Labour Archives - Page 2 of 7

Allard Highlights Labour Hypocrisy On Housing

Oct 242014

With thanks to Stuart Donaldson, Constituency Officer to Christian Allard MSP

SNP MSP Christian Allard has criticised Labour’s record on housing as well as branding a Labour MSP’s comments as an attempt at political point scoring.

Mr Allard has written to Richard Baker regarding his comments which appeared in the Buchan Observer on Tuesday 21 October.

Commenting, Mr Allard said:

“It is extremely disingenuous for Richard Baker to criticise the Scottish Government on its record for delivering affordable housing considering Labour’s extremely poor performance while in administration.

“Between 2003 and 2007 Labour built a total of 6 houses. In contrast the Scottish Government is on target to deliver 30,000 new affordable homes by 2016. As of March this year the total delivered since 2011 was 19,900.

“The recent changes to the Help to Buy scheme also mean that the housing market has been made much more accessible to first time buyers. It is particularly useful here in the North East where there are many areas with higher than average house prices.

“I’m sure people in the North East will see Richard Baker’s comments for what they are, an attempt at political point scoring.

“This is becoming the norm for Labour politicians, even on the big issues facing our country. Perhaps this goes someway to explaining why the Labour vote is in freefall across Scotland and why they do not hold a single Scottish Parliamentary constituency seat in the North East.”

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[Aberdeen Voice accepts and welcomes contributions from all sides/angles pertaining to any issue. Views and opinions expressed in any article are entirely those of the writer/contributor, and inclusion in our publication does not constitute support or endorsement of these by Aberdeen Voice as an organisation or any of its team members.]

Old Susannah No. 154 – Foreign Invaders

Opinion, Satire and Humour 6 Responses »

Jun 202014

Voice’s Old Susannah takes a look over the past week’s events in the ‘Deen and beyond. By Suzanne Kelly.

It may seem like a lovely summer here in Aberdeen, but depending on who you believe, we need to be on the lookout for dangerous foreign invaders of all kinds. Our lives, jobs and even our gardens are not safe from alien interlopers of one sort or another. More on that later.

However, along with locals and even some foreigners, I’ll brave the ever-present dangers to go to both the Gray’s School of Arts Degree show (Friday) and BrewDog’s Annual General Meeting (Saturday).

Apparently something is taking place in Brazil; it involves a bunch of foreigners getting together to play football.

This kind of foreign invasion is a good thing; it brings lots of investment apparently, unless you’ve the misfortune to be one of Brazil’s poor who are being turfed out of the makeshift homes that stand in the way of the beautiful game.

Still, FIFA knows what’s best. That nice Mr Blatter does seem to have one or two critics of late; I can’t imagine why.

Let’s look at these foreign threats by way of a definition or two.

Foreign intervention: (Mod English Phrase) – An involvement in a sovereign state’s affairs by another state, body or army.

Back in the day, you may remember how the US and the UK kindly went to help make things better in Iraq. Tony Blair said our little intervention was the right thing to do; he should have known – he wrote most of the dossier supporting the case for us getting in there.

I can’t imagine why, but things don’t seem to have worked out quite like Tony said they would. He wants us to go back in, or rather to bomb a few people. We’ve never gone wrong listening to him in the past perhaps we should do as he says now.

There was a tiny parade of a million or so people in London back in the day, asking him not to go to war, but he bravely stood his ground, and took us to where we are today. Remember, it’s only a foreign invasion if it’s happening in the UK, not if it’s the UK going somewhere else and lending a friendly helping hand.

It’s important to remember there are good foreigners and bad ones.

The good ones want to come over and buy up our land, utilities, newspapers and other media, and of course businesses. The bad ones want to come over and work for us, live in decent rooms without getting ripped off, be treated fairly and other unreasonable demands. It’s very important to remember too that all of the rich ones are not involved in crime, and all of the non-wealthy immigrants are criminals.

We’re open for business – if you’ve got the right connections. Thankfully, we have all sorts of level-headed politicians looking out for our interests.

And UK residents who live abroad? Well, we’re not invading foreigners – we’re expats. That’s different.

But possibly the worst kinds of foreigners are the ones that are set to take over.

Romanians: (Proper noun) People born in, living in, or descended from citizens of Romania.

Nigel Farage, UKIP leader, has seized on yet another group of foreigners that we must be wary of, the wily, dangerous Romanians. Here’s a little clip of Nigel explaining all to Jeremy Paxman https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynq_KqlmHIY .

Nigel explains that Romanian organised criminals are the most prolific and dangerous in Europe. Paxman then quotes some statistics saying they’re no such thing. Paxman asks more questions; Farage gives brilliant answers that are not at all xenophobic, reactionary or racist. Farage worries that Romanian hordes will come to the UK and we’ll be inundated with their organised crime gangs.

It hasn’t happened yet, but I’m sure it will any day.

Paxman also asks some questions about UKIP members’ homophobic statements; Farage explains this is all down to the fact the members in question are old, and from a time when homosexuality was illegal – so it’s fair enough if they’re anti-gay. I’m sure you’re as happy as I am with UKIP’s recent political gains. I wonder what’s next for this forward-looking, inclusive, tolerant party? In the meantime forget about the politicians taking more than their share of expenses, billionaires avoiding taxes that should support our infrastructure – it’s Romanians we should be thinking about.

Invasive species: (Modern English compound noun) Flora and Fauna not native to the UK but which can be found here.

They’re over here, and they will soon outnumber their British counterparts. We’ve heard about the muntjack deer – dubbed the ‘Asbo’ deer by one of our SNH experts, publicity-shy Jamie.

But now an imminent scientist – who isn’t at all a headline-grabbing empire builder – has identified ‘the biggest threat to our ecology’.

Is it urban sprawl and the loss of green space in favour of tarmac? Is it that Scotland’s roads exceed acceptable levels of pollution for many years? Is it climate change? The decline of bee populations which may hurt pollination and crops? Rising sea levels? Godzilla? Mothra? Obviously not – our biggest threat is the Rhododendron.

‘Destroy All Rhododendrons in Scotland’ is the battle-cry of scientist (so he must be taken seriously and will have no ulterior motives and won’t let any personal feelings interfere with his objective, rational position) James Fenton. What are Rhododendrons to him?

“It is probably the biggest ecological issue for Scotland. If we did nothing and came back in a thousand years, the landscape would be just one dark rhododendron forest.”

Well, he’s a scientist and he says so, so that’s that. He also says this invading foreign threat creates so many seeds that its spread is exponential. Old Susannah might then wonder why we’re not already in his supposed Rhododendron forest.

I guess we’re meant to think that there have never been any plants that naturalised in the UK and that were beneficial. I guess we’re supposed to forget about all the foreign confiers planted up and down the countryside (taking away many meadowlands in the process).

I guess the fact that many of the rhododendrons that are supposed to be destroyed support wildlife that has otherwise been displaced; bees seem rather partial to the flowers for one thing. I’m sure the bee population won’t mind if we take out this source of food immediately. No, Mr Fenton sounds completely calm, rational and logical to me.

Thankfully, he also seems to be something of an economics expert. For funnily enough, there’s money to be had by eradicating the Rhododendron Menace. According to the Herald article:

“The plant has been eradicated from some areas, including Knoydart in the West Highlands, where £250,000 in grants paid for a ten-year programme using local workers. Fenton said an eradication programme would boost the economy of rural areas.”

Funnily enough, the SNH will soon release its Rhododendron strategy.

Funnily enough, every time the SNH comes up with a new animal or plant to demonise, they also want to demand the right to tell private landowners what to do, and there is coincidentally a wee bit of money involved. Their guidelines on the deer population, including the invading threat that is the muntjack deer included a policy of ‘advising’ landowners how many deer should be slaughtered.

The landowners recently have disagreed with the SNH deer population figures, and don’t want to shoot as many deer as the SNH would like. Well, who are you going to believe – the people who are on the land and see the deer, or the guys with science degrees sitting in their offices writing papers, and getting their names into the papers who propose increasing the SNH’s powers?

These same scientists came up with the earth-shattering guideline that if a doe is shot, any fawns should be shot as well or they may starve. This came as a huge revelation to the people on the front lines of deer management; they’d never have guessed it.

Perhaps I’m wrong to see a pattern here, but it seems

1. boffins get together and write a policy.

2. the policy identifies a species of plant or animal that the SNH wants to get rid of or greatly curtail.

3. articles appear in the media, happily going along with what the SNH wants.

4. guidelines tell public and private sectors that they ‘should’ manage the plant/animal in question.

5. grants spring up like mushrooms to help destroy the offending natural life form.

6. guidelines turn into laws wit the SNH demanding control over private lands irrespective of the landowner’s own observations and wishes.

As the asthma and respiratory disease rates increase (and a link between dementia and particulate pollution has just been made), as green spaces disappear (or become nothing more than petri dishes for whatever style of land management is in vogue at the time), as the seas are increasingly polluted, as the bird, fish and bee populations diminish, it’s good to know that the real culprit in our environment’s destruction has been identified: death to all Rhododendrons.

Of course Fenton’s offered no explanation of what will become of the species now depending on the plant, or what will go in place of the destroyed invaders (perhaps we’ll just have holes in the ground). But he can’t be expected to think of everything, can he.

Old Susannah’s out now to look for Romanian crime gangs, Rhododendrons and other invading species. By the time I make it to my front door, I half expect that the ‘exponentially increasing’ Rhododendrons will have covered my street, but I’ll try and hack my way through the foliage, mindful that Romanian thieves may well be hiding in the boughs.

Thank goodness we have Fenton and Farage to look out for our welfare and propose sensible reforms.

Next week: a report on the Rhododendron crisis, and an analysis on how many new plants have sprung up.

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Et Tu Willie

Creative Writing, Satire and Humour No Responses »

May 162014

By Bob Smith.

Puir Barney he’s bin crockett
Fair stabbit in the back
Jist like yon Julius Caesar
Bi fowk fae his ain pack

“Et tu Willie” did Barney gasp?
Yer a worthless cheatin w-nk-r
Nae ony better than
A City o London banker

Seems they plottit his doonfa
Fin the chiel wis in The States
Jist shows fit fowk can dee
E’en tho ye thocht ‘em mates

A new leader o the Cooncil
Her name ‘tis Jenny Laing
Foo lang wull es quine laist
Afore back stabbin stairts again

Bit fa supplied the dagger
Aat in Barney’s back wis stuck?
It cwid hae bin ony Labourite
Fa wi Barney hid nae truck

If ony lessons can be learn’t
So future leaders can safe be
Is nae ti ging on a swanny
In yon “Land O The Free”

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
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May Day March and Rally 2014

Aberdeen City, Featured, Information No Responses »

May 012014

The Annual Aberdeen Trades Union Council (ATUC) May Day March and Rally 2014 will take place on Saturday with its theme for this year to celebrate “solidarity across borders”.

In celebrating International Workers Day, the march and rally will welcome Trade Unionists, friends, families, community activists, community organisations and local politicians to join with ATUC in a family friendly march down the whole length of Union Street to demonstrate opposition to austerity and to show solidarity across borders.

The 2014 May Day March and Rally, on Saturday 3 May 2014, will gather at Rubislaw Terrace Gardens, Aberdeen at 11am.

Organised by Aberdeen Trades Union Council (ATUC), it will march off at 11.30am down the full length of Union Street, to a Rally in the Castlegate at 12.15 where there will be a variety of speakers, including Ian Tasker from STUC and Janice Godrich PCS Union National President, as well as local politicians and community figures.

The march will be led, once again, by the Guarama Drummers who will bring plenty of rhythm, noise and cheer to the proceedings

Alan Robertson, President of the ATUC urged union members, their families and friends, and community activists to attend the march and rally in numbers.

He said:

“Once again marchers will be able to march the whole length of Union Street so it is really important that as many trades union and community activists as possible turn out.

“Please bring your banners, flags, pendants and signs to make the march and rally as colourful as possible.”

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Nae Trust In Politishuns

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Apr 252014

By Bob Smith.

Trust in oor politishuns
Is noo a bittie low
Self servin leein buggers
Is fit some polls div show

Even in auld Scotia
Ess thocht is jist as bad
Some fowk o aa ages
Think Salmond a “Jack-the-lad”

Noo Eck’s a superb orator
As politishun nae sae gweed
Coortin yon Rupert Murdoch
So’s SNP’s thochts he wull us feed

It’s nae fer the first time
“Wee Eck” his bin accused
O haen some secret meetins
An his poseeshun he’s abused

Some say he uses bluster
In Parlimint at Holyrood
Instead o answerin a question
Aboot the asker he’s fair rude

A freen o myn the ither day
His opeenion he did gie
Aboot politishuns in oor kwintra
He wisna complimentary

“Wee Eck” he thocht average
Nicola Sturgeon wis nae eese
Johann Lamont she wis useless
Aboot Ruth Davidson jist said Jeez

A’m nae a political animal
Een’s as bad’s the ither
Bi they fer independence
Or fer “Better Tigither”

Fin it cams ti September
Wull it bi hairt or heid?
Wull it cum doon ti believin
Fitivver shite they us feed?

So fit wye wull I vote
Wull it bi aye or no?
A dinna believe ony bugger
A’ll jist bide wi the status quo

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie”2014
Image: The Houses of Parliament, seen across Westminster Bridge.
Released into the public domain by Adrian Pingstone.

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Road To Ruin? – The View From The Taxi

Aberdeen City, Opinion 6 Responses »

Nov 212013

From the comfort of the driving seat, taxi driver Fin Hall offers a street level view at issues affecting transport and infrastructure in Aberdeen.

The present incumbents of the council chambers show no sign of letting up in their pursuit of power and control, while making the city look ridiculous.

They started off as soon as they won the election by overturning the result of the UTG referendum, and yes, I know the weighted arguments behind it, and I would have voted “no” if I had been eligible to vote.

Then they continued by overturning almost every decision that the previous city leaders had implemented.

One of these was the building of the replacement stadium for Aberdeen Football Club at Loirston.

Now whether this would have been the ideal place for the ground is an argument for another day, although I suspect the majority of fans think it is the wrong place; but permission had already been given.

Meanwhile, on all the available land beside where the new stadium would have been, there are hundreds of new houses being built and loads of new offices and industrial premises. Considering that the reason given for the final blocking of the stadium plans was access, it borders on the insane that all that other building is going ahead.

It could, and most probably will, cause more congestion and traffic flow problems at least 5 days a week, whereas the football traffic would have been once very two weeks at the most.

The next act of lunacy that our city fathers have pushed through is that, by June 2017, all taxis in Aberdeen will have to be wheelchair accessible.

They are doing this under the banner of the Equality Act. What it will in fact do is make things more difficult for the average taxi passenger. As a taxi driver of more than 36 years’ experience, I can tell you that taxi companies get more requests for saloon cars than they do for wheelchair vehicles.

If you look on taxi ranks at most times, the majority of the cars are of the wheelchair-accessible type anyway.

The problem lies not with the amount of the appropriate type of cars, but with some of the drivers who operate such a motor vehicle.

Make no mistake, they know the rules when they come into this job.

If they are so lazy and selfish that they find any excuse not to get out of their car to assist their wheelchair-bound passenger, then their license to operate should be taken off them.

By having all cars wheelchair-friendly however, more people will be disenfranchised than will be helped. There are more people whose disability does not involve being wheelchair-bound than there are the opposite.

People with short legs, broken legs, back problems and other hindrances are totally unable to get into higher vehicles such as those that will available in a few years’ time. Some customers have already intimated to me that they will most likely be unable to go out when this comes to pass.

The only way then to get a taxi of the lower, saloon type when you come off a train or a plane, or even when you are coming home from shopping, will be to phone up and book a private hire taxi. And at peak times, usually from about 15:00 – 19:00 on weekdays, most offices are already fully booked with account customers, and don’t take in further bookings.

As to getting picked up from the station, well we all know what a farce that already is. The general pickup point from there is in from the Station Hotel, so getting to there for somebody of less mobility, complete with their suitcase is not going to be at all easy, in fact it will sometimes be impossible.

Another downside will be several drivers of an older age, who may just work off the ranks on a part-time basis, having to give up their work. The cost of these vehicles is prohibitive, they can cost as much as £28,000. This is hardly justifiable for those that may just work at the weekends.

That will leave a shortfall of taxis working the ranks at certain times.

So Aberdeen, a city which has a nationwide reputation for having the best and most comfortable taxis, will be overrun with ‘ ice cream van ‘ taxis. Gone will be your comfy ride to the airport or further, in a Mercedes or a CRV or a BMW etcetera, and instead you will rattle about on your own in the rear of an ugly uncomfortable people mover.

Sadly though, the licensing board rarely if ever listens to those with knowledge and experience of the job, and just charges ahead with ludicrous plans to satisfy its members’ already over-inflated egos.

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ACF Tackles Council Over Poor Provision For Cyclists

Aberdeen City, Environment No Responses »

Aug 152013

Members of the Aberdeen Cycle Forum have handed a 700-plus signature petition about the Westhill Cycle Path to City Council leader Barney Crockett.
The Forum’s Derek Williams explained the background to Voice.

The petition calls on the Council to improve sections of the Westhill cycle path which serves the new Prime 4 development at Kingswells.

The main concern of Forum members and regular users of the path is a narrow section that runs dangerously close to the A944 Westhill to Aberdeen dual carriageway.

The Forum is also requesting improvements to the barriered Cyclists dismount section near to the Five Mile Garage.

The petition was raised following many frustrating months of failing to convince city planners that the cycle path needs improvement in order to encourage cycle use, and also to go some way towards guaranteeing user safety along this busy commuter corridor.

Derek explained,

“The response we’ve had to the petition has been amazing and shows that people recognise the need for improvements. We know cyclists think the narrow stretch is unsafe and this will undoubtedly put some people off cycling to Prime 4. The result will be more car commuting and congestion. With people moving onto Prime 4 soon, it is vital that the Council gets on and fixes this section of the path.

“We hope that the Council Leader and councillors will see the strength of feeling, and will be motivated by the scale of the response to find a way to make progress.”

The Forum is committed, says Derek, to continuing to work with City councillors and officers to see through improvements to the path, thus improving the wellbeing of local cyclists. It extends its thanks to those who signed the petition and to everyone who made the effort in helping to collect signatures.

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Old Susannah’s Journal No. 129 – For Argument’s Sake

Aberdeen City, Satire and Humour 14 Responses »

Aug 092013

Voice’s Old Susannah takes a look over the past week’s events in the ‘Deen and beyond. By Suzanne Kelly.

Tally Ho! I hope everyone is enjoying a vibrant, dynamic, smart successful summer with lashings of connectivity. Tartan Day in Aberdeen was good fun, and once again the gardens were used to good effect, even if they are a dangerous, dreary, dark hole filled with criminals.

There was a re-enactment of a highwayman’s trial in the Tollbooth; suffice it to say the accused didn’t get a lesser sentence for pleading guilty, his difficult childhood or drunkenness weren’t hauled up as reasons for leniency, and the sentence wasn’t a few hours of community service.

Old Susannah’s also been to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, which rightfully attracts talent and tourists from around the world.

For the next few weeks Edinburgh’s intriguing private spaces, as well as public areas, will be given over to performances, workshops, a book festival, art/craft, food and drink.

I enjoyed a lovely meal in the Signet Library, which is transformed annually into the Pommery Champagne bar. The public gets to see inside amazing venues like this, enjoy them for social occasions, and at the same time gets to appreciate the spaces Edinburgh has to offer. Would that we could do that here, with our empty shops and interesting spaces.

The atmosphere is friendly; there is something for everyone, and people come from around the world. My hotel, the Caledonian Waldorf couldn’t have been more elegant or more service-orientated; a minor omission of an ingredient in a meal was more than made up for by complimentary dessert wine.

While I don’t often get to live it up, when I do so in Edinburgh, the Pommery and the Waldorf – and the local BrewDog bar for a bottle of new Electric India – are the places to be. Sometimes you just need a little luxury.

It will be hard to write any form of satire this week that would be able to hold its own against the Salmond – vs – Aberdeen Council / Labour prose currently flying around town. In brief, Salmond decided to spontaneously issue invitations to the press to witness his spontaneous visit to local Bramble Brae elementary school, coincidentally where a by-election was taking place.

I’m sure anyone who wants to wander into a school will be just as welcome

He, his team and the press thoughtfully bypassed the head teacher and Aberdeen’s Chief Executive, Valerie Watts, thus saving them paperwork and worry; they just went into the school, into the class and had a lovely visit, posing for photos.

For some reason, Valerie Watt took exception to this school visit, thinking that someone should have asked her first (she probably just wanted to get her photo taken with Alex). She wrote to Salmond, and from there things got a wee bit messy, with accusations of ‘kamikaze’ councils and general name calling coming into it from Alex’s side. Sexism got a look in as well with men only and women only golf clubs adding fuel to the fire.

Barney Crockett and Salmond have locked horns. Watts should have realised that the First Minister can do whatever he feels like doing without checking with anyone; this is perfectly acceptable, and I’m sure anyone who wants to wander into a school will be just as welcome. Clearly if other by-election candidates had been creative, they could have done the same.

Rhonda Reekie of the Greens should have marched into a school for a press call; Willie Young could have found a class full of students, rounded up their parents and the press for some handshaking, and none of the pro-SNP faction would have found anything amiss I’m certain. (What the class teacher thought of this visit and if/how they dealt with it would be nice to know).

Bramblegate reminds me of a lovely pro-granite web visit some school children had back in the day just before that referendum, which also went down well with parents.

Anyway, Alex can go into schools for press calls. In contrast, it is very wrong for Councillor Martin Ford to speak to the BBC as a councillor while on Aberdeenshire Council premises. Word is that the Shire’s Chief Executive is still fuming post Panorama, and straining at the leash to give Ford a dressing down.

No answer is forthcoming yet to my email to Chief Mackenzie about where such a rule is written down, how many other councillors ask for permission for such meetings, and whether Mackenzie would then have an undemocratic power to stop such interviews/press calls as didn’t suit his purposes. Thankfully, Mackinitupashegoesalong makes certain that all councillors follow the code of conduct.

surely no councillor could possibly owe us an explanation

He pointed this out in his letter to the Petitions Committee, saying how unnecessary any public inquiry into the Trump debacle would be.

Quite right too. No doubt should any of the Shire’s councillors be found wanting in terms of obeying the code, they will be dealt with accordingly. But surely no councillor could possibly owe us an explanation for his or her conduct – other than Ford of course.

All these arguments are splashing around the Press and Journal, which has given them another occasion to get comment from UK politics’ most heavy hitters.

Only a month ago they managed to find a window of opportunity in Kate Dean’s diary to do a three page spread, so we could benefit from her words of wisdom over the failure to get the web built (which ‘we will all regret’; ‘we’ll all remember where we were when the web got kicked into touch’, etc. etc.). Now her little dog Toto, aka Kevin Stewart, has given a few words on the Alex Salmond-Barney Crocket-Valerie Watts tag team event.

Where does the P&J get these incisive commentators from? Additionally, another City Council ex, John Stewart, now in Manchester running a parade or something, says “I’m so glad to be out of it now”, demonstrating his gladness by offering to comment from the sidelines in order to snipe at Crockett. Many of us thought he was ‘out of it’ in one sense or another from time to time when he was still here.

All this fighting talk makes me think some related definitions are required, so without any further hesitation, here are some terms for this week’s definitions.

Circular Argument: (compound English Noun) An argument that is flawed by containing, as fact, the same thing it is attempting to prove, e.g. “The story I read in the Press & Journal is true because I read it in the Press & Journal.”

There are no circular arguments to be found in our part of the world, thank goodness. But sometimes I wonder – if MEMAG didn’t exist, would it be necessary to invent it?

MEMAG wasn’t needed at all really; it wasn’t like Trump was going to go against the approved plan or do anything possibly detrimental to our environment.

MEMAG has authority to prevent damaging activities

But thankfully, MEMAG was put under the Trump organisation’s financial control. Arguably, MEMAG was invented to keep the Trump organisation in check.

By holding the purse strings, by not showing up for meetings, and by in effect pulling the plug on MEMAG, the Trump Organisation was in control of several levels of the organisation set up to keep it under control.

The shire council’s Formartine Committee once had a report which read:-

“If permission is granted a section 75 agreement is imposed to ensure that the impact on the nature conservation interest is minimised and that no hard engineering works are involved in stabilising the sand dome and dune system and that MEMAG has authority to prevent damaging activities, that a rigorous landscape evaluation is undertaken and that no commitment is given to either the height of the hotel and holiday apartments or the eventual number of houses for sale, that a minimum of 40% of the energy requirement for the hotel, holiday apartments and homes is generated on site using renewable energy technologies and that the employment benefits are derived locally with preference being given to those living within the North East and those attending the proposed university course.”

In the end, the now evaporated MEMAG group was about as effective in its remit as Father Ted was when holding up placards reading ‘down with this sort of thing’ and ‘careful now’

Old Susannah will find it hard to come up with any circular arguments; but in the mean time I leave you with this thought: in order to prevent the Trump organization committing damaging activities, the Trump organization was in charge of an organisation called MEMAG which was in charge of preventing the Trump organisation committing damaging activities.

What could be simpler?

Self-Contradiction:

Aberdeenshire Council might be a little confused. They’ve twice written to me to say :-

“Aberdeenshire Council have not authorised any restrictions on Menie Estate in relation to statutory access rights afforded under the Land Reform (Scotland) Act 2003.” (email to me of 7 August 2013).

Result! Everything’s fine! I’ll have to make sure to tell the Menie residents and visitors this.

However, the Shire’s outdoor access person also wrote to me on 26 March 2013:-

“As noted above we are aware of a number of concerns relating to outdoor access at Menie and are currently working to resolve the issues. It is my preference to utilise my time achieving the formal concerns already raised; I suspect these concerns are shared by the residents you note in your email.

“As I hope you will appreciate the provision of access rights is not always clear and straight forward as much as we will continue to seek acceptable access rights for the residents of Menie and general visitors we also have to consider and balance the rights of the landowner to undertake their business and manage their land.

“On a positive note I would say that the land managers at Menie have indicated they are keen to resolve concerns over public access and as such we are working towards a solution that provides a satisfactory level of access whilst taking into account the concerns of the land manager and their land management activities.”

On the one hand, the council didn’t authorise any restrictions relating to access rights at the Trump estate. On the other hand, they are keen to resolve concerns over public access and want to provide a satisfactory level of access while taking in Trump’s concerns.

So – no restrictions are allowed, but the restrictions that do exist are being looked into, in other words. I trust that this shining example of clarity demonstrates that the council are completely clear, everything’s fine, and there is no need for a public inquiry.

Pre-emptive Strike: (compound English noun) to start an altercation or conflict in order to prevent being attacked.

The best defence is a good offence, and one of the high visibility adherents to this strategy is Alex Salmond. You might say he is very offensive at times. But he is rather good at well-timed pre-emptive strikes.

Trouble over wining and dining wealthy American planning applicants? Outcry at a pre-planned ‘impromptu’ visit to a school where your party is fighting a by election? Scandal over legal advice taken over EU membership post independence? Draw attention away from tiresome trivial problems by launching an attack of your own.

After Watts wrote to Salmond, he hurled in a grenade or two, calling our council ‘a kamikaze council’ for refusing to build his pal Ian Wood’s dream web. If Salmond says we’re looking disreputable, we should definitely take his expert word on the subject, which he knows quite a bit about. So the name-calling began, with Salmond using one of his favourite words ‘ludicrous’ in response to the Watts’ letter.

Old Susannah seems to remember that a Kamikaze pilot was basically a suicide bomber wishing to take out as many of the enemy as possible. I don’t seem to be following Salmond’s use of the word in the context of Aberdeen City not having a web.

The ensuing name-calling and Crockett’s defence of his one-year old council are dominating the printed press. Little issues like Alex’s own failings are being edged out of the limelight by this little contretemps. So, what, if anything, might Alex like to deflect our attention from?

Well, there was that lovely visit to Bramble Brae. Meeting Alex might have swayed people to cast their vote for him, and naturally, no other candidate was given equal time.

I guess the chance to meet Alex drove such concerns away

It might be worth asking which reporters were invited, and if they were more than just people following any story leads blindly and printing any press releases they get without question – whether any recipients to the SNP invitation contacted the opposition candidates to share this event’s details with them.

If, say, the BNP decided to drop in on the local primary children and their parents, and invited members of the press to join them on such a happy occasion, you might be forgiven for thinking that the reporter receiving such an invite might see the story differently, get in touch with the school/Watts and ask what was going on. But I guess the chance to meet Alex drove such concerns away.

Getting back to issues which Alex might be a bit coy about, which his attack might overshadow, we do have the smashing idea of setting up a national body to oversee every child. Not just children from broken homes, children with special needs, or children in need of supervision who have had brushes with the law – every child.

Some people are actually critical of this great scheme, and have foolish questions about cost, legality, human rights, potential for abuse and so on. Better send the ‘Kamikaze’ attack out first.

We still don’t know how Europe would deal with the nascent Scotland; and if Alex has legal advice, we’re not going to get to see it anytime soon. Currency, passport, border control, military issues are not thrashed out yet, and whatever side of the referendum debate you’re on, you should be happy to just trust the government about all these minor details – what could go wrong?

Arguably, these are enough definitions for now. Tally Ho!

PS – it’s not too late to get involved in the Butterfly and Moth count – which is pretty important considering all the green space we’re concreting over or clearing. Details here – http://www.bigbutterflycount.org/

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Old Susannah’s Journal No 124 – The Shame Of It

Articles 17 Responses »

Jun 212013

Voice’s Old Susannah takes a look over the past week’s events in the ‘Deen and beyond. By Suzanne Kelly.

Tally Ho! Summer time and the living is vibrant and dynamic. Race for Life takes place in a fortnight; Duthie Park will reopen in style on the 30th; Willows is holding an open day on the 22nd, the Portsoy Boat Festival runs all this coming weekend, and much more is going on.

As soon as time permits, I’ll write about the RGU degree show held last Friday. Visitors and staff alike were impressed at the quality of the work.

With the BrewDog Annual General Meeting days away, I can barely concentrate for excitement.

They are also releasing more shares, and no doubt my purchase of another two shares will throw my moralistic critics into a tailspin.

Not only that, but I have accepted my first ever ever gift from someone I’m writing about.

The piece should be in today’s Aberdeen Voice, and I am sure it will do as much to restore your faith in our police as it has done for me.

Anyway I initially refused the gift, but not wanting to upset my contact, I acquiesced and accepted it. Readers will have to decide on their own how corrupt this makes me and how biased and obligated to my source I am. I have accepted, as a gift for writing about something, a tiny piece of macaroon, and an (unopened) packet of popping candy.

I intend to share this at the Aberdeen Voice anniversary party; more on that eventually from our editor, Fred.

Suffice it to say Aberdeen Voice is now virtually 3 years old. I shall wait by my mailbox for congratulatory letters and telegrams from old and new friends, from Neil Fletcher and Kate Dean to Stewart Milne and Donald Trump. I keep trying to convince editor Fred Wilkinson to either marry one of the Trump children or open an erotic publishing arm to boost our standing and income, but he seems a little less than keen.

So Alas! We won’t be in the same league as Aberdeen Journals anytime soon. Still, I live in hope.

My BrewDog and journalistic freebies euphoria as been tempered by the surprise announcement that Aberdeen did not get further with its City of Culture bid.

You’ll never guess the suspected reason, so astutely pointed out in unbiased fashion by the 20 June Press & Journal. They are 100% certain we’d have won this prestigious award if only we’d built a granite web over Union Terrace Gardens. I’m sure the culture judges simply didn’t do their homework. I just hope they didn’t get distracted by our little hiccoughs regarding culture.

we shot our 70 year old herd of harmless roe deer, bulldozed their meadow

Did they care that we allowed the Foyer to close? It provided structure and support to young people with problems while allowing established and fledgling artists to show their work with openings attended by many sections of Aberdeen society.

Did the culture judges care that in a town of billionaires and multi-millionaires no one would rescue – for a mere £5k – Limousine Bull? Bull provided affordable studio spaces in Torry for new artists, held art classes, ran exhibitions, and improved the cultural life in Torry.

Did the judges care that while ‘transforming’ Aberdeen we shot our 70 year old herd of harmless roe deer, bulldozed their meadow which was home to many species and turned it back into a barren rubbish tip, studded with saplings destined to die? Did they care about how we closed services to young, old and people with special needs and abilities?

Of course not – like the rest of the world, they wanted us to borrow £90 million, rip out the only city centre green space without tombstones on it, and build a bunch of ramps that went up and down. And that’s why we lost. I hope you feel as ashamed as I do.

This devastating loss of a prestigious award, which saw giant spiders in the streets of Liverpool costing only a million pounds or so is crushing. Still, we live on.

Thankfully we are being castigated over the loss by arbiters of good taste, John Prescott and the Press and Journal.

Some folks suspect the P&J had a vested interest in supporting their advertisers’ granite web dream project. Others still think the P&J and its sister the Evening Express contrived in subtle ways to gently, subliminally convince the public the web was the answer to our prayers, but I can’t find any examples of any such behaviour.

Where did our culture bid go wrong? We had a guy painting himself different colours and sitting in the window of an independent record store that couldn’t afford to keep going. We took web saleswoman Rita Stephen and put her in charge, ostensibly because she knows how to sell things like, er, the idea of a web.

John Prescott wants Barney Crockett to be ashamed

We have missed our one and only chance to be a city with webs that people want to live close to. As the P&J suggests, we should ‘Hang Our Heads In Shame’.

And on that note some definitions.

Shameless: (Eng. adjective) to fail to, or refuse to acknowledge or display remorse, guilt or regret when conditions merit it.

When our betters tell us to be filled with shame, we would do well to obey. When our conscience tells us we have done wrong, we should admit it and show remorse.

The Press & Journal want us to be ashamed for not building the web. John Prescott wants Barney Crockett to be ashamed – Crockett suggested Aberdeen was edged out of the all-important Culture contest in part for being a rich city compared to the other contenders.

Who should know more about shame than Prezza and the Prezza and Journal?

Prescott, when not confessing his infidelities with his secretary, doing television programmes about ‘class’ and beating egg-throwing protestors, seems to have a new string to his bow – criticising his own party members. As to the affair, his wife Pauline decided to stand by him after he admitted two years of cheating with one of his secretaries (which was OK, because it wasn’t love, so that’s all right).

Pauline Prescott stayed with her husband for the sake of the book, which earned a few pennies here and there.

It recounts John’s romantic marriage proposal (to the wife, not the secretary), which was delivered in a train toilet (hopefully one of those larger train toilets rather than the small ones). So if anyone is qualified to tell Crockett and the web-resisters they should be ashamed, then it is Prezza.

Quite what the City of Culture judges saw in Dundee is a mystery

Also without sin and eager to cast stones is our own Press & Journal. By now Old Susannah readers know about the cosy relationship between its editor Damian Bates and Sarah Malone Bates, face of Trump golf in Scotland.

Bates’ faultless love life conduct and professional bearing dictate the editorial policy that allows him to use the P&J to tell us to be ashamed. And that, as they say is a Result.

Quite what the City of Culture judges saw in Dundee is a mystery – they have an arts centre with programmes for all ages to create, discuss and view art, socialise and engage with each other. They have embraced their old buildings and, in Brownfield sites created new spaces for the arts.

They have turned their waterfront not into an extended industrial harbour as is proposed for Torry’s remaining unspoilt coast, but instead created a pleasant, social meandering walk from restaurants and bars to historic sailing ships. (If you haven’t visited the Unicorn or the Discovery, I recommend you do so).

Their shops are in part filled with small designers and local merchants who can afford the rates. They must have bribed the judges. And not a web in sight.

I can think of one other cultural crack in our granite culture bid. That is our disappointing crime culture. The guilty know who they are – because the police shamed them in the P&J issue of 18 June.

Guilt: (Eng. Noun) responsibility, culpability for an event, problem or issue.

This car crime that plagues Aberdeen – the police know who’s behind it, and they’re doing something about it. No, they’re not re-establishing the Facebook page ‘Aberdeen Stig Boy Racers’. You may recall this website which operated under the watchful eye of our police – over 400 people bragged about / supported/ joked about car theft, including posting ‘how to’ schematics.

Of course this was in no way a problem; the police never criticised it at all. Perhaps they were using it as a handy way to detect crime.

It’s not the thieves who are at fault

Some might think preventing crime by having police doing the rounds, or by not allowing people to glamourise crime might have been a better idea, but there you go.

These Stig theft fans were only engaging in harmless banter. The real culprits should hang their heads in shame. According to the P&J 18 June:-

“Police blame careless owners for car thefts.’

Yes that’s right. Those selfish, greedy, careless people who don’t lock their cars 100% of the time and/or who keep keys in their kitchens or near their front doors are guilty as sin. They’re asking for it.

It’s not the thieves who are at fault; it’s the people who want to think their belongings shouldn’t be stolen from their garages or their homes. Of course in terms of violence against women, the idea that women are ‘asking for it’ has been deemed offensive and inaccurate.

When it comes to car owners though – fair enough for the police to say they bring it on themselves. That is what we call progress.

I’d like to ask everyone who’s ever not locked their car, everyone who keeps keys in their properties which could be seen by a thief innocently casing the joint and pressing their nose to the glass to do the right thing. Turn yourselves in.

You can’t expect the police to be out on patrol everywhere (or indeed anywhere); they have some really dangerous people to deal with. I don’t mean ‘one man crime wave’ Mad Max Milligan who at 17 has stolen over £15k’s worth of goods He had a troubled background, and we need to cut him some slack. I mean the really dangerous people.

Guilty as charged is one hardened criminal, a Mr. X. I won’t name him for fear of reprisals.

He was given a lenient £300 fine for his first offence – although a custodial sentence would have been more appropriate.

I only wish they had cordoned off streets at the time and tasered him.

This man, seemingly a mild-mannered engineering graduate with no criminal record was spotted by eagle-eyed police camera operations at Christmas time walking our city streets with – a small corkscrew.

The offensive weapon, still in its plastic wrappings, was deemed to be an a massive security threat, and worthy of the fine imposed. I only wish they had cordoned off streets at the time and tasered him.

I suppose the guilty party would have got off with a lesser fine, but he invented a ridiculous story, and claimed he won the corkscrew in something called a ‘Christmas cracker’. Ridiculous. If any of you out there are carrying nail files, corkscrews, pointy keys, knitting needles or hair pins turn yourselves in now, you too may get off lightly.

However, if you feel like walking into the £1 shop next to Moulton Brown and buying an air pistol and some pellets, the police are happy for you to do so, as long as you’re over 18 years old and are then obviously completely mature.

I’m just glad to know that somewhere, someone high up in our esteemed police force is deciding who to target, and the judicial branch is responding with appropriate sentences. We can all sleep easier tonight – as long as there is nothing valuable in our kitchens, downstairs rooms or cars.

Next week: more law enforcement news, BrewDog AGM, and more.

Many Voices, But We’re For Real

Aberdeen City, Featured, Information 3 Responses »

Jun 102013

Aberdeen Voice Members Enjoying 'The Sun' 2

On behalf of Aberdeen Voice, and in response to complaints from readers, Editor, Fred Wilkinson comments on the Labour Party’s latest election literature.

It’s flattering to see that our provision of a local news service has been a success in our three-year existence, to the extent that the Labour Party in Aberdeen has used the title “Aberdeen Voice” for its election communication to the electors of Aberdeen Donside.

We can see why some have raised their eyebrows at this, and wish to make it clear that we are non-partisan when it comes to political issues and will consider publishing material, whatever its political viewpoint as long as it conforms to the standards of decency and truth on which we’re based and which we’re proud to uphold.

The Labour Party’s communication is its business, not ours. We feel it unfortunate that they have chosen, carelessly, it seems, a title that has come to mean non-partisan and fair journalism to those who have been with us for our three years of publication.

We have nothing to do with this piece of election material and hope that our neutrality has not been compromised.

Thanks for sticking with us.

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