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A Lament Fer Torry

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Sep 192014

By Bob Smith.

Torry fowk they can tak nae mair
Hairbour extenshuns are hard ti bear
Bey o Nigg gyaan doon the spoot
Quality o life’ll be grim nae doot
.
Fer ‘ears an ‘ears at Nigg Bay
Fowk enjoyed thersels at play
Watchin the dolphins oot at sea
Or hittin gowf bas aff the tee
.
Marine an wild life on the brink
Fae sewage warks ye hiv a stink
Hooses they wull lose their price
Yet Torry fowk they are nae mice

They’ll fecht agin the hairbour new
An wint aabody tae pit their view
“It’s only Torry” ye hear fowk say
Like donkeys- idiots like tae bray
.
The Torry fowk they hiv a richt
Ti live in peace, nae hemm’t in ticht
Wi industrial hairbours or shitie smell
Their lives becomin a livin hell
.
So jist stuff the new hairbour plan
Time ti derail the “developmint van”
Afore it blights the hail o Torry
Time its fowk nae mair need worry.

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Ay Ay Fit Like?

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Sep 122014

By Bob Smith.

‘Ay ay fit like e day?’
Comes oot o a nor’east mou
They’ll nae ask aboot the FTSE
Jist fits the price o a coo

Es wither his bin affa gweed
The barley’s in fine fettle
If tatties hud their price
The wife’ll git her new kettle

Are yer hennies aye still layin?
An tatties weel set in the dreel?
Man a wis noo jist thinkin
Yer calfies leuk affa weel

Nae funcy spik fae fairmin fowk
Jist stracht an ti the pynt
Incomers micht git offendit
Wi their nose pit oot o jint

Bit tak the fowk as ye fin ‘em
Git used ti their nor’east wyes
It’ll tak a file ti fill their beets
Ye micht struggle ti reach their size

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014

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Referendum Yaaaawn!!!!

Articles No Responses »

Sep 052014

By Bob Smith.

If ye canna git some kip
Read some referendum papers
Ye’ll seen fa faist asleep
Bored ti tears wi aa the capers
.
Debates here an debates there
Jist the same auld bliddy crap
We’ll be neen the wiser
Nae maiiter fa cums oot on tap
.
A really cwidna gie a shit
Fegs ae lot’s as bad’s the ither
Faimilies throweoot the lan
Hiv noo brither agin brither.
.
We’ll aa be better aff
Yes camp es are sure o
Awa ye go the No lot say
We micht hae ti use the Euro

“McFlannel” an “Ditherling” hid a spat
It aa wis maist unseemly
Wi fowk syne cairryin on
It hisna bin aa aat freenly
.
Es his bin pit upon us
Wiv bin forced ti pick a side
Efter the eichteenth o September
The result we maan aa abide
.
The vote michtna be conclusive
Hivven save us fae es fate
If the result’s ower close ti ca
Aa think a micht emigrate!!!
.
Instead o haen anither vote
Jist hae pluffers drawn at dawn
T’wull save aa the bliddy palaver
An aathing’s a bliddy yaaaawn

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014

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[Aberdeen Voice accepts and welcomes contributions from all sides/angles pertaining to any issue. Views and opinions expressed in any article are entirely those of the writer/contributor, and inclusion in our publication does not constitute support or endorsement of these by Aberdeen Voice as an organisation or any of its team members.]

The Sixty Fower Sparra Question

Creative Writing, Opinion 2 Responses »

Sep 012014

By Bob Smith.

Leuk’t oot ma upstair’s winda
T’wis jist the ither day
A great flock o sparras
War aa aroon on es braw day

A coontit sixty fower at least
Atap the hedge far a cwid see
Some war sittin quairt like
Ithers in oor big tree

Syne doon ti the seed hudders
Squabblin as tho wee geets
Hoverin aroon demintit like
As they tried ti git some eats

Ti the hedge back they flew
Chirpin ten ti the dizzen
Soonin like auld fishwives
Fa war weel an truly fizzin

Time fer ‘em ti hae a dook
Bird bath wis fair owerflowin
Some war haen a sand bath
Ithers jist tae’n an fro’in

A leukit at the seed tubes
They war impty eence again
Fat bas they war nae mair
Greedy buggers? aat is plain

Wis’t sixty fower or ninety?
Fegs a cwidna really say
Bit wi fair git enjoymint
The spurdies mak oor day

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
Image Credit: http://pixabay.com/en/sparrow-bird-fence-alone-freedom-426961/
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His Majesty – The Eagle

Articles 3 Responses »

Aug 222014

By Bob Smith.

Heich abeen the muntin peaks
The king o birds, the eagle, seeks
His quarry fae the moors alow
A hare aat’s wanderin tae an fro’

Aa alang the muntin side
Wings ootstretch’t in gracefu’ glide
Syne inti a swoop sae faist
The hare nae mair its life dis laist

Inti the sky abeen crag an tree
Ower ti the eyrie he dis flee
Wi prey ti feed his hungry bairns
On a nest o heather sticks an ferns

Aff eence mair towards stags roarin
His majesty the eagle soarin
Seen ti alicht on craggy perch
The grun alow his een wull search

A noble bird aat is clear
Een aat really his nae peer
His size his strength an his speed
Maks him the king o birds indeed.

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A Winda On The Wider Warld

Opinion No Responses »

Aug 132014

By Bob Smith.

Yon Hammas an the Israelis
Are aat it haimmer an tongs
Fin Nobel Peace Prizes are awarded
Es twa wull git nae gongs
.
Some Amazonian Indian fowk
Oot the rainforest they did come
Noo the media ca them a “lost” tribe
Wi little coverin up their bum
.
The tribe noo a’m fair sure
Didna think aat they war “lost”
They kent fine far they war
Yet inti print sic wirds war tossed
.
We’re ask’t ti nae shak hans
It micht jist spread bacteria
Es little bit o havers is
Mair likely ti spread hysteria
.
We’re aa commemoratin’ the stairt
O the “war ti end aa wars”
Far millions war killed or woundit
Some left wi mental scars
.
Lions led bi bliddy donkeys
Is fit history’s noo decreed
Commemorate the stairt o a war?
Na jist the puir buggers fa are deid
.
Kylie sang at the Commonwealth Games
A wheep wis aa aat wis missin
Wi aat costume she fair leukit like
A bordello madame ripe fer kissin
.
A wifie fae Aiberdeen Inspired
His bin a maist gypit deem
Bi gien her man a secret rise
In his pey packit it wid seem

Her ither fella director fowk
Hiv richtly chuck’t her oot
She cwid o coorse maybe qualify
Fer a job wi Trump nae doot
.
Gary Lineker richtly hid a rant
Aboot alleged corrupt Fifa w-nkers
Sepp an his cronies are maybe worse
Than yon conivin useless bankers
.
The Ukrainians an Pro–Russians
Are at each ithers throats
Putin he jist thumbs his nose
At the UN an EU goats
.
They’ve applied some sanctions
Business leaders are noo squealin
An feart o losin big profits
If wi Russia they’re nae dealin
.
Wee Eck an Darling hid a debate
On a Scottish TV Channel
A wi heard eence again
Wis mair an mair bliddy flannel
.
Bit fegs somewye in the warld
There maan be some gweed news
Cos watchin 24 hr News Channels
Tends ti gie ye the bliddy blues
.
So if ye hear o gweed news
An papers gie ye nae choice
Jist drap a wee e-mail
Ti the fowk at Aiberdeen Voice
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014

Image – BBC Resources Television Camera – Credit: Ian Britton
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Commonwealth Games

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Jul 312014

By Bob Smith.

The Commonwealth Games in Glesga
So far hiv bin praiseworthy
Apairt fae the openin fifteen meenits
Fit a fun a bit cringeworthy
.
The spectators hiv bin fantastic
Their noisy appreciation ti the fore
Nae at ony time hiv a said
Es is sic a bliddy bore
.
Competitors hiv aa deen their bit
Some elated some in shock
Wi lots o smiles an some tears
Efterwards fin they took stock
.
Weel deen ti the organisers
Maist things gyaan withoot a hitch
Lit’s hope aat es cairries on
An fowk can traivel withoot a glitch
.
Nae ony trouble or arrests
Fowk jist enjoyin the fare
Cheerin on freen or foe
Be they sweemer or rugby player

Nae sign o Neanderthal bigots
At national anthems nae jeerin
Jist gweed aal-farrant rivalry
An lots an lots o cheerin
.
Nae anti-English or anti-Scottish
Ti spyle the fowks day oot
Fitba fans shud tak heed
An gie aa bigotry the boot
.
Ae thing we hiv bin spared
Es micht hae caused some ire
Is the sicht o Alex Salmond
Ahint the podiums wi Saltire
.
Weel deen ti aa concerned
‘Speecially the fowk o Glesga toon
Ye’ve deen yersels richt prood
An nae lit auld Scotia doon.
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014

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Haar! Haar! Haar!

Creative Writing, Opinion 1 Response »

Jul 252014

By Bob Smith.

We hid a wee drive oot
The wye o Ellon toon
The sun wis fair shinin
An fowk war turnin broon
.
Efter an ice cream an waak aroon
We got back in ower the car
A fyow mile oot o Ellon
We war met bi bliddy haar
.
The nearer we got ti Menie
The haar it fair got worse
Wi grey mist ower Trumpie’s coorse
A’m sure a heard a curse

The “greatest golf coorse in the warld”
Far ye cwidna bliddy see
Ye widna hae kent fit line ti tak
Fin drivin aff ony tee
.
A’m a bittie sorry fer the feels
Fa pyed tap money fae afar
An on the coorse they cwidna play
Cos o north east’s famous haar
.
Haar!Haar!Haar! I hear fowk laach
Wi nae sympathy fer The Donald
Fowk shud drive a fyow miles north
An play Ellon’s haar free McDonald

The 161st Echt Show

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Jul 172014

By Bob Smith.

We took a wee bit dauner
Oot ti the 161st Echt Show
Far kwintra fowk an toonsers
They war minglin ti an fro’
.
‘Ere wis Charollais an Suffolk sheep
The Texels a fun ugly limmers
‘Ere wis ither yowes an tups
An some war cross bred gimmers
.
The horse section noo wis gran
The Clydesdales stole ma hairt
As a myn fine as a loon
Rosie yokit ti box cairt
.
Lots o coos wi caafs as weel
Gweed bullocks an heifers ti
Heilan coos wi their horns
A richt fine sicht ti see
.
A parade o vintage tractors
The auldest ti bi seen
Wis a post war Fordson
In a livery o dark green
.
The Kintore Pipe Band war on haun
Roon the ring they did parade
Mony fowk they war whistlin
As weel kent tunes they played
.
Heilan duncin throwoot the day
Sword Dunce weel ti the fore
Wi young eens o aa ages
‘Ere wis tartans bi the score

In the Industrial tint ‘ere wis
Toffees, jams an gweed bakes
Clootie dumplin an oatmeal breid
An lots o WRI wifies’ cakes
.
A fair enjoyed the birds o prey
Wi the display o falconry
In fact a hiv ti say
It fair did mak the day
.
A great faavrit fer mony ‘ears
The young loons an quines races
A buddin Jessica Ennis or Usain Bolt
Micht hae bin amang the faces
.
An efterneen o fine hivvy events
Compered by Leuchar loon Jim Taylor
Haimmer throwin an caber tossin
Wi me es fun great faavour
.
‘Ere wis the Tug-o-War competition
Strappin loons an quines took pairt
In the hans o Jim’s brither Bob
Ti Echt they cam fae ilka airt
.
The wither it played its pairt
A braw day wi nae rain
At only eicht poonds ti git in
Es pilgrimage we’ll mak again
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014

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Bigg ‘Em Quick—Price ‘Em Heich

Creative Writing, Opinion 1 Response »

Jul 082014

By Bob Smith.

Stewartie Milne wints ti bigg
Hooses doon Pitfodels wye
Aa ti bi class’t as luxury
Wi prices fair sky high

‘Ere is a need says Stewartie
Fer mair hooses o es kine
A fyow mair luxury hames
Wull suit Aiberdeen jist fine

Awa an bile yer heid min
It’s the laist thing we div need
Biggin mair owerpriced mansions
An only affordable ti ae creed

Fit aboot biggin some hoosies
Aat’ll help the first time buyers?
An nae jist pander ti the likes
O big business types an lawyers

Oor streets are paved wi gold
Fowk fae oot the toon are telt
So Stewartie maan be hopin
Aat ess hooses wull seen be selt.

Bigg ‘em quick-price ’em heich
The motto o fowk like Mr Milne
Nivver myn the puir buggers
Still on the property treadmill

It seems aat oor toon planners
Beery their heids doon in the sand
An dee nithin aboot the less affluent
Faa need a wee helpin hand

Bigg ‘em quick—price ‘em lower
Wid dee a lot mair fer the needy
So Stewartie Milne gie es a thocht
An dinna be sae bliddy greedy.

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