David Innes Archives - Page 4 of 4

Refs Blow Whistle On Abuse

Aberdeen City, Articles, Opinion, Sport No Responses »

Nov 262010

Voice’s David Innes, a sometime bastard in the black, looks at this week’s threatened strike by SPL referees after weeks of controversy.

When Willie Collum sent Rory McArdle off at Pittodrie last week, I joined with the rest of the fair-minded, judicious and sagely punters of Section Y in ranting foul-mouthedly about the ref’s dubious lineage, his resemblance to both male and female external reproductive organs and the fact that were he ever to join the Mile High Club, it would be a solo flight.

I was not the worst, but I held my own. Just as we were accusing him of doing, I suppose. That’s where it ended though. No matter what resentment I felt at Collum’s performance, it’s over, it’s in the past and I’m now more concerned about where we’ll be in the table come the festive season.
I think that’s the way most fans take these things. We rage when things go against us but suffer memory blanks for decisions which have gone in our favour. We rant, we rave, we slaver and gnash our teeth, but accept it stoically as part of the game. And we should not forget that it IS just a game.

I cannot understand what goes on in the minds of supporters who insist on taking these things further, to the extent of threatening referees, their homes and property and their families. What sort of empty lives must such individuals and mobs lead to make them behave in such a way? I’m as fanatical as the next fan about my team, I love to see them winning – and it will happen again, believe – and can take defeat badly especially against certain teams.

Of course, I have long held the opinion that those who wish to associate themselves with the alien and discriminatory cultures at certain successful clubs, having no local or cultural affinity with those clubs have something missing from their lives anyway, but that is another debate.

Referees are now threatening to strike because they feel their integrity has been called into question. Dougie McDonald has admitted lying and should resign. That would not be the end of the matter, I’m sure, despite what some influential people claim. Before long, some other poor sap in black would be accused of being part of the conspiracy against whoever feels slighted and who cannot accept that some days you’re the doo and on others, you’re the statue.

Being called a wanker by 10-year olds quickly loses its precocious charm

Do I support the strike? Yes, and not just because of the high profile issue currently exciting Jimmy Inarticulate, first-time caller by the way Jim, and readers of the Daily Paps.

In years gone by, as a fitba coach asked to referee games every week, I thought I’d better do the knowledge and make sure that every time I blew the Acme Thunderer that I knew what the hell I was deciding. I went over to the Dark Side, turned from poacher to gamie, took the king’s shilling and became a bastard in the black. It was great fun. I learned a lot. I found out that playground-ingrained received wisdom was, well, not really wise at all.

I didn’t last too long doing it as a favour to kids’ teams though. Being called a wanker by 10-year olds quickly loses its precocious charm. Dealing with boorish coaches who believed they were Alex Ferguson and who seemed intent on acting out their own fitba fantasies by instructing bairns to kick and maim other bairns saddened me. Doing the right thing by talking to players, telling ‘keepers, “Aye, it’s OK to pick it up, it wisna a pass back” or taking 5 minutes at half time to instruct a constantly-infringing team on the correct way to take a throw-in but being abused by grown men on the sidelines for so doing wasn’t an ideal way to spend a sleety Sunday morning at Aulton.

Watching 9 year olds dive outrageously to try to win penalties (not on MY watch, sonny) and adopt other “professional” insidiousness they had seen on Murdoch TV disillusioned me. It did the same to many of my peers who began with less cynicism than I had. We just became “unavailable” when asked. The message got through quickly enough and the calls stopped.

It begins at that level. It reaches its pathetic zenith at professional level. Someone’s going to get hurt and by then it will be too late for recriminations and hand-wringing.

Have your strike, comrades. It’s unlikely that I’ll be at an SPL game this week, but I’d happily join in the “scab” chants at the shoehorned-in replacements who will be adding to the problem rather than help solve it.

Shearer Wonderland. Duncan Shearer – The Autobiography

Articles, Opinion, Sport No Responses »

Nov 052010

Books of interest to Dons fans are being published in ever-increasing numbers at the moment. David Innes advises Reds to remember this when writing to Santa next month.

As probably the last Dons striker who fans would have crawled over broken glass to watch perform some mundane dressing room activity such as tying up his socks, Duncan Shearer’s story is told in straightforward style, co-written by Paul Smith.

Fitba biographies are rarely controversial and the stories we really want to hear are inevitably kept from us. Shearer Wonderland is little different although Duncan expresses fairly strong views about his former boss Steve Paterson and that individual’s unfortunate personal problems, and doesn’t hold back when criticising former colleague John Inglis.

He also questions, as many of us do, the wisdom of spending precious cash on a Director of Football when the playing budget is pared to the bone. This is, however, no personal criticism of the current post-holder who Duncan describes as one of the most thorough and passionate managers for whom he played.

However, Duncan’s stint at Pittodrie was only a fleeting part of a long career and he gives insights to his life as a professional at Chelsea, Huddersfield, Swindon and Blackburn. Especially interesting are his reminisces of the financial side of a game which was much simpler then and his reaction to the different managerial styles of those he served, including Lou Macari and Osvaldo Ardiles.

Of course, the chapters about his time in the sacred red will be of most interest to Voice readers. His love for the club he eventually joined in the latter stages of his career, and which he was eventually to manage with Steve Paterson, is obvious. If you were there, you’ll know what a godsend a striker of Shearer’s ability and power was, and how much he was adored.

This affection was reciprocated and Shearer believes that his relationship with the fans was due as much to his refusal to stay aloof from supporters but to mingle with them socially, eschewing the hip footballers’ nightspots and lifestyle. Although he scored in our last trophy win, he is adamant that his most important Dons goal was the one which effectively put despicable Dundee United rather than the Dons into the First Division in 1995. And so say all of us.

Someone could have proof-read it better though – Neale Cooper is Peterheid’s manager – Neil Cooper is youth coach.

There are also intensely personal passages about the poverty of working class Lochaber and his parents’ struggle to survive financially and of traumatic family tragedies. Never forgetting his roots, there is significant coverage of his time in the Highland League as a Clachnacuddin player and as manager of Buckie Thistle.

Shearer Wonderland is well worth reading and it’s refreshing to read the life story of one of life’s good guys who appreciates the hand fate dealt him. Altogether now…”It’s a goal, Duncan Shearer….”

Shearer Wonderland. Duncan Shearer – The Autobiography. Black and White Publishing. 247 pages. £14.99. Co-written by Paul Smith.

Bang Goes Bonfire Night

Articles, Creative Writing, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Nov 052010

Bonfire Night is upon us and as we watch the traditional burning of effigies and the sometimes surprising, sometimes disapointing firework displays, the thoughts of some spectators begin to wander ……

** ‘If Moir Lockhead wis a firework, he’d be the only firework allowed in the display, wid cost far mair than similar fireworks in Edinburgh, wid bide for ages in the Coapy milk bottle while you wait for movement and when he eventually took off, it wid be grudgingly, wi a splutter and a hotter but still leaving six sparklers chasing efter him in vain.’ – David Innes

** ‘If Aberdeen F.C was a firework, it would be one of those you light, get all excited about, tell all yer mates “watch this, it’s gonna be beautiful” You wait and wait, it doesn’t go off, not sure if you should let it be of go over to it and light it again……you’re warned “nah leave it – it’ll go aff” ……you wait, then “f*ck it I’ll go over” and it blows up in yer face’. – Slimfella, Aberdeen-Mad.

** ‘If Aberdeen City Cooncil was a firework it would be a dodgy katherine wheel which when lit, would twirl around and around in ever decreasing circles creating lots of heat, sparks and noise, expending fuel and energy at an alarming rate but never actually going anywhere’. – Fred Wilkinson

** ‘If Kevin Stewart wis a neep lantern you’d struggle to see the facial outline due to there being nae licht inside the f*ckin heid.’ – David Innes

** ‘If The CitySquare/Gardens was a firework it would come in a plain pale grey box ( artwork purchased separately ) around a hundred times the size of the firework itself, cost about 100 times more than the ‘money back on next purchase’ voucher redeemable only when your home and car have been legally bound as security until your cheque clears.
When taken out of the box, you would find that the quaint little oil platform shaped device comes with a badly written manual in which you would somehow suss that the firework does not work unless it is connected to a mains gas supply. However, on the back page there is a telephone number for an engineer who can come round anytime, dig up your garden and install the pipe and connection required.

This will cost you, but on the upside, they will accept your ‘money back on next purchase’ voucher towards the cost of the work ( which would of course include arranging planning permission for the installation).
When lit, sometime ( around 2016 by the time all the paperwork is complete ) it would throw out a brief burst of sparks and swirling flares, and then produce a large limp flickering flame.
As you wait to see what else it does next, you find the small print in the manual which informs you that there is no way of turning it off and that your transaction validated an agreement to purchase your uninterruptable gas supply from an un-named supplier at an undisclosed price for an unnegotiable 25 year term.

It might seem like you got a bad deal, but the solicitor, the gas company, the planning dept and the engineer all agree it was a pleasure to do business with you’. – Fred Wilkinson

** ‘If ACSEF wis a squaad o guisers, they’d ask you if you wanted to hear a song and when you refused they’d sing it onywye saying that they didna recognise the insignificant numbers o respondents who said ‘no”. – David Innes

** ‘If Aberdeen F.C. was a firework, it would be one of those indoor fireworks that turn into a giant, endless sh*te. ( see below)’ – Kelt, Aberdeen-Mad

Pittodrie’s Silent Assassin – Davy Johnston

Articles, Community, Featured, Information, Opinion, Sport No Responses »

Oct 152010

David Innes Reviews Donald Wilson’s New Book about AFC, Nairn and Inverness Caley hero Davy Johnston.

When Dons fans of a certain age reminisce about their heroes of the1960s, this can be a short discussion. Certainly Charlie Cooke would be mentioned, maybe Jinky Smith and, at a pinch, the young Martin Buchan, although his major successes were still three or four years into the future.

Heroes were thin on the ground at Pittodrie during those barren years. However, as a loon growing up obsessed with the late 60s squad, they were all heroes to me, and among them was Davy Johnston, whose goal-packed career is commemorated in Donald Wilson’s affectionate tribute.

Davy, you see, was a hero to hundreds, if not thousands, long before he made his Aberdeen debut shortly after signing in late 1966. He was already a legend in the Highland League, where his goals and influence on the great Nairn County side of the early and mid-60s are still remembered by those fortunate enough to have witnessed this very special player. He was Donald Wilson’s hero too, and as Morrissey once warbled, it’s time the tale were told.

Drawing on formidable local press research and anecdotal evidence from star witnesses such as Davy’s contemporaries and fans at Nairn, Aberdeen and Inverness Caley, Wilson paints a picture of a prodigiously-gifted footballer whose modesty almost outweighed his talent. Unfortunately, so did his lack of self-belief and his inability to come to terms with the demands of the city and the expectations of a full-time footballer ultimately saw him return to his Highland League comfort zone after less than three years in the sacred red. Happily, Johnston carried on where he left off and he thrilled Highland League fans for a further seven seasons, playing a bit part in Nairn’s finest hour, their dramatic clinching of the 1976 championship.

I was privileged to have seen Davy in his prime at Pittodrie, and in his Highland League heyday and it still saddens me that he did not go on to be the success that his talent deserved. For those who missed out, Pittodrie’s Silent Assassin tells the whole tale in a very readable and superbly-researched style. There should be much more of this sort of thing.

Pittodrie’s Silent Assassin – Davy Johnston. By Donald Wilson. Desert Island Books. www.desertislandbooks.com 160 pp. £14.99.

Highland League – Shocking!

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Aug 132010

Shock after shock for Highland League fans as last Saturday’s results came in. Voice’s David Innes explains.

Deveronvale, perennially among the clubs tipped for trophies, are one of four clubs sitting on no points after Clach, unlucky at Buckie last week, came raiding and sauntered smugly back to the Highlands with all three points and a stunning 3-0 victory. Continue reading »

Lucas-aid Or Caroline, No?

Articles, Featured, Opinion No Responses »

Aug 132010

Shocked by the revelation that ootsiders are freely and openly buying land in the NE, Voice’s David Innes muses on a theme.

Good lord. I’ll go the foot of The Great Dunes of Scotland. The Trump lot and their usual slavishly-slavering lackeys are up in arms again. Such sensitivity from those habitually so boorish themselves.

On Fire with Fergie

Aberdeen City, Articles, Featured, News, Opinion, Sport, Sport No Responses »

Aug 132010

On Fire With Fergie – Me, My Dad and the Dons – Stuart Donald.

Hachette Scotland 338 pages £12.99

As promised last week, when Aberdeen Voice appeared to be unique in giving media coverage to the launch of this and the Heritage Trust’s books, Voice’s David Innes, rises from his settee where he’s been glued to On Fire With Fergie since he took it home.

Stuart Donald reads from On Fire With Fergie.

Stuart Donald’s three-pronged approach in writing On Fire With Fergie, documenting his personal rites of passage story of falling in and out of love with the 80s Dons, recording those incredible victories and celebrations whilst paying tribute to his late dad, Gordon Donald, “The Chancellor” to whom the book is dedicated, is beautifully successful.

Although of much older vintage than the author, I can identify with almost every sentence of Stuart’s narrative. The childhood naivety, the swelling hope, the tears, the tantrums, the eventual realisation that The Man in the grotesque guise of the Old Firm will flex his financial muscle, call in old favours and render our spike on the success graph as a temporary and unsustainable blip. But by hookey, it was fun while it lasted.

This is much more than a fitba book – it’s a well-written tale of familial relationships, adolescence, quiet rebellion and growing up and it’s among the best terracing-derived accounts of club football that I have read.

The passages of reported and remembered conversations, especially those featuring Donald senior are rib-tickling and have display stout granite-like profundity typical of wise NE Everydad. That they are reproduced in Doric renders them all the more relevant to the Dons and all the more pointed. I think that most Dons fans would have been able to relate to the sage but passionate Chancellor. It would surely have been a pleasure to have known him.

It’s heartening too that Stuart Donald is unafraid to say what he (and most Dons fans) thought thirty years ago – in turn describing in scornful terms Old Firm violence and bigotry, peer jealousy, despicable Dundee United’s status as a minor irritant to the Dons with whom they were always crazily bracketed by lazy hacks and who always crumpled, papier mache-like, in the face of the Old Firm when the chips were down. I trust he has not mellowed on any of these scores, for these have not changed much.

This is much more than a fitba book – it’s a well-written tale of familial relationships, adolescence, quiet rebellion and growing up and it’s among the best terracing-derived accounts of club football that I have read. I recommend it to anyone who lived through those sweet, heady days or to anyone curious about how fans viewed the most glorious period of our shared fitba and community heritage.

Aberdeen Football Club in the Scottish Qualifying Cup

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Aug 062010

By David Innes

Aberdeen Football Club in the Scottish Qualifying Cup by Chris Gavin. Published by AFC Heritage Trust. 76 pages. £5.99

Published under the auspices of Aberdeen FC Heritage Trust, this first historical book in a planned series is an excellent start and sheds light on the early days of the Dons and their struggle to attain status as a senior club.

Stuart Donald Charms The Richard Donald

Aberdeen City, Breaking, Featured, News, Sport No Responses »

Aug 062010

“If someone had brought beer round, it would have been just like sitting in the pub discussing the Dons” – Voice’s David Innes calls in from Pittodrie

This was bordering on the perfect evening for Dons fans. A slab of primal club history from AFC Heritage Trust’s new publication charting the Dons’ early struggles in the Scottish Qualifying Cup; the narration of an entertaining passage by its creator Chris Gavin; reminiscences of more recent success with the launch of Stuart Donald’s On Fire With Fergie (review next week), again enhanced by the author’s reading of impressive episodes, and a relaxed chat with the immortal John Hewitt. Continue reading »

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