Mar 282014
 

By Bob Smith.http://pixabay.com/en/golfing-golf-ball-sport-golfer-219993/

Noo ye wee fite dimpl’t sphere
Let me mak es verra clear
Gyang doon the middle stracht an true
So’s an affa  gweed score a can accrue
.
Nae oot the cup a wint ye spinnin
Sittin on the edge a-grinnin
Thinkin  a’m nae gyaan ti drap
Eence mair yer score it wull be crap
.
Doon the fairways ye maan ging
So ma wee hairtie stairts ti sing
Lan’ oan the green near the pin
So anither birdie a can mark in
.
Be ye Titleist or Wilson Staff
Dinna behave like a soddin nyaff
Pick up yer skirts an hae a rin
If a happen ti hit ye ower bliddy thin
Dinna gyaang an try an hide
Jist on the fairways try ti bide
If ye ging duncin left or richt
A widna think aat verra bricht
.
A’m sorry a gid yer heid a dunt
So bide oot the bunkers ye little runt
In ma pooch ye can hae a rest
A’ll noo pit yer brither ti the test
.
Ye’ll nae bide fite fer verra lang
As roon efter roon a lit whang
Sometimes a doot ye micht git lost
Intae the whins ye can git toss’t
.
Puir ba a really lik’t ye fine
Please dinna lie there an pine
Some ither auld goat micht fin ye there
Eence mair some curses ye’ll hae ti bear

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
Image Credit: http://pixabay.com/en/users/PublicDomainPictures/

Comments enabled – see comments box below. Note, all comments will be moderated.

Mar 202014
 

By Bob Smith.Stand Free

Fae Inverness an Aiberdeen
Doon ti east o Glesga Green
Fitba fans in reid or blue
An fegs they war a motley crew
.
Scarves an flags aa ower the place
Some fowk they wore a sheepie’s face
Dons fans aa decked in new attire
Statin aat “The Sheep Are on Fire”
.
The atmosphere it wis rich braw
Celtic or Rangers nae missed ava
Fans aa oot ti enjoy the game
Yet only ae team wid fin fame
.
Baith teams strode on green sward
90 meenits awa fae their reward
Fa wid win ess ‘eer’s League Cup
An fae its innards git ti sup?
.
The fans war still at fever pitch
Fin Dons they suffered a major glitch
Wee Jonny Hayes lost ti the fray
Nae mair wid Jonny git ti play
.
Only ae team wis tryin ti win
Some fitba tactics they are a sin
Caley Thistle they defendit weel
Frustration Dons fans began ti feel
A huuner and twenty meenits we did get
Yet naebody cwid fin the bliddy net
A penalty shoot oot wi did hae
Nae goals war scored fae open play
.
Up steppit CT’s Billy McKay,
The chiel he wid hae first try
Bit “Clangers” wis an instant hero
An Inverness stairtit wi a zero
.
The Dons wint inti a twa goal lead
As Inverness hairts they did bleed
Adam Rooney hut the winnin strike
Celebrations? Ye’ve nivver seen the like
.
Forty thoosan fans lit oot a roar
Fit wid hae bin heard in Baltimore
The cup wis oors – oh michty me
Fae doots an fears we noo war free
.
Russell Anderson wi een o his hans
Held up the cup tae delirious fans
Growne mannies an wifie’s hid a greet
An geets war liftit aff their feet
.
The sheep are on fire, the sheep are on fire
A Scottish Cup win wis noo the desire
Ti win at Parkheid an syne at Ibrox
Wid hae Weegies teerin oot their locks.

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014.

Feb 212014
 

By Bob Smith. Ti bi sung ti the melody o “Galway Bay”. Wi Apologies ti Arthur Colahan

DonaldWindIf ye ivver nip ower the sea ti Ireland
An meybe doon the wye o Coonty Clare
Ye micht see a mannie on his gowf course
Bawlin bigg a bliddy winfairm if ye dare

As ye sit aroon the peat fire in the gloamin
Watchin Doonbeg gowfers as they play
Thinkin Trumpie micht be here in Eire
Bit foo lang’s the bugger gyaan ti stay

His auld mither she did come fae Scotia
Far his faither cam fae we really dinna ken
A’m sure The Donald wull noo try ti tell us
He wis born in a wee bit Irish but ‘n ben

If the waves crash ower the dunes in Ireland
An flood the greens nearest ti the shore
Ye can bet yer bliddy bottom dollar
Fae Doonbeg ye’re sure ti hear an affa roar

It’s gyaan ti be the greatest there is in Eire
Wi the best in the warld it wull compare
We’ll nae doot hear es spiel fae Donald
Aboot his gowf course ower at Doonbeg Coonty Clare

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014

Comments enabled – see comments box below. Note, all comments will be moderated

Feb 142014
 

By Bob Smith.

trumpleaving

Trump’s nae deein the Hielan Fling
He’s noo tryin River Dance
Intae his Menie Developmint
Anither dollar he’ll nae advance
.
He’s gyaan ti the Emerald Isle
Doon the wye o Coonty Clare
A feel sorry fer the Irish fowk
His arrogance they’ll hae ti bear
.
His mither bein’ Scottish born
The chiel wis aywis blawin
Wull we noo hear fae him
His faither wis a leprechaun
.
Scotland wull be the losers
The bugger dis rant an roar
Donald jist gie’t a rest
Yer mair than jist a bore
Bi throwin the toys oot the pram
He’s shown his petulant streak
Aa because he lost his case
In front o a Scottish “beak”
.
At Menie wull he pack it in
An leave here wi gweed grace?
Somehoo a dinna think so
Cos the mannie wid lose face
.
Donald o the Menie Estate
Fa’s stock his teen a dip
Noo he micht be kent as
Donald o the petted lip.
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
  • Comments enabled – see comments box below. Note, all comments will be moderated.
Jan 312014
 

By Bob Smith.

“Music has charms to soothe the savage breast” – So wrote the 17thc poet William Congreve.

Jablonski Electric Band 1 -  Credit: Julie Thompson

Music his the ability tae calm ye richt doon fin ye git yer knickers in a twist. Masel if a git trachelt or upticht a relax bi lis’nin tae a bittie o Beethoven or Mozart, or sometimes Japanese or Native American flute music. Bit aabody’s different an as lang as the music his a calmin enfluence it disna maitter fit ye listen tull.

A dinna cum fae a musical faimily tho’ ma faither fin his airm wis twistit cwid drag a gweed aneuch tune oot o the melodeon.

As for masel a’m disappyntit noo aat a didna cairry on ma accordion lessons fin a wis a loon,bit a didna gyaang back efter haein ma appendix oot. Still a can jist aboot manage a tunie on the moothie, an am fair tae middlin on the kazoo an the Jews harp.

A confess tae likin maist types o music fae Sibelius tae the Scottish Celtic folk-rock band Skerryvore tho’ am nae aat fond o punk, rap an modern jazz an lis’nin tae music played a big pairt in ma life fin a wis a loon an it still dis. Ilka Setterday nicht we wid sit roon the wireless an fair enjoy Scottish Dunce Music on the Scottish Hame Service.

Ma faither an me wid hae freenly discushins aboot faa hid the best band Jimmy Shand or Jim Cameron. Tho’ a did like Shand a hid a preference fer Jim Cameron. A think it wis the playin o Dod Michie on his cornet fit clinched it fer me. Ma mither likit Housewives Choice an Music While You Work an a learn’t aa the latest tunes an sangs bi lis’nin tae the Licht Programme afore it chynged tae BBC Radio 2

Music cairry’t on in ma teens fin a learn’t the airt o duncin in the village halls o Echt, Garlogie an Skene tae the music o Bert Duff’s Band  an Mary Milne’s Band tae name bit twa, syne twa quines fa work’t wi me in the offices o the S.A.I. perswaadit me tae gyaang wi them tae the duncin in Aiberdeen.

So a coontit masel lucky tae be  able tae dunce tae music fer the Gay Gordons an a Eichtsome Reel on a Friday nicht an Quicksteps an Slow Foxtrots on a Setterday nicht, firstly in the MacRobert Hall at Robert Gordon’s College (MacRobs), syne at The Beach Ballroom an The Palace.

Nae contint wi the music a heard on Friday an Setterday nichts a jined the Abergeldie Jazz Club fit eence wis doon in the Hardgate an ilka Widnesday nicht wid jive awa tae the resident band o Sandy West or listen tae weel kent guest bands. Kenny Ball, The Clyde Valley Stompers, The Alex Welsh Band an Terry Lightfoot and his Jazzmen aa pit in an appearance at the Abergelgie.

A hinna a great voice bit a hiv bin perswaadit noo an agin tae sing

Noo a coont masel affa lucky tae hae bin in at the stairt o the “Rock ‘n Roll” era, an fin a hid some spare siller wid buy the latest hits o the likes o Elvis, Little Richard, Jerry Lee Lewis, The Everly Brothers or Chuck Berry.

So far as a’m concerned pop music stairtit tae gyaang doonhill in the 70’s tho there wis a fyow exceptions, like Queen, The Eagles, Dire Straits an Status Quo.

Folk music fae aa ower Britain and the USA aye wis o great interest tae me speeshally the protest sangs o Woody Guthrie an Pete Seeger richt throwe tae early Bob Dylan.

Noo some fowk micht nae agree wi ma opeenion aat Bothy Ballads or Cornkisters cum unner the heidin o folk bit a leuk on them as bein the folk sangs o N.E. Scotland. A hinna a great voice bit a hiv bin perswaadit noo an agin tae sing the likes o “Nicky Tams” or the “Muckin o Geordie’s Byre” at faimily waddins. No am nae takin ony bookins!!!

As a grew aulder a stairtit tae appreciate the soonds o classical music. Nae the heavy stuff like Wagner mair yer licht classics bi Beethoven an Mozart or late 19thc/early 20thc composers like Edvard Greig or Frederick Delius. There’s nithing better than pittin on the heidphones an littin yer myn relax tae Beethoven’s “Pastoral” Symphony or “Morning” fae the Peer Gynt Suite No 1 by Greig.

A’ve afen bin ask’d fit ma faavrit piece o music or sang is. There is a gweed fyow aat wid qualify bit tap o the pile maun be aat Scottish quine Eddi Reader singin “My Love is like a Red Red Rose” screived bi the man himsel Rabbie Burns.Een o the greatest love sangs ivver  if ye ask me.

So there ye hae it – “music has the charms to soothe the savage breast” accordin tae Congreve or as Wullie Shakespeare wrote, “If music be the food of love, play on”.  So far as am concerned baith chiels war richt.

  • Comments enabled – see comments box below. Note, all comments will be moderated.
Jan 312014
 

By Bob Smith.
Grandmother is tickling grandfather

Es growein aul’ tis a pain
Some fowk treat ye wi disdain
If yer noo ower seeventy five
Ye’ve less chunce o steyin alive
.
Ye micht nae be treated fer Big C
Ach ye’ll noo jist hae tae dee
Ye’re a burden tae the NHS
Yer chunces o treatment cwid be less
.
It’s noo a warld fer the young an fit
If yer aul’ yer in the shit
Society wints ye oot the wye
So curl up an bliddy die
.
Leukit upon as bein senile
Nae langer pairt o rank an file
Costs ower muckle fer yer care
Time ye wis plunkit in yer lair
Time fer aul’ buggers tae fecht back
An show the warld we dinna lack
The will tae live an contribute
We hiv mair sinse than some nae doot
.
Maist aulder eens they aye vote
So governmints please tak note
Ignore us an ye’ll fin oot noo
We hiv the power tae turn the screw
.
Seeventy five aat’s noo nae  auld
Even tho some fowk are turnin bald
Wi  hiv earned the richt tae expect
Society tae treat us wi mair respect.
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
  • Comments enabled – see comments box below. Note, all comments will be moderated
Jan 242014
 

By Bob Smith.
Working online

Mair fowk it seems are buyin online
Toon cinters noo are in decline
A click on tae ony online store
Aathing seen cams tae yer door
.
Fowk they claim es saves them time
Aboot local shops care nae a dime
As lang as fin they click the moose
The “stuff’s” deliver’t tae their hoose
.
Empty shoppies they’re aa aroon
Some are even bein rugg’t doon
Ither eens struggle tae survive
As yearly profits they tak a dive
.
Money nae langer spint in the toon
Causin city faithers tae hae a froon
Weel kent shoppies they gyaang bust
As fowk embrace es online lust
.
Amazon noo is fair takin ower
Bigger they git the mair the power
Add tae basket ye jist click
As throwe their website ye div flick
They say progess ye canna stop
An es is noo the wye tae shop
High Street shop’s wull be nae mair
As modern shoppers cwidna care
.
As lang’s they git fit they wint
An online orders are nae tint
They’ll click the moose fer ivver mair
On laptop screens they sit an stare
.
Toon cinters seen fu’ o ghosts
Shops an shoppers are aa lost
Online shoppin kills the trade
O local fowk fa war self made
.
So cast yer myn back a fyle
Fin city cinter shops hid style
On streets there wis a bustle
Syne online stores,trade did rustle
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014

Image credit © Alex Kirichenko | Dreamstime Stock Photos
Comments enabled – see comments box below. Note, all comments will be moderated.

Jan 162014
 

By Bob Smith.

stonehavenflood

Floods they are noo frequent
Efter lots o hivvy rains
Mony say ae problem is
Biggin on flood plains
.
Hooses biggit near rivers
Es canna be jist richt
Mony hooses on flood plains
Is nae an idea maist bricht
.
Watter fa’in fae the sky
It needs tae soak awa
Concrete aa ower the lan
Es is nae eese ava
Mair biggins needit is the cry
Tae hoose oor growein masses
Maybe we jist need less fowk
An keep oor meadows an oor grasses
.
The answer’s nae an easy een
A solution it maan be fun
If climate change means mair rain
Fair sweemin wull be the grun.
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
  • Comments enabled – see comments box below. Note, all comments will be moderated.
Jan 102014
 

By Bob Smith.

Bob the Robin186 Elaine Andrews

Hullo ti ma  feathered freens
As they sit oot in the caul
Aa jist waitin ti be fed
By a fite haired human pal
.
Efter fillin up aa their feeders
An scatterin seed alang the grun
A gyang back ti ma hoose
Ti watch aa naiture’s fun
.
The sparras an the blackies
They swoop doon fairly quick
Syne folla’t by the chaffinches
As throwe the seeds they peck

Starlin’s are at the bird table
Squabblin wi aa their micht
The robin sits on a claes pole
Scauldin aabody in his sicht
The robin tho’ he’s fair itchin’
Ti jine the thrang alow
He flees doon an flutters aboot
His importance he likes ti show
.
The bird bath’s frozen solid
So a sma dishie his ti dee
Five dunnocks try ti hae a bath
Fin there’s room fer only three
.
The craws they sit an ponder
Foo ti get at aa the seed
They try an hing on ti a feeder
Bit they jist spill aa the feed
.
A  fair get a lot o enjoyment
As the birds they gyang aboot
In es  caul windy wither
They need feedin there’s nae doot

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie”
Photos – Bob The Robin by Elaine Andrews
Comments enabled – see comments box below. Note, all comments will be moderated

Jan 022014
 

By Bob Smith.
Planet Earth

Wull wi ivver hae peace on earth
Difference o opeenion causes fechts
Can wi see common sinse prevail
An sort oot wrangs fae richts
.
Nae muckle chunce a sadly feel
Greed an religion pull the strings
The puir struggle tae survive
Heicher prices hiv their fling
.
The warld an his mither are oot there
Buyin up aa they bliddy can
Cos they hiv the cloot tae buy
Goods fae China or Japan
.
Wull wi survive the yammer
Fer mair an mair tae hae
Or hive wi the collective will
Tae lave some fer anither day
.
The economy maan hae priority
Governmints an bunkers aye state
Tryin tae bowster warld economies
His  fair hertin’t the greedy trait
Wi hiv the lan wi hiv the sea
Tae produce aneuch fer us aa
Bit big business ca’s the tune
Buy mair an mair they jaw
.
A’ve nae problem wi religion
If yer aye free tae choose
Tae abide bi its doctrines
Or its ideologies tae refuse
.
Spirituality is far mair pleasin
Yer inner sel’ shud hae nae doot
Free yer spirit tae embrace
Fit the planet is aa aboot
.
Fin warld’s resources are near deen
An the planet his nae mair tae gie
Fowk wull roam throweoot the lan
Fechtin ower food an the richt tae be
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013
Image: Planet Earth ©Foto_jem Dreamstime 
  • Comments enabled – see comments box below. Note, all comments will be moderated.