QUANGO Archives - Aberdeen Voice

02.03.12 – A Black Day For Aberdeen

Aberdeen City, Articles, Community, Featured, History, Information, Opinion No Responses »

Mar 092012

The black calendar of Aberdeen’s civic history has a new entry: 2nd March 2012, the day that its citizens, evident sufferers of apathy and myopia, handed both its natural heritage and its economic future to a cabal of businessmen. Arthur Taylor writes.

The fight to retain and improve Union Terrace Gardens hit the buffers on that day when the public – or rather 27.5% of them – voted to support the plans to destroy this unique piece of the city’s heritage and replace it with a concrete monstrosity – presumably confused by the smoke and mirrors of the PR campaign which branded it “The Granite Web”.

Whether the battle turns into a war, protracting the debate, and driving further wedges between parties already badly divided, remains to be seen, but it is hard to see a rapid healing of the wounds that this process has created.

It is also difficult to stop the passion that fuelled the Retain campaign from dissipating, before all avenues of challenge are exhausted against a process labelled as democratic – but which in reality has been anything but that.

What is clear is that events from 2008 to now should be reviewed and recorded for posterity, so that future generations when looking back can seek to understand a number of things:

why we allowed our heritage to be given away to a clique of egoists and nepotists, who deluded the public and maybe even themselves into believing that they were altruists and philanthropists

why the local authority whose primary function is to act in the citizenry’s best interest handed control to an unelected quango, immune from public scrutiny

and why we allowed the city’s future to be mortgaged on the most questionable of business cases, flagged up as high risk by Audit Scotland in the final days of the campaign – when most votes were already cast.

Not that this was a revelation: Friends of Union Terrace Gardens had identified the risk months before, but their claims were played down in the media.

The last two months have seen a referendum conducted by a returning officer who sought to have the campaigns run to a fair set of rules.

The dominance of the local print media in forming and steering public opinion, and its incestuous relationship with local business, is deeply concerning.

While it appears that the retain groups stayed within their £8000 budgets, the pro groups – aided and abetted by the collaborators in the local media – spent an estimated £1,000,000 to buy the votes of the people of Aberdeen. Their cynical campaign saw radio adverts dressed as public information broadcasts, and a drip-fed daily editorial in the local press, with each day’s evening paper offering more extravagant promises than the last, as part of a fawning hysterical clamour.

That the retain groups, variously composed primarily of grey-haired men, beardies, tree-huggers and an enthusiastic schoolboy, ran the referendum right to the wire, losing by such a slender margin, is testament to their energy, enthusiasm and resourcefulness. That they did this against a campaign co-ordinated by the BIG Partnership, Scotland’s largest PR agency, is little short of a miracle.

The dominance of the local print media in forming and steering public opinion, and its incestuous relationship with local business, is deeply concerning.

The public need a source of true facts rather than propaganda dressed as objective reporting.

That said, there have been two positives to emerge from the press coverage of the campaign: the amusement derived from watching the Evening Express contorting itself like an India-rubber prostitute in a bid to champion the development, while not entirely abandoning its habitual council-baiting; and the emergence of the STV Local site as a place where all parties can present their voice without editorial bias.

It is hard not to see the future of local journalism as lying in hyper-local online spaces, as counterpoint to the shrinking of print to the point of complete insignificance.

the dead-eyed, gape-mouthed novelty-seekers who lurch zombie-like through the malls

Returning to the proposed development itself, it should be remembered that Union Terrace Gardens is the only part of the city where one can see the original topography of the land on which the city is built.

Sadly the local authority in the last century has allowed almost all traces of the city’s history to be erased like some embarrassing legacy instead of retaining and celebrating its character. Compare this with Edinburgh’s old town or York’s centre.

We are now confronted by the effacement of the final part of our history in order to satisfy the dead-eyed, gape-mouthed novelty-seekers who lurch zombie-like through the malls that have brought about the systematic homogenisation of the city centre and obliterated all individuality and character.

If we do not continue to challenge this proposed act of civic vandalism, by:

opposing the planning application,
challenging the use of Common Good land,
exposing the business case as one which will leave the city bankrupt (as it was last in1817) when the TIF scheme plays out as feared,

then we should at least ensure that we record for posterity the names of the businessmen who proposed this vanity project; note the politicians and faceless unelected quango-ists who eased its path to realisation; and ponder the many, many idiotic consumers who swallowed the hype, without challenge or analysis.

If we do nothing else, we should record those names on the black calendar’s page for 2nd March 2012.

Letter To The Sane World – A UTG Overview

Aberdeen City, Articles, Community, Environment, Featured, Information, Opinion No Responses »

Feb 292012

Shakhaf Barak wrote to a friend highlighting the history behind the current referendum that is dividing the city. He has kindly allowed Voice to use it, almost verbatim as the deadline approaches for voting.

Dear Friend,
Here in Aberdeen there is a bitter referendum taking place, and it could go either way. Over 70,000 people have voted thus far, in a city of barely 212,000 souls, and both sides have reported each other to the police. Central to this story is a 250-year old city centre park, Union Terrace Gardens, and the billionaire oil tycoon seeking to redevelop it.

Union Terrace Gardens are similar to Edinburgh’s Princes Street Gardens, lying in the natural amphitheatre of the Denburn valley, the Denburn being a stream which flows right through the city, underground where it borders the Gardens. Much of Aberdeen’s best architecture was clearly envisaged to overlook this area.

The Gardens are home to a cluster of 260-year old elms trees that once formed part of the Corbie Haugh, a historic wood which ran through the valley. This is among the largest concentration of healthy mature elm trees in Europe, and they are reputed to have escaped Dutch Elm Disease, not only due to their isolation, but also because the pollution of the city has afforded some sort of protection from it.

Both the park and its beautiful Victorian toilets are Grade A-listed, and all of the trees are under preservation orders. Up until as late as 2003, the Gardens formed the centrepiece of Aberdeen’s Britain In Bloom entry, and they were truly stunning, but since then expenditure has all but ceased, and the toilets have been closed for several years.

In 2008 a local arts organisation, Peacock Visual Arts (PVA) was granted planning permission for an award-winning and sympathetically-designed arts centre to be built into the hillside of the Gardens. This would have meant felling a small number of trees but none of the elms. The design was universally acclaimed and it was hoped that this scheme would help regenerate interest in the Gardens.

Enter Sir Ian Wood, one of Scotland’s richest men, and chief of Wood Group PSN. Sir Ian decided that he’d like to redevelop the Gardens by building a five-storey bunker in their place, whilst covering over the adjoining railway line and urban dual carriageway, with the entire roof of this construction forming a flat civic square at street level. It was not entirely clear what would be installed in the bunker, although speculation was rife to say the least.

He offered the council £50m towards the cost of this project, which was mooted to cost £140m. This was possibly an optimistic figure since Union Square, a similarly sized shopping mall with none of the technical difficulties or prior excavation work, cost £250m to build. The council felt this offer was too good to refuse, but the some members of the public were up in arms.

Sir Ian decided to put the proposal out to public consultation and promised to walk away should the public reject it.

The ‘consultation’ was commissioned by Aberdeen City and Shire Economic Future (ACSEF), a publicly-funded unelected QUANGO, and conducted by The BiG Partnership, Scotland’s largest PR company.

It many ways it resembled a marketing exercise. The bulk of participation was via a website, which asked several questions with a somewhat loaded feel to them. For technical reasons, the question on whether or not to proceed with the plan defaulted to a YES vote.

If, during completion of the questionnaire, any previously-given responses were subsequently amended, this again defaulted back to a YES vote. When the results were released, it became apparent from the comments sections that may people who had intended voting NO had instead been recorded as YES voters.

Over 10,000 people participated in the consultation, and In spite of it’s technical oversights, the public voted against the Civic Square proposal by 54%-46%, a healthy and significant majority. However the PR machine kicked in and somehow spun that the 202,000 people who had not participated possibly represented a silent majority in favour of this scheme.

Critics described it as a cross between Tellytubby Land and a skate park

Sir Ian decided not to walk away, and the project went to a council vote. The council voted in favour of taking the plan forward at the expense of PVA who by that time had 80% of their £20m funding in place. It has subsequently been alleged that some of the PVA funding was diverted into the new project.

The BiG Partnership now re-launched the plans under a new name, The City Garden Project (CGP). It was claimed that the outcome of the public consultation was that the public were broadly in favour of a garden as opposed to a civic square. Any implication that they were actually in favour of preserving the existing gardens was ignored.

The interested parties now felt that the best option was to redevelop the Gardens by building a five-storey bunker in their place whilst covering over the adjoining railway line and urban dual carriageway, with the entire roof of this construction forming a new garden at street level.

The whole thing had an air of déjà vu.

This time it was decided to hold an international design contest, paid for with public money. Six designs were shortlisted from hundreds of entrants. One, The Granite Web, bore a striking resemblance to Civic Square concept, albeit with less concrete and more greenery. Critics described it as a cross between Tellytubby Land and a skate park.

The local press heavily promoted the Granite Web design from the outset of the contest, leading with it on their front page and providing it with more photo coverage than the other designs. It was almost as though it had been ordained.

The public voted, and spoiled ballots aside, all indications were that The Winter Garden design proved the most popular. An independent poll confirmed this and put The Monolith in second place.

Tellingly both of these designs retained much of the topology of the existing Gardens. Word on the street was that The Granite Web was not a popular choice, but we’ll never know for sure, because a decision was taken not to release the results of the so-called public vote to the public.

It was then announced that the winner of the private-public vote would be put forward to the selection panel, along with another design. The self-appointed selection panel consisted of Sir Ian, some other influential people from the oil industry, an architectural consultant on the project payroll, and a councillor who backed the project.

The two designs discussed were the acknowledged public favourite, The Winter Garden, and you’ve guessed it, the joker in the pack, The Granite Web. When the panel announced the result, it should have come as no surprise to anyone that they had chosen The Granite Web, yet there was a shocked silence, and even those had come out in favour of the redevelopment initially appeared bemused if not downright confused.

The original Civic Square was mooted to cost £140m, with £50m coming from Sir Ian, £20m from the private sector, and the rest to be borrowed through a Tax Incremental Funding (TIF) scheme. Any over-run would be covered by the council (read local taxpayer) .

Only £5m of the private sector contribution has materialised thus far, but there has been an announcement that The Granite Web would be significantly less expensive to build than the previously-envisaged, but somewhat less complex, civic square. Sir Ian has offered to personally fund up to £35M of any cost over runs, should they occur.

The TIF proposal cheerfully bends all the guidelines of TIF funding. TIF is intended to be used to redevelop brownfield sites, with the loan being repaid over a 25 year period through increased rates recouped from any businesses setting up in the redeveloped area. The city council had already approved planning permission for two new industrial estates on the outskirts of town, under the business case for the TIF funding, these new estates become part of the TIF zone, so in The Granite Web’s case, sections of the TIF zone are located several miles away from the actual redeveloped area.

The predictions are for 6,500 jobs and £122m annual revenue to the local economy, all based on the new industrial estates, which have no obvious linkage to The Granite Web, operating at full capacity. Even if one were to accept that any new jobs could be somehow attributed to The Granite Web, the figure of 6,500 seems unlikely given that the London Olympics is only projected to create 3,500 jobs.

Either way, the setup feels a bit shaky; the truth is that these jobs and their associated revenue will accrue with or without The Granite Web.

By this time, councillors seemed to be getting edgy and unwilling to green-light the project, so they decided to hold a public referendum. Any group wishing to campaign was required to adhere to an £8,000 spending limit, and for this they were provided with 300 words of text in the voting pack.

The packs went out, but unfortunately some of the Retain lobby’s statements were mangled due to a ‘computer error’. The voting packs were closely followed by a big money public relations mail bombing campaign by The BiG Partnership promoting The Granite Web. Publicity materials went through every letter box, pro Granite Web articles dominated the press, and adverts were played around the clock on the local radio stations.

Apparently this expenditure was permitted by virtue of being funded by an ‘unregistered’, and as yet anonymous, campaign group – whatever that means! I guess it’s a bit like not having to pay tax because your parents never applied for a birth certificate, who knows? By this point, things were becoming surreal to say the least.

The referendum closes on 1 March and it’s a bitter fight that has divided the city. For example, an oil company boss has made a complaint to the police alleging mail hacking and cyber bullying. The police claim they are taking this allegation seriously. There have also been two arrests possibly related to claims of vote-rigging, but ultimately no one was charged.

The town has gone berserk and it’s civil war all over Facebook. It’s as if we’re all experiencing a really, really bad shared dream. I just dread to think what we’ll all be waking up to on Saturday morning.

Open Spaces Unltd Reply To Knabzco

Aberdeen City, Aberdeenshire, Articles, Community, Information, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Feb 222012

With Thanks to Rt.Hon. George Maloney III ( CEO Open Spaces UnLtd. )

The following contains a reply to some feedback Open Spaces Unltd received through youtube. Open Spaces UnLtd were recently contacted by a person by the name of Knabzco. After watching our Option 7 Campaign video Knabzco offered his/her opinion on our campaign.

“Well, at 499 views, I’d say you’ve probably impressed enough people to swing the vote. Not. Fucking bellend. Grow up.” – Knabzco

Open Spaces Unltd values highly any customer feedback, so without hesitation we responded.

“Dear Knabzco, thank you very much for your feedback on our campaign. The board are considering your comments and will send through their reply in due course. We are proud of our proposal and feel honoured that you would take 2 minutes out of your very busy day to send us your insightful words. You are most welcome to arrange a meeting with one of our managers if you would like to talk further about our wonderful company.

Much love to you

Kisses xxx”

Mr/Mrs/Ms Knabzco graciously continued the dialogue.

“I just find it incredibly arrogant of some people who are prepared to turn down an offer of 50 million pounds to bring their city centre back to life. There are towns and cities throughout the UK and Ireland which would bite your hand off for such an amazing offer. Sad. Really sad to see. I sincerely hope that common sense will prevail and the majority vote yes. If they’re retained, tell me, what will the Gardens look like in 10, 20 years time?” – Knabzco

Our CEO, Rt.Hon George Maloney III provided Mr/Mrs.Knabzco with a personal response.

Dear Mr/Mrs/Ms Knabzco

Thank you for getting in touch again Mr. Knabzco. We at Open Spaces Unltd feel that we cannot speak for the citizens of Aberdeen as we are an unlimited company but I would, speaking as an individual of course, like to offer my thoughts on the issue.

Our feedback analysis actually found the “arrogant” ones to be those in our society who have no regard for democracy or decency. I suspect, again speaking as an individual, that this result pertains to the veil of secrecy that surrounds the project.

Aberdonians do not respond well to threats, especially when they are being threatened by those who completely ignored their feedback forms.

I suspect that consumers in the city are unsatisfied with their choice of local quangos given that our foremost economic advisory body ACSEF, a board of millionaire businessmen with only 2 elected representatives, appears to have unrestrained influence over the economic direction in which our city is being driven. I also suspect that consumers are unsatisfied with the matter of public consultations.

In this particular case, consumers have been consulted twice and have, both times, called for the retention of the gardens.

Additionally, our Public Relations Department found that citizens did not care much for the marketing strategies of the pro-CGP teams. They felt that they had been delivered an ultimatum, a threat, if you will. Our research shows that Aberdonians do not respond well to threats, especially when they are being threatened by those who completely ignored their feedback forms.

I, again speaking as a citizen of the Granite City, feel that the public have been offered very little in the way of information about the funding mechanisms. The TIF scheme has a very blotted copy book and I wonder if the public aren’t beginning to get a little restless about the details.

Our team has, through vigorous investigation, shown that the consumers tend towards anti-austerity views. They felt that the Scottish Government were changing the rules of the game halfway through.

It was pointed out to me by one of our most esteemed clients that the original TIF pilot scheme only included funding for 6 schemes, but when the ACC scheme was not recommended by the Scottish Futures Trust (a body appointed by the government to scrutinize TIF applications and make recommendations on the sensibility of the business case to the government) to Holyrood, ministers decided that they might be able to find an extra £92 million to finance said initiative.

I suspect that the public, in these terrible times of austerity, simply feel that spending such money is not prudent, especially when one considers the number of budgets and services which are currently being liquidated and how that might affect the most vulnerable in our society.

Money does appear, at least to many people, to be buying opinion.

The final point I’d like make is that, according to our telephone survey, the public felt the referendum itself might be undemocratic. Many participants raised concerns about the funding of a group called the ‘Vote for the City Gardens Project’.

They felt that, as it had not registered as an official campaign organisation, it may be spending far more than the £8000 allowed to official campaign groups.

It was stated that the playing field was not very level. Especially when the Facebook page revealed that 50 anonymous business people (who have more money than the average campaigner) were behind the venture. Many of our participants had become disillusioned by and tired of the constant stream of Royal Mail-delivered pro-CGP propaganda dropping though their doors. The flyers, newspapers, radio adverts, videos and pro-CGP media were all identified as major concerns throughout the survey.

Money does appear, at least to many people, to be buying opinion. The pro-UTG groups simply do not have the funds that this unregistered group enjoy, and as a result the debate is not fair or balanced. I fear that such disregard for public opinion will lead to consumers simply withdrawing their savings from the confidence-in-business-elites-and-ACC bank and will oblige them to look for other ways to run their society.

I hope my humble offering has helped to shed some light on those “arrogant” people who may not be fully supportive of your personal view.

Thanks again, and please do not hesitate to contact us if there is anything else we can do for you.

George Maloney III

Old Susannah’s Journal No. 40 – Genius Loci And Vested Interest

Aberdeen City, Articles, Community, Creative Writing, Environment, Information, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Jun 182011

Voice’s Old Susannah casts her eye over recent events, stories, and terms and phrases familiar as well as freshly ‘spun’, which will be forever etched in the consciousness of the people of Aberdeen and the Northeast.

The wait is over. The skies have cleared, and the planets are aligned (or at least we had an eclipse this week). It is launched. The streets are deserted as people flock around computers to read what our future holds, and to add their comments to the website: Genius loci is here.

”What is she on about?” I hear you ask. The Aberdeen Chamber of Commerce enlisted the talents of its leading lights (as well as John Stewart), and have created a wonderful website where they actually ask for – wait for it – the opinions of humble non-business folk like you and me on how we want our City to be transformed.

We are told first and foremost to forget all the negative stuff – ‘it is easy to criticise’ they tell us.

“The Chamber wants to turn the debate about the city centre from the negative to the positive. We should stop talking about what’s wrong, and concentrate our efforts on putting it right”. – See: genius-loci-in-30-seconds

Old Susannah was never one to criticise or make unkind comments, and I hope you will take a page from my book

Obviously, if we just simply stop talking about the tiny problems this city has, then the elephant will leave the room. Let’s just forget about politicians, millionaires and quangos behaving badly. Minor things like councillors being jailed for theft, city government selling real estate at less than market value, school and service closures and cuts, etc. can all be swept away. Let it go.

Now that’s done, let’s figure out how to fix the real problem.

What will make everyone rich, successful, happy, well-dressed and content?
Answer: We must build something in place of Union Terrace Gardens.

Who knows? With a bit of planning and the right quangos, Aberdeen might just even become the Scunthorpe or Milton Keynes of the north. Just because we are three hours north of Glasgow and Edinburgh is no reason to think our location will be any hindrance to the hordes of shopping tourists we desperately all want to attract. Let’s think outside the box and start thinking inside the dome (which is a City Square proposal). Let’s look at some of the exciting possibilities on offer.

Genius Loci:

Latin phrase – ‘spirit of the place’. A brand new initiative by the Chamber of Commerce.
Hooray. It’s time to do some architecture. You may remember that John Stewart, head of Aberdeen City Council, complained not long ago that there wasn’t much of anything in UTG but grass and trees. Thankfully, this disgraceful situation will be solved by the combined efforts of ACSEF, the Chamber of Commerce, Aberdeen City Council, and let’s not forget Malcolm Reading and a host of international architects eager to get their hands on taxpayer money – sorry – eager to improve the life of each and every citizen by building stuff.

The business sector says that making new buildings improves peoples’ lives. (It’s a good thing that we have a strong local government which balances the educational, health and social needs of its citizens against any conflicting interests of big business).

having a monorail will be like a dream come true

Back in the day, St Nicholas House was celebrated for its modernity and shiny blue bits. I am sure that people travelled to Aberdeen just to look at it, and then went shopping.

Union Square is also going to make us prosperous. Any day now. Some might think this latest mall has only added a new set of multinational stores and sucked the life out of local commerce in the city centre while encouraging more urban sprawl. But that’s not the kind of thinking we want right now. Let’s do as the Chamber of Commerce wants: Let’s forget the past, let’s not think about the negatives – let’s only focus on how exciting – nay vibrant lots of new buildings could be for all of us.

Some 150 people were asked to contribute essays on the city’s architectural (and hence cultural, social and economic future we’re told) for this Genius Loci thing. About 50 essays came back, although it seems they are all from business people or city councillors. I guess the elderly, people with mobility problems, unwaged and young aren’t up to the job of making comment. Old Susannah couldn’t wait to read as much of the proposals as possible; let’s share just one with you now.

John Stewart, head Genius has some big plans – and strangely enough they involve the end of the Denburn Valley:-

“I remain convinced that the raising of Union Terrace Gardens, to create a larger garden, with performance space, public art, water features, and cafes is a vital part of this. We should not be afraid to remove some of the worst eyesores to deliver this new space. There is the potential for new space on the St Nicholas House site when it is demolished, to improve the Castlegate. Could the St Nicholas Kirkyard be opened up more? …”

This is brilliant stuff, thanks John. I’m all for throwing the kirkyard up to development as well. I for one will be at the water feature watching the mimes perform in February as I have my baguette and cappuccino. But it gets better:

“…The Union Terrace Gardens development allows the opportunity to route buses onto the Denburn dual carriageway….. I’d love to see a monorail. And do not underestimate the importance of communications in terms of connectivity. A free wi-fi network across the City Centre is a must”.

I have a confession to make: as a child: my brother was mainly in charge of the toy train we had at Christmas, and having a monorail will be like a dream come true. Monorail construction in Aberdeen will enhance our architecture, and take us from A to B in style. People will come from around the world to see it, particularly people from the States, where monorail building programmes have caused more financial disasters than the sub-prime market did. Just go look at the ‘Marge Vs the Monorail’ episode of the Simpsons – not that I am insinuating any of our august councillors and businessmen are cartoon characters or dishonest.

“Would it be possible to take control of, large parts of the City Centre, consolidating ownership of numerous older buildings, gutting the insides to create the flexible space desired by modern retail, while retaining the facades and features, a little like the council has achieved with Marischal College?”

Now we’re talking! I like it when a man takes control, John – particularly if they’re using compulsory purchase orders. Maybe the City could just ‘take control’ of everything, and give control to ACSEF? If that’s what’s going to happen anyway, this would be a time- and money-saving idea.

So I urge everyone – go download ‘Genius Loci’ and have a look at the website. Make your comments. Read the ‘visionaries’ comments. After all, I don’t want to be feeling dizzy, nauseous, intellectually insulted and ill-used all on my own.

One final point to stress: this ‘Genius Loci’ initiative is definitely not the product of any group with a vested interest.

Vested Interest:

(Modern English phrase) a personal concern in maintaining or influencing a condition, arrangement, or action especially for selfish ends.
If Old Susannah didn’t know better or if I were just a bit cynical, I would ask the question: do any groups have a vested interest in ‘improving’ Union Terrace Gardens? Good thing I’m not cynical.

All that the international architects in the design competition want is for Aberdonians to have a fantastic life in a vibrant city. They are not interested in winning competitions or making money. Architecture is a higher calling, as can be seen in our beautiful bus station, Torry ‘hen houses’ or majestic Union Square mall.

All the local construction companies want likewise is for you and me to be happy. If they happen to make a few million during the process, than everyone’s a winner. I sigh with happiness when I picture the future: we will travel the monorail from shopping mall to shopping mall, drinking cafe latte on concrete patios as we admire the city’s new dome from the safety of the culture zone. Who needs a rapture when this is heading our way? What will you do with all the extra income this will generate for you personally?

the organisations which want us to forget the past are pretty much the same ones that got us to where we are today

Does anyone own any city-centre property close to a culture zone or commerce zone which will skyrocket in value?

I hope so. If for instance any millionaires owned land near say a railroad that is set to quadruple in value if these schemes go ahead, then more power to them.

What if such a person were lucky enough to be involved with the decision-making process of our great construction schemes to deliver our new open space thingy? Maybe they had some power within ACSEF or the Chamber of Commerce itself? Would it constitute a vested interest if they used their influence to get rid of the Denburn Valley, and coincidentally got very rich as a result for owning nearby land and possibly picking up a few million in construction work? Hmmm.

It is coincidence that the Chamber of Commerce released its Genius Loci document at the same time the design competition to ‘improve Union Terrace Gardens is on. It is also coincidence that ‘vested interest’ should appear in this week’s definitions. It is also a big coincidence that the organisations which want us to forget the past are pretty much the same ones that got us to where we are today.

I’m afraid the excitement is just too much for me; I feel faint and can’t continue. Let’s leave it there for now until the enormity of our great future fully sinks in – I definitely have a sinking feeling.

I’m off now to a presentation on ‘rebranding the city,’ I am sure you are looking forward to hearing all about it next week.

Old Susannah’s Dictionary Corner No. 6

Articles, Creative Writing, Information, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Oct 012010

Old Susannah gets to grips with more tricky terms.

A Quick Word on Willows Animal Sanctuary
Aberdeen City Council can find £200K for public relations firms to find out why people don’t want to get rid of Union Terrace Gardens. Ian Wood can offer £50 Million to the City if it spends twice as much in getting rid of Union Terrace Gardens. While the rest of us can’t hope to do anything as grand or important, Old Susannah would ask if anyone out there can please make a donation to Willows Animal Sanctuary in Fraserburgh which is in desperate need of money and animal feed (feed is being collected for all kinds of animals for Willows at Love and Roses, South Crown Street, Aberdeen).

Please visit http://www.willowsanimals.com to see what good work they do, and how you can help them survive.

The unfortunate reality is that when we are in hard, uncertain economic times, two things go wrong for animals. Firstly, people cannot always afford to keep making donations to charities, and funding for many good causes from the private sector falls (which is why we are lucky to have such a compassionate, caring local government). The second is that in hard times animals get cruelly dumped as people can’t afford food or veterinary care. Willows is a major player in helping animals in the North East – please help if you can.

Property Maintenance
This may come as a surprise, but if you are a homeowner, then you should maintain your property. Yes, really. If you were unsure whether you should let your roof leak or your stairwells collapse, then Aberdeen City Council has come to your rescue.

Inspectors are visiting your streets as I write, looking at your gutters, stairs and slates, and if anything’s amiss, then a dedicated team of inspectors will send you a glossy colour brochure and a letter telling you what you should do. The keener inspector will ask to be let into your building, garden or home with no prior appointment. (The phrase ‘Just say no’ springs to mind).

Old Susannah has received such a letter, advising that her building’s occupants ‘might want to look at their guttering’. The letter helpfully says that the Council cannot force us to make any repairs – AT THE MOMENT. Strangely enough, there is nothing to advise where the extra money will be coming from to make the suggested repairs. It is gratifying to know that the Council can free up money and resources to tell private property owners what they should do. Over the past few years I have seen people trip and injure themselves on the City’s hazardous, uneven pavements, and I know people who have waited months in Council flats for serious repairs including leaks.

A few years ago a woman was injured when her council flat ceiling fell in on her. A certain local builder whose kitchen floors are prone to give way if too many people are on them, may or may not have heard from the Council. But as we all know kitchens are dangerous places, and only a few people should ever be in one at any given time. I also understand from reliable sources that there may be a slow-down on Council flat refurbishments and workers are being temporarily (?) laid off. ‘Practice what you preach’ will appear in a forthcoming definition.

Project Management
Project management should be simple: a project needs three things: a budget, a timescale, and a ‘scope’ of exactly what the project should be, make, or accomplish. About this time last year, NESTRANS (our friendly North East transportation quango/board) told an Aberdeen Civic Forum that it did not know how much the Aberdeen Western Peripheral Route would cost or where the money was coming from. It also could not say where the route would be going exactly. Other than such trivialities, the AWPR will no doubt be a triumph. The speaker did assure us however, that the project would happen in 2012. Watch this space.

Bad Debts
The City Council HAS shown signs of improvement lately. This year we are only (?) writing off £2.8 million pounds of ‘bad debt’ this year. This is a vast improvement on the £11 million it wrote off a few years back. It seems it’s just too hard to get money from some people who owe tax, parking fines, other fees – so we just declare it ‘bad debt’ and that’s that. An affluent, economically sound city like Aberdeen can afford to do so. Especially now that it has found some way to borrow £200 million worth of taxpayer’s money from the central government – which somehow is not going to cost us anything. Well, unless you are a taxpayer. Then you are loaning the City Council money. No prizes for guessing that they want to put most of this into getting rid of Union Terrace Gardens (sorry, building a prosperous civic square with parking and shops) – and have no interest in reinstating the many services it has cut .

Old Susannah’s Dictionary Corner No 2

Aberdeen City, Aberdeenshire, Articles, Creative Writing No Responses »

Jul 302010

Aberdeen Voice’s Old Susannah opens her heart and her dictionary to define these tricky terms.

Consultation: to ask members of the public what they want, then to tell them what you had already decided they are going to get. Expensive brochures and infallible experts are used to steer people towards the desired conclusion during the consultation process. If the citizenry somehow does not come to the correct conclusion, it can later be told that it did not actually understand the consultation. Continue reading »