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Old Susannah No.123 – The Beautiful Princess

Jun 142013

Tally Ho! instead of the usual news round up, diary, and definitions, I wanted to cheer everyone up with a little fairy tale. Definitions and normal services to resume shortly. By Suzanne Kelly.

The Beautiful Princess

There once was a beautiful princess; all around her marvelled at her great beauty. Was she as kind, good and honest as her looks implied? Alas! Not so much.

Proud of her great beauty, she entered a beauty pageant to find the fairest face in the land, and naturally, she won, for she was the most beautiful maid in all the highlands. The fame this brought her went straight to her head.

A rich and powerful tyrant saw her beauty and decided she might be of use to him. One of his sons had heard of her great beauty too, and said “Dad can you get me one of those?”

Now all the kingdoms of the earth knew the tyrant loved and coveted money, but he also loved the thing he could not buy – beauty. Cursed (by many), he had about him the look and manners of an angry, podgy, balding ogre. In hushed tones the people hinted that he was indeed descended from an ogress. A long, long time ago, he married a beautiful woman, but as she aged, he cast her off.

He then married a younger, prettier maiden, and when she too aged, he likewise cast her out, only to marry a younger maiden still. (His children were thought of as being part ogre as well; their lusts for shooting the rare wild beasts was unbridled and terrifying to see). Thus, the tyrant had serious image problems, and something had to be done.

“Come and work for me,” the tyrant wrote to the princess; “It does not matter that you have no work experience, I could still find your talents very useful indeed.” He whisked her off to his far away kingdom, where in his palace of pink marble he plied her with gold and jewels. She was truly enchanted, for the thing she loved nearly as much as her dear face was wealth.

And so the princess went to work for the tyrant.

The tyrant was most pleased, and thought to himself:

“As the princess is loved – not only by the townsfolk, but also by a local storyteller prince, so shall these facts benefit my purse as I build my empire. With her in the mix, I am verily quids in.”

Now the princess knew all about the tyrant, but the lure of a job which would give her money to buy pretty things proved too strong to resist. She did like shiny, new pretty things. She also had found a new love in the arms of the handsome storyteller prince.

unbeknownst to her, a small wrinkle appeared on her perfect brow

Now her storyteller prince had previously found love as she herself had, but alas, things change. The prince found the lustre had worn off his old bride, and seeing the lovely princess, he cast off his wife. For the beautiful princess and her prince to be joined, she had to do a bit of casting off as well, and she sent her ex a packin’.

Fearing the peasants would think her less lovely, she wed her storyteller prince in secret, for her handsome prince was none other than the very storyteller who the tyrant wanted to sing his praises. This was some coincidence indeedy.

“Alas – the people who now love me for my great beauty and modesty might not understand my marrying my prince. They might – wrongly of course – think that we are in it for the money, and his storytelling skills, so useful to my tyrant benefactor combined with my earnings from the tyrant are bang out of order.”

As she worried for a second, unbeknownst to her, a small wrinkle appeared on her perfect brow.

She worked hard to keep her lovely looks; she consulted a wizard, who made odd potions out of deadly botchulism poison, and administered these to the fair princess’ face. She had mud wraps and beauty treatments. All was well with her world.

All was not so well where the tyrant king was building.

At his bidding, the lovely princess had the trees and plants swept aside. The animals were chased out of their homes (if they were lucky), and a great course of golf was laid on the seashore. The older folks shook their heads in dismay and disbelief. Those people who lived close to this course of golf were treated poorly as well.

Warlocks disguised as house-hunters appeared on the peasant’s cottage doors, asking to buy their homes for a pittance. The tyrant’s men hounded and persecuted them, halting the resident peasants as they went about their business. A , honest storyteller visiting the peasants was clapped in irons and thrown in a dungeon – all at the say-so of the tyrant’s forces.

Walls of earth were built around the poor cottager-dwellers’ homes.

The only happy people were those who sought to suck up to the tyrant, and verily the princess was first in the line of these.

“Tear down that house on the hill, for it is ugly!” he roared

Whether she was too self-involved to care about the animals and people, or whether she was too thick to know what the cruel realities of the course of golf were was the subject of debate in the taverns. Either way, the princess was not coming out of it in a good light at all. But she was oblivious.

The princess found herself happy and contented. She had her shiny things, and pretty clothes. She had her new clubhouse by the sea too, where she reigned. But somehow – it all seemed temporary.

One day the tyrant came to ask her to do some work.

“Tear down that house on the hill, for it is ugly!” he roared. “Build a wall of earth so I need not look at that ugly peasant’s cottage when I am here by the sea! he decreed!

“Plant the youngest, fairest trees on the sandy bund so that I may nevermore see the peasants, and they may nevermore see the sea!”

Verily, even the muted colours of the shore, sand and gentle grasses and plants were not to his liking.

“Paint each blade of grass a turquoise blue, for that pleases my eye more than the colour that Mother Nature has given them.”

The princess dutifully obeyed –some say she obeyed with a bit too much pleasure.

The trees were planted. Alas! They could not thrive in sand, as any fool knows. But the princess merely saw their ageing, ill condition and had the woodsman cut them down, and replace them with new ones.

Mother Nature had watched all of these activities with waxing wrath. And she wasn’t having it:

“As you have profited from the ageing of another maiden, as you have treated the peasants, the landscape and even these poor trees, which never had a chance to live – all for your own profit and vanity, so it shall be with you one of these days, you b”£$(UT 2!”

Mother Nature was well and truly pissed off.

Verily, the towns folk did talk amongst themselves:

“Is she really the fairest in the land if she is fair of face, but not of deed?”

They asked such questions in whispers. Then one day it came to pass that the jig was up.

There was just a touch more harshness in the tyrant’s voice than usual

Despite marrying in secret, the story was now out – and all the folk knew the princess married the very man who could keep the tyrant sweet, and whose stories the tyrant relied on to boost his ego and profits, which of course helped keep the princess on a nice little earner too.

Time went past.

The ugly tyrant would visit now and then. One such day he said to the princess:

“What the F*!£$%!!!@?? are those F*)($%&^ing ugly trees doing on that bund? They look old and tired, and are in serious need of replacing!”

There was just a touch more harshness in the tyrant’s voice than usual. Smiling outwardly to the tyrant, the princess heaved a sigh as he finally flew away on his great silver jet.

When he left, a twitch struck her eye, and the wrinkle on her fair brow appeared once more. Despite several layers of St Tropez tanning spray, she seemed somehow pale.

As time passed, the storyteller prince started going to balls without the princess; he started to work a little later at the office.

Came the day the princess was buying more designer clothes. “Madame will need another size up, I fear”, said the shopkeeper “but don’t worry, this designer just cuts the sizes very small”, the shopkeeper lied, fingers crossed behind her back.

As the princess looked at her reflection in the glass, she paused for a moment. Was that a shadow or a wrinkle on her brow? Was that extra build of up tanning spray under her eyes, or dark circles? Was that a touch of silver in her hair peeping through? Had the lines on her lovely throat deepened? “I’ll need a fortnight at Champney’s at least”, the worried princess thought.

For a second, she thought – which in itself was notable.

She thought of the wives of the tyrant, cast aside once they bloom of youth had departed them. She thought of the previous consort to her own prince, now consigned to the scrap heap. She thought of the peasants, walled behind mounds of earth to conceal their poverty from the tyrant.

She thought of the scores and scores of trees she ordered planted, knowing they would not live, and after drying in the hostile climate would be thrown aside, their lives inconsequential. All these had to be replaced or hidden to hide their lack of beauty and youth.

The thought never reached a conclusion, for her mobile phone had started to ring. She could see it was the tyrant calling her. She took another look at her reflection.

She was not smiling now.

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Zeppelin Over Insch

Aberdeenshire, Featured, History, Information No Responses »

May 022013

Duncan Harley writes about the 1916 terror bombing of the Garioch

In the very early years of the 20th century, the main source of world and home news was via printed newspapers and to a growing extent cinema. There was of course no television, and although radio had been invented its use was largely limited to commercial and military use.

The sinking of the “unsinkable” White Star liner RMS Titanic in April 1912 had led to the wide-scale adoption of Marconi Company radio equipment as a safety feature on passenger ships, but regular broadcasting of news and entertainment via the radio waves was still some years away.

In fact the first continuous radio broadcast in the world was a three hour programme from the American Radio and Research Company in March 1916, but it was only really during the 1920s that new technology in the form of the first vacuum tubes led to the regular broadcasting of news, current affairs and entertainment.

The age of the propaganda film had however arrived, and when Europe was plunged into war in 1914, the governments of the day on all sides of the conflict were quick to seize the opportunities which the new medium offered.

Films were produced to encourage cinema goers to buy war bonds as a patriotic duty, and countless documentaries were made to persuade the public that the war to end all wars was just and right.

Titles such as “A Goal for the Huns”, made in 1916, encouraged shipyard workers to work harder and produce more ships for the Navy, while the 1916 documentary “German Prisoners at Verdun” persuaded those on the home front that the war was already almost won and the complete surrender of “the Hun” and a quick victory was just a few months away.

In the towns and cities of the UK the news was more often than not delivered via daily newspapers and Aberdeenshire had at least two of these, namely the Aberdeen Free Press and the Aberdeen Daily Journal. During the First World War, both titles competed for readers using a heady mix of national and international news interspersed with photos of young and heroic looking troops, in full combat uniform, leaving Aberdeenshire for the trenches in France or the Middle East Front.

Other parts of these news sheets carried sad lists of the dead and missing, often with portraits of them in uniform, which must have been taken prior to departure.

a pretty obvious indication that the war was consuming the nation’s lifeblood at a galloping rate

The editions of these papers for the first week of May 1916 featured articles on Mr Asquith’s amendment to the recently passed Compulsory Enlistment Military Service Bill making it compulsory for all males to enlist on their eighteenth birthday “thus ensuring a constant supply of new recruits”.

Not good news for the young men and a pretty obvious indication that the war was consuming the nation’s lifeblood at a galloping rate.

There were articles on the aftermath of that Irish Easter Rebellion which Yeats so eloquently described in “Easter, 1916” with the now famous conclusive line “A terrible beauty is born.”

Lists of those Irish leaders who had been sentenced to death and then shot for their part in the uprising and even a mention of the trial in Salonika of some members of a group of Bosnian Nationalists implicated in the 1914 assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria which had been the spark which ignited the conflict in the first place.

The editions of both the Aberdeen Free Press and the Aberdeen Daily Journal for Thursday May 4th 1916 however carried news of a more local nature.

The war had finally arrived on Aberdeenshire’s doorstep in the form of aerial bombing by a German Zeppelin on the night of May 2nd! The headlines screamed “Terrific Noise of Crashing Bombs” and “Zeppelin at Rattray Head” with descriptions of up to 17 bombs having been dropped over the North East of Scotland in the course of the terror raid.

In reality, Zeppelin raids were nothing new to the UK mainland and in fact were quite common over parts of England and the continent, but it had been assumed that the North East of Scotland was well out of range of the raiders whose bases were in the north of Germany some 12 hours flying time away.

The usual targets for the German crews were shipyards and military bases but, as was the case in the second war to end all wars, the art of aerial bombing was uncertain at best and usually quite haphazard resulting in most bombs falling on civilian areas.

There had been a raid on Scotland during the night of April 2nd 1916 consisting of four airships which were targeted to attack the Rosyth naval base and the Forth Rail Bridge.

Travelling at around 45mph the 600ft long Zeppelins crossed the UK coast at various points due to having become separated en-route to the intended targets.

One appeared in the night skies over Leith and Edinburgh city centre dropping bombs which killed ten and caused widespread damage. Following this attack blackout precautions came into force and Scotland’s anti aircraft defences came under review.

Exactly one month later, on 2nd May 1916, the raiders returned. The targets once again were the Forth Rail Bridge and Rosyth Naval Base, but the navigation was disrupted by stormy weather on the journey over the North Sea leading yet again to the airships becoming separated. After a gruelling 12 hour journey only two managed to actually find Scotland at all!

In what now seems a quite farcical series of events the Zeppelin L14, mistook the Firth of Tay for the Firth of Forth and dropped its bombs in a field injuring a horse.

The other, the L20, proceeded north, possibly intending to bomb a secondary target of warships in the Cromarty Firth, eventually making landfall over Rattray Head in Buchan.

The Aberdeen Free Press was somewhat restrained in its report of what happened next, no doubt to do with censorship. “Bombs Dropped in Fields” ran the headline with a description of “some windows in a mansion house and a cotter house” being “broken by the concussion” plus a description some craters in a cornfield.

In fact the raider had bombed Castle Craig near Lumsden, whose occupants had neglected to turn off their newly installed electric lights, before proceeding to Insch where two bombs were dropped in a field at Flinders. Knockenbaird Farm and Freefield House near Old Rayne were also subject to bombing although no-one appears to have been injured and damage appears to have been very minor indeed.

Airships are still in use today almost a century after they were first developed

The Aberdeen Free Press reports indicated that aside from the hapless horse injured near Edinburgh, there had been 36 casualties including nine killed south of the Scottish border by other raiders but that “no person sustained the slightest injury” in the North East.

The House of Commons were duly informed by the Right Honourable Harold Tennant MP Secretary for Scotland that the “17 bombs dropped by the L20 over the Garioch on the night of 2nd May caused little damage.”

A lucky escape indeed for the North East although the events of the second war would prove much less fortunate when Aberdeen suffered repeated bombing from the Luftwaffe, but that is another story.

The eventual fate of the injured horse is not recorded but the outcome for the Zeppelin L20 certainly is. After yet again becoming lost it headed out over the North Sea in an attempt to make landfall in Norway.

The L20 eventually ran out of fuel just off the Norwegian coast near Sandnes.

On May 3rd 1916 The Press Association reported that,

“Zeppelin L20 was reported this morning at 10 o’clock over the Southern part of the Jaederin coast. The aircraft flew slowly towards the north and came nearer and nearer to the coast, which it eventually crossed. It then passed at a low altitude over the country as far as Halsfirth where it came down in the water. The Zeppelin appears to have been damaged and it is reported that the crew jumped out of the gondolas into the sea near Hinna”.

Seemingly most of the German airships crew of 16 survived to fight another day having been rescued by local fishermen. However a Norwegian officer set the wrecked airship aflame with a well placed shot from his flare pistol thus ending what had been a quite farcical episode in the history of aerial warfare.

Sources

World War 1 propaganda film/Pathe news: http://www.britishpathe.com/ww1-news
Aberdeen Free Press, Thursday May 4th 1916
Aberdeen Daily Journal, April 4th and May 4th 1916
Aberdeenshire Peoples Journal, May 6th 1916
Background information: http://www.heraldscotland.com/kaiser-s-plan-blown-off-course
and http://trove.nla.gov.au/ndp/del/article/89975987
Leopard Magazine January 1999
John Duff Scott’s Magazine January 1999
David Fergus Yeats http://www.online-literature.com/frost/779/

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Newspaper Printing Leaves Aberdeen

Aberdeen City, Featured, Information 3 Responses »

Apr 262013

The printed newspaper may be going the way of the Dodo and the 8-track. George Wilson updates Aberdeen Voice readers to changes in dead tree media which might have otherwise gone unnoticed.

Tuesday the 26th of March 2013 marked the beginning of the end for newspaper printing in Aberdeen. On that day, for the first time, editions of the Press and Journal and Evening Express were printed outside Aberdeen.
The Highlands and Islands and Inverness editions of the Press and Journal and the City Final of the Evening Express were printed in Dundee with the other editions to follow.

This was the start of the transfer of newspaper printing from Aberdeen to D.C. Thomson in Dundee, the Citizen and Scotads having been printed there a few weeks before.

By the time you read this article all editions of the Press and Journal and Evening Express will be printed in Dundee and all printing will have ended at the Lang Stracht in Aberdeen. In the next few weeks the printing press will be decommissioned, bringing to an end a long history of newspaper printing dating back to the first edition of the “Aberdeen’s Journal” in 1747.

It also ends the jobs of more than 40 people.

Of course this is happening with the minimum of fuss and publicity from the publications concerned, so I thought it only right that such an important event should be brought to people’s attention.

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Tilting At Windmills

Aberdeen City, Featured, Information 7 Responses »

Apr 182013

By Duncan Harley.

When Donald Trump bought the Menie Estate just outside Aberdeen, he may have thought he could ride roughshod over the people of Scotland and to a great extent it appears that he has so far succeeded.

Depending of course on your viewpoint, an SSSI has been converted into a luxury golf course leaving only a coastal strip of sand dunes as testament to the habitat which had existed on the Aberdeen coastline for thousands of years.

Environmentalist’s arguments seemed to have proved useless against the promise of wealth and jobs in the oil capital of Europe where unemployment runs at only about 2% but where those who make decisions about these things look to a future when “the oil will run out”.

Mr Trump is now challenging Scotland’s renewable energy policy vowing to bring a lawsuit to halt a 230 million pound ($349 million) wind farm development, consisting of 11 wind turbines, planned off the coast near Aberdeen in Scotland.

The output from the offshore scheme is estimated at up to 100MW and over twelve months would be capable of yielding, on average, enough clean, green electricity to power the equivalent of over 68,000 UK households according to Aberdeen Offshore Wind Farm Ltd (AOWFL) – a joint venture between Swedish Energy Company Vattenfall and Aberdeen Renewable Energy Group (AREG), a consortium of local business and university groups.

The National Record Office for Scotland estimated the number of households in the city in 2011 to be 103,843 which makes this groundbreaking scheme an attractive proposition to those who see offshore wind energy as a way forward.

Fergus Ewing, the Scottish energy minister on announcing the go ahead for the scheme told journalists that:

“Offshore renewables represent a huge opportunity for Scotland, an opportunity to build up new industries and to deliver on our ambitious renewable energy and carbon reduction targets. The proposed European offshore wind deployment centre will give the industry the ability to test and demonstrate new technologies in order to accelerate its growth. [It] secures Aberdeen’s place as the energy capital of Europe.”

In response to the announcement of the go ahead by the Scottish Government Donald Trump, head of Trump International Golf Club Scotland Ltd, said:

“We will spend whatever monies are necessary to see to it that these huge and unsightly industrial wind turbines are never constructed,”

The rhetoric seems familiar somehow. Prior to his appearance in front of the Scottish Government Economy Energy and Tourism Committee in 2012 he was quoted as saying that there was not a shred of evidence that turbines benefit the environment. During a press conference following this hearing he told journalists that:

“If Alex Salmond was smart, he would stop right now because what he’s doing to Scotland is terrible. This is the same thing as al-Megrahi, when they let him out of prison because he would die in two weeks. And guess what, he was running around the park last week”

Many Scots were however bemused when in December 2012 a full page advertisement appeared in some regional newspapers featuring an image of a Californian wind farm next to a US freeway and a photo of First Minister Alex Salmond, the suggestion being that these were in some way linked.

The full page advert, dated 14^th December 2012, also appeared to link the Lockerbie terrorist bombing with the Scottish Governments policy on renewable energy and asked “Is this the future for Scotland?” Readers were urged to “Take action. Write, demonstrate and protest Alex Salmond”.

Some suspected left wing anti capitalist rhetoric and others wondered if April 1st had come early.

However on close inspection, tucked away in the corner of the page was an indication that the advert had been placed by a local golf course. Trump International Golf Links Scotland no less!

The full text of the advert reads:

Is this the future for Scotland?
Tourism will suffer and the beauty of your country is in jeopardy!
This is the same mind that backed the release of terrorist al-Megrahi
“for humane reasons” — after he ruthlessly killed 270 people on Pan-Am 103 over Lockerbie.
“Take action. Write, demonstrate and protest Alex Salmond”
Alex.Salmond.msp@scottish.parliament.uk

For many the Lockerbie link was particularly offensive. Not only was the claim that 270 people were killed on Pan-Am 103 over Lockerbie inaccurate, the correct figure is 259 plus the eleven residents of Lockerbie who were killed on the ground, but the use of the tragedy to bolster an argument against renewable energy seemed frankly quite wrong particularly since the anniversary of the 1988 bombing falls on 21^st December just a week after the adverts publication.

Scottish Green MSP Patrick Harvie was quick to label the Trump comments as sick saying:

“Trump has sunk to a new low”

and

“Trump’s organisation has already trashed a unique environment on the coast of Aberdeenshire and trampled on the rights of local people, now he appears to be determined to buy up chunks of the Scottish press.”

Dr Jim Swire, whose daughter Flora died in the 1988 bombing, said the murders had “no place in a confrontation between an entrepreneur who is interested in making money in Scotland and the government”.

This was not the first time the Trump organisation had attracted criticism following the placing of adverts in the Scottish press.

Complaints about a previous advert had been upheld by the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) with Trump being warned “not to exaggerate the number of turbines likely to be installed or the possible consequences of the Scottish Governments plans to use wind turbines”.

This followed a regional press advert dated 19^th September 2012 for Communities Against Turbines Scotland, and was headed “Welcome to Scotland!” above a photograph of broken and rusty wind turbines with text stating, “Alex Salmond wants to build 8,750 of these monstrosities – just think about it! Join us in Edinburgh for a march and a rally.”

Inevitably the ASA were again faced with complaints, 21 in all, about the new advertisement.

The grounds for complaint centred around three topics.

That tourism will suffer and the beauty of your country is in jeopardy.
The image of turbines overlooking an American freeway was misleading.
The references to al-Megrahi and the Lockerbie bombing were inappropriate and likely to cause offence.

On point one, despite Trump International’s argument that they had secured clearance from the Committee of Advertising Practice (CAP) for the advert, the ASA found that the complaint was upheld since the statement that tourism would suffer could not be substantiated. The statement in the advert breached the rules on grounds of misleading advertising and substantiation.

On point two, the ASA considered that the image alongside the claim “tourism will suffer and the beauty of your country is in jeopardy” implied that the wind turbines overlooking an American freeway was representative of a proposed wind farm in Scotland.

In the absence of evidence that this was the case, they upheld the complaint and concluded that it was misleading. The image breached the rules on grounds of misleading advertising and substantiation.

On point three, the ASA considered that the claim “This is the same mind that backed the release of terrorist al-Megrahi “for humane reasons” — after he ruthlessly killed 270 people on Pan-Am 103 over Lockerbie.” drew attention to the Lockerbie bombing in order to comment on Alex Salmond’s policies on renewable energies.

However they considered that readers were likely to find this distasteful rather than offensive and judged that the claim did not breach the advertising standards code.

In conclusion, the Advertising Standards Authority state:

“The ad must not appear again in its current form. We told Trump International Golf Club Scotland Ltd not to make claims unless they could be substantiated with robust evidence and not to use misleading imagery.”

A victory for truth and democracy? Perhaps we shall have to wait and see.

As a footnote, it is noteworthy that the Aberdeen Press and Journal, one of the two Scottish newspapers to publish the Trump advert, carried a follow up news item the day after entitled “Trumps turbines link to Lockerbie ‘sick'”, and quoting the Trump Organisation ex -vice president George Sorial as saying that he had “wanted the content” of the advert “to be much stronger because Scotland is facing an economic and environmental meltdown if wind turbines are not stopped”.

Don Quixote would have been hard put to make sense of it all. Perhaps, however, time is running out for Trump.

Sources

Offshore Turbines Aberdeen Bay: http://www.vattenfall.co.uk/en/aberdeen-bay.htm
Lockerbie Bomb: http://lockerbiecase.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/jim-swire-criticises-donald-trump-over.html
The Trump on Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_Trump
Scottish Parliament Trump Submission: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-scotland-politics-17837110
and: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/apr/25/donald-trump-appearance-scottish-parliament
Advertising Standards Authority: http://www.asa.org.uk/Rulings/Adjudications/2012/9/The-Trump-Organization-LLC/SHP_ADJ_195478.aspx

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The Laird O Menie’s Fules

Creative Writing, Opinion 1 Response »

Mar 212013

By Bob Smith.

Lord McCluskey his recommendit
We shud regulate Scottish press
Iss his caused a richt ballyhoo
Fae Stranraer up tae Stromness

The press maun hae freedom
Tae tell us aa fit’s fit
Bit ower mony o oor tabloids
Jist print a load o shit

The SNP is noo thinkin
O publishin it’s ain paper
Mony fowk are nae in favour
O iss propaganda caper

The opeenion column o the P&J
His been caain fer democracy
Thoosans o fowk wull be laachin
Aboot their bliddy hypocrisy

Aa iss fae oor local paper
Faa’s bias tae Trump’s weel kent
Yet views fae Tripping up Trump
They widna pit intae print

“Traitors” bawled the “Evenin Express”
At the cooncillors faa voted no
Fin Trump’s application wis thrown oot
“EE” condemnation wisna slow

A paper’s voice maan be heard
As lang’s they play bi the rules
An nae be thocht o nation wide
As “The Laird o Menie’s Fules”

Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013

Old Susannah’s Journal No. 114 – Stop (the) Press!

Opinion, Satire and Humour 12 Responses »

Mar 212013

Voice’s Old Susannah takes a look over the past week’s events in the ‘Deen and beyond. By Suzanne Kelly.

Tally Ho! Apologies for the late running of this column.

For one thing I’ve been a bit tied up with issues at the Menie Estate. I’ve compiled a report covering some of the little issues people have with the galaxy’s greatest golf course and Mr Trump. Leaving aside boring issues such as the quality of life for residents, visitors and wildlife, it was a huge honour to be one of the first people to see the brand new plaque by the course’s temporary (?) clubhouse.

This plaque tells you the course has been ‘weaved’ through the ‘largest dunes in the world’.

Of course it has. I wonder whether The Donald wrote this brilliant prose himself, or if one of our BiG local PR agencies devised it for him. It is very inspirational – I just won’t tell you what I felt inspired to do.

While at the course I had hoped to interview some of the thousands of new employees working in the promised golf jobs, and ask what was going on with the millions of pounds of income generated. I couldn’t find these new employees – perhaps they were all out counting their money. However, I was lucky enough to see one of the rarest forms of wildlife, the lesser-spotted Sarah Malone-Bates.

It was wearing a bright pink blouse (which was interesting, as the rest of us needed coats, hats and gloves). She must have been cold, but a little suffering is the price of beauty. (I note that there are a few beauty contests coming up in our area; isn’t it great to know how important looks are, and what humanitarian ends beauty contest winners can get up to.

Some say beauty is skin deep; others that beauty is as beauty does. I wonder what Mrs Maloney-Baloney thinks. They also say you get the face you deserve by the time you’re 40. I wonder what Mr Trump thinks on that score).

Other than that, there has been so much activity of late that it’s hard to know where to start.

First, a thank you to the nice people at Lunan Farm Shop & Cafe, who helped me when my mobile phone got lost. I was quite put out, worried I might miss a call asking me to join ACSEF, or offering me a vice-presidency job at Trump International. I have my phone back now, and am awaiting those calls which should come any day now.

What Lunan and the Farm Shop/Cafe lack in connectivity and vibrancy, they make up for in other ways and then some. Like being nice and serving real food.

As per usual an amazing visit to BrewDog; their man Fisher has painted an amazing black and white mural there, and starting 25/3, the walls will feature artwork from up and coming area residents.

What’s clean air and wildlife compared to someone somewhere making money?

When I go jogging around Nigg Bay, there are more and more other joggers to be seen, as well as walkers, cyclists, golfers and wildlife spotters. We’re all thrilled to think the Harbour Board wants to ruin the last stretch of coastline with potential harbour expansion. Money before environment has worked really well in Aberdeenshire.

We’ve got a great situation at Menie, with compromised SSSIs, we’ve got some of the top ten most polluted roads (funny that includes roads near the harbour), and a sewage plant. Let’s just finish the job, deal nature a final blow, and turn Nigg Bay into a money-maker, too. What’s clean air and wildlife compared to someone somewhere making money?

Before getting to some definitions, there is some sad news. A gentle giant, humble, meek and softly-spoken has left Aberdeen City Council (no, not Pete Leonard. Yet). Perhaps you’d best sit down (if you’re not already): Gerry Brough has left – resigned.

Without Gerry, we couldn’t have spent hundreds of thousands of pounds on the City Garden Project, which brought so much harmony to our city. His timid, mild behaviour at meetings might have made him easy to overlook, but let’s look at some of his many accomplishments.

Without Gerry, we might have had a chance to vote ‘No’ to building in UTG when presented with the shortlist of ‘designs’ for turning UTG into shops and parking. Where would we have been then?

He selflessly ‘donated’ about 11 hours per week of his own time to sit on various City Garden Project committees, with no thought of eventual reward, disregarding EU work-time directives. I’m sure his family felt deprived of his sunny disposition.

Some might say this free work done by Brough Trade was a smokescreen to make it look as if the project didn’t cost anything to the taxpayer and to help him get in with the ACSEF mob or the odd billionaire. But I knew he had a good heart. A heart of granite.

For some strange reason, several of the shops have folded, and one became an internet business

Who else will represent Aberdeen in Houston and Grenoble? We flew him there for very important meetings and conventions last year. If those important meetings coincided with cuts to services for the elderly and school facilities, it was worth it. Then there was the way he was fair to both sides of the garden referendum debate.

His involvement in how the referendum question was worded was sadly not appreciated by the Friends of Union Terrace Gardens. Gerry said at the time the FOUTG were trying to ‘undermine’ the process.

If by undermining it he meant not accepting 11th hour wording changes or being railroaded into a lamely-worded question, Gerry was right. (see also https://aberdeenvoice.com/2011/12/utg-referendum-question-already-soured/ ).

He also helped give us ’Retail Rocks!’ in Torry. On the one hand, it brought shops back into use. Well, for a few months anyway. Even if this rocking scheme created unfair advantage for the new shopkeepers over existing businesses, and took tens of thousands of taxpayer pounds in the process, it’s what Gerry wanted. I think this was really just his way of helping to stimulate the economy (for consultants and shopfitters).

For some strange reason, several of the shops have folded, and one became an internet business. It is almost as if having a shop premise selling goods isn’t as profitable as selling goods on the intranet. Still, this kind of forward-thinking scheme won an award of some kind.

Some people would say that service industries are a better way to go to get empty shops filled, lower rates for all ‘ma and pa’ businesses would also help, and using empty shops for artwork displays, events, charity fundraisers and so on would stimulate high street growth. But Gerry knew best, and now, <sob> he’s gone.

Rumours of Independent, Labour, Conservative politicians joining 99% of the ACC staff in dancing on tables and celebrating with BrewDogs are unconfirmed. Adios Ger.

This week there are many interesting developments concerning freedom of the press: i.e. – there might not be much of it going forward. Here are a few definitions to try and make sense of what happened to the media, and what might happen.

Monopoly: (Eng. noun) – situation in which one person or company owns all or nearly all of a given resource or market sector putting them in a completely dominant position.

Aside from Private Eye magazine and a few quirky politicians, the UK government bent over backward to allow Rupert Murdoch to get as near a monopoly over the UK’s media, print and broadcast as was possible. Quite right too. It was June 2010, Rupe had the Sun, the Times, and he wanted BSB too.

What could possibly be wrong with one person controlling the majority of the media? Why nothing. As one professor put it:-

“It is vital to guard against just having a knee-jerk, ideological objection to Mr Murdoch – his companies produce an exceptionally large amount of very high quality content” – Tim Luckhurst, Professor of journalism at the University of Kent
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10317856

I guess I should define ‘high quality content’ sometime.

Murdoch’s empire dwarfed the BBC, and outbid them on major sports programmes which Rupert then put on satellite television, where everyone could watch for a small fee. Or for a giant fee if you wanted to play a game in your pub or bar. Everyone was happy. Well, Rupert was.

The funny thing about having a monopoly and being allowed by government and the police to do whatever you want is that you might start thinking you can do whatever you want. With the government giving Murdoch the green light for media dominance, and a few scattered police men and women having cosy meetings with News Corporation operative, things started getting a wee bit dodgy.

The Sun started to get a little adventurous and creative when landing important stories. Its intrepid investigative reporters devoted their time to finding sex scandals, up skirt shots, hiring private detectives to do a spot of wire-tapping, and paying the paparazzi to take all-important intrusive photos of celebrities and their children.

I’m sure those involved in these activities were free to pursue any journalistic directions they wanted, free from any controlling editors or a right-wing proprietor. Ah, the golden days of press. Or was that yellow journalism.

Whatever it was, we bought it. Profits weren’t that great on the print side, but this was offset by the satellite arm of the empire. And so it went. Perhaps the print media also made one or two subtle political hints echoing whichever politician Murdoch favoured. If so, it was far too subtle for Old Susannah to pick up on.

Leveson Inquiry: (Compound proper English noun). An inquiry into a variety of press scandals, leading to recommendations for press regulation.

Believe it or not, over the years, there have been one or two scandals in British establishments. In fact there were one or two minor issues in the banking sector not all that long ago. These resulted in economic meltdown, loss of the UK’s AAA rating, and austerity measures (unless you worked for a bank or were in government of course).

The government acted swiftly to give the banks a stern talking to, and a few billion pounds to tide them over. Then followed one or two other minor scandals involving sub-prime mortgages and manipulation of the LIBOR rates.

These were swiftly followed by more slaps on bankers’ wrists, and lots more subsidies. That showed them. Some people point to close links between the ConDems and banking executives, but I’m sure our elected officials would never allow favouritism to cloud their judgment.

Banks weren’t alone in behaving badly for profit. Newspapers have been involved in one or two unsavoury activities recently, too. Don’t worry though, the police were on the case. Or should I say the police were on the take.

Police officials and hacks met for expensive meals in nice London restaurants Blind eyes were turned; Police and MoD officials pocketed cash from the Sun, and police detectives helped the papers with stories in exchange for money. All the while paparazzi photographers took long-lens shots at celebrities and children of same, to go with stories often obtained illegally.

News was getting replaced by celebrity gossip trash. The public protested by buying more and more copies of ‘OK!’ ‘Hello!’ ‘I Have No Life Of My Own!’ and so on.

Things went too far; even the police and government couldn’t continue to pretend they weren’t in bed with the tabloids.

You would think that the existing laws could have been enforced at the time

Something must be done, or something had to be seen to be done. It was time for another long, expensive inquiry. No doubt there would be some outcomes from Leveson criticising how the police were both complicit and enabling to all this phone tapping and story selling.

You could be forgiven for thinking the way forward would be to ensure that paparazzi and reporters are stopped from illegal intrusions and entrapment, and are ordered to respect privacy, especially the privacy of innocent people and children. You would be wrong.

You would think that the existing laws could have been enforced at the time by a switched-on, honest police force. But think again.

For the bankers, stern words and subsidies were the answer. After all, they’ve only cost the taxpayer a few billion in bail-outs. For the fifth estate, which is historically meant to be a check on politicians, the remedy is different.

Instead of enforcing the laws we already have, the politicians have a great idea: the press will be held accountable to politicians. No one is accountable for allowing the monopoly to be created, no code of conduct will be created for the police to ensure they obey and enforce laws, and stop taking hospitality from the press.

No, the entire media sector is solely at fault, not just the tabloids. Or so they would have you think, and that’s good enough for me.

Of course the details of how regulation will work are sketchy; there are more questions than answers concerning proposed press regulatory bodies and mandatory sign-up to a government code on the press.

There goes some 400 years of freedom, just to punish the antics of the monopoly press which got away with Murdoch for years. It’s almost as if government wanted to get control over the entire media sector, and weren’t happy with its history of exposing crooked politicians, out-of-control MOD budgets, NHS management failures, sexed-up dossiers getting us into the Iraq war, and so on.

I for one will find the new government-controlled news much easier to digest

What will this mean to bloggers, small publishers, satire writers? Possibly ‘exemplary’ fines, lawsuits galore, and lots of rich lawyers. We just don’t’ know yet. What will this mean to investigative journalism?

For years we’ve been fed a populist diet of magazines filled with celebrities who are considered too fat one day and too thin the next. There are shots of stars who get drunk, who have ‘wardrobe malfunctions’ who go out with other stars and then break up. It’s just as well we’ve taken these important issues to heart – going forward this might be the only kind of news we get.

I for one will find the new government-controlled news much easier to digest. From now on instead of investigating council waste, issues at the Menie Estate and abuses of office, I can start writing about who’s wearing what, what new beauty queens have been crowned, and how thin or fat they are.

Still, there is one ground-breaking development Old Susannah is happy to share…

Augmented Reality: (modern compound noun)

New technology coming soon to an Aberdeen Journal publication near you!

There I was, wondering about the future of newspapers. And then I saw this:-

“Make your Evening Express come to life

“App lets readers see videos and images

“Published: 06/03/2013

“Bookmark with:

“Share on linkedin Share on facebook Share on twitter Share on email Share on gmail Share on stumbleupon Share on favorites More Sharing Services

“THE Evening Express today unveiled a revolutionary new way of allowing our readers to interact with the paper.

“Video and 3D images can pop up from the printed page thanks to the innovative new scheme.

“Dubbed augmented reality (AR), the application involves the reader holding their phone over a “trigger” advert, resulting in a series of 3D images and videos displayed through the user’s phone.”

Can we really use our phones to augment my reality? Yes we can! I can see it now: 3D Stewart Milne homes, 3D views of Trump golf courses. Then again, the photos of the Trump course in the recent P&J Golf Supplement look just a bit greener and neater than any photos I’ve managed to take to date. Could someone be augmenting the reality of the greens?

Maybe we could have augmented reality photos of our councillors as well. They say this technology can make people seem life-like. For some of our elected reps, this will be quite an improvement.

Time to go find a copy of ‘OK!’ and see what’s going on in the world. If I’m not thrown in jail, we’ll see what’s up next week.

PS – For some odd reason Labour are not happy with P&J coverage of a recent event.

This is very surprising. Most of us aren’t happy with their coverage of any events. While they rammed a granite web down our throats and perpetuated the myth it was cost-free, they accidentally forgot to mention Trump’s VP marrying their editor and skirted the slight bias this might mean.

They seem to have implied a man up in court for drug-dealing was a Labour member/activist; he wasn’t.

The P&J printed the full-page Trump anti-wind farm ad referring to Lockerbie, but refused to take an ad, pre-referendum, from the Friends of Union Terrace Gardens for being ‘too political’. Its sister paper called those who voted against Trump ‘neeps’ and ‘traitors’.

It said that two deer had died in advance of the Tullos Hill deer slaughter (the deer died two full years earlier, of unknown causes – as wild animals are known to do on occasion). Other than that, what’s not to like?

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Old Susannah’s Journal No 111 – Love Is In The Air

Opinion, Satire and Humour 17 Responses »

Feb 082013

Voice’s Old Susannah takes a look over the past week’s events in the ‘Deen and beyond. By Suzanne Kelly.

Tally Ho! As St Valentine’s Day approaches, love is well and truly in the air. Either that, or the wind has changed direction and is blowing across the sewage plant.

Another vibrant and dynamic week passed in the Deen; I saw the excellent comedy improv troupe Wildly Unprepared at their usual free show at the Belmont; I hope to catch up with them soon to write about them in more depth.

I quite enjoyed the audience participation part of it.

I’ve been to a few restaurants and bars as well; of course including the usual stop at BrewDog. Particularly delicious drinks at the moment are the collaboration ‘Catherine’s Pony’ and guest, ‘The Eight Ball.’

I decided it would be a good idea to reintroduce the word ‘journal’ to the title of my column this week; there seems to be a few people on Facebook who are scandalised that this little satirical diary column should include details of what I get up to, or what I like.

I am of course the first columnist in history to write a diary applauding places, people and products. Unless you count Samuel Pepys, Julie Burchill, and even the Evening Express’s very own Cat Cubie. I did try staying home and not seeing people, but for some reason, I wound up getting less story leads that way, and it made for even less exciting reading than my normal column.

Some others are apoplectic that I should mention BrewDog. I promise to try to stop forcing people to read this column and I will no longer make people drink craft beer. Just for the record, I first disclosed my massive (£95) shareholding in the company only recently. September 2011 to be exact. But in the interests of fairness, I will make a point of including other excellent products and services going forward.

I am still rather cross with my postman; I never did receive my invite to the wedding of the decade. Mistress Bates and her Master (ie Trump’s VP and the P&J’s editor) never got the wedding gifts I’d painstakingly sourced for them, and I never got to wear my new hat.

As well as a case of Donald Trump brand water and a fetching Donald Trump necktie (made in China), perfect for the editor who has everything, I’d some other great gifts lined up:-

1. Padded check shirt (only £19.99 or buy any two for £29.99). I’d arranged his and hers fleece-lined shirts, perfect for casual wear when working outdoors. I can picture the happy couple now, perhaps hand in hand at the Balmedie dunes, watching the ‘fantastic’ progress made repairing the eroded course, or overseeing security guards chasing ramblers and locals around.

2. Steam-O-Power – with which they would have been able to ‘say goodbye to ironing and eliminate wrinkles fast.’ I foresee that they happy couple just might have a few wrinkles to iron out. Anyway, ‘Steam-O-Power was a steal at £29.95.

It included a trouser crease attachment (perfect for looking your best for visiting billionaires and Scottish Government ministers, or cutting a figure at PCC enquiries). A brush and measuring cup were also included (at no extra cost! Result!) – handy for giving people the brush-off, or for measuring out Donald Trump water.

3. Wrinkle cream – guaranteed to fix your laughter and worry lines. Never mind the old-fashioned concept that ‘beauty is as beauty does.’ Sometimes life’s little stresses and strains can cause – heaven forbid! – the odd wrinkle. A beauty queen can’t be too careful, you know. I’m sure that there would only have been laughter lines to be corrected, as what could possibly worry Mrs Bates?

Now that you’ve read about these great buys in the Old Susannah column, clearly there will be a stampede to the shops to try and find these great products since I’ve mentioned them. Well, you needn’t look any further than the last few issues of the Press & Journal, for these are all P&J products, offered exclusively to readers by post.

The promises made for the effectiveness of the wrinkle cream are, I am certain as reliable as anything else in the paper. I quite like the fact they are diversifying, but I can’t imagine why they would need to. I did try and find a stain remover, but alas no such luck. This might explain a few lingering stains indeed.

Well, with Valentine’s Day upon us, romantic gifts from roses and champagne to teddy bears and silk teddies, check flannel-lined shirts and wrinkle steamers are flying off shop shelves. Here then are some timely terms for this celebration of love.

Engagement: (Eng. 1. noun – two people contracted to marry each other; 2. Mod Eng. verb – to interact)

Traditionally, engagements are announced and details posted in newspapers or church bulletins; the happy couples are usually so proud of their pending nuptials that they want to shout it from the rooftops. Then again, some tend to want to keep things quiet.

Marriage: (Eng. noun) a legally-binding partnership with another person, whether of the same sex or not.

The ConDems have ConFounded everyone by voting to allow two people of the same sex to marry one another. Don’t worry, there is no sign this development will happen in Scotland any time soon.

Two people can’t be in love if they are of the same sex, as any morally-correct person can tell you. Come back Mary Whitehouse – you were right all along! Same-sex couples for some reason wanted and now have the same legal and economic rights as straight people.

In the old days, if one partner in a same-sex union fell seriously ill, the other was left out of medical decisions, funeral decisions, and of course inheriting, even being thrown out of what was once their home in favour of the morally-superior heterosexual relatives of the deceased.

Still, if people will go against God and have a same-sex partnership, what do they expect. We know God is against gay unions, because in the bible it says ‘love one another’ and because there are lots of right wing people with guns and bibles who say they know what God wants. That’s good enough for me.

To recap – a socially-acceptable marriage is when a good looking woman (like a beauty queen for instance) marries a man with lots of money (like a newspaper editor). This is the only kind of marriage that really works.

But sadly, even for morally-upright, god-fearing conservative people, marriages don’t always end well….

Divorce: (Eng. verb) To dissolve a marriage partnership.

It is with tears in my eyes that I see the spectacle of Chris Huhne’s family woes unfold in the press. I could be wrong, but his wife seems just a little upset, and his son has hinted on social media that not all is well in this once happy home.

This humble politician, former cabinet member, and LibDem leading light, got into a teeny tiny bit of legal trouble, and this had a knock-on effect on his family. The poor man was caught by a speed camera, and most nobly, his lovely, loving wife agreed to sayit was she who was at the wheel, Chris thus avoiding a few more points on his license and avoiding scandal.

I wonder how the scandal-avoiding scheme is working out for him.

Vicky Pryce (who doesn’t seem to want to be known as the ex Mrs Huhne for some reason) has been charged with perverting the course of justice by taking the blame for the offence. Somehow, the idea of spending a few months in Holloway to protect her husband’s sterling reputation seems to have soured the love.

Reading between the lines, or more accurately reading between the tweets and posts, his son is not taking the dissolution of his parents’ marriage very well. Young Huhne has written to his dad:-

“I hate you, so f*** off”

“you are the most ghastly man I have ever known”

“don’t contact me again. You make me feel sick.”

Even the Great Donald has been divorced; if memory serves, his subsequent wives coincidentally tended to be younger and physically prettier than their predecessors. Everyone likes the sight of a perfect May to December couple; knowing they got together for spiritual and emotional reasons which have nothing to do with power, vanity, or greed.

It is only fair that a rich man should have a young and pretty woman on his arm, isn’t it? (Older rich women take note: society tells you ‘don’t even think about it.).

Even the seemingly innocent newlyweds Sarah and Damian had each been married before. I guess it is normal for two people thrown together by common interests to fall in love. Let’s hope they have now found lasting happiness; we do know that they work very well together indeed.

Sarah’s dad, councillor Tom Malone coincidentally shares her employer’s dislike of wind farms, having voted against all 6 applications which came in front of him. How very like-minded they all seem to be. I can practically feel a surge of warmth when I think of them all. Then again, I think it’s just that my checked flannel-lined shirt is too warm.

I’m just trying to remind myself of all the great reasons same-sex marriages shouldn’t be allowed and that heterosexual marriages like Mr & Mrs Huhne are the way to go. Once I make this list, I’ll get back to you. However, I wouldn’t hold your breath.

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Trump Vice President Weds Journals Ed – Joining The Dots

Aberdeen City, Aberdeenshire, Featured, News 44 Responses »

Feb 052013

In her series of articles on The Menie Estate and Donald Trump’s planned resort. Suzanne Kelly has documented part of the course being eroded by the North Sea. She has documented the draconian security activities on the site, and the construction of huge earth bunds blocking existing residents’ access to sea views and sunlight. She has also documented deteriorating road surfaces. Further articles will focus on key players in the Menie story, but a recent development has led her to write this supplementary article for Aberdeen Voice.

A wedding was solemnised this past weekend: Miss Sarah Malone married Mr Damian Bates. There are a few points which make this wedding of interest and importance to a wider circle than their family and friends.
Ms Malone was selected in the Evening Express’s beauty contest as the ‘face of Aberdeen’. That was in 2007. Mr Bates was editing the paper from 2006, having started there in 2003; he is now the editor of sister paper, The Press & Journal.

Ms Malone was plucked from the relative obscurity of the Gordon Highlanders’ museum by Donald Trump to serve as a Vice-President for his controversial golf development on Aberdeen’s coastal Menie Estate. She has no previous experience of real estate developments, or of golf.

It’s wonderful when two people meet and fall in love.

It is not quite so wonderful when there seems to be a whiff of bias in favour of an editor’s wife’s business interests.

For those who don’t know, the DC Thomson papers in Aberdeen, the Evening Express and the Press and Journal have given a huge amount of positive press to Donald Trump and the real estate development of which Sarah is in charge. When Trump or relatives flew in or out of Aberdeen, front pages were decked with positive stories and large photos. The paper has supported the development from the start.

In doing so, it printed not only positive, glowing Trump articles. It also vilified Aberdeenshire councillors who voted against the scheme, which went against existing planning guidelines and meant the destruction of a Site of Special Scientific Interest, the highest kind of environmental protection there is. Andy Wightman puts it best in his excellent report:-

“Perhaps the most notorious example of this was following the planning decision on 29 November 2009 to reject the planning application. The Evening Express published the pictures of all seven councillors who had voted against the application under the headline ‘You traitors’.

“The paper’s editorial, ‘Betrayed by stupidity of seven’, described the councillors as ‘small-minded numpties’, ‘misfits’, ‘buffoons in woolly jumpers’, ‘traitors to the North-east’ and ‘no-hopers’. …Furthermore, Aberdeen Journals have taken a conscious editorial decision to exclude critical voices from being heard in the Press and Journal and Evening Express.

“On 12 December 2009, the Press and Journal ran what it called an ‘Exclusive Report’ which alleged that the main critics of the development, a pressure group called Tripping Up Trump (TUT), consisted of many people with ‘tenuous or no connections with the Aberdeenshire coastline they claim to want to protect.’ Martin Glegg, one of the TUT campaigners, was alleged to be co-ordinating the campaign from Glasgow. And, in a bizarre interpretation of what makes a news story, the paper revealed that TUT’s legal adviser was based in Paisley. [Note – Trump’s lawyers are in Edinburgh, but that was not deemed newsworthy]

“The Press and Journal editorial then went on to make the remarkable announcement that it would no longer be reporting what TUT might care to say.”
http://www.andywightman.com/docs/trumpreport_v1a.pdf

Wightman’s report also covers the planning aspects, boundary disputes and how the residents were treated; it makes for excellent factual reading.

For reasons of journalistic integrity, some might find this pro-Trump editorial policy a touch unseemly.

There are some basic, albeit not legally binding principles of journalism which include accuracy, objectivity, truthfulness and the like. Can you be objective where your wife is concerned?

If a newspaper editor had been someone’s partner for months, perhaps years, and intended to form a marriage with their partner, would any financial gain their betrothed stood to make, such as having a highly-paid job on a multi-million pound project, also in effect be to the editor’s financial gain?

Bates, it should be added, is on the Press Complaints Commission’s Editors’ Code of Practice Committee.

Sarah and Damian Bates might have tied the knot legally, but many of the other players on the board are also interrelated. Here is a brief listing of how some of the players are coincidentally linked together.

Sarah Malone Bates – married Press & Journal editor Damian Bates February 2013

“[Resident David] Milne’s allegations of harassment are baseless and untrue … His views are not representative of the ‘community’ … The course opened this summer with phenomenal success and glowing international reviews. It has enhanced the area and the environment immeasurably, and brought thousands of visitors from around the world to the north-east.”
http://local.stv.tv/aberdeen/news/196354-trump-opponent-pressing-for-fresh-inquiry-into-golf-course-handling/

Donald Trump: “Sarah, I want to get rid of that house [David Milne’s home].”
Malone Bates replies: “It’s going to create a bit of a stir but if we’re up for it let’s do it.”
http://www.andywightman.com/docs/trumpreport_v1a.pdf

face of Aberdeen for Evening Express beauty contest;
rumoured to be dating Damian Bates, formerly of Evening Express, now Press & Journal editor;
recruited from her job at Gordon Highlanders’ museum to be a Vice-President for Trump despite having no knowledge of golf;
was on a panel for Visit Scotland, a quango, and partner of Scottish Enterprise.

Damian Bates – married Trump Int, Golf Links’ Executive Vice President Sarah Malone in February 2013

“This newspaper has given a voice to all those who have wished to become involved in the debate about Donald Trump’s plans. That courtesy was extended to Tripping Up Trump in the belief that it was a bona fide group of local environmentalists. Today, it has been withdrawn.” – Press and Journal 12 December 2009

“Newspapers like the Press and Journal….provide one of the few platforms for the little man to take on the big institutions”
http://www.kaimhill.net/?p=2729

Editor Press & Journal, formerly Evening Express editor;
his papers published only two articles on ‘You’ve Been Trumped’, both after the BBC screening, but nothing when it was first shown in Aberdeen nor when it won awards around the world;
the first of these articles, by David Ewen said that Anthony Baxter was not available for comment, when in fact he had spoken to the author on the same day the article came out. No subsequent correction was made in later editions;
the Press & Journal accepted a controversial full-page ad from Trump linking Salmond, windfarms, and Salmond’s attempt at recruiting Trump to support the release of convicted Lockerbie bomber, Al-Megrahi. Yet it rejected advertising, before any referendum was announced, by local group ‘Friends of Union Terrace Gardens’, for being ‘too political’;
David Ewen, who had reported that Baxter was not available for comment in his first article on the subject, has authored a book with a foreword by Trump. Entitled ‘Chasing Paradise: Donald Trump and the Battle for the World’s Greatest Golf Course’, the book was available for sale in the Press & Journal shops and advertised in the paper;

Donald Trump

“I do play with the bankruptcy laws — they’re very good for me” http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2011/04/24/the-trump-backlash.html

real estate developer with a past history including controversial developments,incomplete developments, litigation, and bankruptcy;
purchaser of Menie estate and developer of Trump International courses at Menie;
former alliance with Alex Salmond while the project was still in planning;
awarded an honorary degree from RobertGordonUniversity, amidst a high private security presence. RGU has Sir Ian Wood as its Chancellor.

Sir Ian Wood

“We are very pleased to honour you today in recognition of the significant contribution the Scottish Trump International golf resort will make to diversify the economy of the North East of Scotland.”
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-north-east-orkney-shetland-11493040

chancellor of RobertGordonUniversity, which saw fit to give Trump an honorary degree;
Former Chairman of Scottish Enterprise, board member of Scottish Enterprise;
Wood added Jennifer Craw, formerly of Scottish Enterprise, to the Wood Family Trust. Craw appeared in the Trump Organisation’s pro-development film in her Scottish Enterprise role, which also used the SE logo. SE never gave permission for this implied support for Trump and yet no formal complaint of this misuse seems to have been made. There will be more on this in a subsequent article.

Alex Salmond:

“I believe that the economic and social benefits for the North-east of Scotland substantially outweigh any environmental impact”
http://www.eveningexpress.co.uk/Article.aspx/919658

His government took the unprecedented step of calling in the Trump planning application;
Met with Trump representatives just before it was announced Scottish Government would have the final say on the billionaire’s plans for a golf resort;
Controversially wined and dined Trump on both sides of the Atlantic while the course controversy raged;
Asked Trump to back his government’s stance on Lockerbie bomber Al-Megrahi’s release;
Has a close relationship with Sir Ian Wood, rector of RobertGordonUniversity, and ex-Scottish Enterprise.

Image Credits:

The Ring © Andrei Mihalcea | Dreamstime.com
Marriage For Money © Vangelis | Dreamstime.com
A Pair Of Padlocks © Ragne Kabanova | Dreamstime.com

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Old Susannah No 109: Koots & Co.

Opinion, Satire and Humour 5 Responses »

Jan 242013

Voice’s Old Susannah takes a look over the past week’s events in the ‘Deen and beyond. By Suzanne Kelly.

Another busy week in Aberdeen passed in a flurry of activity, culminating in the excellent BrewDog party celebrating the new factory opening. Live band Little Kicks were great, and so were the BrewDog crew.
A team assigned to the outdoor barbeque were positively heroic; hundreds were fed delicious food irrespective of the raging snow. A good time was had by all.

In the news this week are several stories involving common sense. Firstly, the elegant, ladylike, cerebral polymath Helen Flanagan, celebrated Coronation Street actress and model, told the press she is unhappy at being thought of as being a brainless, big-breasted airhead.

She has illustrated her intelligence and sensitivity with acts such as posing with a gun to her head days after a US gun spree left dozens dead.

Also supporting the view of her as an intellectual, the article in which she claims to be a misunderstood genius is accompanied by a photo of her half-dressed. Brains, and talent, too.

Like most of us, I’ve been watching the ACSEF website with great anticipation for the the latest meeting minutes just as eagerly as I wait for the next episode of Coronation Street. I’m sure that when I last looked about a fortnight ago, there were only the June 2012 minutes out. But to my great joy and excitement, I see that the September AND October Minutes are out! Result!

These minutes, recently added to the hallowed ACSEF website, serve as a reminder to our elected officials to not step out of line. It is important they understand power structures and their place in the system.

ACSEF is, quite rightly, calling Barney Crocket to in effect ‘explain to the class’ how it will be possible to renew our city centre if we don’t turn our only green space into a concrete – sorry granite-clad concrete – web. He and Gordon McIntosh must do so at the December ACSEF board meeting.

Just to clarify, Barney is the leader of the duly-elected majority in local government, and ACSEF are quango hangers-on, some from self-promoting business backgrounds and others from yet more quangos, paid for by city and shire taxpayers. I guess Barney better learn his place. This is what the minutes said (but no doubt you’ll rush off to read them, too):

“Councillor Crockett… confirmed Aberdeen City Council’s alignment with the ACSEF Action Plan and vision [what is that?], but highlighted the need for the ACSEF Board to take account of the City Garden Project decision.

“The Board questioned how the desired outcome of regenerating and improving the attractiveness of the city centre, which the City Garden Project had sought to deliver, might be achieved without this and other key linked projects.

“The critical importance of anchoring the oil and gas supply chain in the area for the long term and role city centre regeneration could play to support this was stressed. It was suggested and agreed that a presentation and paper be provided to the December Board meeting outlining how the City Council planned to address the aim of city centre regeneration.”

I am very pleased our elected representative has to explain to ACSEF, including Stewart Milne, why Milne won’t be getting the web he relies on to make his beautiful glass box Triple Kirks offices a huge success (with parking). I might not be clever enough to be able to see how a granite web will anchor the oil business here (where it needs to be logistically anyway) – perhaps I should ask Helen Flanagan to explain?

Elsewhere the minutes show that ACSEF plans to dictate policy to the city and shire councils whether on housing or education. We can all sleep easily.

By the way, I’d actually love to stop writing about the web, or The Thing That Wouldn’t Die as it is more affectionately known.

Trouble is, the Press and Journal, and the other ugly sister, the Evening Express, won’t let me. They are going to try to print an article every other day forever on why the web will fix the problem of the changing face of retail. And all it will cost us is our Common Good land, fresh air, environment and our only city centre free recreation ground.

Yes, people around the world will stop going to visit Niagara Falls, the Taj Mahal and the Louvre and come instead to Aberdeen’s web, where they can shop in brand new, multinational shops. It is always a joy to see those acid-pastel coloured fantasy web sketches showing floating giant children over flowerbeds in a landscape free from any litter, graffiti or crime.

Makes my day. Keep running those beautiful photos and comments from leading businessmen, and I’ll keep praising them as they deserve. Today, it’s Mr Koot’s turn to be singled out for my admiration).

Multi-tasking: (modern English gerund) ability to competently do several things simultaneously.

You really have to hand it to Mr Koot, Taqa company’s supremo in Aberdeen. He’s found the time to tell the P&J this week how embarrassed he is by our city centre, and how the granite web is the answer to all our prayers. He told us this a few times now, but somehow it’s still newsworthy.

I conclude he must be a socio-economic whizz able to predict future marketing trends, concluding that internet retail is not the way to go, and shop-building is where it will be at. I am grateful, as we all are, for his relevant input into the web debate (even if some of us wish it would finally just go away).

He even generously wrote to his employees at the time of the referendum, telling them in a nice paternal way to vote for the web. Some people might equate getting an email telling them how to vote as taking serious liberties, coercion, intimidation, and using employment as a platform for propaganda.

I’m certain, however, he had nothing but the employee’s democratic rights and best interests at heart. This is what he wrote to staff in February before the vote:

“From a business point of view, this project is very important to economic and employment prospects in Aberdeen. It will help attract new energy industries and new companies to the City, and will provide a new city heart with significant garden, recreation and cultural amenities, with no additional cost to the Council Tax payer.”

Wow – you get something worth £140 million for free! Why didn’t we do that again? Not only does he have the time to analyse what’s wrong with Aberdeen and tell people who depend on him for their livelihoods how to vote, he successfully runs Taqa, the Abu Dhabi oil firm.

Why do promotional web articles keep appearing with giant photos in my Press and Journal?

I guess anyone can drop the ball. As you might have noted in the news, Taqa had a wee problem this week when hydrocarbons escaping from one of its platforms in the North Sea caused an evacuation and a shut-down of the North Sea Brent pipelines. This was rather large in the news from 13-15 January.

Still, this talented master of multi-tasking found time to run the oil firm and campaign strenuously for the granite web since at least 2010. In fact, less than one week after the financially disastrous Taqa North Sea incident, Koot still found time to get into the P&J to say how embarrassed he was by our city centre, and the web was the answer. I guess you have to decide where your priorities lie – a huge North Sea oil problem and its aftermath, or the web.

Taqa is sending Koot to Iraq.

Just one more thing: you could ask yourself: “Why do promotional web articles keep appearing with giant photos in my P&J?” Is there perhaps a public relations agency, toiling away with no thought of monetary reward but interested in getting a web built?

Is there a PR agency writing these releases getting paid from somewhere, perhaps the unelected group Vote for the City Gardens Project (aka Stewart Milne and mates)?

I personally hope we find out that ACSEF is paying for all this, using our taxpayer money where it will do the most good. Perhaps we should ask our elected officials to look into this? We could ask ACSEF, of course. I’m sure they’ll be happy to clarify.

Gross misconduct: (Eng. compound noun, legal) severe negligence in the course of one’s given duties.

We have seen in our area nurses struck off for drug offences, abusing patients, stealing, even having inappropriate relationships with psychiatric patients. Two stories of nurses were in this week’s local papers. One was a nurse who found a child wandering around, presumably after being left alone in a car.

Details are unclear; she should have called the police and stayed with the child it seems. She did, however, ensure the child’s safety.

Elsewhere, a convicted wife killer, suspected of also killing his first wife is fighting for his nursing license (should he ever get out of jail). Proven to be a mercenary, cold-blooded killer and pathological liar, he thinks he should be allowed to continue in the caring profession.

One of these has been struck off permanently; one will have some form of hearing from the Royal College of Nursing.

The Nursing body wants to remind everyone how seriously it takes striking a nurse off like it has done in this case, and told the press such action is never taken lightly. Can you guess which nurse’s career is over? That’s right, the murderer may remain, for now, a nurse; the other person has been struck off. Great system we’re running here.

Time for me to get back to the ACSEF website! More next week, perhaps a look at the serious mistake Glasgow’s made by rejecting designs for George Square. Have they ever considered the benefits of a granite web, I wonder?

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Ceetizen Journalism

Aberdeen City, Opinion No Responses »

Jan 182013

By Bob Smith.

If ye didna ken afore
Ye need tae read the A.V.
Tae ken fit’s really happ’nin
In the toon twixt Don an Dee

The P&J gies ye ae side
O a story there’s nae doot
Bit tae read anither side
A doot ye wull miss oot

The “EE” it is the same
Div fowk read it onymair?
The airt o democratic reportin?
They hiv fair lost the flair

Baith ower canny wi their print
A coordy custard approach detected
Ad. revenue they maan protect
Big business views aye reflected

Ceetizen journalism’s on the mairch
Wi the Aiberdeen Voice tae the fore
Maist o the mainstream media
Are noo classed as bein a bore

Times they hiv moved on
Fae the days o ink an quill
Bit some fowk in oor toon
Wull fecht fer democracy still

So tho yer nine or ninety
An fer truth ye div aspire
AV shud be yer readin
Ither local media are dire

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