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Scottish Enterprise, Trump and Menie – Business As Usual

Aberdeenshire, Breaking, Featured, News 1 Response »

Jun 102013

How the unelected quango that is Scottish Enterprise, with ACSEF’s blessing, put business before our environment and won the day for Trump is the question. However, getting information about what happened is a bit like pulling teeth. Suzanne Kelly reports on her recent bids to obtain information from Scottish Enterprise about its engagement with Trump.

Scotland is well and truly open for business. We will wine and dine with you, fly you round our protected environment in helicopters, create feasibility studies at taxpayer expense, and give support recommending existing environmental protection is overlooked.

Well, we’ll do that if you are a foreign billionaire.

Much has been written about the relationships between Scotland’s First Ministers McConnell and Salmond, Scottish Enterprise and Donald Trump. There have been dinners both sides of the Atlantic with these key players.

The Ministerial Code prohibiting such blatant support for pending planning applications was certainly bent if not broken.

New information has come to light through Freedom of Information requests. A letter from Scottish Enterprise’s Jack Perry to Trump following their dinner is the sort of love letter that would have made Dame Barbara Cartland blush. The new FOI requests have also raised some important questions.

Anomalies between the disclosed information and the facts do not always seem to add up.

Love-letters Straight from the Heart

Scottish Enterprise – an unelected, taxpayer funded quango provided support to the Trump organisation. It is clear the organisation should deal with foreign investors. Why, however, it should have recommended – and successfully so – overriding environmental protection status to create a golf club is a mystery.

Another mystery is why the taxpayer should have spent over £30,000 on a feasibility study, or provided £40,000 helicopter flights over Menie to a billionaire.

After meeting in New York for dinner with Trump, this is what then head of Scottish Enterprise, Jack Perry wrote a letter to the Donald, which can be found here: http://menie-estate-report.yolasite.com/

The letter raises a few points as well as raising the bar in obsequiousness. In order of appearance, these include the following.

1. Perry put pressure on the head of the Shire council in the form of a letter ‘registering his profound dismay’. Scottish Enterprise could either have suggested new potential, less contentious locations for a course. It could have stayed out of the political side of things. It chose to write to the head of regional government to ‘register dismay’.

2. More importantly, Perry puts it on the table: The Scottish Government favoured the plans.

“We concur with the Scottish Government’s contention that this is genuinely a project of national importance to Scotland.”

The rejected planning application was called in by the Government, who had let its support of the plan be known in December of 2007. With this predisposition noted by close government quango head Perry, how could there have been any chance of a fair outcome? What exactly was this partiality based on? Was it the extremely favourable business projections – which now seem rather unrealistic to say the least?

3. Perry lobbies the other parties’ shadow ministers. As he put it:-

“I have tried to make it clear in these discussions that the impact of Aberdeenshire Council’s decision goes far beyond the immediate issues of the Trump development but has much wider implications for Scotland’s International image and reputation as a country which welcomes investment.”

Is it really part of the remit of Scottish Enterprise to not only lobby, but to lodge a veiled threat that saying no to this project would have ‘wider implications’?

The head of a multi-million pound quango and the influence of ACSEF, Scottish Enterprise’s Regional Advisory Board – itself unelected but taxpayer funded – could be very intimidating indeed. Indeed, Patrick Machray, then head of ACSEF, was singled out for praise in the support he lent to the Trump project, and was copied on this letter.

Perry closes his letter:-

“As Scotland’s principal economic development agency, we at Scottish Enterprise wish to see your development proceed. We will continue to do what we can to help.”

And indeed they did.

Do we really want to be funding unelected bodies, Scottish Enterprise and ACSEF, to act in a manner that sidesteps or pressurises our elected officials? It seems we do.

Freedom of Information Conundrums

Getting information should be easy, and responses to FOI requests accurate and complete. The recent replies received from Scottish Enterprise raise as many questions as they answer. Here are some issues arising.

1. Hospitality

A fairly comprehensive question was posed as to any hospitality/gifts that might have been received from the Trump organisation:-

“3. Details of any hospitality (event, gift, accommodation, etc.) offered to any member of Scottish Enterprise or Visit Scotland from Trump International (including Donald Trump, Trump International Golf Links Scotland, Trump International, and The Trump Organization) which pertains to the Menie Estate, Balmedie, SSSIs, setting up business in Scotland, environmental laws, finance available for golfing ventures in Scotland).”

The answer sounded reasonable enough at first:-

“In accordance with Section 17(1)(b) of FOISA, I can confirm that Scottish Enterprise holds no information relating to any gifts or money received from Trump International, or the other related parties listed. To comply with Scottish Enterprise’s Code of Conduct, the organisation maintains a register of gifts and hospitality received by employees from companies. I confirm that a search of the register has been undertaken and no entries relating to gifts or hospitality from Trump have been registered.”

However, Jack Perry’s letter to Donald Trump opens as follows:-

“You may or may not recall that I had the pleasure in October 2005 of joining you for lunch in the Trump Tower with the then First Minister, Mr Jack McConnell….”

Who exactly paid for this lunch? While much has been written about the subject, it is not at present clear whether the taxpayer paid for the lavish meal (steaks and shrimp in Trump Tower are not exactly inexpensive), or whether Trump did. If it was the taxpayer, how extremely generous of us, particularly when McConnell should not have been there anyway.

If it was Trump, then the cost should have appeared on Jack Perry’s hospitality details: Scottish Enterprise are saying no hospitality had been registered.

2. Funding

An excellent article on this meeting can be found in the Scotsman at http://www.scotsman.com/news/scottish-news/top-stories/how-jack-of-clubs-came-up-trumps-for-donald-1-1411884

It mentions two helicopter flights paid for by Scottish Enterprise– the Scottish taxpayer picked up the tab. The Scotsman article reports:-

“The billionaire’s golf company was lavished with attention. Two memos released by SE show that – at a cost of £4,800 to the public purse – the agency paid for two helicopter tours of Scotland, taking in the golf course site, as they showed off the country to their deep-pocketed American friends.

“A further e-mail shows they offered to meet the £40,000-50,000 cost of a feasibility study into the Menie Links site. Trump’s people were impressed, “raving” in August last year about the way enterprise agency officials were courting them. All was set fair for a deal.”

However, when asked a fairly clear question about funding:-

“2. Details of any funding applied for, granted, or rejected for Trump International (including Donald Trump, Trump International Golf Links Scotland, Trump International, and The Trump Organization) which pertains to the Menie Estate, Balmedie, SSSIs, setting up business in Scotland, environmental laws, finance available for golfing ventures in Scotland) by Visit Scotland and Scottish Enterprise.”

The reply ignored these flights:-

“I can confirm, in accordance with Section 17(1)(b) of FOISA, that Scottish Enterprise holds no information within the scope of your request. SE has not received any applications for funding, and has not granted, or rejected any applications for funding for Trump International, or the other related parties listed.”

It seems fairly evident that supplying flights worth c. £40,000 would have constituted funding granted. Money was spent in connection to the Menie Estate.

3. Time Warp

A FOI question pertained to the quote from Jack Perry appearing on the Trump website. This quote reads:-

“As Head of Scottish Enterprise, Scotland’s main economic, enterprise innovation and investment agency, I welcome the progress on Trump International Golf Links’ development in Aberdeenshire. The overall aim of Scottish Enterprise’s Tourism strategy is to achieve higher value add through the development of such premium resorts and experiences for visitors.

“We value the commitment which the Trump organisation is demonstrating by commencing work on the site at Menie, as this type of new resort development, will deliver modern, high quality accommodation and facilities to Scotland. This is critical to our ambition to help Scotland realise more value from our tourism assets. The development will attract higher spending visitors from across the UK and overseas and will further support Scotland’s position in the global market as the Home of Golf.”

“Jack Perry, Chief Executive, Scottish Enterprise”

The website did not pre-exist the course. The quote refers to work commencing on the site.

Scottish Enterprise would have us believe, however, that no correspondence took place between it and Trump. The FOI had specified that correspondence from 2008 onward was being requested. Bearing in mind the pre-approval letter from Perry to Trump was from December 2007. This was the FOI question:-

“1. Copies of correspondence to and from Visit Scotland and Scottish Enterprise on the one part and Trump International (including Donald Trump, Trump International Golf Links Scotland, Trump International, and The Trump Organization) on the other part, pertaining to the Menie Estate, Balmedie, SSSIs, setting up business in Scotland, environmental laws, finance available for golfing ventures in Scotland).”

In February this was the answer to that question:-

“We have carried out a search of our files and can advise, in accordance with Section 17(1)(b) of FOISA, that Scottish Enterprise holds no information within the scope of your request.”

As it seemed unlikely that a quotation from Perry got onto the Trump website with no correspondence taking place; a new FOI was launched. The question SE was now asked included the quotation taken from Trump’s website. This simply could not have been made before 2008 – not with the reference to work commencing.

The December 2007 letter to Trump from Perry was before the subsequent government approval of the scheme. It was time to ask Scottish Enterprise to explain, and the following questions were sent;-

“2.1 Given the answer supplied below, that no correspondence took place between Scottish Enterprise and the Trump Organisation, please explain how the above text was sent to the Trump organisation, under what circumstances, and at whose instigation.

“2.2 Please also explain the apparent inconsistency with your previous reply that there had been no correspondence between the two entities.

“2.3 If it now seems that there was correspondence between the two entities, please now submit such correspondence.”

When thus virtually cornered, SE replied:-

“Following an extensive search of files, I can confirm, in accordance with Section 17(1)(b) of FOISA that SE does not hold any information to respond to your question. Any communication officers that could have dealt directly with the Trump Organisation have since left Scottish Enterprise and, in accordance with our retention policy, we would no longer hold files which would allow us to confirm how the quote referred to above was provided to the Trump Organisation.

“Your previous FOI requested information held from 2008 onwards. The response provided was therefore accurate within the scope of your request.

“Please find attached a letter from Mr Perry, former CEO of SE, to Donald Trump dated 7 December 2007. I confirm that this is all of the information held within the scope of your request.”

The correspondence ends with the statutory advice that an investigation of how the FOI request was handled can be requested. It is a fair bet to assume it will be.

If an organisation like this quango doesn’t keep correspondence – including that sent on behalf of its CEO – then accountability simply doesn’t exist.

Does Scottish Enterprise have carte blanche and a blank chequebook? We could be forgiven for thinking so.

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The Trump Has Landed

Aberdeenshire, Featured, Opinion 5 Responses »

Jun 072013

The press had been invited to a press conference by Trump Golf Scotland. They will have heard what he has to say about his golf course, the proposed windfarm, plans for his second golf course, the popularity of his golf course, how much money he is pulling in ‘for Scotland’…. and just how wonderful he thinks he is. Sue Edwards writes.

Trump says he has the greatest golf course in the world. No, he has a golf course on what are some of the greatest sand dunes in the world.

He has torn the heart out of a rare, dynamic dune system so important that part of it had the designation ‘Site of Special Scientific Interest’, the rest designated a SINS – a Site of Interest to Natural Science.

What was once a wild and untamed area is now constricted by the tarmac roads, the vast turfed and seeded greens and fairways, fertilised to a bright vivid green in comparison with the gentle soft green of the original marram grass.

Perhaps it is a good golf course, but it is definitely in the wrong place. Nature is fighting back – strong winter winds from the beach blow sand over the whole area as they have for centuries. Trump will find he has a real fight on his hands!

What you won’t hear from Trump is the lengths he has gone to make life difficult for some of the residents.

From the start he tried to purchase some of the homes using subterfuge – first by sending a minion with a false name to say how much he would love to live in their home and offering a paltry sum, then he himself came clean, pretended to be a friend and made insulting offers. Things turned sinister when he tried to persuade Aberdeenshire Council to obtain these homes for him by compulsory purchase.

Eventually all his attempts failed, but then he turned nasty.

Sand and earth bunds were built in front of homes so that they couldn’t be seen from his precious golf course. Trees were planted to further screen their properties. Security vehicles were set to watch homes at all times of the day and night. The residents and their friends and family were stopped and questioned by Trump security – and worse.

As a neighbour Trump should be handed an ASBO. He submits planning applications, gets planning consent, then builds just whatever he wants.

the owners now look onto the back of a weed-laden sand and earth bank, imprisoned by Trump’s arrogance

The car park, for example, bears absolutely no resemblance to the planning consent he was given by the council. He has submitted at least six retrospective planning applications for work he has carried out but has no consent for, and there are further examples of development carried out without planning consent even being sought.

If you want to see examples of this, go behind the big wooden gate at the end of the clubhouse car park. Squeeze round the gate (as residents with long-standing access rights now have to do) and see how Leyton Cottage has just been blanked off.

From having glorious long views across the dunes and farmland as far as the eye can see for decades, the owners now look onto the back of a weed-laden sand and earth bank, imprisoned by Trump’s arrogance.

Sand blows off the bund into their house, water is channeled by the bank down their track to settle around their low-lying property, and lights shine into their property from the car park lights built far too close to their home. Trump staff strim the grass on the golf course side of the bund close to Leyton Cottage, but they do this on Sundays causing a noise nuisance.

The bund was never on any planning application but he went ahead and built it and now the council has caved in and will allow it to stay. Just think for a moment how you would like it if this had happened to you.

Trump once stated that he was a great environmentalist. How would he explain the rubbish heaps he has lying hidden about the estate?

Piles of rubbish are burnt regularly, and heaps of grass cuttings have plastic chemical containers buried in them. Attempts have been made to cover the evidence with sand.

Fertilisers appear to have been spread around water courses causing wild plants and weeds to spring up and thrive further downstream.

The water then carries on out to sea possibly having an effect plants and animals in the marine environment.

The local newspapers – the Press and Journal and the Evening Express – won’t say a word against Trump and his development. Could the fact that the P&J editor is married to Trump’s office manager here at Menie have some bearing on this?

Nevertheless, many folk locally have the measure of Trump and know about the way he deals with things. Yet, so many are still blinded by his ‘celebrity’ and accept just what he says as gospel truth.

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Old Susannah No. 122 – The Lady Vanishes

Opinion, Satire and Humour 4 Responses »

Jun 072013

Voice’s Old Susannah takes a look over the past week’s events in the ‘Deen and beyond. By Suzanne Kelly.

Interesting times in the Granite City of Culture; there have been two notable photography exhibitions.

On Friday 1^st June a group show of hundreds of images of Aberdeen was launched in the City of Culture HQ (formerly known as One Up). It was a good event; the Lord Provost made an upbeat speech and promised we would have a year of culture, regardless of the city’s city of culture bid.

A show of photography work at St Machar’s Cathedral by the River Don group was very impressive.

With the help of award-winning photographer Alicia Bruce, the group spent time shooting along the Don; the results are stunning (more on that elsewhere in Aberdeen Voice).

The only fly in the ale was last week’s outing by local CAMRA group, holding another real ale festival in Pittodrie. I’d been several times over the years, going on different dates, but never experienced the shortage of cask ales that my friend and I encountered Saturday afternoon. Paying full price to get in with no warning they’d run out of nearly half the advertised beers, disappointment was in the air and then some.

“Every beer I’m getting tastes the same” John said

“… as a token gesture I’d have accepted a £ reduction” Stephen said

“*%£!!”N S £”!~*$%%^*!!” Paul said.

Well, the beers that were left were, er – probably not stored or shipped very well. They were the last turkeys in the shop for a reason.

Without shaming the breweries involved, one was immediately spat out, the others bar one half (we got half measures in more ways than one) were poured out. And for comic effect, one with a ‘citrusy hint’ was so acidic that I gave a few people a good laugh as they watched my face as it hit my taste buds.

Hint of citrus? It was as much a ‘hint’ of citrus as the scene in Public Enemy where Jimmy Cagney smashed a grapefruit into Mae Clark’s face.

I was wearing a Brew Dog teeshirt, having just left their alternative beer festival. 80% of the Pittodrie crowd commented that they’d be heading to the dog soon. The thing is, I genuinely respect CAMRA; they helped me a decade ago stop some small pubs from closing. I feel like a favourite pet has bit me.

The first five minutes were spent poring over the long list of available beers; we decided what we’d have. Rounding the corner to where the casks were, we saw disappointed faces and hardly any casks. The word ‘FINISHED’ hung on signs on at least 40% of the casks.

We’d gone back to the guys who sold us full price admissions less than 10 minutes after we arrived. We explained we were not happy. They explained they usually drop the admission price when the stocks get low. What they were waiting for remains a mystery. They told me I could ‘write an email’ if I wasn’t happy. I told them I’d write an email and a bit more.

The original newsletter for Councillor Owen is no more to be found!

By way of contrast, a meal in Golden Square’s Granite Park took an overly long time. A talk with the manager about this and a minor issue or two, and the matter was amicably settled there and then.

The beer wasn’t the only disappearance last week. Alas! The original newsletter for Councillor Owen is no more to be found!

Visitors instead receive a message ‘This user has elected to delete their account and the content is no longer available’. I understand that copies of the lovely photo of the Councillor with Donald Trump senior and his hairpiece can be obtained by ebay, or at the Snappy Snaps near Little Belmont Street – feel free to ask. If only there were some way to see the cached evidence of this newsletter. Hmmmm.

And while ‘this user’ expunged her newsletter, making it disappear, a new Register of Interests appeared on Aberdeenshire’s website. The Snappy Snaps job is now registered. I couldn’t find the previous version on the Shire’s site, but happily I do have a copy saved.

Last week said councillor took time out from their busy life to comment on my column to say:-

“I object to the serious implication you make that I have or will receive or accept bribes. I refute entirely your allegations and put you on notice that I consider these defamatory and therefore actionable. I request that you desist from repeating them with immediate effect”

Old Susannah is a little confused at Gillian’s mode of attack. She seems to be telling me that I’ve been a bad girl and could be in trouble, and is backing her statement up by…. taking down her newsletter and updating her register of interest. Of course, this potential threat of my writing being ‘actionable’ is deeply distressing to me.

So much so that I’ll have to calm my nerves with a half or two of Jackhammer, Dead Pony and AB13.

Finally, spare a thought for 62 year-old Isle of Wight woman Dawn Martin. She either lost or ended a short-term lease and somehow wound up with nowhere to go. The Council are investigating, but the story is that she was given temporary accommodation in…. a tent. I think there will be a tax issue – it is a three-person tent. How this will sit with the bedroom tax officials remains to be seen.

This week the beer at Pittodrie was gone despite my paying full price to taste it; Gillian’s newsletter faded into the ether; and there have been other disappearances and losses to related to these . Time for some topical timely definitions on the things that have disappeared

Sense of Humour Loss: (compound English noun) a failure to find humour in a joke, prank or situation.

They can’t say we don’t have a great sense of humour in Aberdeen. We’ve elected kerb-crawlers, teenagers, plumber’s mates and embezzlers to Council – and they were the more serious element. The latest Aberdonian stunt to hit the nationals will no doubt impress those City of Culture judges.

Merry pranksters Jack Hearns, 20, and Owen Petrie, 21 played a hilarious joke this week; they attacked HazelheadAcademy during a school day with paintball guns. How teachers, parents and pupils would have laughed as two strange men drove to the school and started brandishing guns and firing.

Alas, some crabby parents, teachers and law enforcement officials seem to have lost their sense of fun, and arrested our pranksters.

I can’t for the life of me see what’s wrong with making kids and adults think they were under a gun attack at a school; it’s not like that could ever happen. Perhaps we’ll see another sly joke from this pair when they appear in court, probably pretending to be filled with remorse, telling tales of how tough their lives have been and that they’ll never do anything like this again.

Now that would be funny.

Evidence: (noun) tangible proof indicating an event or crime has definitely or likely taken place.

Spare a moment for the Scottish Police; they have managed to lose evidence in a few instances which hit the news this week.

Firstly, evidence seems to have gone walkies in the case of Seal slayer Graham McNally. He was found guilty of using nets designed to drown seals near his salmon cages (some would define this as a salmon farm; these installations are as much a ‘farm’ as a cage in the zoo is a lion or tiger farm).

At the end of May, evidence proving such acts occurred must have existed, but now:-

“John Robins, of the Save Our Seals Fund, said that McNally originally pled not guilty to setting illegal nets between August 2009 and August 2011, based on evidence that seals had been entangled and drowned in such nets.

“Robins has written to the COPFS asking if the charges were amended in return for a guilty plea or for any other reason, asking why the reference to the killing of seals was removed from the charges.”

See: http://www.shetnews.co.uk/news/6885-court-challenged-over-dead-seal-evidence

Could this be a case of plea bargaining? Quite possibly.

Next we have claims from one golf course owner, one Mr Donald Trump. He told the media on several occasions that there had been acts of vandalism and theft at the Menie Estate. Did the protesting rabble had damaged Mr Trump’s property.?

Interestingly the police were keen to arrest film- and trouble- makers Anthony Baxter and Richard Phinney; they were charged with breach of the peace on the say-so of Trump’s site manager. The calm, reasonable, level-headed arresting officer was caught on film. However, the police were keen to make photographer Alicia Bruce’s complaint against a member of Trump staff disappear. Bruce had called the police while being threatened – but the police seemed more interested in getting her to forget the incident, saying a prosecution would be hard on the accused. Again, evidence of wrongdoing seems to have gone astray.

In a Freedom of Information request (more details of this FOI in the future), the police revealed the number of cases of vandalism against Trump. That number is – zero.

Evidence of damage to property belonging to David Milne and to Michael Forbes exists, but alas, the police have problems finding it. This includes a videotape of vandalism taking place which Milne offered to them.

To lose one piece of evidence is unfortunate. To lose a half dozen or so pieces looks like carelessness. To refuse a piece of evidence of potential crime on film looks like something altogether different.

Here is part of a recent exchange between the police and Old Susannah (my questions in bold):-

“How many claims/complaints of vandalism, theft, trespass and/or damage have been made by the Trump Organisation and/or its employees since 2010 involving the Menie Estate?

Vandalism (Damage) – 4
Theft – 3
Trespass – 0

How many of these claims/complaints of vandalism, theft, trespass and/or damage made by the Trump Organisation and/or its employees were dropped due to lack of evidence?

No crime report has been ‘dropped’ – however, the figures in brackets below indicate those that are currently closed, having been investigated to their conclusion.

Vandalism (Damage) – 0 (4)
Theft – 0 (3)
Trespass – 0 (0)”

All of which is a bit odd. The Trump organization claimed in 2010 that £50,000’s worth of vandalism occurred – to vehicles, fences and the all-important marram grass, which is stabilizing the dunes so effectively and ‘preserving them’ in such an environmentally friendly manner.

in June of last year the Evening Express wrote:-

“VANDALS caused thousands of pounds of damage at Donald Trump’s Menie golf course just weeks before it is due to open, the Evening Express can reveal today. A police investigation was launched after gardening equipment on the Menie estate near Aberdeen was targeted. It came after a vandal attack last month when paint was thrown on to part of the course.

“A spokeswoman [but presumably not the chief spin doctor Malone] from Grampian Police said up to £10,000 of damage was caused as a result of the latest incident. The vandalism of equipment used to cut the grass on the estate took place between May 30 and June 4.”

Well, we’ve got fences, grass, grass cutting equipment, trucks vandalised and items stolen. But no evidence to bring to trial. Presuming any of this was reported to insurance companies, as would normally be expected possibly required, it does make you wonder where the evidence has gone.

Surely you wouldn’t cry vandalism or theft without evidence? As to the allegations of paint spilled on the course, I wonder if anyone will be charged with the turquoise colour now evident on most of the greens.

Unfortunately other than Michael Forbes being accused of stealing the white border flags worth a staggering eleven pounds or so, I can’t find any news items relating to anyone stealing from the Donald. Perhaps we can charge the North Sea with vandalizing the course at Blairton Burn early this year. Other than that, the claims of crimes against the course have, well, disappeared.

More on evidence of crime at Menie will be coming in the weeks ahead….

Time to disappear down to BD. Tally Ho!

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Trump – As Menie Bookings As Boasted?

Aberdeenshire, Featured, Sport 28 Responses »

May 312013

In the Financial Times on 24 May, Sarah Malone, Executive Vice-President of Trump International Golf Links, said, “10000 people played the course in its short first season last year and 11000 have already booked rounds in 2013, out of a total capacity of up to 25000”. Julian Baker looks behind these claims.

The Grass Is Greener On The Other Side Once Its Dyed. By SK16 Feb 2013

Aberdeenshire’s local authority and the Scottish Government have taken a big gamble in risking the wellbeing of an SSSI on the promise of new jobs from the Trump Organisation and a knock-on increase in tourism.

I have been following closely the volume of business this golf course is generating, by monitoring the online booking portal each evening.

This allows me to understand how many rounds have been booked for the following day.

So far this season, the course has been struggling to fill a third of its capacity. And this level of business isn’t necessarily earning the minimum green fee of £156 per person, since the word on the street is that quite a few bookings are for complimentary rounds via local businesses and for winners of raffles and competitions.

Looking ahead to the end of this season, I’ve logged the number of bookings showing on the online tool, and calculated that there’s a maximum of 7500 golfers booked in so far. That errs on the generous side. For example, that figure includes an assumption that the course is booked to its absolute capacity during the two midsummer weeks – 28 July to 11 August – where the booking tool is not in operation. I’d expect that to be more like 6500.

So 11000 booked in already for this year? I don’t think so. And I doubt that it will rise to that level by the end of the year either, because the course appears to rely on golf tours which are generally arranged some time in advance of the event.

How many Aberdeenshire folk can afford £172 for a round of golf at the weekend? Run out of fingers to count on yet?

This calls into question the figure of 10000 bookings in last year’s inaugural season. Unless that figure also includes everyone who has used the driving range and bought meals and drinks, golf balls, and Trump-branded ball markers. Or waved when they drove past the entrance.

So how confident can we be that there will be 6000 new jobs arising from this golf development? Don’t hold your breath.

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Man Or Moose?

Featured, Opinion, Satire and Humour 1 Response »

May 262013

By Bob Smith.

“Wee sleekit cow’rin tim’rous beastie
O what a panic’s in thy breastie”
So said Burns aboot a moose
Afore Eck Salmond wis in Bute Hoose
.
Trump is nae a happy chiel
Thinks “Wee Eck” a bliddy feel
Accusin the billie o tellin a porker
Tae yon affa brash New Yorker
.
The Donald he is gyaan tae court
The winfairm micht spile his resort
Claimin it breaches Human Richts
He’s takkin iss tae great hichts

Noo he’s tryin the olive brunch
Askin Eck tae gie peace a chunce
If the winfairm project wid ging awa
Aathing he’s sure it wid be braw
.
The latest fae iss bliddy chancer
Is win turbines they cause cancer
Unless the winfairm it is scrapped
His hotel’ll nae be unwrapped
.
Wull Eck be proven man or moose?
Maybe he’ll vacate Bute Hoose
Or wull he tell DT tae bugger aff
An nae tae be sae bliddy nyaff

Bob Smith”The Poetry Mannie” 2013

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New York Cowboy Builder

Aberdeenshire, Featured, Information 3 Responses »

May 172013

By Sue Edwards.

On 21 May 2013 the Formartine Area Committee of Aberdeenshire Council will meet at the Kirk Centre in Ellon to discuss various planning matters.

One of these will be to decide whether to give planning consent to a retrospective application put in by Trump International Golf Links Scotland (APP/2012/2342 on the Council’s website).

The application is for “Full Planning Permission for Engineering Operations to Construct Car Park to Serve Golf Course and Proposed Clubhouse (Amended Design) (Retrospective)”.

A retrospective planning application is explained in the two paragraphs below taken from the Scottish Government’s Guide to the Planning System in Scotland.

“If you build something without planning permission, or if you don’t follow the conditions attached to a planning permission, the council can use their enforcement powers. Enforcement is important because it makes sure that everyone stays within planning law and the conditions of their planning permission.

The council will choose what action to take. If something is built without permission, but would have been likely to have been granted permission, the council may ask the person responsible to make a ‘retrospective’ planning application. This will then be decided in the same way as all other planning applications. If the council grants planning permission, there may be conditions attached.”

The reason for this retrospective planning application is that the finished works bear no relation whatsoever to the original planning application (APP/2011/3560) for which consent was granted on 13 December 2011, including the car park layout, lighting and the materials used in the construction.

You may think, fair enough, easy to make a mistake, but this is in fact the SIXTH retrospective planning application TIGLS have had to put in to Aberdeenshire Council.
Each time, the councillors on the Formartine Area Committee have waved the application through, although on this occasion they did agree on a site visit to view the car park layout, a section of the bunds built around a neighbouring property and the lighting, but had to make a further visit (no doubt at council-taxpayer’s expense) as the lighting had been switched off for the first visit.

Would any other builders or developers be allowed to run rings around our planning laws? Why have Aberdeenshire Council not put a stop to his cavalier attitude to our planning system? HOW HAS THIS BEEN ALLOWED TO HAPPEN?

Trump has recently announced his design for the hotel he is planning to build on the Menie Estate. It has been likened to a Victorian asylum, a holiday camp, a row of beach huts, and more. But perhaps we need not worry … perhaps it will look nothing like that. We will just have to wait and see what he chooses to build, regardless of any planning consent he gets.

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A Menie Mini Break With John Aberdein

Aberdeenshire, Featured, Opinion 3 Responses »

May 132013

By Suzanne Kelly.

North-east novelist John Aberdein, author of Amande’s Bed and Strip the Willow, was in town for a few days, and found time to take a little tour of the Menie Estate with us. Here are some of his photographs and reactions.

We arrived at the Menie Estate at half twelve on a lovely, warm Spring Sunday. Walking towards the Munro property, I knew what to expect. But when you see the bund separating the Munros from the views and from the sun for the first time, it is unsettling.

The bund increases in height, but it is not just the severe, bulldozed ridge of sand that takes the breath away, it is what is planted on top.

Evergreen trees, conifers, are already brown.

“Is that supposed to be some kind of irrigation system?” John asks incredulously.

A pathetic yellow hose lies unattended, snaked up to a dying tree.

John told us that he’d planted hundreds of trees as a supporter of ‘Trees for Life’, the Findhorn-based organisation aiming to restore the Caledonian Pine Forest.

Here was a complete contrast. Conifers shovelled into a ridge of sand to be a cosmetic screen for a few months, then hauled out and replaced once they had withered, browned and died.

We all talked about this waste and misuse of living things as symptomatic of a deeper sickness.

We stopped to talk to Susan Munro’s partner, son and friend at their place. Aberdeenshire Planning seem very keen to attempt the impossible and sweep this giant mound of sand under the carpet.

It is far higher than ever agreed when permission was granted. It blocks light and the previous spectacular views. And it delivers a continuous flow of windblown sand, making Susan’s attempts at gardening difficult if not impossible.

Whether the planners are allowed to call this ghastly thing ‘landscaping’ and whether it will be allowed to slip through as the latest of many retrospective planning applications Trump has lodged remains to be seen. So far, his batting average for getting what he wants is perfect.

We stop in at Hermit’s Point. “Love that flag”, John says of the black and white ‘Tripping up Trump’ standard flying over the property. Not for the first time, I impose on Moira’s and David’s hospitality. (My drinks bill would be rather large if it were the clubhouse we were stopping at instead, I reflect). We discuss issues past, present and future.

John is again astounded at the dead and dying trees staggered around the Milne family home.

Within_The_Portal_Of_Everbrown_Golf_Course

Then we head to the course, slipping by the permanently-locked giant gate between Leyton Farm Road and the parking lot.

What would John make of the course, I wondered. Before we make our way to the dunes – where John used to go running in the Sixties as a University harrier – I suggest we stop to read the plaque Trump has had erected at the course entrance.

John – like most people I’ve taken there – is speechless for a moment.

The plaque speaks of the course Trump ‘conceived and built… encompassing the world’s largest dunes’ and how it has been ‘delicately weaved’ into the dunes, producing ‘according to many, the greatest golf course anywhere in the world’.

John comments on the ‘grandiose’ nature of this monument to bad grammar and high-octane self-delusion. We all joke about the smaller sand dunes to be found in the Sahara, Death Valley, China. Whilst out in Peru – as many may know – the Cerro Blanco dune stands 3,860 feet tall and takes at least 3 hours to climb. John wonders why it is important to claim that these are the world’s largest dunes.

“Why can’t people just enjoy them for what they are?” he rightly asks.

6,000_Jobs_At_Menie,_Repainting_Car_Bays

We walk along the tarred road that wends through the course until we can cut to the beach. John comments that, “It’s a beautiful May Sunday but so far I’ve seen only a few golfers way in the distance. I’ve yet to see anyone making a shot.”

We make it down onto the beach, where a breeze from the south is blowing, perhaps the main breeze that makes the dune system move and flow.

There is a Second World War machine-gun pillbox canted over and part-buried.

John heads for a quick swim, then we inspect the putting green that’s close to the sea, really close, the edge just 10 metres or so from the drop-off.

“Another big storm and that’s gone”, John says.

I can’t argue with that. Is it actually nearer the sea than was ever approved? MEMAG, the environmental watchdog, should know, but it’s a struggle to get them to communicate with me. Instead, a smart Trump-uniformed young guy in a buggy drives up, and asks in friendly fashion if we are enjoying ourselves and if we are ‘out walking.’ Not a lot we can really answer to that…

Walking past Michael Forbes’s salmon coble lying full of gear but marooned in the grass, John wonders how on earth the historic access Michael used to have from his own land to the sea can have been taken away.

I explain the police told him he would be charged if he tried to go through the newly-erected gate blocking his way to the shore.

The Aberdeen Outdoor Access officer has mailed me that he would be looking at these issues.

“Sad”, says John as our visit comes to a close. “Such an air of failure and bleakness. It’s impossible to imagine this place until you’ve been here. Golf courses elsewhere that I know are full of buzz and fun. But any notion of play here seems to have been expunged.” I think this means he probably won’t be booking anytime soon.

So back we go, joking about donating an arm or a leg to buy a round of drinks in the clubhouse. Past that same clubhouse – and out round the big locked gate. We rescue Steve’s springer spaniel from a swamp of black slurry and head back to town.

“Sad” is the word I’ll most remember John Aberdein using. The sun was shining, the sea was lovely, the people were great and he loved meeting them. But the atmosphere of this sterile, struggling, would-be country club had been boiled down to its simplest description. Sad.

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Old Susannah’s Journal 120 – Portrait Of A Lady

Opinion, Satire and Humour 7 Responses »

May 132013

Voice’s Old Susannah takes a look over the past week’s events in the ‘Deen and beyond. By Suzanne Kelly.

Apologies for the late arrival of this service; it’s been a busy week.

John Aberdein, author of works including Strip the Willow, was in town, and I am pleased to have been able to spend some time with him.

We met at the May Day March, where a surprisingly large number of people attended.

You almost got a sense that people weren’t all that happy with the way central government is bringing us economic prosperity.

There were some interesting speeches on issues such as the bedroom tax, health assessments, inflation, loss of workers’ rights, forced employment, austerity, exploiting young workers, service cuts and closures, and other trivialities.

For some reason I could only see Labour councillors around.

I’d hoped some of our Conservative and LibDem councillors would be on hand to dispel the Labour propaganda; they could have for instance given back-up for the Department of Work & Pensions’ claim that one in four people on sickness benefit is fit for work. I’d have also appreciated their reassurances that everything is fine and that ‘we’re all in it together’.

I keep meaning to ask a ConDem councillor exactly what ‘it’ is that we’re all in together? Economic prosperity? Fair taxes and a fair society? A bed of roses? I’d love to ask for instance Councillor Gillian Owen what ‘it’ is, but alas! She’s not going to be communicating with me.

I could conceivably have done or written something upsetting, but I now have the anxiety of waiting until Christmas time to see whether or not she’ll be sending me a card.

Rather than only offering definitions this week, I thought a portrait of Councillor Owen might make a refreshing and pleasant change, together with some related timely terms.

Councillor Gillian Owen: (Proper noun; name of an elected official in Aberdeenshire)

Conservative Party Councillor for Ellon & District, Aberdeenshire Council. Chair of the Council’s Chair of Aberdeenshire Council’s Scrutiny and Audit Committee

Councillor Gillian Owen is a multitalented woman, serving her ward and its constituents, overseeing the Scrutiny and Audit Committee, and, er. working at Snappy Snaps now and then.

Alas! I seem to have offended the lady; I’ve no idea how that could be. Some weeks ago, a number of Aberdeenshire residents gave me permission to write to their councillors on their behalf. Oddly enough, some residents don’t think their elected officials are taking them and their views seriously enough.

clearly she wanted me to call instead, as she sent her mobile number

When I wrote to councillors, some were slightly hostile; some were slightly helpful, and some simply didn’t write back to me or their constituents (they probably get so much fan mail that they don’t really have time to answer it all).

But Cllr Owen’s modest replies warmed my heart and the hearts of those voters who’d asked me to write to her in the first place.

When first contacted about her friend Donald Trump’s development and its slight tendency to occasionally deviate from the plan, she wrote:-

“As previously requested remove this email. I do not wish to receive emails from you.”

I did try to remove the email, but I didn’t have much luck. She said she didn’t want to receive emails from me; clearly she wanted me to call instead, as she sent her mobile number.

I thought I’d clarify why I was writing, and sent this:-

“Reminder Councillor: I am writing at the behest of your constituents – shall I tell them you do not want to hear from them? Thank you for clarifying//END”

To which Gillian Owing-Trump-A-Favour replied:-

‘NO I JUST WANT TO HEAR FROM THEM NOT YOU.’-

Which was rather thoughtful; full caps are so much easier for Old Susannah to read. Her constituents who’d asked me to write were touched by this warm exchange; no doubt these words deserve a wider audience.

Scrutiny and Audit Committee: (compound proper noun) A group within Aberdeenshire Council looking into issues including:-

“Residents and Employee Surveys;
“Internal and external audit reports;
” Issues raised by residents, local community groups and external organisations…”

Residents of course already know how deeply their councillors care about their concerns. It is reassuring Cllr Owen is at the helm, helping to decide what issues raised by residents will be scrutinised and audited.

As David Milne’s petition going before Holyrood on 14 May has nearly 19,000 signatories demanding a public inquiry into the handling of the post-approval developments at Trump Scotland, Gillian will doubtless prioritise this issue for her constituents. I’d ask her to confirm this myself, but she’s not going to answer.

If any readers living in the Shire would like her committee to look at issues of policing, security, environment, rights of access, adherence to the Outdoor Access Code and so on at the Menie Estate, she can be contacted at Cllr.G.Owen@aberdeenshire.gov.uk – just tell her Old Susannah sent you.

‘And what are the values of this committee?’ I practically hear people asking. They are:-

“Open, Transparent, Investigative, Deliberative, Evidence-based, Accountable, Responsive, Inclusive, Influencing, Flexible, Proactive, Non-partisan and Outward Looking.”

How important indeed it is to be open, transparent, accountable and responsive is reflected in so many things councillors do. As an aide to that transparency and openness, electors have the right to know more about their councillors. One way this noble aim is accomplished is via the Register of Interests.

Register of Interests: (compound noun) A detailed record, legally required, showing the outside interests (paid and unpaid), hospitality received and other activities of councillors so that any potential conflicts of interest can be identified and compromising situations avoided.

Codes of ethics and standards are hardly necessary for our elected officials; I for one am happy to take it on good faith that they are all working without any thought of reward other than their salaries and that they would not compromise themselves by taking inappropriate hospitality.

For instance First Minister Alex Salmond is still feeling the heat for meeting with Donald Trump while planning issues were being discussed. At least I guess he must have recorded the hospitality on his register of interests’ entry. Not doing so would be rather naughty indeed. I do get the feeling that any future dinners are somewhat unlikely.

“The Register is accurate as at today’s date [April 25 2013]” – an Aberdeenshire council employee confirmed to me recently. I had asked for clarification, as amazingly, Councillor Owen’s record did not show any remuneration, shares, election expenses, or gifts and hospitality.

Many are impressed by this saintly abstention from gifts and hospitality; it contrasts greatly with the record of old City councillor Kate Dean [Who she? Ed], who had managed to get to a heck of a lot of events indeed. No, our Councillor Owen is too busy to write to me or for any socialising or gift-getting. Canonisation cannot be far off.

Newsletter: (noun) A means, printed or electronic, of updating people on current events, news, etc.

One thing Councillor Owen does have time for is keeping us all updated on the latest news. Her newsletter can normally be found here (I have randomly chosen a lovely story link from the site):-

http://gillianowen.yourcllr.com/2012/07/11/gillian-visits-the-trump-international-golf-links/.

But alas! This newsletter website was down last night. Happily it is back up and running now, for I foresee an increased interest in it.

Just in case the site is not working when any Aberdeen Voice readers try to access it I’m certain that Cllr Owen-us-an-explanation will be more than happy for me to share this lovely photo, which I managed to save as a screenshot from her newsletter some time ago:-

It’s amazing what can happen when two world-class celebrities get together; I don’t know about you, but I simply adore this image.

This is text of the story in case it can’t be accessed on line for some reason:-

“I had the pleasure today to see at first had the new Trump International Golf Links at Menie. I must say it was a marvellous sight and a fantastic golf course. I have supported this development since it came before the Area committee five years ago and have always believed that it will provide the North East with a superb facility and a legacy which will grow and one day I hope will host The Open. Enjoy a couple of the photos that I took today!”

Thank you Gillian, we will enjoy the rest of those photos indeed. (I fear my odds of getting my copy of the Owen-Trump photograph signed are somewhat low; if any readers who are getting glossy prints made of this great picture autographed could ask for a spare signed copy one for me, I’d be most grateful. I might however just run down to Snappy Snaps to get some blow-ups made. I suppose Gillian got her copies made there; I wonder if there was an employee discount.)

Let’s hope it was a very very quick visit or our Councillor would have been tempted to have a coffee, tea, or meal – and as we know, the prices for a bite at the temporary clubhouse are slightly more expensive than a Big Mac Meal.

Obviously, any hospitality taken in July at the world’s greatest golf course would have shown up on the gifts register, particularly as Owen-Trump-A-Lunch seems likely to have voting power which could benefit her friend and ours, Donald. Again if anyone wanted to bring any issues to the attention of Cllr Owen for scrutiny, please see her email address above.

While I am at it, another useful website address just happens to be at hand; this is for Standards Commission Scotland http://www.standardscommissionscotland.org.uk/ . If you have for any reason any issues of potential conflict of interests, incomplete register of interest entries and so on, the Standards Commission might be a good website to visit.

Next week: A look at some recent Freedom of Information requests, and possibly some more on ethics, conflict of interest, gifts, hospitality and so on

PS: All the best to David Milne tomorrow as he attends Holyrood trying to get a much-needed public inquiry into the catalogue of disasters that ensued following planning permission going to Trump at Menie. At last count there were over 19,000 people wanting answers as to how the planners, councillors, police, environmental advisory group MEMAG, the countryside access officers and so on acted. Holyrood has to agree to this inquiry.

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Snake Oil

Community, Featured, Information No Responses »

May 092013

By Duncan Harley.

It’s not just Donald Trump who gets into trouble for using misleading advertising (see Tilting at Windmills – Aberdeen Voice 18^th April 2013). The Advertising Standards Authority investigates complaints on an ongoing basis.

In 2011, for example, they dealt with 31,458 complaints and investigated each of these to see if they seemed to breach the rules. As a result, over 4,590 adverts were changed or withdrawn.

Whether you are the boss of FCUK branded clothing or even Prince Charles the rules are there to be adhered to in the name of protecting the public from misleading advertising claims.

In essence the ASA’s role is to monitor and regulate the content of advertisements, sales promotions and direct marketing in the UK by investigating complaints and deciding whether such advertising complies with the UK advertising standards codes.

The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) website claims that:

“The Advertising Standards Authority is the UK’s independent regulator of advertising across all media. We apply the Advertising Codes, which are written by the Committees of Advertising Practice. Our work includes acting on complaints and proactively checking the media to take action against misleading, harmful or offensive advertisements.”

Set up in 1962 and funded by a levy on the advertising industry the ASA is the first port of call if you find an advert misleading or offensive. Anyone can refer a complaint and the online complaints form on the ASA website is very simple to complete.

The ASA has a range of sanctions at its disposal as Trump International Golf Club Scotland Ltd found out when they were ordered to “not to make claims unless they could be substantiated with robust evidence and not to use misleading imagery”, after 21 complaints were received regarding an advert featuring a US wind farm plus a reference to “the release of terrorist al-Megrahi “for humane reasons” – after he ruthlessly killed 270 people on Pan-Am 103 over Lockerbie”.

Publicity in the form of numerous press articles appeared regarding this adjudication and although some marketing theorists may claim that even bad publicity is good publicity, it might well be said that the Trump advert raised concerns in Scotland about the interference of a foreign national in Scottish renewable energy policy making.

The ASA can also refer problematic broadcast advertisers to Ofcom

Apart from the negative publicity generated by the weekly ASA adjudication lists, the Authority can order advertisers not to advertise unless the CAP Copy Advice team has seen the advertisement first and allowed the advertisement to go ahead.

For example, the ASA told French Connection UK Ltd, which makes the FCUK branded clothing, to have all its advertisements pre-vetted by the CAP Copy Advice team.

The ASA can also refer problematic broadcast advertisers to Ofcom and if the ASA has trouble with a repeat offender, it can refer the matter to the OFT under the Control of Misleading Advertisements Regulations 1988.

Following more than 1,300 complaints to the ASA about the shopping channel Auction World.tv, the ASA referred the matter to Ofcom and the shopping channel went into administration following a £450,000 fine.

Mind you, both Trump and Auction World.tv are in good company alongside a wide variety of advertisers who have been deemed by the ASA to have misled the public. This weeks ASA adjudication list includes upheld decision’s regarding an ad for ”Dead Sea Kit”, a product that purported to remove wrinkles and featured text which claimed to unlock the secrets of anti-aging.

Cash Lady was similarly chastised for advertising pay day loans at a representative APR 2670% in misleading and socially irresponsible manner. The ad included the voice-over claim: “You could see your bank and fill in loads of forms, but there is an easier way to get a loan; check out www.cashlady.co.uk, with cash lady it’s simple to apply for up to £300. It’s dead fast too”.

In 2009 the ASA banned an Israeli tourism advert following over 400 complaints by the Palestine Solidarity Campaign and members of the public after a map in the advert showed the West Bank, Gaza Strip and the Golan Heights as part of Israel.

The adverts read “There is probably no God”

In the same year Nestlé’s claim that it markets infant formula “ethically and responsibly” was found to be unsupported in the face of evidence provided by the campaigning group Baby Milk Action.

Perhaps one of the oddest complaints to come under scrutiny was the Atheist Bus Campaign in which Atheist groups aimed to place “peaceful and upbeat messages about atheism” on the side of London buses in response to “evangelical Christian advertising”.

The adverts read “There is probably no God” which prompted complaints from folk who no doubt thought that there probably is a god. Some of the complainants claimed that the advert was “offensive and derogatory to people of faith, who faced the prospect of having to decide if God existed in order to rule on the complaint.”

In a master stroke of diplomacy the ASA ruled that the advert:

“was an expression of the advertiser’s opinion and that the claims in it were not capable of objective substantiation.

“Although the ASA acknowledges that the content of the ad would be at odds with the beliefs of many, it concluded that it was unlikely to mislead or to cause serious or widespread offence.”

Diplomacy however was not in order when in march 2009, Prince Charles came under heavy fire when his Duchy Herbals Detox Tincture became subject to complaints and ridicule.

The claims to be able to detox the body and aid digestion when one or two drops are added to a glass of water were challenged and the product, which contains dandelion and artichoke, was variously described as “implausible, unproven and dangerous” by Professor Edzard Ernst of Exeter University and “outright quackery” by some others.

After investigation the complaint was upheld and the prince’s company Duchy Originals was told in no uncertain terms not to make misleading claims which it could not substantiate. The press were less kind and headlines such as “Make-believe and outright quackery – expert’s verdict on prince’s detox potion” appeared in the Guardian.

Next time you see an advert for an instant baldness cure or a land grab by some foreign state, you might like to take the time to consider filling in the online complaints form on the Advertising Standards website. After all, its you the public who are being misled.

Sources

Prince Charles accused of quackery: http://www.guardian/prince-charles-detox-tincture
Advertising Standards Authority: http://www.asa.org.uk/About-ASA.aspx
Snake oil: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snake_oil

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Old Susannah’s Journal No. 119 – Nudge, Nudge

Opinion, Satire and Humour 3 Responses »

May 022013

Voice’s Old Susannah takes a look over the past week’s events in the ‘Deen and beyond. By Suzanne Kelly.

Tally Ho! This past week there was an astonishingly great fashion show by Gray’s School of Art second and third year fashion students, held in The Seven Incorporated Trades of Aberdeen.
It was professionally organised, smoothly and elegantly run (with a great reception), and the work on show was by any standard advanced beyond the expected level. More on that elsewhere in Aberdeen Voice.

Let’s take a bit of a break from Mr Trump this week I think. Besides which, he’s about to issue writs to the Scottish Government and I’m really scared! If Donald doesn’t want windfarms, Donald will take us to court!

When a law abiding man like that takes legal action, you know he’s not doing it frivolously. I’m sure he’s got a point: hardly anyone’s signing up for golf at Balmedie, and it’s almost as if the 6,000 jobs that were created might be in peril.

This lack of golfers could be due to the sandstorms, hailstorms, rain and cold weather, but far more likely people are staying away in case they’d have to see a wind farm offshore. If I’m going to spend £195 for a round of golf, then have a £100 lunch for two consisting of a few burgers, fries and coffees, I don’t want to be looking at windfarms, either. For that kind of money, I want Led Zeppelin performing live.

I hear the Mayday march might be cancelled this year. Since all of the labour force is now doing so very well under the Coalition Government, the unions decided there is no need for any display. Things are almost as great as when the entire town marched against Kate Dean.

There is also to be a party and events in Union Terrace Gardens that afternoon, but since it is so full of criminals and drug smugglers, I’m sure we’ll all be too afraid to go there. If only we could have had the granite web.

The beautiful granite-clad concrete web may be toast now, but then again, we look set to get some very fetching, brand new glass-box office buildings soon. Really, how do these trendy architects come up with these great designs?

These happening, nearly modern buildings will replace St Nicholas’ House. The complex will blend right into the local architecture of Marischal College and won’t stick out like a dated pastiche predictable cheap sore thumb whatsoever. No doubt these glass box office buildings will look absolutely state-of-the art near the Milne Triple Kirks glass box office buildings and won’t seem old dated and dirty in 3 years or less.

Given the seagull and pigeon populations, this may be a good time to open a window cleaning business.

Norwich decided to encourage some peregrines to nest in their city centre

Speaking of Triple Kirks, poor Stewart certainly has had his difficulties lately. He may have failed to get Scottish football teams to vote with him despite his use of reasoned debate, but at least he showed the city centre wildlife he was boss.

You may remember how Stewart Milne, saviour of Scottish Football and tasteful developer arranged to have the long-settled peregrine falcons ‘discouraged’ from nesting in the Triple Kirks site when he took it over. Well done Stewart.

Unlike clever, business-orientated Aberdeen, Norwich decided to encourage some peregrines to nest in their city centre. The people of Norwich surprisingly find their rare peregrines and the newly-hatched chicks a source of interest, tourism, pride and education as they and the wider world watch the birds on cctv. More info here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-22368516 .

The RSBP believes there are fewer than 1400 breeding pairs in the UK. With as many as that around, it is no wonder the previous Aberdeen City Council administration didn’t discourage Milne from discouraging the birds. We need more office buildings you see.

As there is clearly not enough building work going on to placate important local contractors, some still cling to the possibility of turning Union Terrace Gardens into a parking lot/shopping mall, which we so desperately need. What other explanation is there for the continued existence of the limited company which is the Aberdeen City Gardens Trust?

They’re still listed as an active company at Companies House, with directors Tom Smith, Lavinia Massie and of course Colin Crosby. (I wonder how they managed to get so much positive Granite Web coverage in Chamber of Commerce publications? Perhaps as a board member, Colin could help field the answer to this mystery.) Then again, Colin is also on the Aberdeen Harbour Board, which now seeks to expand into the remaining coastal greenbelt.

An ambitious man, Colin; he’ll make us all rich yet. Well, some of us rich anyway.

Between the ACGT, ACSEF, the Harbour Board, the Chamber of Commerce, Brewin Dolphin, and the board of Robert Gordon’s College, it’s a wonder Crosby hasn’t dropped any balls.

we are all so weak-willed we’ll do whatever is made easy for us to do

For some reason I’m reminded of an episode of Dr Who in which invading aliens try to build monstrosities all over any green space they could all in the name of profit, although I can’t think why that should spring to mind just now.

Yes, it’s men like Colin who disprove the otherwise sound, logical government experiment in Nudge Theory. I’m sure we all know what this important Nudge Theory is, but I’ll get onto it with a definition or two anyway.

Nudge Theory: (modern English jargon phrase) Behavioural theory that people are inherently lazy and need to be pushed into doing what is best for them.

The Nanny State lives on, and thank goodness for that.

It’s like this: only the Colin Crosbys, Stewart Milnes and other rich businessmen aren’t lazy – the rest of us are. Worse, we are all so weak-willed we’ll do whatever is made easy for us to do. This highly-scientific theory is now a government triumph! Result! Not only is it part of the reason the country’s doing so well, but it’s also going to be launched as an initiative!

And you thought there was no good news around.

The BBC covers this marvellous development, and supplies examples of what might otherwise sound like idiotic psychobabble. For instance, if manufacturers put a label on a bottle of wine to the effect that the average person drinks one glass of wine a day, we’ll all follow suit and do just that.

School children will start eating healthier at lunchtimes too. Why? Because we’re going to put the tastier junk food items in locations that are more difficult to reach than healthier options. This logic is brilliant! You can see examples of how this works in the shops today. Since lad’s mags, fags and booze are kept out of reach no one buys them because they’re too lazy to do so.

It’s clear this Nudge Theory is going to take off; it’s so easy to understand.

This scheme is going to make the government millions as well as make all of us safer and less stressed by having to think for ourselves. I personally look forward to having my laziness used to steer me into good behaviour in this subtle manner. It’s not at all Kafkaesque or Orwellian for the government to spend our time and our money on getting us to fall into line and be good.

But the really good news is that this will be a ….

Partnership Model: (modern English jargon) A business entity or company formed by government and private enterprise.

Well, since forming in 2010 the brains behind this great Nudge Theory scheme have really come together to ambitiously turn this scientific theory into a money-spinner. Old Susannah has to wonder if people are inherently lazy, then what sets the people behind this Nudge Theory Partnership Model and their work to go into business with their scheme apart from the rest of us lazy, weak-willed populace.

I guess that they’re just smarter, better, brighter than we are. Only to the worst kind of lazy cynic would this great humanitarian scheme look like a brazen wheeze and ploy to earn money for old and unnecessary rope.

Here’s what the BBC, lazy as they are, were able to find out:-

“It could become the first of “dozens” of elements of Whitehall to be spun out, as Cabinet Office Minister Francis Maude plans to shake-up the Civil Service.

“A spokesman for Mr Maude said: ‘We are in a global race for the jobs and opportunities of the future. To get Britain back on the rise we must find innovative ways to deliver better services more efficiently’. [Old Susannah wonders if Mr Maude was too lazy to make his own statement to the press, and had to be ‘nudged’ into releasing a statement by this spokesman]

“’It’s great news that the world-renowned ‘nudge’ unit is spinning out from central government. As a mutual they will combine the benefits of private sector experience and investment with the innovation and commitment from staff leadership. This accelerates our drive to make public assets pay their way. We hope to support dozens more new spin outs over the next few years. This is a whole new growth area and Britain is leading the way.”

Well, I’m impressed. We’re going to make money out of exploiting people’s natural fecklessness.

The government will join with a private company (no doubt one completely unrelated to any government ministers, tax avoiders or big business interests or lobbyists. Then, they’ll sell the scheme back to the government, which will demand government offices buy into it.

Lazy? I guess you could say fecklessness is off and running as a way to make profits. Or something like that.

Group Four changed to G4S, and did a splendid job running the Olympics

I wonder what this great wheeze will wind up earning for the taxpayer over the years? Undoubtedly we’ll all be better off. Otherwise, they’ll just tell us we’ll be better off, and we’ll be too lazy and/or too stupefied by our one glass of wine a day to bother to find out the real story.

If I could only motivate myself to do some work, or even to open another BrewDog.

Ages ago the Government started privatising everything, and look how well that’s turned out. For instance, Group Four security started running various prison services. These went so well, Group Four changed to G4S, and did a splendid job running the Olympics without any problems at all. Could the government complain if things went wrong?

Not really – the contracts were sewn up very well, government and private sector overlaps tended to help each other out or at least look the other way if problems arose, and lobbyists were always on hand with sweeteners to keep the cogs well oiled. And so it will be with the private/public money-spinning Partnership Model, which will industriously make money out of the fact we the people are lazy.

Nudge Nudge wink wink indeed.

With the Mayday march about to take place, I think we should extend an invitation to the brave, pioneering, hard-working men and women behind Nudge Theory and the Partnership Model to come and join in. I have no doubt that if our teachers, carers, volunteers, firemen, etc. could meet the Nudge professionals, they’d understand just what real hard work is.

I was going to write about the latest in relation to the standoff between the press and the government over press regulation. I was going to write something about Trump, windfarms, and golf, but I realise that I’m just too lazy to do so.

So it’s off to watch some television until I fall asleep, and hope the government will give me some clear pointers on what to do and what not to do, but without me having to even know I’m being steered to do the right thing, as decided by the Nudge Theory think-tank. As long as I don’t have to think too much, or do much, that’ll suit me fine.

Time for my one glass of wine.

Next week – more fecklessness, or possibly some recklessness.

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