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Old Susannah’s Journal No.31 – Lush Lush My Deer

Aberdeen City, Articles, Community, Information, Opinion, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Apr 152011

It’s been yet another lively week in the ‘Deen; by the time this is published, Old Susannah will have been on SHMU radio discussing the fate of the Tullos Hill Roe Deer, election leaflets will be pouring through your letterbox, and petrol will reach £2 million a gallon.

At present there are still no answers to relevant, specific questions I sent to the Council’s tree men and Aileen Malone (aka ‘HoMalone’ – when left in charge of something, chaos breaks out and hilarity ensues. Well, that’s one possible origin for this nickname). But I’ll keep trying.
Those environmentally friendly folk at Lush are throwing themselves into the battle with gusto. A team is cycling up from Lush Edinburgh and should arrive around 12:30pm this coming Wednesday at the Lush shop in Aberdeen’s Union Street.

Their slogan against the cull is a good one: “Too Deer a Price.” Their efforts and those of people and organisations from local to international level might make a difference yet.

However, those nice people at the Scottish Information Commission have some concerns over one of my Freedom of Information requests, which – believe it or not – the Council answered late, answered by refusing to answer and offered to do an inquiry which might well have never happened. Another few years and I might have a good story for you. Don’t hold your breath.

Finally, you may recall that Aberdeen’s former head, Sue Bruce, landed up in a job for the City of Edinburgh, much to our great sadness. The capital has since found at least five of its employees were involved in a massive fraud to do with awarding work and projects without proper tenders taking place and paying for work that was never done.

Makes you glad to be in the Granite City where fraud is unheard of, where there is never any City employee helping the police figure find out where £300,000 of taxpayer money went, where work always goes out to tender properly and is never just given to local builders automatically. But, onwards to some defining words for this past week.

Grass:
(Noun 1) – member of herbal family of plants characterised by slender shoots of green leaf, a grazing crop suitable for herbivores such as cows and sheep. Just don’t mention the deer).
(Noun 2) – slang term for cannabis sativa, a substance which can allegedly temporarily impair the consciousness of the person who smokes or otherwise ingests the leaves and or buds of said plant.
(Verb) – to bring another’s wrongdoing to the attention of the public or authorities. All of which bring us nicely to …John Stewart, Council Leader – a man apart.

Hundreds of people heard this pearl of wisdom from JS and raced to Union Terrace Gardens with rolling paper, matches and things called bongs, only to be disappointed

His critics allegedly call him names and go to his pub to hit him. But they can’t silence him. If the Church of Scotland deserves an ASBO for not behaving as he wants it to, he’ll say so by grassing them up to the local newspapers.

It is hugely surprising that his Press & Journal claim that the Church of Scotland deserved an ASBO (see last week’s column) didn’t get taken up internationally.

Also, in a really brave move, he’s called our attention to a little-known fact. Brace yourselves: in John’s own words:

“there is not much in Union Terrace Gardens except grass.”

‘How did he work that out?’ I can hear you ask aloud as you read this over your cornflakes.

Stone me. Hundreds of people heard this pearl of wisdom from JS and raced to Union Terrace Gardens with rolling paper, matches and things called bongs, only to be disappointed. It seems that John was complaining that the parking lot to be was full of the kind of grass you walk on, or eat if you are a deer that the Council hasn’t yet shot, (sorry, culled). Either that, or he took all the funny grass for himself and his friends on the Council – that would explain quite a lot. How did our society let this happen?

“Let’s face it, Union Terrace Gardens, apart from a few trees and the floral crest, is just grass”

Our intrepid Council Leader told the Press & Journal:

“This (the design competition) is an excellent opportunity for Aberdeen to show how good it is at creating gardens. We will see what comes through from the design brief, but I am quite looking forward to seeing the designs.”

Well, so far Aberdeen City has shown how good it is at losing arts funding, keeping schools open, caring for the elderly, and ensuring that no fraudsters are operating within the council stealing hundreds of thousands of pounds. Aberdeen has also shown how good it is at propping up the AECC, selling land at millions of pounds less than market value, filling in potholes and closing libraries. A mere £140 million pound project poses little challenge – even if we have no money.

Someone in the City Council attended the meetings – yet the head of the Council claimed to have no idea the project existed

There is no reaction yet from governments in New York, Paris and London – but in light of John’s comments they will be swiftly moving to check their city centre parks for grass and make any necessary corrections. Let’s all hope that after the design contest, which we are all eagerly awaiting as we struggle to pay bills, buy food and petrol etc. will ensure that there is none of this grass-type stuff left over.

I can only hope that John stays away from grass lest his otherwise astute judgement, financial acumen, people skills and fine mind suffer.

Tory councillor Alan Donnelly quite rightly asked:

“What planet do people think we are living on if they think we would support the destruction of Union Terrace Gardens?”

Well, it could be the same planet that saw Aberdeen City’s ACSEF spending some £300k (meant for Peacock Visual Arts) on a consultation showing, er, a big concrete square where the gardens now are. That’s some coincidence.

Deja Vu
(French expression) literally ‘already seen’. A spooky feeling that you’ve been there before. As Aberdeen Voice historian Alex Mitchell alluded to in one of his excellent articles on the City’s history, the £1.2 million pounds of funding that was lost to the City as ACSEF, the City and (£750 million pound a year taxpayer funded) Scottish Enterprise bravely battled to kill Peacock Visual Arts long-planned expansion was not the first time the City scored such a colossal own goal.

Cast your mind back some 5 or 6 years.

The Citadel had been earmarked for an arts centre. It wasn’t going to be turned into a parking lot or shopping mall and there definitely weren’t going to be any deer or any grass: everyone could have been happy. The plan was written up and many meetings took place – the City, arts leaders, etc. No one knows to this day precisely why we didn’t get a plan to the Arts Council on time (spooky!).

Kilroy Silk wanted to distance himself from the party because he thought they were ridiculous. How bad is that?

Someone in the City Council attended the meetings – yet the head of the Council claimed to have no idea the project existed. If memory serves, the sum was probably £1 million and change. So if you get the feeling that your cash-strapped City had lost Arts Council funding previously – you are correct.

Was it a bit of history eerily repeating itself – or is it possible that the City has not been very well managed and organised for a few years? Something to think about. Ask your local Councillor or get out a Ouija board and try to contact the LibDems. While you’re at it; ask them about the deer, Loirston Loch, services for the elderly and school closures should you make contact.

UKIP
(collective noun) Comedy troupe such as Bremner Bird & Fortune, Monty Python, The Goonies, and the Lib Dems.

Faced with the Kafkaesque deer, Union Terrace Gardens, and Loirston Loch horror stories, we need to keep our spirits up and what organisation is better placed to give everyone a much-needed heartfelt laughing fit than the United Kingdom Independence Party?

He might not be a part of the UKIP posse any more, but the very thought of colourful (literally) TV personality Kilroy-Silk alone should get you chuckling. You might not know it, but the UKIP party has had more infighting than the SNP/Lib Dem coalition.

There apparently was a UKIP candidate in East Kilbride who had a whole laundry list of fascist policies; the UKIP mainstream disowned him. In fact Kilroy Silk wanted to distance himself from the party because he thought they were ridiculous. How bad is that? Their MEP member Nigel Farage has made some errors of judgment including appearing on Have I Got News For You (unaware that he was the biggest laugh of the night) and as well as car crash TV, this UKIP leader has serious slapstick form.

On the day of the General Election in May, Farage’s two-seater plane got entangled in a UKIP banner it was trailing and crashed shortly after take-off from an airfield in Northamptonshire – no one was hurt. Vote for them if you like – can’t be worse than what we’ve got, and they obviously have a sense of humour.

Next week: More of the same

Old Susannah’s Dictionary No.27 – A Mail Dominated Issue?

Articles, Community, Creative Writing, Information, Opinion, Satire and Humour Comments Off

Mar 112011

Voice’s Old Susannah comments on current events and enlightens us with definitions of some tricky terms with a locally topical taste.

A week is a long time in politics so they say (NB – for some of you Councillors out there, a week is ‘about’ seven days), and poor old John Stewart, our fearless Council Leader, is having quite a week. Not only are people refusing to do as he says (the Church of Scotland are being very mean indeed), but people are also actually questioning him.

Yes, really! He is head of our Council, after all: who are we to question him, whether it be about killing – sorry culling – deer, building stadiums, service cuts or Council job losses?

Old Susannah is against anyone hitting anyone, but a woman has apparently smacked our John when he was out with his partner Neil having a lager shandy in the Kirkgate Bar. Violence is no answer, but the question is what provoked it? I am told she was a council employee. Maybe she just likes parks, deer, schools, services and clean air?

The truth is out there, someone please fill me in … on second thoughts, please, don’t fill me in, just enlighten me.

But my sympathies lie with those brave souls who would try and park at Golden Square. There are about 3 versions of how long you can stay and how much it costs. You would need a lawyer and an accountant to avoid getting a ticket, and our Kate’s been in the news assuring us that the contradictory signs will be looked at some time, and that fines already given out will stand. How much better run the parking is now than a year ago when the meager funds collected for parking in Golden Square went to a deserving charity. The Council shows its usual compassion and logic yet again.

ASBO: (Noun) UK, modern acronym coined under the Blair Government signifying ‘anti-social behaviour order’.

These were given to persistently badly-behaving people (loud music always blaring at night, aggressive or offensive behaviour, what have you) and it was believed an ASBO would shame the wrongdoer into becoming a model citizen. Unfortunately the ASBO instead ‘became a badge of honour for CHAVS (‘Council-Housed and Violent’) and NEDS (‘Non-Educated Delinquents). Acronyms all round then.

Our very own Leader John Stewart says that the Church of Scotland should be given an ASBO. Why you might rightly ask?

This great modern, imaginative look would be so very wonderful in Union Terrace Gardens, I am sure.

Well, the Church did not behave as John wanted it to. That itself is enough to convince me an ASBO is deserved, but for openers, the Church of Scotland would not lower its selling price for Greyfriars Church next to Marischal College to the level John wanted, and the City could not therefore buy it.

As we all know, Aberdeen City Council will sell property to you (if you are a multimillionaire developer) for far less than the market value, so why wouldn’t the Church do the same for the City?

But the Church had gone even farther – it would not clean its granite facade, and it charged the City for swinging a crane over the church when it made the glorious remodeling of Marischal College. I am sure we all agree that with its newly cleaned Granite, Marischal looks splendid. It does not remotely look at all like a sterile, antiseptic giant wedding cake of a building out of sync with its environment. Its loveliness is enhanced by the removal of any trace of greenery (so far anyway) and the addition of a concrete pavement. This great modern, imaginative look would be so very wonderful in Union Terrace Gardens, I am sure.

The Church should have been forced to likewise spend hundreds of thousands of pounds to remove any trace of dirt from its building, even if the dirt makes the architectural features stand out and adds character (antique metal pieces are cherished for their ‘patina’ – and cleaning such an antique lowers its value).

I am sure those people opposed to the deer kill – sorry, I mean cull – are most glad that vast sums of money were spent cleaning Marischal College (not to mention the £80 million allocated to the project in total) and understand that the City cannot find £225k anywhere for fences or plastic for the trees, so will quite rightly kill, I mean cull, the deer.

Funnily enough, it is standard practice to charge a builder for swinging cranes over the top of existing buildings. However, the Church should have known the Council would never have permitted anything to go wrong, and should have waived this usual fee. An ASBO is the least the Church should receive for being mean to John.

we can count on her going back to the Press & Journal to publicly set the record straight. She would, of course, not want to mislead P&J readers

An ASBO can also be used to make a bad neighbour keep their property in good order. So if you know of any person or entity in Aberdeen which fails to maintain property they own – such as pavements being crooked, dangerous and litter-strewn, roads covered with potholes, – do get in touch with your Council and ask for an ASBO to be doled out. Tell them John sent you.

Email: (Verb) To send communication via electronic means to a specified recipient or recipients.

I hear that all the young people today are using email rather than putting pen to paper, but it should be remembered that email does not always get to its desired location (unlike snail mail, which never goes astray).

It is also easy for email to be accidentally ‘deleted’. Such an unfortunate thing happened to our own Councillor Aileen Malone, who accidentally deleted email (including one from me), which showed people living in Aberdeen were opposed to the deer kill -I mean cull. Ms Malone went to the press last week, saying ‘about one’ email from Aberdeen residents were sent to her about the deer slaughter. Now that she knows she had received more, we can count on her going back to the Press & Journal to publicly set the record straight. She would, of course, not want to mislead P&J readers.

It also looks like an electronic communication sent by MSP Richard Baker to object (goodness knows why) to building the Loirston Community Arena Stadium thingy never was received by our planning geniuses. It certainly was not mentioned in the report prepared by the Council for the Loirston hearing, which did manage to quote MSP Adam’s support for the stadium. Reports are reaching Old Susannah that a senior Council official says Richard Baker did not submit an objection in time /did not submit one. I know whom I am inclined to believe – watch this space for further developments.

In summary, email is used to send communication – but if you receive any email you do not want to have or which is inconvenient, just delete it and deny it. No one will ever find out. Simples.

Blackmail: (Verb) To threaten to use force or expose information unless money or other compensation is delivered.

The problem with giving into the demands of blackmailers is that once you start, they will keep on blackmailing you forever

Blackmail is illegal of course. A kidnapper may threaten to kill – sorry, cull – an innocent hostage unless demands are met. A City Council may threaten to kill – sorry cull , a number of tame, blameless, innocent, beautiful deer in order to plant trees (which could be planted anywhere) unless animal lovers come up with £225K by a deadline.

Personally I think this is the most innovative thinking to come out of the Council in ages. The City could start using this tactic elsewhere. Maybe they could threaten to close schools, shed jobs and services unless they get more money.

The problem with giving into the demands of blackmailers is that once you start, they will keep on blackmailing you forever. The problem with giving a wasteful institution more money is that they will keep wasting money on frivolous, self-aggrandizing projects (squares, shopping malls, grandiose offices with new state-of-the-art features and new furniture) while the people whose needs are greater suffer.

Does this Council need more money – or does it need more common sense, compassion and humility? (At least we will take comfort knowing that whatever is going on, Kate Dean still finds time to attend a dozen or so shows at the AECC a year. I am still thinking what a night it must have been for Neil Young when she attended his show – did he get a chance to meet her I wonder? What are her favourite Neil Young songs? Top must be ‘Proud to be a Union Man’).

If the shoe were on the other foot and a population grew weary of its bungling elected officials, blackmail could also be used: ‘Represent our views, give us decent services and clean, safe streets – or we will vote you out of office’. Not a pleasant thought, is it?

Diversion (1): (Noun) A re-routing of traffic to enable emergency works or repairs to take place.

A diversion should take in as many side roads and eat up as much petrol and time as possible, and should not distract a driver with unnecessary signage – they will eventually figure out where they are. A diversion say from one end of Berryden to the other might take in a few hospitals and be routed on narrow back streets.

Diversion (2): (Noun) To deflect attention or resources from one area to another, often to cover up any error or bad practice.

Only the worst kind of cynic would suggest that recent press announcements concerning Sir Ian Wood pledging £400k or so towards a Union Terrace Gardens Trust (of some sort or other) and Scottish Enterprise pledging likewise towards turning UTG into a much-needed parking lot are a diversion.

What would Sir I and SE want to divert attention from? Surely not the emerging story that money, which had been earmarked for the Peacock project – some £375k – was actually spent on the rival plan backed by ACSEF, Stew Milne and Sir I? No – I am certain SE, ACSEF, Sir I and Stew all want to find out and bring to light just how this money was diverted from Peacock – they do not want to divert your attention from this little matter at all.

Truth will out; even if ACSEF still refuse to hand over its meeting minutes to me. I could send them another FOI request, but banging my head against the wall or talking to a lamppost would be more fruitful. If any readers out there would like to contact ACSEF or SE and ask for copies of meeting minutes where Peacock, UTG, and funding were discussed, please do be my guest.

Old Susannah’s Dictionary No.24

Aberdeen City, Articles, Creative Writing, Opinion, Satire and Humour Comments Off

Feb 182011

Voice’s Old Susannah comments on current events ducking under the radar as well as making the headlines, and enlightens us with definitions of some tricky terms with a locally topical taste.

It seems the Ministry of Defence is in hot water again, although I don’t see what the fuss is all about. The Armed Forces had to make budget cuts (probably because of all those planes they bought can’t actually fly), and are letting people go.

In keeping with their historically tight budget controls, people being made redundant were informed by email, thereby saving the expense of postage stamps and letters and avoiding the tedious exercise of telling people face-to-face they would soon be jobless.

What they probably should have done was to leave a portable computer on a train with the info in it – that seems to be how they usually prefer to release information.

I guess it might have been a bit inconvenient to the people on the front lines in Afghanistan getting these emails, but remember, these are professional soldiers. No doubt they will read the email announcing their joblessness, and just get on with the war (or police action, or intervention, or whatever exactly we’re calling this one at the moment). It’s not as if the thought of unemployment might prey on their minds when they are on the front lines trying to stay alive, and since the UK economy is in such rosy shape, no doubt these folks will have a choice of high-flying jobs at their fingertips when they get back home.

For those lucky unemployed ex-soldiers, if they’re coming home to Aberdeen, we’ll have a host of jobs related to the Community Arena. Yes, Dr (of what I don’t know) Margaret Bochel has delivered a report following the Loirston hearing: the Community Arena Stadium will be an iconic building that will attract people from all over the world and make us all rich. Pollution, greenbelt and animal habitats pale into insignificance when compared to the importance of a new home for the Dons.

In case you didn’t know the people involved in this scheme include someone from the Cove Bay Rangers, who have a related scheme.
And yes, it is just a coincidence that Kate Dean’s husband is connected to CBR (STOP PRESS: I have just received the following advice about Mr Dean’s connection to the CBR: “…the information on the ACC website refers to Cove Rangers Supporters Club, which is very different from the Board of Cove Rangers. As Mr Dean is also a referee, I was told that it is unlikely that the information on the website is correct as it would not be appropriate for him to be Chair of the Supporters Club”. Old Susannah must apologise for thinking there would be some kind of link between the supporters club and the football team itself. Silly mistake.

I don’t think there can be much fun at Glencraft just now – it’s one obstacle after another.
Manager Andy Laing – who has given years to keeping the dream of Glencraft alive – has been given a little rent increase by our beloved City Council. In the old days the rent was just £1, reflecting the social importance of the business. And what was the rent increase our Council came up with for this historic factory which does so much for people with sight impairment or who face other ability challenges?

While the new rent fee wouldn’t even pay for a decent consultant, Glencraft now have to find £120,000. This isn’t a great deal of money after all; it’s only 1% of the £11 million the City wrote off the other year in bad debts.

it is plain to see that we’ve got the best trained councillors in the northern hemisphere solving our problems

Glencraft will manage no doubt; if not, then it is a dog-eat-dog economy after all. But in case you want to show your support, get to Glencraft next time you need a piece of furniture however large or small (or even go and buy a scented candle). Old Susannah bought a lovely wooden chest there recently, and will be back soon. Glencraft is open evenings and Saturdays.

Finally a small complaint – the Post Office doesn’t seem to be running very smoothly at the moment. I keep checking my letterbox, but still the Valentines cards from Dean and Milne haven’t arrived. Posties – please check your bags; many thanks.

Words in the news this week…

Training

The sharpest City Council minds know they need to stay on top of the latest developments and trends, or they will be left behind, looking like old-fashioned throwbacks unaware of current best practice in a changing world. Training is the answer. To train (verb) is the ‘act of imparting or receiving information or skills’. Last financial year, Aberdeen City Councillors only had £10,000 or so spent on their training needs (just slightly over the figure Ms Dean claimed in expenses that year), but this was money well spent. The City’s web pages don’t readily show who went on the courses, where they were held or how long they lasted, but it is plain to see that we’ve got the best trained councillors in the northern hemisphere solving our problems.

We do know what the courses were called, and you will be impressed to hear that they included ‘Best Practice in Employment Services’ which will explain the recent smooth handling of the Council’s staffing / salary issues. The employer/employee relationships at the Council don’t just happen by accident – it is all a matter of tact and diplomacy, fostered by a great training programme.

Another training course you and I pay for, ‘Equality is Essential for Elected Members’ springs to mind; I guess Councillors are told not to discriminate, and that would explain why men and women at the Council are paid equally. This would also explain why Glencraft, recipient of a rent rise from £1 to £120,000 this year, are being treated just like everyone else. I suppose that in these cash-strapped times, any councillor or dignitary receiving a peppercorn rent will have been handed a similar rent rise.

The more intellectual councillor can attend courses such as “Hot Topic – Granite City Grit”, “Access to Information”, and “Safe and Stronger”. I can see the Grit being a hard issue to get a grip on, seeing as we can’t afford any and the ‘Access to Information’ course is not an easy matter either, seeing as they now want to close a half dozen libraries, so information will be harder to come by. ‘Safer and Stronger’ might involve how to work out at the gym, but I suspect it refers to the safer and stronger economy we have because of the plans of our elected officials.

But the course that clearly has had the most impact? The “Public Value Seminar” of course.

There also is something called a “Distributed Leadership Seminar”; perhaps this is where the Liberal Democrat / SNP ‘coalition’ learns how to share the leadership of the City in such a seamless fashion. But the course that clearly has had the most impact? The “Public Value Seminar” of course.

Association for Public Service Excellence (noun)

A federation set up to recognise outstanding performance throughout the UK by elected officials and local governments.

John Stewart will happily explain his role representing Aberdeen City Council on the Association for Public Service Excellence board to anyone who wants to know, but as he’s a busy man just now, I’ll give it a go.

The “Association for Public Service Excellence” or ‘APSE’ to its friends serves several useful functions in today’s society, keeping the public in the luxurious style it is accustomed to. Community Councillors from across the UK get together for an Awards Ceremony, no doubt the taxpayer funds the trip and hotel out of gratitude. I am pretty sure that the BAFTA and Oscar/Academy Awards were started as a reaction to the publicity and glamour that APSE award ceremonies attract.

You will in no way be surprised to hear that Aberdeen has nearly won some awards. Did you know that in the 2010 APES awards, Aberdeen was a runner up in the Best Employee and Equality Initiative category – sponsored by Unison? It is a strange thing that we didn’t win it. After all, we have paid men and women equally for a few days now and Unison officials do work closely with the Council, even if it is in the context of Unison trying to save its members from job losses and salary cuts.

Other awards we nearly won were for our ‘Best community & Neighbourhood Initiatives” – who else has the foresight to close every community and neighbourhood local service they can and replace them with a giant stadium out of town? How did we lose that one?

I could not find any photographs of Nicole Kidman or Brad Pitt at the last APSE award ceremony, but there are lovely shots of local councillors from across the UK in their finest evening attire; just visit the APSE website for all the glamour you would expect. Better luck next year! Keep your award acceptance speech handy, Mr. Stewart: You’ll be needing it one of these years.

Outsource (verb)

To outsource or privatise is to take an asset or service from the public sector (City Council for instance), and sell it off to a private company or invent a ‘private’ company to do what taxpayer money has paid local government to do in the first place. The benefit is that the taxpayer is liberated from responsibility in future for the asset – this is also known as ‘selling off the family silver’. We have seen for instance how much more efficient and affordable our trains became after privatisation.

If I can’t understand how this will save money in the long term, that’s just my lack of education

Pensioners in retirement homes in Aberdeen rejoice! No doubt following consultation with you and your families, the City are considering putting your care in the hands of the Private Sector. You see, the Council needs to save money, and it costs money to care for you. So if we take the money the taxpayers contribute to the city, give it to a private company that is in business to make money, your homes will magically cost less to run.

To ensure everything goes smoothly, some councillors are suggesting councillors be on the board of the company that will run your homes. Since private companies need to turn profits unlike (obviously) the city, there may be a few changes and a few corners cut, but seeing as how this would never happen without your agreement, congratulations on this wise business move. If I can’t understand how this will save money in the long term, that’s just my lack of education. Still, when has the Council ever steered us wrong?

Marks & Spencer Dine in for Two for a Tenner follow up:

Some time back I wrote about the Marks & Spencer ‘Dine in for 2 for £10’ offers, and how they were destroying the fabric and morals of our otherwise genteel society, and how the SNP were working to save us by getting the Scottish Parliament to ban M&S from making these offers.

Well, I need to confess: I’ve done a deal with M&S. There I was last weekend in M&S, looking for sensible socks and radishes, when I heard a crowd of excited people. When I looked up, all became clear. In giant red and pink signs, Marks & Sparks was offering yet another deal involving alcohol. But no £10 deal this time – no, the price had been doubled.

A man offered me a box of candy if I took the deal (I think this is referred to as a ‘sweetener’), and as a swarm of people of all ages around me fought over strawberries and mashed potato side dishes, I knew I had been sucked in. So – I recklessly blew my entire food budget, and have nothing to show for it but two sirloin steaks, a bag of salad (‘leaf’ or ‘herb’ they call it), strawberries, scallops, chocolates – and of course booze – which is the real reason anyone buys into this scheme at all. Yes, there are now two ‘Irish Coffees’ as they are known, sitting in my kitchen. I can think of nothing else – they came specially ‘prepared’ for me in glass containers which I can re-use – making it pretty certain I will be making more Irish Coffee in the future: this is another insidious way M&S keep me coming back for more.

Will I keep both Irish Coffees for myself? Share one? Have one now and another another time? Will I be able to handle it, or will I wake up days later in a police cell, holding an empty coffee glass and a half-eaten box of chocolates? Don’t let this happen to you – tell the SNP you fully support their plan to stop Marks & Spencer. It’s too late for me – I’m used to eating decent pre-packaged food and nice steaks with wine. I hope you learn from my mistakes and save yourselves.

Coming soon: statutory consultee, expert, ‘green spaces new places’ initiative; greed

The New Board For The City Square Project

Aberdeen City, Articles, Community, Featured, Information, Opinion No Responses »

Jan 072011

By Mike Shepherd.

The ACSEF newsletter for December has announced the new project management board for the City Square Project. The board will be chaired by Council leader John Stewart and there are no surprises in its make-up. A further two members, representing young people and heritage and horticultural issues are being sought.

The board to date comprises:

John Stewart – Leader of the Aberdeen Council

Robert Collier – Chief Executive of Aberdeen Chamber of Commerce

John Michie – Michie the Chemist, Chairman of Aberdeen City Centre Association

Cllr. Kevin Stewart – Deputy Leader Aberdeen Council, SNP candidate for Aberdeen Central Scottish parliamentary elections

Margaret McGinlay – Scottish Enterprise Regional Director for Aberdeen City & Shire. Director of Food and Drink for Scottish Enterprise.

Tom Smith – Chairman of ACSEF, NESSCO Group chief executive (telecommunication company)

Colin Crosby – President of Aberdeen & Grampian Chamber of Commerce, consultant with Brewin Dolphin PLC, an investment management company.

Lavina Massie – Chair of the Aberdeen City Alliance (TACA), Culter Community Council vice-chairwoman.

Sue Bruce – Aberdeen Council Chief Executive (leaving for Edinburgh and likely to be replaced).

The presence on the board of SNP leader in the council, Kevin Stewart, is of interest. Kevin will be standing as the SNP candidate for the Central Aberdeen seat in the May Scottish parliamentary elections. The seat is currently held by Labour MSP Lewis MacDonald with a majority of only 382 and is described on the SNP website as one of the party’s top target seats. Kevin will no doubt hope to avoid the City Square becoming an issue in the May election although it is difficult to see how he can avoid this as the full council meets on April 27th – just eight days before the election on May 5th.

it is distinctly possible that any new administration could kill of the project as a priority

The City Square dominates the Council meeting and the agenda is highly controversial including a vote on approving the transfer of the lease of Union Terrace Gardens to the limited company or trust that will take over running the project next year.

The newsletter also gives details of the milestones for the project. These are: Launch of international design competition Spring 2011; Short-listed designs out to public consultation Autumn 2011; Final design selected Spring 2012.

The project is running very late. According to the original timetable issued at the end of June 2010, the design competition was due to be launched on the 1st November last year with the final design to have been selected by the 17th June 2011. One of the big problems with the timetable is that the project will now extend beyond the Council elections in May next year and it is distinctly possible that any new administration could kill of the project as a priority.

Elsewhere in the newsletter, you can read about the so-called benefits of building the new City Square. Some of them are much less than convincing:

“There will be something for everyone.

Green Space : a calm, garden oasis in the heart of the city where you can enjoy the changing seasons

History & Heritage : outdoor and indoor areas for displaying and showcasing our history and heritage. An opportunity to see, touch and feel what is currently hidden away.”

ACSEF are also seeking “some high profile/celebrity endorsers to ‘champion’ the content development for key themes of the project: green space and gardens; leisure and recreation; science and energy; arts and culture; and history and heritage.”

The ACSEF newsletter makes for curious reading. It would be have been thought that the new project board would have been worthy of a press release, but this has not happened to date. It gives the impression of being bullish about the city square but only to the limited circulation of the newsletter amongst business people, politicians and opinion formers.

ACSEF are only too well aware of how controversial the city square is in Aberdeen.

There is a sense here of an organisation running scared from public opinion, at least until the new public relations company for the project starts work in the early part of the year.

The Council would have you believe that the City Square is a done deal; it is anything but. The whole set-up is starting to look shaky; everything is running late; the massive amount of money needed for the square is an obvious problem; many Aberdonians are still very angry about the ignored consultation and the ramifications of this will be put to a true democratic test in two elections this May and next.

Giving Away The Gardens

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Oct 082010

The future of Union Terrace Gardens came under intense scrutiny again on Wednesday 6th when a full meeting of the council was asked to vote on a new timetable for they key steps in the project. Although the proposed agenda was described as ‘only indicative’, its adoption would mean that the council were giving the go-ahead to this extremely complex initiative.

The group Friends of Union Terrace Gardens, who are campaigning for a more considered approach towards any development of the site, were allowed to make a submission to the council before the matter was put up for debate. Chairman of the group, Mike Shepherd reports;

I was allowed to give a deputation, which involved giving a ten minute talk to the council. I noted that the City Garden project has already suffered some significant delays. For instance, the item to consult the public on short-listed designs for the square has been delayed by four and a half months and will now start on the 24th August 2011.

One of the results of this is that several key decisions have been placed into the council meeting next April. These include approval of the final funding business case; a statement on the ownership of the gardens; approval of the SPV’s project business plan, approval to lease council land to the SPV and permission for the SPV to take the project forward. I urged that there is a need for caution on what is a complex financial and legal issue. I argued that to make several key decisions in one day’s council business is far too fast for the council to properly assess the situation and makes it likely that some big mistakes will be made.

The term SPV mentioned above is an acronym for Special Purpose Vehicle. An SPV is a legal entity which is a limited company or a partnership created for a specific purpose separate from the sponsoring organisation (in this case the council). The SPV could be similar to the Aberdeen City Development Company, an organisation currently being formed by the council to act as a joint venture between private enterprise and the council for the purpose of semi-privatising council assets deemed to be ‘market failures’.

A comment was made that having ignored the initial consultation where the public said no to the scheme, we would now be forced to pick the least-worst design

It has been proposed to set up the City Development Company with 12 board members of which only up to four will be from the council. The remaining board members are likely to come from private enterprise and possibly from Scottish Enterprise, a national government organisation.

The SPV would be charged with taking the city square through to completion.

This organisation is not supposed to exist until January 2012, when the council have noted a budget of £900,000 for staffing costs. However, we read in the calendar that the council are now being asked to approve granting the lease for the gardens to the SPV on April 27th 2011, at least a year before a planning submission is likely to be made. We have been told by the Council Executive that the lease would probably be assigned for 125 years. Although the council would nominally own the park, control would pass over to the SPV.

I said the following to the council during my deputation:

“If the lease is assigned early, then what happens if planning permission is not given? Does this mean that the council will have given up control of the park to a third party with no clear idea as to what happens next? How will the council get the lease back; can it get the lease back? What will be the status of UTG as a council-operated park if the lease is assigned 3 years before any construction is anticipated? Will the public be allowed to use the park after April next year?”

I didn’t get any answers to these questions. Surprisingly, the issue of a lease barely come up in the council debate that followed. However, one further controversy arose. Councillor John Stewart, the council leader and supporter of the City Garden Project, was asked if the option to keep the gardens substantially as they are would be one of those given to the public when they were being allowed to comment on the designs for the city square. No was the answer. A comment was made that having ignored the initial consultation where the public said no to the scheme, we would now be forced to pick the least-worst design.

Councillor John Stewart wrapped up the meeting by supporting what he described as an exciting, new vision for the city centre. He urged the council to approve the calendar going forward as a way to explore a possible future for Aberdeen and to fully assess the risks for the project. The vote went in his favour 21 to 13.

The fate of Union Terrace Gardens will come up again at the full council meeting on the 27th April 2011, a date when control of the gardens could be given away early. By this time, it is likely that that city-centre park will be a major issue in the Scottish parliamentary elections which are to take place eight days later on Thursday 5th May 2011. I have a feeling that the controversy over Union Terrace Gardens will have reached boiling point by then.

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