Old Susannah No. 93 – All that Glitters Is Not Gold

 Aberdeen City, Satire and Humour  2 Responses »
Sep 072012
 

Voice’s Old Susannah looks at events over yet another vibrant and dynamic week in the ‘Deen. By Suzanne Kelly.

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Tally Ho!  I hope everyone’s had another exciting week in  Aberdeen.

The Science Festival has kicked off, attracting visitors, scientists and lecturers from around the world.
It is most kind of them to visit Aberdeen– we have a garden that’s not at street level and we don’t have a web – we should be most grateful to them.

We should be grateful to BP as well, which is investing £100 million in the area.

Old Susannah discovered beer cocktails at BrewDog this past week.  They are gorgeous, and very enjoyable in these trying times.

I am amazed BrewDog chose to open its brilliant bar and factory in our area when we didn’t go for the granite web.  It’s almost as if the gardens were not a factor in their plans.

The more cynical among us wonder:  Would businesses really prefer operating here if we were £92 million in debt and had a giant city centre construction zone for at least a year?  If you listen to the SNP, some LibDems (funny, HoMalone doesn’t seem to be the charismatic leader we all thought she was) and ACSEF, then the answer is yes.

The petition to ask Sir Ian to spend his wealth to Africa instead of the web is now one week old.  Please do visit, read, and hopefully sign at www.gopetition.com/sir-ian-send-your-£50M-to-africa-as-promised   No doubt the mainstream press will take the story of this petition up any day now.  After all, our local papers wrote about the MASS demonstration planned by pro CGP activists when the figure was around 200.  Guess the Wood petition is about to be massive, too.

And massive and genuine thanks to Lush shops throughout Scotland; last weekend they raised hundreds of pounds to benefit Willows Animal Sanctuary.

Finally, Morris the Monkey has a new pal in Si the Seagull, new mascot for AFC.  Word has it that the fans are not necessarily impressed by this development, but I’ll wait and hear what Si himself has to say when he starts working for BiG and promoting the web.

On with a few definitions.

Union Terrace Effect: (modern English phrase, attributed to F. Wilkinson) – scheme in which powers that be allow a building, park or structure to decay deliberately, until such time as there is an outcry for a new replacement to be built- which is what the desired outcome was to begin with. 

Old Susannah heard this term recently, but can’t think of a single historic building, museum, school, terrace gardens or Tullos Hill that would fit this definition of something left to rot so it could be sold off / developed.  If I think of anything, I will let you know.

The Itemiser: (mod Eng noun) a portable particle scanner which can detect microscopic traces of a variety of substances.

We will all be safer soon!  Result!

traces of the drug (cocaine) can be found on any bank note

First, we are considering building a giant ‘state of the art’  prison soon – yet another construction job coming our way!  Secondly, the police now have a portable scanner which can find particles on a microscopic level of things like cannabis (!) and hard drugs.

They plan to go from bar to bar and search people here and there, for traces of drugs.  Anyone who’s been in contact with these substances (except for politicians, the wealthy, successful creative types, celebrities, etc) will be thrown in jail – where tons more drugs and interesting career training opportunities will freely available.

There is just one flaw in this cunning plan of searching citizens for microscopic evidence of crime, and that is this little fact:  90%+ of all paper money in circulation in the United Kingdom has traces of cocaine and/or heroin on it.

Old Susannah can’t begin to imagine how or why that should be – but next time you buy something in a bar, use coins rather than folding money – or it might just be off to jail with you.

The Daily Mail was one of the many news media that reported the presence of drugs on currency; it wrote:-

“A senior analyst at the FSS, the largest provider of forensic services in the UK on behalf of police forces, says traces of the drug (cocaine) can be found on any bank note regardless of its geographical location.

It takes just two weeks for a new note to pick up the drug… “

Read more: http://www.dailymail/Every-British-bank-note-contaminated

So to sum up, anyone with traces of drugs on them is either:  a)  a drug fiend who should be locked up, and/or b)  someone who has £5, £10, £20 or £50 pound notes on them.  We will all be safer if these types are all locked up.

If anyone’s worried about any bothersome civil rights issues over this type of presumed guilt / mandatory search, infringement of freedom, they could always organise a protest.

Witty Kevin Stewart is making a stir once again.

Except that Gordon McIntosh is proposing to the Council that we get rid of such things as protests, or at best only allow them in the Castlegate, where any crowds can easily be kettled.  Thanks, Gordon.

Anyone suggesting his latest report (which also recommends charging groups for holding events in parks as well as banning protests) is over-stepping his remit will be locked up.

King Midas: (ancient Greek mythological figure).  Midas was magically transformed so that everything he touched turned to gold.

Witty Kevin Stewart is making a stir once again.  Back in the day, he told the people in care homes, schools, Choices, etc. that we all had to be ‘reasonable’.  Then he cut their services off and closed their schools.

ACSEF was of course allowed to flourish, city real estate was sold at bargain basement prices, and we wrote off millions of pounds in bad debts.  Reasonable indeed.

Kevin had a wonderfully clever sound bite this week, aimed at Aberdeen City Council’s web-rejecters.  For the benefit of those who have stopped reading it, the P&J wrote:

“MSP Kevin Stewart claimed the administration had an “inverse Midas touch” hindering future private investment in the city.”

As mentioned before, I guess someone forgot to tell BrewDog, BP and a host of other businesses about the hindering future private investment in the city.  But as painful as it is to correct him, I feel I must remind Kev the moral of the Midas story.

King Midas was not a bad man per se; but he loved wealth and lived for gold.  So far, so good – if you’re an ACSEF member.

Kevin Stewart forgot part of the legend when making his brilliant comment

As a reward for his kindness to a Satyr, he was granted a wish – he wished that everything he touched would turn to gold.  At first very happy to be surrounded by his new wealth, Midas soon learnt that he could not eat, as his food turned to gold.  Then he touched his daughter, and she turned to gold as well.

Kevin Stewart forgot part of the legend when making his brilliant comment.  Midas realised his folly in thinking gold and wealth was more important than the environment, living creatures and of course his own daughter.

Midas was cured of his lust for gold, and once cured of the Midas Touch too, he retired to the countryside to enjoy nature. It was almost as if something in life was more important than wealth creation.  Ultimately, the moral of the Midas tale is that the environment and people are more important than gold.  How backward-looking is that?

I’m sure that this ending of the story would horrify our average Chamber of Commerce member, who would gladly have brought their golden daughter to a pawn shop to flog as scrap metal.

In an uncharacteristic slip, neither Kevin nor our local press found time to mention that Kev was on the City Gardens Project Management Board when writing about Labour having the Midas touch in reverse.

Some people might think his connection to the project is relevant to his attack on Labour, but that would just be jumping to the conclusion that a person on a board of a project would want the project to go ahead.   (And that would be as silly as assuming someone in a football supporter’s club might be biased towards the football team).

You might expect this service-axing champion of the people to advise fiscal restraint now until we truly got on our feet again.  You might even think he’d advise restoring some services ahead of web weaving.

No, Kev would prefer us to borrow £92 million on this real estate speculation which he supported as a board member.  (Note – I suppose I should just call it ‘TIF Funding’ like the professional reporters do; if you call it ‘funding’ rather than a ‘loan’, it sounds better and safer, doesn’t it?)

Amnesia: (noun; medical term) forgetfulness; loss of memory.

Isolated pockets of amnesia have hit our business community, press and government.

these ‘industry chiefs’ and our press forgot how rosy things looked earlier this year in a moment of mass forgetfulness.

Kevin forgot to flag up his direct involvement in the CGP project when he criticised Labour for cutting the web.  We’re told by ACSEF, pro CGP politicians, the Evening Express and the Press & Journal that the future is all gloom and doom, and no businesses will come here without the web.

They say we’re ‘closed for business’, we’re ‘frightened’, we’re ‘embarrassing’.  (It’s not that we’re being environmentally-friendly, economically prudent or aesthetically intelligent – no, we’re in the wrong if we don’t want the golden web).

And yet as recently as February of this year things looked so much better.  This is what the Press & Journal had to say back then:-

“Aberdeen is in prime position to help drag the UK economy out of recession, experts revealed today.

“The city has more start-up businesses than anywhere else in Scotland and will suffer fewer public sector job losses than anywhere else in Britain, says a new report.

“Aberdeen was named as one of five cities which Cities Outlook 2012 said was well-placed to aid recovery from the current economic gloom.

“Last night industry chiefs said the Granite City was an ideal location for new firms to flourish.”

I guess that is only true if we have a web though.  Either that or these ‘industry chiefs’ and our press forgot how rosy things looked earlier this year in a moment of mass forgetfulness.

We’re also being told by the guardians of accuracy, PriceWaterhouse Cooper that we need to attract 122,000 people to work in Aberdeen’s energy sector in the next ten years.  Funny, the £71,000+  they earned from web-related consultancy doesn’t get much of a press mention either – yet more amnesia, I think.

So amnesia-wise – Kevin and the press forgot to mention his involvement with the CGP when he attacked Labour; PwC forgot to mention in the press the money it made over the web so far when supporting it, and the media forgot its reports earlier this year as to what a great future Aberdeen has.

Do I think these people and institutions are possibly dishonest, scheming, colluding, corrupt or greedy?  Certainly not – I just think they have selective amnesia.

Additionally, BrewDog and BP forgot that the city cannot survive without the Granite Web when they committed to the area.  Yes, amnesia is at epidemic proportions.

And there we shall leave it until next week.

PS  very best wishes to Declan Michael Laird for his film premier; have a great time tomorrow night and a good trip back to LA. 

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Lush Stores Support For Willows Animal Sanctuary

 Aberdeenshire, Featured, Information  No Responses »
Aug 312012
 

Lush Aberdeen in conjunction with eight other Lush stores throughout Scotland is holding a ‘Willows Weekend’ in association with Willows Animal Sanctuary and Animal Assisted Therapy Unit.

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Willows work tirelessly to look after over 300 animals including almost 70 horses, donkeys and ponies approximately 60 cats and dogs and many reptiles as well as over 100 farm animals and birds.

They specialise in helping elderly or more vulnerable animals that have already been refused help by well-known larger national charities and are totally dependent on donations, legacies and grants from benevolent organizations to keep the sanctuary running.

Willows Animal Sanctuary is the largest sanctuary of its type in the Aberdeenshire area and it is a constant struggle for this non-profit organisation to raise the enormous funds needed to feed, house and provide veterinary care for the many animals under their protection.

Their Animal Assisted Therapy Unit has benefitted many disabled and vulnerable people in the community and this service has become a highly valued aspect of the Sanctuary.

Deborah Cowan, store manager for Lush Aberdeen had this to say:

“We’re thrilled to be able to provide this opportunity to raise much needed funds for Willows, and we’re really excited that all nine Scottish Lush stores have come on-board to support this wonderfully worthwhile charity. We will have flyers in store that have information about Willows, as well as info about a few of the adoptable animals looking for their forever homes.

“Willows have also kindly provided footage of the sanctuary and the animals which we will be playing instore. “

All proceeds excluding VAT from sales of Charity Pot hand and body cream on Saturday and Sunday the 1st and 2nd of September will go to Willows to help support the amazing work that they do.

Lush Aberdeen will be providing in-store activities on the day and are encouraging people to bring in any old pillowcases and clean plastic shopping bags. These will become the stuffing for the pillowcase mattresses that the Team will make for the many cats and dogs and other small animals that call Willows their home. They are also encouraging people to donate any pet food that they can spare.

Deborah also stated,

“All people have to do to show their support, is come into any Lush store in Scotland this weekend and purchase a Charity Pot hand and body cream. Lush make no money from this beautiful product, and for this weekend only, all proceeds excluding VAT will go to Willows. We have 3 sizes to choose from and to say thank you for your purchase here in Aberdeen, customers can make their very own Space Girl or Blackberry Bath Bomb!”

The stores taking part are: Aberdeen, Glasgow Sauchihall St, Glasgow Buchannan St, Glasgow Braehead, Livingston, Dundee, Inverness, Stirling and Edinburgh.

Many of the above stores will also advertise the event on their shop Facebook pages so to find out about what is happening in your local area, use the Facebook search function to find your local shop.

Find out more about Willows at their website: http://www.willowsanimals.com/ The Charity has regular open days that are a perfect day out for the whole family.

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Lush Prize To Stamp Out Animal Testing Is Launched

 Community, Information  No Responses »
Jun 222012
 

Campaigning cosmetics company Lush has, this week, announced the creation of the first ever Lush Prize to help bring an end to animal testing in the wake of the continuing failure to ban these practices. With thanks to Lush Aberdeen.

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The Lush Prize will reward groups, or individuals, working in the field of cruelty-free scientific research, awareness-raising and lobbying.

The prize has been created by Lush in partnership with Ethical Consumer to ensure that the award process is impartial, rigorous and comprehensive in scope.

Its £250,000 annual prize fund – the biggest prize in the alternative testing sector – seeks to focus pressure on safety testing for consumer products in a way which complements projects already addressing alternatives to the animal testing of medicines.

The Lush Prize was launched at a media breakfast briefing at The Ivy in London on 19th June.  Co-founder of Lush, Mark Constantine OBE, who chose the timing and venue to make a very specific point, said:

 “Our customers want safe cosmetics tested without the involvement of animals.   21 years ago, here in this room, almost to the hour, we launched a policy that promised that there would be no animal testing of our product or ingredients.  We went further and worked with our suppliers to stop the use of any animals for any of their safety testing.  Sadly animal testing for the cosmetics industry is still widespread.  In fact new legislation has increased it.

“In 21 years a lot has changed, but still much of the cosmetic industry cannot guarantee safe cosmetics tested without the involvement of animals.  So here at Lush we are trying another tack.  Today we are launching a prize worth a quarter of a million pounds and we hope to fund the Eureka moment when a breakthrough is made to end animal testing of cosmetics forever.”

The Eureka element plans to make available the full £250,000 for a ‘proof of concept toxicity pathway study.’  This is for researchers working very specifically in the field of 21st Century Toxicology which seeks to understand ‘toxicity pathways’ at a fundamental level.

In years when no breakthrough event occurs, prizes of £50k each (to a total of £250k) will be awarded in the following categories:-

  • Science Prize –  the development of replacement non-animal tests
  • Training Prize –  training researchers in non-animal methods
  • Lobbying Prize –  policy interventions to promote the use of replacements
  • Public Awareness Prize –  raising public-awareness of ongoing testing
  • Young Researcher Awards –  to five post-graduates specialising in replacements research

Rob Harrison, editor of Ethical Consumer commented:

“In designing this Prize, we have spoken to lots of campaigners and researchers.  The reasons that animal testing is still widespread are complex. This is why the Prize, as well as having a breakthrough element, has five additional awards including prizes for lobbying regulators and training researchers in non-animal methods.

“By targeting significant new funds each year, at each of these key pressure points, the Prize hopes to make a real difference to replacing animal testing with effective alternative methods.”

The first Lush Prize Awards are scheduled to take place in London in November, 2012.  The winners will be chosen by a panel of high profile figures from the animal welfare world and scientific community.

Details of the nominees and the high profile awards panel for the Lush Prize will be released in the run up to November’s awards event.

For more information on the prize and for details on how to nominate your favourite projects visit http://www.lushprize.org/

Willows Open Day 18.02.12 – Top Musicians Support Charity

 Aberdeenshire, Articles, Charity, Community, Events, Information, News  No Responses »
Feb 032012
 

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With thanks to  Jenny and Kate at Willows

Willows Animal Sanctuary  invite you to come along to an open day on 18 February from 12 noon to 4.00 pm.

Willows Patron Sandi Thom will arrive around 1pm, and autographed photos will be for sale with all profits going to Willows. Lush Aberdeen have generously donated a collection of treats to be raffled off.
There will be baked goods, ferrets and many more of the great variety of creatures that live at Willows will be on show – farm, domestic and wild animals are all given a shelter, and no healthy animal is ever put down.

In addition, legendary singer Paul Rodgers, founding member and songwriter from Free and Bad Company and member of The Firm; and his wife Cynthia sponsored 13 of Willows Animals for Christmas.

Paul said:-

“We heard the unusual story about the piglet Babe and her great escape and dug a little deeper to find that all of the animals were in need of sponsoring.”

Paul has also donated 100 copies of his latest DVD “Live in Montreux Paul Rodgers and Friends” featuring appearances from Queen’s Brian May, Journey’s Neal Schon, Jason Bonham and others.

Signed copies of Paul’s DVD are available at £25 from Willows online shop.  Details of Willows at http://www.willowsanimals.com/ and DVD details/order form at http://shopatwillows.com/shop/catalog/search?shop_param , so even if you can’t make it to Willows on the 18th, you can still get a signed DVD.

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Willows Animal Sanctuary is the largest sanctuary in Aberdeenshire and will try to help any animal in distress. We operate a strict no kill policy and only euthanise an animal on veterinary advice.

We look after over 300 animals including around 60 horses, ponies and donkeys, approximately 60 cats and dogs and many reptiles as well as over 100 farm animals and birds.

We are totally dependent on donations, legacies and grants from benevolent organizations to keep the sanctuary running.

We are entirely funded by public support and receive no government funding. Unlike larger charities we have no reserves of money and are desperately short of funds. We specialise in helping elderly or more vulnerable animals that have already been refused help by well known large national charities, but we can only continue to help needy animals with your support!

The Animal Assisted Therapy Unit at Willows

Willows helps many vulnerable people with its animal assisted therapy programme. The concept of allowing rescued animals to help vulnerable people on the road back to health is very innovative and has been independently evaluated and shown to be highly beneficial.The therapeutic placements and corporate team building days include equine management, animal husbandry, therapeutic music sessions, drama, bushcraft and mediaeval re-enactment  Please contact us if you would like more details.

Willows Animal Sanctuary is situated on the road between New Pitsligo and Strichen (B9093)

 

Our Deer Friends – Lush Edinburgh Cycle Into Aberdeen

 Aberdeen City, Articles, Community, Featured, Information, Opinion  No Responses »
Apr 222011
 

Voice’s Suzanne Kelly joined those gathered outside Lush cosmetics in Union Street in Aberdeen to welcome the 5 campaigners from Lush in Edinburgh who had cycled all the way from our capital city,  collecting support, and highlighting opposition to Aberdeen City council’s proposed, unnecessary cull of roe deer on Tullos Hill.

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12:30pm on Wednesday 20 April – an intrepid group of 5 Lush Edinburgh staff cycle the last few minutes of an epic trek from the Lush Edinburgh shop to Lush Aberdeen.

They are all kitted out in T-shirts with a photo of a deer, with the slogan ‘Too Deer A Price To Pay.’  They are here in answer to Aberdeen City’s Council’s threatened – economically motivated – deer cull.

The Committee told Aberdeen citizens and animal lovers:  Give us £225,000 by 10th May for fencing and tree protectors – OR WE WILL CULL THE TULLOS HILL ROE DEER.

This shocking, outrageous move by the City has prompted outrage throughout not only Aberdeen, but also throughout the world and amongst the major animal rights organisations.  The City has been largely silent on the matter, and was not answering this writer’s questions and the many pleas against the cull.  Local groups became active against the cull; Animal Concern started campaigning, and Lush got involved.

A team of over a dozen local animal lovers, animal rights activists and concerned people from all walks of life were on hand to give the cyclists a warm welcome. There were anti-cull campaigners from all over Aberdeenshire, Philadelphia, Australia and everywhere in between.  They carried signs and handed out hundreds of flyers to passers-by and many passers by stopped to chat and voice their concern – and anger – over the Council’s threatened cull.

I spoke with Helen Patterson; she had heard about the cull on SHMU FM, Aberdeen’s local station.  She phoned into the programme and has been following the matter ever since, and in her words:

“this cull is just terrible.”

The Lush involvement pretty much started when local campaigners had asked Debbie, manager at Lush Aberdeen if Lush would make the petition available in its shop for customers to sign.  She sought approval and then things began to take off.

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These Lush employees who spent days cycling here to highlight this sad state of affairs, also did it on their own personal holiday time.  The Lush team – who are cyclists: Alan (trainee Manager at the Edinburgh shop), Hannah, Karen, Ross and Josette – truly gave a shot in the arm to campaigners here.  Within an hour of their arrival, local radio Northsound and Scottish TV came down to cover the story. Lush had successfully given the issue much-needed publicity.

The cycling event is only one part of what Lush is doing – Erica from Lush did not cycle up – she had been working round the clock managing this event and its many aspects.  She tells me:

“Each Lush shop has a green helper and environment representative – which is what I am.

“We keep an eye on issues, and I have been working on press releases, posters, and Facebook updates.”

Lush are giving the campaign a boost by promoting the issue on their famous, long-running ‘Charity Pot’ moisturiser.

Lush supports an astounding number of environmental, animal and human welfare initiatives around the globe; sales from the ‘Charity Pot’ moisturiser go to these charities.

The labels for the pots describe the different projects; I bought one some time back which was for an organisation opposed to the massive ‘wall of death’ fishing techniques which are depleting our oceans indiscriminately and killing seabirds.  Hundreds of people visiting the Edinburgh shop were shocked to hear of this situation, and have been signing the petition and buying the ‘Charity Pots.’

Lush has always shown this dedication to environmental causes.  Its products are never tested on animals; the natural ingredients are responsibly sourced and worldwide producers are paid fair value for their ingredients.  There is no animal testing – but there are moves afoot in the EU which may make animal cosmetic testing a horrible reality again.  If this worries you, then please contact your MEP, do some research, and say NO to this potential bureaucratic threat.

How can you help the deer?

Sign a petition – information can be found on Facebook – search for ‘Tullos Hill Roe Deer’

– or drop into Lush (Union Street near Market Street)

Write to Aileen Malone, Convener of the Aberdeen City Housing & Environment Committee

Contact your local City Councillor and tell them what you think.

Scottish Retailer Fights Against Aberdeen Deer Slaughter

 Aberdeen City, Articles, Environment, Featured, News  No Responses »
Apr 192011
 

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With thanks to Alan Brown of Lush, Edinburgh

Four members of staff from Lush Cosmetics in Edinburgh embarked on Monday upon a three-day cycle from their Princes Street shop to the Lush shop in Aberdeen.
They will be wearing t-shirts bearing an image of one of the roe deer inhabiting Tullos Hill and emblazoned with the campaign’s slogan, Too Deer A Price To Pay.

They will be travelling with letters opposing the slaughter, which they will hand deliver to Aberdeen City Council.

This cycle marks Lush Edinburgh’s protest against the proposed slaughter of the roe deer that inhabit Tullos Hill in Aberdeen. Aberdeen City Council are proposing to plant trees on Tullos Hill as part of their Tree For Every Citizen scheme, but in order to protect the trees, they plan to slaughter the roe deer who have lived on the hill for generations. This is not only cruel and unnecessary, but would be ineffective as a method of tree protection.

Aberdeen City Council have responded to the numerous communications from the public opposing this cruel slaughter with an ultimatum – if the public cannot donate £225,000 to pay for tree sleeves and fencing to protect the saplings by 10th May 2011, then the slaughter will go ahead and the deer will die.

Lush Edinburgh refuse to play victim to this threat and simply wish to say to the council that they should put the Tree For Every Citizen scheme on hold until they have the means necessary to put tree protection implements into place. While they believe that planting trees is positive action, killing these animals in order to do so is completely senseless and the planting should not even be considered until humane tree protection can be put in place, so that both the trees and deer can exist.

Alan Brown, from Lush Edinburgh said:

“We applaud the council for wanting to plant trees in our community, but surely this can be done without slaughtering a herd of innocent animals. We feel that as the plans currently stand, it’s too dear a price to pay”.

From Monday 18th April until Wednesday 20th April, Lush Edinburgh and Lush Aberdeen will be donating all proceeds (minus VAT) from their popular hand and body lotion, Charity Pot, to the animal rights groups in Aberdeen.

These groups have been working incredibly hard to protest against this cull and using their own funds to pay for publicity materials for their campaign. This is applicable to both the full-size and sample-size version of the product.

Date: 20th April 2011, with cyclists arriving in Aberdeen at 1 pm.
Location: Lush Aberdeen, 81 Union St, Aberdeen

Please come along and welcome the cyclists on their arrival, and show your support for the campaign.

You can keep up to date with the cycle and the great work that they are doing to help this campaign here:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Lush-Edinburgh/116815671689234

Lush Cosmetics, established 15 years ago, has been driven by innovation and its ethics. Creators of pioneering beauty products such as the fizzing bath ballistic, shower jellies and butter creams and solid shampoo bars, Lush places emphasis on fresh ingredients like organic fruits and vegetables.

Lush operates a strict policy against animal testing and supports Fair Trade and Community Trade initiatives. Lush leads the cosmetics industry in combating over-packaging by running public awareness campaigns and developing products that can be sold ‘naked’ to the consumer without any packaging. Lush has been awarded the RSPCA Good Business Award for 2006 and 2007 and the PETA Trailblazer Award for Animal Welfare.

More info –  www.lush.co.uk

Old Susannah’s Journal No.31 – Lush Lush My Deer

 Aberdeen City, Articles, Community, Information, Opinion, Satire and Humour  No Responses »
Apr 152011
 

It’s been yet another lively week in the ‘Deen; by the time this is published, Old Susannah will have been on SHMU radio discussing the fate of the Tullos Hill Roe Deer, election leaflets will be pouring through your letterbox, and petrol will reach £2 million a gallon.

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At present there are still no answers to relevant, specific questions I sent to the Council’s tree men and Aileen Malone (aka ‘HoMalone’ – when left in charge of something, chaos breaks out and hilarity ensues.  Well, that’s one possible origin for this nickname).  But I’ll keep trying.
Those environmentally friendly folk at Lush are throwing themselves into the battle with gusto. A team is cycling up from Lush Edinburgh and should arrive around 12:30pm this coming Wednesday at the Lush shop in Aberdeen’s Union Street.

Their slogan against the cull is a good one:  “Too Deer a Price.” Their efforts and those of people and organisations from local to international level might make a difference yet.

However, those nice people at the Scottish Information Commission have some concerns over one of my Freedom of Information requests, which – believe it or not – the Council answered late, answered by refusing to answer and offered to do an inquiry which might well have never happened. Another few years and I might have a good story for you. Don’t hold your breath.

Finally, you may recall that Aberdeen’s former head, Sue Bruce, landed up in a job for the City of Edinburgh, much to our great sadness. The capital has since found at least five of its employees were involved in a massive fraud to do with awarding work and projects without proper tenders taking place and paying for work that was never done.

Makes you glad to be in the Granite City where fraud is unheard of, where there is never any City employee helping the police figure find out where £300,000 of taxpayer money went, where work always goes out to tender properly and is never just given to local builders automatically.  But, onwards to some defining words for this past week.

Grass:
(Noun 1) – member of herbal family of plants characterised by slender shoots of green leaf, a grazing crop suitable for herbivores such as cows and sheep.  Just don’t mention the deer).
(Noun 2) – slang term for cannabis sativa, a substance which can allegedly temporarily impair the consciousness of the person who smokes or otherwise ingests the leaves and or buds of said plant.
(Verb) – to bring another’s wrongdoing to the attention of the public or authorities.  All of which bring us nicely to …John Stewart, Council Leader – a man apart.

Hundreds of people heard this pearl of wisdom from JS and raced to Union Terrace Gardens with rolling paper, matches and things called bongs, only to be disappointed

His critics allegedly call him names and go to his pub to hit him. But they can’t silence him. If the Church of Scotland deserves an ASBO for not behaving as he wants it to, he’ll say so by grassing them up to the local newspapers.

It is hugely surprising that his Press & Journal claim that the Church of Scotland deserved an ASBO (see last week’s column) didn’t get taken up internationally.

Also, in a really brave move, he’s called our attention to a little-known fact.  Brace yourselves: in John’s own words:

“there is not much in Union Terrace Gardens except grass.”

‘How did he work that out?’ I can hear you ask aloud as you read this over your cornflakes.

Stone me.  Hundreds of people heard this pearl of wisdom from JS and raced to Union Terrace Gardens with rolling paper, matches and things called bongs, only to be disappointed.  It seems that John was complaining that the parking lot to be was full of the kind of grass you walk on, or eat if you are a deer that the Council hasn’t yet shot, (sorry, culled).  Either that, or he took all the funny grass for himself and his friends on the Council – that would explain quite a lot.  How did our society let this happen?

“Let’s face it, Union Terrace Gardens, apart from a few trees and the floral crest, is just grass”

Our intrepid Council Leader told the Press & Journal:

“This (the design competition) is an excellent opportunity for Aberdeen to show how good it is at creating gardens. We will see what comes through from the design brief, but I am quite looking forward to seeing the designs.”

Well, so far Aberdeen City has shown how good it is at losing arts funding, keeping schools open, caring for the elderly, and ensuring that no fraudsters are operating within the council stealing hundreds of thousands of pounds. Aberdeen has also shown how good it is at propping up the AECC, selling land at millions of pounds less than market value, filling in potholes and closing libraries.  A mere £140 million pound project poses little challenge – even if we have no money.

Someone in the City Council attended the meetings – yet the head of the Council claimed to have no idea the project existed

There is no reaction yet from governments in New York, Paris and London – but in light of John’s comments they will be swiftly moving to check their city centre parks for grass and make any necessary corrections. Let’s all hope that after the design contest, which we are all eagerly awaiting as we struggle to pay bills, buy food and petrol etc. will ensure that there is none of this grass-type stuff left over.

I can only hope that John stays away from grass lest his otherwise astute judgement, financial acumen, people skills and fine mind suffer.

Tory councillor Alan Donnelly quite rightly asked:

“What planet do people think we are living on if they think we would support the destruction of Union Terrace Gardens?”

Well, it could be the same planet that saw Aberdeen City’s ACSEF spending some £300k (meant for Peacock Visual Arts) on a consultation showing, er, a big concrete square where the gardens now are. That’s some coincidence.

Deja Vu
(French expression) literally ‘already seen’.  A spooky feeling that you’ve been there before.  As Aberdeen Voice historian Alex Mitchell alluded to in one of his excellent articles on the City’s history, the £1.2 million pounds of funding that was lost to the City as ACSEF, the City and (£750 million pound a year taxpayer funded) Scottish Enterprise bravely battled to kill Peacock Visual Arts long-planned expansion was not the first time the City scored such a colossal own goal.

Cast your mind back some 5 or 6 years.

The Citadel had been earmarked for an arts centre.  It wasn’t going to be turned into a parking lot or shopping mall and there definitely weren’t going to be any deer or any grass:  everyone could have been happy.  The plan was written up and many meetings took place – the City, arts leaders, etc.  No one knows to this day precisely why we didn’t get a plan to the Arts Council on time (spooky!).

Kilroy Silk wanted to distance himself from the party because he thought they were ridiculous.  How bad is that?

Someone in the City Council attended the meetings – yet the head of the Council claimed to have no idea the project existed. If memory serves, the sum was probably £1 million and change. So if you get the feeling that your cash-strapped City had lost Arts Council funding previously – you are correct.

Was it a bit of history eerily repeating itself – or is it possible that the City has not been very well managed and organised for a few years?  Something to think about.  Ask your local Councillor or get out a Ouija board and try to contact the LibDems.  While you’re at it; ask them about the deer, Loirston Loch, services for the elderly and school closures should you make contact.

UKIP
(collective noun) Comedy troupe such as Bremner Bird & Fortune, Monty Python, The Goonies, and the Lib Dems.

Faced with the Kafkaesque deer, Union Terrace Gardens, and Loirston Loch horror stories, we need to keep our spirits up and what organisation is better placed to give everyone a much-needed heartfelt laughing fit than the  United Kingdom Independence Party?

He might not be a part of the UKIP posse any more, but the very thought of colourful (literally) TV personality Kilroy-Silk alone should get you chuckling.  You might not know it, but the UKIP party has had more infighting than the SNP/Lib Dem coalition.

There apparently was a UKIP candidate in East Kilbride who had a whole laundry list of fascist policies; the UKIP mainstream disowned him. In fact Kilroy Silk wanted to distance himself from the party because he thought they were ridiculous.  How bad is that?  Their MEP member Nigel Farage has made some errors of judgment including appearing on Have I Got News For You (unaware that he was the biggest laugh of the night) and as well as car crash TV, this UKIP leader has serious slapstick form.

On the day of the General Election in May, Farage’s two-seater plane got entangled in a UKIP banner it was trailing and crashed shortly after take-off from an airfield in Northamptonshire – no one was hurt.  Vote for them if you like – can’t be worse than what we’ve got, and they obviously have a sense of humour.

Next week:  More of the same

 

Too Deer A Price – Lush Campaign Against Tullos Cull

 Aberdeen City, Articles, Charity, Community, Events, Information, News  No Responses »
Apr 142011
 

By Deborah Cowan.

darkdeerpic
Lush stores in both Edinburgh and Aberdeen are hoping to raise awareness for the ‘Save the Tullos Deer’ campaign by having an Edinburgh to Aberdeen cycle ride.
Team members from Lush Edinburgh are giving up part of their annual leave, to cycle to Aberdeen beginning on Monday 18th of April with an estimated arrival in Aberdeen on the morning of Wednesday 20th April.

They will be wearing T-Shirts with the logo ‘TOO DEER A PRICE TO PAY’ and hope to raise awareness of the campaign along the way.

The Aberdeen City Council intend to plant saplings on Tullos Hill as part of the ‘Tree for Every Citizen’ project. It is feared that the deer that currently residing on the hill, will eat these saplings, and so a cull of the deer is planned go ahead on the 10th of May 2011, unless the citizens of Aberdeenshire can raise £225,000 by this date to prevent the cull. This money would go towards deer proof fencing, tree guards and other deer proofing measures that the council is unwilling to provide and instead have chosen to go with the cheaper alternative of culling the deer.

However, Lush and other concerned citizens feel the onus should not fall on the public to raise the cash or that if the public are to fundraise to save the deer, then the time frame provided for this is too short and unrealistic.

Opponents of the deer cull are not saying that the ‘Tree for Every Citizen’ project is not a creditable initiative and many applaud the scheme for planting more trees around Aberdeen. However Lush feel the culling of the deer is unnecessary and cannot support the needless destruction of wildlife when there are better alternatives that could provide a deer proof environment for the new saplings and an improved habitat for the deer, who are some of the primary inhabitants of Tullos Hill.

Lush also points out that culling the deer in the Tullos Hill area will not prevent other deer from moving in and grazing on the unprotected saplings anyway, with a net result of destruction of the saplings and the needless loss of a unique local deer population.

Lush are encouraging all concerned members of the public to show their support by signing the in-store petition at Lush Aberdeen on 81 Union Street.

Also, all proceeds made from purchases of Lush Charity Pot (hand and body lotion) on the Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of the ‘Save the Tullos Deer Big Cycle’ will go towards helping the local Aberdeen groups campaigning against the deer cull and pressuring the Aberdeen Council into looking at the viable alternatives to wholesale wanton destruction of local wildlife.