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Lament Fer Wingers

Creative Writing, Opinion, Sport 2 Responses »

Jun 272014

By Bob Smith.

Gie me a winger
fa dunced doon the wing
Gie me a player
like Clyde’s Tommy Ring
.
Gie me a winger
like dons Jackie Hather
fa’s speed an shot
hid richt backs in a lather
.
Gie me a winger
like peerless Tom Finney
Ti see him in action
a’d hae pyed a guinea
.
Gie me a winger
like Billy Liddell
Aa English full backs
Played second fiddle
.
Gie me a winger
like Tommy Pearson
His double shuffle
bamboozled ‘Gers Derek Grierson
.
Gie me a winger
like thon spaniard Gento
His trickery wis aye
A special momento
.
Gie me a winger
like Billy Bingham
Crosses inti the box
es chiel cwid fling ‘em
.
Gie me a winger
like oor Graham Leggat
‘Ere’s a puckle o backs
he maan hae “fleggit”
.
Gie me a winger
like ‘Gers Willie Waddell
His artistry an skill
hid players in a fankle

Gie me a winger
like Celtic’s Wee Jinky
He wint roon a back
wi meevement fair dinky
.
Gie me a winger
fae Hibs’ “Famous Five”
Like yon Gordon Smith
fa brocht the game alive
.
Gie me a winger
like Spurs’ Cliff Jones
He sped by a player
ti opposition fans’ groans
.
Gie me a winger
like the maestro Sir Stan
At Blackpool an Stoke
He wis the top man
.
Gie me a winger
like Jimmy Delaney
He waltzed doon the wing
as he beat Johnny Carey
.
Gie me a winger
fa pit in a gweed cross
Like Pars’ Alex Edwards
He showed fa wis boss
.
Gie me a winger
fa took on a full back
Like Wee Wullie Henderson
fa hid aat auld knack
.
Gie me a winger
the best o ‘em aa
wis brazil’s garrincha
fa wis affa sma
.
Lament fer wingers
‘ere a deein breed
as doon the wing
they flew wi great speed

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Lit Loose Yer Imagination

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Jun 202014

By Bob Smith.

Faar his imagination gin
We hid it as a loon or quine
The ability to see things differently
As on fantasy oor myns wid dine

The winner in a young een’s face
Fin they listened ti a tale
As adults we’re far less creative
Oor myns hiv aa gin stale

Lie back an close yer een
An lit yer myn gyang free
Syne conjure up some images
O placies ye’d like ti be

Imagination can tak ye onywye
Ti Africa or maybe the Orient
Or aroon the Scottish Highlands
An ti Paris syne on ti Ghent

We need ti free oorsels o
The shite oor myns are fed
By the TV an ither media
As oor imagination it is bled

Lit loose yer imagination
Gie yer myn’s ee its release
Try an let it float awa
Ti a placie o distant peace

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
Image: http://pixabay.com/en/innovation-invention-boy-idea-151833/
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Fat An Adee

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Jun 132014

By Bob Smith.

A loon is noo wy’in in
15 steen is his wecht
At the age o eleeven
Wi obesity is haen a fecht
.
Some fowk they are ca’en fer
Ma an Da ti be teen in han
Chairged wi child neglect
An as parents shud be banned
.
Noo ere’s na doot ava
His wecht is ower the tap
Bit is it the loon’s fowks
Fa shud be takkin the rap?
.
Did they neglect ti tell him
Faist food cwid be ti blame?
Or did they pile his plate
Fan the loon he aet at hame?
.
Bit chairgin ‘em wi neglect
Aat’s takkin things ower far
Jist supply him wi a bicycle
Ban him fae usin bus an car

Noo a hiv ma ain theory
Aboot foo the loon’s aat size
Maybe ower muckle burgers
Tapp’t aff wi some French fries
.
It cwid o coorse aa bi doon
Ti a faulty faimily gene
Far the loon he his a likin
Fer jam tarts an clottit cream
.
A hope fer the laddie’s sake
He manages ti lose wecht
An his parents dinna hiv ti
Tak on lawyers in a fecht
.
The nanny state is on the mairch
Fit next wull they rail agin?
Maybe fat fowk ha’en sex
Cos they’re causin an affa din?
.
We cwid maybe aa bi dee’in
Wi losin poonds roon the middle
If mannies canna see their willie
Fin they gyaang ti hae a piddle

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
Photo: Christian Cable/Creative Commons
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Weemin Votin’ No

Creative Writing, Opinion 6 Responses »

Jun 062014

By Bob Smith.

In the independence referendum
Maist weemin micht vote no
They think SNP directives
Are nae the wye ti go

A poll it wis cairry’t oot
Independence 64% dinna like
Is es a wye o sayin
SNP jist tak a hike

Es o coorse begs the question
Fit wye micht they vote no?
Div some see Alex Salmond
As a smarmy so an so?

Maist weemin it wid seem
Are listenin ti their heid
An refuse ti lit their hairt
Cause their soul ti bleed

Es maan be a problem
For Alex an his cohorts
Are thochts o independence
Noo a wee bit oot o sorts?

A fyow months later on
Votes wull be aa revealin
Bit dis es latest poll
Sen independence chunces reelin?

Fitivver its oor luck ti be
In the UK or maybe nae
The vote o Scotland’s weemin fowk
Micht haud a wee bit sway

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
Image: http://pixabay.com/en/woman-girl-female
Thumbnail: http://pixabay.com/en/girl-woman

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Waves

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

May 302014

By Bob Smith.

We wanner’t doon ti the beach
‘Twis jist the ither day
Waves they cam rollin in
An gulls war aat their play
.
Waves they are aa different
Some saftly lap the shore
Ither eens cum rushin in
Wi a crash an affa roar
.
Lis’nin ti the waves some say
Is a pastime aat is fine
Waves slowly creepin ower the sand
Can calm a troubl’t myn
.
Canute fair grew tired o flattery
Fowk said the sea he cwid command
The king set oot ti prove ‘em wrang
An pit his throne amang the sand
.
Gyaang back the mannie roared
Bit the sea kept rollin in
Canute he proved ye canna rule
The sea or waves therein

Wis aat a pirate ship a spied?
A fyow leagues fae the beach
Wis’t Jack Sparra at the helm
Or yon Blackbeard Edward Teach?
.
Pirates o The Caribbean
His a swashbucklin touch
The Pirates o Nigg Bay
Na – maybe nae sae much
.
A hidna bin at the bottle
Or puffin on “the weed”
Wis the skull an crossbones
On it’s wye ti Peterheid?
.
Crashin waves they brocht me back
An ti reality a took a tig
‘Twis ony a ile supply boatie
On it’s wye oot ti a rig
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014

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Et Tu Willie

Creative Writing, Satire and Humour No Responses »

May 162014

By Bob Smith.

Puir Barney he’s bin crockett
Fair stabbit in the back
Jist like yon Julius Caesar
Bi fowk fae his ain pack

“Et tu Willie” did Barney gasp?
Yer a worthless cheatin w-nk-r
Nae ony better than
A City o London banker

Seems they plottit his doonfa
Fin the chiel wis in The States
Jist shows fit fowk can dee
E’en tho ye thocht ‘em mates

A new leader o the Cooncil
Her name ‘tis Jenny Laing
Foo lang wull es quine laist
Afore back stabbin stairts again

Bit fa supplied the dagger
Aat in Barney’s back wis stuck?
It cwid hae bin ony Labourite
Fa wi Barney hid nae truck

If ony lessons can be learn’t
So future leaders can safe be
Is nae ti ging on a swanny
In yon “Land O The Free”

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
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Trumpie’s Crawlin Back

Creative Writing, Opinion 1 Response »

May 162014

By Bob Smith.

The Donald’s bocht a golf resort
Doon on the Ayrshire coast
A’ll get ti host The Open
Wull noo be his prood boast
.
Thirty Five million he did spen
He got Turnberry fer a snip
Es o coorse micht mean
Interest in Menie taks a dip
.
Jist cast yer myn back
Fin winfairms he did detest
The mannie made a vow
In Scotland he’d nae mair invest
.
Fit ti mak o ess U-turn
As he cums crawlin back
Bein economical wi the truth
The chiel still his the knack
.
Hud on a wee meenitie tho’
It micht nae be plain sailin
The spectre o affshore winfairms
Cwid yet hae Trumpie wailin
.
Marine Scotland it his reported
Aboot a site jist oot at sea
Far ye cwid plunk win turbines
They’d be richt in Donald’s ee

Fergus Ewing says ess plans
Fer noo are aff the radar
Yet fair refused ti rule oot
Returnin ti them later
.
If a winfairm cam ti pass
Wid The Donald then renege?
Or wid he maybe in a rage
Blaw up yon Ailsa Craig
.
At Doonbeg he’d ti stop some wark
Did he nae hae richt permission?
He can tho’ noo gyaang aheid
Maybe efter a new submission?
.
Micht Donald hae fresh concerns
A snail in Ireland is protectit
Bi speecial environmental laws
An ess canna be correctit
.
Trump says he’s gyaan ti wark
Wi environmentalists an sic fowk
If he’d deen aat ower in Menie
He micht nae bin classed a gowk
.
Noo ere’s nae doot the mannie
Oot the news he winna bide
Wull we next aa be hearin
The bugger’s bocht the River Clyde

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
Image Credit: © Mark Rasmussen | Dreamstime.com …. 3 windmills
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Fa’s “Kohle”-in The Tune

Creative Writing, Opinion 6 Responses »

May 012014

By Bob Smith.

A weel aff mannie ca’ed Kohle
Stairtit a row maist unholy
Jist move aa yer boats
An pit ‘em on floats
An tak ‘em awa ti a storie
.
Ess chiel his decreed
His letters fowk heed
Dinna dee fit he wints
Wull the bugger charge rints?
As access ti shore he dis need
.
Fisher fowk fae Cove Bay
View aa ess wi dismay
They’ll kick up a stoor
Agin ess bliddy boor
His gemme they’re nae gyaan ti play
.
Auld Jock Ritchie fae Cove
Micht hae said noo by jove
“Wi canna hae ess,
Yer jist takkin the piss
An ma boatie a’m nae gyaan ti move”

Is Mr Kohle in transition
O destroyin a tradition
Fishers aye used the shore
Their gear fer ti store
Are they tae bow in submission
.
Ma wife is Cove bred
An ess maan be said
Fin she heard o Kohle’s scheme
Oot her lugs cam the steam
Sayin Cove culture’s noo dead
.
Cove fowk are fair wishin
We aa sign their petition
Ti show Prahlad Kohle
His ideas they are folly
An tae keep the fishin tradition
.
Use yer moose or yer pen
An a’m sure ye aa ken
The fisher fowk o Cove Bay
They shud hae their day
Ess message ti Kohle we sen

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
Image Credit: Boats on the shore at Cove Bay by Ewen Adam.
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Nae Trust In Politishuns

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Apr 252014

By Bob Smith.

Trust in oor politishuns
Is noo a bittie low
Self servin leein buggers
Is fit some polls div show

Even in auld Scotia
Ess thocht is jist as bad
Some fowk o aa ages
Think Salmond a “Jack-the-lad”

Noo Eck’s a superb orator
As politishun nae sae gweed
Coortin yon Rupert Murdoch
So’s SNP’s thochts he wull us feed

It’s nae fer the first time
“Wee Eck” his bin accused
O haen some secret meetins
An his poseeshun he’s abused

Some say he uses bluster
In Parlimint at Holyrood
Instead o answerin a question
Aboot the asker he’s fair rude

A freen o myn the ither day
His opeenion he did gie
Aboot politishuns in oor kwintra
He wisna complimentary

“Wee Eck” he thocht average
Nicola Sturgeon wis nae eese
Johann Lamont she wis useless
Aboot Ruth Davidson jist said Jeez

A’m nae a political animal
Een’s as bad’s the ither
Bi they fer independence
Or fer “Better Tigither”

Fin it cams ti September
Wull it bi hairt or heid?
Wull it cum doon ti believin
Fitivver shite they us feed?

So fit wye wull I vote
Wull it bi aye or no?
A dinna believe ony bugger
A’ll jist bide wi the status quo

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie”2014
Image: The Houses of Parliament, seen across Westminster Bridge.
Released into the public domain by Adrian Pingstone.

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Limericks an Gibberish [Pairt 2]

Creative Writing, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Apr 182014

Aberdeen Voice’s ‘poetry mannie in residence’ Bob Smith revisits the land of Lear and returns with more topical limericks.

There is a mannie ca’ed Trump
Fa is a maist affa grump
Fin nae gettin his ain wye
Wid lit oot ess cry
Menie a micht hae ti dump
.
There is a chiel named Tucker
Ti some he wis a richt f- -ker
Ti “The Donald” aywis fawnin
Fin the Trump era wis dawnin
Some fowk he played fer a sucker
.
A lad doon in Glesga ca’ed Ally
His team wisna able ti rally
The Gers hidna a clue
Their fans war fair “blue”
Raith Rovers war haen a ball eh?
.
There wis a young loon ca’ed May
Fer St Johnstone he won the day
Aiberdeen fans were pissed
Fin chunces war missed
Nae Cup Final fer Dandies in May
.
There is a mannie fae Muse
Fa tries ti mak us swally a ruse
“Fowks views we did heed
Bit gless biggins we need
Gweed views ye’ll jist hae ti lose”
.
Scotland’s First Meenister “Wee Eck”
Micht he hae the poond or the maik
Wull “big business” pull oot
An doon ti England fair scoot
Leavin Scotia’s economy a wreck
.
There is an MP ca’ed Miller
Fa didna pye back a the siller
She bint a fyow rules
Took us aa fer richt fules
Her hans nae langer on tiller
.
There is a chiel Davie Moyes
Fa tried oot aa o his ploys
Yet Man Utd got beat
Fans stairtit ti bleat
An oot their prams cam the toys
.
There wis young fella named Leigh
Fa plays fitba fer Celtic FC.
Is Griffiths jist a daft loon
Wi nithing unner his croon?
Or a dyed in the wool racist “b”?
.
A politican mannie Farage
On TV he fair wis in charge
Nick Clegg wis ootfocht
As mair votes he socht
Wull UKIP noo mount a barrage

There is a leader named Putin
In Crimea he fair pit the boot in
Maist fowk in Ukraine
Think the bugger a pain
Hopin aat’s the eyn o the shootin
.
There is a Prime Meenister Cameron
In Hooses o Parlimint is aye yammerin
We’re aa in it thegither
Like sister an brither
Hame ess message he is noo hammerin
.
There is a chiel named Pistorius
In Sooth Africa his life’s nae harmonious
In sheetin his quine
Wis he oot o his myn
Wis the relationship a bit acrimonious
.
There wis a quine named Peaches
Eence hid trouble wi media leeches
Noo the puir quine is deid
Wull the “vultures” noo feed
Aboot society fit dis ess teach us
.
There wis a mannie John Muir
Throwe America he likit ti tour
Some progress he thocht blind
Hurtin mair than mankind
Some criticism he hid ti endure
.
Lord Myners a chief fae the Co-opie
His reforms some thocht a bit ropey
He resigned on the spot
Sayin aat’s noo yer lot
The power struggle it is a bit dopey
.
There is a young prince ca’ed Dod
Fa’s the latest royalty bod
Some wifies wint aa gooey
Prince Dod thocht—a phooey
A’m a fartin an riftin wee sod
.
There wis a rhymer ca’ed Burns
His love life it took a fyow turns
Mony lasses he lo’ed
He stood oot in a crood
Did aat plooman poet Rabbie Burns
.
There wis an auld chiel ca’ed Bob
Writin poetry fer AV wis his job
Some thocht it wis great
Yet ithers fair got irate
As “grenades” he sometimes did lob.
.
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014

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