short this week; there are BrewDog beer cocktails to be invented.  Be that as it may, I’ll be heading to One Up Records over the weekend.

Support your local music shop.  A variety of forces to do with people illegally sharing music, piracy, cost of CDs, business rates, competition from chain stores, digital downloads, etc.  make it difficult to run a music store.  Then again, Bob Collier thinks the recession is all down to attitude.  To that I’d say ‘no but no but no.’ Anyway – g’wan – go pre-order the Zeppelin CD, DVD, whatever.

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May 152012
 

All good stories have an unexpected and dramatic twist to the tale and the thriller / horror / war story of Union Terrace Gardens is no exception. Mike Shepherd writes.

We left the saga with a public referendum having been held and a narrow majority gained for the City Garden Project.

The final count at the start of March saw glumness on both sides with nary a cheer heard; one side having lost the vote, bitter at the sledge-hammer tactics of their opponents; the other side staring at a pyrrhic victory whereby hundreds of thousands of pounds of advertising money had resulted in a narrow majority vote.

One campaigner described the result as like a football match where one side had fielded twenty players and still only won one-nil!

There was still two months to go until the council elections on May 3rd. The SNP had been privately hoping to see a  majority of councillors elected so that they could form an administration without any need to seek coalition partners. The political pundits thought this unlikely but still predicted the SNP to end up as the largest group in the council. It was conjectured that the public referendum would have some influence on the vote.

The SNP had been linked to the City Garden Project not the least through Alex Salmond’s comments in support of the project during the referendum campaign. The Labour party opposed the City Garden project and pledged to scrap it if they got the chance. The other main party, the Lib Dems, were split on the issue with three councillors, Martin Greig, Jennifer Stewart and Ian Yuill having opposed Sir Ian Wood’s scheme.

Kenny Watt had provided a website giving information detailing where the candidates standing for election stood with respect to the UTG issue. He had tried contacting as many of the candidates as possible. Some who I suspected to be pro City garden project were non-committal when asked.

In spite of the referendum result, candidate endorsement for the City Garden Project was somewhat subdued in the lead up to the election. Kenny’s website was widely distributed and intended as a voting guide only.

The Council vote was a surprise to many, not least the Labour party. They found themselves with the largest number of new councillors at seventeen, ahead of the SNP. This was not quite enough to form a majority (which is 22 in a council with 43 members). They did manage to secure the agreement of the Conservatives and Independents to form a coalition.

  Sir Ian Wood’s scheme is looking much less likely than it had been two months earlier

What happened? There is no doubt that local issues played a part; the proposed third Don crossing in Tillydrone and the new football stadium in Cove and Kincorth.
However, I believe the UTG controversy had a significant influence.

The Labour party saw their number of councillors increase substantially and all three Lib Dems supporting UTG were returned in spite of their party’s poor showing elsewhere.

I’ve had numerous comments from people who admit to having changed their normal voting pattern because they were so upset about what they saw as a very cynical campaign strategy by the City Garden supporters in the referendum. It looks as if the referendum result had an unexpected sting in its tail.

The Labour party, now leading the new council administration, are still committed to abandoning the City Garden Project. I make it a very slight majority of pro-UTG councillors in the new batch. Nevertheless, the political practicality is that Sir Ian Wood’s scheme is looking much less likely than it had been two months earlier.

There are several hurdles for the City Garden Project to get through before it happens, each one of which is a show-stopper if it doesn’t get the vote. The new administration has discussed organising what would essentially be a knock-out vote for the scheme. If it survives that, then there is the business case to be approved for TIF funding, the approval of a land lease and finally the planning submission itself; each separate votes.

On top of that, there will be an intent by the new administration to get on with other business and I suspect they will not want to be distracted by such a divisive issue as the City Garden Project. There will be other priorities to consider.

That’s not to say that the beast is finally dead: By no means. The rich and powerful of the land are not giving up easily.

Sir Ian Wood intends to carry on regardless and will lobby councillors individually to pursue his project. The publicly funded ACSEF have rather unwisely criticised the Labour party position and the Chamber of Commerce are joining in.

Much will be made of the public referendum result, even though the result was marginal and the campaigning by one side was totally over the top.  Labour have the moral edge in that they never approved of the referendum in the first place, voting against it on the grounds that the ballot that counted was the one on May 3rd.

There will be more twists and turns to come in this saga no doubt. But at the moment, the prognosis for the City Garden Project is poor.  It is of note that the Labour party are already discussing what happens following the demise of the City Garden Project.  This includes the establishment of the Castlegate as a cultural centre and the possibility of instigating schemes similar to the contemporary arts centre proposed by Peacock Visual Arts over five years ago.

Local author Diane Morgan is busy writing a new book on the history of Union Terrace Gardens and hopes to finish it this summer. She has a problem. The final chapter hasn’t happened just yet.

May 032012
 

By Bob Smith.

“The Donald” wis doon at Holyrood
Agin winfairms he did rail
Stop biggin aa thae turbines
Or yer tourism it’ll fail

Ye’ll spile the bonnie coastline
An wi me ye noo wull clash
Nae wird o connachin shiftin dunes
Fin an SSSI the chiel did trash

Trump says the warld’s aa laachin
At fit he sees as Scaatland’s folly
Fowk winna cum ti ma gowf course
An a’ve spint aa iss bliddy lolly

Royal Aiberdeen spoots oor Donald
Wull lose oot on gowf events
A win’ turbine it’ll spile the view
Fae the course an sponsors’ tents

The pledge a wis gien’s bin bruiken
“Nae winfairms wid be near Menie”
A’m dumfoonert an fair scunnered
An winna spen anither penny

Oor Eck cries “stuff an nonsense”
The mannie’s spikkin crap
His “The Donald’s” bluff an bluster
Geen a bittie ower the tap?

Wi aa the rigmarole at Holyrood
Donald playin his “Trump” cardie
It’s mair akin to yon Hollywood
Wi Donald an Eck as Laurel an Hardy
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2012

Image credit:© Mark Rasmussen | Dreamstime.com …. 3 windmills

Oct 132011
 

How can Labour  move forward in the wake of the SNP electoral Tsunami of May 2011? Mike Martin interviews  Barney Crockett, the Labour Group leader on Aberdeen City Council.

What is your explanation for the overwhelming SNP victory in May?

The first obvious point to make is that everybody who didn’t want to vote Labour transferred their votes to the SNP. It should be noted that Labour’s problems did not start in the last election since Labour’s vote has been similar in the last couple of elections. But the weakness was disguised by that fact that people who didn’t like Labour voted in different ways. On this occasion it all came together so that made the situation for the SNP overwhelming.

I think the explanation for that is what the SNP managed to do is make a large part of the Scottish population scared of a Labour victory, in particular, Iain Gray, and that doesn’t correspond to reality. The SNP strategy was to make Iain Gray look inadequate and play on that relentlessly and Labour, by allowing the campaign to become Salmond versus Gray, therefore had a great problem.

I think the SNP strategy was to make everything a Salmond versus Gray issue and Labour would have wanted to avoid that because Salmond had all the advantages of being someone who is the only key character in his party and has been the dominant figure for nearly all his adult life.

 Whereas it is always going to be the case for Labour that the question of leader is always going to be a more complicated issue because, as leader, you have to be relevant at a UK, Scottish and local level and no one individual will have the enormous dominance that Salmond has.

What resources did the SNP deploy?

I think resources were also relevant and one of the apparent weaknesses of the SNP is that they didn’t seem to have the ability to raise funds but this was reversed by the enormous donation of Brian Souter and went on to attract support from a few key business figures.

Labour are unable to undermine the illusion that the SNP have the support of business when the reality is their support is from quite a narrow section and Labour has the affirmation of more mainstream sections of the business community.

I think that this may be an on-going difficulty as the SNP may be able to carry on attracting support from the oligarchs or proto-oligarchic sections of the business elite and that’s going to be politically interesting as to how reliant the SNP are on some sections of the business elite that gain from deregulation and some that are effectively asset strippers.

What sections of the electorate moved over to the SNP?

A very large proportion as I’ve mentioned earlier, again something interesting is that the SNP have managed to portray themselves as having an entirely different kind of attractiveness to different sections of voters.

Scotland is the part of the UK that most resembles the UK average in almost all measurements

I think the most important element to them that Labour has to process very carefully is that the most significant part of their core electorate is men in their middle or later middle age who have done quite well. Scotland has quite a lot of people in those circumstances which historically we may not have seen in such large numbers before.

 I think the striking feature now about Scotland is that sociologically it is very like the rest of the UK in ways that it didn’t used to be, for example,  traditionally Scotland would have been seen as having  higher unemployment, greater poverty, poorer housing , a higher proportion of the workforce organised in Trade Unions and a lower proportion of upper middle class – Now Scotland is the part of the UK that most resembles the UK average in almost all measurements.

The wider aspect is that Scotland is the third wealthiest part of the UK but what is interesting is that the two parts which are more wealthy are London and the South East – and sometimes, depending on how you measure it, East Anglia – these parts are so far ahead that Scotland is at the average and all the other regions are below.

Sometimes politicians look backwards and are slow to appreciate these trends and build them into their thinking. This is due to the rise of Finance which is by far the largest employment in some parts of the country and this has to be part of the forward thinking as to how politicians respond to that.

That was the starting point, but by the end a number of sections of the electorate have moved to the SNP and that is going to be politically interesting for our strategies as the SNP will not be  able to please all of the people all of the time, and Labour will have to have a set of policies that appeals to different groups within that. There is a perception  that young people have moved to the SNP,  I am not sure that is true.

Labour’s appeal is quite high to young people and we can develop that. I think we have to also look at how we appeal to older people and to maintain our high attractiveness to female voters as thinking about what we do about the relatively prosperous middle class.

What is your take on the Labour campaign?

we should have made it clear what we would be sacrificing in order to achieve each one of our key policies

I think it would be slightly controversial in my view to say how Labour should have responded. Everybody is terribly clever with  20-20 hindsight but I think Labour have found the SNP, in this election in particular, hard to grapple with because we have not had  such a clear populism in British politics for a very long time.

Labour found it difficult to cope with someone who would outbid whatever populist policies that were there and Labour would have to ground their policies in a great depth of realism, that meant in my view that we should have made it clear what we would be sacrificing in order to achieve each one of our key policies.

We appeared to the voter to be offering the same as the SNP, that stretched the credulity of the voter, they did not think that Labour could do it. I think we would have to respond to that by making it crystal clear what we would be sacrificing for instance to get our apprenticeship program or harsher penalties for knife crime.

 I think it is interesting because Labour members have said to me why should the voters have higher expectations of Labour than the SNP and I think that is partly because Labour is the leading party in Scotland in people’s minds but also that’s a positive for Labour in as much as they expect a higher level of integrity and I think we should have built on that as well.

The SNP picked up a spectacular number of votes in the West of Scotland, what do you think was going on there?

There are  two things to say there, first of all that people who are active in politics, playing close attention to politics will see an enormous chasm between Labour and the SNP from both sides but the voters do not always appreciate that and a lot of voters see Labour and SNP as having a lot of similarities and so it means that voters will quite easily switch and I think that again is something for parties to take into account in the future.

As for the particular issues in the Clydeside area, there are two things, first of all any movement of votes was magnified because of the non-voting.  It was the low turnout that magnified any changes in voting and this  turn out is an enormous issue for all parties but especially for Labour because it tends to punish Labour disproportionately and it is quite sobering that the turnout was only 30% in some areas.

Labour will have to process carefully the fact that the candidate is very important

The other aspect would be that the SNP are moulding quite a different message in different areas and the other  parties whether they be  Scottish Socialists or the Pensioners party have introduced people to not voting Labour.

So I think that in one sense Labour feel they can rebound quite well whether it be  the Inverclyde UK Parliamentary by-election  and recent North Ayrshire by-election in local Government . These have shown that you could draw some comfort from the fact that Labour can respond and  in both those instances that Labour will have to process carefully the fact that the candidate is very important and that if the voters see both Labour and the SNP as being quite similar then that puts a big onus on the selection of candidates.

How can Labour most effectively respond to the SNP?

They have the advantages and disadvantages of a massively centralised organisation which operates in a fairly stalinoid sort of sense so they have the advantage of total loyalty, total obedience but also have the disadvantages that come with that as well –  which may come to the fore in the next wee while  …and that is one thing about Labour’s policies. They have to have policies which try to show up potential divisions within the SNP  but much more importantly divisions between the SNP and what the people of Scotland really need.

we have to be looking at these big structural issues  and that may mean striking out in quite a different direction from the SNP

In terms of policies, I think that I mentioned earlier that the SNP is a populist party but, because we have not really had the depths of populism policies in the UK politics in recent decades, people do not automatically understand what that involves. And the key thing is avoiding difficult realities by a day to day tactical response to issues.

One thing that Labour have to learn is being crystal clear with voters about some of these difficult circumstances and how the SNP are unable to provide answers to them and that even includes the big macro-economic issues of overall expenditure but also includes things like the level of house building, which is currently at the level of 1931 –  that is we are completing housing at the rate we did at the depths of the depression.

That’s shocking!

That is a really shocking fact and we just have to find ways of addressing that which are quite honest with the electorate but which give some hope for the future. …and  we have to be looking at these big structural issues  and that may mean striking out in quite a different direction from the SNP.

It may mean for example, at quite a trivial level in terms of government spending, that you have to look at prescription charges, parking charges, whatever.. as a way of trying to maintain relevance around some of the bigger issues such as housing.

And the Council Tax as well?

The Council Tax again is another thing that is not going to be seriously discussed now for a few years but if we are going to have a discussion on how we fund local services in a serious way,  in my view, that will inevitably involve a local property tax.

You mean a departure from the current Council Tax system?

No, not necessarily, but it means something  fairly similar to what there is now.

The big issue, and the debate that has to be had – is a debate about land value tax and it has to be had imminently if it is going to happen at all. What has happened so far, is that Local Income Tax is a dead duck – only some politicians support it –  it is not feasible, it is not going to happen, so we have to return again either to a Council Tax adjusted to be more progressive or something more radical such as a Land Value Tax but we have to find a stable way of supporting Local Government spending.

Do you think that the SNP gained votes around the issue of opposition to the UK nuclear weapons system?

I would think that is a very small issue in electoral terms but relevant in the sense that the SNP have a broad spectrum of things to say to different voters and it will appeal to a certain type of voter but I do not think it was a major influence on voting in May. Fairly obviously, the only powerful influence it had was in West Dunbartonshire for local reasons and in so much as it was just about the only place where the Labour vote increased.

But it is difficult to measure across the country… 

The vote in West Dunbartonshire clearly was about local jobs but I see what you mean.

So when do you anticipate that the SNP will run into budgetary difficulties?

this election …. will not succumb so easily to being all about Alex Salmond

I presume it will start with the next budget because as I understand it they are going to have two helpings of cuts in one because they managed to agree with the Conservatives last year to postpone last years cuts to help the SNP through the Scottish election and now they will have to do the catch-up.

So the first big bite will be this time round but again the SNP will try to delay it beyond the Council elections. As to how successful they are with that we will have to see but they will be trying to lay traps for all the other parties.

Increasingly it looks as if the parties other than the SNP and Labour are being squeezed out. How do you think the political landscape may look like after the May election?

I think what you are going to see is increasingly, to all intents and purposes, a two party system in an electoral system geared to a multi-party system and I think that is going make some unpredictable issues – a lot will depend on how much the width of support they have can be preserved going into that election.

I think what will be interesting is that the pattern of 3 member and 4 member council wards for each local authority might be interesting because it might be systematically 2-1 in all the threes and 2-2 in all the fours, so if you have a lot of four member wards  it might be very equal between SNP and Labour. But if you have a preponderance of three member wards you might get a very disproportionate result.

the bulk of people who join the SNP do so only because of the independence issue

So I think it is going to be interesting and the SNP  have made it clear that they are going to make an enormous effort in Glasgow to try and seize, as they would see it, the Citadel of Labour and then therefore Labour will also be campaigning very hard in Glasgow.

How that will affect across the country is not so certain. My feeling is that having been intensively involved in the last elections, that the SNP will be able to field less activists than Labour and that will be an important factor as this election is going to be fought all the way across Scotland and will not succumb so easily to being all about Alex Salmond, although the SNP may wish to try and do that.

Clearly the greater part of the Scottish population do not want full independence, so what effect do you think the referendum will have?

I presume that the SNP will be trying to avoid all discussion of the referendum because they know it is a bad thing for them. Maybe what they will try and do is speak about some sort of middle issue of more powers for Scotland or whatever, and try to make the discussion about that , but they will be  trying to avoid it being in anyway about independence.

I think maintaining a reasonable level of Corporation Tax is part of a civilised society

At that point it may become a bit divisive within the SNP, because the bulk of people who join the SNP do so only because of the independence issue. So the premise might be that we will talk about it after the local elections.

I think that within COSLA it will become increasingly important because under the four plus party system, COSLA did not take strong positions on most things because it did not have that level of unity amongst the local authorities. That very unified nature of the SNP may start to rebound a bit in terms of COSLA because the SNP councillors in lock-step with Salmond, may be unable to make the face-saving deals with the LibDems and Conservatives that have covered the cracks in the relationship between Scottish and local government.

So it might end up that quite a lot of the decisions made in COSLA will be anti-SNP positions and with quite a lot of division between local and Scottish Government in the lead up to and in the aftermath of the 2012 elections.

Suppose the referendum ends up with the Scottish Government gaining the power to set Corporation tax – how do think that will pan out?

Well, if they do then I think the UK government may, well let’s say the Tories, will know exactly what they are doing.  So suppose the setting of Corporation tax is devolved to the Scottish Government and they carry out what they say they will do, which is to lower it fairly dramatically, then I think the UK Government may rebound by cutting Corporation tax in parts of England to a lower level and that will leave Scotland losing a lot of income and not gaining the extra business they had anticipated.

Obviously I am a Labour Party supporter and I think maintaining a reasonable level of Corporation Tax is part of a civilised society and we should be trying to ensure that it is reasonably level across the developed world,  we certainly do not want to see an auction of cutting Corporation Tax further and further to the benefit of international finance and to the detriment of our electorate.

Do you think that English inner city riots will come to Scotland?

One aspect which is different is that Educational Maintenance Allowances have been retained in Scotland and I do not think that anyone has processed what that means for poorer communities, and that is a genuine difference.

the idea that new communities in the UK are forming is something the SNP have not processed at all

I think for everything else, and it would be comic if it wasn’t so serious, that people thought that Scotland could not be prone to rioting – I think we could easily see similar things happening . I do not think that we would be immune from rioting. We have more trouble focussing around things like football matches, for example, so it might happen in a different way.

One of the things I found interesting about that was the vehemence in the SNP wishing to say it was English violence rather than UK rioting and one thing to me is that it showed a lack of awareness of the changing world, because quite a lot of the population in the UK do not regard themselves as English or Scottish so, for example, there will be quite large categories of people in census listed as “Black British” or whatever and the idea that new communities in the UK are forming is something the SNP have not processed at all.

I rather like the idea of “new communities”

It is a good development but a problematic one – people do not process long term trends very easily. They do not fully appreciate the changes that have happened in the UK in the last 25 years.  I think the UK is now an enormous magnet for people and is seen as a very positive model for people across the world.

I think that a modern reforming party has to really understand that and what it involves, I mean every year a couple of Aberdeens (in terms of numbers of people) come to stay in the UK and in Scotland, the UK Government is committed to targeting a much reduced migration. In fact its net migration has grown very much with a particular impact on Scottish cities and that brings challenges but it is also appreciating the change.

And what about the countryside?

The impact of change in Scotland’s towns has been profound. The decline in town centres in Scotland I believe has been about twice the UK average probably because of the higher costs of distribution. We need imaginative responses encouraging conversion of shops to much needed residential housing.  We probably need to accept a transformation of the retail sector on which so many jobs currently rely.

Barney Crockett was interviewed by Mike Martin on 30th August 2011.

Aug 202010
 

Toddler Trump … A poem by Rapunzel Wizard, a locally based performance poet who is 96% human and 4% woolly mammoth, and refuses to get a proper job or a haircut.

Too much money makes your head go funny
Swap a business suit for a romper suit
Toddler trump acts like a two year old
Spoiled rotten and never told no Continue reading »