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Fit’s Aat Up Abeen?

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Jun 072013

By Bob Smith.

‘Fit’s aat up abeen?’, says I
Fin a spied an ususual sicht
A yalla orb in the sky
Shinin doon sae bricht

A hid tae rack ma memory
Tae think fit it micht be
It cam tae me sudden like
T’wis the sun fit a did see

It hid been a wee fylie
Since it showed its face
Hail, rain, win an caul
Wis fit we’ve hid tae face

So shine on richt merrily
Mr Sun ye cheer us aa up
An hae us steppin oot briskly
As tho we wis a young pup

Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013
Image: Orange Sunset © Zoran Tripalo Dreamstime Stock Photos

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Ode Tae The Tattie

Creative Writing, Opinion 3 Responses »

May 312013

By Bob Smith.

A makkin o tatties
Fresh fae the dreel
Wi a dollop o butter
It fair tastes richt weel

Duke o York or Kerr’s Pink
An wi earth they are barkit
They aa miles aheid
Than fae ony supermairket

Majestic or Golden Wonder
Micht gyang throwe the bree
Bit onything is far better
Than Maris Piper tae me

Fin they’re bein plunted
An in earth they are stuck
Myn the best fertiliser’s
A gweed pile o muck

So praise the humble tattie
It’s gweed an it’s cheap
An nourishes yer body
Like an affa fine neep

Jist myn fin yer buyin
Taste it dis maitter
Auld varieties are best
Nae eens fit cam later

Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013

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Man Or Moose?

Featured, Opinion, Satire and Humour 1 Response »

May 262013

By Bob Smith.

“Wee sleekit cow’rin tim’rous beastie
O what a panic’s in thy breastie”
So said Burns aboot a moose
Afore Eck Salmond wis in Bute Hoose
.
Trump is nae a happy chiel
Thinks “Wee Eck” a bliddy feel
Accusin the billie o tellin a porker
Tae yon affa brash New Yorker
.
The Donald he is gyaan tae court
The winfairm micht spile his resort
Claimin it breaches Human Richts
He’s takkin iss tae great hichts

Noo he’s tryin the olive brunch
Askin Eck tae gie peace a chunce
If the winfairm project wid ging awa
Aathing he’s sure it wid be braw
.
The latest fae iss bliddy chancer
Is win turbines they cause cancer
Unless the winfairm it is scrapped
His hotel’ll nae be unwrapped
.
Wull Eck be proven man or moose?
Maybe he’ll vacate Bute Hoose
Or wull he tell DT tae bugger aff
An nae tae be sae bliddy nyaff

Bob Smith”The Poetry Mannie” 2013

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Boxes, Boxes, Boxes

Creative Writing, Opinion 2 Responses »

May 092013

By Bob Smith.

Boxes, boxes, boxes
Is aa we nooadays see
The “darlins” o modern architects
Be it Aiberdeen or Torquay

Thingies like yon Rubik’s Cube
O a Uni Library biggin
Leukin like the pint his run
A think it’s bliddy mingin

Union Square, o michty me
It’s jist aa steel an gless
Oor toon’s in the hauns o Philistines
Creatin a maist affa mess

The city skyline is fair important
Says Aiberdeen mannie Eric Auld
Seen throwe his artistic ee
Marischal Square it leaves him cauld

Fowk noo are fair upset
At fit they see gyaan on
Aa in the guise o progress
In the toon twixt Dee an Don

“Progress is jist the exchange
O ae nuisance fer anither”
So wrote yon Havelock Ellis
Writer, Doctor an life giver

Boxes are fer storin things
Bit nae the human race
Stop biggins fit are jist bland
Dinna chynge oor city’s face

Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013
Image credit: Corporate Tree 2 © Andres Rodriguez | Dreamstime Stock Photos

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St Nicholas Hoose Folly

Aberdeen City, Creative Writing 4 Responses »

May 022013

By Bob Smith.

We’ve aa hid a leukie
At plans fer the “Civic Square”
Tae replace St Nicholas Hoose
Eence it’s aa laid bare
.
Bliddy stracht edged biggins
O the usual gless an steel
Nae flair fae the architects
The concocshuns o some feel
.
Iss is the wye tae go
We hear the planners bleat
Great innovative designs
As modernity we maun meet
.
Fit a load o bliddy crap
We hiv the chunce tae hae
A great open green space
Faar fowk can sit or play

Dinna bigg on the foons
O the concrete St Nic’s Hoose
Mak it intae a fine square
Lit yer imaginations loose
.
Open up the bonnie view
O the hoose o Provost Skene
Wi greenery jist aa aroon
Plunty space tae meet a freen
.
A place tae sit an see
The grandeur o Marischal College
An myn back tae it’s days
As a placie full o knowledge
.
Aiberdonians are fair fed up
O biggins nae bricht an jolly
Especially eens fit micht be ca’ed
The future St Nicholas Hoose folly

Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013

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Earth Day

Creative Writing, Environment No Responses »

Apr 262013

By Bob Smith.

A celebration o Earth Day
Wis jist held iss wikk
Tae try an save oor planet
Fit is a wee bit sick
.
Pollution an lan destruction
Is jist twa things we fear
Noo sum fowk are interested
Ithers think it aa sma beer
.
We’ve aa bin telt tae think
Progress ’tis man’s desire
Bit fit if progress isna gweed
An thingies git richt dire
.
The earth is far we aa live
The sustainer o aa life forms
Bit mair an mair we hear o
Massive floods an affa storms
.
Since the industrial revolution
Things hiv geen doonhill
The stairt o a great migration
Fae the country tae woollen mill
.
Toons sprung up aa ower the place
Industrialisation it wis the king
Spewin oot fae big lums
Pollution it wid bring

“Progress wis eence aaricht
It’s jist geen on ower lang”
Ogden Nash wrote the wirds
The mannie wisna wrang
.
Foo tae help oor planet
Fowk are aye askin iss
The answer is fair simple
The solution hard tae miss
.
First stop aa the pollution
Fae cars, planes an trucks
Nae usin up Earth’s resources
So’s fowk can mak faist bucks
.
Nae shite on the pavements
Nae litter near the roads
Nae buggerin up the habitats
O wild flooers an the toads
.
Pit a stop tae intensive fairmin
Usin neo-nicotinoids an pesticides
So the bees an ither insects
Still flee aboot oor countrysides
.
So tae celebrate beyond Earth Day
The human race his far tae ging
Tae save the flora an animals
An ither thingies fit nature brings

Memories O Aiberdeen Beach

Aberdeen City, Creative Writing, History No Responses »

Apr 182013

By Bob Smith.

kids-playing-on-aberdeen-beach-by-pete-thomson

I weel remember sunny days
Doon at aiberdeen beach
Fowk they were aa ower the place
As far as yer een cwid reach
.
There wis faithers in their bunnets
Wi’ troosers rolled up ti their knees
Mithers oot in their sunday best
Grunnies wrappit up agin the breeze
.
I myn the punch an judy shows
The sally army choir and band
Young fowk waakin airm in airm
As tho’ they war on the strand
.
Bairns lickin their ice cream
Or drinkin some lemonade
Bocht fae the inversnecky cafe
Or the washington on the esplanade
.
The inversnecky or the washington
War nae the only twa
faar you cwid buy ither things
Like candy floss or a rubber ba
.
If ye cwid fin a space
Ti sit doon on a rug
Oot wid come a picnic
Fae yer mither’s leather bug
.
Kites war flown up in the sky
Some wi bonnie paper tails
Sometimes een wid be let go
Fit brocht on affa wails

Then doon in past the carnival
Ti hae a shottie at hoop-la
Or maybe rollin the pennies
Wid win ye back een or twa
.
The dodgem cars i likit fine
The waltzers made ma queasy
At the various shootin galleries
My faither found winnin easy
.
I enjoyed the helter skelter
Faar ye slid doon on yer doup
Sometimes ye went aat faist
Yer hairt it gied a loup
.
There wis boxin booths as weel
Faar young chiels hid a few goes
At tacklin maybe a roon or twa
Wi lads fa were aul pros
.
Usually they nivver lasted lang
Bloody noses wis aa they got
But if they went the distance
A poond or so it wis their lot
.
At the end o a perfect day
Efter rinnin aboot on the sand
A pokie o chips wis jist fine
Wi a mealie puddin in yer hand
.
.
.
©Bob Smith 9/3/2009
Image Credit: Pete Thomson

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A Fitba Fans’ Survey

Creative Writing, Opinion, Sport No Responses »

Apr 122013

By Bob Smith.

A national survey o fitba fans
SFA authorities hiv cairry’t oot
Tae see fit fans are thinkin
Fit things fans wid gie the boot
.
Bigger leagues fans div wint
Iss een is tap o their list
Yet the money men in fitba
Say iss idea his nae grist
.
Ae bodie tae rin Scottish fitba
Iss thocht it fair his merit
Lit’s aa hope the heid yins
Aboot iss idea they aa git it
.
Kick aff times they gyang back
Tae 3pm on a Setterday
Nae spread ower the wikk
Jist so’s TV can hae their say
.
The season tae bide the wye it is
Fae August throwe tae May
In Simmer time fowk dee ither things
Than watch their favourites play
.
The cost tae watch a gemme
Shud noo cum doon in price
Iss een the powers aat be
Maun listen tae fans’ advice
.
Fowk dinna wint 12-12-18 leagues
Wi aa its different splits
A plan drawn up bi eejits
Wi a help fae ither gits

Fans they are the lifeblood
O the gemme it’s fer sure
Yet TV companies they dictate
Tae satisfy the fireside viewer
.
A’m auld aneuch tae myn
Fitba afore the ‘ear o ’75
Fin fans hid a bigger league
Gemme’s feenish’t at quarter tae five
.
Fit’s the eese o haen a survey
If fowk’s wishes they dinna heed
A’m feart it’s aa doon tae money
An nae fit puir fans need
.
Bit a wee warnin tae the SFA
An tae chairmen in SPL and SFL
Ignore fans wishes at yer peril
An be telt tae gyang tae hell
.
The fans hiv clearly shown
They think fitba’s in a state
If thingies dinna chynge a’m feart
They’ll nae langer cum throwe the gate
.
A fitba match withoot ony fans
Wid be like Wallace withoot Gromit
An verra seen the gemme wid dee
An T.V. companies wid then hop it
.
So fowks in chairge o oor game
Afore Scottish fitba it git’s lost
Bring in a bigger league noo
An reduce the bliddy cost

Second Hames

Aberdeenshire, Creative Writing No Responses »

Apr 052013

By Bob Smith.

http://www.dreamstime.com/stock-image-village-house-sale-image24557191

A problem in rural Scotia
The scourge o modern day
Fan fowk faa hiv the money
Buy second hooses faar tae stay
.
Noo some young eens in the kwintraside
Leave skweel an wint tae bide
An gyaang tae wark near tae hame
Be it Skite or Deveronside
.
Bonnie hooses in rural villages
Snappit up bi fowk fae toons
Tae spend a wikk eyn or holidays
Oot-buyin local quines an loons
.
Holiday hames they are ca’ed
Faar ainers dinna bide at aa
Bit rint them oot tae tourists
Is iss nae bliddy eese ava

The young eens are the future
O the wee villages an toons
They’re haein tae leave the area
Cos o “second hame” bliddy goons
.
A hoose can be left empty
Fer wikks upon a time
Only bidden in noo an agin
Jist unused steen an lime
.
Holiday hames help oot tourism
Some fowk they div decree
Bit withoot a local population
The villages wull seen dee
.
.
.
.
© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013

A Big Tint

Aberdeenshire, Creative Writing No Responses »

Mar 282013

By Bob Smith.

Trumpie a see, wints tae hae a marquee
Plunkit richt in the middle o Menie
Haudin waddins an sic, fer ony rich prick
Fit am sure wull cost a fair penny

A marquee’s jist a name, fer a big tint on a frame
Far monied fowk can spik tae their pallies
Wull Trump be mine host, as pigs they div roast
An doon champers in a couple o swallies

Fae tap o marquee, flags ye micht see
Blawin stracht oot in the win
As sum drunken plunkers, faa intae the bunkers
Iss thocht it fair maks me grin

Nae doot Trump wull say, in his loodest bray
It’s the “Greatest Marquee in the Warld”
Fer the openin evint, invites wull be sint
As the Trump flags are infurled

Nae invite ye’ll see, tae the likes o me
Onywye a wid hae tae refuse
Local press wull be keen, tae mak sure they’re seen
So’s they hae the odd gin as they newse

As fowk dee a jig, fin samplin the pig
An lood music ower the dunes it is blarin
Wull oor boys in blue, stop the hullaballoo
Or micht they Trump badges be wearin

Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013

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