Annie Lennox Archives - Aberdeen Voice

Old Susannah No 85: Brigadoon, Braveheart, Brave & Balmedie

Jul 122012

Voice’s Old Susannah comments on current events and enlightens us with definitions of some tricky terms with a locally topical taste. By Suzanne Kelly.

Tally Ho! I will start by apologising for a recent column; I clearly misread the signs and got carried away. Specifically, you don’t need to worry quite so much about wearing sunscreen as I’d suggested. I also advised to make sure your pets had enough water – well, I think we’ve all had enough water by now.

Moving swiftly along, two art exhibitions are worthy of mention this week. The House of Annie Lennox exhibition at the Aberdeen Art Gallery opened with a bang. Ms Lennox was in town and a party and a press launch for the show were held.

Alas I did not get to the party, but it was a treat to have early access to the exhibition. The show is considerably expanded, and the early mementos and images from her childhood in Aberdeen show the roots of her talents and personality.

More homegrown talent is on display (albeit in Forfar) with artist Anna Geerdes’ exhibition ‘No Place’. Anna is from the Netherlands, lives in Torry, and studied at Grays School of Art. Her work explores questions of boundaries and landscapes; she’s had paintings in the Royal Academy of Art in Edinburgh, and I wish her all the best with this exceptional show on until 28 July.
http://www.angus.gov.uk/history/museums/meffan/exhibitions-2012-NoPlace.htm )

Looking out over foggy Aberdeen over the last few weeks (well, some days you couldn’t look very far for the haar) I peer through the mists and am reminded of the old film Brigadoon. This fantasy version of Scotland was so old fashioned! A bunch of tartan-clad, happy villagers in a town hidden by mist – really!

Thankfully, Hollywood has ceased any stereotyping. That’s why Pixar’s Brave’ is so much a hit, that we are helping to promote it and its vision of Scotland. Its far more realistic version of Scotland features tartan-clad, happy villagers dealing with witches and banshees. Result!

Rather than definitions from our government and its great initiatives, here is a look at some Hollywood films set amid the heather of Scotland.

Brigadoon: (proper noun; English) Movie/musical love story set in Scottish Highlands.

The tale of Brigadoon centres on a mythical Scottish town, Brigadoon. The story opens with American tourists getting lost in the foggy weather – kind of like this past fortnight. They had been in the countryside to engage in the perfectly legitimate, lucrative tourist occupation of culling invasive species, (ie, hunting).

In times past, Brigadoon was beset by evil forces.

The pair sing the memorable songs ‘no heather on the hill’ and ‘ A forestry-managing we will go’ as they look for deer to cull, carefully hanging warning signs all around them according to their risk assessment document.

The hunters discover the beautiful town of Brigadoon, with its rolling fields, sparkling granite and beautiful development opportunities. Brigadoon only appears out of the mists once every hundred years. In times past, Brigadoon was beset by evil forces.

Developers threatened to turn the fields to cheap houses and transform the market square into an iconic TIF project, and put wind turbines o’er land and sea. So the local minister prayed, and magically Brigadoon was saved from over-development, urban sprawl and unwanted forestry schemes by being hidden in time, only to appear once every 100 years (about as often as the No. 23 bus).

The villagers prepare for an upcoming wedding; the bridegroom sings ‘Go Home With Bonnie Jeannie’ , and the villagers all reply with a chorus of ‘Go Home, Ho Malone’. One of the Americans falls in love with the range of development opportunities on offer, and the locals sing a chorus of ‘Scotland’s open for Business,’ and ‘Smart, Successful Scotland.’ He returns to the land of his granny (near enough) and opens a golf course. Brigadoon is never seen again.

Braveheart: (proper noun; English) A documentary film made by Mel Gibson on the life of William Wallace.

This popular historic recreation has proven to the world that Scotland must be independent from England; it’s what Wallace would have wanted if he were here today.

These days some segments of the press are comparing Alex Salmond to Wallace for his unswerving moral code, his desire to uphold the rights of the common man against the wealthy and powerful, for painting his face with woad and going to battle for Scottish independence.

Apparently the referendum will be scheduled near the anniversary of the Battle of Bannockburn , where Wallace saw the English off. Salmond bravely rode into battle against Donald of Trump; he and his two merry administration men sailed to far, far New York. Armed only with taxpayer money (about £6,300), Salmond and Trump engaged in combat at the Battle of Le Perigord (one of Manhattan’s most expensive restaurants).

I guess Salmond didn’t want to see anything that would discredit the great windfarm expert Trump

Both sides claim victory. Salmond said windfarms were never discussed; Trump says Salmond promised no windfarms near the new Trump resort. Trump won a great victory over the moving sand dunes to tame this corner of Scotland, creating the world’s greatest golf course.

Alex Salmond is, however, not quite brave-hearted enough to watch the film ‘You’ve been trumped!’ . He has declined several invitations to view it now, including its showing at Holyrood.

I guess Salmond didn’t want to see anything that would discredit the great windfarm expert Trump, whose address at Holyrood will go down in history for its grasp of science, economics and environmental concerns. Or something. This film has disturbing scenes of people being critical of The Donald and his flunkies, which some viewers might find upsetting. The two documentary makers show Trump’s effects on the Scottish landscape and residents, as he changes nature to his own designs.

Some of these unappreciative locals selfishly refused to sell their homes to Trump and even complained when Trump’s minions accidentally cut their water off and damaged their property. The filmmakers were quite rightly arrested, and should have been hung, drawn and quartered for embarrassing Trump and Salmond with this film.

It is understood that any day now The Donald will create millions of jobs – cleaners, porters, dishwashers and maids wanted.

Alex Salmond, like Wallace, understands the importance of seeing what assistance foreign powers can bring to the struggle for Scotland’s independence. This is why Salmond allied himself with the great Rupert of Murdoch. Alex pledged his allegiance to Murdoch and apparently did all he could to help with the BskyB merger, and exchanged several messages with (soon to be former) culture secretary of the hated English, Jeremy Hunt.

This was apparently done to get the Murdoch empire to support the SNP. Like Wallace, Salmond has been summoned to England to face his enemies at the Leveson enquiry, where he was asked to explain a few things. For some reason Mr Murdoch said he could not remember anything about this matter. Let’s hope Rupert’s memory improves sometime soon.

Freedom!

Brave: (proper noun; English) Animated tale of the real Scotland of ages past, complete with happy tartan-clad villagers, a princess and a witch or two. Apparently soon to be part of the SQA curriculum for Scottish History.

Some years back, the Government and Scottish Enterprise were keen to tell the world that it was wrong to stereotype Scotland as the land of tartan, whisky, castles and sheep. Times have changed.

According to News Net Scotland, here’s what they’re saying about ‘Brave’:-

“First Minister Alex Salmond said the movie presented a huge opportunity to promote Scotland and said: “This will present us with an immense opportunity when Scotland will be centre stage in the film with all the tourism and business opportunities this will bring. I fully expect that as the film launches across the world, so will awareness of Scotland increase. Brave will be the most high-profile film ever set in, and themed around, Scotland, featuring Scottish stars.”

VisitScotland chairman Mike Cantlay said:

“When better than in the Year of Creative Scotland, and where better than right here on Scottish soil, to launch Brave for the first time in Europe?

“The film will showcase the scenery, humour and culture of Scotland, and we are looking forward to converting cinema-goers into visitors.”

Why go and see this film, when for a mere £150 or so you can have a round of golf at Trump’s newest venture?

So there you have it – the first minister says that the most high-profile film ever set in Scotland is a cartoon with witches, banshees (no offence Aileen, Kate and Jennifer) and castles. Visit Scotland (which is now working with Disney to promote the film) says the film showcases the ‘scenery’ and ‘culture’ of Scotland. We can at least look back on this film when Aberdeen is choked by housing developments to the loss of any green fields.

So bring on the new independent Scotland, battles in kilts and some witchcraft – that will put any old stereotypes to rest.

Local Hero: (proper noun) Award-winning cult film in which environmental concerns take precedence over greed.

This fantasy film depicts a Scotland which is ‘closed for business’ and as such should not be screened. Worse still, it foreshadows a very dubious film indeed…

you’ve been trumped: (proper noun) Multi-award-winning documentary depicting Donald Trump’s quest for the world’s greatest golfcourse – whatever the cost.

Result! The galaxy’s greatest golfcourse opened this week! Why go and see this film, when for a mere £150 or so you can have a round of golf at Trump’s newest venture?

Old Susannah suggests that you might want to see this film yourself when it returns (in a newly edited version with extra footage) to the Belmont Cinema this week. Saturday will see Baxter and many Menie residents come along (1:15 and 6:00 showings as well as 11:00 am). Details at http://www.picturehouses.co.uk/cinema/Belmont_Picturehouse/film/Youve_Been_Trumped/

Hope to see you there, so you can judge for yourself who is in the right: an honest American tycoon trying to make an honest pound, or the area residents, mainstream Scottish media, and little-known documentary maker, Michael Moore.

Quotes:

“I heard it was boring. I heard it wasn’t good.”
— Donald J. Trump (Property Developer)

“Factually challenged”
— George Sorial (Trump spokesperson)

“I didn’t think I could be shocked by the abuses money and power can inflict on ordinary people, but Anthony Baxter, with a calm but steely determination, exposes the way a ruthless, greedy thug can corrupt the state, the police, the media and academia. …When a handful of decent Scottish people try to defend their homes and their environment from destruction, the angry billionaire seeks to crush them. For showing us the reality of this “development”, Baxter is intimidated, harassed and bullied. But he succeeds in giving us a film as magnificent as the landscape he tries to save, and as warm and principled as the people who live in it.”
— Jeremy Hardy, BBC

“An amazing film….Director Anthony Baxter throws a spotlight on the contemptuous way in which Trump deals with the residents. But most controversial of all is the way in which the potential environmental damage caused by the development has been disregarded because of the perceived benefits to the local economy.”
— Bob Ward, The Guardian

“This is a real eye opener of a film, and a cracking piece of filmmaking from Baxter, who uses his own nous, nerve and a few judicious clips from Local Hero besides, to make a compelling case. See it and decide for yourself who are the real Brave Hearts in this tale.”
— Glasgow Herald

“A quietly angry and important film that will inspire plenty of ire in anyone frustrated by the way money and power frequently crushes anything in its path.”
— The Scotsman

“Rogue filmmaker Anthony Baxter entered the front lines of the fight against the developers to capture the outrage of the locals, who stood tall against bulldozers even as their own police force aided Trump’s henchmen in protecting his project. This shocking investigative film aims to hold Trump—and anyone else who puts personal gain ahead of the environment—accountable for their actions as it documents a protest that still wages on.”
— Michael Moore’s Traverse City Film Festival (Winner, Special Jury Prize)

See you in the funny pictures.

Comments enabled – see comments box below. Note, all comments will be moderated.

Annie’s Fired Her Gun

Creative Writing, Satire and Humour 6 Responses »

Jun 222012

By Bob Smith.

A quine ca’ed Annie Lennox
His kickit up an affa stir
Rubbishin the “gairdens” plan
Some fowk are in a birr

Gweed on ye Annie quine
Fer ca’in the plans jist crap
Ye’ve ruffled a fyow feathers
Widdie’s gang are in a flap

Ye’ve ivvery richt ti hae yer say
An hark back ti the 60’s folly
Fin biggin bliddy concrete trash
Wis thocht maist affa jolly

St Nicholas Hoose fer a stairt
Faa drimt up iss ugly wart?
Syne they blockit aff George Street
Planners didna gie a fart

Yon college doon bye Holburn
Wisna pleesin ti the ee
It seenwis aa knockit doon
In case students hid ti flee

The fauchie new Uni library
Some think it anither boob
A square biggin made o gless
A muckle giant Rubik’s cube

Oor toon is in an affa mess
Fer ‘eers hisna bin weel run
Noo if things still gyang agley
Shout “Annie Get Yer Gun”

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2012

Comments enabled – see box below.

Old Susannah No. 81: Alphabet Soup Leftovers And Dogs’ Dinners

Aberdeen City, Opinion 2 Responses »

Jun 142012

Aberdeen Voice’s Old Susannah continues her romp through Aberdeen City Council’s A to Z of services, and considers two very different ‘Mr Smiths’, and dog’s dinners. By Suzanne Kelly.

Tally Ho! The burning issues of the past week include Olympic torches and scorching internet debate following Annie Lennox’s article in the Guardian. In this piece Lennox suggests that Aberdeen might have some issues and that the City Garden Project is ‘a dog’s dinner.’

In the first place as Mr Tom Smith (ACSEF, City Garden Trust, guru of truth, etc. etc.) points out, Annie doesn’t have all the facts. Mr Smith will be happy to supply them to her. This will be a historic first, considering ACSEF’s previous economy with said facts. But what a result! Tom Smith’s kindly offered to meet Annie! I bet she’s wondering what to wear to any such meeting and is all nervous and excited. Who could blame a girl? (Do I get a meeting invite as well, Tom, seeing as I was head of one of the official referendum campaign groups?).

I’m happy to admit I don’t have all the facts, either – I keep asking for them, but I still don’t have them. For one thing, I don’t know what comments people wrote on the voting slips when the six shortlisted designs were on show. At the time comments and votes were requested (and paid for by the taxpayer). Somehow, a private company, Aberdeen City Gardens Trust, seems to have the votes. Tom is one of the people with access to them, and won’t let us see the results. It wouldn’t be helpful, you see, to release this information.

I also don’t know the concrete web’s final business plan and its financial projections. I also don’t know what the architectural drawings specify in any detail. I don’t know what went on at the many meetings held to further the web. I only have ‘redacted’ (that’s with the details hidden) minutes of all those City Gardens Projects meetings you and I paid for (we’ve spent at least £600k on consultants and services for the granite web – you know, the project which won’t cost us a penny). Call me over-cautious, but before I’d agree to borrow £90 million and commit to spending £140 million on a plan with no details, I’d want something a bit more concrete (excuse the expression).

I also don’t know the latest on Mr Smith’s front page P&J story from when he claimed UTG supporters were ‘harassing’ him and his family, and illegally hacking into his email. You would have thought that had laws been broken, he’d have raced to the papers with the update. Otherwise, it just looks like a cynical manipulation of the press close to the referendum vote. But all in all, I admit I don’t have these minor little facts.

But never mind the facts (which we’ve been asked to do so far) – once Tom’s had a word with Annie Lennox, she’ll be joining ACSEF, moving to Union Terrace and supporting the web. Rumours that she has switched PR companies to Aberdeen’s BiG remain unconfirmed.

But Ms Lennox’ calling the Granite Web ‘a dog’s dinner’ in the Guardian was hardly fair. Firstly, if you tried to feed such slop to a poor dog, it would slink away howling into the night, and the Scottish SPCA would step in, like they did to Dumfries & Galloway’s NHS supremo, one Mr Michael Keggens. Because of his busy job and busy life, Keggens left his elderly dog without food and water, locked in the house for days. Easy mistake to make I’m sure.

The Scottish SPCA were alerted to the dog barking, and found the poor thing alone in the house, caked in muck with not even water to drink. Feeding the dog and returning a day later, the Scottish SPCA found the situation hadn’t changed. Apparently living things need food and water, but you can’t expect someone high up in the NHS to know details like that. Remember this the next time you hear of an elderly or infirm patient suffering dehydration. (PS – the Scottish SPCA is desperate for help just now, as are New Arc and Willows – if you can spare anything, please think about it).

Back to Mr Smith, well a Mr Smith anyway. Old Susannah had a sudden urge this week to re-watch the old Jimmy Stewart film, ‘Mr Smith goes to Washington.’ Yes, it’s heavy on the sentiment and American values. But the gist of the plot is this: a corrupt, wealthy circle of small town businessmen and elected officials are milking the taxpayers; they have a crooked construction scheme (for a dam – a granite web would have been too far-fetched even for Hollywood). These crooks have been sucking up public money, conspiring, and hiding the facts of their self-serving plans from the electorate. This somehow sounds familiar.

In comes naive, honest Mr Smith, newly elected to the Senate, where people expect he will just do as the villains tell him to do. He eventually finds out about all the corruption, and fights it (and he wins). By the way, one of the most powerful weapons which the wealthiest crooked businessman has is his ability to dictate to the local press what to cover, how to cover it, and what to leave out of the news.

In the end ‘people power’ and truth win out over greed, corruption and manipulation. I guess that’s Hollywood for you. I’m still stumped as to why I thought of this film and wanted to see it again, but it will come to me.

Before I continue with my search through Aberdeen City Council’s A to Z of ‘services’, I’d like to say that I’m greatly looking forward to next Saturday’s (23 June) party in Union Terrace Gardens, courtesy of Common Good Aberdeen. Hope to see you there. And congratulations on the unanimous decision for a cafe in UTG to be run by Common Good Aberdeen volunteers, with 100% of profits going to improving the gardens. A result in the truest sense.

I would also like to say a sincere thank you to the Guardian for its investigations, and to Ms Lennox (who can’t win – she gets it in the neck if she says anything, and gets it in the neck if she doesn’t. But I dare say she knows what’s important and what she’s doing, and petty, small-minded criticism can’t stop her. More power to her, as they say).

Now back to Aberdeen City’s A to Z of services.

M is for Marischal College: – Result! ACC gutted this building, fitted it out with new furniture for some of the council staff, and boasted widely how wonderful it was – it only cost around £60,000,000 and it ‘came in on time and under budget’. You can’t say fairer than that, can you?

Of course we never got to see a list of what the alternatives for council office space were (Old Susannah did do a FOI, knowing there is a ton of empty space owned by ACC out there – but was told this information was top secret). Marischal may have been under budget, but what the budget was for other solutions was never disclosed.

Marischal workers are also under something else, and it’s not budget. The problem I reported earlier with leaking toilet pipes hasn’t entirely been solved. It must be kind of stimulating – you never know what’s going to land on your desk if you work at Marischal.

N is for National Fraud Initiative: – No, it’s not an initiative to strip the taxpayer of as much money as possible, it means that:-

“…Aberdeen City Council is required by law to protect the public funds it administers. We may share information provided to us with other bodies responsible for auditing or administering public funds, in order to prevent and detect fraud.”

We’ll have to wait and see if the new administration can do as well as the previous one at preventing fraud. Let’s see – we had Councillor Cassie and his little financial embarrassment. We had ‘care’ workers stealing from their elderly clients, we’ve had social workers buying themselves goods with our money; we’ve had people at the council offices taking their work home with them (in the form of embezzled funds).

There is a saying: steal something small and you’ll go to jail; steal something big and they’ll make you a legend. Steal an entire Victorian Park and put it into private hands to manage? They’ll make you an ACSEF member.

O is for Open Data: – As the Council tells us,

“Open data is about increased transparency, about sharing the information we hold with the wider community to build useful applications.”

There is a link to this open data –

“We now have a linked data repository, available at: http://linkeddata.aberdeencity.gov.uk/ which provides a number of data sets as linked data. “

Please do be my guest and visit this link. But if you’re looking for any controversial data, I’m not sure this will be much help to you.

P is for Package Holidays: – the City is giving us advice on consumer protection regarding package holidays. Result!

I wonder whether the previous Lord Provost did a package holiday when he went on some of his essential world-wide trips in order to save the city some money. His visit to Nagasaki clearly worked wonders, and I hear the Japanese want to get rid of some of their tedious green space to build granite webs.

There was a tartan created to commemorate the visit as well. While we were spending all this money on his designer jeans, clothes, travel, portraits and so on, we sensibly have just auctioned off some of the artefacts from Thomas Glover House. Glover, you may recall, was for all intents the man who most helped to open up Japan to the outside world, and his house in Aberdeen was a monument to him and his travels.

I wonder if they’ve sold the doorknobs, light bulbs and light switches from the Glover house yet?

Q is for…. nothing: There are no entries. Nothing about quality of services, quality of life, nothing. That’s because things are so good, there’s nothing left to say. (X has no listings, either, FYI).

R is for Rats: If any of you have read the previous columns about the city’s A to Z of services, you will suspect correctly that this link takes you back to the city’s exterminator services. The city will happily kill rats, rodents, insects, and a whole host of critters for you, for a fee. And as we sadly know, they’ll shoot deer.

Next week: Expect an update on the Tullos Hill deer slaughter story, the remainder of the alphabet, and a return to definitions as normal.

PS – I have learnt a great deal from the online debate sparked from the Guardian’s Annie Lennox story. But most importantly, I’ve learnt you are not allowed to criticise a place unless you live in it. Therefore, let’s have no more carping on about the situations in Syria, Iraq, Tibet, Myanmar, DRC, and so on. Glad that’s settled.

Have your say in the comments box below.

Old Susannah No. 66 – Ground Hog Day

Aberdeen City, Aberdeenshire, Articles, Community, Creative Writing, Environment, Information, Opinion, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Feb 032012

It’s the American holiday Ground Hog Day this week, and Old Susannah wonders if she’s not reading the same old stories over and over again in the local news. By Suzanne Kelly.

Happy Ground Hog Day! In America people eagerly await the movements of groundhogs on 2 February (everyone has to have a hobby I guess), and allegedly can predict whether there will be an early spring by what the little things do. Ground Hog Day was also a Bill Murray film wherein he kept reliving the same events over and over again.

As I read the Evening Express and the Press and Journal, I wonder if the same old stories aren’t coming back again and again just like Ground Hog Day. Another car crash, more pictures of cute babies and cute pets, potholes and personal health stories I’d rather not read.

And of course Union Terrace Gardens stories have sprouted up faster than the ‘rare’ pine forest the architects have now drawn fully mature in their ‘vision’ of the concrete future. Guess the pines should appease all those environmental-type people.

I had really wanted to ‘keep off the grass’ and spend one week not writing about the City Gardens Project. However, the issue continues to dominate our local newspapers, other than a few car accidents and cute pictures of babies and/or pets, there’s nothing else in the local news.

On the other hand our bus fares have gone up – by about £150 per year for weekly pass users. This is to pay for all the improvements – the increased reliability, cleanliness, and improved frequency and so on that you are experiencing. No doubt you likewise received a pay rise of 15% or more, so you don’t mind stumping up more for First Buses. I hear their owners are a bit hard hit by the recession, and heating mansions isn’t as cheap as it used to be.

Last week I was one of the deputees at the City Council’s great vote on shovelling money into the City Gardens Project. If you’re interested in what I had to say, here’s a link: http://oldsusannahsjournal.yolasite.com/

I spoke for 10 minutes, and answered 10 minutes of questions from our elected officials. Councillor McCaig repeated the promise made by Alex Haig the Scottish Infrastructure Secretary that the project will NOT go ahead if the people vote against it in the referendum. We shall see.

But back to the Ground Hog Day theme. Sir Alex Ferguson has stepped up to the plate concerning Union Terrace Gardens: he’s in favour of the garden scheme (and ‘scheme’ seems like the operative word) going ahead, per the Evening Express. But haven’t we heard from him on this score before? Yes we have – several times. You have a feeling of déjà vu for a reason.

You can usually tell something is a fact if an authority figure tells you it is true

The pro City Gardens teams are still ramping up with their fantastic, well-planned campaigns. The people in Aberdeenshire were the first to receive the glossy, beautiful (not at all fifties retro, dated, overly busy) A3 colour brochures telling them why they must vote for the City Gardens Project.

It was such a heart-breaking pity to realise that no one in the Shire gets a vote.

Easy mistake. I just wonder exactly who has paid for these brochures and this little mistake. But this lovely piece of campaigning literature (for which we don’t know who wrote, created, paid for) leads nicely to a definition or two.

Facts: (plural noun; Eng) data based on measurable, demonstrable truths and observable phenomenon.

A triangle has three sides. The sun rises in the East and sets in the West. The City Gardens Project will create 6,500 jobs and make Aberdeen £122,000,000 every year for about 20 years. All these are examples of facts.

You can usually tell something is a fact if an authority figure tells you it is true. If you read something in print, it must be true as well. All those lovely brochures that went to the Shire residents (who can’t vote on the issue) tell you to vote for for 6,500 jobs and all the millions of pounds the Teletubbie Park will bring.

Who would vote against these great things? It’s not as if these figures for an as-yet unfinished design with no price tag on it are just wild, bloated fictional guesses paid for by, er, organisations that want this building project. Or are they?

My favourite part of the brochure is the transparent boy running through the flower bed in front of the theatre. If it were to scale, the wee lad is about 27 feet tall.

If you still aren’t sure what is fact and what is fiction, here’s an example from ACSEF meeting minutes from 22 March 2010:-

“Reassurance was given that the consultation report commissioned by Scottish Enterprise on behalf of ACSEF will be independent, and the consultation process had been robust and transparent”.

Even if the electronic voting went a bit strange, and even if all of the entities involved in ‘reassuring’ that the report would be ‘independent’ wanted the garden project to go ahead, it was all ‘robust and transparent’. (and that’s a fact).

You can’t say Aberdeen doesn’t have its fair share of celebrities

Another favourite fact of mine was when Sue Bruce left Aberdeen and claimed in a press release that our city had a budget surplus of a few million pounds after she’d done her bit. (Yes, I miss her, too). Pity the budget surplus didn’t even last as long as she did here.

Celebrity: (noun or adjective) fame, or being famous. You can’t say Aberdeen doesn’t have its fair share of celebrities: There is Sir Alex Ferguson, Annie Lennox, Scotty from Star Trek, an’ tha quine fae Torry wi the accent naebody kens fa’s on ‘River City’ [Editor: am I getting the hang of Doric yet? Suz].

But alas: no longer can Aberdeen lay claim to being the home of ‘Willie’ – school janitor from ‘The Simpsons’. Willie is apparently from The Orkneys. The Evening Express carried this exclusive this week – I think they did a telephone interview with Willie or something. DOH!

At least we still have Mr Scott, and of course our own talking cactus, Spike. Neither has yet released statements through their agents or directly as to their view of Union Terrace Gardens. Annie Lennox has in the past stated that it’s up to Aberdonians to vote for what they want, but that she is a supporter of the gardens as they are.

She is clearly not as vibrant, dynamic and forward-looking as the much more hip Sir Alex Ferguson. Sir Alex took a break from throwing football boots at players’ heads long enough to yet again pop up in the press in favour of the skateboard park – sorry granite web. In the Evening Express Sir Alex is reported as saying:-

“I would urge everyone not to be scared of change and to look upon this as an opportunity and something which will allow Aberdeen to be favourably compared with cities both in the UK and further afield”

Well, we can safely assume his friend Stewart Milne looks at the gardens as being ‘an opportunity.’

Perhaps Sir Alex has hit it on the head (which he’s good at doing): I’m really just scared of change. I’m not scared of killing off the existing wildlife by removing the vital feeding and living grounds the wildlife depends on. I’m not scared of destroying beautiful, listed, healthy 200 year-old trees that clean the surrounding air. I’m not even scared of the city taking a £70 million (or probably more) gamble on an as-yet untried financial gambit: Nope, I’m just scared of change.

As to how the granite web will make Aberdeen compare to other cities and places, I’d suggest that Milton Keynes, Siberian work camps and Ceausescu’s Romanian architectural projects would be the best place to start.

I think I’ll leave it there for now. Keep a look out for your full colour brochure from the pro City Garden Project now, won’t you. It should arrive any day now (if you live in Yorkshire). You may wonder who printed it and who stands proudly behind its facts. You may wonder for quite some time, as they didn’t bother to say who they were on this flyer.

There is a helpful web address on it, even if it doesn’t work at the time of writing, I’m sure that’s just another one of the few dozen small errors that’s hit the publicity campaign.

Question: if the people supporting this project are throwing your money around on inaccurate full colour A3 leaflets that are going to the wrong houses today, what will they do with a giant architectural project tomorrow?

– Next week: disappearing press releases, Press Complaints Commission, and Code of Practice for Public Relations Agencies – and more.

Lucas-aid Or Caroline, No?

Articles, Featured, Opinion No Responses »

Aug 132010

Shocked by the revelation that ootsiders are freely and openly buying land in the NE, Voice’s David Innes muses on a theme.

Good lord. I’ll go the foot of The Great Dunes of Scotland. The Trump lot and their usual slavishly-slavering lackeys are up in arms again. Such sensitivity from those habitually so boorish themselves.