Jan 022014
 

By Bob Smith.
Planet Earth

Wull wi ivver hae peace on earth
Difference o opeenion causes fechts
Can wi see common sinse prevail
An sort oot wrangs fae richts
.
Nae muckle chunce a sadly feel
Greed an religion pull the strings
The puir struggle tae survive
Heicher prices hiv their fling
.
The warld an his mither are oot there
Buyin up aa they bliddy can
Cos they hiv the cloot tae buy
Goods fae China or Japan
.
Wull wi survive the yammer
Fer mair an mair tae hae
Or hive wi the collective will
Tae lave some fer anither day
.
The economy maan hae priority
Governmints an bunkers aye state
Tryin tae bowster warld economies
His  fair hertin’t the greedy trait
Wi hiv the lan wi hiv the sea
Tae produce aneuch fer us aa
Bit big business ca’s the tune
Buy mair an mair they jaw
.
A’ve nae problem wi religion
If yer aye free tae choose
Tae abide bi its doctrines
Or its ideologies tae refuse
.
Spirituality is far mair pleasin
Yer inner sel’ shud hae nae doot
Free yer spirit tae embrace
Fit the planet is aa aboot
.
Fin warld’s resources are near deen
An the planet his nae mair tae gie
Fowk wull roam throweoot the lan
Fechtin ower food an the richt tae be
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013
Image: Planet Earth ©Foto_jem Dreamstime 
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Dec 192013
 

E6EC252AWith thanks to Gavin Mowat, Constituency Assistant to Christian Allard MSP.

Christian Allard, MSP for North East Scotland, has signed an appeal for a nuclear weapons ban along with hundreds of Parliamentarians around the world and called on the UK Government to immediately halt its commitment to renew the Trident nuclear weapons system.

The appeal – coordinated by the International Campaign to Abolish Nuclear Weapons (ICAN) – aims to build global support for a treaty banning nuclear weapons. The call for such a treaty has been endorsed by more than 150 governments, the United Nations Secretary-General, and the Red Cross and Red Crescent movement. The SNP MSP commented:

“Banning nuclear weapons is a crucial step on the road to building global peace and security and I am delighted to add my name to the growing list of Parliamentarians that want to see a worldwide ban.

“These dangerous and costly weapons of mass destruction have no place in Scotland or anywhere in the world and I would encourage fellow Parliamentarians at Westminster to sign the ICAN appeal.”

Mr Allard is a member of the international group Parliamentarians for Nuclear Non-proliferation and Disarmament (PNND) that has more than 800 members across 80 nations, and he is also a member of Scottish Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament (SCND). Jonathan Russell, Chair of Aberdeen District Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament added:

“Aberdeen and District Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament are delighted that North East MSP Christian Allard has signed the ICAN declaration.

“We consider that governments around the world need to be working together to get rid of nuclear weapons which are a permanent threat to global security and the future of our planet.”

UK Defence Secretary Philip Hammond outlined the Westminster Government’s determination to carry on with the plan to renew the Trident nuclear weapons system in ‘The United Kingdom’s Future Nuclear Deterrent 2013 Update to Parliament’, which was released yesterday. The plans detail the UK Government’s commitment to pushing ahead with a full scale replacement of Trident at a cost of billions of pounds. Commenting on this latest commitment to Trident by the UK Government, Mr Allard said:

“This is further proof that Westminster has a callous disregard for the communities, institutions and politicians across Scotland that have all opposed the renewal of Trident.

“Having nuclear weapons based near Scotland’s largest city is completely unacceptable and I call for Westminster to halt spending on the renewal of the UK’s nuclear deterrent until after the outcome of the independence referendum on the 18th of September 2014.

“The only way to guarantee that Scotland will be nuclear weapons free is to vote Yes in the independence referendum.”

The French-born MSP encouraged people to join the campaign for nuclear disarmament saying:

“Anyone who wants to support the campaign for nuclear disarmament can join the SCND at their Annual General Meeting in Aberdeen next February.”

Scottish Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament will hold their Annual General Meeting on February 10, 2014 at the Belmont Picturehouse, Aberdeen where Flavia Tudoreanu, Assistant Coordinator of SCND will be speaking. More Info:

Link to the UK’s Future Nuclear Deterrent; 2013 Update to Parliament SCND facebook Link to ICAN website

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Dec 192013
 

Roger Waters2 by Duncan HarleyIs Pink Floyd front man Roger Waters an open hater of Jews or simply an opponent of injustice? – writes Duncan Harley

As a past defender of the Jewish cause, I have to wonder if there is a way forward for the lost tribe of Israel. My old pal Norman was indeed of that persuasion.
With a gentile wife, the occasional pothead, father of two and caravan owner exemplified the genre.

Not necessarily in that order of course. Mainly he was just a normal, well-adjusted resident of that mean city which we Scots call Glasgow.

Nice guy really, but after a wee drink or two, things often became intellectually rough.

I wished him well of course, but being Jewish by birth and with a “you would never even know” kind of persona, he was fated to be one of those guys you loved, but also loved to hate.

He and I got on really well until that fateful day in the August of 1992 when the question of the Holocaust arose during a so far, pleasant joint family trip to Findhorn.

There had been previous family holidays, trips down the Clyde on the SS Waverley and some very memorable picnics in those Campsie Glens. However, over a Guinness or two we fell out over that old question. Over a Guinness or two we failed to agree about that old question. Over a Guinness or two it all went bottom side up.

The problem was of course that Jewish colonisation of the Holy Land following  the Turkish domination of the Middle East, in the 300 years before 1914 and T.E. Lawrence’s attempts to unite the Arab Nations; plus, of course, the often vindictive treatment of the indigenous people of the area which is now occupied by the State of Israel. A heady mix indeed.

–          If Hitler had got his way, I wouldn’t be here.

–          What can you mean?

–          How dare you even ask.

–          Erm, not sure really. Hitler died before I was even born. My dad nearly died fighting against his airmen.

–          If Hitler had got his way, I wouldn’t be here.

–          So, if Hitler had invaded Scotland …

–          If Hitler had got his way, I wouldn’t be here.

–          Yes, I got that. But what about moving forward. I mean, the past is important and all that of course. The future might well be even more important perhaps.

–          Fuck you, you are a Jew hater.

–          Pardon me?

–          Fuck you, you have never seen your family humiliated.

–          Erm. Another pint good sir?

–          Fuck you, you have never had to suffer.

–          OK. That would be a no then …

–          Fuck you, you hate us.

–          Well I don’t hate you but I will certainly try if that will make you satisfied Norman.

In a refreshing interview this week, former Pink Floyd front man, Roger Waters, has spoken out loudly about the Palestinian cause.

Sparking fury from The Jewish Chronicle, he is reported as saying

“The Holocaust was brutal and disgusting beyond our imagination. We must never forget it. We must always remain vigilant. We must never stand by silent and indifferent to the sufferings of others, whatever their race, colour, ethnic background or religion. All human beings deserve the right to live equally under the law.”

He then proceeded to walk the talk down that thorny path of comparing the Israeli state’s treatment of the Palestinians to that of the Third Reich’s crusade against the non-Aryan races of the world.

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach of New York has seemingly said of Mr Waters,

“the Nazis were a genocidal regime that murdered six million Jews. That you would have the audacity to compare Jews to monsters who murdered them shows you have no decency, you have no heart, you have no soul.”

“If Rabbi Boteach can make a case for the Israel government’s policies, I look forward to hearing it. It is difficult to make arguments to defend the Israeli government’s policies, so would-be defenders often use a diversionary tactic, they routinely drag the critic into a public arena and accuse them of being an anti-Semite” replied Waters.

The debate, if that is indeed what it is, will no doubt continue.

Barack Obama has recently said

“I will continue to believe that Israel’s security is paramount.”

Many will wonder, however, if the US President is genuinely prepared to further escalate the turmoil in which the Middle East currently finds itself involved.

Many others continue to cling to the hope that the Israeli state will somehow be persuaded to substantially revise its expansionist policies and its habit of mistreating the Palestinian people, despite its seemingly deeply entrenched position.

The world is holding its breath in anticipation of a solution to the Israeli problem.

More Info:

The full “Former Pink Floyd” Guardian article
The Jewish Chronicle
An Avaaz petition to “Lift the siege of Gaza” 

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Dec 132013
 

Lucy and Pot - Duncan HarleyBy Duncan Harley.

The story so far:

Cody’s gran, Señora McLaughlin, has died in far off Santa Cruz at an undisclosed old age and her family have gathered round to say goodbye.
At some expense the old woman’s ashes are brought home after a family whip round.

Following the graveside ceremony, the mourners take time to reflect on her legacy in a clan gathering at the local pub. When the tab runs out, only Danny and Rob are left.

All of a sudden the bar door flies open and a white hoodied figure marches quickly in. Pistol in hand, he walks straight up to Danny and raises his hand in line with Danny’s head.

“This is from McAllister” he says, then pulls the trigger.

Danny had known a few dementia sufferers in his time. We all do really. The longer we live, the more likely it is that it will happen either to us or to one whom we know or love or even hate. Vascular, late onset, mid onset and that slightly uncertain early stage of the illness are all slightly unsettling. Especially for the ones left behind of course.

The onset can be insidious however.

–          Shall I have salt on my porridge Dave? Or maybe some honey?

–          Who are you talking to dear?

–          Dave of course.

–          Erm, Dave died at Normandy. He stepped on one of those landmines and bled to death. Don’t you recall? His obituary was in the local squeak. They said he was a sad loss, a hero as I recall.

–          Don’t be silly, he’s right here at the breakfast table. Can’t you see him?

–          Now, as I was saying Dave …

Best perhaps to have a wee defining heart issue or even one of those “he was sorting out the washing one minute then I heard a thud” episodes maybe.

Danny’s uncle Martin was largely undiagnosed until he reached the rank old age of fifty nine, at which point life became unusually interesting for Danny’s auntie.

Off Martin went to work each day to a job which had certainly been his some 20 years before.
The local GP was supportive in the extreme but, with no real diagnosis or indeed cure what could she suggest. Hide the car keys and consider a divorce before it’s too late was the best she could do between the administering of day centres and pills.

The tomato growers in the Clyde Valley had been Martins customers.

The company he had worked for had been out of business for a good few years. Nobody wanted Scottish grown tomatoes any more, the Spanish imports were just as red but much cheaper. Plus of course there were those lax custom regulations. The chance to import some mind enhancing substances was on the agenda.

The big growers had of course diversified into those Garden Centres. Some were of course quite legitimate, others were just money funnels for the Glasgow boys.

Not those Glasgow boys of painting fame of course, just “those” boys.

You know the routine.

–          Bring granny for a wee cup of tea and while you’re at it buy some stuff.
What stuff? No matter, anything will suffice.

–          Can we tempt Sir with a wee umbrella perhaps, black or brown?
Maybe a tartan umbrella or one with that Scottish Saltire emblazoned upon it? No worries Sir, we also have jigsaw puzzles and bird feeders for the back garden. Not that birds can solve the puzzles you understand, but just a suggestion. Always like to help and all that. Milk in that granny tea? A wee biscuit perhaps or just a bill?

–          We have Airfix kits galore, fun wellies replete with frog motifs and golf clothing for the buying. Fancy some nice brown brogues or some bargain publications?

–          We have books about most Scottish subjects. Wallace, Burns and tartan. Clans, Glencoe and tartan. Highland walks, those big mountains and tartan Victoria.

–          If Sir would like to view our paintings.

–          If Sir can take some leisure time to view the original and mainly manly complete toss, mainly manly unhealthy quality, mainly manly  stuff no-one  really needs much, teddy bears and pictures of those nostalgic Lancaster Bombers.

–          Spitfire’s and cuddly cats. Mind those you used to hang off the bedroom ceiling by a thread, the old ones are the best eh? Nostalgia and those Krays.

The keywords.

Tartan whisky, Munro kilts, malt grouse, highland games and those cabers. Highland dancing, that bagpipe lilt and men in kilts. White heather, Jimmy  Shand and Granny’s Heilan Hame.

The money of course often came from dubious sources. The accountants lived in big mansions just off the Bothwell Road.

Right next to those footballers wives spread legs they shovelled it into bank accounts well hidden and well contrived.

–          Fancy some shit, legitimate … honest.

–          I right pal. Think I just embarked from a banana boat or something.

–          Question mark.

–          Honest injuns.

–          I ok. How much?

When the gun went off, Danny had wondered if all was well. A last chance saloon, maybe a delusion or perhaps a good few too many.

–          Who the fuck are you came very much to mind.

–          Is this for real?

CLICK

–          Happy birthday ya big gobshite.  Meant to send you a wee card but at 50P a pop for that Post Office stamp stuff, never quite got round to it. Had a few I see, not a problem.

–          Mc Allister says hello and Happy Birthday.

–          Way hey, look at the state of you.

–          Only a wee joke, lighten up.

Danny had of course imbibed.

Not best pleased he reflected that Señora McLaughlin was still dead. He reasoned that her ashes were back in that Trinity Cemetery and the  family had grieved appropriately.

The bill for the cremation had been paid, the flight costs had been met and the bar bill had been covered. Well at least until 5pm. So no problem then. No unresolved issues whatsoever.

The gun to the head had been tempered by the drink but in the scheme way of things, the birthday message was unwelcome, very unwelcome in fact.

–          Mc Allister and Happy Birthday seemed an unhealthy combination somehow.

Another wee sniff might just make all the difference.

Mind you …

(to be continued)

Dec 062013
 

Duncan Harley looks at the Guns or Butter nature of 1940’s Scotland

Land army memorial - Credit: Duncan Harley

The Women’s Land Army memorial at Clochan near Buckie – Credit: Duncan Harley

With the outbreak of war in 1939, food production became the focus of various governmental initiatives. Rationing of basic foodstuffs, such as meat, butter and sugar was introduced and wild harvests, such as foxglove leaves, nettles and rosehip berries, were collected in season by volunteers, including schoolchildren, organised by the Department of Health and on an organised and quite massive national scale.

Government departments, such as the Herring Industry Board and the Potato Marketing Board, advised mothers to cook with locally sourced produce.

In a somewhat Orwellian style pronouncement the Food Controller for the North East of Scotland, Mr G. Mitchell, announced that:

“Scotland’s traditional fare, such as tatties, porridge and herring can play a significant part in winning the war.”

Dishes, such as potato carrot pancake and carrot pudding, were promoted as both foodstuffs and also as tonics. Carrot marmalade recipes were published in the local press and eggless oatmeal cookies vied for prominence alongside carrot and oatmeal soup in parish magazines. Both oatmeal and carrots were in good supply, eggs and sugar were, of course, extremely scarce.

Many Scottish golf courses were ploughed up to provide agricultural land and even coastal courses, unsuitable for the growing of crops, suffered the indignity of having  sheep and cattle let loose to graze the turf which, not long before, had been lovingly tended by the green keepers.

Following a record silage yield in a 1940 trial, Aberdeenshire’s Ellon Golf Club gave permission to a local farmer to spread manure on the course in order to increase the yield for 1941 and over 20 acres of the Aberdeen Hazlehead course also fell to the agricultural plough.

Other UK golf clubs resorted to humour to combat the enemy such this extract from the Richmond Golf Club Temporary Rules, 1941:

“ Players are asked to collect bomb and shrapnel splinters to save these causing damage to the mowing machines and  in competitions during gunfire, or while bombs are falling, players may take shelter without penalty for ceasing play.”

Families were encouraged to grow food where possible

Many golf courses, while willing to support the war effort, looked for ways round the issue of the destruction of fairways and greens and quite a few hit on the idea of producing silage for winter livestock feed.

The phrase “long grass on north east courses will help to win the war” became currency until the reality of shortage of tractors and indeed hands on scythes, struck home.

The aptly named Ministry of Fuel and Power had, in any case, urged farmers to conserve tractor fuel in order to ‘speed up the tanks’ which, by this stage in the conflict, were battling it out in the Western Desert somewhat ironically on top of the, then unknown and untapped, oil reserves which could easily have fed the North African Campaign’s war machine.

Families were encouraged to grow food where possible and the Dig for Victory campaign gained momentum as local councils freed up parkland and wasteland nationwide to form allotments.

All of these measures were, of course, seen as necessary due to the restrictions on imports imposed by the war.

In particular, the freeing up of supply ships for the import of raw war materials was viewed as vital and any reasonable means of reducing the level of unnecessary imports was sought. The classic dilemma of the Keynesian economy at war was simplified into a simple Guns or Butter equation and the ‘Kitchen Front’ was born.

The term ‘Kitchen Front’ was, of course, more applicable to the efforts of those, mainly women at that time, who actually worked in the household kitchens up and down the land. As they tried to make some sense of new ingredients such as powdered eggs and corned beef in order to feed their families, a multitude of agricultural workers slaved backstage to produce the raw materials for the nation’s diet.

The Women’s Land Army (WLA) had been a creation of The Board of Agriculture in the early days of WW1.

Plough - Credit: Duncan Harley and Janice RayneEstablished in 1915 when Britain was struggling for both agricultural and industrial labour the Land Army eventually peaked at an estimated total quarter of a million female agricultural labourers towards of that war.

In the Second World War the Land Army was re-established under the command of the Ministry of Agriculture and Fisheries (Minagfish for short) and given an honorary head, Lady Denman.

As an ex chairman of the Women’s Institute Sub-Committee of the Agricultural Organisation Society and founder of the Smokes for Wounded Soldiers and Sailors Society, or SSS as it was commonly known, she had some experience of both agriculture and the needs of a wartime economy.

At the start of WW2, Lady Denman at first asked for volunteers, but when those were slow in coming forward, the good lady was advised by the Ministry of Agriculture and Food that conscription would be required in order to fulfil food production quotas.

The Ministry of Supply appointed local co-ordinators to take charge of local recruitment and training and one such official, a Mrs Cook of Ballater, advised that the daughters of gamekeepers and smallholders would make ideal recruits.

In charge of recruitment for the Alford and Deeside areas, Mrs Cook was to be quoted in the local press as advising that “farmers now realise how well these girls have done in tackling general farm work.” However she doubted whether the demand for such labour could be met given the often conflicting priorities of the war time economy.

By mid 1944 the Women’s Land Army had over 80,000 members nationwide whose work had of course been supplemented by Italian and German prisoners of war.

Officially disbanded on 21st October, 1949, the WLA remained largely ignored in the history books and in line with the Bevin Boys and the Arctic Convoy seamen the WLA received scant recognition for many decades until NFU former president Jim McLaren, whose mother Katherine had been a Land Girl, recognised that there was no permanent memorial to the WLA in the UK.

Jim then set up a committee to rectify the situation and within 3 years over £50k was raised.

And so it was, on the 9th October, 2012, that Prince Charles unveiled the Women’s Land Army Memorial at Clochan with the words:

 “It gives me enormous pride to be able to join you on this exposed hilltop to pay a small tribute of my own to all of those remarkable Land Girls who did so much when the country was under threat.”

Overlooking the fertile fields of the Moray coast and designed by Yorkshire artist Peter Naylor, the Women’s Land Army memorial at Clochan near Buckie is well worth a visit if you are in the area.

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Nov 082013
 

On the Eve of Armistice Day and in the year before the 100th anniversary of that war to end all wars, Duncan Harley reviews Andrew Davidson’s new book which details the story of Fred Davidson, Andrew’s granddad, who against orders, took a camera to war.

fred's war cover duncan harleyAs one raised on titles such as Memoirs of an Infantry Officer, Goodbye To All That and All Quiet On The Western Front, I was excited at the prospect of viewing the First World War through the lens of a serving soldier, albeit a Medical Officer enlisted in the Cameronians.
The promise of a journal-type narrative enriched with over 250 original photographs seemed promising indeed.

Sassoon, Graves and Remarque had covered the genre almost a century ago in traditional narrative style. Indeed Philip Toynbee once described Robert Graves’s Goodbye To All That as ‘One of the best of the First World War autobiographies’.

Sassoon, of course, paints a hauntingly- beautiful picture of his experiences in the trenches.

The narrator, George Sherston, is wounded as a bullet passes through a lung when he rashly sticks his head over the parapet during the Battle of Arras in 1917. George is sent home to convalesce, and in another rash moment, arranges to have lunch with the editor of the Unconservative Weekly. The reader is left to wonder, what could possibly go wrong?

As for Remarque, day-time television channels still show the 1930’s film adaptation of his classic novel to this day. Born on 22 June 1898, he was conscripted into the German army at 18 and spent just six weeks in the trenches before being wounded by shrapnel. He was repatriated to an army hospital in Germany where he spent the rest of the war.

His classic narrative remains in print and a film for TV re-make was made in 1979, starring Waltons actor Richard (John Boy) Thomas as Paul Baumer and Ernest Borgnine as Katczinsky; it remains an unsurpassed classic.

Fred’s War has an unromantic title, probably deliberate given the rather earthy nature of the subject matter. Written by Andrew Davidson and lavishly illustrated with Fred Davidson’s actual war photographs, the narrative traces the young Fred’s path to France and his eventual return to Britain after being wounded.

The brave Fred is a newly qualified doctor from St Cyrus. His war turns out to be a great adventure. A Cameronian and later an Old Contemptible, he took pictures of his surroundings using a camera smuggled to France in a medical bag.

The narrative is full of descriptive elements many of which may be based on conjecture or on fellow officers’ journal entries of the time. On Christmas Eve the following exchange seemingly takes place,

‘Tommy, Tommy why do you not come across?’

‘Cause we don’t trust you, and you hae bin four months shooting at us’

‘Hoch der Kaiser’

‘Fuck the Kaiser’

‘Gott strafe England.’

Fred’s life in the trenches is described in some detail despite the author revealing,

He never talked about the wars he fought in and the friends he lost. But he did pass down the items that now sit in front of me: three photographic albums and a set of binoculars monogrammed FCD. He also left a framed collection of medals – now replaced by replicas, the originals having been lost to the family.”

Through the diaries and memoirs of Fred’s fellow officers we learn that, following Royal Army Medical Corp training, Fred is sent to join the Glasgow-based Cameronians (Scottish Rifles) at Maryhill Barracks. He quickly equips himself with an imported Buster Brown folding camera to augment his medical kit and begins taking portraits of fellow officers posed in the doorways and streets of Maryhill.

The images do indeed tell the story of a man despatched to war complete with a bellows camera

War breaks out after the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand in Sarajevo by the Black Hand, and in August 1914 the battalion is stationed beside the Conde-Mons Canal with orders to hold the position against the German advance at all costs.

This is actually a relief to many of Fred’s fellow soldiers who had feared being sent to Ireland to suppress the Irish unrest and defeat the Ulster Volunteers.

There follows a predictable description of the grim reality of static trench warfare, complete with blood, suffering and lice. Constant shelling, freezing conditions and trenchfoot abound. Mud, excreta and rats feasting on corpses are all around.

In terms of photographic content, this is a really interesting book. The images do indeed tell the story of a man despatched to war complete with a bellows camera. The monotone shots provide the reader with a unique insight into the day-to-day reality of what it was like to be there on the battlefield in the early part of that European war almost one hundred years ago.

The description of officers shopping for shirts and underwear defines the book well.

“Most of their kit has gone missing, cast off in the frantic retreat. Outside the railway station, they see a captured German Hussar officer marched under guard, tracked by a hostile French crowd, baying like dogs. Still no-one knows what will happen next.”

The title page proclaims: Fred’s War – A Doctor in the Trenches, an apt summary perhaps. This is after all a description of static warfare at ground zero.

In terms of historical perspective, it is perhaps a dull book. In terms of revisionist history, it says little which is new. The narrative promises much but delivers little except anecdotal diary-based material.

The strength of this book is in its images. Most have been unpublished until now and many show the same scenes then and now, a nice visual touch, allowing the reader to understand the changes in landscapes and townscapes since The Great War.

If you are a fan of the images of war, then this may be for you. If more serious history is your forte, then check out your local library in the next few months to see what else is on offer.

Andrew Davidson
Fred’s War
Short Books £25 (hardback)

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Oct 242013
 

Bullet holes Trinity Duncan Harley Janice RayneBy Duncan Harley.

Cody’s gran had passed a few weeks ago.  Not a huge surprise really since she had been some ripe old age or other.
The surprise was when the family learned where she had died. In the Canaries would you believe and with no travel insurance whatsoever!

What to do?  Return the body for a proper burial or lay her to rest in a far off land?  Ignore the whole thing and let the authorities deal with it all?  Cremate the remains and fly her back in a wee box?

“It’s no’ as though she had money set aside for all this” said Cody’s mum.

“I mean, she lived on her own in a wee flat in Torry.  How the devil did she get there anyway?   I mean, the Canaries of all places!  Jesus!  It’s a wonder they even let her on the plane.

“Buggered if I’m paying this all on my own, you’se will all need to chip in, no exceptions!  See that Ryan air!  No complaints; no refunds; no seats!  That O’Leary should be ashamed.  Him and that Branson Sauce man.  Bugger the both of them! “

And chip in they did!

A few thousand pounds emerged, plus some Euros – reluctantly in some cases – from the recesses of the family pockets.  And there was even a 50 Yuan note from some distant cousin who’d been to Tibet and just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t forget it.

Cody’s gran was duly, and legally, flown back to Aberdeen in a wee wooden box to await the opening of the family lair and the gathering of the clan.

TrinityCemetery lies not far from the beach and within sight of the creaking grandstands which are home to Aberdeen FC.  On a good day in summer the views are good and in all honesty it must be a good place to lie; providing of course that you’re dead that is.

The day of the internment was wet and miserable however, with a howling sleet driving inland off the North Sea and no weather break forecast for the next two days.

Wet jackets off and pints down throat seemed the order of the day

There was a good turnout considering.  As well as family there were Cody’s mates, plus a few neighbours of Mrs McLaughlin who, in all probability, had never taken much time over the old woman but who, no doubt, felt obliged to show face as an indication that they maybe had.

Cody’s sister Annie said a few words, as did his brother Jesse who had flown in from Orkney especially for the occasion.

“She was a fine woman,” said Annie, “always ready to help anyone and a pillar of the community.”

Sadly missed,” shouted Jesse above the blasting wind.  “Always made me rock cakes and let me play with her budgie.  Before it died, of course!”

After a few words from the minister, the ashes were duly lowered into the opened grave and an invite went out to gather at Guy’s pub for a wee libation and some of those dried up sausage rolls you get at funerals throughout North East Scotland.

There were, in all, about twenty folk assembled in the lounge bar, seated at various different tables according to how fast they had managed to get their after the graveside service.  Wet jackets off and pints down throat seemed the order of the day.  Cody’s dad had set up a tab but no-one knew how long that would last so the race was on to down a few drinks before economic reality kicked in.

His dad had worked on the rigs in the early days when men were men and oil was oil.  A big built man who took no prisoners, he had seemingly been impressed in his youth by the story of how Buffalo Bill Cody and his Wild West Show toured Scotland in 1904.

Tales of Sioux Indians and frontiersmen battling it out on Beach Boulevard and then proceeding by train up to Banff and Fraserburgh caught his attention and he vowed to name his future children after Wild West heroes.  Hence Cody Bill McLaughlin, Annie Oakley McLaughlin and in a rash moment Jesse James McLaughlin, came into being.

Cody’s mum’s protests that Jesse was nothing but a murdering bank robber who never even featured in the Wild West Show’s tours were as nothing.

A silence followed, broken only when Auntie Mary began to sniffle

Mr McLaughlin took after the Canadian Mounties and always got his way.  Needless to say, Jesse had a difficult time at school where he was nicknamed Sue.  Little did his mum know that Jesse was indeed a murdering bank robber who never featured anywhere except Crime Stoppers. But that’s another story.

Danny was seated three tables down from the bar still wearing the brown knitted balaclava which he had sported inside the cemetery.

“How you doin’ Danny, can I get you a pint?  Or a maybe a wee nip?  Or both?  Water in it?  Keep us a seat at the back eh!  Back in a mo.  Meant water in the nip.”

Drinks on table, plate of sausage rolls on plate and customary mug of tea in hand, I sat down between Danny and Cody’s Auntie Mary.

“Sorry for your loss Mary.  Never really knew your mum but I know from what everyone in the street said she was well respected.  Sad loss indeed!” 

“Cheers.  She was a bit dottered by the end but there but for the grace etc … How are you doing?”

“Great!  Workin’ here and there, doin’ this an that so canny complain really.  Even if I did, no-one would take any notice.  All good!  All good really; honest injuns!  Nice to see you. “

“She was a lovely woman.  Always there when you needed help.”

“They don’t make them like her nowadays, that’s all I can say!”

“Sad loss mind you!  Long life eh?”

“Aye right!  Very sad.  I remember when she used to buy her sausages out of Dougal McPhersons.  On Sinclair Road you understand, long gone now of course.”

“How come she was buried in the Trinity?” came a muffled voice from table three.

“Whit was that?”

“How come she was buried in the Trinity?”

The balaclava’d Danny had spoken.  A silence followed, broken only when Auntie Mary began to sniffle.  After a full thirty seconds she recovered composure and began to tell a tale.

“Well, when I was in primary, we lived in King Street just down from the old fire station.  Mum would often take us down the beach after school.  Used to take a short cut through the cemetery.  There’s a path down past Urquhart Road to Park Road if you know.  

“I don’t really remember when, but one day we were halfway down and we heard a throbbing noise up above.  I was too young to take much heed, but your gran knew what it was.  ‘Run! Get down!’ she shouted as a big blue aeroplane appeared overhead.  

“We stared as it passed over and I can still remember the gunner looking down at us as we lay flat on the ground.  You can still see the bullet holes in the gravestones.  My dad refused to let us go there after that.  Suppose that’s when he bought the lair.”

No one spoke for a bit.  Then the drink kicked in and folk began to tell jokes about the war, golfing heroes and that Union Terrace Gardens thing.

The inevitable Hitler had only one ball (Battle of the Somme in 1916?  No I just have one ball.)  Donald Trump’s hair do (Donald Trump said he still wants to look more closely at Obama’s birth certificate to make sure that it’s real.  Incidentally, President Obama said the same exact thing about Donald Trump’s hair.)  And Union Terrace Gardens (Tycoon Sir Ian Wood was set to inject £85million into a revamp of Aberdeen’s historic Union Terrace Gardens.)  Jokes abounded.

Turning to Danny,

“why the balaclava?”

“It’s a long story.”

I asked the barman for more tea.

(To be continued)

Oct 182013
 

Aberdeen and District CND 174With thanks to Gavin Mowat Constituency Assistant to Christian Allard MSP

Commenting on an interview by American investigative journalist and author Eric Schlosser in which he warned that the Trident nuclear weapons system had inherited design faults and safety flaws, Christian Allard, MSP for the North East, said:

“Scotland is a peaceful, progressive country and one where nuclear weapons have no place.

“Mr Schlosser’s comments highlight the safety concerns around Trident, the nuclear weapons system in Scottish waters, and add weight to calls for the unpopular weapons of mass destruction not to be renewed.”

In an interview for Channel 4 Mr Schlosser said that the Trident missile system, which is the principal nuclear weapon that Great Britain has, has safety issues that were revealed in a report to Congress more than 20 years ago – I hope in Scotland they’re very careful when loading and unloading the missiles.

Mr Allard, French-born member of the Scottish Parliament has joined the international group of Parliamentarians for Nuclear Non-proliferation and Disarmament (PNND), and he is also a member of Aberdeen and District Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament (CND).

The North East MSP said:

“I have always maintained that nuclear weapons and in particular Trident, are unsafe and that plans to spend £100 billion on their renewal would be folly. “

Jonathan Russell, Chair of Aberdeen and District Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament added:

“Nuclear weapons and Nuclear Power will always have the potential for accidents.

“Worryingly, on July 29th last year, there was a failure of both the primary and secondary sources of coolant for Nuclear reactors at the nuclear repair and refuelling facility at Devonport, Plymouth which could have led to a disaster on the scale of the one at Fukushima.”

Mr Allard added:

“The government and people of Scotland deserve the right to decide their own defence priorities, particularly as Westminster has already spent billions to renew the UK nuclear weapons system – despite the findings of Eric Schlosser.

“A Yes vote in 2014 is a vote for a nuclear weapons free Scotland, a safe Scotland.”

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Oct 042013
 

Somewhat surprisingly, the humble tea trolley is still available at a high street outlet or an online store near you, writes Duncan Harley. For readers under 25 years old this fact will perhaps mean little, but the Cambridge Dictionary Online is helpful as always and defines a tea trolley ‘as a small table on wheels, sometimes with an upper and a lower shelf, for serving drinks and food’.

Mr TrolleyCambridge Dictionary Online uses cookies and invites the casual enquirer requiring more information to read its Privacy and Cookies Policy.

The irony of using cookies may be lost on those who have never encountered the tea trolley first hand.

Suffice it to say that no tea party was ever complete without cakes, currant buns and
indeed cherry-topped cookies gracing the lower shelf.

The US definition is seemingly ‘a tea wagon or cart’ which seems more laidback given the pinkie-raised image of the afternoon tea trolley-equipped brigade of mid-20th century Scottish middle class suburbia.

All of this, however, meant little to HG Wells. Indeed he may never have used or even seen a tea trolley.

A prolific writer and former drapery assistant, Wells penned hundreds of stories, ranging from War of the Worlds to The Time Machine, during his lifetime. Born in 1866 during the reign of Queen Victoria, many of his books are still in print and his stories remain in the popular imagination as cultural icons.

A key figure in scientific and popular fiction, Wells wrote about rockets, submarines and amazing discoveries. He gathered a readership that, in the main, could never have imagined such impossible ideas as time travel and the invasion of earth from outer space. Aliens and monsters of the deep were his currency and his readers could not get enough of the stuff!

Cremated at Golders Green Crematorium on August 16 1946, he lived just long enough to see the end of the second war to end all wars and indeed the beginnings of space travel, as Hitler’s rocket scientists were feted and recruited into the US Space Programme. This was just months after they had been working on the so called Wonder Weapons which the German military believed would turn the tide of defeat into a victory surge for the Nazi regime.

But The History of Mr Trolley must surely be Wells’s greatest and lasting literary achievement.

According to some sources, Mr Trolley is based on the author’s early experiences in the drapery trade. Alfred Trolley is a bumbling and directionless young man with an innate sense of epithet. He uses phrases like ‘dejected angelosity’ when referring to the stone carving on a cathedral and ‘the shoveacious cult’ when referring to youth.

The tea trolley remains one of the great cultural icons of the 20th Century

George Orwell, in Coming Up For Air, portrays a man breaking out of the mould, just for the one day.

Wells writes about Mr Trolley in a similar vein.

Mr Trolley hates his wife, hates his shop and in general hates ‘that vast mass of useless, uneducated, and altogether pitiable people that we contemplate when we use the term, Lower Middle Class’.

The comments leave no doubt at all about Mr Trolley’s views on humanity.

The novel is perhaps a parody of Wells’s own life. Encouraged into the drapery business by a devoted father, Wells had failed academically. His numerous affairs and failed marriages are testament to his unrest.

In 1934 he wrote ‘I was never a great amorist, though I have loved several people very deeply’.

The tea trolley remains one of the great cultural icons of the 20th Century as indeed it should. Cakes and high tea are a part of the true Scottish heritage.

Mr Trolley may, of course, be an anachronism in the 21st Century.

However, it does seem somehow reassuring that Argos, Ikea and Tesco Direct still offer the aficionados of pinkie-raised taking of tea the option to use the things.

Available at £39.99 or below, and in various shades of grey, the tea trolley continues to amaze and delight those who still take tea of an afternoon.

A quick search on Google failed to return any useful results regarding how many tea trolleys are being manufactured in the UK these days, but there is little doubt that in some factory, in some god- forsaken district in China, there are lines of workers diligently assembling the ‘small table on wheels’ at the rate of dozens per hour.

As for Wells, he would have taken tea with the best of us.

With grateful thanks to HG Wells, Michael Rayne, Ikea and Golders Green Crematorium.
Photo credit: Janice Rayne

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Sep 192013
 

Aberdeen and District CNDWith thanks to Jonathan Russell.

NE Regional MSP Christian Allard will attend an evening of music and poetry to commemorate UN International Peace Day on Sunday 22 September.

The Blue Lamp event’s organisers are Aberdeen and District CND.

Mr Allard said:

I have been a member of Aberdeen and District CND for years, so I am delighted to attend the celebrations on Sunday.

“With uplifting music and poetry from a number of performers I am looking forward to joining others in promoting the ideas of peace, constructive aid and conflict resolution.

“Donations are welcome and people will be urged to join the movement for peace and for nuclear disarmament.

We in Scotland can be a strong voice for peace in the world.

“While International Peace Day is on Saturday, the event takes place on Sunday to allow members to join Scottish CND in the Rally and March for Independence.”

The MSP has submitted a Parliamentary motion of congratulation to the group.

Sunday’s events begin at 10am at Camphill,  Murtle Estate at Bieldside, with yoga teacher, Karina Stewart leading a moving meditation of 108 sun salutations. This will be followed by a light lunch and meditation, music and dance with the Kirtan Scotland band.

In the evening Aberdeen and District Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament will be holding  a concert of uplifting music and poetry at the Blue Lamp.

Evening of song and poetry
Sunday, September 22
Blue Lamp,
7.30pm

Contact: Jonathan Russell
07582456233

108 Sun Salutations, and Kirtan
Sunday, Septemer 22
Camphill,
From 10am
Contact: Karina Stewart
07974010465

More details:
https://aberdeenvoice.com/2013/09/international-day-peace-celebration-aberdeen/
https://www.facebook.com/events/163207347218933/?ref_newsfeed_story_type=regular

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