Aug 082011
 

Fighting Wildlife Crime in Aberdeenshire is an on-going struggle.  Grampian Wildlife Crime Officers rely on the public to catch criminals as well as to hopefully prevent crime.  Andy Turner puts Aberdeen Voice readers in the picture.

3373.  No, these aren’t the latest winning lottery numbers, but it is the total land area of Grampian Police Force coverage in square miles.
This number can present a bit of a problem for Wildlife Crime Officers.

Divided equally among the 12 Wildlife Crime officers in Grampian, each officer would have a beat of around 281 square miles!

That’s an awful lot of ground to cover and can make for problems in terms of detection, investigation and enforcement of Wildlife Crime.

Wildlife Crime continues to blight Scotland’s outstanding natural heritage.  It can impact upon rare and iconic species, often involves cruelty to animals, can destroy specially protected habitats and interfere with legitimate countryside management and recreation.

In fact the term ‘Wildlife Crime’ covers a huge spectrum of criminal activity, and can occur in both the countryside and urban areas.

Wildlife Crime Officers in Grampian have dealt with cases of poaching (deer, fish and game) crimes against badgers, hare coursing, crimes against birds including: poisoning, trapping, shooting, disturbance, nest destruction and egg collecting, disturbance of marine mammals, crimes against bats, the taking/killing of Fresh Water Pearl Mussels, CITES offences in connection with the trade in endangered species, damage to protected sites and crimes against protected plants to name a few.

The huge diversity of wildlife crime calls for a diverse approach to tackle the problem.  To this end the Grampian Police are part of the Partnership for Action Against Wildlife Crime Scotland or PAWS.  PAWS has representation from police, government agencies such as Scottish Natural Heritage, conservation organisations like RSPB, land management sector and others with the common aim to stamp out wildlife crime through education, awareness raising and enforcement.

Like other crimes, Wildlife Crime is committed by a very small minority of people who either knowingly flaunt the law or commit crime through lack of awareness.

Wildlife crime can often be linked to other rural crime, and for this reasons suspects should never be approached by the public.

While the police keep records of each reported Wildlife Crime, it is hard to establish the true extent of Wildlife Crime that occurs in Grampian and Scotland as a whole.

This is due in the main to one of Scotland’s greatest commodities: its vast areas of countryside, countryside where crime is possibly going on undetected or unreported.

In July 2010 Grampian Police employed a Wildlife Crime Education Officer (WCEO), the first post of its kind in the UK.  The aim of the post is prevention of wildlife crime by raising awareness of the problem, education and encouraging improved reporting.  The WCEO will be working with land managers, conservation groups, outdoor access and sports groups, schools and universities for the duration of the 3 year post.

Around 530,000 live in the Grampian Force area.  The population in general is becoming more mobile, and access to the countryside for recreation is more readily available now than ever before, with pursuits such as mountain biking and hill walking on the increase.

While this access needs to be carefully managed, it does present an ideal opportunity to arm those using the countryside with the facts about wildlife crime and the impacts of crime on both wildlife and people. For those working in the countryside this means enabling them to work in an informed and importantly a safe and legal way.  For those accessing the countryside this means reporting any suspected wildlife crime incidents thereby making the Wildlife Crime Officers 281 mile beat a bit more manageable!

It is important to remember however that for reporting to be effective it must be genuine, timely, accurate and detailed.  If these four conditions are met there is scope for Wildlife Crime officers to focus efforts by responding to real incidents, and reduce time spent scouring the countryside following a poor lead or inaccurate information.

In Grampian Force area alone the Wildlife Crime Unit can receive over 50 calls per month, ranging from hare coursing at Elgin, dolphin disturbance at Aberdeen harbour to salmon poaching on Deeside.

Among the genuine reports are others which can relate to road kill, natural deaths or even miniature penguins at Aberdeen beach – which turned out to be young guillemots.

Legal countryside management practices can sometimes be misconstrued for illegal practices.  In extreme cases legal cage traps, spring traps and snares have been tripped or vandalised, and call birds released by people who misunderstand or disagree with their purpose.  Despite personal views people should never take the law into their own hands.

I do not want to discourage the public from picking up the phone to call the police – in fact it is quite the opposite – but try to have all the information at hand to help the police deal with the call in the best possible way.

By following this simple checklist (below) when reporting a wildlife crime, and hopefully through awareness rising, effective reporting and enforcement it might be possible to establish a true picture of wildlife crime, and to help stamp it out throughout Scotland.

Visit the Partnership for Action Against Wildlife Crime in Scotland (PAWS) for further information on wildlife crime.
www.scotland.gov.uk/Topics/Environment/Wildlife-Habitats/paw-scotland

If you suspect a wildlife crime is/has taken place:

DO:

  • Report any suspicious activity as soon as possible to your Force Service Centre and ask to speak to a Wildlife Crime Officer
  • Take a note of the date, time and weather conditions.
  • If possible, identify a map reference or ideally a GPS reading of both the incident scene and location from where you witnessed the incident.
  • Note a description of person/s involved including gender, age, height, clothing etc.
  • Write down any vehicle registration numbers, make, model, and colour that may be involved.
  • Identify other witnesses and obtain their name and contact details.
  • If possible, video or photograph the scene, or make a rough sketch.
  • Cover up any suspected poisoned baits or victims to prevent any animal / person coming into contact with them.
  • Do report. Even if you are not sure – report the incident. The evidence of wildlife crime is not always obvious. 

DO NOT:

  • Do not disturb the scene by moving items or walking about unnecessarily.
  • Do not touch dead animals or birds, especially if you suspect that poison may have been used. 
  • Do not interfere with legal countryside practices such as the legal use of traps and snares, hides, high seats and shooting butts.

NEVER:

  • Never approach suspects or intervene if you suspect someone is committing a wildlife crime – you may put yourself in danger.
Aug 032011
 

Anthony Baxter takes time out again from promoting his film to update Aberdeen Voice readers.  Don’t look for the story in the Press & Journal.
Don’t look for any updates in the Evening Express.  Except for STV, Northsound, and of course the Voice – as far as the local press is concerned,
IT NEVER HAPPENED Now read on…

Traverse City, Michigan, USA:

The Scottish-made documentary ‘You’ve Been Trumped’ scooped its second major film festival award in as many months after clinching the Special Jury Prize at Michael Moore’s prestigious Traverse City Film  Festival, which has just drawn to a close in Michigan, USA. Oscar-winning director Moore was present for the awards at the City’s famous State Theatre – a renovated classic cinema dating back to 1916.

“This is a huge honour and we’re delighted to accept this award,” said Anthony Baxter.

Producer Richard Phinney also attended the ceremony – the filmmakers were among a record 100 brought to Michigan with the help of a grant to the festival from the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences.

The festival was founded by Academy Award-winning Director Michael Moore, who runs the festival and serves as president of its board of directors.

Other board members are photographer John Robert Williams and New York Times best-selling author Doug Stanton, both Traverse City residents, and filmmakers Larry Charles (director, “Borat”), Terry George (director, “Hotel Rwanda”), Sabina Guzzanti (director, “Viva Zapatero!”), and Christine Lahti (actor, “Running on Empty”).

The 95-minute feature documentary You’ve Been Trumped tells the story of the American  tycoon Donald Trump building a golf course resort on one of Scotland’s last wilderness areas north of Aberdeen.

Branded ‘a failure’ by the Trump Organisation, You’ve Been Trumped proved to be a sell-out hit at its World Premiere at Hot Docs in Toronto in May (despite claims from Creative Scotland that ‘nobody would watch it’).

The film has since played to packed cinemas through special preview screenings in major cities across Scotland in association with Take One Action and also as part of the acclaimed Stranger than Fiction series at New York’s IFC Center.  Further screenings are on the way (see last week’s Voice for listings).

Taking to the stage in Traverse City with fellow filmmaker Phinney to receive the award, Baxter thanked the hundreds of crowd-funders who had supported the film.

 “We were refused all funding to make You’ve Been Trumped and so I’d like to say a special thank you to the hundreds of people from around the world who enabled us to finish the film with donations from twenty countries.”

A tribute was also paid to Michael Moore for inviting the film to the festival along with dozens of other world-class award-winning documentaries – as well as to the 1300 volunteers who made the seventh outing for the Traverse City Film Fest was the biggest yet.

Other Traverse City Film Festival documentary winners included HBO hit Hot Coffee (The Documentary Everyone in America Should See Award) whilst Best Activism in a  Foreign Documentary went to BBC Storyville‘s Give Up Tomorrow. 

In the fiction category, award winners included Chris Morris’ Four Lions starring Steve Coogan (Best Screenplay in a Foreign Narrative Film) and the Academy Award nominated Incendies (Best World Narrative Film).

Nearly 130,000 people flocked to watch ‘Just Great Movies’ across the six-day Traverse City Film Festival where George Lucas gave special permission for crowd-puller Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back to be screened in the open air for the very first time in front of thousands of film fans from around the world.

The Special Jury Prize for You’ve Been Trumped comes just a month after the film won Britain’s top environmental prize for documentaries with the Green Award at the Sheffield International Documentary Festival (Sheffield Doc/Fest).  Then, the international jury lauded the film for:

“exposing one of the worst environmental crimes in recent UK history.”

(No word yet as to whether the Press & Journal or its sister paper have discovered the existence of ‘you’ve been trumped.’)

The Traverse City Film Festival is a charitable, educational, non-profit organisation committed to showing “Just Great Movies” and helping to save one of America’s few indigenous art forms – the cinema.  The festival brings films and filmmakers from around the world to northern Michigan for the annual film festival in late July. It was instrumental in renovating a shuttered historical downtown movie house, the State Theatre, which it continues to own and operate as a year-round,
community-based, mission-driven and volunteer-staffed art house movie theater.  A full list of award winners can be seen here.

You’ve Been Trumped will now receive a special London preview at the Frontline Club (12 August) and will be screening for a week at the DCA Dundee later this month (19-25 August) before going on to the Sidewalk Moving Picture Festival in Birmingham, Alabama (26-27)
August.  The film will also headline the Edindocs film festival (16th September) and a screening is being planned for the Scottish Parliament.

Jul 292011
 

A month ago Anthony Baxter and Richard Phinney attended the sold-out Aberdeen premier of their documentary ‘You’ve Been Trumped’ at Aberdeen’s Belmont Cinema.  If you don’t know, the film follows one year of (dramatic) events at the Menie Estate as Trump and his people change this part of Aberdeenshire forever.  What has Anthony been doing since those first Aberdeen screenings?  Aberdeen Voice’s Suzanne Kelly catches up with Baxter as ‘You’ve Been Trumped’ captures world-wide interest.

Anthony Baxter is in Trump’s hometown, New York City, where the documentary met great acclaim when it was screened earlier this month. A cursory web search for ‘You’ve Been Trumped’ comes up with an astounding 6 million plus results. Since those first UK showings, Baxter has been interviewed and quoted very widely; the film is being lined up for further screenings, and it is receiving the critical acclaim it deserves.

“I’m currently in New York – heading to Michigan tomorrow to Michael Moore’s festival which sounds great.  We’ve got excellent slots for the screenings”. Baxter advises.

 Michael Moore is one of the world’s greatest contemporary documentary film-makers.  Oscar-winner Moore’s successes include the documentary classic ‘Bowling for Columbine’ (a look at America’s deadly love affair with handguns) and ‘Fahrenheit 9/11.
For further info, blogs, book and film information, click here

Michael Moore chose ‘You’ve Been Trumped’ to feature at his festival this year; this selection is high praise indeed.  Moore is no stranger to controversy, and no stranger to Donald Trump.

Trump once labelled Moore with one of the worst labels a Conservative America can use: Trump called Moore ‘A Communist’. (Sources say Moore is holding up well despite this crushing slur).

Baxter is increasingly in demand, yet he and Phinney seem to be handling all of their international press, travel and booking arrangements themselves.  (By way of comparison, American CBS television flew several hundred of its staff to London to cover the Royal wedding, some coming several weeks in advance).  Baxter just keeps going forward:-

“I’ve done a guest column for TGO magazine and also an online interview with the European Documentary network which should be going online soon”.

Anthony advises that the film has undergone a small change. At one point ‘The Golf Channel’ was threatening him with legal action for using a clip of theirs (which Baxter fully credited of course).  Baxter and his legal team held fast.  As to the changes he did make:-

“Whilst here in New York I’ve done a new master of the film – we’ve basically made a couple of minor adjustments – one of which is adding the incident where David Milne is charged for a new boundary fence.   I’ve also been meeting with potential distributors and publicists as we attempt to get the ball rolling for distribution later this year.

“Also – you’ll probably have seen we’re screening the film at the Sidewalk Moving Picture Festival in Alabama which is good news.   But it’s clear we’ll need to get some further finance together to get the ball rolling on publicity”.

Funding for getting  ‘You’ve Been Trumped’ shown around the world was not raised from a far-sighted Scottish Arts board, but in part from ‘crowd funding’
See indiegogo for details here: Take-You’ve-Been-Trumped-To-Trump.
If you want to help ‘You’ve Been Trumped’ continue its ever-growing, world-wide tour, watch indiegogo and Facebook for further details and any upcoming announcements.
See: Youve-Been-Trumped-On-Facebook

Anthony is getting the film as wide a screening as possible before a probable, eventual DVD release.

There is good news for people who missed the film first-time around – here is an update on forthcoming screenings:

  • 26-31st July, Michael Moore’s Traverse City Film Festival official selection (Richard and Anthony in attendance)
  • 12th August,Preview Screening + Q&A, Frontline Club, London (Anthony in attendance)
  • 19-25th August,Screening at the DCA, Dundee (Q&A event on Friday 19 August Anthony in attendance)
  • 26-28th August, Sidewalk Moving Picture Festival, Birmingham, Alabama, USA, official selection (Anthony in attendance)
  • 11th September, 3pm, BFI, South Bank – London Premiere +Q&A (Anthony in attendance)
  • 14th September,Scottish Parliament screening, Edinburgh + Q&A (TBC)
  • 16th September,opening night headline film of the Edindocs Film Festival, Edinburgh + Q&A (Anthony in attendance)

Pencilled in but unconfirmed:

  • 30th September/1st October,Eden Court Inverness + Q&A
  • 2nd October-8th October,Filmhouse, Edinburgh
  • 13-17th October,Hamptons International Film Festival official selection, New York, USA (Richard and Anthony in attendance)
  • 27th October, Discovery Youth Film Festival, Dundee (Anthony in attendance)
  • 1 week in October, pencilled in at the Aberdeen Belmont Picturehouse but unconfirmed.

Updates will be posted in due course on Facebook (just search on ‘You’ve Been Trumped’ ) and most definitely on Aberdeen Voice.

The usually litigious Donald has been rather quiet of late.  Perhaps he will wind up being trumped  himself?  Time will tell.

Jul 202011
 

 By Gordon Casely.

Where will you be in July? I hope to be at the Harlaw Monument on Sunday, 24 July 2011, to recall the 600th anniversary of one of Scotland’s more important encounters.
Essentially the battle was a contest between a Macdonald and a Stewart over an earldom far away from each. The day-long battle was fought two miles west of Inverurie, somewhere north-west from the monument. Yet the way in which Harlaw altered Scotland’s cultural imprint is recognisable to this day.

As a battle however, Harlaw was indecisive. Both sides fought each other to a standstill, bloody and unbowed, and each claimed victory. But under cover of darkness on that warm July evening six centuries ago, both sides retreated.

“Reid Harlaw” and “the sair field o Harlaw” are thoroughly represented in ballad, song, story and legend. Good modern accounts are contained in such books as Peter Marren’s Grampian Battlefields and Raymond Campbell Paterson’s The Lords of the Isles. Lt-General Sir Peter Graham, one-time CO of the Gordons and latterly GOC Scotland, gives a splendid presentation from a military standpoint, describing the forces and the terrain, measuring their qualities, and relating how the command structures might have operated.

The impression Sir Peter conveys is of a hand-to-hand battle that became increasingly desperate as the day wore, on, each side becoming more and more tired, each increasingly weary army hurling bodies at the other, looking for the tiniest advantage to turn the tide. Finally, with one final heave, the forces of one caused the other to step back. But the apparent victors no longer possessed the strength either to deliver the killer blow, or to undertake wholesale pursuit.

The prize of the earldom of Ross created the battle, and in the struggle over power and land, Donald, Lord of the Isles and Alexander Stewart, Earl of Mar, emerged as champions of each side. Whoever controlled Ross, territory stretching from Inverness to Skye, controlled northern Scotland, and held a considerable key in manipulating the rest of Scotland down to the Tay.

On one side was Alexander Stewart, thuggish son of the highly unpleasant Wolf of Badenoch, who gained the earldom of Mar through the murder of the incumbent earl, then forcibly marrying his widow. On the other was Donald, 2nd Lord of the Isles, head of what was a maritime kingdom almost in its own right, and whose forces had by now entered the lands of Ross.

If the intended conquest of Ross was to be made secure, then Donald would have to take out Mar’s forces by a pre-emptive strike. Thus did Harlaw occur.

Ensuing centuries create a David-and-Goliath picture – the chivalrous Stewart, noble Earl of Mar, against the wicked Donald of the Isles. Mar is aided only by minor levies from Aberdeenshire, the Mearns and Angus plus gallant burghers of Aberdeen under Provost Robert Davidson, while the scheming Donald heads 10,000 rapacious caterans. A spin-doctoral touch ensures that the event goes down in history as Highlander versus Lowlander.

the actuality is that he headed some three dozen merchants anxious to protect their business investments.

A glance at the cultural composition of the armies indicates that beyond a small professional core in each, both sides were made up of loons and callants whose commitment to campaign did not extend beyond getting the harvest in. The actual battle possessed neither subtlety nor tactics, with military strategy such as it was confined to a series of heroic encounters.

If the event was portrayed as “Highlander against Lowlander”, then it was mis-cast in the same way as the Jacobite Risings are. There were folk of each persuasion on each side. Mar’s army would have contained a plethora of Gaelic speakers, while the educated in Donald’s forces would have spoken the same languages as Mar’s chief officers.

Among the casualties were Hector Maclean of Duart, Sir Alexander Irvine of Drum and Provost Davidson of Aberdeen. Davidson’s name is the product of more legend. Legend has it that he rode out from Aberdeen heading “a citizen army”; the actuality is that he headed some three dozen merchants anxious to protect their business investments.

The inscription carved by the architect Dr William Kelly on the Harlaw monument refers to “…Davidson and the [36] Burgesses of Aberdeen who fell [at Harlaw]….”. In the great hall of Trinity Hall in Aberdeen are displayed the remains of two banners said to have been carried by members of the Weavers at Harlaw, along with the provost’s sword.

Under his direction, a relic of Harlaw survives to this day

Yet it’s worth asking the question: what would have happened if the pyrrhic victory of the Lord of the Isles had been transformed into actual conquest? What would have been achieved by Highlanders rampaging south from Aberdeen to the Tay? How much of today’s lost Celtic culture would have been restored? And how?

Any answer would have depended on Donald’s Highlanders and Islesmen becoming true regular soldiers, enforcing a conquest, using their talents as an army of occupation to rebuild the countryside in the mould they envisaged, and where Gaelic displaced Scots as the lingua franca. Compare the picture as occurred under the Allies in post-war Europe, and where history has been written by the victors.

Instead, the withdrawal of Donald’s influence in central and eastern Scotland began the gnawing at the strength of the Lordship of the Isles and the natural authority exerted through the clan system. Slowly the wane of each began. The Lordship of the Isles was forfeited in 1493, with the title surviving to be borne by the eldest son of the monarch, as Prince Charles holds now. In Harlaw began the inexorable downfall of the clan system that was dealt a mortal blow at Culloden three centuries later.

Meanwhile, post-Harlaw Aberdeen reacted swiftly to prevent the city ever being threatened again. In 1412, the safekeeping of the town was placed in the hands of……Alexander Stewart, Earl of Mar, who for the next 23 years became Captain and Governor of Aberdeen. Under his direction, a relic of Harlaw survives to this day, for his magistrates quartered the city into municipal wards. From these first four divisions came the electoral wards of today. Harlaw today lives on in balladry, pipe tunes, street names, a school, a room in Aberdeen Town House and as the monicker of a council works depot.

his body was borne back to Aberdeen to be given an hon­oured burial in the Kirk of St Nicholas.

Harlaw changed for ever the cultural and linguistic face of Scotland. It showed that the power of the Lordship of the Isles was no longer invincible; it proved the start of the end for the clan system; and it gave impetus for the Scots and English languages to prosper at the expense of Gaelic.

 

Who was Robert Davidson?

 

Robert Davidson has become something of a cult figure down the years, the only civic head of Aberdeen ever to lead the citizenry into battle, and who six centuries after his death is still revered as a hero.

Yet what do we really know of him? Flora Davidson and Nick Hide, researchers to Clan Davidson, state firmly that he was “a wealthy merchant, an innkeeper, wine importer, customs inspector, provost and pirate”, going on to point out that after the dreadful confrontation, his body was borne back to Aberdeen to be given an honoured burial in the Kirk of St Nicholas.

But there remain puzzles about Davidson the man. His colourful career carries respectability as a merchant, but hardly to the level where he would merit a knighthood. Yet on the ceiling of the St Nicholas Room in the Town House of Aberdeen, he is portrayed as “Sir R Davidson”, with a coat-of-arms best described as putative rather than actually belonging to him.

Equally, there is dubiety whether he was provost at the time of Harlaw. According to data of Clan Davidson, he was provost in 1408.

So where is proof of Davidson’s greatness? My guess is that the answer lies in two points: the first is that he was interred in the Mither Kirk, a resting place reserved only for our most revered citizens. The second is that folk memory, a powerful tool in history, maintains a legend that would be very difficult to disprove.

The bottom line is: why would we want to disprove it anyway? What a magnificent story to relate down the centuries – how a hero provost placed himself at the head of an armed contingent and gave his life in defence of the town he led and loved. Here is a role model readied to be copied by anyone today.

Contributed by Gordon Casely.

 

Jul 152011
 

New Arc’s Keith Marley talks to the Aberdeen Voice about New Arc’s activities and ways the public can get involved.

While some of Aberdeen’s great and good are spending their time and our money getting their portraits painted and throwing parties to celebrate the great occasion, the entire spectrum of people and animal charities are suffering cuts, and it will get worse.
There is no time like now to get involved with a charity of your choice, and The North East Wildlife & Animal Rescue Centre, better known as The New Arc would like your help.

The Northeast of Scotland has an abundance of wildlife and domesticated animals – but very few resources to cope with abused, injured and/or abandoned animals.  Willows in New Pitsligo is one, and the New Arc in Ellon is another.

Keith Marley from New Arc attended the Tullos Hill picnic in June arranged by Fred Wilkinson of Aberdeen Voice.  He entertained many of us with tales of rescued animals of all kinds.  He had once been called to a council flat – only to find it overrun with dogs, rabbits, cats, a parrot and the animal to be taken into care:  a very large pig.  He had to smuggle it out in a blanket to try and avoid embarrassment for its former owners; it was squealing, and kids on the crowded street asked what it was, and he said it was a sick dog.

Unfortunately not many of his stories are amusing.  People who are feeling the economic pinch are abandoning animals – some most cruelly.  A recent news story was that of a cat left in a locked box on the side of the road.  It would have surely been killed or starved to death in its small cage if not for a very eagle-eyed and caring passer-by.   The people who did this are still being sought by the Scottish SPCA.  Just as a reminder – animal cruelty and abandonment are completely illegal (as well as unacceptable to any thinking person)

Animal abandonments are increasing; the cost of driving out to rescue animals has risen with the cost of fuel, and the cost of feeding the hungry mouths at New Arc has risen as well.  Animal charities are in a lose/lose situation at the moment.

Keith would love volunteers to contact The New Arc; he would also love donations.  And ideally, he
would like people to get involved with fundraising:-

“We are asking for volunteers to form a fund raising group – Friends of The New Arc. FONA Ideally
we would like 2 groups, one based in Aberdeen and one covering the rural areas.

“The responsibilities of the fund raising groups will be to raise awareness of the work we do here
and generate fundraising ideas and assist in the coordination, management and implementation of those ideas into reality.

“If you feel this is something you could assist with either by sitting on the committee or by
volunteering your time to assist in carrying out the activities then please contact us by phone on 0796 2253867 or by e-mail at thenewarc1@aol.com

The New Arc will not destroy healthy animals; it seeks to rehome animals where possible or return to the wild as appropriate.  They are, unfortunately unable to take dogs, and at the moment cannot take any more cats.  They have a good number of animals which need homes, so if you can offer a suitable home to one, please do get in touch.

There are many animals which need to stay at the shelter for the rest of their lives – these animals desperately need sponsors.  New Arc also features a lost/found pet section on their website.  The website also offers useful tips as to how to assess and react to an animal in the wild.

There is no government funding – New Arc runs on volunteers and donations:  all monies donated go directly on maintaining the sanctuary and caring for the animals.  Here is a video of New Arc in action:-

Most young wild animals will have a parent or parents somewhere nearby; it is almost always best to leave a young wild animal alone – if you touch it, the odds are the parents will abandon it.  What might seem like an injured or abandoned wild animal to you or me may just be a fledgling.

If you do encounter an injured animal, there is also good guidance on what to do.  The New Arc seem to take calls ‘round the clock; I once needed Keith’s help and despite having a hospital appointment on the same day, he showed up to assess the problem I reported as soon as he could.

Please do visit the website at:  http://www.thenewarc.org/  and if you can help the New Arc, then please get in touch.

 

Jul 152011
 

Charlie Mingin, the Auchnaclatt Bugle’s ‘Weel-Chilled Chiel’ columnist, guests for Voice this week, giving the bebop lowdown for hep cats and byre tabbies, doffing his hiply-angled Panama in the direction of The Fast Show’s Louis Balfour. Fingerprints on Cattle Cake’s ‘bone believed to be those of George Anderson….

Jock Kerouac and the Beet Generation on the road again after sell out concert in Daviot

Within twenty minutes of going on sale, both tickets for Coos in the Park had been snapped up amid fears that a surge in demand might crash Ticketmaster’s system.

I was one of the lucky ones. The minute the ticket tumbled through my letterbox, a vibe in these old jazzman bones of mine told me that something crazy was about to go down in Daviot.

And was I right, Daddy-O?

The concert in The Byre, the north east’s premier teuchter-jazz club demonstrated that Jock Kerouac and The Beet Generation were right back on top where they belonged. On the night, their fusion of bothy ballads and sixties jazz really razzed my berries.

Yes, there were mistakes. Somewhere approaching the middle eight of the opening number, Lousin Time, and half way through his third reefer of the night, Jock realised that the double bass he thought he’d been playing for the last half hour was actually still in the tipper truck that ca’d neeps during the day and transported the band to gigs in the evening. Undaunted, he rattled off the piece’s twenty minute double bass solo on his galuses. Beat that for improvisation.

I’ve been a fan of The Beet Generation since I first saw them perform at Gamrie’s Clockin Hen nightclub in 1987. Granted, nobody asked them to play but they managed to knock off their own rewrite of a Billy Joel classic, In the Midden of the Night before the bouncers got Jock in a headlock, huckled him head first out through the fire exit and into the car park where they pinned him down until the police arrived.

The band’s line up hasn’t changed since the Gamrie gig:

Jock Kerouac on double bass
Ronnie ‘The Rooser’ Roberts on Stylophone
‘Cattle Cake’ Collins on slide trombone
‘Sheep Dip’ Danny Dawkins on trumpet, electric bongos and steam harpsichord.

The first set was an intoxicating blend of old and new material, kicking off with three of my favourites: Lousin Time; Let’s Get Yokit! and Fa Cut Yer Hair an Cried Ye Baldy?

The lads ended the set with the title track from their latest album, We’re Aa Up the Wrang Dreel Noo.

Haste ye back, Jock, we can hardly wait for your next concert.

At the risk of rekindling the trad-bebop wars of the early sixties, Sid Rawlins, music critic of the Crovie Chronicle has given Voice an alternative view.

Bad Tunes A Go-Go as Kerouac’s Beet Generation Bomb at the Byre

Hepcat Harrison and the Kittlins were treated for shock at Turriff hospital last night following the murder of their teuchter-jazz classic, Let’s Get Yoakit! at the hands of jazz fraudsters Jock Kerouac and the woefully unmusical Beet Generation who somehow managed to make this classic track sound like a badly-tuned piano falling down a spiral staircase.

The scene of the crime: The Byre Club, Daviot.
Time of death, 7:30 pm Formartine time (GMT minus seventy years).

Bad jazz stands out like a toonser wearing nicky tams. And make no bones about it, this was jazz at its worst. The evening was not helped by the fact that Cattle-Cake Collins stopped mid-honk during Lousin Time to spray WD40 on his trombone slide.

I sort of liked the Beet Generation’s new project, We’re Aa Up the Wrang Dreel Noo. Yet overall, a lacklustre performance by over-rated musicians.

As Ray Charles would have said had he hailed from Kemnay, ‘Hit the road Jock, and dinna come back ony mair.’

Image credits:  
Trombone © Chris Johnson Dreamstime.com,
Double Bass Scroll © William Davis | Dreamstime.com 

Jul 052011
 

 By George Anderson.

Peely-wally men – myself included – wouldn’t say boo to a Graylag goose unless through a megaphone from an adjacent county.

We compensate for our cowardice by fantasizing that we graduated from the Academy of Hard Knocks with a degree in machismo, alongside Charles Bronson and ‘Machete’ Mick Fobister (D-wing, Peterhead prison).

Nowhere does the peely-wally gene (PW-36) more readily find expression than through the language of challenge. In his efforts to make sure he will never have to carry out the threats he makes your off the shelf coordy-custard is capable of bending the English language like Uri Geller bends soup ladles.

Just how do the fearty-panted use their mither tongue to talk the talk without ever having to walk the walk?

A really good example is the classic exchange between Ronnie Sangster and Bob Stoat.  An event which overnight catapulted Ronnie into the Animal Liberation Front’s Hall of Fame alongside such greats as Cattle-Poop Perkins, the inventor of free range mince.

I can vouch for the authenticity of this story because I was there the night it happened. I was feeding the East Neuk’s one armed bandit with the last of the pound coins from my grandson’s university-fund bankie (Well, now that the fees have gone through the rafters, he’ll just have to get a job in the ASDA bakery until he can pay for his own education).

At a table near the gents Ronnie Sangster hung over his Zimmer frame like a wet duffel coat.  I would have judged him dead if it wasn’t for the snoring.

He had been having it large in the Brown Ale stakes for at least the three hours it took me to squander little Tommy’s inheritance trying to get three melons to fall in a straight line. As the wee lad’s last shekel rattled into the bandit’s coin box Bob Stoat staggered backwards into the bar dragging Murdo, an ancient three-legged whippet with a coat as manky as a soup kitchen doormat.

Now this was a threat, wasn’t it? It certainly sounded like it

It seemed to me that Stoatie’s best friend should long since have boarded the Marrowbone Express to Doggie Heaven. Judging by what happened next, Ronnie Sangster violently agreed.

Re-animated by forces beyond our ken, Ronnie clambered to his feet in installments. Eventually, blue with rage and emphysema in equal measure he stood gripping the bars of his Zimmer frame, glowering at Stoatie like a Hellfire preacher beholding a sodomite.

Once he’d squeezed enough oxygen back into his lungs to do so he spake forth:

“Consider yersel lucky you’re nae chinned,” he said.

This sounded like a threat but was in fact an assurance to the victim that not a finger would be laid upon him. Some threat. But Ronnie had not yet finished.

“But If you ivver come in here wi a dog like that again, you’re deid,'” he said.

Now this was a threat, wasn’t it? It certainly sounded like it. It had a condition – Bob’s return – and a consequence – Bob’s funeral. But closer scrutiny revealed that an unaddressed envelope bearing no postage stamp, mis-filed in the basement of an abandoned Royal Mail depot had more chance of being delivered than Ronnie’s threat.

The promised ‘chinning’ would require Bob Stoat to return to the East Neuk, not with Murdo, but with a dog like Murdo. There was more chance of Ronnie Sangster buying a round of drinks.

All that hot air. And not a single black eye to show for it.

Let us finish with a more commonplace example of how we big ourselves up whilst speaking with forked tongue. You’ll recognise this. A brass necked flatmate points out over breakfast that your oxters are yodelling and insists that you buy an industrial strength roll-on deodorant.

Later, you tell this tale to a friend, who says:

“If he’d said that to me I would have cleaved him in twain with a claymore before he got the top off his boiled egg.”

This type of hindsight-powered swagger is usually delivered from a high horse in a sneering tone, implying that the story teller is as limp wristed as an effeminate volleyball player.

There is a subtle distinction between both examples.

In Sangster/Stoat there is an itsy bitsy teeny weeny mathematical chance that Bob Stoat might rescue another three legged whippet from the cat and dog home and be stupid enough to return to Ronnie Sangster’s local. In the boiled egg example however, the swaggerer can be absolutely certain that he will never be required to swing a claymore in earnest since this would necessitate travelling back in time to a place he had never been, to cleave in twain someone he’d never met.

The moral of this tale is simple: stay away from geese, three legged whippets, one armed bandits, and above all, Ronnie Sangster.

Image credit: © Fred Goldstein | Dreamstime.com

 

Jul 012011
 

George Anderson continues his masterclass series in Doric,  offering an appreciation not only of the spoken language, but also the wealth of meaning between the economically delivered lines – and a breath of fresh air.

Background

When Aberdeen Voice’s editorial team asked me to conduct a series of Doric Master Classes I jumped at the chance. The language lab above my garage in Auchnaclatt can be stifling in summer. Besides, I was fed up teaching American tourists how to order breakfast (Kin I hae a bug o rowies and a slack handfae o yer floory baps please?) But first things first I told them. Students of Doric must learn to breathe correctly. So that’s where we’ll begin.

Breathing

… is vital for survival. Stop doing it long enough and your tatties will soon be ower the side.

The ancient Tai Chi masters knew this (about the breathing that is; not the tatties). They were taught from the temple crèche to breathe in through their ears and out through the soles of their feet. Though this practice was discontinued in the seventeenth century after complaints from monks about condensation in their gym shoes.

Good breathing is no less essential when learning to speak Doric properly.

Breathing Exercise

This exercise has been designed to allow students to experience for themselves the correct way to breathe during conversation. Throughout the exercise do bear in mind the two fundamentals of Doric breathing: when listening, only breathe in; when speaking, only breathe out.

Students should work in pairs and have a paramedic on standby.

Instructions

One person plays the speaker. The other takes the role of listener.

Speaker:

Start reciting the words to the ‘The Mucking of Geordie’s Byre.’ These must be spoken in Doric, at about twice the speed of an hysterical auctioneer on his third line of coke.

Listener:

Just as the speaker begins, draw a gaspette of air in through the mouth while saying the word,  ‘Aye’. Repeat this for as long as the speaker is speaking. Take care not to breathe out.

If you feel light-headed or confused, if you experience vertigo or the feeling that your lungs might at any moment explode, call your GP immediately – and tell him you have just mastered the art of Doric inhalation.

It has been clinically proven (67% of 285 breathers agreed) that your lungs will now contain levels of carbon dioxide similar to those recorded at the bottom of a colliery lift shaft.

Aim to reach this point at the precise moment when the speaker stops talking. Some feel nauseous at this point. If you are one of them, it helps to ground yourself by holding on to something  — a telegraph pole, tree or a Ford Mondeo usually hit the spot.

Whatever you do, don’t faint; it will shortly be your turn to speak.

But you can think only of filling your burning lungs with oxygen in vast, life sustaining quantities. To do this you will first have to expel all of the noxious gases your lungs contain.  And here we have a dilemma. Your conversational partner may believe that you are having a hairy fit. Worse; they may believe that you are feigning a hairy fit because you can’t bring yourself to share their concern for the cleansing of George’s cowshed. What to do?

Well, the answer is to use the blast of carbon dioxide your body will at any moment force from your chest (with or without your permission) as the carrier for your reply.

Speaker:

Stop speaking. It is your turn to say ‘Aye’ while only breathing in. Get to it.

Listener:

(now adopting the speaking role): Recite the chorus to the Barnyards o Delgatie (reproduced below), out loud and real
fast (if you can distinguish one word from the next you are not speaking fast enough). Aim for 0.8 seconds from start to finish.

Luntin addie, turin addie,
Luntin addie turin ae
Luntin lowrin’ lowrin’ lowrin’,
The barnyards o’Delgaty!

Next lesson:

Now that we have covered the mechanics of breathing the subject of our next masterclass will be ‘Doric and the beatnik culture’.

Image credit:  © Max Blain | Dreamstime.com

Jul 012011
 

By Bob Smith.

Hiv ye heard o the fairy tale
Fit’s telt bi oor local press
Faa boast they report aa local news?
A richt fable ye maun confess

An award winnin film ‘You’ve Been Trumped’
Ti a full picter hoose it played
Nivver a wird in the P&J
Nae EE heidlines iss made

Noo it wis the Scottish premier
O the story aboot fowk at Menie
Ye wid hae thocht iss warranted
A scrawl fae a journalist’s penie

Can ye tell fact fae fiction
Fan oor local press div print?
Stories aboot gyaan’s on at Menie
Ah’m feart the truth gits tint

Noo Trump flees in on private jet
Aa ower their front page it’s splashed
Yet aboot harassment o the Menie fowk
They’re nae aat bliddy fashed

Maybe o coorse oor local press
Ti print some stories they’re nae able
Jist in case they fin theirsels
Banished fae Trump’s tap table.

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2011

 

Jun 302011
 

The Belmont Cinema has held ‘you’ve been trumped’ over for two more weeks due to popular demand writes Voice’s Suzanne Kelly.

Three more screenings have been scheduled over the coming weekend to cater for the sustained public interest in the film.
I attended it again last Sunday; Director Anthony Baxter was present and held another Q&A session after the film.  This session overran with many people staying behind in the bar to discuss the issues with him.

Long-term Menie resident Susan Munro was also present, and answered several questions.  Since filming, Ms Munro’s garden and car have been affected by a huge mound of sand which the construction engineers left very close to her property.

This will be the second consecutive weekend that the Belmont Picturehouse has added screenings of ‘You’ve Been Trumped’ to their schedule since it’s City premiere on June 17. Such has been the demand.

Belmont Cinema Assistant Manager Kenny says:

“We do screen quite a few documentaries, but interest for this film has been overwhelming.  We are very happy to have been able to add more screenings.”

In the current issue of Aberdeen Voice, you can read my review of Anthony Baxter’s award winning film.
See: youve-been-trumped-suzanne-kelly-reviews/

Since writing this review, major newspapers The Guardian and The Daily Mail have expressed interest in the Trump development.  They report Donald Trump has expressed concerns that ‘the world has changed’ since he bought land at Menie and has asked ‘where’s the market?’

The additional screenings will be held

Friday 1 July, 6.30pm
Saturday 2 July, 1.45pm
Sunday 3 July, 6.30pm

Anthony Baxter is on his way to the New York screening of ‘you’ve been trumped’; the funding he needed is coming from the public.  If you would like to support ‘you’ve been trumped’, then please visit:

You’ve Been Trumped’s crowd-funding campaign and trailer:
http://www.indiegogo.com/TAKE-YOUVE-BEEN-TRUMPED-TO-TRUMP

Additional information on the film can be found here:
www.youvebeentrumped.com
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Youve-Been-Trumped/187472834621346