Dec 062016
 

With thanks to Ross Anderson, Senior Account Manager, Citrus:Mix

aberdeen-christmas-village-festive-fun-day2

Lord Provost George Adam with Adrian Watson, chief executive of Aberdeen Inspired.

North-east charities, community groups and people with additional support needs enjoyed a free festive event in the heart of Aberdeen today.

Aberdeen Inspired, which delivers the Aberdeen Christmas Village in partnership with Aberdeen City Council and Codona’s, laid on a special Festive Fun Day and invited guests to enjoy the winter wonderland in a relaxed atmosphere.

Now in its second year, the Festive Fun Day attracted groups from Rosie’s social enterprises, Children First, Aberlour/Families First, Kaimhill School Rainbow Room pupils, Hazlewood School and Befriend a Child, to name but a few, who got into the Yuletide spirit at the attraction on Union Terrace.

They were treated to the rides, a session on the ice, free snacks and a soft drink in one of the marquees, where a disco took place all day.

Adrian Watson, chief executive of Aberdeen Inspired, said:

“We’re proud to host the Festive Fun Day at Aberdeen Christmas Village and it’s great to be able to give something back to good causes in the city and beyond.

“We were delighted with the response from charitable organisations and groups across Aberdeen and the wider north-east, the uptake has been fantastic once again this year.

“It’s been wonderful to see our guests smiling and enjoying themselves throughout the day and I hope they have lots of happy memories from their visit.”

The Aberdeen Christmas Village is open until Sunday, January 8. Union Terrace is closed until Sunday, January 15 to accommodate the village, with a number of traffic measures in place until then. For more information visit: www.aberdeenchristmas.co.uk/plan-your-visit

Aberdeen Inspired is the banner under which the Aberdeen BID (Business Improvement District) operates.

It is a business-led initiative within the city centre in which levy payers within the BID zone contribute. Proceeds are used to fund projects designed to improve the business district and drive footfall to the zone.

More information about Aberdeen Inspired is available at www.aberdeeninspired.com

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Jan 112012
 

Old Susannah tries to get to grips with the newspapers, the actual news, and council-speak.  By Suzanne Kelly.

Tally Ho!  The highlight of this past week was undoubtedly going to the Wildly Unprepared show at the Belmont on Wednesday night.
The atmosphere was terrific, and the place was standing room only.

Adam Leel hosted the show last night and the improv acts were Tom McGinn, Andrew McDonald, Robert Starr, Fraser Taylor, Mark Wilson and Roderick Mackenzie. The stand-up comedians were James Mcintosh and Marc Christie.
They’re doing it all again next Wednesday at 9pm, same venue – the Belmont’s downstairs bar.  If you want a seat, then come early. 

There was a little audience participation, elements of ‘Whose Line is it Anyway?’, stand up, some great improv, and genuine, topical laughs. 

One of the comedians did some whale jokes.  I fell for them hook, line and sinker, and thought ‘Cod, this guy’s great’ – and I’m not just saying that for the halibut, as most puns just give me a haddock.  Eel go far.  So if you thought ACSEF and the Lib Dems had a monopoly on wild, unpredictable humour in this town, think again.

Sadly, I seem to have upset that nice Neil Fletcher again. I sent all of the City’s councillors some questions in anticipation of the May elections (more on these soon).

While he’s most put out at my behaviour (without his spelling out what I did) and has sent me some fascinating emails (which are causing quite a few chuckles with my lawyers and friends), I’ll say nothing about that just now.

Neil’s undoubtedly upset at John Stewart’s taking off for Manchester soon.  This of course leaves the coveted post of leader of the Lib Dems open to speculation.

The Press & Journal have named two vibrant and dynamic, forward-thinking, intelligent potential pretenders to the title:  Aileen ‘Ho’Malone and Kate Dean. So I understand that Neil’s upset, and if he seems to be a wee bit miserable, this is obviously out of character, and we quite understand.

But anonymous, mysterious men dominate this week’s news.  The first mystery which Old Susannah can’t get her head around is this – a headless corpse (the head was nearby) was found at the grounds of a psychiatric hospital in Bristol.  And what have the police issued as their statement?

“An Avon and Somerset Police spokesman said the death did not appear to be suspicious.

I guess it must have been one of those natural causes beheadings, or just your average beheading accident.  With police work like that, we can all rest our heads on our pillows at night with complete confidence.

Pseudonym:   (noun) an assumed name used to conceal identity.

Old Susannah had originally intended to write under the pseudonym ‘Old Susannah’ – not because I was afraid of people knowing how much I admire the council, but so that people who’d been complaining to me of rights and wrongs up and down Aberdeen could do so without endangering their anonymity.  (In fact it was all the info coming to me that started this little column going in the first place).

As it turned out, the first column came out with my name on it by mistake, but it’s all worked out fine – people are still sending me tales of woe from inside the fortress of doom (aka the Townhouse).

But what of those people who hide behind a pseudonym when posting opinions on line or commenting in chatrooms in such a way as to inflame rather than inform or debate like grown-ups?  We need level heads, brilliant minds and peacemakers.  What we’ve got is… ‘Sasha M.’

For any of you who might visit the Press & Journal’s online presence you’ll note the comments at the end of articles.  Whether the subject is Union Terrace Gardens or the use of Common Good money to buy expensive pens for visiting dignitaries, ‘Sasha M –  mystery man (or woman) – stands head and shoulders above the rest for informed, intelligent opinions, gently delivered:

His winning ways are earning him swarms of devotees.  Here are some samples of his words of wisdom:

On the subject of expensive gifts bought from the common good fund as gifts for dignitaries:

 “I’m sure there is more going into the Common Good Fund than is coming out of it, or at the very least it is break even with growth to maintain the cash value in line with inflation. So what is the problem?” 

The fact that the Common Good Fund is worth millions less than it was some 10 years ago doesn’t hamper Sasha M’s wit or writing style, nor the fact that the City is keen to lease or give so much of it away.  Sadly some wet blanket had this to say on the same thread:-

“Neil (Fletcher) – Civic dignity went out of the window last year with the Lord Provost’s poorly judged casting vote on Union Terrace Gardens. Shameful…..On a lighter note, I wonder if the parties concerned use freebie Cartier pens to sign over the lease? They might as well take the mick to the max, so to speak!” – harvey freshwater 

Join in the fun on this old thread at:

http://www.pressandjournal.co.uk/Article.aspx/2471577

A cynic might say that the back-and-forth on these postings is much more entertaining than the Press & Journal, and the worst sceptics think that Sasha M might even be an invention of the press – but you just don’t get writers like him (or her) without years of study of language, logic and the arts.

Other examples of his or her way with words include :-

“..grow up for god’s sake,”

and regarding TIF funding / UTG:

“Well if ever there was an example of why we shouldn’t ask the public about this, Michty Me [another poster]  has just shown that the public don’t understand the issues and public opinion is worthless because it is not fully informed.”

Quite right, too!  If Sasha is a councillor, then their constituents might like to know Sasha’s views on the public’s opinions.  Sasha’s other posts clearly show a great interest in real estate matters, if no knowledge of heritage, democracy and the rights of the electorate.

Some people think Sasha could be Kate Dean, or a higher power from a parallel universe – the jury’s out.  Sasha also decided to make some posts telling the world that I got ‘inebriated’ at Brew Dog (never happened, ever) and that when I forgot a poll tax payment I had  ‘ broken the law’.  The P&J decided there was no substance in these posts, so off they came with an apology.

But like every other person in Aberdeen, I am dying to know who this crusader for truth and justice against all those pesky ‘lefties’ as Sasha calls such riff-raff is.  Will the real Sasha M please step forward?  We’d like to know.  Sasha, if you’re out there, why not come clean on your identity?  The fans are waiting.

 Referendum:   (noun) form of balloting to determine policy or a specific issue.

A referendum is when a government asks the people what it wants, before continuing to proceed with doing what the vast majority of the public don’t want.  Hooray!  We’re going to have a referendum on Union Terrace Gardens!  Of course, it is not totally binding, and as history has shown, where there is a Wood, there is a way.

I’d like to think the referendum’s results will be accepted by the City.  I still don’t understand how my original vote on UTG, sent by postcard seems not to have been listed on the (massive) spreadsheets of comments received.  I used the word ‘preposterous’ believe it or not to describe the scheme –but this word cannot be found on the list of comments, and it remains unclear whether or not my vote was ever counted.

Then again, at least I wasn’t one of the people who seemingly had their votes against building in UTG changed to a vote in favour – this apparently happened to many online voters – when adding a comment seemed to have made the vote into a favourable one.

I guess we’ll leave it there for now.  Concerning FOI requests, the clock’s still ticking on the deadline for Aberdeen to hand over its list of properties sold to Milne – they have another 10 days as of the time of writing.  And my request to find out what Common Good Lands are held?  It’s past due, and I’ve received this useful comment:

“… once an applicant has requested a review on the basis of lateness, any response provided constitutes the review outcome, and the applicant will have no further opportunities to seek a review of the response at local authority level.”

So if I ask the City to tell me why it’s late (again) answering a FOI request, ‘any response provided constitutes the review outcome.’   Sorry, but it’s going to take someone of Sasha M’s intelligence to tell Old Susannah what that means.  ‘Do What Now??’ is the phrase that springs to mind.

Next week:  More Freedom of Information capers.

Sep 162011
 

Old Susannah watches the latest developments in the ‘Deen and the wider world and feels like a deer caught in headlights. Here is this week’slook at what’s happening where and who’s doing what to whom. By Suzanne Kelly.

It’s been another one of those weeks in Aberdeen. Campaigners launched an advertisement in the Evening Express highlighting the Tullos Hill Roe Deer situation ( link ). It also seems that our raptor population – golden eagles, red kites and so on – are still being poisoned left, right and centre.
Every spare bit of greenbelt land is up for development to the highest bidder here in the City and Shire, and things look rather grim on the environment front whever you turn. What do overdevelopment, the deer cull and bird poisonings have in common? The people behind them are more interested in money than our environment.

These little issues have not stopped our intrepid Kate Dean from welcoming a European delegation for a ‘Periurban Parks’ conference this week. 

Kate is slated (as ever) to give a welcome speech and explain how wonderfully well Aberdeen manages its parks and land.  I could not miss such a conference, and if you’re reading this on Friday morning 16/9, I will be sitting at said conference hanging on every word.  Who knows?  I might even have a few choice words of my own for the attendees.  But what to wear…? 

A bit of good news though – it looks as if some form of Referendum on the future of Union Terrace Gardens will take place.  As Aileen Malone  promised this referendum, we should not be surprised that it is coming about – she is a woman true to her word.  If she says we’re having a referendum, then we’re having a referendum.  If she says we’re going to start shooting deer in October on Tullos Hill, then we’re going to kill (sorry ‘manage’) deer.  Fantastic.

Finally, Old Susannah was dolphin and whale watching last Saturday morning with Ian Hay as part of Techfest’s rich programme. 

Do have a look at the other activities on offer at Techfest. Then on Sunday I had a fantastic outing with ‘Contact the Elderly’.  We all went to Crathes Castle, where the National Trust supplied a very generous afternoon tea.  Some of these elderly people are a bit confused:  they mistakenly think that once upon a time the City was accountable to its electorate, that the streets were clean, and green spaces were valued.  If only.
Anyway, they were a great bunch, and by the end of it they were fine, but I was exhausted.

Here are a few observations on recent developments regarding police and thieves….

Aberdeen Police:

I’ve got to say, I usually get good service from our local  police. Two weeks ago some maniac and his grandchildren decided to have a  family outing.  This took the form of going to the mouth of the harbour and setting fire to as many things they could get their hands on – next to a beautiful patch of wildflowers (including orchids).
For some crazy reason, I objected to this, but they were sticking to their right to burn stuff.  The police and fire services somehow saw things my way, and dealt with the situation quickly.  Thanks.

You may recall an Evening Express story about a dog-walker coming across a man in combat fatigues with a gun on Tullos Hill (he must have looked very macho indeed – I am most impressed!).  

The police answered my questions about this very quickly – but in truth they themselves haven’t much information.  I wondered if it wasn’t gull-shooting Mervyn New, enjoying a weekend away from shooting things at his workplace.  Anyway, the Council insist the gunman wasn’t there to blast  (sorry, I mean ‘manage’) our deer just yet.

Exactly how (and indeed why) someone gets permission to run around with shotguns to kill ‘vermin’ (that’s birds and small animals to you and me) is still a mystery to me, but I’m looking into it.

Aberdeenshire Police

If you’ve seen the documentary ‘you’ve been trumped!’, you  might recall a tiny, minor scene in which Anthony Baxter and Richard Phinney are arrested.  Quite right, too. 

They had clearly broken the law and deserved to be arrested, as earlier that day they had gone to speak to the estate managers overseeing the creation of the ‘world’s greatest golf course’ (now taking bookings from £150 a round- see you there!).  

The poor policemen must have been very intimidated by Baxter and Phinney; their aggressive use of words like ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ coupled with their undoubted martial arts skills and video camera would have frightened all but Stallone or Swarzenegger.  As caught on film, in mid sentence the police wisely jumped the pair and thrust them into a squadcar.  Only kind of language these people understand, or so I’m told.

Did they need a SWAT team?  Were MI6 and helicopters called?

My curiosity got the better of me, and I wrote to Aberdeenshire Police to find out more.  How did they usually deal with such dangerous men? How did the arrest come about?  Did they need a SWAT team?  Were MI6 and helicopters called?  

I also asked why their DNA was stored, who decided to give them a caution rather than charge them (which stopped them having their day in court – obviously saving the taxpayer money if doing nothing for justice), and why they weren’t directly told when the charges were eventually dropped? 

The shire police told me  the answers are exempt from disclosure as:

“the requested information relates to the alleged commission of a criminal offence by two identifiable individuals.  Such information is classed as sensitive personal information under the Data Protection Act 1998.”

You might think the police would want to explain the thinking behind arresting two journalists on the say-so of a rich landowner’s hired help.  You might think it possible for Grampian’s finest to explain the rationale behind the arrests without leaking any personal details (after all, it’s all on film anyway).  But you’d be wrong.

I’d also asked police what their policy is for policing the Menie Estate (which if you look at the film seems to have more cops cruising it than you’d see on Miami Vice).  This is what they said:-

“…in Spring 2009, following the announcement of a number of strategic economic and infrastructure developments, Grampian Police established a short life Critical Incident Preparation Group (CIPG) with a remit to coordinate the prepared phase of ‘critical incidents”  (Note:  if someone can explain this to me, please get in touch).

“From this, a generic, local strategy, relevant to Menie Estate and other similar developments was developed.  This has been determined as; Maximise safety; minimise disruption; facilitate lawful protest; deter, detect, detain and report those responsible for unlawful behaviour.”  

(Again, can someone help me make sense of this?  Thanks!)

For openers’ it’s great the safety and disruption of the existing residents has been so well handled! (There have been lawful, peaceful protests, so no complaints there).

However, I’m thinking about this ‘deter, detect, detain’ business relating to ‘unlawful behaviour.’ How can you deter unlawful behaviour before it happens without undermining freedom?  Answers on a postcard, thanks.  I’ll put the kettle on.

Note:

– if you happen to see Anthony ‘Big Tony’ Baxter or Richard ‘Baby Face’ Phinney, just call the police.  Do not approach these men, as they are armed with numerous International documentary awards.

A United Scotland Police Force?:

Regarding the fire I reported; the police had to call me back and I described where the generational arsonists were in detail so they could find them (although the giant plume of smoke was a bit of a giveaway). 

If I’d had to explain to a phone operator in Glasgow which part of Greyhope Road I was on about, the harbour and its remaining vegetation would be ashes.  For many reasons, I am not comfortable with this united police service idea. 

For one thing, it would cost Stewart Milne a much bigger whack to get a sponsorship deal to have his logo on police cars across Scotland.  But we do have to save money and cut corners.  Schools, hospitals, fire, police, services to the old and disabled are so last year.  We need more buildings, statues, roads, car parks and shopping malls.  The Government isn’t a charity you know.

Thieves:

Caution!  There are thieves about.  No, not just the usual people robbing off-licenses and bookies.  Aberdeen City Council has another new campaign, and is very kindly warning us that there are scams doing the rounds.

There are fake lottery prize letters, fake inheritance scams, and so on.  Some scams are small; some are huge.  And here is perhaps the biggest one in the area at present…

In a huge swindle, local businesses are targeted by letter.  They are asked to participate in an ‘Economic Impact Survey’.  This survey is run by people who will stop at nothing to get their own way and seize property .  It is Union Terrace Gardens these mercenaries want – and they want
to get the consumer ultimately to pay for having their own park taken away from them.

Here is how this remarkable swindle works.

First, tell local businesses they were ‘specially chosen’ to be in a survey. Win their confidence and they’ll be eating out of your hand.  The so-called ‘survey’ is about 5 potential options for the city centre.  Get the businesses to agree with you, and agree to hand over Union Terrace Gardens for a building project.  As Edinburgh residents know, city centre projects are a great bet.

But who will ultimately pay for turning the gardens into whatever it is Woody and Stew want?

  your vote against changing the gardens got turned into the opposite vote.

The consumer, of course.  If the business rates are going to rise from their very low, generous current levels, then the retailer/shopkeeper will have to get that extra money from somewhere.

That somewhere is in increased prices to you and me.

Of course there is not one single shred of evidence to prove that changing the gardens (i.e: putting in a car park and ‘cosmopolitan cafe culture’ ) will bring any economic benefits at all.  But with charismatic business people leading the way, the scam seems legitimate to the gullible.

Here’s one catch:  the survey results will be completely confidential: only the people who want the gardens turned into something other than what they are will ever see the results!  And obviously the survey is only for businesses – we can’t have the average person involved in this deal, can we?

You may recall a related scam some months back.  The public were allowed to vote on changing the gardens or not.  If you voted online, there was a tiny glitch (an accident?) wherein your vote against changing the gardens got turned into the opposite vote. Result!  Obviously the results of this new survey – to be seen only by the committee who want to change the gardens – will have no such glitch and will be completely above board.

Theft prevention:

Thankfully, one of our elected officials is on the case to make sure you and I aren’t ‘ripped off’.  

In the course of the City Council’s debate over the Union Terrace Gardens referendum earlier this week, one brave man stood up and said the referendum might cost a quarter of a million pounds.  He argued that the taxpayer should not have to shell out for this.  What a champion!  After all, we have statues, portraits of the Lord Provost, ‘civic cars’, Lord Provost clothing allowances and so forth that we need to pay for.

If only John Stewart – for it was he – had been able to stand up when our tax money went to paying for the initial consultation.  This consultation included an expensive colour brochure on heavy paper which clearly showed a giant concrete square with one or two trees in pots.  This was why some people misunderstood the initial consultation and thought it was going to deliver a giant concrete square with one or two trees in pots.

Never mind, John’s on the case now and will save us money.  I suggest we watch him crusade in the coming months to safeguard our city’s budget.

Next week – more of the same and a report from the Periurban  Conference.

Jul 212011
 

Old Susannah looks back at the week that was and wonders who’s up to what and why.  By Suzanne Kelly.

The Belmont Cinema’s screening the documentary ‘Just Do It’on Friday 12 August, and has asked me to come along for a discussion. It’s a film about people taking direct action against an unlistening, unmovable government and wealthy, powerful private entities, so it won’t be of much interest to the people of Aberdeen.

I guess they want someone to come along and stick up for the City and its rich business interests, and the Belmont thought of me. If you can make it, it will be at 6.30. Further details to follow.

The dodgy doings in Aberdeen are slightly outshone this week by the continuing twists and turns in the News Corp / News of the World saga.  One initial whistle-blower Sean Hoare was mysteriously found dead (‘nothing suspicious’ the police advised almost immediately. A Post Mortem will no doubt confirm this assessment).  

People are walking around Parliament with shaving-cream pies unchallenged by our crack security forces, Rupert knows nothing about anything, and Rebekah Brooks deserves an Oscar.

While I commend Private Eye Magazine for its coverage (only going back to 1969 or so) of Murdoch and his bid for world dominance at any cost, I cannot tell you how disappointed I am that it has chosen to criticise our fair city in the same issue. 

The Eye implies that something was wrong with the City Garden Monitoring Group’s  ‘redacting’ (that’s blacking bits out to you and me) its minutes and reports.  Undoubtedly,  this was only done after careful thought and for reasons of national security.  I therefore hope no one is planning to buy Private Eye No. 1293 (on newsstands now, £1.50, subscription deals available).

I certainly hope no one will be reading its ‘Nooks and Corners’ feature (page 17) where our city’s elected officials are criticised.  There is also a piece in this issue entitled ‘Orwellian Nightmare’ – but as it happens, this is not about Aberdeen after all.

Not only are the redacted minutes mentioned in The Eye, but also Mike Shepherd’s open letter to the City regarding Union Terrace Gardens is covered.  Mike  if you’re out there:– just because the City doesn’t know what’s going to go in the Gardens, or how much it will cost, or what the environmental impact will be, or where the money will come from, or what the external design people are going to do does not necessarily mean the City doesn’t know what it’s doing.

Let’s hope Private Eye stops peering into our City – how else are they getting their information?

fantastic news that we’ve decided to hire some external consultants to figure out our City’s small financial problems  

It’s not as if anyone here would be so bold as to contact the Eye (strobes@private-eye.co.uk) and give information – particularly now that the Council has sent letters warning staff not to tell anyone anything about anything ever in any form.  I would hate to think of any secrets getting out.  Not that there are any secrets of course.

This week I wanted to take another look at how much our City is spending on essentials (like portraits, parties, clothing allowances, consultants, expenses and so on).  My curiosity sprang from the fantastic news that we’ve decided to hire some external consultants to figure out our City’s small financial problems.

The vote to hire these consultants may have been taken without any meaningful consultation, and these consultants will cost some £500,000 or more (that’s about £2 quid from each of us).  But I somehow feel we’re breaking new ground here by using outside consultants (although I seem to remember when Kate Dean was in charge, and she had absolutely no idea how many millions were spent on consultants).

It will be great having experts on hand – obviously we don’t have any in the City given the small salaries we pay our top people.  I’m sure the unions  will come around to the City’s way of thinking about consultants and cuts, even if a few jobs may wind up axed.   As a reminder, the City collected hundreds of suggestions from its own staff as to  how to save money some time ago.

The City will be sharing these suggestions with the consultants (you can refer to them as ‘con men’ for short), and I’ll bet that staff whose ideas are taken up will be financially compensated as well as credited for their ideas.  It’s not as if consultants would do anything lazy like take the good ideas on board and pass them off as their own ideas – that’s never going to happen.

I guess this will be a really tough assignment for the consultants – let’s wish them luck and not be surprised if they go a wee bit over budget. Expect some vibrant and dynamic bills to pay for these as-yet unnamed consultants who (I bet) will tell us to outsource services.  “What do you mean by  ‘outsourcing’?” I hear you say.

Outsource:

(verb, mod English – to move services from public sector control to the private sector).

So Aberdeen’s voted to bring in private consultants who will evaluate if services should be made private.  It will all be fine.  There is just one funny coincidence when cities outsource services at consultant’s recommendations – the consultants usually pick up more business for helping to  implement the outsourcing.  It is almost as if the consultants have some kind of incentive to recommend outsourcing.

In the health sector for instance, lots of dosh can be saved

Unkind people think consultants are self-interested greedy unaccountable entities, but nothing could be farther from the truth.  Remember, the City is  there to make money, not to waste tax money on good services and keeping our environment healthy.

We know from experience in the UK that outsourcing services such as healthcare is always a money-saving way to get better services in the end.  Local governments stop directly running services with its own staff, and then private service providers and subcontractors take over the service in question using the cheapest labour available.

Even though private companies exist to make a profit and the taxpayer still has to pay for the services (which almost always cost more when the private sector runs things), then at least the services are off the local authority’s books.  Which is a good thing.

In the health sector for instance, lots of dosh can be saved.  So what if our hospitals have crumbled, corners have been cut to make money at every turn, infections run rampant, and good nurses are leaving the profession in droves.  The private consultants still make money.   It’s not as if there have been any scandals, tales of incompetence or abuse of vulnerable people when the private sector takes over.

Usually a local authority puts one or two of its best people on the board of service providers and health boards to ensure perfection is achieved.  Grampian Health has Kate Dean for instance.  Southern Cross is a shining example of what we can expect in the ‘Deen should we keep outsourcing.

Civic Car

(noun peculiar to Aberdeen – a ride for dignitaries which has been well and truly ‘pimped,’ just in case royalty should come to town for a day or two ever).

I am getting far too excited by the prospect of the unveiling of the Lord Provost’s portrait.  I started to wonder how the Lord and his Lady (and the security guard) get around town.  I had hoped it was in a pumpkin-shaped horse-drawn coach.

At one point the horrific suggestion was made that the Civic Car should be a second-hand affair! 

Do they get around of their own accord?  Perhaps by a Honda Accord?  No, not an Accord, but a Civic.  No, not a Honda Civic – but The Civic Car.   (By the way our LP was spotted in Kingswells yesterday morning in some sort of football mum’s 4×4 near a grass verge with 3 other men – but a man like him needs more bling than that).

The existence of the Civic Car explains another excellent use of our Common Good Fund, and I for one could not be happier.

How much does a Civic Car take per year from our collective  Common Good fund?

Well, in 2009/10, here are the published figures for the upkeep of said Civic:-

Upkeep of Civic Car: budget £ 51,332; at 31 March 2010 £44,749 ‘estimated out turn’ £53,122
(Figures from Aberdeen City Council)

Clearly the salary isn’t enough to attract anyone to the Lord Provost role; it’s only £28k per year.  However, cruising in the Civic car for the Lord Provost alone cost… £23k.  In these days of economising, I’m glad to see standards haven’t fallen.  At one point the horrific suggestion was made that the Civic Car should be a second-hand affair!

Thankfully, there was no way they could find a second-hand car grand enough for the job, as you would rightly expect. Here’s why this symbol of Aberdeen’s status is more important than your local school, hospital, or service:-

“The level of baseline specification for the Civic Car has to give full consideration to the Lord Provost’s role as Lord-Lieutenant. The Lord Provost is Her Majesty’s representative when in Aberdeen. The official ‘Guide to the Role of Lord-Lieutenants’ says that “it is his first and foremost duty to uphold the dignity of the Crown”. The Civic Car is used during Royal Visits and has been used in the past to transport members of the Royal Family as part of these visits to Aberdeen.

“Other duties of the Lord-Lieutenant are to meet visiting Heads of State within Aberdeen, to represent The Queen or a member of the Royal Family at a funeral or memorial service when requested, to make nominations for invitations to Royal Garden Parties, to offer congratulations of 100th birthdays and significant wedding anniversaries, make nominations for honours and awards, presentation of awards and to support and participate in citizenship ceremonies. During the course of discharging some of these responsibilities, use of the Civic Car by the Lord-Lieutenant or his representative will be necessary”.

I confess I once allowed myself to imagine what it would be like to be Lord Provost.  You’d get the necklace.  You’d get the clothing allowance.  You’d even get trips to Edinburgh sometimes.  But having read the above job description, I realise no ordinary person could do all of that, and I now have the respect for this office that it truly deserves.  I hope all you council clerks and office staff realise now how comparatively easy you have it; in fact you might ask yourselves whether you are being overpaid.

And why am I so interested in all the City’s necessary expenditures like parties, flash cars, portraits, statutes, travel abroad and so on?  Because John Stewart is so concerned about such things.  Stewart’s so worried that in a recent vote concerning the future of Union Terrace  Gardens, he put up a motion to ‘change’ the gardens.   Part of his motion reads:-

“…that should the competition fail to produce a design acceptable to the Council, officers prepare a report for members detailing the costs of maintaining and enhancing the existing gardens”.

 Before we have our very own Lord Provost going about in a second-hand  ‘Beamer,’ it would be far smarter to see what those pesky gardens are costing us in petunias and rose bushes.

And quite right.  Before we have our very own Lord Provost going about in a second-hand ‘Beamer,’ it would be far smarter to see what those pesky gardens are costing us in petunias and rose bushes.  (from the looks of things, we have more than enough free fertiliser in the area).  As John famously said, there’s not much in the gardens but grass.

Who’s footing the bill for all this grass?  Why isn’t it turning a profit?  What can we do to stop this wasteful expense so we can have more to spend on consultants, pictures and parties?  Is there a consultant in the house?

In some 9 months you will be asked to vote for councillors; some of whom think they stand a good chance of getting re-elected.  These self-sacrificing souls will be happy to hear that Old Susannah will be creating a little matrix of how they’ve voted and what they’ve done (ie kerb-crawling,  misappropriation of public funds, and pub slap-ups).

For openers, here are the names of those who agree with John Stewart that we should get a report on the massive costs of keeping UTG going and all that grass growing:

For the amendment by Councillor John Stewart (23) – Lord Provost Peter Stephen (note – it’s great that our Civic Car man and artist’s model wants to save money by cutting out the gardens!) ; Depute Provost Dunbar; and Councillors Corall, Cormack, Cormie, Dean, Donnelly, Fletcher, Jaffrey, Kiddie, Leslie, McCaig, McDonald, Malone, May, Milne, Noble, Robertson, John Stewart, Kevin Stewart, John West, Wisely and Yuill.

I’m going to have to leave it there for now.  Between thinking about deer, Union Terrace Gardens, consultants, portraits and civic cars I’m starting to feel a little nauseous again (I was sick the past 4  days with a nasty stomach bug which I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemies. Would I?).

Coming soon A look at our local government and quango Boards, and hopefully overdue news on my Freedom of Information Requests.

Jul 152011
 

Old Susannah looks back at the week that was and wonders who’s up to what and why.  By Suzanne Kelly.

 

 Tally Ho! First some good news this week: In a speech to graduating students, our very own Sir Ian Wood has said ‘his generation’ is responsible for many problems that the next generation will inherit. I suppose everyone who is in the great collective of people of his age have had equal power to improve the world as this particular billionaire oil magnate has.
Never before have so few done so much to get rid of a Victorian  Garden.  Fifty Million pounds – of his  own money –pledged to building a parking lot with a bit of grass over it,  conveniently adjacent to his friend Stew’s plot of land.

Could there be any better use for that kind  of money?

I wonder how much of the  remainder of his fortune will be used for the current African drought/famine crisis, to counteract poverty in the UK, to improve care for the elderly, to  buy jewellery for attractive statuesque blondes. I hope everyone in Ian’s  generation is sitting up and taking notice.  It’s your fault – one of the richest men in your age bracket says so.

However, it is with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes that I must report that the News of the World has closed and the Murdoch takeover of  BskyB is off.  I have been crying over my pints of Brewdog for the last few days, so much so that people have mistakenly think I am laughing so hard I’m crying.

This must be quite a blow for Rup; at least he has his loving young wife Wendy and friend Tony Blair to comfort him (Tony and Rupert spoke quite a bit just before the UK joined in the Iraq takeover – sorry Iraq War).  That nice Rebekah Brooks was photographed while being drive away from NotW HQ in a rain-spattered car; it reminded me of the photo of Maggie Thatcher tearfully leaving No. 10 – which also made me very sad indeed.  Cheers!

They said he was ‘no oil painting’, but this has now been disproved.

Bad news close to home as well – one of our Labour Councillors is having a hard time over a dodgy old boiler (no, not you Kate). Councillor Hunter allegedly doesn’t have the correct credentials to fix gas boilers, which is rather unfortunate for someone who works fixing gas boilers.

The P&J had a splendid photo of Richard Baker, Labour MSP for the story it printed about Hunter. The picture of Baker’s caption had a scoop-of-the-year quote: “I know the man” Baker said.  I take back everything I’d ever said about the Press & Journal now that they’ve uncovered local Labour politicians are known to each other.  We should tell the authorities.

But at this rate I’ll not get on with any definitions, so here we go:

Public Spending:

(modern English phrase) Governmental use of funds to procure benefits, goods or services which may be of temporary or lasting significance, generally for the benefit of the public at large.  See also Common Good fund, applicable in parts of Scotland.

There is more trouble in Paradise this week, I am sorry to say.  Sadly, some people are being rather negative about our very own Lord Provost having his portrait commissioned.  They said he was ‘no oil painting’, but this has now been disproved.  This fantastic event will be justly commemorated with a joyous celebration, courtesy of The Common Good Fund.

What could be more reasonable?  The portrait cost £9,000 (I guess we could not find any RGU graduates in need of a commission), and hopefully the Chain of Office in the painting will have been gold-leafed on by Italian craftsmen flown over for the purpose.   I so look forward to attending this party!

I shall buy a new hat.  I’m thinking of getting my own portrait done, and may well pop out to one of those photo canvas printing places in Union Square Mall or similar for the £39.95 photo on canvas.

After all, it’s Common Good money paying for the  whole event – so I am taking this opportunity to tell everyone who pays taxes in Aberdeen to show up at the party.  If the Council has any objection to us all enjoying the party we’re paying for, I invite them to get in touch with me.

From my point of view the portrait and party represent all the best of public spending:  not only do we get a great party for our important citizens, but all of us will have a lasting reminder of the Lord Provost and all he has done for us.  In a previous column I complained that our City Councillors no longer had the taxpayer paying for their beautiful photo Christmas cards – this expenditure more than makes up for my disappointment.  I may suggest we do a statue as well; they are all the rage at present.

You would have thought with everything the LP (as his friend calls him) has done for Stewy and Ian, they would have clubbed together to pay for the bling portrait

Early rumours that a protest march will coincide with this monumental event are very disappointing.

I would hate to see marchers carrying pictures of our Lord Provost down Union Street on the day and/or holding a parallel party at some suitable venue.  If I’ve been spotted buying paint, brushes and sign-making material, it is purely coincidental.

The cost of outfitting our Lord Provost and his wife for a year … £10,000

The cost of a portrait of our Lord Provost … £9,000

The cost of a party to celebrate the portrait … £4,000

The cost of a blonde woman to guard said Provost and his bling necklace …  unknown

The cost of the Lord Provost casting the crucial tie-breaking vote that opened the floodgates on developing Union Terrace Gardens: PRICELESS

You would have thought with everything the LP (as his friend calls him) has done for Stewy and Ian, they would have clubbed together to pay for the bling portrait.  After all, one good turn deserves another, and what are friends for?

Whistleblower:

(modern English noun) a person who is aware of public or private sector corruption, malpractice or unlawful act(s) who comes forward to expose it.

Private Eye’s current issue has an excellent work concerning NHS whistleblowers and how badly they have been treated – and how vital their whistleblowing has been.  If you get the chance, please do pick it up.

Here in Aberdeen obviously there is nothing going on in government which needs any exposure.  All invoices are always above board, every councillor declares their interest in advance of any relevant vote, land deals are always done to get best market value, and everything’s just rosy.

As I touched on last week, the City has written to its employees to warn them not to use ‘social networking websites’ to make any comment about their managers or the Council.  Many of you have sent me copies of your letters – after all the letters are not marked ‘confidential’ – so why not? You have been wondering what is or is not appropriate to post on websites or ‘disclosing in any medium’.  Here’s the Council’s sage advice from those letters (asterisks are mine):-

“to clarify what is regarded as unacceptable*, so there is no doubt about what is being referred to, would include:

“Publishing defamatory or generally unacceptable* comments, views or information about the Council, its employees, clients or customers (including school pupils) in any medium including social networking sites;

“Publishing any photographs of clients or customers in any medium including social networking sites without first obtaining formal permission;

“Breaching confidentiality by disclosing  information relating to the Council in any medium, including social networking sites, to persons not authorised to possess it”.

*Old Susannah is no lawyer, but if you’re going to set out to define what’s ‘unacceptable’ and you use the word ‘unacceptable’ in your first point, you’re not doing a great job. In fact, I’d say it’s ‘unacceptable.’

Again, I’m no lawyer, but it might have been a good idea to mention in these great letters that there is legislation protecting whistleblowers.  It doesn’t often protect these people as well as it should, as the Private Eye Whistleblower article points out.

However, if you know of something going on that is wrong, then you should forget all about it because you fear the City’s ‘discipline’ procedure which is mentioned later in the letters. I did not read all of the City’s whistleblower policy – but here is a taster of that policy:-

“…The policy allows individuals to voice their concerns in relation to information they believe shows serious malpractice or wrongdoing within Aberdeen City Council.   It allows for this information to be disclosed internally* without fear of reprisal and independently of their line management if appropriate.  The Public Interest Disclosure Act (1999) gives legal protection to individuals against being dismissed or penalised by their employers as a result of publicly* disclosing certain serious concerns.”

*Once again Old Susannah is not a lawyer, but on the one hand the City says you can disclose information internally – the act says you can publicly disclose serious concerns.  Back to that Council  letter :-

“…if you make comment on your employment/employer via social networking sites or by other electronic means and this is brought to the attention of management you will be held to account for those comments.  Such behaviour will be viewed as contrary to the Council’s Employee Code of Conduct, which is being updated to reflect this issue and will be dealt with under the Managing Discipline procedure.”

I hope everyone who got a letter is suitably frightened.

So to clarify:  in the larger world of the UK, it is acknowledged that there are times when public disclosure is allowable.  Here in Aberdeen you have the right to complain internally, and if you go public with something, you will be…disciplined.  I’m very glad to have cleared that up. It is just as well nothing ever goes wrong or is untoward in our city.

But if you are one of the lucky letter-holders, you might want to brush up on the Public Disclosure Act – just in case you ever find something in our City is not quite as it should be.  (Call me; we’ll talk).  Obviously no one would ever make an anonymous Facebook page or blog (whatever that is) and air their grievances anonymously.

Finally, just as proof there are plenty of good news stories out there, not only does the Aberdeen Voice bring them to you, but one of the Voice’s contributors has a rather nice blog.

I guess this blog thing is a ‘social network’ thingy that has the City so very worried.  This ‘rxpell’ chap and I often seem to be along similar lines – he’s written things in the past just before I planned to, and has made a nice job of it.  (Unfortunately he does tend to veer towards sarcasm and cynicism sometimes – which of course I cannot really approve of).  The clues to the blog’s content are in the link below:
http://rxpell.wordpress.com/2011/07/11/blundergate-boilergate-briefgate-buffetgate/

Now off to buy that new outfit and hat for the portrait demonstration – sorry, I mean portrait unveiling.

Next week:  probably: still no progress on FOI requests on land deals or deer.  Hopefully: Aberdeen Voice art competition announcement.  Definitely:  more definitions

Oct 012010
 

By Dave Watt.

Ever wonder how a city council of one of the most prosperous regions of Britain contrived to find itself £55 million in debt in 2007? Aberdeen Voice – courtesy of its home made time machine fearlessly delves into the newspapers of the past/future and brings you those stories that never quite made the front pages.

14th April 1746Council Defends Investing This Year’s Entire Pauper’s Budget in a civic reception for Bonnie Prince Charlie.

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Amidst an outcry from distressed Aberdeen Citizens Lord Provost Erasmus Stephen defended the council’s decision of spending the annual Pauper’s Fund on a Banquet for Bonnie Prince Charlie and his court. Lord Provost Stephen said that the money was well spent as His Royal Highness’s army would undoubtedly defeat the government forces during tomorrow’s battle at Culloden and that the prince’s gratitude would ensure that the city would be Scotland’s main port for trade with the continent.

Replying to those critics who pointed out that the Duke of Cumberland’s forces had the Jacobite army out numbered two to one and that the Prince had all the tactical awareness of a brain damaged tadpole, the Provost said that he would have actually backed Cumberland’s army but he ‘was afraid that people would laugh at him’.

July 13th 1789Council Delighted With Purchase in French Property Market Boom

Lord Provost Bampfylde Stephen assured Aberdeen citizens that cash spent in acquiring the Bastille in Paris as a hotel in the city centre is money well spent and pointed out that the fortress is in good repair, is on a major trade route and ‘is very handy for the shops’. He said the council expects a large return on their investment next year when crowds will be flocking into Paris for popular monarch Louis XVI’s jubilee.

January 29th 1843Council Invests Yearly Budget on Oak Plantation for Shipbuilding Futures

Provost Diggory Stephen says future of wooden ships are the way to go and dismisses hare brained schemes for iron ships. Council passed motion of censure on local shipbuilders AJ Hall and J Lewis for being led astray by crackpot inventors like Isambard Kingdom Brunel and derided the ludicrous notion that iron ships can float on water.

December 27th 1879Council Denies Financial Outlay in Railway Stock is Rash Move

The city council, fresh from their Yuletide festivities, were involved in an unseemly disturbance this morning as hundreds of outraged citizens objected to the 1880 Fund for Widows and Orphans being invested in the North British Railway Company. Lord Provost Siegfried Stephen, however, dismissed the complaint saying that there were only a few troublemaking protestors and that the money invested was as safe as Sir Thomas Bouch’s railway bridge over the Tay – recently built for the North British Railway Company.

October 28th 1929“We’re In The Money”, says Lord Provost

Council leader says ‘Happy days are here again’ as investing of entire Social Welfare Fund floats huge share portfolio on Wall Street. Lord Provost Rufus T. Firefly Stephen lit a huge cigar as he told assembled journalists this morning that the city’s financial future was assured now that Aberdeen’s wealth was there up on the big board on Wall Street. He dismissed complaints from impoverished citizens as being  the work of a few disgruntled Bolsheviks and malcontents.

Jan 3rd 1972Oil Finds off Aberdeen ‘Just Pie In The Sky’ says Provost

Consequently the city had been on the edge of total bankruptcy with only twenty thousand pounds left in the kitty

Aberdeen’s Provost Hiram J Stephen yesterday dismissed the notion of the city becoming a centre for the oil industry in the North Sea and assured citizens that rumours of large oil finds off the Scottish coast were ‘just so much moonshine’.

In addition, he congratulated the council on its perspicacious decision to invest the Community Welfare Budget on potato recycling. ‘There are vast deposits of tatties in the Grampian Region just waiting to be turned into fossil fuels’ he said.

And now – back to the future…..

September 30th 2020Granite City Saved from Destitution At Last Minute

Aberdeen Provost, head honcho and big enchilada, John Moonchild Fifi Trixibelle Stephen III and his ruling junta gave a collective sigh of relief as he announced that the apparently doomed city had saved by a last minute financial deal. To the angry and increasingly desperate crowds outside the Town House he declared that despite the concreting over of Union Terrace Gardens, the Duthie Park, and the construction of a golf course on the site of Aberdeen Royal Infirmary, visitors to the Granite City just hadn’t appeared in the hoped for numbers. Consequently the city had been on the edge of total bankruptcy with only twenty thousand pounds left in the kitty. Fortunately, however, he had that very morning received an e-mail from a multi-millionaire in Nigeria who wished to clear all his vast funds through a bank in the UK and only needed all of the city’s bank details whereupon which he would immediately send the city fifty percent of his account. Provost Stephen stated that our future was therefore assured…..

Jul 302010
 

Aberdeen Voice’s Old Susannah opens her heart and her dictionary to define these tricky terms.

Consultation: to ask members of the public what they want, then to tell them what you had already decided they are going to get. Expensive brochures and infallible experts are used to steer people towards the desired conclusion during the consultation process. If the citizenry somehow does not come to the correct conclusion, it can later be told that it did not actually understand the consultation. Continue reading »