Council Archives - Page 28 of 62

Old Susannah No. 104 – Discovering New Levels

Dec 032012

Old Susannah casts her beady eye around the ‘Deen – and this week, far beyond! By Suzanne Kelly

Tally Ho! Apologies for the late-running of this service but Old Susannah has been in New York and Glasgow over the past 10 days or so.

The biggest news of the week is the annual Glenfiddich Spirit of Scotland Top Scot award going to Michael Forbes, Menie resident and nemesis of Donald Trump. Many congratulations on an award well deserved.

It was disheartening to see New York in such a state; there is a huge, under-used park at the very centre of Manhattan.

Because this central park hasn’t been successfully transformed into a vibrant, dynamic, iconic web, New York is closed for business. Retail trade is down, with many small family-owned, non-chain store businesses operating throughout the greater Manhattan area instead of multinationals and pound shops.

This park also has major connectivity problems. Some if it is actually below street level! Yes, really. Other parts have a wall separating the park from the street, and people have to travel a few blocks to get to the next entrance.

To make things even worse, some of the park is even higher than street level. I hear a delegation from New York will travel to Aberdeen soon to look at the web plans, and see if the Granite Web can’t be built over Manhattan.

Until such time, New Yorkers will have to suffer the consequences – little tourism, hardly any business, and not much going on culturally.

If they were to just set up their own version of ACSEF, I’m sure the local taxpayers would be happy to fund an unelected quango that knew better on all issues than elected officials, and do whatever it said without question.

Then it was on to Glasgow.

For some reason, the streets there don’t have much going for them. Well, not in the way of litter, potholes and broken pavements anyway. The public transportation is affordable, clean and frequent – even after 6pm!

One really tough-looking guy on the underground strode purposely near where I was standing – to put a used ticket into a used ticket bin. Must have been something wrong with him.

Returning to BrewDog on Monday evening, I bought the last two bottles of Ghost Deer. This truly delicious beer is the world’s strongest fermented beer (and it has fetching artwork).

I also managed to buy one of the last limited edition Ghost Deer t-shirts, so I am well chuffed at having something to wear when I next see Aileen Malone.

Ghost Deer is marketed as ‘an audacious blend of eccentricity, artistry and rebellion.’ It reminds me of someone, I just can’t figure out who.

Want a few weeks off work? Stop washing your hands when you use restrooms and stop disinfecting surfaces

The deer theme continued at Aberdeen Art Centre as I attended an opening of work by Nicky Cairney and her mother, Angela Cairney. The show was well attended and the work is very varied, with themes of nature, man’s interference with nature, and environment the overriding themes.

Please do go and see it, especially the silhouette work concerning Tullos Hill and golf. When lit in different ways, these dioramas throw powerful shadows with more than a little hint of political commentary.

Before moving on to some seasonal definitions, something seems to be wrong with the council. When the first icy days hit us, salt and sand were being used on the roads AND pavements. I really don’t know what they’re playing at – you didn’t get this kind of thing happening when Kate Dean was convener. Let’s see if they keep it up.

Cold weather also can mean an increase in viruses. A few unpleasant illnesses are doing the rounds, so try and stay well. Here are some definitions which may help.

MRSA Virus (noun) a strain of the staphylococcus bacterium which can cause serious infections in people, and which is becoming increasingly immune to antibiotics.

Want a few weeks off work? Stop washing your hands when you use restrooms and stop disinfecting surfaces. Also forget all that nonsense about using a tissue once, throwing it away, and then washing your hands. That’s for wimps.

It’s an awfully good thing that Aberdeen Royal Infirmary and Grampian NHS ensure all the wards in our area are spotless. I was told you could eat off the floor in Ward 49, for instance. Bring a knife and fork.

It’s important to remember that if you get an infection that needs antibiotics, the doctor doesn’t really want you to finish the whole course of medicine. Just take a few pills, stop after a day or two, then be totally surprised when you don’t get better. You’re doing a good deed for biodiversity by making bugs stronger and stronger. Result!

However, there is a more serious hospital virus going around. At present, there is only one known case. This case is, however, in our area – so do be vigilant…

MRCS Virus (noun) new strain of hospital virus causing computers to imply doctors have more qualifications than they do. Pity poor Doctor (???) Muhammad Ishaque.

It’s clear that ARI takes checking references seriously

This trainee doctor worked in Aberdeen Royal Infirmary, where he picked up this curious disease. Unfortunately, the highly-trained professionals at ARI failed to spot this virus before he was hired. Perhaps a better check-up of incoming doctors is called for.

To most people in the medical profession MRCS means Member of the Royal College of Surgeons. The implication if you got an email from said trainee was that they were a qualified, recognised surgeon. This trainee didn’t exactly have all of the medical qualifications his computer said he had. Instead, he claimed he contracted the MRCS virus on his computer at the hospital.

This rare virus causes a trainee doctor’s outgoing emails to magically contain the letters MRCS after the trainee’s name. Scientists are baffled at the emergence of this new virus, and are closely studying Ishaque, the only known sufferer in the world.

So by all means clean your hands – but clean your hard drives as well.

I guess it’s no big deal – as the ARI seems to insist – that this person examined people. They say he was always working alongside a fully trained doctor. It’s not as if people expect a person examining them would have been fully vetted before allowed anywhere near the public.

I’m thinking of going along for a job as well – guess if I work with a qualified doctor, no one would mind being examined, advised or probed, would they? It’s clear that ARI takes checking references seriously. Otherwise, we might wind up with people being treated badly in hospital, and that simply couldn’t happen here.

Funnily enough, there is a long-running rumour that a form of this virus may be at work in Aberdeen City Council computers, a rumour that says not all officers have all the qualifications they claim to hold. Obviously the city’s HR team check and double-check all references.

Gift Cards (modern English noun) A procurement card with a given amount of credit, which allows the holder to buy goods and services.

Poor former administration of Aberdeen City Council. Despite having teams of accountants, financial experts, staff of all descriptions and black-and-white procurement procedures, they just couldn’t find a way for some essential purchases to be made. Easy to understand, I’m sure.

Instead of being hassled with procurement rules, they bought and dished out tens of thousands of pounds worth of Tesco gift cards. Result! ACC staff obviously bought just what they needed for their jobs, kept receipts, and filed accurate business expense claims.

Maybe instead of going to work as a doctor for ARI, I should just get a job at ACC and some Tesco gift cards

Old Susannah remembers the story of an enterprising social worker who did their best to stimulate the economy by purchasing much-needed goods. Mind you, technically some of these purchases should have successfully made it into the hands of the people the social worker was caring for, rather than being used by said social worker for personal use.

That’s just splitting hairs, though. Some thoughtful social workers have, so I am led to believe, given a wee bit of help to their clients when it is time to vote as well. What a comprehensive service!

Back to the use of Tesco gift cards. According to STV:

“The fact that money seems to have been spent towards the end of the financial year, that some things were bought that were inappropriate expenditure and the fact that a certain area was stockpiling cards in (sic) unacceptable.”

Another little fact of city council budgeting is that departments might lose funds in the following year if they did anything rash – like not spending all of the money they were allocated in the current year. This is how we encourage departments to do all they can to save money. I’m just not exactly sure how that is working out.

Hmmm. I wonder who gets to keep the Tesco Club card points, worth a fair bit of money, air miles and free pizza? I think we should be told. That’s an awful lot of points someone’s got. Who, I wonder, has them?

Clearly the financial records will show that such points are retained and used by the council, as the purchaser of the gift cards. Maybe instead of going to work as a doctor for ARI, I should just get a job at ACC and some Tesco gift cards.

That’s almost it for this week – but to cheer everyone up, Aberdeenshire Council is ‘manning up’ and getting tough on crime. Yes, at this festive time of year, there can be an upsurge in street crime.

But hooray! The shire is going to save us all from the scourge of – too much bunting, banners and festive lights. According to the council, there will be a crackdown on this kind of unwanted, hazardous, illegal activity.

Meanwhile over at the Menie Estate…

Next week: more festive definitions.

Confidential note to the person with the Saltire posting fetish: great – good for you – keep putting the Saltire up but can you please stop nailing your signs into living trees? You’re not doing the trees any favours.

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Youth Council Speaks Out On Drug Problem

Aberdeen City, News No Responses »

Nov 262012

With thanks to Kenneth Watt

Chair of Aberdeen City Youth Council Barry Black MSYP has recommended the Education, Culture & Sport Committee on Aberdeen City Council approves the creation of a Drugs Youth Worker role.

Barry told Aberdeen Voice:

“Our sister group, GRADE A (Get Real About Drugs Action Aberdeen), has worked tirelessly to improve drugs education in the city and has benefitted immensely from the support of our youth worker.

“An additional Drugs Action worker would make a huge contribution to the already excellent work being done on drugs education in the city. We recommend the committee approve the funding for the position on the grounds of the benefit to young people.”

“We have a significant substance misuse issue with young people in the city and this is an issue that needs to be addressed. We are above the average for substance misuse statistics¹ and a full-time drugs education worker would help to contribute to the fight against drugs abuse in the city.”

¹ Statistical information on substance misuse can be found at http://www.aberdeenshireadp.co.uk/Flexviews/core/assets/adp%20mtg%20may%202010/info_2%20summary%20of%20drug%20misuse%20statistics%20scotland%202009.pdf

Div Only Twits “Tweet”?

Creative Writing, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Nov 232012

By Bob Smith.

O fit a stramash wis on twitter
Cooncillors made theirsels look feel
Tryin tae be affa clivver
Wi tweets fae chiel tae chiel

Awa an growe up is ma cry
Yer supposed tae be worthy o votes
An nae behaving like numpties
As tho ye war ill-trickit goats

Bit then again they’re cooncillors
Fit mair div we really expect
Aye sneerin an snarlin at each ither
An nae showin ony bliddy respect

Ye buggers – fowk did elect ye
Tae dee fit’s best fer us aa
Nae struttin aroon like bubblyjocks
Or cocks fa like tae craw

Aa yer postins on twitter
Wis aneuch tae mak fowk greet
A wis remindit aboot a freen
Fa thinks only twits div “tweet”

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2012

Paying Through The Nose: Part 1

Aberdeen City, News 17 Responses »

Nov 232012

In a move meant to demonstrate transparency in government, August 2012 saw the opening of a statutory period in which members of the public were able to view Aberdeen City Council’s financial year documents for 2011. In the first of a two-part investigation, Suzanne Kelly seeks answers but winds up with more questions.

In 2011 Aberdeen moved from being an SNP/Lib-Dem controlled city to an administration with a slim Labour majority.

Although drains on the public purse like the Tullos deer debacle and the development of the Granite Web’s TIF funding application were left behind, the public still had to bear the cost of the previous administration’s policies.

Staff at the ACC finance department were most helpful but the year-end document on display was not the detailed set of accounts I had hoped for.

The year-end statement made many claims about the city doing the best it could but most of the costs had already been lumped together and processed. I wanted to see actual invoices and spread sheets from some of the year’s more contentious projects (or at least those I knew of).

I provided the list of invoices and accounts I wished to examine and eventually received the information collated and ready to inspect. I have to say seeing the various costs involved is a far cry from reading the wonderfully prosaic year-end statement, and though I am still sifting through documents looking for answers, here are some issues that emerged.

Stewart Milne

ACC and Stewart Milne are in legal dispute over land transaction issues at Westhill. The city sold land to one arm of the Milne empire at far less than its market value on the understanding it would eventually see a share of any future profit.

At the same time Milne companies were buying and selling land at knockdown prices, they were submitting bids for council projects (at very narrow margins compared to the competition), winning work worth approximately £10m. The courts – including the highest in the UK – sided with ACC and Milne should by rights be settling his debt to the city.

Despite Milne entities refusing to pay ACC its rightful share of profit on the land transactions, instead dragging ACC (and therefore the taxpayer) through the courts, Milne had (and may still have) preferred bidder status for council contracts. Milne is assuredly carrying out work for the city, which in 2011 was rewarded as follows:

In fact, the 2011 ‘self-raised invoices’ reflect the following monies paid to Milne:

Reference	Amount
SB/P/10431	270,630.00
SB/P/10432	299,536.00
SB/P/10433	244,149.00
SB/P/10474	226,268.00
SB/P/10475	137,379.00
SB/P/10476	127,637.50
SB/P/10528	75,030.00
SB/P/10529	19,210.00
SB/P/10530	8,850.00
Job CH 12306	36,286.00
Job CH 12308	44,046.00
Job CH 2307	39,326.00
SB/P/10645	20,001.00
TOTAL	£1,548,348.50

The paperwork I was given is intriguing, referencing neither particular jobs nor targets reached. Indeed, three of the documents entirely lack a second sheet containing supplementary information.

The cover sheets I did receive refer, for example, to Bryan Park and Hayton Road, but fail to indicate exactly what work is being paid for, or if any target has been reached. For the sums involved, one might hope sufficient documentary back-up evidence does exist.

Wood Family Trust

The Wood Family Trust (WFT) is listed as having paid £160,000 towards the CGP referendum. The taxpayer chipped in £40,000.

The city also paid the WFT £22,000 for an educational pilot scheme involving Kincorth Academy ‘per contract’. What contract ACC and the WFT have entered into will make interesting reading. Perhaps other charitable trusts have contracted with ACC – but why a charity should be engaged by contract on an educational scheme is at present unclear.

https://aberdeenvoice.com/wp-content/gallery/images2/wood-family-trust-get-22-k-from-acc-nov-11.jpg

BiG Invoices

It was a good year to be in PR. Well, it was if you were a certain BiG name agency. There was the unofficial campaign for the Granite Web – when print media was sent to every household in the city on at least two occasions (and lest we forget, in error to the shire on one).

BiG was involved in other areas, though at present we don’t know which PR agency the city paid when the Chamber of Commerce (Chaired by Bob Collier) billed ACC for work ordered by ACSEF (Tom Smith) in support of the Granite Web scheme.

Smith is, of course, better known as a director of the Aberdeen City Gardens Trust, a private company to which the management of the web and UTG was to be handed without recourse to a tendering process or checking either man’s expertise in the rather narrow field of constructing concrete webs.

But, getting back to BiG: readers may be interested to know ACC has paid monthly invoices to BiG for various PR services, storage, servers, altering maps, expenses, photos and a trip to Glasgow. Below is a short summary of selected BiG invoices, interestingly enough all addressed To AWPR – Scottish Executive, which reference A-AWPR, and seem to have been paid by ACC:

Invoice No	Date	Description	Amount
17801	30/3/11	Info packs and inserts (what project? – SK)	10,802
42810	18/4/11	Expenses, press cutting services, photos, PR	3,416
17848	31/3/11	March PR, storage (nb seems to be £120/month)	1,022
18072	30/4/11	April PR, storage	2,076
18080	30/4/11	Website servers for PLI and AWPR	700
18320	31/5/11	May PR, storage	2,045
18567	30/6/11	June PR, storage	2,968
(not clear)	31/7/11	July PR, storage	1,762
19062	31/8/11	August PR, storage, travel to Glasgow	6,307
19308	30/9/11	September PR, storage	5,013
19533	31/10/11	October PR, storage, amendments to AWPR map	2,434
19770	30/11/11	November PR, storage	1,858
20033	31/12/11	December PR, storage	1,493
20254	31/01/12	January PR, storage	3,492
20509	29/02/12	February PR, storage and handover re. K McKee	8,788
TOTAL			54,176

The BiG Partnership billed ACC for £54,176 in the last fiscal year: was the AWPR acronym used in the invoices referring to the Western Peripheral Route? Other possibilities seem slim, but why ACC should have engaged a PR firm (let alone paid it storage fees or for website servers) in relation to this project is not clear.

Issues so far

a) ACC regularly deals with a company holding preferred bidder status, a company that has not only reneged on a profit-sharing scheme but dragged the city through every court in the land. How much was lost on the initial transaction? How much is the city incurring in legal fees, and which side picks these up?

Why is the Milne group apparently saying it wants to negotiate when the courts have already found against them? Have Milne companies retained their preferred bidder status? If his companies were enjoying profits from a favourable land deal, while at the same time entering low bids for contracting work, is this ethical, fair, and completely within tendering guidelines?

b) Should the referendum have been financed to such an extent by one of the interested parties? Was there even a slight possibility of psychological influence over those involved in administration of the referendum by the fact the costs were picked up by the web’s main proponent? At one stage we were told the entire costs were being met by Wood – why did the taxpayer pick up a £40,000 tab?

c) ACC seems to be paying a billionaire’s trust for an educational pilot – and has entered into a contract. What is the nature of the contract, and in what way can the services performed be described as charitable? An overview of the charity seems to indicate no money is received by the Trust from government. I wrote to WFT and received this reply:

“The funds received from Aberdeen City Council were a relatively small contribution to an Enterprise in Education programme, which was delivered as a partnership project with the local authority and carried out at two schools in the region, with the balance of the funds coming from Wood Family Trust. I can only assume that the reason the Scottish Charities Register indicates WFT received no money from Government is that this doesn’t cover funds received from Local Authorities.”

d) Has the city paid for public relations for the AWPR? If so, how was the contract for the work tendered? Was BiG given favoured status in obtaining this work via its involvement with ACSEF and the CGP?

Coming soon in Part 2

The Tree for Every Citizen Project – more revelations, CJ Piper, Bryan Massie

A Scottish Enterprise invoice or two

Further observations

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5-Year Focus On Education: Youth Council ‘Delighted’

Aberdeen City, News No Responses »

Nov 232012

With thanks to Kenneth Watt

Aberdeen City Youth Council Chair Barry Black MSYP is delighted the Aberdeen City Council administration has outlined education as its focus for the coming five years.

Mr Black believes this promise creates a clear mandate for the youth council, the official voice of young people in Aberdeen, to work closely with councillors to ensure that school, college and university pupils are listened to and services tailored to suit the needs of the city’s 12-25 year-olds.

Mr Black told Aberdeen Voice:

“This is fantastic news for young people: there are no further cuts to teachers and a new school is going to be built.

“I will be keen to hear the views of young people on how the new budget can be tailored to their needs in schools and pass these on to our elected members.

“This spells out a clear mandate for us to increase our scrutiny of the administration. This news is very promising and we are delighted that they are taking education seriously.”

Blood In The Mobile: Free Screening At Belmont

Community, Information No Responses »

Nov 232012

Local charity Get Real About Drugs Education Aberdeen (GRADE A) teams up with the Belmont Cinema to deliver a free movie screening at 11am on Saturday 24 November. With thanks to Kenneth Watt.

Danish director Frank Poulsen’s 2010 documentary Blood in the Mobile addresses the issue of conflict minerals by examining illegal cassiterite mining in the North-Kivu province of eastern DR Congo, an industry strongly linked to human rights abuses.

The cassiterite dug out of the illegal mines is, according to Danish corporate monitor organisation Danwatch, primarily purchased as tin by the electronics industry after processing in East Asia. It is then widely used in the manufacture of mobile phones.

Youth councillor Virag Erdei, who sits on both the Aberdeen City Youth Council and its sister group GRADE A:

“As young people we feel very strongly about this issue. Many people of our age group are becoming ill and are dying because of the products we are buying in the Western world.

“I hope this film can educate and inform, as we all have a social and environmental responsibility to change the planet and make it a better place.

“I would like to thank the Belmont for screening the film for us and their support.”

Members of the public are encouraged to come along to the free screening at the Belmont Cinema, Aberdeen at 11am on Saturday 24 November. More information available from Aberdeen City Youth Council website: www.acyc.info

Tree For Every Citizen: Award Winner Or Disaster?

Aberdeen City, Environment 13 Responses »

Nov 232012

Originally sent to cover Aberdeen’s Tree for Every Citizen initiative, Aberdeen Voice’s Suzanne Kelly turned campaigner against the scheme, protesting alongside animal charities, community councils and thousands of local residents.

War torn country storm damage? No it is award winning ACC ph2 scheme realised. Tullos 18 Nov 12

Despite the many firm arguments against the plan – a plan which included culling the deer which had wandered the Gramps for generations – a gung-ho Aberdeen City Council (ACC) went ahead. With Tullos Hill set to be planted with 89,000 trees in the scheme’s second phase, gorse and other indigent plants were ripped out, a process that left many birds and small animals homeless.

As one of the scheme’s mooted outcomes was to create a haven for wildlife, the illogicality was not lost on campaigners. Nor was the cost, which ran into thousands of pounds despite a council pledge the operation would be cost neutral.

The plan, to destroy existing meadowland and slaughter its native deer to create a woodland habitat in which, conversely, deer and squirrels could live, according to its supporters, was described by the Scottish SPCA as ‘abhorrent and absurd’.

Yet the council claims the project as a great success story.

So, what is the reality on the hill today?

In October 2012, Princess Anne presented the city with a certificate to mark its effort to create a Diamond Jubilee Wood on Tullos Hill. Patron of the Woodland Trust’s Jubilee Woods project, the princess presented the award to ACC Countryside Officer Ian Tallboys. According to the city’s publicity arm, Tallboys said:

“Tullos Hill is one of Aberdeen’s most popular beauty spots, so it is vital that we preserve and enhance this area for future generations.

“This ambitious project – part of the council’s award-winning Tree for Every Citizen scheme – has gone a long way to achieving that and it is great news that the hard work of everyone involved is now being recognised on the national stage.”

It all sounds very impressive, but let’s examine some of Tallboys’ claims about the scheme:

Ambitious? Well, no one could disagree with that. The scheme, largely cooked up as a LibDem election pledge, was so ambitious that not only the wishes of local people but the concerns of animal charities such as the Animal Concern Advice Line and Scottish SPCA were ignored

Preserved? The hill has been torn up, fenced off, its wildlife scared away or shot.

Enhanced? The hill is scarred and badly damaged, an area that was a noted beauty spot and in places, still is. The deer, scapegoats for the failure of Phase One of the scheme, have been shot.

Whether or not more deer move into the area (as most wildlife experts without a vested interest in the tree scheme advise), the scheme is as likely to fail in the second phase as it did in the first. For a start, the soil is almost non-existent (as a government soil report advised campaigners years ago), and what is there is filled with rock, stone and decades of debris from the hill’s long-standing use as a de-facto rubbish tip.

The soil report also cites weeds as a prime factor in the failure of trees to thrive, though being planted on a windswept hill adjacent to the North Sea would hardly promote healthy growth. The hill’s weeds are already doing their work, the trees so fought for by those who stood to gain from the scheme already being left to compete with weeds for nutrients in the soil.

Nothing like 89,000 trees were planted. Little or no planting has taken place where gorse has actually been removed from the site. Nothing has been done to make good the scarred areas of the hill and, despite claims to the contrary, the land seems simply too rocky and too filled with garbage to support healthy trees.

There is little evidence to support Tallboys’ declarations of achieving anything positive whatsoever.

A smattering of evidence that Tullos hill just might be too rocky for tree roots and subject to wind toss. Tullos 18 Nov 12

This entire project has been and remains a sorry excuse for environmental enhancement. It could be the only enhancement from the project has been to the pockets of those contracted (and paid by the taxpayer) to exterminate the deer and remove natural habitat.

It is worth noting seabird populations in the area are down more than 50% since the 1970s; the loss of even more gorse habitat cannot help. Any similar exercise so lacking in public support and with such disastrous outcomes must not be allowed again.

Our intrepid reporter Suzanne Kelly will be writing to the Diamond Jubilee Woodlands Trust and Princess Anne’s secretary, including ‘before’ and ‘after’ photos of the devastation, details of the finances involved and proof of the lack of public support. She invites other interested parties to join her.

She says:

“I have absolutely nothing against trees or any well thought out environmental improvement scheme. But the Tree for Every Citizen project was carried out not only at all costs but against residents’ wishes, against the advice of experts and against the existing ecosystem that was in place.

“We now have a badly damaged meadowland, and meadowland is the fastest-disappearing type of ecosystem in the UK. In Aberdeen. I’ve seen meadows given up for development at an alarming pace while empty brownfield sites lie undeveloped.

“This situation needs to be addressed and in future the needs of all stakeholders taken into account. There must never be another ill-conceived, ego-driven, sorry excuse for environmental improvement like this again.”

P.S. CJ Piper, a company paid over £40,000 for its part in this scheme, helped prepare a report to the Forestry Commission which claimed only a ‘vociferous minority’ opposed the scheme; in it, proprietor Mr Piper suggested this ‘minority’ would quieten down after the deer were shot.

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Helena Torry Benefit Night 29 November

Aberdeen City, Featured, Opinion 1 Response »

Nov 202012

A fundraising event to support local activist Renee Slater in her forthcoming court case will be held on Thursday 29 November at Sopranos Bistro in Aberdeen’s Guild Street. With thanks to Friends of Helena Torry.

In the 2012 Aberdeen council elections, a candidate named Helena Torry was put forward by her agent, Renee Slater.

Nothing unusual in that, you might think, until you discover Helena is a dummy.

Not your usual political dummy, we hasten to add, but an actual shop mannequin!

Local activist Renee told Aberdeen Voice:

“Putting Helena forward for election was an act of political satire. I was trying to make a serious political point in a humorous way.

“During my campaign on Helena’s behalf, I tried to bring to the fore the point of view of a silent majority of Aberdonians.

“It was a direct response to what I saw as an under-representation of certain issues in the manifestos of the main political parties, particularly the closure of social centres for disabled people and cutbacks in community and youth work budgets.”

The council’s somewhat cack-handed response to the appearance of Helena as a candidate was to report 63-year-old Renee to the police. She was subsequently arrested and charged under Section 65 part 2A of the 1983 Representation of the People Act, then released to appear in court later.

Denied legal aid, Renee faces a court battle to clear her name in January 2013, not only having to foot her own legal costs but also facing the possibility of a substantial fine.

Fundraiser organisers Friends of Helena Torry is a group of local residents alarmed and disappointed at the council’s heavy-handed reaction to what is clearly a harmless act of political dissent, a type of political satire with a long and entertaining history.

Animals, inanimate objects and historical figures have been nominated for public office many times. Notable examples are American activist Michael Moore’s nomination of a ficus plant for congress and even Caligula’s horse (which apparently won) once featured in an electoral race. Even In the most recent U.S. presidential elections, the long-deceased Charles Darwin received around 4000 votes.

Friends of Helena Torry believe political dissent has an important role in a true democracy and should not be criminalised. Local authorities must respond to criticism in a morally acceptable way and should strive to act upon those criticisms in the interests of the public it serves.

One might think the police have more than enough to cope with as it is, that a court system under increasing strain must have more important matters to attend to than a piece of harmless satire, particularly one that actually brought a smile to a great many faces, not just in Aberdeen but around the globe.

Everyone is invited along to the evening. The fun kicks off at 7pm and will include live music from local bands and a raffle, so please come along and support Renee and join the campaign to free mannequin Helena (languishing in police custody to this day).

You can also donate or buy a T-Shirt or badge from the website:

http://www.friendsofhelenatorry.org/index.asp

All proceeds from the evening go towards Renee’s legal costs. Any surplus will be donated to a charity of Renee’s choice.

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Old Sushi No. 103 – Gone Fishin’

Aberdeen City, Satire and Humour 3 Responses »

Nov 162012

Voice’s Old Susannah surveys the past week’s events in the ‘Deen and beyond, and smells something fishy while she’s at it. By Suzanne Kelly

Tally Ho! The masked ball was a huge success socially and financially; its use of Union Terrace Gardens was inspired. This great common good asset made money both for the city (I assume a fee was charged for using UTG – it normally is) and for the charity – and all during hours the park would normally have been closed.

Organisers Balmoral Group announced they hit their £50,000 target with a thousand or so to spare, all for the benefit of the Friends of Anchor charity. What’s not to like? (Someone was there in a gold deer head mask: I wonder who that was?)

I have good news for all fans of great literature – news that can only add a touch of class to our City of Culture bid. It was reported at the weekend Aberdeen Journals Ltd is to branch out into fiction – and not just their usual P&J and EE kind of fiction, either.

Someone on the board must have read 50 Shades Of Grey and decided this was the way forward in the 21st century – yes, the Journals is to start its own erotic literature publishing company! Will this feature people sending in readers’ wives photos just like the EE does? We shall see.

No doubt this is a move calculated to stimulate young minds, and absolutely nothing to do with cashing in on the latest, no doubt flash-in-the-pan trend for cheap mummy porn. One wonders how one of their books might open? Hmmm…

“It was at an ACSEF meeting he first caught her eye, or rather her eyes lingering on his bulging portfolio just a tad longer than might be considered decent in polite company. His interest well and truly aroused, he quietly checked out her assets from beneath hooded lids while scanning her CV, impressed by its list of the quangos she had dominated while the taxpayer paid through the nose.

“But could she handle his inducement? Would she help with his erection if he gave her 50 million big ones? Could they spin a beautiful web together? Questions, questions, and as he chewed them over, she glanced in his direction, wondering how he would feel if she started talking TIF. She didn’t want to go too far, too fast, too soon. But she needn’t have worried. They were made for each other.”

With all the comings and goings of these past few weeks, I can’t help but feel something fishy is going on. The Scottish Government’s (legal? really?) insistence that UTG must be developed is giving everyone who cares about the park a haddock. At this stage, with the city divided, it is very shellfish indeed of Wood to continue carping on. Central government won’t clam up either: we either build over our park or it’s no TIF for us.

Pretty soon, the SNP/Scottish Government is going to have to tell us exactly what piece of legislation it is that enables them to insist we develop UTG if we want TIF funding for other projects. Several Freedom of Information requests await reply, very simple requests asking exactly what communications have passed between Holyrood, Sir Ian, ACSEF and the rest of the usual suspects regarding the future of UTG.

You might recall TIF in Scotland was rolled out as a pilot scheme, with no real rules about what land must or must not be developed. On the other hand, the TIF model as practiced in its US birthplace is already creaking, and creaking badly. Designed to be used only for the regeneration of disused brownfield sites in deprived areas, unforeseen difficulties with the TIF funding model in the States are in most cases causing havoc.

Here, we could be forgiven for thinking central government has something against the greenbelt and SSIs of Aberdeen City and Shire, or even that they have a secret agenda of sucking up to the rich at every opportunity. I wonder what discussions have taken plaice?

Our previous collection of councillors included an old trout or two, not to mention Councillor Coral. They were old school and fell for the Granite Web hook, line and sinker. Not since the days of the Krays has anyone had so much pressure piled on as our new councillors – but at least they aren’t out of their depth like the old lot.

BTW I didn’t set out on porpoise to do any bad puns, but I was having such a whale of a time at BrewDog the other night (where coincidentally people named Fisher and Squiddy work), that by some fluke fishy jokes just came to the surface!

Now it’s time to look back at last week and mullet over. Without further delay, I offer you a chance to trawl through my small school of definitions that I hope will be good for the sole.

Sturgeon: (proper noun) a particularly primitive type of large fish, has not evolved much in 100 million years

This particular bottom feeder lacks any real teeth, although its posturing makes it look most fearsome. It survives in its murky habitat (Holyrood) largely by using its large nose and sense of smell to navigate.

Though it tries to push smaller fish out of its way, the Sturgeon tends to be outwitted by smaller, quicker species. Mostly known in North America, the pallid Sturgeon has been seen in Scotland of late (Edinburgh specifically), where it reputedly swims with sharks. The Sturgeon in question is looking more pallid by the week.

Somewhat ironically, the future of this fish is in jeopardy – its natural environment has been negatively impacted by mankind, whether through overfishing – or excessive building. Our local politicians might well learn a thing or two from the Sturgeon’s decline.

Puffer Fish: (proper noun) genus of fish known for slow speed and deadly poison

The Puffer Fish writes PR prose, known as ‘puff pieces’. They may, for example, tell you to enhance your land by building glorified walkways and redundant theatres. Puffers might look a bit dumpy in stature but they are often garishly coloured (or have lots of expensive fashion accessories).

Their comic appearance should not deceive anyone; they are filled with some of the most deadly venom on the planet. They are highly sought after but can still poison clients who sample their wares e.g. the delicacy fugu is poisonous if incorrectly prepared. Still, people are willing to shell out plenty for puffer fish. though it should be noted they are not that quick to react to stimulation, and find moving quickly or gracefully rather difficult.

Salmond: (proper name) A rather common sort of a fish; goes with anything

The Salmond is identified with Scotland – an independent Scotland. Sought after and easily angled by rich businessmen who visit the Northeast in search of real estate deals, land and money.

The Salmond is one species which seems not to mind wind farms. Red Herrings are often found when the Salmond is in the area. This fiercely independent fish is often found swimming against the tide.

Craw Fish: (noun) a crustacean with large grasping claws; an omnivore, devouring plants and fish whether they are living or dead

Stitched Up Like A Kipper: (Eng. phrase; exact origin unknown) to be tricked, entrapped, cheated etc.

I can’t think why this phrase having to do with being badly used, manipulated and conned should have sprung to mind. If I can find any examples, I’ll let you know.

Well, I’d better get my skates on – sea you next week!

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City Schools Fail To Embrace Curriculum For Excellence

Aberdeen City, Articles, News No Responses »

Nov 162012

With thanks to Kenneth Watt.

The Aberdeen City Youth Council says that schools’ communication must be improved before the Curriculum for Excellence can be achieved.

The Youth Council’s forum event took place on Saturday 10th November. It hosted over twenty youth groups and charities, as well as councillors, MSPs and MPs. This ‘Showcase Event’ aimed to highlight issues facing young people in the city and set the agenda for the Youth Council’s year ahead.

A question and answer session held with Councillors Jenny Laing and Ross Thomson, the Convenor and Vice-Convenor of the Education, Culture & Sport committee, allowed the 70-strong audience to quiz the pair.

Topics covered included future school provision, reviews taking place and how the committee is planning on listening to the views of young people in decisions it makes.

One issue highlighted by young people was that communication in schools can be incredibly poor, with head-teachers reluctant to allow pupils to go to events such as the Showcase for fear of ‘showing up’ flaws in their school. The Youth Council also discovered that only a handful of schools have a pupil council, something which the audience unanimously agreed should be compulsory.

Barry Black, chair, said:

“With schools adopting the Curriculum for Excellence over the next year, it strikes us as worrying that few schools will distribute invitations to charity events, or information on youth groups that can help schools in the city.”

“The fact that we had to go to the Acting Director for Education to get a reply from some schools for an event designed to listen to the concerns of pupils struck us as absurd.”

“How can schools embrace the Curriculum for Excellence if they’re not allowed to develop themselves outside of the classroom?”

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