OS No. 56 – Charity Begins At City Council

 Aberdeen City, Articles, Creative Writing, Opinion, Satire and Humour  No Responses »
Oct 282011
 

Old Susannah reflects on what’s been going on, who’s got designs on our City, who’s doing what out of the goodness of their heart, and wonders if there’s enough ‘connectivity’ yet.  By Suzanne Kelly.

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It was another busy week in the Granite City. Have been busy decorating cupcakes with Sweet Lily Adams (it’s a hard life), and trying out new Jo Malone perfumes (I love their Gardenia cologne, and the orange blossom candle is my favourite).

NB: Jo Malone has absolutely nothing to do with Ho Malone, although the idea of Aileen and I having champagne and canapés together of an evening is an enticing prospect.
She is meant to email me back about the financials for the deer cull (we might not have enough money to kill stuff you see– or it could be a bluff).

Once she does write back, I’ll suggest that the two of us go out for drinks and dinner. Watch this space.

I actually went to some shopping malls without being accosted by guards, and I tried to avoid looking at the six design finalists more than was absolutely necessary. It was truly a car crash of an exhibition:  I had to force myself to look, and then in horror could not look away again.  Whatever the organisers say, not everyone at the show is convinced by the scheme or any of the designs by a long way.

The show has had a profound impact on me as has the TIF application – I think of these things and unavoidably burst out laughing.  You have to hand it to these people  – the emperor has no clothes on, but thinks it all looks fantastic.  If you are free on 1st November, The Moorings is hosting its own alternative design competition – details on Facebook, where the alternatives are far more popular than the official site.

For some reason when I was back at the Academy shopping centre for the first time since my last little visit, my mind turned to the old Benny Hill show.

The other week when the guards were chasing me round the Academy and St Nicks (for taking photos), I could practically hear the Benny Hill theme tune in my head.  If you remember, the wealthy, ageing Benny Hill surrounded himself with pretty blondes, and promised everyone that they would be generously remembered in his will. In the end, almost no one inherited a cent.

What on earth made me think of a rich, older man making promises to leave money to lots of people (including blonde actresses) I couldn’t tell you. The mind works in funny ways.  I must have got something stuck in my craw.

Obviously it was not as vibrant as being in a shopping mall, but I took my turn on Tullos Hill Monday night (yes, we are keeping a watch on the hill – if you want to get involved, get in touch) and saw a solitary deer on two occasions. 

It was obviously vermin, as it was peacefully doing nothing.  I am sure this little vegetarian would have eaten thousands of trees of a single evening.  A well-meaning man had a dog off a lead – the dog chased said deer away.  The man saw nothing wrong with this, saying his (fairly small) dog would not be able to catch the deer.  True, but not quite the point though is it?

Please let your dog run free if it will respond when you call it back.  If not, well, then don’t.  Wild creatures can be petrified in these circumstances.  In the past week and a bit we’ve a child badly bitten by a dog, a dog attacking another dog, and a charming man using his dog to attack police.  It’s just as well we got rid of dog licensing, isn’t it?

But onwards with a few definitions.

Charitable:

(adjective) generous, unselfish, giving behaviour.

Many of us here at Aberdeen Voice help out our favourite charities and causes when we can. But our efforts are quite second rate when compared to the heroic, unselfish, self-sacrifice practiced by some of the City Council’s officers. Step forward Mr Gerry Brough and Ms Jan Falconer.

These two have been working in part on a voluntary basis to make sure that we get something built in boring old UTG.  It is very generous of their employer, Aberdeen City Council to allow them to toil away on the garden project.

It was Jan who spoke to the Torry Community Council about UTG some months ago (Gordon MacIntosh had a dinner to go to instead of seeing Torry), and she promised everything would be spelled out and transparent.

I am convinced she is right – everyone on the City Gardens Project and associated companies has everything perfectly clear. And once the diggers move in, the rest of us will see what’s happening too.  Here is a statement from a report, spelling out how she works:-

 “I have only recently started in this project and the work I have undertaken other than attending meetings is administrative. My hourly rate exclusive of on-costs is £26. I work an average of 50 hours per week making an average of 200 per 4 weeks I work while I am contracted to 148 hours (37 hrs per week). I regard all other administrative and desk-based tasks as taking place during this 11  additional unpaid weekly hours (52 hours per 4 weeks less 8 hours for a flexi-day leaving 11 hrs per week)–which represents a cost saving of £2288 since working on this project from 2 February 2011. (i.e. 11 hours x 8 weeks @ 26 per hour = £3,120). Outwith this is Community Meetings to which I attended the Torry Community Council Meeting for 3 hours in my own time representing an additional saving of £78. This is my choice as I wish the project to be a success whilst following the Council’s instruction”.

Again, the real philanthropist is Sir Ian Wood, without whose promise of putting something into his will, we would not be where we are today.  (Hmm – who’s supplying the office space, light/heat, printers, consumables for all these extra hours?  What is the EU working time directive?  Just curious.)

Mr Brough has occasionally become a wee bit heated when discussing the whole situation, and has written to some local opponents of the new gardens that they are just jealous of Ian.   Here is an example of Gerry’s unselfish nature, hidden behind the sometimes less-than-genteel facade:-

“My hourly rate, excluding on-costs, is £46. However, I work an average of 55 hours per week. Therefore, I would regard all other administrative and desk-based tasks relating to the City garden project as taking place during the 17.5 additional unpaid weekly hours that I work for the council – which represents a cost saving of £20,125 since 6 October 2010 (i.e. 17.5 hours x 25 weeks @ £46 per hour = . £20,125). Indeed, it would be possible to claim that all City Garden work is effectively more than made up for by this additional no-cost time input. Consequently, it can be argued that any input to the City Garden Project is effectively on a voluntary basis, at no cost to the council”.

Bargain!  Only £46  per hour, and he’s willing to work extra at that rate!  I am impressed!  In fact, the amazing report that these quotes come from can be found at:

…. it has some real gems – like the fact they see no legal problems with getting the land and only 10 Freedom of Information Requests had to be dealt with.  You will be amazed as you read this; please be my guest.

While you and I could never hope to equal these giants of giving, who expect nothing in return for their efforts (not even a private sector job or promotion of some kind I am sure), I will take a moment to say that many local charities for people and animals need your help now.  Check out Voluntary Services, Contact the Elderly, Willows, New Arc  just for starters.

They are all in need of money, goods and if you’ve none of those to spare, they need your time.  Obviously you won’t get a carpark named after you, but you might wind up chatting to great people on a Contact the Elderly event, help out with animals, or do one of a hundred other things worth doing.  If you can, then please do get in touch.

Neutrality:

(adjective) impartiality, indifference,

Aberdeen City will not – so some claim – spend a single penny on anything to do with the City Garden Project.  Its officers might be volunteering their time and sitting on boards, companies and committees about changing our dreary Union Terrace Gardens from something Victorian to something 1950s – but it won’t cost us.

The people in Aberdeen who brought us the BiD funding are completely neutral and indifferent to whether or not the City Gardens Project borrows 70 million (probably a wee bit more – say 100 million) through TIF Funding.

This is proved by the BiD people sending out a very smart draft letter for businesses to send.  Here are some extracts from the text that an Aberdeen City employee is sending to local businesses (text in blue is mine):

“I have been asked by ACSEF (to) highlight [sic] that additional support is also required from local businesses to ensure that Aberdeen City can access TIF funding”. 

Well, that’s neutral enough for me.

“We would be grateful if you could consider writing to Barry White, Chief Executive, Scottish Futures Trust, 11-15 Thistle Street, Edinburgh EH2 1DF in support of Aberdeen City Council’s TIF (Tax Incremental Financing) submission” 

Aberdeen City is only asking businesses to write to the Scottish Futures people; it’s not biased at all.

“The TIF being proposed by Aberdeen City Council would unlock up to £80 million to deliver a range of city centre improvements as part of the city centre masterplan. At the heart of the city centre regeneration is the City Garden Project, which has already secured a commitment of £55 million of private sector investment with a further £15 million planned.”

Nothing wrong with a little unlocking, I say.  Who can argue with this factual paragraph?  Yes, sounds quite impartial to me.

“TIF is an invaluable and innovative tool for stimulating greater investment and regeneration, achieving major city centre transformation, and retaining and attracting existing and new business investment. It is therefore vital for Aberdeen to be selected as one of Scotland’s six remaining TIF pilot projects” 

Yes, they are saying TIF is great and it is vital for Aberdeen to get TIF, but I’m sure they really are as neutral as they first claimed.

“We hope that you will demonstrate your support for the Aberdeen TIF submission by making it clear that the Scottish Government needs to demonstrate its support for Aberdeen City and Shire by investing in the regeneration of Aberdeen city centre which, unlike Scotland’s other major cities, has received little or no public infrastructure investment over the last fifty years.”  

Yes, it is only fair that Aberdeen gets its own tram fiasco by having a big infrastructure project.  I do seem to remember that Audit Scotland thought things were so messed up here that we weren’t supposed to do anything big for a while.  But you can’t fault the City’s claim of neutrality just because they are asking businesses to beg for TIF.

Some of you out there might be starting to doubt whether or not the Aberdeen City BiD people are neutral when it comes to the City Garden Project getting TIF funding.  This excerpt from a letter from a Bid Bod should end any doubt:

 “Aberdeen BID is entirely neutral with regard to the City Garden project …”

So yes, Aberdeen City Council and its BiD people are neutral, they are just keeping businesses in the loop, and giving them a letter of support to sign so we can borrow somewhere between 70 million and 100 million (depends who you ask, really) for your great-grandchildren to pay off for building Teletubbyland. Neutrality to match the volunteer work, you might think.

It might sound like it’s asking for help from businesses getting TIF, but they have said they are  impartial so that’s that.

One tiny part of this impartial letter requires a little more study:

I draw your attention to what might be a typo (or a Freudian slip) in this letter which I found amusing (underlining is mine)

“ACSEF is a public private sector partnership that seeks to grow the economy and enhance its quality of life through a joined-up approach. With the private sector standing shoulder to shoulder with the private sector, ACSEF has facilitated, influenced and delivered a variety of major projects that are helping the region and Scotland to meet its growth targets”

Is the private sector going to stand shoulder to shoulder with itself – or is that exactly what the creation of ACSEF with taxpayer money has created and what we should be grateful for?  Answers on a form letter, please.

Just to show that I too understand neutrality, here is a link to a letter you can send to Barry White.

Tell him you don’t want a giant worm or a monolith that will cost someone, somewhere down the line tens of millions – if not one hundred million pounds.  Tell Barry the designs are awful, and the city needs to attract people with excellent schools, great medical facilities, safe, clean streets, and support services for those who need them.

No one is going to live in our city because it has more parking, more offices or a few giant concrete ramps where once 400 year-old trees once stood.  Use this letter as it is; customise it, or send your own to :  Barry.White@scottishfuturestrust.org.uk

Next week:

The  mystery of the uncomprehending Chief Executive, and the Case of the Missing Postcards in which Valerie Watts only receives 35 of the hundreds of anti-cull postcards created – over 60 of which were hand delivered by Old Susannah to a security guard who commented ‘loads came in’ that week – and the week before.  Where are the missing postcards?  Did deer eat them?  Answers on a postcard please – or get one of the remaining postcards and send it to the City – pop into Lush for your card – and some very nice ‘candy cane’ soap.

 

OS No. 55 – At A Loss For Worlds

 Aberdeen City, Articles, Community, Creative Writing, Information, Opinion, Satire and Humour  No Responses »
Oct 212011
 

Old Susannah looks back over a week in Aberdeen which felt like a month whizzing by in a day and wonders how much of it was real, and how much more connectivity she can make sense of.

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The past week in the Granite City was as vibrant and dynamic as you could have hoped for.  There were walks and photos on Tullos Hill, and photos taken on Belmont Street, to the outrage of security guards.

The opening of the exhibition at the Pier (that’s one of the empty shops at the Academy shopping centre in case you didn’t know) for the six design finalists was of course the pinnacle of everyone’s week if not existence.

On the VIP ONLY opening day, an entire 5 people showed up before 9am to marvel at the designs.

These were our very own Lord Provost, Jennifer Craw, Aileen ‘Ho’Malone, Kate Dean, and a charming blonde woman with clipboard, supposed by many to be Zoe Corsi from the BIG Partnership.

It was as if all my Halloweens had come at once.

She saw me about to take a photo (yes, I fully admit I was going to take a picture, it is a fair cop) and came out of the building to tell me photos weren’t allowed.  Laughingly I told her that I was on a public street.  To teach me a good lesson I shan’t soon forget, she said ‘OK then’ and obligingly struck a pose.  I feel obliged to reproduce it here, along with the picture that Security initially banned.

Look away now if you are of a sensitive disposition.  It all becomes clear why they were so keen to stop me.

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There are six finalists.  The competition was very, very stiff (so stiff I suspect rigor mortis had set in), and there were many good submissions.

But there can be only six. Choosing these finalists was very difficult, and a bit of an agonising process as well, I don’t mind admitting.  And I put my hand up – there is no way I could do a better job than any of these finalists; and probably could not have done as well as they did either.

All are to be congratulated for getting this far, and I mean that sincerely.

Without further ado here are the six finalists – for the best reviews of the preposterous, ridiculous, unworkable, ugly, childish, regressive, anti-elegant pieces of tripe which were shortlisted to destroy Union Terrace Gardens.

1.  The Monolith

A beautiful and concise summary of the design which looks like a game of Jenga played badly at 3am.  Nothing to do with Aberdeen.  Even less to do with the garden.  Everything to do with’ 2001: A Space Odyssey’.    In the words of those on Facebook (which all the young people use for ‘connectivity’ and so on), the Monolith design is something ‘we can worship at the foot of’.

The supporters of Monolith are 30 strong,  at the time of writing, the Official City Garden Project Exhibition Facebook site has 68 members.  Yes, that’s right:  the ‘silent majority’ who want the gardens built on have come out in full force.  Please do visit the Monolith Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/VOTEMONOLITH?sk=wall for a full set of photos, and some colourful prose.

2.  The Alternative City Gardens Design Contest

The artwork here is superior to anything you will see in the Pier.  The people who created this page understand design principles, scale, colour and aesthetics to a degree our shortlisted official designers can only dream of.  There are pterodactyls, sunken Statue of Liberties, giant slides, flying saucers and other elements worthy of your attention.  The designs I see on this page are as affordable, attainable and desirable as anything you will find in the Pier.  Please register your approval at:

https://www.facebook.com/VOTEMONOLITH?sk=wall#!/pages/Alternative-City-Gardens-Design-Contest/251979328187602 At present this worthy effort has 40 people who like it.  Do scroll all the way down, or you might miss the ‘Colossus of Woods’.  Beautiful and stirring.  And I do like stirring.

3. TeletubbyLand

I nearly spat out my Tubby ‘ustard and Tubby toast when I came across this entry, immediately shortlisted as one of the six finalists.

Yes, someone has gone back to the set of the Teletubbies and re-created all those walkways.  I see no potential problems with concrete walkways ascending and descending some 50 feet or better above the gardens.  No one will fall, jump, slip or be pushed; they will be great for bobsled practice in the winter, and police will be able to respond to any crime on the ground in seconds.

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If we covered these great concrete slabs with something to stop anyone throwing empty beer cans at those below, then we’d have a giant cage.  Result!  A Facebook poster has revealed that Tinky Winky is the mysterious £5 million pound donor towards the garden project going ahead.  To this particular vision of our future, just say ‘Po.’

I only hope there will be a chance in all of this for me to attend an event where the designer(s) of Teletubbyland have to explain to a room full of grown-ups just what they were thinking.

Oh, and as reminder, for the shortlisted designers, a prize is awarded of somewhere in the region of £135,000.  £135,000 for a drawing of the set of a kids’ tv show or a monolith.  I must go find a definition of either ‘value for money’ or ‘old rope.’   Dipsy would be proud.

4.  The Giant Glass Worm on ‘The Future Is Here’

We aren’t supposed to reveal who any of these creative masterminds are, but when you visit this website – which is a must – you will soon realise that No. 4 and No. 5 of my shortlist are both by this design giant.  His observation of the glass structure proposed somehow to cover pedestrians, cars and trains may be one of the worthiest submissions yet:

“The worm doesn’t actually devour the humans, It appears to simply wine and dine them. Like a giant larval bad date” – Fraser Denholm

Obviously there won’t be any issues with air quality, safety, cleanliness (or just plain stupidity) if we make a giant glass worm cover people, trains and cars.   Will smell lovely inside I’m certain.  Birds will persuaded not to deface the beautiful worm by either defecating on it or crashing into it.  Likewise vandals would never be tempted to do anything to a giant glass structure covering a road or train track.  Why didn’t we think of this sooner?

Hats off to you Mr Denholm.  A job at Foster & Partner surely awaits.

The best part of the serious submission is some giant banners in the worm’s body which for no particular reason read ‘science’  on them.  These will soon be for sale as tea towels in every city centre souvenir shop which this project will deliver.
http://fraserdenholm.blogspot.com/2011/10/future-is-here.html

5.  ‘I can’t believe it’s not Halliday Fraser Munro!’ (the underground bunker with no ventilation and with trees without roots growing on top of it).

Mr Denholm delivers some spectacular laughs, but we do have only six places on the shortlist.  His prose is brief on this lovely design, but is incisive.

This design gives us all the underground lifestyle we can only dream of – no sun, no natural light, and not even any air vents of note, for if they were included, they would be very large and visible in the garden.  The garden features giant trees which very thoughtfully don’t  need to have any roots.  Most plants have underground parts that are at least as large as their ‘aerial’ parts.  Not these ones.

Four-hundred-year-old trees are so yesterday. 

Get rid of those, the things living in them, and get some of these magic, rootless trees.  Denholm also correctly identifies the rice paddies (they can’t be anything but) which grace another shortlisted design.

With all this connectivity business,  I’m starting to wonder whether all these people pushing the project forward are in some way ‘connected.’  Maybe even well connected.

6.  The Garden of Earthly Delights (H Bosch)

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Normally in an important competition, it would be wrong to include yourself, friends or family members, but this is my late-breaking entry for the competition.  It’s not as if there are any family ties between the official competition companies, entities, sponsors, backers and so on.

Feel free to vote for my design, which is also on the Alternative Garden Project site.

I think it nicely captures the place where the garden scheme movers and shakers are heading.  And it’s got a space for musical performances, and access at all sides.

When you do visit the Pier, pay attention to all the lovely drawings.  See the trees that cannot exist if something is built under them.  See the lovely people walking around casually, just like you’ll be doing in February.

See the complete absence of logic.  If Star Trek’s Mr Spock were real and went to this show, he’d have a breakdown.  Comfort yourself with the fact there are several good pubs nearby.  You will need one.

And there you have it.  I have sadly taken up so much space with the finalists that there is only room for one definition.  For some reason this sprang to mind.

Boycott

(noun, verb – modern English)  to embargo, ban or cease trade or activities with a person, company or entity. 

Folks – has someone or some company taken advantage of your good nature for too long?  Is, say, a football mogul asking you to ultimately pay (via an ‘uplift’ in retail tax) to turn your Victorian garden into Teletubby land?  Has such a person sent letters to the press ‘warning’ that unless we build a monolith or worm, the city is going to fail?  Has a certain chemist likewise said that a concrete spider web will save us and we must all stick to it?  Has a certain councillor said that you need to support a monolith and monorail?  Has a hotelier called you a luddite NIMBY for not wanting a big bunker in er, your backyard?

Whatever can you do about it?

Well, if you wanted, you could boycott these and other like-minded businesses and business people.  Don’t shop with them.  Don’t use their premises.  Don’t for the love of Pete vote for them.  Don’t spend your hard-earned money to watch their football team lose, and don’t (for many reasons) buy a house from them.

If everyone were to boycott people who used their power in ways the public did not wish, then things would change.  And not into a giant worm either.

Next week:  who knows?

Reminders: 
1. Please keep your artwork coming for the Union Terrace Gardens art contest, which (because of lots of stuff) has not closed yet.  Alternative designs for the garden project most welcome.
2. Anti-deer cull postcards still available – get in touch if you need some; I know where they can be found.

 

Security Or Censorship? Photos Banned Near UTG Show

 Aberdeen City, Articles, Breaking, Community, Featured, Information, News  No Responses »
Oct 152011
 

Aberdeen Voice reporter Suzanne Kelly attempts photography around Union Terrace Gardens Design Exhibition, only to be threatened with police and forced to delete some photos from phone. 

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Last week a news story showed just how far security had over-ridden basic civil rights, as a father from Glasgow was apparently cautioned by both private shopping mall security and police. He had taken a photo of his daughter atop a child’s seat within the confines of the mall in question. It seems signs warned shoppers against taking photos, and this otherwise perfectly harmless photo wound up being a cause celebre.

A Facebook campaign to boycott the mall was organised, and the suddenly contrite shopping mall seemed to have changed its colours.

Perhaps Apardion Security (motto: “job done”) which work Aberdeen’s Academy Shopping mall and Aberdeen City Council didn’t get wind of this story. 

Despite absolutely no signs prohibiting photography being visible in the mall itself – despite my taking a photo while standing on a public street of a poster – I was followed by security from one mall to the next, cornered, threatened with police and legal action being implied –  and forced to delete some (but not all) photos from my phone:  from a guard who refused to say who he was or who had given him this instruction to stop photographers.

I had spent a pleasant morning at an event in town – Prince Charles had arrived to unveil and dedicate a statue erected to commemorate the Gordon Highlanders.  It was a great  morning, a well-attended event, and provided a good opportunity to talk to Gordon Highlanders, who were all happy to talk about this now legendary unit, sadly resigned to history in 1994.

At the end of the event, I bumped into two separate people who had been taken aback by the over-enthusiasm of security guards at the Academy Shopping Mall. 

The mall, with several vacant shops, is to be the home of the public exhibition of the six designs shortlisted to win a competition to replace the city’s Victorian Union Terrace Gardens with some form of design centre/parking/shopping/’cultural’ space. 

The actual competition shop is not within the Mall itself but in the old ‘Pier’ outlet on Belmont Street, formerly a Presbyterian Church which houses a tribute to Mary Slessor. Aberdeen’s other memorial to Mary Slessor lies in Union Terrace Gardens and would be obliterated by any new design. 

Many journalists have written to reflect the public’s dismay at the proposal to change the gardens.  They are the remains of the Denburn Valley as landscaped in Victorian times.  They are the only city-centre green park and contain listed, ancient trees – some of the few trees in the City Centre, seen as vital against air pollution. 

The City it should be rememembered is nearly £500 million in debt, and does not have money for this project, estimated to cost upwards of £140 million. 

A local millionaire has offered £50 million to change the gardens into something else, an anonymous donor wants to give another £5 million, and the rest will come from Tax Incremental Funding if the City succeeds in a bid to be one of the pilots of the TIF scheme.  If TIF is secured, local retailers will pay increased rates if the area is commercially successful (so trees are not exactly what’s wanted).  And as is suspected, such increased taxes on the retailer will be passed onto the consumer in the final analysis.

With the tales of the two people being harassed, I went to Belmont Street where the space for the exhibitions has a large glass front. 

I took a photograph of a long, thin poster advising that the public display of the shortlisted designs would be forthcoming.  I also stood on the  steps of the shop front (where absolutely no signage warned me against taking photos), and took a single shot of the poorly draped glass window and the paltry displays that were being set up.   Then I left.   

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I went inside the Academy shopping centre itself, and noticed a poster saying what shops were in the Academy.  This poster, on a round pillar, advised that several of the shops were vacant.

I thought that would be a good photo.

The premise of those who want to build in Union Terrace Gardens is that shops will revitalise Aberdeen. Aberdeen’s problem, as any first-year economic student would confirm, is not a lack of shop spaces.

Vacant shops are found all across the city centre, as large multinationals offering cheap goods (often made abroad) are taking customers who in more stable economic times would probably have preferred to buy from local shops.

As I was considering this shot I had my mobile in my hand, and was suddenly very aware of a security guard eyeing me as if I were a criminal.  I made a quick call to a friend to say I was going to Marks & Spencer, and I left.

you took photos of an exhibition which isn’t even open to the public yet

I had by now taken three photos – one of the poster visible to all the world on Belmont Street; one standing on the steps of the shop where the exhibition would be, and one inside the academy showing the rear of the exhibition area.

Upon entering the Bon Accord & St Nicholas Mall, I was immediately stopped by a security guard.  The
dialogue was along these lines, but this is not verbatim (text in blue is the writer):

“Are you the woman who took photos inside the Academy shopping centre?”

“I was on my phone”

“You were seen taking photos and you are not allowed to”

“I didn’t see any signs – who says photos aren’t allowed?”

“you took photos of an exhibition which isn’t even open to the public yet”

“I took a photo of a poster when standing on Belmont Street”

“you also took photos through a window”

“Yes I did – where does it say I can’t do this?”

“If you don’t delete those photos right now I am going to call the police”

“I might call the police myself”

“There is no sign telling me I can’t take pictures”

“we can’t have a sign up telling you everything that’s not allowed”

(at this point the guard, in a deep blue t-shirt with photo ID spoke into his radio)

“This lady is being difficult” he told the person on the other end

“Look- I’ll show you my photos, and you can tell me which ones to delete, OK”

We then looked at my photos.  There were only three.

“Look at this one” I said “you can’t even tell what’s behind the window at all”

The guard didn’t make me delete this.

“And here’s another photo – do I need to delete this?”

The guard did not reply, and I did not delete these photos.  We then came to the photo of the poster

“You have taken a photo of an exhibition which is not even open yet”

“I took this photo while standing on Belmont Street in public – why do I have to delete that?”

“We will call the police”

“What is your name – let me see your ID”

(at this point the man in his 40s, balding, slightly chubby and about 5’5 or so turned his photo ID  badge around so I could not see it)

“I think  your surname started with ‘E’”  “My name is Suzanne”

“I don’t need to know who you are and you don’t need to know who I am” he cut across me.

I deleted the phone photo he told me to.

I had moved – deliberately – outside the shopping centre and stood by the very clear, permanent sign which had symbols of prohibited activities.  In the heat of the moment I noted ‘no radios’ ‘no eating’ ‘no skateboarding’ – but no ‘no photography’ sign.  I mentioned this to the guard.

“We are in a public place now, arent’ we?” I asked “yes”

“Well, then I think I’d better take your picture as you aren’t going to tell me your name”

At this point I took a photo of his back as he scurried away, and another of the prohibited activities poster.

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The public are largely against borrowing money to build in Union Terrace Gardens, this was reflected in a public consultation.

Those who are determined that something should go there now have no fewer than 9 entities – either specific vehicles invented for the project, private companies, the quango Scottish Enterprise, and the local economic forum ACSEF promoting the project.  There is also a public relations company (which also apparently represents the Wood Family Trust, involved in the project), the Big Partnership.

It seems as if one or some of these entities are very keen that no one should get any press on the exhibition, certainly no photographs.

Perhaps they will be pleased with the public relations the heavy-handed security measures have provoked.  Perhaps not.

But if those behind the Union Terrace Gardens ‘design’ project do not want the poster  advertising the event photographed, may I kindly and gently suggest it not be posted on a public street?

______________________________

At the time of publishing, the shopping mall’s staff are unable to comment, and suggest I contact the manager on Monday.  Two security guards are apparently standing in front of the storefront on Belmont Street this afternoon, and are reportedly stopping anyone taking any photos.

 

Old Susannah No. 53 – Let’s Cull The Whole Thing Off

 Articles, Creative Writing, Satire and Humour  No Responses »
Oct 072011
 

Old Susannah reflects on what’s been, what’s going on, what will and won’t happen, and reaches for a pen and a paracetamol.  By Suzanne Kelly.

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What a week it’s been. There was the massive march against the budget cuts, which just goes to prove that some unions and people just don’t understand finance and what’s really important.

Old Susannah talked to a poor misguided woman fire fighter, who for whatever reason didn’t want to lose her pension or have her wages frozen or cut.

This poor lady couldn’t see the money-saving bonus of the proposed merger of Scotland’s fire services into one big happy family.

I think we’d save even more if we threw the police and teachers into the merger – we could  teach people how to put fires out themselves, and how to arrest anyone starting a fire.

The march even had some people who did some kind of job called ‘classroom assistant’, but I understand this is just a passing fad, and the title and job are being done away with.  Just like schools.

And let’s face it – we definitely have too many teachers.  Since we’ve closed most of the schools anyway, things like teachers and classroom assistants don’t seem very necessary, vibrant or dynamic.  Most young people who don’t get good education and especially those who get excluded from school go on to commit crimes, or so a new study has just shown.

The most forward-thinking thing we can do is just cut out the schools altogether, and let the young people get any education from the super prison we’re building.  Think how much we can save.  We might even be able to afford disinfectant for hospitals.

This week also saw the Friends of Union Terrace Gardens hold their AGM (more on that elsewhere in the Voice). 

The excitement is mounting for the upcoming design competition display in the Academy Shopping Centre (The Academy of course has empty, unfilled shops – but let’s just keep building more shops anyway – good for the building trade and all).  

Old Susannah did briefly study architecture while studying art and design, and can’t wait to see what a street-level space which still retains the natural valley topography (while incorporating ground-breaking coffee, parking and shops) will look like.  If it could only be as pretty and well-loved as the Diana memorial fountain in Hyde Park (a great water-saver, as it usually doesn’t work). 

Perhaps we should just get rid of everything

Will the winning design echo the existing architecture as the current garden does?  Perhaps we should just get rid of everything and start with the garden project winner, knock down the surrounding terraced buildings, and get the monorail in the picture, too.  

 As far as money-saving is concerned, perhaps we could have either stuck with the original consultation result – leave the gardens alone, or been really radical and asked for a referendum before agreeing to have the six designs go on show.  Does everyone know that the shortlisted entries get a nice sum of cash for getting this far?  Better than being on X Factor, really.

And please step forward Gerry Brough, council official and City Gardens Project supremo.

If you read the minutes from the Garden Project clan (the bits that aren’t redacted anyway), you will see that Gerry announced that the public would not get a chance to vote for leaving the gardens alone at this stage.  Yes – you can only choose one of the six designs. You do not get a choice to say leave the gardens alone.  Of course, no one is stopping you from writing your own comment on the ballot paper awaiting you at the Academy.

I just hope you get a chance to appreciate the grand designs without those Friends of Union Terrace Gardens people showing up to give their side of the story and opinions on the shortlisted designs and architects.  That would be awful.

The big story of the week of course – the Lord Provost’s wife appeared in a charity fashion show.  (I really must have a word with my postman – that’s another invitation that never reached me).

But it’s time for some definitions.

Mistake:

(Eng noun) An error, incorrect assumption, or misjudgement.
Alas, I was spending a leisurely evening reading old City Council documents (where I could anyway, around text that was redacted), when I came  across an old ‘Aberdeen Works’ document from February 2010.  This group (more on them later) decided:-

“It was agreed that in future, all papers for Aberdeen Works meetings will go onto a webpage which is not accessible by the public”.

I decided to take this latest bit of newly-discovered secrecy up with the City.  To his credit, Cllr McCaig is straightening the matter out, and I will soon be able to read more of what this  group is up to.  It was actually admitted that a mistake was made – this is some kind of first for the City – admitting an error, and fixing it all in the space of a few days.  Will this catch on I wonder.

When running consultations, it is best to try to avoid mistakes.  Hypothetically, if you wanted to turn a windswept, arson-swept hillside meadow into a working forest, you’d try to have a completely comprehensive consultation, avoiding any mistakes.  It might be a mistake for instance, to secretly plan to blast the existing wildlife to smithereens and expect the public to be indifferent when you were discovered.

It might also be a mistake to say that the tree scheme was ‘cost neutral’ – if you didn’t have all your funding already agreed.

Obviously no one in our City is dumb enough to make mistakes like that.

What would be really, really foolish would be to leave ‘stakeholders’ out of a consultation like this.  For instance, people, schools and businesses bordering on your future tree paradise might take exception to being left out of the loop.  Some people don’t like gunmen with rifles shooting on a hill where junior is riding his moped or where granny is walking rover.  These people might get angry enough to protest – or worse:  vote you out of office.

But people are just people; they don’t have any real power.  What you would never want to do is leave an important, powerful ‘stakeholder’ out of the process.  Just for example, if your heart was set on shooting animals to plant trees which you’d failed to plant correctly the first time ‘round, you’d want to make sure that your neighbours weren’t anyone powerful.  Oh, for example if say a railroad ran next to your dangerous rubbish tip or near the gas pipe on the hill you want to plant, you would make absolutely sure you asked their permission first.

Of course there would never be a fire on your hill, or an explosion near where the signs say ‘danger of explosion’.  This might make the railroad a little nervous – even possibly a little angry.

So if you’re out there and planning any kind of consultation, do make sure you get your facts right, have the money in place, and that your powerful neighbours and stakeholders are totally behind you. Otherwise you might wind up looking like an ignorant, interfering, egotistical bouffanted baboon.

Apology:

(Eng. Noun) an expression of regret, remorse for making a mistake (see above)
If you make a mistake, some people might expect you to make an apology.  Now an apology is a very rare thing, but it has been given to the lucky people of Stonehaven. And so tonight, they are all feeling much better for it.

very, very sorry – but no new school will be coming

A certain property developer seems to have been (per usual) given the green light to build some housing in Stonehaven, and allegedly people who would live in these houses were going to have children – children who needed school.  

But nearly 100 people were given an apology instead  of a school by Aberdeenshire’s Anne Robertson, as well as Head of Resources for Aberdeenshire Council’s education department, Werewolf (Wilf Weir).  Roberson and the Wolfman are very, very sorry but no new school will be coming.  

They say that the neighbouring schools are not operating to capacity (ie they are not bursting at the seams).  The fact that the new school would have held the new children in the new houses isn’t enough in these budget-crunched days to get a school. In fact, I go back to my earlier argument – we should just send them to the prison library instead and save tons of dosh.

In Torry, Victoria Road School sits alone, awaiting its highest bidder.  Everyone is very sorry, but somehow the City decided that closing the school meant it didn’t have to pay for its maintenance any more.

This Edwardian, possibly listed gem is in serious danger, so on the block it goes.

It doesn’t matter that new homes built just down the road would have added to the school’s population –which was one of the reasons the houses got the go-ahead in the first place.

I apologise for thinking something is very, very wrong somewhere with all of this.

Inquiry:

(English noun) – something that people might demand if they are fed too many mistakes and apologies.
Right  – it’s been a long night.  I was on Tullos Hill, was then interviewed about the deer, and came home to an out-of-the-blue summons for non-payment of my poll tax – sorry – council charge.  Thing is, I’d called and asked for a statement, and asked how much I’m supposed to pay every month.

The summons seems to be the city’s answer.  You might think I’ve not paid anything, but I have paid nearly £600 this year.  Should you see me out in the streets, you’ll know why.  And should any clever lawyers be reading this with experience of this type of thing, feel free to get in
touch.

Now, where’s my Brewdog.

Next Week  (probably):  court, jail, homelessness.  (Fred – I might need to borrow your tent for a bit).

Friends Of Aberdeen Instrumental Music Open Day

 Aberdeen City, Articles, Community, Information, News  No Responses »
Sep 292011
 

The Northfield Academy based Music Centre is holding an Open Day organised by F.A.I.M. (Friends of Aberdeen Instrumental Music ) this Saturday morning.   With thanks to Kathryn Reid.

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The parents and teachers behind Friends of Aberdeen Instrumental Music (F.A.I.M.) will welcome Aberdeen Lord Provost Peter Stephen to hear several rehearsals in progress at the Music Centre situated at Northfield Academy.

F.A.I.M. want to promote the achievements of the youth within the groups of the Music Service. These groups include Jazz, Brass Band, Choirs, Wind Bands Guitar and Percussion groups and Orchestras for young people from 7 to 23 at various levels.

It is this system of graded groups that produces the outstanding track record of budding musicians.

More children in Aberdeen learn an instrument than anywhere else in Scotland and more children go on to take part in National groups than any one area or city in Scotland. We have a lot to be proud of!

The Music Centre’s funding was secured by councillors in this year’s budget. The Lord Provost will see first hand how the groups have continued to flourish as he watches rehearsals by three wind bands and the beginners’ string groups and that’s only Saturday morning! The Music Centre is busy every night of the week.

The F.A.I.M. group will host its Open Day in Northfield Academy on Saturday from 9.30am to 12.30pm. Lord Provost Peter Stephen will visit F.A.I.M. between 10am and 11am.

Come and have a cup of tea or coffee and see what takes place. Marvel at the tiny double basses and their wonderful players! Get caught up in the enthusiasm these youngsters have for music. Warning – it’s contagious!

More Info: FriendsOfAberdeenInstrumentalMusic.co.uk/ 

Give And Take Day At Ellon Academy

 Aberdeenshire, Articles, Community, Environment, Information  Comments Off on Give And Take Day At Ellon Academy
Mar 182011
 

Aberdeen Forward…. Aberdeen Forward…. Aberdeen Forward…. Aberdeen Forward….

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Ellon Academy is to hold a Give and Take Day on the 26th March 2011 with support from Aberdeen Forward and Aberdeenshire Council.

The idea for the event is people can take along, items such as furniture, kitchenware, books, dvds,  cds, toys, and plants/gardenware. From 8.30am through to 12 noon people can drop items off at the STA room in the Academy.

From 10am until 3pm Ellon Academy will be open to the public who can come along and take any items they want for FREE.

Clothes, paint, videos and all electrical goods unfortunately cannot be accepted.

There will be some other stalls offering school dress for sale, at very reduced prices. Teas, coffees, refreshments and bakes will also be available, with proceeds going to help the fundraising efforts for World Challenge and other school activities.

It is hoped that among those who may benefit are families on low incomes or those setting up home for the first time.  It is also hoped that by holding this event, items that might have gone to landfill will be found a new home.

If you have any queries about the day, or would like to organise any furniture to be uplifted on the day, contact Aberdeen Forward on 01224 560360.

This event marks the end of a year of Give and Take days around Aberdeenshire, which has seen all manner of items reused, rather than thrown away.  From small items such as eggcups, and cds, to large items like the three-piece suites and pianos, they have all contributed to around ten tonnes of material avoiding go to landfill.

The hope is that local organisations that have attended these events will see how successful they are and look to run them in the future.

Ellon Academy has an active Environment Committee, which has been involved in the plans for the Event.  The school recently were the first in Aberdeenshire to gain their prestigious “Second Green Flag” from Eco School Scotland.

Visitors to the school on the 26 March will also be able to view some pupil work and the ‘famous Tie Quilt’, recently purchased by Aberdeenshire Council’s Waste Department as an excellent example of Up-cycling.

The school is always looking for ways to engage with the local community to promote and sustain Environmental Awareness and enhance the Ellon Area. If you, or a group you are associated with would like to work with us please contact Mrs McMillan at Ellon Academy.

Contact Aberdeen Forward
Tel:     01224 560360

Ellon Academy,
Jean McMillan
Tel:     01358 720715

 

Parents Campaign To Save City School

 Aberdeen City, Articles, Featured, Opinion  No Responses »
Sep 102010
 

harlawfeat
by Jennifer Phillips.

Concerned parents of pupils at four city schools have launched a campaign against Aberdeen City Council’s proposals to reconfigure secondary school provision which could see the closure of Harlaw Academy.

A parent forum involving Broomhill, Ferryhill and Kaimhill Primary Schools and Harlaw Academy –  the Harlaw Associated School Group or ASG – is leading the drive to keep the school open.

More than 250 parents attended a  meeting at Ferryhill Primary on 24th August  to voice their concerns. The meeting was also attended by representatives of Aberdeen City Council.

Another meeting is taking place at Harlaw Academy on September 15 from 6.30 to 8pm.

The council has launched a stakeholder engagement process on options for a number of  secondary schools in the city, including the merger of Harlaw and Hazlehead Academies. This could involve the closure of Harlaw and the widespread rezoning of pupils from feeder primaries to new or established secondary schools elsewhere in the city – Torry / Kincorth, Hazlehead and Aberdeen Grammar.

the school is achieving success year after year. Its academic results are better than the national average.

Sarah Reid, Chairwoman of Broomhill Parent Council, said: “Parents at all four schools have already voiced a variety of concerns about the implications of such a move. There are fears it could result in existing school communities becoming fragmented or disintegrating altogether.

“The school network in this part of the city works extremely well and we don’t want to see that lost.

“There are also practical concerns such as pupils in Broomhill and Ferryhill potentially being rezoned to a new secondary south of the river and the difficult transport implications not to mention added congestion that would bring.

Murdo Maclean, Chair of Harlaw Parent Council, added: “We accept that changes are required but we feel the changes proposed by the Council are ill conceived and will have an adverse effect on education provision in the centre of Aberdeen.

“Harlaw is fully subscribed and has the highest placement request in the city – people want their children to go there. It consistently exceeds its predicted academic targets and has great links with the community.

“The initial meeting was very successful – parents were able to ask pertinent questions about the council’s processes and rationale, and to get an understanding of the proposals.

“The meeting has provided us with great impetus as we plan the next phases of our campaign.”

An HMI report for Harlaw Academy, just published, revealed that the school is achieving success year after year. Harlaw Academy’s  academic results are better than the national average.

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