Poetry Archives - Page 14 of 25

You Traitors

Oct 312012

By Bob Smith.

Ye traitors tae human dignity
Ye traitors tae the facts
Ye traitors tae yer readers
Ye traitors fa stab fowks’ backs
.
Ye kowtowed tae The Donald
He ca’s ye his press freens
Fer supportin the Menie project
Iss wis heard on TV screens
.
We’ve hid aneuch o yer crap
Fawnin ower yer business pallies
Ye treat maist o yer loyal readers
As tho’ they’re bliddy wallies
.
Some say the EE wis responsible
Fer the sackin o Martin Ford
Wi heidlines like “You Traitors”
Showin a great lack o Bon Accord

The P&J’s ca’ed the “Trump Gazette”
Bi mony in baith toon an shire
Forelock touchin tae the mannie Trump
Is lookit on as dire
.
So aa iss biles doon tae noo
As the truth ye try tae hide
Baith papers losin revenue
As sales micht stairt tae slide
.
Noo masel a jist stan back
An fit a think is clear
Local papers are feart ye see
Trump’s advertisin wull disappear
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2012

Is Donald An Auld “Trump”?

Creative Writing, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Oct 262012

By Bob Smith.

A wis jist remindit the ither day
So iss knowledge a’ll impart
The wird TRUMP in slang spik
Is classed as bein a FART

So ma freens dis iss mean
Donald Trump Snr fer a start
Can noo be thocht o literally
As bein some auld Fart

Weel richt aneuch some wid say
O win the mannie’s fair full
Fin threatenin fowk wi his lawyers
An roarin like a stucken bull

Donald wi yer new slang name
Nae doot some wull tak the mick
Maybe kent as “Gustus Interruptus”
As weel as fer the shite ye spik

Donald Fart – iss his a gweed ring
Donald Ripsnorter micht bring titters
Bit nivver myn ma puir mannie
It’s better than Donald Skitters

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2012

Raiders O The Lost Parks

Creative Writing, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Oct 222012

By Bob Smith.

Mair hooses are tae bi biggit
Near Pinewood, an Brig o’ Don
Is’t nae time tae ca a halt
An say noo jist haud on?

Faar there’s biggins ye hiv cars
At least een tae iverry hoose
Jist think o aa the clutter
If mair motorists are lit loose

Noo fowk div need a hoosie
Faar tae bide there’s nae doot
Yet a bittie sinse is needed
Afore the foons they are laid oot

Dinna bigg in the suburbs
Some planners noo div cry
Cos congestion on the roadies
Ye wull git by an by

Developer chiels they scoff at iss
Sayin new hooses they maan bigg
Tae maximise aa their profits
Be it Grandholm or near Nigg

Aboot aa iss hoose biggin
Fowks we maan hae a think
Afore iss gweed lan o oors
Ooner hooses it dis sink

So awa an bigg yer hooses
On an inner city broonfield site
Afore aa oor bonnie green parks
Are a mass o concrete shite

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2012

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“Han It” Tae Klose

Creative Writing, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Oct 042012

By Bob Smith.

We noo hid a seetivation
In Serie “A” last wikk
Far fitba player Miroslav Klose
Proved he wisna a cheetin dick

In the 3rd meenit o the gemme
Lazio seemed ti score
Napoli players were in a fizz
“Han ba” wis their roar

The ref near blew the fussle
Fin he saw the ba gyang in
Syne forrit steps Herr Klose
An admits the han ba sin

Honesty in a fitba match
Gweed sakes an michty me
Fan last did a hear sic a thing
Maybe awa back aroon ’53

Coaches in iss kwintra
Wull aa be haein a fit
At the thocht o sic honesty
Ca’in Klose a stupid git

The “maan win at aa costs”
Iss philosophy they div spoot
Nivver myn aboot sportsmanship
It’s oot the winda a doot

Fitba fans shud stan up
In iss gweed lan o Scotia
An tak their hats aff tae
An honest Miroslav Klose

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2012

Is Racism Alive An Weel In Aiberdeen?

Creative Writing, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Sep 262012

By Bob Smith.

A bodie’s view wis on Facebook
Misca’in some fowk in the “deen”
Fer haen a certain opinion
Aboot fit’s best fer Aiberdeen

If yer roots they are nae local
An inabootcomer ye wis ca’d
Anti views aboot the Granite Web
Iss blogger thinks affa bad

A’ve biden here in Aiberdeen
Roon aboot fifty eer or so
Bein born jist oot the toon
A’d be classed iss blogger’s foe

A cwidna believe fit wis posted
By a numptie a class as a gowk
Twis similar tae a 1930’s rant
Sayin ye maun be o certain stock

Wull the pro Granite Web camp
Distance themsels fae iss crap?
An protest ti the Facebook fowk
So iss bugger’s “blog” they drap

A maesel are agin the “Web”
An connachin the oasis o green
A view geen wi richt honesty
Tho nae born in Aiberdeen

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2012

Limericks An Gibberish

Creative Writing, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Sep 262012

Voice’s poetry mannie Bob Smith takes a wee bit of a departure this week, seemingly in the footsteps of Edward Lear, whilst ‘hingin on ticht’ to his native tongue.

There wis a young loon fae Montrose
Faa wore affa bricht coloured hose
He wint oot on his bike
Wis attacked by a tyke
Aat silly young loon fae Montrose
.
There wis a quine fae Stonehaven
Faa wis kent ti be a bit craven
She widna ging oot at nicht
In case she took fricht
Aat daft quine fae Stonehaven
.
There wis a chiel fae Glen Garry
Faa’s job wis drivin a larry
He sped doon iss hill
Fell foul o the “Auld Bill”
Aat feelish chiel fae Glen Garry
.
There wis a quine fae Portree
Faa suddenly wint it ti pee
She wint intae lang girss
Bit fell doon on her erse
Aat misfortnat quine fae Portree
.
There wis a young loon fae Braemar
Faa needed a new motor car
He funcied an Alfa Romeo
Landed up wi a Mondeo
Aat puir young loon fae Braemar
.
There wis an aul man fae Kintore
Faa funcied the local whore
Fin he asked fit it cost
He wis telt ti get lost
Aat randy auld man fae Kintore

There wis a young chiel fae Ayr
As an artist hid considerable flair
Ti pint a portrait o his mither
He fun iss nae bither
Aat talented young chiel fae Ayr
.
There wis a wifie fae Wick
Efter binge drinkin wis maist affa sick
She dooned three bottles o wine
An still thocht she’d be fine
Aat drunken wifie fae Wick
.
There wis a billie fae Skene
At golf wis maist affa keen
He missed so mony putts
It drove the guy nuts
Aat daft gowfin billie fae Skene
.
There wis a young miss fae Rosehearty
Her dress sense wis thocht a bit “tarty”
Hemlines up ti her bum
Naethin coverin her tum
Aat modern young miss fae Rosehearty
.
There wis a young ned fae Lochcarron
Faa wis the local drugs baron
Ae nicht he got drunk
An lost aa his “skunk”
Aat silly young ned fae Lochcarron
.
There wis an aul hag fae Lumphanan
Faa’s fart wis as lood as a cannon
Efter denner plus three gins
She cwid be heard in Torphins
Aat “windy” aul hag fae Lumphanan

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2012

Trump Rappit Ower The Knuckles

Creative Writing, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Sep 212012

By Bob Smith.

The Donald’s noo bin telt
Yer advert wi div deplore
Showin some rottin win turbines
Fit warna near Scotia’s shore

The advert wis misleadin
Says fowk fae the ASA
The photo wis o turbines
In 50th state o theUSA

Noo Trumpie he protested
Sayin we telt far t’wis teen
The affa sma print in the advert
Suggestit it wisna near Aiberdeen

Na Na min said the billies
Fa look intae sic like capers
Ye shudna hae pit it in
The bliddy local papers

Dinna dare use it ony mair
Weel nae in it’s preesint form
Use photos of turbine types
Nearer tae Scotland’s norm

Noo iss begs the simple question
Fit wye the P&J printed the ad
There is advertisin standards
Tae be adhered tae in iss land

Nae doot the auld excuse
Eence mair will be trottit oot
We took the advert in good faith
An it brocht us some mair loot

So fit noo Donald we maun ask
Tae the ASA wull ye buckle?
Ye dinna like bein telt fit tae dee
An gittin rappit ower the knuckles

Iss turbines row is biggin up tae be
A fecht wi Eck, Trump’s auld bosom pal
Wull it be a showdoon at dawn
Like the “Gunfecht at the OK Corral”

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2012

International Day Of Peace Celebration – Sept 21

Community, Information No Responses »

Sep 172012

With thanks to Jonathan Russell.

Aberdeen Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament will be running a Song and Poetry Night on Friday 21st September at 7.30 at the Quaker Meeting House to mark the International Day of Peace.

Special activities will be taking place across the world. To inaugurate the day the Peace Bell is rung at the United Nations. The 21st September is the opening day of regular sessions of the United Nations.

The idea of an International Day of Peace came from one man James Gilley who hounded world leaders to make it happen.

It was put forward at the United Nations in 1981 by the United Kingdom and Costa Rica (the only country in the world not to have a standing army)

The day is dedicated to Peace and the Absence of War.

Jeremy Gilley along with the film star Jude Law have organised a concert this year at the Wembley Arena to be headlined by Elton John.

If you want to be part of the celebration in Aberdeen please come along to the Quaker Meeting House at 7.30pm on 21st September. Those performing include Kirsty Potts, Dave Davies and Hilda Meers- you can bring along your own peace related songs/music or poetry if you so wish.

For further information contact Sally e-mail Sally @hjke.org

Tit Fer Tat

Creative Writing, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Sep 132012

By Bob Smith.

Baith sides claim they are richt
Fowk snarlin’s nae a bonnie sicht
The jaw aboot UTG nivver eyns
Aneuch tae fair blaw fowk’s myns

Some cooncillors rail aboot democracy
Ithers say we’re nae gyaan tae dee
Fit business billies they did ask
The TIF scheme wis teen tae task

Politics played oot in cooncil chambers
As the local papers stoke the embers
Scottish Parlimint stick in the knife
Tae cause Labour a wee bit strife

Fit’s happenin noo is tit fer tat
Labour an SNP are haein a spat
Fowk staun aroon fair bemused
Lots o them are nae amused

Tam Smith o Acsef is diggin in
“We’ll nae gie up till we win
Tae the suit brigade jist aa kowtow
An the CGP ye maun allow”

Awa Tam ging an bile yer heid
The Granite Web we dinna need
Tae restore city cinter tae former glory
Needs common sense nae some fairy story

Oor toon cinter wis left tae rot
Fin aa the shoppin malls we got
Raisin the gairdens winna help ae bit
City planners hiv left us in the shit

Tae bring back pride in oor city
Disna need ideas fae a Walter Mitty
Restore the fabric o oor bonnie toon
Dinna aye bliddy teer things doon

The “65” Rebellion

Creative Writing, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Sep 072012

By Bob Smith.

I micht be ower sixty five
Bit I’m still fairly fit
Yet I’m afen lookit upon
As bein some auld git

They treat aa us senior fowk
As though we’re past oor best
There’s lots o’ us aaler eens
Fa treat life wi great zest

Oor brains are nae defunct
Tho’ sometimes we micht forget
They wint tae pit us oot tae grass
Weel we’re nae jist ready yet

We dinna hit fowk ower the heid
Dinna hae a binge drinkin’ spree
The only drugs we micht tak
Are for thingies like HBP

We’re nae aat weel thocht o’
Oor opinion it disna maitter
Yet the silver surfin army wid hae
Things rinnin a gweed deal better

Seniors shud stan fer parliament
We’d aa be much better aff
The lot aat are in residence
Behave like a bunch o’ nyaffs

Aa ye aaler anes oot there
Rebel ye senior limmers
So we can hae a better life
Stan up an shak yer zimmers!

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