Jun 062014
 

woman-214786 tallBy Bob Smith.

In the independence referendum
Maist weemin micht vote no
They think SNP directives
Are nae the wye ti go

A poll it wis cairry’t oot
Independence 64% dinna like
Is es a wye o sayin
SNP jist tak a hike

Es o coorse begs the question
Fit wye micht they vote no?
Div some see Alex Salmond
As a smarmy so an so?

Maist weemin it wid seem
Are listenin ti their heid
An refuse ti lit their hairt
Cause their soul ti bleed

Es maan  be a problem
For Alex an his cohorts
Are thochts o independence
Noo a wee bit oot o sorts?

A fyow months later on
Votes wull be aa revealin
Bit dis es latest poll
Sen independence chunces reelin?

Fitivver its oor luck ti be
In the UK or maybe nae
The vote o Scotland’s weemin fowk
Micht haud a wee bit sway

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
Image: http://pixabay.com/en/woman-girl-female
Thumbnail: http://pixabay.com/en/girl-woman

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May 302014
 

By Bob Smith.Lerwick torpedo tubes by Fred Wilkinson

We wanner’t doon ti the beach
‘Twis jist the ither day
Waves they cam rollin in
An gulls war aat their play
.
Waves they are aa different
Some saftly lap the shore
Ither eens cum rushin in
Wi a crash an affa roar
.
Lis’nin ti the waves some say
Is a pastime aat is fine
Waves slowly creepin ower the sand
Can calm a troubl’t myn
.
Canute fair grew tired o flattery
Fowk said the sea he cwid command
The king set oot ti prove ‘em wrang
An pit his throne amang the sand
.
Gyaang back the mannie roared
Bit the  sea kept rollin in
Canute he proved ye canna rule
The sea or waves therein
Wis aat a pirate ship a spied?
A fyow leagues fae the beach
Wis’t Jack Sparra at the helm
Or yon Blackbeard Edward Teach?
.
Pirates o The Caribbean
His a swashbucklin touch
The Pirates o Nigg Bay
Na – maybe nae sae much
.
A hidna bin at the bottle
Or puffin on “the weed”
Wis the skull an crossbones
On it’s wye ti Peterheid?
.
Crashin waves they brocht me back
An ti reality a took a tig
‘Twis ony a ile supply boatie
On it’s wye oot ti a rig
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
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May 162014
 

Barney Crocket addresses rally Image credit John AberdeinBy Bob Smith.

Puir Barney he’s bin crockett
Fair stabbit in the back
Jist like yon Julius Caesar
Bi fowk fae his ain pack

“Et tu Willie” did Barney gasp?
Yer a worthless cheatin w-nk-r
Nae ony better than
A City o London banker

Seems they plottit his doonfa
Fin the chiel wis in The States
Jist shows fit fowk can dee
E’en tho ye thocht ‘em mates

A new leader o the Cooncil
Her name ‘tis Jenny Laing
Foo lang wull es quine laist
Afore back stabbin stairts again

Bit fa supplied the dagger
Aat in Barney’s back wis stuck?
It cwid hae bin ony Labourite
Fa wi Barney hid nae truck

If ony lessons can be learn’t
So future leaders can safe be
Is nae ti ging on a swanny
In yon “Land O The Free”

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
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May 162014
 

By Bob Smith.
windmill3apic

The Donald’s bocht a golf resort
Doon on the Ayrshire coast
A’ll get ti host The Open
Wull noo be his prood boast
.
Thirty Five million he did spen
He got Turnberry fer a snip
Es o coorse micht mean
Interest in Menie taks a dip
.
Jist cast yer myn back
Fin winfairms he did detest
The mannie made a vow
In Scotland he’d nae mair invest
.
Fit ti mak o ess U-turn
As he cums crawlin back
Bein economical wi the truth
The chiel still his the knack
.
Hud on a wee meenitie tho’
It micht nae be plain sailin
The spectre o affshore winfairms
Cwid yet hae Trumpie wailin
.
Marine Scotland it his reported
Aboot a site jist oot at sea
Far ye cwid plunk win turbines
They’d be richt in Donald’s ee
Fergus Ewing says ess plans
Fer noo are aff the radar
Yet fair refused ti rule oot
Returnin ti them later
.
If a winfairm cam ti pass
Wid The Donald then renege?
Or wid he maybe in a rage
Blaw up yon Ailsa Craig
.
At Doonbeg he’d ti stop some wark
Did he nae hae richt permission?
He can tho’ noo  gyaang aheid
Maybe efter a new submission?
.
Micht Donald hae fresh concerns
A snail in Ireland is protectit
Bi speecial environmental laws
An ess canna be correctit
.
Trump says he’s gyaan ti wark
Wi environmentalists an sic fowk
If he’d deen aat ower in Menie
He micht nae bin classed a gowk
.
Noo ere’s nae doot the mannie
Oot the news he winna bide
Wull we next aa be hearin
The bugger’s bocht the River Clyde

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
Image Credit: © Mark Rasmussen | Dreamstime.com …. 3 windmills
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May 012014
 

By Bob Smith.
Cove boats

A weel aff mannie ca’ed Kohle
Stairtit a row maist unholy
Jist move aa yer boats
An pit ‘em on floats
An tak ‘em awa ti a storie
.
Ess chiel his decreed
His letters fowk heed
Dinna dee fit he wints
Wull the bugger charge rints?
As access ti shore he dis need
.
Fisher fowk fae Cove Bay
View aa ess wi dismay
They’ll kick up a stoor
Agin ess bliddy boor
His gemme they’re nae gyaan ti play
.
Auld Jock Ritchie fae Cove
Micht hae said noo by jove
“Wi canna hae ess,
Yer jist takkin the piss
An ma boatie a’m nae gyaan ti move”
Is Mr Kohle in transition
O destroyin a tradition
Fishers aye used the shore
Their gear fer ti store
Are they tae bow in submission
.
Ma wife is Cove bred
An ess maan be said
Fin she heard o Kohle’s scheme
Oot her lugs cam the steam
Sayin Cove culture’s noo dead
.
Cove fowk are fair wishin
We aa sign their petition
Ti show Prahlad Kohle
His ideas they are folly
An tae keep the fishin tradition
.
Use yer moose or yer pen
An a’m sure ye aa ken
The fisher fowk o Cove Bay
They shud hae their day
Ess message ti Kohle we sen

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
Image Credit: Boats on the shore at Cove Bay by Ewen Adam.
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Apr 252014
 

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA By Bob Smith.

Trust in oor politishuns
Is noo a bittie low
Self servin leein buggers
Is fit some polls div show

Even in auld Scotia
Ess thocht is jist as bad
Some fowk o aa ages
Think Salmond a “Jack-the-lad”

Noo Eck’s a superb orator
As politishun nae sae gweed
Coortin yon Rupert Murdoch
So’s SNP’s thochts he wull us feed

It’s nae fer the first time
“Wee Eck”  his bin accused
O haen some secret meetins
An his poseeshun he’s abused

Some say he uses bluster
In Parlimint at Holyrood
Instead o answerin a question
Aboot the asker he’s fair rude

A freen o myn the ither day
His opeenion he did gie
Aboot politishuns in oor kwintra
He wisna complimentary

“Wee Eck” he thocht average
Nicola Sturgeon wis nae eese
Johann Lamont she wis useless
Aboot Ruth Davidson jist said Jeez

A’m nae a political animal
Een’s as bad’s the ither
Bi they fer independence
Or fer  “Better Tigither”

Fin it cams ti September
Wull it bi hairt or heid?
Wull it cum doon ti believin
Fitivver shite they us feed?

So fit wye wull I vote
Wull it bi aye or no?
A dinna believe ony bugger
A’ll jist bide wi the status quo

 ©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie”2014
Image: The Houses of Parliament, seen across Westminster Bridge.
Released into the public domain by Adrian Pingstone.

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Apr 182014
 

Aberdeen Voice’s ‘poetry mannie in residence’ Bob Smith revisits the land of Lear and returns with more topical limericks.
clownlow

There is a mannie ca’ed Trump
Fa is a maist affa grump
Fin nae gettin his ain wye
Wid lit oot ess cry
Menie a micht hae ti dump
.
There is a chiel named Tucker
Ti some he wis a richt f- -ker
Ti “The Donald” aywis fawnin
Fin the Trump era wis dawnin
Some fowk he played fer a sucker
.
A lad doon in Glesga ca’ed Ally
His team wisna able ti rally
The Gers hidna a clue
Their fans war fair “blue”
Raith Rovers war haen a ball eh?
.
There wis a young loon ca’ed May
Fer St Johnstone he won the day
Aiberdeen fans were pissed
Fin chunces war missed
Nae Cup Final fer Dandies in May
.
There is a mannie fae Muse
Fa tries ti mak us swally a ruse
“Fowks views we did heed
Bit gless biggins we need
Gweed views ye’ll jist hae ti lose”
.
Scotland’s First Meenister “Wee Eck”
Micht he hae the poond or the maik
Wull “big business” pull oot
An doon ti England fair scoot
Leavin Scotia’s economy a wreck
.
There is an MP ca’ed Miller
Fa didna pye back a the siller
She bint a fyow rules
Took us aa fer richt fules
Her hans nae langer on tiller
.
There is a chiel Davie Moyes
Fa tried oot aa o his ploys
Yet Man Utd got beat
Fans stairtit ti bleat
An oot their prams cam the toys
.
There wis young fella named Leigh
Fa plays fitba fer Celtic FC.
Is Griffiths jist a daft loon
Wi nithing unner his croon?
Or a dyed in the wool racist “b”?
.
A politican mannie Farage
On TV he fair wis in charge
Nick Clegg wis ootfocht
As mair votes he socht
Wull UKIP noo mount a barrage
There is a leader named Putin
In Crimea he fair pit the boot in
Maist fowk in Ukraine
Think the bugger a pain
Hopin aat’s the eyn o the shootin
.
There is a Prime Meenister Cameron
In Hooses o Parlimint is aye yammerin
We’re aa in it thegither
Like sister an brither
Hame ess message he is noo hammerin
.
There is a chiel named Pistorius
In Sooth Africa his life’s nae harmonious
In sheetin his quine
Wis he oot o his myn
Wis the relationship a bit acrimonious
.
There wis a quine named Peaches
Eence hid trouble wi media leeches
Noo the puir quine is deid
Wull the “vultures” noo feed
Aboot society fit dis ess teach us
.
There wis a mannie John Muir
Throwe America he likit ti tour
Some progress he thocht blind
Hurtin mair than mankind
Some criticism he hid ti endure
.
Lord Myners a chief fae the Co-opie
His reforms some thocht a bit ropey
He resigned on the spot
Sayin aat’s noo yer lot
The power struggle it is a bit dopey
.
There is a young prince ca’ed Dod
Fa’s the latest royalty bod
Some wifies wint aa gooey
Prince Dod thocht—a phooey
A’m a fartin an riftin wee sod
.
There wis a rhymer ca’ed Burns
His love life it took a fyow turns
Mony lasses he lo’ed
He stood oot in a crood
Did aat plooman poet Rabbie Burns
.
There wis an auld chiel ca’ed Bob
Writin poetry fer AV wis his job
Some thocht it wis great
Yet ithers fair got irate
As “grenades” he sometimes did lob.
.
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
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Apr 182014
 

“When a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport. When the tiger wants to murder him he calls it ferocity”
–George Bernard Shaw.

tiger-165189_640 http://pixabay.com/en/tiger-cub-tiger-cub-big-cat-feline-165189/ Bob Smith comments on wildlife crime and Man’s relationship with wild animals.

Noo lit ma say richt fae the stairt ony sort o crime agin nature an wildlife fair gits ma dander up. Bit a hiv ti say there’s times fin we humans are a richt bunch o bliddy hypocrites.

Lit’s tak the case fer cullin badgers.

Ess is deen bi the governmint at the behest o the fairmin community cos they reckon the badgers cause TB in their herds o nowt an as a result are lossin siller.

Yet nae doot the same argument wid be used bi the fowk fa are pooshanin the raptors cos they’re allegedly killin their pheasants an grouse plus the odd lamb an ess is affectin the siller in THEIR pooches.

Ae sort o killin is viewed as a legal cull, yet the second een is seen as a wildlife crime. In ma een they’re baith a bliddy crime.

The pooshanin o the reid kites an buzzards up near Conon Bridge is only the tip o the iceberg fin it comes tae wildlife crime in ess kwintra an tho it micht be only a fyow neanderthal  gamies an their landowner bosses fa are committin the crimes, fin they are fun oot wi shud stick een o their Purdy shotguns up their erse an lit blast wi baith barrels!!! Only jokin fowks bit wi are a bittie lenient fin it comes ti crime agin wildlife.

O coorse wildlife crime is nithin new. Awa back in Victorian times an richt up ti aroon the 1960’s fowk war blastin awa at wild animals an sic like. Back then they war ca’ed sheetin safaris an ess wis leukit upon as bein sport. Onything at moved on the African plains or in the Indian jungle wis shot at an their heids cut aff an stuffed as “Trophies”.

Nooadays wildlife crime is cairry’t oot in the same locations ti satisfy the demand fer animal pairts as medicinal cures in plaicies like China.

Bit lit’s nae forgit oor “cousins” ower in the USA.

In the “rootin, tootin aywis shootin” gun crazy America, fowk ging aboot sheetin bears, deer, dyeuks, geese etc an leuk upon thersels as great hunters.

Noo hunters I wid describe as fowk awa back fa wint aboot  sheetin animals ti feed thersels. Ess lot o so ca’ed hunters gyaang aboot sheetin jist fer the sheer pleasure o’t an ca’ it sport. Maybe wi shud even things up in wir ain kwintra bi re- introducin bears, lynx an wolves back inti the wilds an mak it an offence ti sheet them.

I can jist see it noo, gamies bein confronted bi a bliddy great bear an ha’en ti turn tail an rin wi the bear in hot pursuit roarin “the beet’s on the ither fit noo ye bastard”.

I can myn o a gamie employed bi the local laird in the area far a wis brocht up bein nicknamed “Beets an Bunnet” on the accoont he wore a bliddy great big bunnet an fer his size hid affa big feet. Noo ess chiel wid sheet an ask questions efterwards if onything daar’t ti venture near his pheasants.

He wisna  aat weel likit bi some o the local fowk an eventually got the bung. Gamies an landowners fa still commit wildlife crime in ess kwintra shud be jiled AND heavily fined wi their guns confiscated an gun licences revoked fer ivver.

A’ll leave the last wird ti Mahatma Ghandi fa is quoted as sayin:

“The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way it treats its animals”

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Apr 082014
 

Charlie Abel by Julie ThompsonBy Bob Smith.

The barn wis wash’t and scrubbit doon
A job ower hard for ae wee loon
Seen aa the fleer wis fine an clean
Ready for a dustin o slipperene

Neipers an freens fae aa aroon
Cam doon the road ti wir fairm toon
There ti hae a dunce an celebrate
The hinmaist shaif throwe the cornyaird gate

There wis streamers hingin fae the roof
As roon the fleer the fowk did hoof
Gay Gordons, waltzes and foxtrots
Maist fowk wis swatin lots an lots

Music wis provided by twa chiels
Aabody got up fer an eichtsome reel
Syne fin they needed a wee bit rest
Samplin the food they did wi zest

Pies sandwiches an scones wi jam
Teas lemonade or maybe a dram
We aa sat aroon an hid a blether
Aboot the price o coos or the affa wither

Time ti gyang hame aroon een o clock
Some fowk in the mornin wid hae ti yoke
The horse up ti the sma box cairt
Fin gaitherin neeps they micht hae ti stairt

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
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Apr 042014
 

By Bob Smith.
http://pixabay.com/en/woods-green-trees-path-park-175878/

The 100th anniversary o the death
O a gweed mannie fae Dunbar
Fa left ess shores fer America
Stravaigin near an far
.
John Muir wis ess chiel’s name
An environmentalist o renown
A philosopher an explorer
Cwid be added ti his crown
.
In America he is weel kent
Yet in Scotia nae sae muckle
Ti fin oot aboot ess legend
Doon ti learnin we maan buckle
.
The faither o conservation in USA
A founder o the Sierra Club
Is jist twa o the monikers
On John Muir we cwid dub
Explore, discover an cherish
Wis ess mannie’s philosophy
We’re aa pairt o the naitural warld
Love wild places wis his decree
.
He fair likit the wilderness
Free fae touch o human han
Ower muckle interference fae man
The chiel jist cwidna stan
.
The John Muir Trust in Scotland
Cairries on Muir’s philosophy
An maks sure we learn mair
An git telt o his legacy
.
Cherish weel oor wild lans
Try oot the John Muir Way
Connect wi the mannie’s ideas
An lit nature hae its say

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
Image Credit: http://pixabay.com/en/woods-green-trees-path-park-175878/

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