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Bairnheid Memories

Aberdeenshire, Creative Writing, Environment No Responses »

Aug 152013

By Bob Smith.

Sunshine floodin throwe the windas
Fillin rooms wi its golden glow
Memories o the fairmhoose kitchen
Ma mither workin tae and fro’
Birdsong burstin fae the hedges
Cocks crowin at the open doors
Yet peace an quairt wis aa aroon
As wi wint aboot oor chores
Faint ripplin fae the dam weir
As its watters spill’t intae the burn
The Ord jined wi the Leuchar
Alang its banks I kent each turn
A still can smell the new mown hey
An surroonded bi the clover
A lay and listen’t tae the laverock
As heich abeen me it did hover
Stirks’ breath in November frosts
Content in the coort they stey
Jist slowly stirrin fae their rest
Fin aetin their neeps and hey
Collies barkin at the merest soond
Their alert sinses at the ready
Thae sentinels faa kept ye safe
Faa’s devotion wis ayewis steady

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013
Image: Hay Stacks© Taseret | Dreamstime Stock Photos
http://www.dreamstime.com/hay-stacks-free-stock-image-imagefree206796

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Cry Ma Beloved Scotland

Creative Writing, Opinion 1 Response »

Aug 092013

By Bob Smith.

Cry ma beloved Scotland
Greet at wir foolish wyes
Ye tak aboard wir excuses
An listen ti aa wir lies
.
Ye hiv an embracin beauty
An we listen tae yer wails
Yet we sacrifice yer landscapes
Tae satisfy business holy grails
.
In yer mountain an yer moorland
There is a majesty unsurpassed
Yet winfairms an great motorwyes
Are creepin ower ye fast

In yer hills an glens we marvel
At nature’s fecht ti survive
Ower muckle fowk on yer pathways
Ower hillside tracks they can drive
.
Cry again my beloved Scotland
Greet eence mair at wir foolish wyes
Ye try tae mend the destruction
As ye let oot some mournfu cries
.
There’s fowk as wid help ye
An stop the folly aat’s aroon
We need aa ti be richt brave
As some wid ding us doon

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013

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A Bum Rap

Aberdeenshire, Creative Writing No Responses »

Aug 012013

By Bob Smith.

Colin Murray fae the BBC
Meenshun’t Jessica Ennis’s bum
He’s accused o bein sexist
Iss is nae a bittie rum

Noo Jessica’s erse IS perfect
So why nae state iss fact
Seems puir Colin shud hae used
Jist a little bittie mair tact

Fit’s the warld noo cumin tae?
Ye’ve tae watch yer “p’s an q’s”
Ye mak a wee daft remark
On yer heid is heaped abuse

PC his geen ower the score?
Maybe bum’s noo classed as lewd
So ma remark aboot her erse
Micht weel be thocht as crude

A dinna think we shud be
Rude aboot fowk’s lukes
Bit fer praisin Jessica’s backside
Seems puir Colin Murray sooks

Awa aa ye fun destroyers
Ye crabbit bunch o tubes
A gweed job he didna meenshun
Onything aboot Jessica’s boobs

A hear the howls o protest
Classed anither sexist chap
Nivver myn a’m auld aneuch
Tae fend aff ony bum rap

Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013
Image: Wikimedia Commons

Comrade Cooncil

Aberdeenshire, Creative Writing, Opinion 1 Response »

Jul 262013

By Bob Smith.

Martin Ford wis teen ower the coals
Fer spikkin tae yon Panorama
Seems the chiel’s opinion fae
Cooncil offices canna be on camera

The stushie fae the ‘shire cooncil
Tae North Koreawis mair suited
Wull aa future cooncil policy
Tae Kim Jong-Un be re-routed

A thocht we bade in a democracy
An war alood tae say yer bit
Cooncillor Ford gied his opinion
An some cooncillors hid a fit

His Trumpie got sic a grip?
Are cooncillors jist Trumpie goons?
Feart tae challenge The Donald
On onything tae dee wi dunes

A nivver thocht a’d see the day
Growen fowk aa rinnin scared
Fae a mannie full o bluster
Like the Menie Yankee laird

Lit’s curse aa coordly vratches
Lit them hang their heids in shame
They’ve selt fowk doon the river
As they play “King” Donald’s game

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Taboo Or Nae Taboo? Aat is the Question

Creative Writing, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Jul 182013

By Bob Smith.

Eck Salmond he is maist upset
Wi the fowk at Muirfield links
He’s nae gyaan tae The Open
Membership policy he feels stinks

Fer ‘ears an ‘ears iss golf club
An aboot iss they’re nae kiddin
Throwe the portals o the clubhoose
The fair sex they are forbidden

Is wee Eck noo a feminist
Or is’t jist a publicity stunt
Tae get aa the weemin’s votes
As independence he dis punt

Noo masel I hiv iss view
Golf clubs policy it shud be
Fer baith sexes tae jine up
An nae jist on the tee

Bit Muirfield is a private club
So his a richt its ain rules tae mak
If it wints jist mannies only
We’ll jist hae tae cut some slack

Maybe they’ve the richt idea
Fin aboot their game they’re braggin
Enjoyin the odd gin or twa
Free fae bliddy wifie’s naggin

Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013
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The Donald v The Sweeney

Aberdeenshire, Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Jul 122013

By Bob Smith.

The Donald wis on Panorama
Spikkin tae BBC’s John Sweeney
Aboot aa the gyaans on
At his placie ower at Menie
.
The Sweeney hints tae Mr Trump
6000 jobs hinna cum tae fruition
The Trumpie lot war fair pit oot
An treated aa iss wi derision
.
Donald roared – Git rid o aat hoose
Tae the “P&J” editor’s wife
Says she it micht cause a stir
An reap ye lots o strife
.
Faa cares the mannie gabbit
A sure can dee fit a wint
It’s on ma lan quoth Donald
Tae the puir dementit bint
.
The hoose belangs tae David Milne
A chiel Trump disna much like
Bit David stuck twa fingers up
An said Trumpie tak a hike

A billie fae the Royal Toon Plannin
Thocht Trumpie’s case it wis unique
In aa his ‘ears in the plannin game
He’d seen nithing tae cause sic pique
.
Oor First Minister an The Donald
War eence on spikkin terms
They’ve hid a bit o a faa oot
Ower the plans aboot winfairms
.
Trump wis qizzed aboot his dealins
Wi a mannie fae the Mafia mob
Syne he up’s an leaves the interview
Hintin The Sweeney didna ken his job
.
Noo in the pages o “P&J” we read
Business pallies tae his rescue hiv rode
Eence mair tryin tae kid us aa
In the Nor’east the mannie is loed.
.
Birds o a feather flock tigither
A mynd aboot iss auld sayin
Bit maist o us chiels ken they’re aa feels
Faa dunce tae the tune Trumpie’s playin

Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013
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IKEAaaargh!!!

Creative Writing, Opinion 6 Responses »

Jul 052013

By Bob Smith.

Bring IKEA tae Aiberdeen Campaign
Is aneuch tae mak me splutter
Anither bliddy multi national
Causin local shops tae stutter
.
Ye cwidna ca me a racist
A’ve nae problem wi the Swedes
Bit wi’ve plunty local shoppies
Tae cater fer furnishin needs
.
There’s Anderson’s o Inverurie
Sainsbury & Sons doon Holburn wye
An Celebrations oot in Turra toon
Berrys o Oldmeldrum weel worth a try

Noo the profit made bi IKEA
Eichty per cint wull disappear
Oot o the local economy
Awa back tae Sweden a fear
.
Bring IKEA tae Aiberdeen campaign
We can dee withoot iss fine
IKEA tak aa yer flatpacks
Stick em “faar the sun disna shine”
.
Lit’s hear it fer local shoppies
Lang may their like we see
They support the local economy
So fae IKEA lit’s aye bi free.

Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013
Image credit: Gadjo Cardenas Sevilla

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Betty At The Picters

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Jun 282013

By Bob Smith.

Noo Betty likit the picters
She geed there ivvery wikk
Ti musicals like The King and I
Or great epics like Moby Dick
.
Jist ony film it wid dee
War films wi yon Alan Ladd
She swooned aboot romantic eens
Aiven some aat made her sad
.
She hid her favourite film stars
Like Cary Grant or Clark Gable
She drimt she micht be a duncer
Swak as Cyd Charisse or Betty Grable
.
Swashbucklin movies wi lots o fechtin
Wi Burt Lancaster or Errol Flynn
Or films aat featured animals
Sic as Lassie or Rin Tin Tin
.
She wisna aat fond o gangster eens
Starrin Cagney, Bogart or Herbert Lom
Yet the titles o aa iss kin o picter
She reeled aff wi some aplomb

She laached at cartoons by Walt Disney
Mickey Moose or yon Donald Duck
Enjoyed films aat wir a bit historical
Aboot Robin Hood an Friar Tuck
.
Horror eens made her affa feart
O Boris Karloff an Vincent Price
Picters like The Mummy’s Hand
She thocht nae verra nice
.
Cowboys and Indians she lappit up
Wi Gary Cooper an Big John Wayne
She even likit western musicals
Far Doris Day wis Calamity Jane
.
Best o aa she adored the classics
Oliver Twist an o coorse Jane Eyre
An eens in a wee bit lichter mood
Like Pickwick Papers an Vanity Fair
.
Noo Betty she’s fair growein aul
Some picter hooses they’re nae mair
Bit Betty myns fine o the nichts
Fin gyaan ti the picters wis jist rare

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Bliddy Hypocrites

Creative Writing, Opinion Comments Off

Jun 212013

By Bob Smith.

The”P&J” wis ask’t tae leave
A debate aboot eddicashun
They took iss aa tae hairt
As a slur on Press reputashun

A maun agree with the paper’s view
An they shudna hae bin chucked oot
Bit they’re bein a bittie hypocritical
Fin ither facts they’ve gien the boot

“Iss wis a maitter o public interest
An the pros an cons needed airin”
So says their ain opinion column
Yet TUT views they’re nae fer blarin

Cast yer myn back a fyow ‘ear ago
In the paper TUT cwid nae be vocal
Cos accordin tae the “P&J” editor
The organisation it wisna local

Noo is his bin since proved
Tae be a richt heap o shite
There’s lots o local fowkies
Faa in TUT took up the fight

A wid say in the public interest
Tripping Up Trump maun be heard
Their pros an cons aboot Trumpie
Wi aabody shud be shared

So cum aa ye “P&J” hypocrites
It’s time tae pit things richt
An owerturn iss stupid ban
So TUT views see the licht

Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013

A Tainted Olive Brunch

Creative Writing, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Jun 142013

By Bob Smith.

Trumpie’s jaws are in overdrive
Sayin the economy o Aiberdeen
Is aa doon tae him biggin
The greatest gowf course ivver seen
.
Gweed sakes fit an affa chiel
As a blaw he’ll nivver be beat
Expectin aa the fowk listenin
Tae drap doon an kiss his feet
.
A wunner fit thrivin business fowk
Think o aa Trumpie’s blether
Some must be teerin their hair
Ithers near the eyn o their tether
.
Trump ignores the efforts o
The billies livin in oor toon
Faa biggit up oor economy
Lang afore iss bliddy goon
.
Trump his got a new award
Fae sum American Academy
Fit ye shud a ken is iss
The Donald’s a main trustee
.
The chiel is off’rin an olive brunch
Tae Wee Eck as a token o peace
Iss symbol it is lang derived
Fae the customs o Ancient Greece

Iss offer his git strings attached
The bay windfairm it maun go
Else Trump’ll nae bigg his hotel
An hoose biggin wull be slow
.
Tae be pals eence again
Trump maun git his ain wye
The SNP billies are expectit
Tae eat bliddy humble pie
|
Wull Eck stretch oot his airms
Sayin, “Donald, lit’s hae a cuddle
A’ll move the turbines far awa
An sort oot iss affa muddle”
.
Wee Eck micht be mony things
Bit he’s nae aat bliddy daft
He kens he’d lose mony votes
As independence he tries tae craft
.
So Donald yer in a quandry
Tae bigg or nae tae bigg
Fitivver ye decide tae dee
Ye’ll aye be thocht a prig
.
.
.
.
Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013

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