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Christmas Is Music Ti Ma Lugs

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Nov 282014

By Bob Smith.

Christmas means a lot o things
Ti some it is present buyin
Ti ither fowk a time o hope
Ti the lonely it can bi tryin

“Gweed King Wenceslas leuk’t oot”
An aa the malls war heavin
Fowk rinnin aboot like reid ersed bees
Fae bank balances cash wis leavin

Christmas time I like it fine
If aa ignore the retail farce
Fin some drink ower the score
An lan up on their arse

Christmas means bonnie music
Na nae the ringin o the tills
Bit brass bands an joyfu singin
As choirs show aff their skills

On the wireless tunes are played
Ti ma lugs es brings great joy
They bring oot aa the classics
A’ve kent sin a wis a boy

Christmas shud be a time o peace
As wi leuk up ti the stars
If onybody’s up ‘ere leukin doon
Aa they’ll see is bliddy wars

An yet in the midst o the Great War
Ae Christmas ‘ere wis brief respite
Fin Tommies an Jerries played fitba
An baith sides sang “Silent Night”

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
Picture Credit: Ian Britton. Freefoto.com
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Come Freenly Seagulls

Creative Writing, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Nov 212014

By Bob Smith.

Come freenly seagulls shite on heids
O fowk fa did some affa deeds
Saying gless boxes full oor needs
Shite on them aa
.
On fat cats fa are fair lax
On peyin their full whack o tax
An affshore accoonts use ti the max
Shite on them aa
.
Binge drinkers fa blight oor toon
An on oor streets they div fa doon
At wikk-eyns some like ti moon
Shite on them aa
.
Aulder weemin wi peroxide hair
Tho roots are showin they dinna care
Growein auld they fin hard ti bare
Shite on them aa
.
Bad drivers leave their abodes
Unleashed upon oor city roads
A danger ti cyclists and wee toads
Shite on them aa

Developers fa wee boxes bigg
Be it Portlethen or near NiggAboot the kwintraside dinna gie a fig
Shite on them aa
.
Some cooncillors an some MSPs
Fa tell us aa sic bliddy lees
Bring them doon upon their knees
Shite on them aa
.
Fowk fa bide in Rubislaw Den
Foo the poor live they dinna ken
An dinna forget the money men
Shite on them aa
.
Come ye freenly seagulls flee
Ower the toon twixt Don an Dee
Ony modern architects ye div see
Shite on them aa
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014

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[Aberdeen Voice accepts and welcomes contributions from all sides/angles pertaining to any issue. Views and opinions expressed in any article are entirely those of the writer/contributor, and inclusion in our publication does not constitute support or endorsement of these by Aberdeen Voice as an organisation or any of its team members.]

Bi Gled O The Rain

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Nov 142014

By Bob Smith.

A hiv noo ti confess masel’
A’ve cursed fin it dis rain
Canna git on the gowf course
Greens flooded eence again

Bit hae a wee bit think fowks
If we didna hae the rain
Kwintraside aa leukin gizzent
Baith here an in Dunblane

Nae watter rinnin doon the hills
An inti oor rivers tumblin
The fairmers tryin ti growe craps
Wid fair hae cause fer grumblin

Nae greenery in hills or glens
Trees stuntit in their growth
Nae watter ti the distilleries
Noo aat wid raise an oath

Fin yer plowt’rin throwe the dubs
An aa the rainfa it is measur’t
Jist myn withoot the rain
We’d be like the Gobi desert

Gweed Lord lit the rain doon faa
On golden locks an baldy heids
Ca cannie wi hivvens’s watterin can
Jist aneuch fer aa oor needs.

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2012
Image Credit: SKY MOUNTAIN 1 © Alexandru Mitrea | Dreamstime.com

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Fair Booled Ower

Creative Writing, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Nov 072014

By Bob Smith.

On a weel kent street in Aiberdeen
T’wis the nicht o yon Halloween
A fyow chiels dressed as skittles
War oot fer fun, booze an vittles

Doon on Belmont Street they war
Fin they cam upon a bobbie’s car
The loons they did staan their grun
An syne began aa the fun

The boys in blue in their car
Did a gweed job fer polis PR
The car becam the ten pin ba
The “skittles” aa pretendit ti fa

The video o es it wint fair viral
Wi loons bunk balances set ti spiral
A Yankee firm video richts hiv bocht
As mair “hits” on es is socht

Fit next fer the chiels next Halloween
Fin they tak ti the streets o Aiberdeen
They cwid aye dress up as Donald Trumps
Wid the bobbies dare ti “hit” their rumps?

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
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Windfairms (Wi Apologies Ti Wullie Wordsworth)

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Oct 312014

By Bob Smith.

A wanner’t lonely as a clood
A stravaig’t throwe hills an pines
Fin aa at eence a saw aroond
A host o bliddy win’ turbines
Abeen the loch reachin ti the sky
Their massive blades a did espy

Conteenyus as the stars aat shine
They sproot on the taps o hills
Streechin in an nivver eynin line
We’re telt they’ll cure oor energy ills
Meybe nae ten thoosan at a gleck
As alang ma waak a did trek

The waves in loch aside me dunced
As turbine blades they did turn
A swore, a shook, a fairly prunced
An a near fell in a burn
A gazed an gazed in sombre stare
As whirlin blades they rent the air

Aft fin on ma cooch a lie
In vacant or in turmoil mood
There flashes in ma myn’s eye
An image a see fit’s nae good
An syne ma hairt wi anger fills
As a see crockaneetion on the hills

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 28/10/2014
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A Hinna Got Time (So Fowk Say)

Creative Writing, Opinion 1 Response »

Oct 242014

By Bob Smith.

A’m fleein aroon fae a ti b
Placies ti visit, things ti dee
If a canna git ‘ere quick bi car
A’ll gyang on a plane fin it’s ower far

Bring up ma bairns! Tak them ti the park!
Aat idea ma mannie wint oot wi the ark
A’m already workin aicht ‘oors a day
So the nursery skweel fees A’m able ti pay

Tak the weans ti skweel? A’m nae daft
Are ye thinkin’ ma heid’s a bittie saft
Collect them ti? div ye nae see?
Grunnie dis aat, She’s nithing else ti dee

Leuk efter the aal’ eens? Na na ma freen
Social services tak care o’ a bodie gyaan deen
A’ve nae got time ti leuk in bye ti see
It’s nae ma fault the puir bugger micht dee

Relax in the gairden? Ye maan be jokin!
The verra idea his got me boakin
Jist cover it aa up wi a wee suppie tar
So a can park my bonnie big car

Foo ti relax? Noo ‘ere’s the hub
A ken, A’ll awa’ doon ti the pub
Efter a fyow drinks a’ll be as richt as rain
Syne ready ti rush aboot aa ower again

©bob smith “the poetry mannie” 2014
Image Credit: Family – Olga Vasilkova, Dreamstime Stock Photos.
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Div Ye Myn (Pairt 2)

Creative Writing, Opinion 5 Responses »

Oct 172014

By Bob Smith.

Div ye myn o Peter Craigmyle
A gweed referee in his day
Fa ained a tobacconist shoppie
Sellin bogie roll an Craven A
.
Div ye myn o the Majestic Cinema
Wi its usherettes fair smairt
Div ye myn o Woolies in Union Street
Wi its bonnie twins richt pert
.
Div ye myn o the Kit Kat Café
Nae far fae Holburn Junction
Div ye myn o Mitchell and Muil
Fa catered fer teas an luncheon
.
Div ye myn o J & A Ogilvie
An upholsterer maist posh
Their Union Street shoppie
Welcomed fowk wi lots o dosh
.
Div ye myn Peglers on Union Street
Ye cwid buy fresh fruit richt fine
Jist efter the war, fer bananas
Ye hid ti aa queue in line
.
Div ye myn o Claud Hamilton
As coachbiggers they stairtit oot
Div ye myn o Rossleigh’s showroom
A placie o richt gweed repute

Div ye myn o Burroughs an Watts
Ye cwid play snooker or ping pong
Div ye myn o the Playhoose cinema
Showin picters like King Kong
.
Div ye myn o Herd’s Corner Hoose Restaurant
Aboot half wye doon Bridge Street
Div ye myn o a lounge in Back Wynd
A think it wis ca’ed The Elite
.
Div ye myn o The Northern Assurance
Hame o the famed Monkey Hoose
Div ye myn o Bon-Accord lemonade
A favourite in nearly ivvery hoose
.
Div ye myn fin Union Street wis full
O shops o aa different kines
Div ye myn o fowk shoppin in George Street
Fin bike wheels got stuck in tram lines
.
Div ye myn o Union Street Setterday nichts
Or on Sundays nae dodgin fowk drunk
Nae fear o aggro fae loons an quines
Fa noo are drunk as a skunk
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014

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Wee Eck in Showbiz ?

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Oct 102014

By Bob Smith.

Wee Eck wull hae time on his haans
Fit wull he noo dee ti wow aa his fans
Foo aboot performin on shows like X-Factor
A singer a duncer or maybe an actor

“I Dreamed a Dream” is a sang he cwid sing
Or in a braw kilt he cwid dunce Heilan Fling
An actor o coorse wid bi richt up his street
Tho’ his latest performances made lots o fowk greet

A lion tamer in a circus wid suit Wee Eck fine
He’s weel used ti wheep crackin ti keep fowk in line
A reader o palms –noo fegs ‘ere’s a thing
“Gypsy Rose” Salmond aat his a braw ring

On Strictly Come Duncin cwid oor Eck dee a twirl
He micht be mair suited ti an Eichtsome Reel birl
In tails an bow tie he cwid ay dee a Valeta
Or maybe a tango wi a quine ca’ed Conchita

They say auld politeeshuns niver dee they jist fade awa
Auld politeeshuns nivver dee but fae office can fa
Wull Wee Eck fade awa or inti the sunset micht ride
The mannie likes the limelight so aroon he wull bide

A Mither

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Oct 032014

By Bob Smith.

A mither’s love is eynless
A mither’s love nivver tires
A mither’s love kens nae bounds
A mither’s love inspires

A mither gied ye a bosie
Fin ye fell an skin’t yer knee
A mither syne telt ye aff
Fer climmin up aat tree

A mither’s maist affa wise
An telt ye wrang fae richt
A mither jist shook her heid
Fin thocht ye nae aat bricht

A mither she aye listen’t
As ye hit een o yer lows
A mither gied ye spunk
Ti tackle aa life’s woes

Ay myn o aat gweed wumman
Be she mither, mum or mam
Fowk aa ower the warld
Should toast mithers wi a dram

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie”2013
Image: © Melissa M. Morris | Dreamstime Stock Photos
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Scots Wha Hinna

Creative Writing, Opinion 4 Responses »

Sep 262014

By Bob Smith.

Scots wha hinna voted yes
Scots wha left Eck in a mess
Scots wha widna settle fer less
Wint on ti victory
.
Wee Eck tho wis affa calm
Wis unnerneath tho blast an damn?
Maybe he took a wee bit dram
As No’s claimed victory
.
Fit noo wull wee Eck dee
As fowk refused Yes aims ti see
Apairt fae Glesga an Dundee
Maist regions voted No
.
The Yes voters they war cheesed
A fyow o them war fair displeased
Some o them widna be appeased
Cos No claimed victory

Lit’s hope Yes an No can be pals
An nae protest ootside toon halls
Nae kickin each ither in the balls
Jist accept it’s aa noo ower
.
Wee Eck his hid ti resign
Aat tap table nae langer dine
An somewye farrer doon the line
A new leader SNP wull embrace
.
Bickerin fowk a wid send ‘em
Far awa fae onything referendum
The “referendum his become the neverendum”
Fan wull it ivver bliddy eyn?
.
A really hope things settle doon
Some faces tho still weer a froon
Peace an quairt wid be a boon
Noo Scotland’s voted No

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