Scoundrels and Scallywags Tour Of Aberdeen

 Aberdeen City, Articles, Community, Featured, Information, Opinion  No Responses »
Oct 212011
 

Joshua Upton reports on a special tour run by Aberdeen against Austerity.

scoundrelspic
Scandalous! Outrageous! Unbelievable!

Just some of the cries that shook Aberdeen on Saturday, the day of Global Revolution.

Well, when I say shook, I mean lightly rattled. And when I say the whole of Aberdeen, I mean the staff of Topshop Union Street Branch.

But while not the PR coup Aberdeen Against Austerity may have been hoping for, their actions on Saturday 15th October certainly turned a large number of heads. Well, when I say a large number…

Back to the beginning. While cars burn, banks are attacked and protests bring hundreds of entire cities to a halt in 82 countries world wide, Apathetic Aberdeen had its own version of the Global Revolution – A guided tour of Union Street.

‘A guided tour of Union Street?’ I hear you say, ‘Hardly worth mention’. Ah, but this was a special tour, run by those rabble-rousers at Aberdeen Against Austerity. Instead of showing the hidden beauty of Aberdeen, the Scoundrels and Scallywags tour of Aberdeen was dedicated to revealing the underbelly of corporate Aberdeen, and aimed to highlight tax avoidance and other nefarious deeds by Aberdeen’s financial elite.

The tour began outside the St. Nicholas centre, with the initial target on the hit list being M & S.

Yes, M & S. The true good food we all know and love is not as good as we thought. A whole 19.08% of companies owned by the Marks and Spencer Group are located in tax havens.

What’s more, workers in an Indian Marks and Spencer Group factory were getting paid as little a 26p per hour to make M & S clothes in 2010, well below international standards. This opening salvo of information turned a few heads outside, and some stopped to listen to the tour, however most people’s attention was soaked up by the band playing a few metres away.

This leg of the tour caused a bit of a fuss, with the tour being expelled from the building and the police being called

Stop number two was an obvious one to say the least, Topshop. It is part of the Arcadia Group, which also owns Topman, BHS, Burton and Dorothy Perkins, to name but a few. The Group is run and administered by CEO Sir Philip Green, but is owned by his wife and sole shareholder, Tina Green.

As Tina is a resident of Monaco, Tina and Philip are able to minimize UK tax through this tax avoidance scheme. This leg of the tour caused a bit of a fuss, with the tour being expelled from the building and the police being called, but we’ll get to that later.

Crossing back across the street, the tour arrived at RBS Union Street Branch.

The Taxpayer’s generous donation of 24 billion to the banks in the form of bailout money was mentioned – which equates to £400 from every man, woman and child in the country. And then the issue of RBS’ £25 billion tax avoidance schemes was raised. But then again, they are bankers, so not much of that should really come as a surprise, and no passers-by seemed surprised either.

Numero cuatro on the tour was Vodaphone, the scoundrels who have spent the last decade fighting doggedly  to avoid paying tax, with the sum so far coming up to 6 billion in unpaid tax. But Mr Osborne is a nice guy, and so let them off with not paying ANY of their unpaid tax.

In fact, he’s SO nice that he decided to give Vodaphone a few of the top jobs as governmental advisors. Can you guess which department? That’s right, In tax.

The next stop was by far the most eventful part of the tour. First, while walking to the Barclays branch on Union Street, it was noticed that someone was following the group, which it was then noted was the security guard from Topshop.

It seems he had become a vigilante in the last 15 minutes and decided to ‘protect’ the whole of Union Street from this band of roving ‘Anarchists’; truly he is a hero of Aberdeen, although he eventually got bored and started talking to the security in HMV.

But yet more eventfulness occurred during the talk on Barclays (who, as well as being bankers – an instant sign of being a Scallywag – Barclays have a particularly nasty portfolio that includes both food speculation and a £7.3 billion investment in the arms trade sector, the largest global share) when, you guessed it again, the po-po turned up.  Forgive the terminology, I don’t usually belittle the police, most just do their jobs, but what happened here can only really be called harassment.

Watch out Hidden Aberdeen Tours, you may soon find yourselves blacklisted as enemies of the state.  

While discussing the evils committed by Barclays, three police officers approached the group, apparently Topshop had lodged a complaint that the tour was being a nuisance, quite a feat seeing as the group was now about two hundred metres away.

The officers repeatedly asked for information and details from members of the group, which was refused each and every time, as they had no right to ask. They kept asking who was in charge, to which it was explained that no one was. And they kept referring to the tour as a protest.

Watch out Hidden Aberdeen Tours, you may soon find yourselves blacklisted as enemies of the state.

After the conclusion of the Barclays talk, and the departure of the police officers, the tour continued on its final leg with two concluding pieces on Union Terrace Gardens, Sir Ian Wood, and the mischievous dealings of Woodgroup PLC, mainly along the lines of tax avoidance (although not confirmed, it is believed that 26% of his companies are located in tax havens and he has skimped on paying his employer National Insurance contributions) and the false generosity of Sir Wood’s £50 million to the Union Terrance Gardens Refurbishment.

Seeing as he already owes that money to the government in taxes, its not really a gift. It’s like giving an old lady £20 after you assault and mug her of the same £20 the week before.

In all, while the Scoundrels and Scallywags tour of Aberdeen may not have had the same impact of the Rome protests, and it may not be as daring as the current Wall Street and St Paul’s occupations, it was an important step for Aberdeen.

People’s attention is being grabbed by the imaginative campaigns being carried out by Aberdeen Against Austerity, local doers of corporate evil are becoming more concerned about popular opposition, and it was one of the best attended actions to date.

The Illusion Of Choice In Aberdeen

 Aberdeen City, Articles, Community, Featured, Information, Opinion  No Responses »
Oct 212011
 

Last week Chicho Sanchez  spent a few days analysing the data from the recently published report on tax havens by ActionAid UK. Here he shares his findings with Voice readers.

whitelightpic
The figures, published in the Guardian, show that 98% of the FTSE100 have subsidiary companies in tax havens.

While this is not illegal and is not directly an admission of tax avoidance, it gives us a glimpse behind the thick curtain of big business and has confirmed to many their suspicions about multi-national corporations.

However, during those few days I began to realise something else…that the claim “Capitalism creates more choice than ever before[1]” is an illusion.

It is an Illusion of Choice.

I began to map out where the FTSE100 were operating in Aberdeen and how often we, as members of the public, come into contact with companies from the index. Parent Companies are in red and in brackets.

Carola is visiting Aberdeen for the weekend.

She arrives on the P&O (Carnival Group) Ferry from the Islands  She is staying at the Premier Inn (Whitbread Plc) on North West Street opposite the Lemon Tree. She had looked at the Holiday Inn (Intercontinental Hotels Group) on Chapel Street but it was full. In the morning, she goes to the centre to via the Bon Accord and St. Nicholas Centres (50% Land Securities Group – 50% British Land plc). She stops in the Bon Accord Centre for a coffee at Costa Coffee (Whitbread Plc) and checks her emails on her (Vodafone) mobile phone using the wi-fi perhaps provided by (BT).

As she strolls through the St. Nicholas centre (50% Land Securities Group – 50% British Land plc) she stops to look at the clothes in the window of Next (Next Group). She leaves and stops in WHSmiths (FTSE250) to buy a Financial Times (Pearson Plc) and a copy of ‘A Tale of Two Cities’ published by Penguin (Pearson Plc) for some bed time reading.

It’s a typical day in Aberdeen. Cold and wet, Carola vows to stay indoors as much as possible. She hears about the new Union Square Shopping Centre (Hammerson Plc) and decides to visit the attraction. There she finds Marks and Spencers (Marks and Spencer Group) selling all manner of goods.  After a while she heads back to Union Street where she withdraws money from the Barclays (Barclays Bank Plc) cash machine on Union Street .

Feeling the beginnings of a head cold coming on she makes her way to Boots where she buys some Nurofen (Reckitt Benckiser), some Strepsils (Reckitt Benckiser), Beechams (Glaxosmithklein) and a bottle of Lucozade (Glaxosmithklein) for energy. She wonders across to Union Terrace Gardens where she meets a group of protesters conducting a tour of the city’s underbelly. She joins the tour and learns of Ian Wood’s (John Wood Group Plc) ‘vision’ for the Gardens. She leaves at the end of the tour and heads back to her warm hotel for a rest. The energy for the hotel might be provided by SSE (formerly Scottish and Southern Energy).

Before bed she has a Grolsch (SabMiller Plc) in the bar and a cigarette containing Golden Virginia Tobacco (Imperial Tobacco) rolled in Rizla papers (Imperial Tobacco). She has a quick shower and washes her hair with the L’Oreal (Bottled by Rexam Plc) shampoo she bought at the Airport and dries herself with a towel perhaps washed in Vanish (Reckitt Benckiser). Feeling clean and happy she hits the hay.

Brenda is a mother who works part time for Tesco (Tesco Plc). She has 4 children and lives in Garthdee. Her Husband George works for (BP) in Dyce. On Tuesday afternoons she goes to Sainsburys (J Sainsburys Plc) next to B&Q (Kingfisher Plc). Her shopping list is as follows –

Food and Drinks

Blue Dragon Stir Fry Sauce (Associated British Foods Plc)
Jordans Cereals (Associated British Foods Plc)
Kingsmill Bread (Associated British Foods Plc)
Ovaltine (Associated British Foods Plc)
Patak’s Curry Sauce (Associated British Foods Plc)
Ryvita (Associated British Foods Plc)
Silver Spoon Sugar (Associated British Foods Plc)
Nambarrie Tea (Associated British Foods Plc)
Guiness (Diageo)
Lagavulin Whisky (Diageo)
Smirnoff Vodka (Diageo)
Blossom Hill Wine (Diageo)
Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream (Unilever)
Vienetta (Unilever)
Hellman’s Mayonnaise (Unilever)
Flora margarine (Unilever)
Knorr Stock Cubes (Unilever)
Marmite (Unilever)
Pot Noodles (Unilever)
Slim Fast (Unilever)
Peperami (Unilever)

Household Goods

Air Wick (Reckitt Benckiser)
CillitBANG (Reckitt Benckiser)
Clearasil (Reckitt Benckiser)
Dettol (Reckitt Benckiser)
Durex (Reckitt Benckiser)
E45 cream (Reckitt Benckiser)
Finish washing powder (Reckitt Benckiser)
Gaviscon (Reckitt Benckiser)
Nurofen (Reckitt Benckiser)
Brylcreem hair product (Unilever)
Dove Soap (Unilever)
Impulse Deodorant (Unilever)
Lynx Deodorant (Unilever)
Radox Bath Soap (Unilever)
Timotei Shampoo (Unilever)
Vaseline (Unilever)

On leaving Sainsburys she stops at the Kiosk to buy George’s magazines. He likes The Economist(50% owned by Pearson Plc) and the New Scientist (Reed Elsevier). She buys their weekly nicotine ration in the form of Lambert and Butler (Imperial Tobacco) and Windsor Blue (Imperial Tobacco) and drives home.

It’s an Illusion.

Whatever is bought in the mainstream world is bought from the FTSE100, the DAX, the Dow Jones, the Nikkei 225 etc…There is no real choice under the current economic system.

This economic system is based on exploitation of humans, ecocide, and perpetual inequality. It is broken and it is time we looked at building a society without private property and hierarchy (not possessions like houses, tools etc. but estates, reservoirs, intellectual property and the like) based on equality, tolerance, justice and participatory democracy.

Attached is a breakdown of the FTSE100 companies present in Aberdeen and the number of Subsidiaries each maintains in tax havens.
https://aberdeenvoice.com/2010/10/companies-present-in-aberdeen-tax-havens/ 

Source – 1 http://listverse.com/2010/12/24/top-10-greatest-benefits-of-capitalism/

Image Credits:
GEOMETRIC RAINBOW PATTERN BACKGROUND 1 WALLPAPER © Nlizer | Dreamstime.com
GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT! © Kirsty Pargeter | Dreamstime.com 

Old Susannah’s Journal No. 36 – Deer, Dosh, Dems And Dumb Dudes

 Aberdeen City, Aberdeenshire, Articles, Community, Creative Writing, Information, Opinion, Satire and Humour  No Responses »
May 202011
 

Voice’s Old Susannah casts her eye over recent events, stories, and terms and phrases familiar as well as freshly ‘spun’, which will be forever etched in the consciousness of the people of Aberdeen and the Northeast.

dictionary
With a tear in my eye I bid farewell to ex councillor Scott Cassie; he’s been sent down for a year.  No, not for the moustache, hair and other crimes against fashion, but for years of borrowing your money and mine at very favourable terms.  Over the years a large (but unknown) sum of or money has disappeared into a black hole and appears to have benefitted Mr Cassie.  As clever as they usually are about money, none of his Lib Dem political party mates knew anything about the missing money, even though it was going on for some 10 years.

My favourite bit of this tale is about an alleged forgery.

It seems someone faked the signature of an ex Garthdee Community Councillor on some accounts involved in the scams. The fact the woman whose signature was seemingly forged was partially blind, over 70, and no longer involved with the council were no barrier to the intelligence of the thief or thieves who thought they’d sign her name.
A year in jail for Cassie – but will there be an investigation leading to others going down? This would probably just be a waste of taxpayer money (and we can’t have that); his lovely wife was cleared of knowing anything at all. Which is obviously true, say her former friends.

It would not be fair to expect our Council to figure out things any faster than they did. After all, there was the £50 million hole in the City’s finances to deal with for one thing. Then more recently we had an enterprising social worker who decided she needed lots of goods for herself, and there is the council employee who has made off with a five-figure sum. Just because the thefts weren’t picked up over the past several years is no reason to think Cassie wasn’t on his own in the crimes.

It was very noble of him to become an independent councillor so as not to tarnish the good name of his former political party – which like everyone else didn’t know anything was going on.  Obviously he had no intention of standing down – there was a street named after him, and all those people who needed his help.  And of course there was the money.  The way he continued to vote on important measures while siphoning funds shows a kind of dedication that few possess.

The fact that he often voted the same way as his former party the Lib Dems wanted just shows he had true conviction back then, just like the conviction he definitely has now. But don’t lose any sleep – we still have enough money to clean buildings and erect statues.   With time off for good behaviour and his great character, he’ll probably be back in his local this time next week.

Justice has come to two other people this week. First fox-hunting golfer Donald Forbes has finally been fined £750 for battering a wild, savage, giant, dangerous fox with a golf club.

As well as looking for a new place to play golf, Forbes might need a new job, since he is clearly rather confused and forgetful. First he told people he’d clubbed the fox. Then he said he didn’t. Then he said he told the fox to leave his golf bag alone but the fox didn’t respond (very rude fox).

Then the fox was transformed in his story into some kind of sabre-toothed tiger giant killer which he thought was going to kill him. Then he might have hit the fox. If he can’t remember whether or not he inflicted the life-threatening beast with life-threatening injuries, perhaps he’s too confused to continue in whatever job he has?

And spare a thought for child-battering Cove apprentice Matthew Brown.

Brown, 20 decided to head-butt a 12 year old boy some months back for daring to wear a Celtic strip in public. Brown will do community service and pay a fine, and is banned from his club. His barrister said that Brown’s actions already had consequences. I’d never realised actions had consequences before this, and have made a note for future reference.

Anyway, time for a quick definition before I get my picnic hamper out for the Tullos Hill picnic this Sunday at 3pm – see you there I hope. We will be trying to see wildflowers and wildlife – or was that wildfires?
https://aberdeenvoice.com/2011/05/tullos-hill-ablaze/

Either way, Tullos Hill provides an iconic, vibrant civic heart in the countryside. However, it would be better if it had walk-on/walk-off access from all sides, and the unsightly Wellington Road were covered over, too. Perhaps we could have a coffee shop and some parking to go with the unwanted 40,000 trees?

We are supposed to think the trees will spell the end for the decades of arson that have flourished on the hill. If nothing else, the trees will spell the end for the orchids, deer and other wildlife that have flourished on the hill. Thank you Ms Malone. And don’t worry – just because you are ramming this tree scheme down everyone’s throat, no one will ever hold you accountable for any future forest fires or the destruction of the creatures which live there now; most of which don’t even pay tax. If the arsonists are at work I’m ready – I’ve bought lots of marshmallows to toast.

Denial

noun 1. A river near de pyramids.
noun 2. a mental state characterised by refusal to accept facts. A childlike inability to accept a particular truth or truths.

Perhaps a few examples of denial will help clarify the word’s meaning. Councillor Aileen Malone is in denial over her scheme to kill a deer for every citizen – sorry – plant a tree for every citizen.   She thinks only a cull will do – and she thinks the trees must be planted.

A few thousand people might be against her; the local community councils are outraged – but she knows best.  She recently told one of the local newspapers the cull would just go ahead and things would quiet down. Sounds like denial to Old Susannah. I was there at the Committee meeting trying to speak; so was a representative of Nigg Community Council.

HoMalone led the refusal to allow speakers to address the committee; she reminded me of a child putting its hands over its ears and singing when being told something it didn’t like. Malone told the press that the committee:

“…hopes we can now get on with the scheme to plant a tree for every citizen, which we are desperate to do.”

She may be a desperate creature indeed, but who exactly is really, really desperate to plant these trees? Is anyone in St Nicholas House just as desperate say to improve the schools, services, roads, care homes, run-down properties which this city has in spades? Apparently not. Malone’s got her mantra ‘a tree for every citizen’ and nothing will stop it – not common sense, not fair play, not democracy, not openness, not arsonists, and certainly not community councils or deer. Got to admire her strength of will if not strength of character.

Another textbook example of denial comes from me, I am sorry to say.

The PR team backing the Malcolm Read Union Terrace Gardens scheme wants me to admit that they are right and the Friends of Union Terrace Gardens and I are wrong – well, about everything. I wrote to a Ms Zoe Corsi for information – I wrongly believed the majority wanted the gardens left alone, and I expressed concern over wildlife, and how Peacock had been treated.

She wrote back to correct my obvious error over the popularity of plans to raise the gardens.

It must be denial on my part, because I thought the majority of people in Aberdeen wanted the gardens left alone. Obviously such people just aren’t clever enough to see how wonderful a shopping mall, international cafe and car parking will be – probably because we have no experience of these treasures. I even think the whole scheme is just a land-grab by the rich of a city centre real estate opportunity, so obviously my judgment is well off.

Anyway, I thought that since over 700 people objected to changing UTG in the recent local plan consultation (ugh – that word ‘consultation’ again) and less than 10 people wrote in wanting the gardens filled in that this indicated some kind of majority against the scheme. I also thought the initial consultation was flawed – but it still showed people want the gardens to stay as they are. Ms Corsi’s attempt to straighten my flawed thinking out includes the following:-

“Firstly, it is incorrect to say that the majority of Aberdeen residents want the gardens left as they are. We are aware that friends of Union Terrace Gardens want to retain the gardens in their current form but we are also aware of the widespread support for the project.

“The consultation carried out in early 2009 revealed that just under 50% of the 11,000 who participated – less than 10% of the population – were very much for the project and of those who were opposed to it, largely based on erroneous information, the majority indicated they wanted change and felt the gardens were inaccessible and under-used”

You see – my understanding is ‘erroneous information’, and her information is correct. For those of you who like me think the gardens should stay as they are – accept it: we are wrong, and we are in denial. Should I send her an apology?

Quiz results:- ( from last week )

Question 1: Billionaire Sir Ian Wood had his photo in the Evening Express this week on the occasion of having been put on the UK’s rich list.  He posed in front of a verdant green background ablaze with red flowers, against a dramatic Aberdeen city centre skyline.  Where was this eyesore, and what should become of it?

Answer: the eyesore Wood was in front of Union Terrace Gardens.  He may need some cosmetic work done – but the gardens should be left alone.

Question 2: Match the cartoon character in Aberdeen with their fictional counterpart
Reasons of space prevent me from giving the answers – which you all got right anyway.

Question 3: What percentage of £50,000,000 (the sum Sir Ian promises for his Union Terrace Garden parking lot) would £225,000 (the sum demanded not to shoot the Tullos Hill Roe deer) represent?

Answer: d.  0.5% (approx)

At the time of writing, none of our altruistic millionaires or billionaires have done anything to help.  One is probably busy putting most of his employees offshore to avoid paying UK tax, and the other notable figure that springs to mind is busy on a court case where he is seemingly trying to pay money to Aberdeen City over a land deal.

Question 4: Which is an endangered species:  The Tullos Hill Roe Deer or the Liberal Democrats, which were so badly wounded in the recent election.  Deer, Dems – or both?

Answer: The Roe Deer at least  have thousands of people who want to help them – the LibDems certainly have nothing like that.  We may see the end of this species yet.

Question 5:

(a) Tiebreaker (answer question of your choice):  How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answers included:

‘that’s not funny’,

‘we don’t have enough money to change any lightbulbs’,

‘depends what David Cameron says’ – and a few other answers which are not fit for publication – but are very funny indeed.

(b) Why did the LibDem cross the road?

Answers included:

‘they were just moving to the right’,

‘they saw a mob of taxpayers and legged it’ – and again other responses not fit for a family publication.

 

The winner of the competition has asked to remain anonymous – they are connected to the Council, and reading the Aberdeen Voice is a no-no.  But our Brewdog appointment is set.

Next week:  more definitions and some updates…

 

Fundraising Bike Ride To Raise Awareness About The Cuts

 Articles, Charity, Community, Events, Featured, Information  No Responses »
May 052011
 

With Thanks to Mark Chapman.

brighton
An 840 mile solo bike ride to raise awareness of the forthcoming public services cuts starts on 6 May 2011.  The route will be from Peterhead to Brighton (8 days of cycling with 1 rest day), going via various public service departments. Mark Chapman, Public and Commercial Services Union (PCS) Aberdeen and Inverness Revenue and Customs Branch President, will be undertaking this challenging solo bike ride to raise funds for three causes as well as to highlight the unnecessary cuts that are being made across the UK.

Mark will start his ride from outside of the now closed Peterhead tax office (which once employed over 20 local people) on Seagate at 8am on Friday 6 May.  On day one Chapman will call at the new Peterhead HMRC location (which now employs just one person), the Aberdeen HMRC office at around 11am, and will finish this first day in Stonehaven.

The rest of his ride itinerary is set out as follows –

Day 2 – Stonehaven to Perth (calling at Dundee tax office and call centre, and Perth tax office).

Day 3 – Perth to Hawick (calling at Cowdenbeath DWP, Galashiels and Hawick tax offices).

Day 4 – Hawick to Darlington (calling at Hexham, Bishop Auckland and Darlington tax offices).

Day 5 – Darlington to Chesterfield (calling at Catterick MOD, Skipton, Halifax and Chesterfield tax offices).

Day 6 – Rest day in Chesterfield (Mark will be meeting with the local Crown Prosecution Service PCS branch members to address a members meeting).

Day 7 – Chesterfield to Shipston on Stour (calling at Alfreton DWP and tax office and East Midlands Airport to meet PCS members working for the UK Borders Agency).

Day 8 – Shipston on Stour to Salisbury (calling at Newbury tax office, Andover tax office where Mark will be met by the local trades union council, M S Society reps and PCS members, and Salisbury tax office).

Day 9 – Salisbury to Brighton (Mark will be welcomed into Brighton at the pier at the end of his ride by PCS members and senior PCS officials).

The three causes that Mark is fundraising for and the reasons he chose these causes is set out below –

  1. The M S Society – Mark’s mum has been a sufferer for over 20 years and he has grown up seeing just how important it is for the person who has Multiple Sclerosis to have a solid and reliable support network in place.  The M S Society provides that support both for the sufferer and their carers.
  2. Val Irvine Foundation – Mark wants to help raise the much-needed funds required to allow this new foundation to realise Val Irvine’s dying wish, which was that the studio that she helped build would be used as a holistic therapy and art centre for the people of the Banff and Buchan area who are diagnosed as having cancer – as she herself was only a couple of years ago.  Friday 6 May 2011 would have been Val’s 45th birthday, making the start day of Mark’s ride all the more poignant.
  3. PCS hardship fund – this trade union is not politically affiliated in any way and they represent members who provide our much-needed public services.  They are fighting to stop the cuts in public spending in areas such as teaching, health care, taxation & benefits, and the voluntary sector, as well as protecting jobs in all other public sector departments.

Mark Chapman said:

“This ride started out as a pipedream really.  I’ve always wanted to challenge myself physically and mentally, but I’ve never had the drive to do it just for myself.  I started to get really frustrated about the way that the cuts are being portrayed to the general public ,and the fact that they were not being given the full facts to consider.

“PCS has published a booklet about the alternative to the cuts, and ideally I felt that this should have landed on everybody’s doorstep across the whole of the UK, but financially that was an impossible task.  I decided that maybe I could do something about this by getting the message across in a different way.

“PCS conference takes place in Brighton in May this year and I decided that if I could travel to conference in a less than conventional way from the north east of Scotland this year, then maybe I could raise the profile of what the cuts really do mean to everyone in the UK.

“I then saw the opportunity to also raise funds for 3 causes that are very close to my heart.  So now I am doing what I always wanted to do.  I am challenging my body and mind, but I also have an incentive as I am doing this for so many other people.”

To sponsor Mark or to find out more about his challenge please visit https://sites.google.com/site/thelongroadtobrighton/ or just type ‘Long Road to Brighton’ into any search engine.

To date Mark has received pledges totalling approximately £5,000.  Please do all that you can to help him reach his target of raising in excess of £10,000.

Mark would be happy to meet people along his route, full details of which will be available on his website.

Footnote – PCS, the Public and Commercial Services Union is the union representing civil and public servants in central government. It has more than 315,000 members in over 200 departments and agencies. It also represents workers in parts of government transferred to the private sector. PCS is the UK’s sixth largest union and is affiliated to the TUC. The general secretary is Mark Serwotka and the president Janice Godrich.

 

Old Susannah’s Journal No. 33

 Articles, Community, Environment, Information, Opinion, Satire and Humour  No Responses »
Apr 292011
 

Voice’s Old Susannah casts her eye over recent events, stories, and terms and phrases familiar as well as freshly ‘spun’, which will be forever etched in the consciousness of the people of Aberdeen and the Northeast.

dictionary

It was yet another event-packed week in Aberdeen. Some of us hunted for Easter eggs while the SNP, Greens and Labour were outside Marks & Spencers on Union Street Saturday, hunting for votes.

The public square outside of M&S served as an ‘exciting, vibrant hub in the heart of the City’ where people could come together – and it didn’t even cost £140 million to create. Not quite enough concrete there, though.

Anyway, the Friends of UTG and the anti-deer cull lobby spoke to the assembled politicians and passers-by and generated a great deal of interest.

On the other hand, the (not very) Liberal (not really) Democrats were conspicuous by their total absence on the day.  Whatever party you can from, whatever cause you support – everyone was in agreement that Councillor West of the SNP was the life and soul of the party. Who could forget his warm smile, beard, black suit and friendly banter as he offered all comers a bright yellow SNP balloon?

The SNP balloon is filled with hot air, and is likely to burst sometime in the near future, probably on 5 May. Perhaps the LibDems were right to stay away – their popularity might have caused a riot.  However, at the time of writing on Monday 25th April, there is no sign in the Press & Journal that such lively debate, lobbying and protesting ever took place concerning UTG and the deer.

The night before I stayed up all night to watch the skies for a meteor shower (not much joy really,- just wound up very tired Saturday), caused by Comet Thatcher. If I understand the science correctly, the frozen, lifeless Thatcher left a massive trail of debris which we will all still experience for generations to come. I’m sure there is some kind of metaphor in this somewhere but I can’t think what it might be.

Just one last thing – I owe a sincere apology to XXXXXXXXXXXX about my having XXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXX. I am truly sorry; it was very very much out of character, honestly don’t know what possessed me, and I obviously promise never to XXXXXXXXXXXXXX   XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX again. I have taken out a super injunction against myself, and will never mention XXXXXXXXXXXXXX again. Mea maxima culpa.  I will have one fewer BrewDog this coming weekend than last. Well, maybe not – it’s down to London to see some old friends; apparently there is some big wedding on as well.

Now that that is all cleared up, onwards with a few more terms to define.

Innocent:

(adj – Great Britain) freedom from guilt or blame, not culpable.
(adj – USA) – suspicious, dangerous; a state of being which deserves incarceration without trial, redress, or contact with the outside world – which would normally be guaranteed by the Bill of Rights.

I mean, without Guantanamo, how else would we have found all of those Weapons of Mass Destruction?

After over seven years of detention in Guantanamo Bay for hundreds, it seems the United States, land of the free and home of the brave, might just have to admit to keeping innocent people locked up in Guantanamo. Files have surfaced which seem to show that about 220 of the enemy combatants’ (or ‘people’ to you and me) were classed as dangerous terrorists but some 150 were innocent.

The rest of the world recognised this from day one of the camp’s creation and the American refusal to allow legal representtaives in but the US was deaf to international pleas for mercy, basic human rights and the rule of law to prevail.

Dear George ‘Dubya’ Bush was largely behind the camp’s existence and he and his aides came up with the strategy of calling the Guantanamo captives ‘enemy combatants;’ this was unique for two reasons: Firstly,  such a preposterous legal concept had never before been used. Secondly, no one thought Bush could manage a phrase with that many syllables.

Old Susannah might have tried to define a few tricky terms in the past but I’m not touching ‘enemy combatant’ with a bargepole.  I don’t have a bargepole.

Guantanamo did manage to release some of the blatantly blame-free over the years and with their emergence emerged tales of degradation, abuse, suicide attempts, physical and mental torture.  But if you’re innocent, you’ve got to accept this kind of thing.  Most of the inmates were guilty of being in Afghanistan or Pakistan at some time or other, so there you go.

Let us not forget:  if you want to preserve Democracy and Freedom, you’ve got to lock up a few ‘folk’ and torture them now and then.  I mean, without Guantanamo, how else would we have found all of those Weapons of Mass Destruction?  Remember, it’s not torture when the ‘good guys’ are doing it – it’s ‘persuasion’. Of course, it could never happen here (we just let the US use our airspace when moving these people around on the way to be ‘persuaded’).

Bats:

(noun) protected species of rodent with flight capabilities; habitats of which are under threat.
(adj) slang for slightly crazy or unbalanced.

Scottish Natural Heritage sent me a letter ages ago, when plans for building in Union Terrace Gardens were first brought up, mentioning the presence of important birds and bats.

these guards sadly have ‘visual impact’ per our city experts, who  apparently prefer the visual impact of a suffering or dead animal

I understand from ‘moles’ in Union Terrace Gardens that the bats have been seen on recent evenings within the park.  It would be an awful shame if the presence of an EU-protected species of animal put any brakes on plans to build (another) shopping area in Aberdeen. Still, bats haven’t managed to stall plans for Loirston becoming home to a giant, glowing football stadium.

Other old bats can be found hanging around other city-centre buildings, particularly around the Marischal and St Nicholas areas. Many of these are of the blood-sucking variety, and should be avoided at all costs. Some are undoubtedly rabid.

‘Humane Cull’:

(noun) a way of killing something – such as a deer – whereby you need not feel too badly about it, particularly when the killing is wholly avoidable; the use of ‘experts’ to remove life in a sharing, caring, ‘humane’ kind of way. The feel-good factor in destruction.

We are soon to have a cull (unless someone wants their political career to continue) of an unspecified number of the Tullos Hill Roe Deer, over an unspecified number of years. Cheaper than the tree guards which are successfully in use in Loirston Loch and Kincorth Hill – but these guards sadly have ‘visual impact’ per our city experts, who  apparently prefer the visual impact of a suffering or dead animal.

But don’t lose any sleep, councillors – it is going to be a ‘humane cull.’  Ms Malone and others might want you to think some sharpshooters pull a trigger and an animal will die within seconds. I would hate to burst anyone’s balloon (except Malone’s and West’s), but this is what will happen to at least some of the deer…

I quote from a website called ‘bluestar hunting – www.bluestar-hunting.com/bloodinmotion.html
Sensitive souls may wish to look away now.  Here are some quotes:-

* ” Pay attention to the reaction of the animal when it is shot… I have had many hunters tell me that they knocked the animal down, only to watch it suddenly jump up and run off, leaving lots of blood.  This is the one that I hate to hear the most.  First of all, body shots that do not impact the neck or spine rarely make an animal drop, and if the neck or spine is hit, the animal is usually disabled and cannot get up..”

*  “The falling down likely means the leg was broken; lots of blood usually indicates a muscle hit.  Muscle damage leaves lots of blood in the first 100 yards… if it was a lung hit, it can take time for the body cavity to fill and blood to be forced out.  Animals may run in the beginning… this will cause blood trains to be harder to see… “

*  “A liver shot is always fatal… but it will most likely take until the next day or later for the deer to die…. the double lung shot is the best percentage shot to take, as it will cause massive internal bleeding and drowning, causing death within about 150 yards… the pattern will start out with little blood, but it will increase as the  animal starts blowing blood out the mouth and nose…”

And my personal favourite:

*  “Give the animal time to bleed out before  you start tracking…. I have found animals within 40 or 50 yards of the stand, where they died after having run 250 to 300 yards in a long arcing circle, trying to get back to the spot they were safe in before the shot.”

(This could be why I prefer taking pictures of wildlife rather than blasting it to a slow death).

All the while, the wounded animal is in total shock, indescribable pain,and complete and utter terror as it dies, either a fairly quick ‘humane’ death or the slow one.  It is safe to assume that at least some of the deer – some of which are pregnant – will get this latter, long, terrifying, agonising death.

No wonder Scottish Natural Heritage wanted the city to manage the news of the cull carefully.  Not everyone is down with this  ‘humane cull’ reality.  Someone send a copy of ‘Bambi’ to Ms Malone, thanks.

NB – the Deer now have about 11 days – and Councillor Malone has about 3 to call it off.

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PS – Strictly confidential:

Grate a strong smelling soap around your plant beds. Some people will also tie soap bars to trees and bushes to keep deer away from a specific plant.

Sprinkle a mixture of red and black pepper, garlic and curry powder on and around plants deer like to eat to keep them away from your garden. Since this mixture will disappear when it rains, be sure to spread it out again after rain storms or after heavy watering sessions.

Try mixing a beaten egg with water and spraying on plants and around flower beds to keep deer away from your garden. Again, this will have to be reapplied after rains or heavy watering.

Use a commercial deer-repellent such as Deer-Off or Deer-Away. You can also try drops of animal urine such as coyote in your gardening beds. Some people report that human urine can work as well.

Plant plants deer won’t eat such as Lady’s Mantle, Butterfly Weed, Foxglove, St. John’s Wort, Lavender, Daffodil, Poppy and most pungent herbs.

Sprinkle human hair around your planting beds. Ask your hairdresser or a barber to save you a large bag next time you go in for your haircut.

Put a fence around your property to keep deer out. Some people have luck with tying white plastic shopping bags on the fence every couple of feet. The noise and movement of the plastic bags seems to scare deer and keep them away. A variation on the fence is to try a deer protection net. These nets are less obvious than a fence and may be more aesthetically pleasing to your garden.

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Next week – more definitions, outcome of the deer situation, and previously-promised news on Freedom of Information

Quiz Night And Coffee Mornings For MacMillan

 Articles, Charity, Community, Events, Information  No Responses »
Sep 172010
 

With thanks to Neil Archibald.

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Pittodrie Stadium will be the venue for a fund-raising charity quiz night next week in aid of MacMillan Cancer Support. Organisers hope to raise over £1000 at the event which is one of several taking place locally on Friday 24th September.

There will also be coffee mornings at Storybook Glen and at Marks and Spencers stores in St Nicholas Centre and Union Square.

Tickets for the quiz night, which begins at 7.30pm, cost £10- this includes a stovie supper and two raffle tickets- and are available from charityquiznights@gmail.com.

This event coincides with ‘The Worlds’ Biggest Coffee Morning’ – MacMillan Cancer Support’s biggest fundraising event. People from all over the UK and beyond will be holding coffee mornings, and donations on the day will be forwarded to MacMillan.

M&S Café are the charity’s new official partner, and have been running special promotions since early August to raise funds for MacMillan. On 24th September M&S Café will donate 50p for every coffee sold.

Last year’s coffee morning helped raise an amazing £7.9 million for people living with cancer.

To find a coffee morning near you, click here