Oct 242013
 

UTG long - Credit: Mike ShepherdBy Bob Smith.

Widdie’s noo back,wi mair bliddy cack
The fifty million is back on the table
Bit only ye see, if wi him ye agree
Aat there’s only ae horse in the stable

John Halliday’s plan, seems nae aneuch gran
The gairdens they still wull be sunken
Is it his fear, aat fowk they drink beer
In the airches wi an attitude drunken?

The plans need transformin, afore the mannie is warmin
Tae ony ideas the chiel wid see fit
If it’s nae tae street livel, t’is the wark o the devil
Onything else Sir Ian sees as shit

The P&J it dis cry, compromise wi shud try
Nae chunce o ess cumin tae pass
Sir Ian his a goal, tae fill in the bowl
An smore the gairdens en masse

Widdie’s “olive brunch”, fin it cums tae the crunch
Is nithing the sort if ye think
An ultimatum mair like, an een wi shud spike
Tho the eyn gemme is noo at its brink

So fa’ll raise the bar, in ess oot an oot war?
Wull fifty million bi seen as a bribe?
An concrete wull flow, on the girss doon alow
On champagne Sir Ian wull imbibe

Can the gairdens survive, fowks hopes kept alive
Or micht it dee in a nest o vipers?
Wull siller win the day, in aa ess affray
Help’t oot bi some ither snipers?

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013

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Oct 212013
 

By Bob Smith.
empty-golf-course2

A wis spikkin tae a gowfer
T’wis jist the ither day
Fa wis tellin me a story
Aboot Americans here tae play
.
He wis playin ower at Murcar
An met some Yankee billies
Fa’s opeenion o The Donald
Wid gie Dod Sorial the willies
.
The chiels hid played Royal Dornoch
An ither courses aat war gweed
Afore tryin oot Murcar’s challenge
Far ye hiv tae use the heid
.
Fin ask’t aboot playin Trumpie’s
They fair did hoot an holler
Sayin they hid nae intenshuns
O gien The Donald a dollar
.
Their opeenion o the Trumpie
Wid mak Donald tak the hump
The haill lot they did cry
“Stuff yer Donald Trump”
Noo a’ve heard the same opeenion
Fae Yanks playin “the hame o gowf”
Maist widna be spennin ony siller
At the Menie course an howff
.
It wid appear aat The Donald
Is nae weel thocht o at aa
Fowk in the lan o his birth
Nae langer heed his blaw
.
Noo in the rest o Bonnie Scotland
Seems the mannie’s thocht a joke
Only in the rich Nor-east corner
At Donald– fun ye canna poke
.
The mannie’s “tilt at windmills”
Fin he roars an teers his hair
If they warna near his gowf course
Div ye think the bugger wid care?
.
Awa wi yer “Love o Scatland” min
Some think yer jist a bam
We’ll aye drink a toast tae justice
O coorse wi a Glenfiddich dram

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013
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Oct 112013
 

By Bob Smith.
Marcliffeentranceroad

The Marcliffe t’is closin doon
It’s gyaan tae be nae mair
Some fowk wull be sorry
Ithers jist winna care
.
Mr Spence he is  tae retire
Say’s he’s gyaan oot wi a bang
Wi lots o things tae celebrate
Wull Trump compose a sang?
.
The mannie his bin aroon
The hotel gemme fer a fyle
An naebody can argie aat
The Marcliffe his some style
.
A’ve bin ‘ere at some waddins
Wis leuk’t efter wi great care
Bit the price o a roon o drinks
Wid gie the Rockefellers a scare
.
Yet a canna help thinkin
Fit wye’s it closin doon
Cwid it nae be cairry’t on
Bi Ross, a Spencie loon?
.
The toon needs gweed hotels
O ess we’re aye bein telt
So fit wye is ess een closin?
Fit wye cwid it nae be selt?
Priced ersels oot the mairkit?
Even in ile rich Aiberdeen
We’ll nivver ken the answer
Meybe times they are mair lean
.
Wis the askin price ower muckle?
Did ess scare hoteliers aff?
Or his the roomies nae bin full
Fer tae justify aa the staff?
.
Is Mr Spence jist affa shrewd?
An he’s oot tae mak a killin?
Kennin fine aat property developers
Tae pey his price they wull be willin
.
Fin the Marcliffe it closes
Mr Spence he wull be free
Tae wanner ower tae Menie
An meet Donald on the tee
.
He micht be a Trump supporter
Bit in retiremint a wish ‘im weel
Ae thing he his fair proved,
As a hotelier, he’s nae feel
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013
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Oct 042013
 

Be quiet, my friend. You can't tell my secrets.By Bob Smith.

The NHS lot are glaikit
PC  is on the loose
Faimily doctor or elderly
Is wirds they winna use 

Banned fae NHS bitties o paper
In case they cause offence
Fa thocht up iss bliddy crap
Is mair than a bittie dense 

PC is on the mairch
It affects noo aa wir lives
Seems wi jist hiv pairtners
Nae bidie-ins or wives 

Nursery rhymes hiv bin affected
Is baa baa black sheep noo taboo?
Wid baa baa little sheep
Be aaricht wi the P.C crew? 

The warld it his fair geen gyte
“Gyaan tae the dogs” comes tae myn
Meybe a canna use ess phrase?
In case a offend some puir canine 

Are wi tae be PC or nae PC?
Aat’s the question wi maan ask
Is’t time wi kick’t some erses
An took PC buggers tae task 

So awa aa ye PC gomerils
Free fae havers wid be bliss
Onymair  o yer glaikit ideas
An a’m sure tae tak the piss

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013

Sep 272013
 

PubSigns2By Bob Smith.

Some nichtclub ainers in Aiberdeen
Are vexed an fair pit oot
Cos ae pub can open tull 3am
Takkin some o their “loot”

Mike Wilson faa ains a club or twa
Wints tae open throweoot the nicht
Sellin booze tull it dawns sax
An idea fit’s nae aat bricht

Itherwise he micht lose siller
An eyn up cryin in his beer
Anither million doon the drain
Is aat fit his ilk a’ fear?

Is the billie fer the “poors’ hoose”
If cooncil fowk ignore his plea?
Wull he hae tae shut the doors
If wi him they dinna gree?

Wull club ainers gyaang “tae the wa”
As we listen tae their tale?
Tryin tae stir up sympathee
Or is’t anither “Epic” wail?

Aiberdeen wull be an open toon
Fer binge drinkers an face bashers
If the licencin board grant his wish
They’re minus screws an washers

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013

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Sep 192013
 

refereetallBy Bob Smith.

Ian Black yon fitba player
Some siller he’s bin layin
On results o fitba matches
Far his ain team hid bin playin

A measly ban an paltry fine
Wis aa the buggar got
Wis iss less than aa the dosh
Efter coontin up the tot?

Wullie Woodburn in nineteen fifty fower
Wis fae the gemme suspendit sine die
Fer heid buttin a Stirling Albion player
Faa kick’t Wullie twixt unkle an thigh

The ban on Wullie Woodburn
T’wis lifted efter three ‘ears
Tam Finney the English international
Wis amang fowk faa raised three cheers

So fit’s the worse offence fowks
A heid butt or an illegal bet?
Baith are brakkin aa the rules
Yet different bans they get

Eence mair the SFA fell doon
On applyin the law’s full blast
A langer ban fer Ian Black
Wid show the die’s bin cast

Ally o the new Gers claims
Lots o players hae a flutter
So gie the names tae the SFA
In case ere’s ither nutters

The fitba gemmes in sic a state
Surely integrity it still maitters
Come on ye SFA heid billies
Staun up agin thae betters

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013

Sep 122013
 

3KslimmerPicBy Bob Smith

The Triple Kirks is noo “The Pint”
The pint o’t a dinna git
As far as a can see fowks
Jist anither design fit’s shit

A “cheese grater” o ae wa’
Twa fish tanks side bi side
Tho’ the kirkie spire it seems
Is bein’ alloot tae bide

Mair office space in oor toon
Fin flats wid be mair eese
Efter 5pm an’ at wikk eyns
Human activity wull a’ cease

Affordable hooses is fit we need
Yet verra fyow cum intae bein
Fit developers class affordable
Ither fowk jist are nae seein

“The Pint” wull cum tae pass
O’ aat there’s little fear
Cos some fowk in the cooncil
Awkwird questions winna speir

A biggin wi little tae commend
Jist anither St Nicholas Hoose
In 30 years wull’t be pull’t doon
Cos it’s nae langer fit fer use?

A’ seen as farrer progress
Bit iss a jist fail tae see
Anither blicht on the skyline
In the toon twixt Don an Dee

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013

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Sep 062013
 

By Bob Smith.
Daisy

We hid a wee bit dander
T’wis jist the ither day
Gied in by Castle Fraser
The sun wis oot tae play
.
Doon past the adventure playgrun
Wi its tepee an ither things
Intae the bonnie wa’d gairden
Tae see fit naitur brings
.
Big daisies an ither flooers
Brocht colour there’s nae doot
An we myn’t tae close the gates
Tae keep the rubbities oot
.
A fylie sin a’ve seen sae muckle
Bees an butterflees in ae sector
Flittin aroon fae flooer tae flooer
An githerin up aa the nectar
Syne throwe the widdlan waak
Tree taps sweyin in the breeze
We cam upon the bonnie pond
Hame tae dyeuks an dragonflees
.
A gweed fyle there we sat
Surroondit bi naitur’s glory
The reeds an bonnie grasses
War pairt o oor day’s story
.
We climm’t up the windin path
An cam upon some coos
Faa lookit ower the fencie
Did they wint tae hae a newse?
.
The magic o iss bonnie waak
Wi a beauty hard tae beat
A sweir doon throwe the trees
A heard the patter o Hobbits’ feet

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013

Aug 302013
 

By Bob Smith. Wi apologies tae the unknown composer o Bonnie Lass O Fyvie
balmediedunes2

There eence wis a group
o Trumpie’s baboons
Cam mairchin doon throwe Menie O
A heid yin’s name wis Dod
Shoutin oot Trump he’s a god
Lang live the Great Dunes O Scatland O
.
Noo ither Menie fowk
thocht Trump he wis a gowk
Fer connachin the bonnie dunes o Menie O
He’s buggered an SSSI
Iss wis the rallyin cry
He’s deen fer the shiftin sands o Menie O
.
Donald says ye’ve nivver seen
the likes in Aiberdeen
Ma course is the best in iss warld O
Bit if yer nae weel aff
We’ll class ye as a nyaff
Ye’ll pey throwe the nose tae hit a ba O
Oh bugger damn an blast
a villain I am cast
Fer screwin some lives ower in Menie O
Weel aats jist their bad luck
An a dinna gie a f—k
Am “King” Donald, Thane o aathing O
.
Aat mannie caed Wee Eck
shud git it in the neck
Fer darin tae spike aa ma guns O
Iss winfairm a declare
A jist fin hard tae bear
An a’ll nae feenish fit a’v stairted O
.
O Trumpie gyaang tae hell
mony fowk div yell
Yer jist a pain in the ersie O
Yer cunnels nae sae bricht
An yer hair’s a bliddy sicht
Lang mey the faimilies bide in Menie O

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013

Aug 272013
 

By Bob Smith.
Pacu

Awa ower in Swedish watters
Ye micht hear some affa screams
As a wee fishie in the sea
Connachs a fyow chiels’ dreams
.
Iss  hungry fishie it wid seem
His a likin fer mannies’ bas
They creep up fin yer sweemin
An grab them wi their jas
.
Fin yer awa ower in Sweden
Skinny dippin micht nae be gweed
Thae fishies fae roon aboot
Wid queue up fer a feed
A fyow billies wull be wary
If sweemin  the Oeresund Strait
The local lads faa fish there
Micht use fowks’ bas as bait
.
Noo we’re telt it’s aa a myth
The Pacu fishie winna bite
A mannie wis haein a joke
An the story wis jist shite
.
© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013
Image Credit: I, Omnitarian. Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license
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