Nov 282013
 

By Brian Carroll, Interim Secretary of Aberdeen Trades Union Council

StAndrewsThis St Andrews Day, join Aberdeen ‘s celebration of Equality, Diversity and Respect.

We hope that you will join us in ensuring this event is a success, bringing together communities, celebrating the diversity across our city, and invigorating our on-going struggles for equality, diversity and respect for all.

ASSEMBLE: 10.30 am at St Nicholas Kirk Churchyard, Aberdeen. March leaves at 11am on Saturday November 30th, followed by a rally outside Marischal College, with speeches on a variety of equality issues, by Speakers from across the Equalities spectrum.

This march and rally complements and goes along with the STUC Anti Racist March and Rally in Glasgow on the same day.

We in Aberdeen have a proud record of being a multcultural, diverse and welcoming city to all and have a proud history in promoting dignity, respect, equality and fairness for all, and this day is to promote these aspects of our city.

A range of speakers will be at the rally from across the equalities spectrum, speaking on issues that are having a real detrimental impact on the lives of people across this city and the country as a whole.

We also hope to have representatives from Inverness, Moray and Dundee Trades Union Council along with MSP’s, MP’s and Local Councillors in attendance along with various local community and action groups who have organised this event with ATUC.

For further information please contact:-

Brian Carroll
Interim Secretary of Aberdeen Trades Union Council
01224 657267 (between 9am and 5pm) OR
07826 890 342

Nov 212013
 

TaxifeatFrom the comfort of the driving seat, taxi driver Fin Hall offers a street level view at issues affecting transport and infrastructure in Aberdeen.

The present incumbents of the council chambers show no sign of letting up in their pursuit of power and control, while making the city look ridiculous.

They started off as soon as they won the election by overturning the result of the UTG referendum, and yes, I know the weighted arguments behind it, and I would have voted “no” if I had been eligible to vote.

Then they continued by overturning almost every decision that the previous city leaders had implemented.

One of these was the building of the replacement stadium for Aberdeen Football Club at Loirston.

Now whether this would have been the ideal place for the ground is an argument for another day, although I suspect the majority of fans think it is the wrong place; but permission had already been given.

Meanwhile, on all the available land beside where the new stadium would have been, there are hundreds of new houses being built and loads of new offices and industrial premises. Considering that the reason given for the final blocking of the stadium plans was access, it borders on the insane that all that other building is going ahead.

It could, and most probably will, cause more congestion and traffic flow problems at least 5 days a week, whereas the football traffic would have been once very two weeks at the most.

The next act of lunacy that our city fathers have pushed through is that, by June 2017, all taxis in Aberdeen will have to be wheelchair accessible.

They are doing this under the banner of the Equality Act. What it will in fact do is make things more difficult for the average taxi passenger. As a taxi driver of more than 36 years’ experience, I can tell you that taxi companies get more requests for saloon cars than they do for wheelchair vehicles.

If you look on taxi ranks at most times, the majority of the cars are of the wheelchair-accessible type anyway.

Traffic Congestion. Picture Credit: Ian Britton.  http://www.freefoto.com/preview/41-17-The problem lies not with the amount of the appropriate type of cars, but with some of the drivers who operate such a motor vehicle.

Make no mistake, they know the rules when they come into this job.

If they are so lazy and selfish that they find any excuse not to get out of their car to assist their wheelchair-bound passenger, then their license to operate should be taken off them.

By having all cars wheelchair-friendly however, more people will be disenfranchised than will be helped. There are more people whose disability does not involve being wheelchair-bound than there are the opposite.

People with short legs, broken legs, back problems and other hindrances are totally unable to get into higher vehicles such as those that will available in a few years’ time. Some customers have already intimated to me that they will most likely be unable to go out when this comes to pass.

The only way then to get a taxi of the lower, saloon type when you come off a train or a plane, or even when you are coming home from shopping, will be to phone up and book a private hire taxi. And at peak times, usually from about 15:00 – 19:00 on weekdays, most offices are already fully booked with account customers, and don’t take in further bookings.

As to getting picked up from the station, well we all know what a farce that already is. The general pickup point from there is in from the Station Hotel, so getting to there for somebody of less mobility, complete with their suitcase is not going to be at all easy, in fact it will sometimes be impossible.

Another downside will be several drivers of an older age, who may just work off the ranks on a part-time basis, having to give up their work. The cost of these vehicles is prohibitive, they can cost as much as £28,000. This is hardly justifiable for those that may just work at the weekends.

That will leave a shortfall of taxis working the ranks at certain times.

So Aberdeen, a city which has a nationwide reputation for having the best and most comfortable taxis, will be overrun with ‘ ice cream van ‘ taxis. Gone will be your comfy ride to the airport or further, in a Mercedes or a CRV or a BMW etcetera, and instead you will rattle about on your own in the rear of an ugly uncomfortable people mover.

Sadly though, the licensing board rarely if ever listens to those with knowledge and experience of the job, and just charges ahead with ludicrous plans to satisfy its members’ already over-inflated egos.

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Oct 212013
 

Old Men’s Wee – A short story by Duncan Harley.

Danny in Pub old mens weeThat smell of old men’s wee and stale lager hung around the bar.
Locals knew it as Guys and most avoided it like the plague.
Of a weekend, the place was heaving with folk racing to sink a few before the match and  then afterwards back for more drink before making an unsteady way back home, oblivious to the cold and dark and no doubt watering a few gardens along the way.

Tonight there was no match though, only Danny.

Over here, grab a pew, what’ll you have, you’re a wee bit late pal, party’s already started, where you been?”

Danny and me went back a few years, too many to be honest, but what can you do? Last time I’d seen him he was legless. Mind you his mouth was still working big time slagging off the politicians and the work shy of our green and pleasant city. ‘I blame the Tories’ was his favourite saying when he was pissed, often closely followed by crass remarks about the Poles stealing our jobs and winching our women.

There are not many Poles round this locality which is just as well, since Danny just thought he was being funny and probably would have no recollection of what he had spouted forth the next day, unless of course he awoke to some unexplained bruising.

In the 1980’s Danny had a business running strippers around the north east. Made a fortune, loads of hangers-on, everyone’s your pal while the going’s good sort of thing. Sex, drugs and money all around, anyone who was pals with Danny had a ball. Jack Daniels on tap and coke on a rope. Every night a party night, every day a new thrill.

Then, when eventually the big boys moved in, he was forced to bow out or face annihilation.

Then came a debt collection business, repossessions and the like

The heavies didn’t even bother to buy Danny out, they just had a wee word with him one night in some dingy Fraserburgh club backroom. Something about the depth of the harbour at high tide was mentioned and it was party over.

No more hangers-on. In fact almost no friends.

Then came a debt collection business, repossessions and the like.

At first it was just cars and tellies but soon evictions, Poll Tax debts, poor folk getting hammered and the like finally got to him. Overnight, Danny became an odd job joiner, skint but with respect.

 “Just a pot of tea Danny, black, no sugar ta.”

Get away, you been drying oot? That’s why I’ve no seen you for months, makes sense now!”

As I say, we go back a long time Danny and me. Join the dots and make a fancy picture, might not be the right one, but it makes a pretty sight.

Nah Danny, just out of prison if you must know. Aggravated murder with menaces. Got off with 6 months, judge said not to do it again or else. What you been up to?”

Ah right, nice judge! Just on the bevy to be honest. Chucked in the joiner stuff, doing a few gardens if you must know. Been writing.”

The drinks arrived. A pint and double plus a surprisingly-handsome porcelain teapot complete with matching cup and saucer. The phrase ‘shaken not stirred’ came to mind, and then a waft of reality emerged from the men’s toilets.

Writing Danny! That’s good. What kind of stuff? Poetry maybe, I remember you were well into the war poets at school? There was that Owen fellow, you were quite moved by him as I recall.”

Nah, nothing like that. Science writing mainly. Not that daft science fiction mind you. More like popular science. Stuff about wind power and those renewables. Solar power, that kind of thing. Power of the sun and the wind, I that’s it mainly. Kinda thought that if that Trump mannie was against it, then it must be good.”

Over the next hour or so, I listened politely to Danny’s theories of the universe and how to change society for the benefit of the masses and maybe in passing a wee benefit for him as well.

How we all need to cut down for the sake of the folk who come after us. How if Samuel Pepys had seen fit to award the Wizard of Gordonstoun £318 in 1687 in recognition of his invention of a ‘better sea pump’ for the Admiralty, then it stood to reason that the inventor of the solar-powered aircraft carrier would be due a tidy sum indeed.

How runways and the like should be covered with solar power arrays which would rotate to face the sun according to the time of day. How golfers should hitch their clubs up to dynamos when driving in order to generate power for the national grid.

Several pints later, with my tea cold in the cup I made excuses and left. I haven’t seen Danny since but wish him well despite the spectre of all of those aeroplanes crashing into solar panel strewn runways all around the globe.

I do think his idea for hitching golfers up to the national grid is a good one but I doubt if it would really catch on.

As I say, Danny and me go back a long time. Maybe too long some would say. But what can you do?

Sep 062013
 

Woman In Hospital Bed2By Oliver Swingler.

In the darkness,
Six feet under,
Bevan turning in his grave
Sixty-five years of free healing,
The NHS he cannot save.

All the doctors,
And the nurses,
Cleaners, porters do their best,
But their efforts no longer valued
In the growing profits quest.

Drug companies pay for research
And they promise us a cure
But all they want is extra profit
And to hell with the sick and poor.

Clegg and Cameron keen to finish
Dismantling done by Brown and Blair,
PFI debts, target culture.
Reorganised for millionaires.

Shipman, Savile, Stafford hospital,
Just how bad can scandals get,
Whistle-blowers, enquiries ignored,
But you ain’t seen nothing yet!

Oh our caring,
Oh our sharing,
Now despairing NHS,
Thou art lost and gone for profit,
Privatised to serve the rich.

© Oliver Swingler, August 2013

Image credit: <a href=’http://www.123rf.com/photo_8687649_lonely-senior-woman-in-the-hospital-bed-hooked-up-to-an-iv.html’> lisafx / 123RF Stock Photo</a>

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Aug 272013
 
Douglas Craig Duthie Park

Douglas Craig (centre with rake), Tony Dawson (with sunglasses) and staff and volunteers at Duthie Park.

With thanks to Dave Macdermid.

Yet further improvements are set to be undertaken at Duthie Park after the Friends of Duthie Park received a substantial five-figure financial boost from the city’s Craig Group.
Founded and established for over 80 years in Aberdeen, Craig Group’s global shipping and energy services provide vital rescue and procurement services to offshore industry.

Douglas Craig, the company’s chairman and managing director said:

Duthie Park holds a special place in the heart of Aberdonians and visitors to the city, so we are very pleased to be associated with its revitalisation and the educational resource now available. My father and former chairman of the group, David, was a very keen gardener and it is fitting that our support includes horticultural enhancements.”

The money will be spent on winter bedding and rockery plants, new equipment for the park’s classroom, and to produce the first ever Friends of Duthie Park charity calendar.

Tony Dawson, the Friends’ chairman responded:

The Craig Group’s generosity is really appreciated and will enable projects to happen that otherwise would not be possible. Producing a Friends calendar has been on the wish list of our group for some time and will now be a reality for 2014. We’re sure it’ll prove very popular, particularly to the significant number of ex-pats who are located throughout the world and for whom Duthie Park holds special memories.”

The calendar, costing £6.99, will be available at DuthiePark, online and at selected outlets.

Duthie Park is among Scotland’s most popular parks, with over half a million visitors every year. It was bequeathed to the city in 1883 by Miss Elizabeth Crombie Duthie in remembrance of her brother and uncle. As one of the finest examples of late Victorian public parks it is included in Historic Scotland’s Inventory of Designed Landscapes and Gardens.

The recent restoration and reconstruction of several lost features was inspired by old written and photographic sources and was funded by the Heritage Lottery Fund and Aberdeen City Council. The restored DuthiePark was officially reopened on 30 June.

www.friendsofduthiepark.co.uk

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May 112013
 

With thanks to Brian Carroll.

Following on from the action which Public and Commercial Services ( PCS ) members took on Budget day, 20 March 2013, and on Tax Return Day on 5 and 8 April 2013, PCS branches in the Scottish devolved sector will be taking part in a 3 day rolling programme of action from Monday 13 May until Wednesday 15 May.

The action will be taken as follows:-

Monday 13 May

Justice Sector (All day) Registers of Scotland (pm only)
Crown Office and Procurator Fiscal Service (all day)
Registers of Scotland (pm only)
Scottish Courts Service (all day)
Scottish Prison Service (all day)

Tuesday 14 May

Registers of Scotland (am only) Culture Sector branches (pm only)
Creative Scotland (pm only)
Historic Scotland (pm only)
National Galleries of Scotland (pm only)
National Library of Scotland (pm only)
National Museums of Scotland (pm only)
Registers of Scotland (am only)
VisitScotland (pm only)

Wednesday 15 May

Culture Sector Branches (am only)
Scottish Government, Scottish Parliament and related public bodies (all day)
Architecture and Design Scotland – all day
Audit Scotland – all day
Creative Scotland – (am only)
Highlands and Islands Airports – all day
Highlands and Islands Enterprise – all day
Historic Scotland – (am only)
National Galleries of Scotland (am only)
National Library of Scotland (am only)
National Museums of Scotland (am only)
Risk Management Authority – all day
Scotland’s Commission for Children and Young People – all day
Scottish Enterprise – all day
Scottish Government – all day
Scottish Natural Heritage – all day
Scottish Parliament – all day
Scottish Public Services Ombudsman – all day
Skills Development Scotland – all day
Sportscotland – all day
Visit Scotland – (am only)

This covers a multitude of workplaces over different days. This Branch, Scottish Courts Branch, is part of the Justice Sector and will be taking action All Day Monday 13 May 2013 and Picket Lines will be in place in all major court locations from around 7am to 10am and members will be taking action in all courts.

This is action to defend our Pay, our Pensions, our T&C’s, jobs and services.

We are requesting that the Government enter into National Negotiation around these issues and for a fair settlement to be arrived at.

The Government Refuses to talk, so we are walking !

Mar 142013
 

With thanks to Dave Macdermid

One of the objectives of the ongoing DuthiePark restoration project is to create, in conjunction with the Park Ranger Service, a natural wildlife area with frogs, ducks and swans which, it is hoped, will attract a variety of new visitors to the park can also be utilised for school projects.

To assist in this becoming a reality, the Friends of Duthie Park and Aberdeen Greenspace have organised for the Middle Lake to be planted with natural Scottish wildlife plants this Sunday, 17th March and are seeking volunteers to help with this exercise.

Duthie Park Outreach & Training Officer Arthur Gill commented:

“Members of the public are invited to join us on Sunday for what will be a different type of planting than that we normally tackle.  

“It will be muddy so wellington boots are a necessity.”

Anyone interested in assisting should come to the Middle Lake at noon this Sunday.  All ages are welcome!

Feb 212013
 

With thanks to Dave Macdermid.

This year’s Friends of Duthie Park AGM will be held within the sunken area of the Winter Gardens on Tuesday 5th March at 7 pm.

Included in the event will be an update on the restoration work being undertaken in the park which is scheduled for completion shortly.

Members and non members are welcome to attend.

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Dec 272012
 

With thanks to Brian Carroll.

The Public and Commercial Services Union Scotland (PCS)  has expressed opposition to plans for closing local courts across Scotland.

The union which represents staff of the Scottish Courts Service outlined their opposition in its response to the SCS consultation on plans to close 11 sheriff courts across Scotland.

PCS welcomes the £10 million increase in spending on maintenance of courts announced in the Autumn Statement by the Scottish Cabinet Secretary for Finance.

Brian Carroll, PCS Scottish Courts Service Branch Secretary said

“We have today submitted our response to the consultation on future court structures. PCS along with solicitors and other interest groups oppose the closure of 11 sheriff courts which seriously threatens the public access to justice, particularly in rural areas.”

Lynn Henderson, PCS Scottish Secretary said

“Following years of underspending many court buildings are in a sorry state. But this cannot be used as an excuse for closing courts. An extra £10 million investment can make a difference to the courts estate, but it does not address the £57 million backlog.  

“PCS seeks proper investment in vital public services and access to justice across Scotland.”

More about PCS.

The Public & Commercial Services Union represents over 280,000 members in the civil and public services and in the privatised commercial sector, over 30,000 of which are in Scotland. It is the 5th largest trade union affiliated to the TUC and STUC. The general secretary is Mark Serwotka and the president is Janice Godrich – on Twitter @janicegodrich. The Scottish Secretary is Lynn Henderson.

If you require any further information please contact Joy Dunn, Parliamentary, Campaigns, Media and Research Officer contact mobile 07707 311 589 email joy@pcs..org.uk

Oct 182012
 

Voice’s Old Susannah looks back on the week that was, complete with Zeppelins, BrewDogs, and a bad smell coming not from the Torry sewage plant, but a whiff of scandal from Edinburgh. By  Suzanne Kelly

Tally  Ho!  By the time you read this, I’ll have been to the Led Zeppelin film ‘Celebration Day’ at the Belmont.  Am counting the minutes.  Another major highlight of this week was  BrewDog Aberdeen’s second birthday party.  I celebrated with great people, great beers, food and a lovely cake.  Happy Birthday to Brew.

I also took in a bread-making course at Nick Nairn Cookery school; it was a great course, not least because of the lovely breads I got to take home (including the tutor’s lovely white loaf).

On the down side of this week, a dog has disappeared from its garden on Holburn Street.  Grampian police downplayed earlier Facebook posts warning of potential dog thieves in our area. 

The police issued a Facebook post about a week ago, saying dog-napping worries were just rumour-mongering, and several FB posters chimed in to ridicule the people worried about potential thefts.

The cops categorically claimed no such thing was going on. Fast-forward to 16 October, and a dog has mysteriously disappeared from its back garden in Holburn Street.

Unless the small dog, not tall enough on its hind legs to reach the lock, undid the lock, went away, and decided never to return again for food or shelter, it looks like theft is a possibility.  However, the police refuse to treat this as a theft.  There is no evidence you see.

Perhaps they had expected a smoking gun, guys in striped shirts wearing masks holding bags of swag?  I wonder whether they even checked the gate for fingerprints – they certainly could have done so.  The moral is – keep an eye on your pets as much as possible, and report anything like thefts or suspicions straight away to the Scottish SPCA – and/or email stop.dogfights@yahoo.co.uk.  PS – dogs, cats, handbags, Led Zeppelin CDs , etc. are not safe left alone in cars for any length of time, either.

Common Good Aberdeen reached its financial target of £15K for a children’s play area in Union Terrace Gardens with ease, expect a play area in UTG sometime soon, hopefully with a volunteer-run, cafe, too (with all profits going directly on UTG).  No one could object to putting a play area in a city centre park, could they?

But perhaps best of all this week was sharing joyful commuting stories with fellow bus travellers.  To a man we’re all thrilled to bits at the reduction in routes.  We are of course waiting for the corresponding reduction in bus fares, which must be just ‘round the corner‘.  How wonderful that the No. 21 bus is no more, just as those wonderful Milne homes are going up in Cove.

  I’m wondering  exactly what kind of ‘independence’ Alex is actually offering

It must have been my imagination (and the imaginations of a few dozen other people), but it seemed as if quite a number of scheduled buses (no. 3s, 1s, etc) didn’t actually materialise when they should have.  I got to learn a few more new words from fellow travellers while waiting for a No. 1 bus on Monday evening.

In the wider Scottish environment, this was the week that Cameron and Salmond signed up to a yes/no referendum (wish we’d done so over the gardens –  but never mind).  Alex smiled from the covers of most newspapers this past week, and he told the press:-

 “I didn’t want to look too triumphant.” 

Don’t worry about that, Alex, you didn’t.

In fact, Alex is starting to look like a man with Ninety-Nine Problems.

Old Susannah is looking at some of these minor worries.  All things considered, I’m wondering  exactly what kind of ‘independence’ Alex is actually offering.  For openers, once you consider some of Alex’s  pals, you come to one inescapable question:  How independent exactly is Alex himself?

Is he offering Scots independence or perhaps a form of government that is just a little bit older?

Feudalism: (Eng. noun) – A system of governance/land steward ship prevalent in the middle ages in Europe where a small minority of wealthy property holders wielded power over those with less money, and a great gap existed between the haves and have-nots.

Believe it or not, it was not only the English who were oppressing the Scottish people throughout history, many Scottish nobles did so, too.  Clan warfare, theft, battles, treachery, wife-stealing, drunkenness, cruelty – these are not just part of the daily grind at Holyrood.  Indeed, there were many forms of Scot on Scot violence in the bad old days, too.

In the feudal societies of the past, a rich man owned everything in his territory and all those below him fell in line in accordance with his wishes.  If this ‘lord’ (or sometimes the noble was given the title ‘Sir’, as in ‘Sir Ian Wood’) wanted a castle, a bit of land, or say a granite web, his lackeys ensured he got what he wanted by hook or crook, or compulsory purchase order or by an arm’s length management company or Aberdeen City Gardens Trust.

Thankfully, the days of the rich man dictating the future of the land to the common man are gone.

Alex Salmond will ensure that no rich men can possibly dictate policy, seize land (or public parks), bend Quangos to their will, shield their gold from the taxman via offshore schemes, etc.  No, Alex won’t in any way favour the rich or help them gain unfair advantage.

If he did do so, say for a Murdoch (to whom he seems to have offered his services at one point), a Wood (whose web he favoured) or a Trump (who got permission to ruin the only moveable sand dune system on the UK mainland), then we would not have a free republic.  We would have feudalism.

Intervention: (Eng. noun) to take action in a situation to try and prevent an undesirable outcome.  Interventions can be legal or not.  In Scottish politics – usually not.

When Aberdeenshire Council said no to Donald Trump, Alex’s Government weighed in and  said ‘we’re open for business; c’mon over’.  Thanks for the intervention!

But now it looks as if when Scottish Futures Trust (SFT) didn’t give the beautiful, sparkly granite web the thumbs up, Alex intervened again.

The cat is out of the bag, the chickens have come home to roost, and so on.  No doubt with the best interests of Aberdonians at heart, Alex seems to have put the £140 million web into position to get TIF funding.  Where would we have been without him?

This little intervention raises just one or two questions.  Firstly, I wonder what first attracted politician Alex Salmond to Billionaire tycoon Sir Ian Wood and his Wood-Wide-Web?

How could Scottish Futures Trust (SFT) criticised Wood’s wonderful web?  Well, for openers here is how it scored ( click on table to enlarge ):-


http://www.scotland.gov.uk/Topics/Government/Finance/18232/FOI/TIFScoring

“…further detail / clarity could have been added in relation to:

  • The potential level of private sector activity created (in terms of NDR creation) and its likelihood
  • The underlying enabling nature of the assets themselves – i.e. why are these the right assets
  • The potential level of retail activity in comparison to the overall activity enabled by the TIF
  • The rationale for the redline
  • The key milestones of the project
  • The consideration of risk and risks beyond those detailed in the submission”
    http://www.scotland.gov.uk/Topics/Government/Finance/18232/FOI/TIFComments

The SFT/Government fought tooth and nail (whatever that means) against Steve Vass of the Herald getting this information made public.  For one thing, the SFT claimed people weren’t smart enough to understand their findings.  Quite right.  They argued people would not understand  that Scottish Futures Trust and its reports were only meant to guide the Government, which was then free to ignore the report and do whatever it chose to do.  Funny, this method of government consultation seems perfectly obvious to me.

You are of course as surprised and disappointed as I am that our web didn’t get higher scores.  It’s hard to imagine SFT deciding there were some financial and risk elements.

We should have sent them some of those lovely glossy brochures from Vote for the City Gardens Trust –  you know, the ones that promised 6,500 permanent jobs and £122 million flowing into Aberdeen every year if we got us a web.  That would have swung the balance.

Some  voters may well wonder why this SFT  information wasn’t  shared in advance of any referendum vote.  I’m sure it was for our own good and not to confuse us with facts.  However, if you  are angry we had a referendum with crucial facts withheld deliberately, Go Ask Alex.  Just drop him a line to find out who was playing at what, and why anyone thought we weren’t clever enough to understand a short report.

  No doubt Alex is confident that an independent Scotland will demand a granite web

Perhaps this is all too complicated for us non-Government mortals after all.  I’m so confused I’m thinking the Government wanted a trial run of the referendum system to see what the pros and cons were in advance of the Independence Referendum.

The pros?  You can put anything you want to in a glossy brochure, true or not as long as you remain anonymous.  Result!   You can also hide the voting record from any scrutiny, as was done in Aberdeen.

The Cons?  I think there were plenty of ‘cons’ involved, don’t  you?  In fact, I’m fighting the urge to list the cons by name.

You could also be forgiven for wondering  why the SFT report was prepared in the first place, if the Government had its own ideas about what should or shouldn’t be given a TIF loan.  (Old Susannah heard an unconfirmed rumour that Alex told Sir Ian to ‘leave his money on the table’ for a year.  No doubt Alex is confident that an independent Scotland will demand a granite web.  We could put it on the back of the new Scottish Banknotes).

So, Alex is going to try not to look too triumphant.  If it helps, Alex, just think back to some of your finer moments:-

  • Testifying to the Leveson Inquiry – Alex claimed the Observer had hacked his banking account in 1999 (no evidence was found) – almost as if he were trying to deflect attention from the revelation that Mr Salmond’s adviser (Aberdein) – had agreed that the first minister would call Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt “whenever we need him to” on Murdoch’s behalf.
  • intervening in Aberdeenshire planning permission and giving Trump carte blanche to bulldoze the SSI, make life a misery for the existing residents, and run the area with heavy-handed security
  • Asking Donald Trump to back the return of Megrahi to Libya
  • Spending c. £48,000 to go to the premier of the film ‘Brave’ with an entourage
  • Claiming a sum adjacent to £1,800 per week for food and drink (four year period May 2007 onward)
  • Meddling in the future of the Granite Web, and elevating it over other areas’ projects
  • Cutting money to charities while allowing unelected quangos to thrive…..

It might not amount to quite 99 problems, Alex, but you’re getting there.  Give it a week.

Teflon: (mod Eng.noun) a non-stick coating often applied to pots and pans.

Bill Clinton lurched from sex scandal to Whitewater financial scandal and back to sex scandal again, yet he escaped relatively unscathed.  People called him ‘the Teflon President’:  nothing stuck to him.

Not that our First Minister would ever do anything untoward of course, but it is almost like he’s using deflection techniques – sorry to even think it!  Just because he showed up at Leveson with counter claims that he had been hacked when he was there to testify as to his relationship with Murdoch is no reason to think he’s a slippery character.

In fact I’ve  written to Salmond to ask for his comments on some of these little trifling issues.  As soon as he answers, I’ll let you know.  Until then, just keep waving the Saltire, chant ‘Freedom!’ and believe everything you’re being promised.  Would Alex ever steer you wrong?

Just one little thing to remember:  sooner or later that non-stick pan stops working, and it gets thrown out.

Next week:  A wee update on council finances, and an old FOI of mine updated.

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