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Apr 152011
 

By Bob Smith.

Destroy  his vision at yer peril
Ye bunch o ignorant plebs
He’s  mair money than the lot o ye
An aat includes ony media celebs

He thinks ye’ve gin aff yer heid
If ye turn doon his generous offers
We’ll nae survive withoot him
There’s nae  money in city coffers

Neen o yer speil  he wints ti hear
Aboot the green lungs o the city
Iss is  aboot pittin lots o dosh
In   his Acsef cronies kitty

A  fine specimen o a  roof gairden
Fae  some architect wull be seen
The toon centre  transformed says he
Fair sparkling  in front o yer een

Faa‘s mou dis aa iss crap cum fae?
O aye yon millionaire mannie Widdie
Some think  the billie a richt gweed chiel
Ti the rest  he’s  a  bliddy diddie

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2011

 

Mar 302011
 

By Bob Smith.

Noo oor Widdie he his made ma laach
I think the mannie’s jist made a gaffe
Fin he ranted at thon Chuncellor Dod
Faa I’m sure he thinks an ignorant sod

Chuncellor Dod raised the North Sea tax
Sir Ian thinks iss is maist affa lax
Geordie Osborne shud hae asked the view
O Sir Ian Widd an aa his motley crew

Wi the ile industry Dod’s nae consulted
So Widdie wis maybe a bittie insulted
Seems the chuncellor shud hae first teen heed
O the haill ile industry an aa their creed

A wee bit o a hypocrite ye cwid caa Sir Ian
Aiberdonians thochts they wir sint fleein
Aboot UTG plans Sir Ian, ye ignored oor view
So fit wye shud Dod Osborne tak heed o you

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2011

 

Clock Ticking For Triple Kirks And The Peregrines

 Aberdeen City, Articles, Community, Featured, Information, Opinion  Comments Off on Clock Ticking For Triple Kirks And The Peregrines
Mar 252011
 

In January 2011, Richard Pelling posted a blog entitled Triple Kirks Nonsultation?’ about what was going on at The Triple Kirks site. At this stage, the plans for the site had already been subject to intense local criticism, inspired a poem and had even received a bit of a national mauling in Private Eye (Eye 1279, page 16). Richard now brings us up to date.

In February,  Stewart Milne Group (SMG) submitted an Environmental Impact Assessment (EIA) screening option request to determine if they would need to carry out an EIA prior to submitting plans – to which we of course made comment.

It turns out that given that the site is less than 0.5 hectares in size and “does not fall within a sensitive area”,  no EIA is required.

So, the presence of the Schedule 1 listed Peregrine Falcons on site apparently does not merit any special attention and no study of the potential impact on them is required. Sad.

While on the subject of the majestic Peregrine, it is worth pointing out that the registered address of SMG is, ironically, Peregrine House in Westhill. Want more irony? Of course you do! One of the items cited in the Corporate Social Responsibility section of the SMG website is Protecting our Native Birds.

With the pesky matter of the requirement for an EIA out of the way, the plans for the proposed development were duly submitted to Aberdeen City Council in March.

Now on the aforementioned Corporate Social Responsibility section of the SMG website, I was pleased to read the following :

“Protecting our Heritage – Historic buildings are a vital part of this nation’s heritage, and one particularly close to our heart”.

So in line with this statement, would the final plans represent a volt face, meaning that Archibald Simpson’s Triple Kirks site would be treated in a sympathetic manner? Would the soaring A-listed spire now be afforded the respect it deserves? Nae chance. Perusal of the application on-line – P110303 – reveals that they look remarkably similar to those being peddled during the nonsultation exercise – quelle surprise.

Surely the site deserves more than the bland and insipid glazed shed that that some would say desecrates the Triple Kirks site and detracts from the surrounding historic streetscape? Why bother to give a building A-listed status if it can be treated with such disregard? Please check out the plans and then make your comments on the application – you have until 31st March 2011 to do this.

Remember that if you commented in the initial nonsultation exercise or in response to planning application P110056, you need to do it all over again for this one – P110303 – in order to make your views known.

If you have concerns on the impact on the spire, it would also be worth contacting Historic Scotland directly – I’m sure they will have something to say in response to seeing the plans anyway – but it’s good to let them know that you care about the fate of the Triple Kirks spire (Historic Building No. 19940).

As for the fate of the Peregrines, if you are worried about how this development may impact them it is certainly worth contacting Scottish Natural Heritage to express your concerns. The SMG website shows that they have apparently been funding some RSPB projects in Scotland, so could this mean that the RSPB may be reluctant to stand up for the Triple Kirks falcons? If you are an RSPB member perhaps you might consider dropping them an e-mail to ask them to fight for the falcons.

Anyway, whatever you feel like doing, please do it … the clock is ticking on Triple Kirks! So as the saying goes, act now or forever hold your peace.

As a footnote, it was nice to see the Rosemount Review report that :

‘ Rosemount Community Council rejected new plans to develop the derelict Triple Kirks site last night. The community council concluded that the new designs were “not in keeping with the area”. ‘

Maist Cooncillors Wid Mak Ye Cry

 Aberdeen City, Articles, Creative Writing, Opinion, Satire and Humour  Comments Off on Maist Cooncillors Wid Mak Ye Cry
Mar 182011
 

By Bob Smith.

(Ti bi sung ti the melody o “Ghost Riders in the Sky”)

As I gid waakin ower the wye doon bye Union Street
The scene fit I could see wid mak ye bliddy greet
Aathing noo are multiples wi jist the odd local shoppie
Nae ony sma businesses or cafes ained by the Giulianottis

Noo on the scene cams Sir Ian Widd he is a local chiel
Treatin aa the fowk wi disdain as tho they’re bliddy feel
Wi a vision fer UT Gairdens we fin affa hard ti bear
The bonnie trees an shrubbies oot the grun he’d like ti tear

Numpties  yi Ohhhh
Numpties yi Yaaaay
Maist cooncillors wid mak ye cry

The Acsef gowks an the cooncillors hiv noo backit iss scheme
Ti cover ower the gairdens an realise oor Widdie’s dream
Despite the public votin no an sayin jist bugger aff
Leave oor bonnie gairdens, yer ideas they are naff

Up pops wee Stewartie Milne wi plans for the Triple Kirks
Sir Ian Widd’s ideas fit in wi his so he thinks we’re stupid birks
A biggin fit’s nae pleasin, jist fu o gless an steel
Aa the architecture roon aboot wid loss it’s great appeal

Numpties yi Ohhhh
Numpties yi Yaaay
Maist cooncillors wid mak ye cry

They’re pluntin trees on Tullos Hill for us aa ti enjoy
Yet cullin o the resident deer iss seems a stupid ploy
Oor cooncillors ti protect the trees winna spend ony dosh
They’re  thinkin o the venison steaks, ti bi served ti them as nosh

Oor cooncillors they hiv nae sense, fowk noo think  they’re mad
Lossin  the grant for the Peacock scheme iss wis maist affa sad
It’s nae the only thing the cooncil’s tint, they’ve lost the plot as weel
Nae wunner Aiberdonians think the haill damn’t lot are feel

Numpties yi Ohhhh
Numpties yi Yaaay
Maist cooncillors wid mak ye cry

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2010

 

Lament For Aiberdeen

 Aberdeen City, Articles, Creative Writing, Opinion  Comments Off on Lament For Aiberdeen
Mar 032011
 

By Bob Smith.

Greet fer oor eence great city
Fer Aiberdonians hae great pity
A toon run by a bunch o eeseless feels
A cooncil in the pooch o business chiels

Greet fer oor eence bonnie toon
Faar we’ve bin brocht roon
Ti a city run bi them aat’s rich
Faar protest they wid like ti ditch

Greet fer democracy twixt Don an Dee
A toon faar the cooncillors boo the knee
Kowtowin ti aa thon Acsef bunch
Fit for? Maybe the odd free lunch?

Greet fer the greenbelt an hae a groan
A briggie ti be biggit near Tillydrone
A fitba stadium fit glowes reid
The Loch o Loirston’ll seen bi deid

Greet fer the green lungs o the toon
Faar UTG’s trees wull be cut doon
Ti be replaced by a rich chiel’s vision
Time we aa treated iss wi derision

Fit’s happenin noo we shud lament
An banish oor cooncillors ti Tashkent
Bit lit us nae get ower doon in the moo
We micht yet dunce ti a jig fae Iron Broo

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie”2010

 

City Deevilment Company

 Articles, Creative Writing, Opinion, Satire and Humour  Comments Off on City Deevilment Company
Feb 252011
 

By Bob Smith.

Jist hud on a wee meen’tie
Noo fit’s aa iss crap?
A City Development Co.
Ti pit us aa on e map

Maist likely a Deevilment Co
Is fit fowk micht jalouse
Tryin ti sneak throwe ideas
So UTG we wid lose

Awa wi yer cooncil haverins
Dinna listen ti them craw
If private sector’s involved
It’ll be nae eese ava

The heid-bummer o the company
Is ti be a business mannie
We’ll hae ti be richt vigilant
So’s e buggers they ca canny

Transferin assets o oor toon
Am nae happy wi at aa
Iss micht be legalised robbery
O city “treasures” fit are braw

Noo aroon the eyn o April
Aathing micht become mair clear
Aiberdonians afore aat tho’
Shud stan up an bliddy jeer

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2010

Feb 182011
 

By Bob Smith.

Fit a stramash roon Loirston wye
Aboot the Dons new fitba hame
The local fowk are up in airms
Claimin some are nae playin the game

Noo richt awa I maun declare
An interest in aa iss spik
As I masel can be fun
At Pittodrie ilka second wikk

I hiv an interest as weel
In conservation o greenbelt lan
An fir mair than 5 decades
I’ve bin a wildlife fan

Noo aat’s said let’s hae a look
At the argiement for an agin
Tho’ ti build on protected lan
Iss ti me wid be a sin

Fir greenbelt lan it wid seem
Planners dinna hae muckle time
Nivver myn the flora an fauna
Jist cover it wi steen an lime

The Community Cooncil hiv great doots
Aboot the traffic an the parkin
Cloggin up aa the road arteries
Iss scheme they think is barkin

It’s nae surprise yon Stewartie Milne
Is richt ahin aa this caper
Wi lots o his business freens
An the “rag” o a local paper

I’ve hid a wird wi a fyow Dons fans
Faa ken the move is nigh
Maist are nae in favour
O a move oot Loirston wye

Bit losh I’m fair dumfoonert
Fit wye AFC canna upgrade
Aa the stands an ither bitties
Wi a new Main Stand ti be made

The new biggin it’ll glow aa reid
Fin the Dons play nicht matches
It micht be thocht a UFO
An be mentioned in RAF dispatches

The P&J – oh fit a surprise
Think aathing’ll be a bonus
They shud tell us aa the facts
An hae an impartial focus

Noo fowk aa ower the toon
At iss thocht will faa aboot
An impartial view fae the P&J
We’ll nivver hae I doot


©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2010

Feb 042011
 

By Bob Smith.

Stewartie Milne could be a loser
Dis he ken fit he is deein?
Backin some kittlesome ideas
Lots o fowk are disagreein

He’s weel ti the forefront
Promotin twa SPL tiers o ten
Bit some o his cronies say
Awa back an think again

He’s a freen o yon Trump
So must back use o CPOs
Stewartie min tak great care
Ye micht get a bleedy nose

Wi ACSEF he’s in bed
Wi Sir Ian Widd he cavorts
His the mannie nae sense ava ?
He maun be oot o sorts

The new stadium at Loirston
Is a must the chiel dis spoot
Maist Dons fans are nae convinced
An lots they hiv great doot

So Stewartie jist tak note
Tho’ millions ye micht hae
The fowk faa div oppose ye
They micht yet win the day

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2010

Jan 282011
 

By Bob Smith.

We’ve aa pit on a bittie wecht
Caused  by eatin convenience food
Nae mair time it seems we tak
Ti cook fit’s healthy an good

We stuff oorsels wi ready made meals
Shoved in the oven or microwave
Iss food is maistly tasteless shite
Tho’ time it wid seem we save

Fowk are classed as cooch tatties
TV channels they hiv on tap
I canna get ma heid roon iss
As the T.V noo is crap

“I hivna time ti cook a meal”
Tis the modern hoosewife’s wail
Jist aet fit a pit afore ye
Tho ye micht get like a whale

Mair choice! mair choice! we gie ye
Is the supermarkets prood boast
Nivver myn that fit wer eatin
His traivelled fae the sooth coast

Maybe we should listen ti the pleas
An cook like  aal Auntie Jessie
Unless we aa wint ti turn intae
A Fatty Arbuckle or Twa Ton Tessie

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2010

Jan 212011
 

By Bob Smith.

Tak a trip oot bye Cove
It’s aneuch ti mak ye greet
Nae langer a quiet wee hamlet
Wi sma hoosies alang Main Street

Fit hiv they deen ti the village
Hooses thrown up here an there
The auld pairt still his tranquility
The rest is hard ti bear

Hae a waak up past the skweel
An ye’ll see fit I div mean
Aa the paths aroon Whitehills
Are nae langer ti be seen

The lang street fit’s Loirston Road
Wi it’s affshoot the “Hennie Raw”

His still a lot o hoosies
Fit are bonnie bricht an braw

Gyang wakkin doon the Main Street
Past the weel kent Cove Bay Hotel
The closer ye cam ti the shore
The air his aat tangy smell

Kids used ti be able ti sledge
Doon the brae an ower the brig
If they wir ti try iss nooadays
Some graves they wid hae ti dig

A bonnie freenly place wis Cove
Far ye eence stoppit for a blether
Wi muckle hoosin developments and sic
Fowk noo  at the eyn o their tether

Thoosans o hooses aa roon aboot

For fowk fa wark in Aiberdeen
Nae thocht for life’s quality
Fit aul “Covers” wid hae seen

Div the kids still play at the shore?
Div they waak on the parapets?
Div they swing on pulley ropes still?
Faar the fisher fowk hung their nets

Harry Gordon  he sang iss song
“Tak me back ti Cove”
If Harry wis here nooadays
He’d say na na by jove

Developers an planners are let loose
On villages fae Don ti the Tay
Can we stop iss mass invasion
O ither villages like Cove Bay

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2010