May 032012
 

By Bob Smith.

“The Donald” wis doon at Holyrood
Agin winfairms he did rail
Stop biggin aa thae turbines
Or yer tourism it’ll fail

Ye’ll spile the bonnie coastline
An wi me ye noo wull clash
Nae wird o connachin shiftin dunes
Fin an SSSI the chiel did trash

Trump says the warld’s aa laachin
At fit he sees as Scaatland’s folly
Fowk winna cum ti ma gowf course
An a’ve spint aa iss bliddy lolly

Royal Aiberdeen spoots oor Donald
Wull lose oot on gowf events
A win’ turbine it’ll spile the view
Fae the course an sponsors’ tents

The pledge a wis gien’s bin bruiken
“Nae winfairms wid be near Menie”
A’m dumfoonert an fair scunnered
An winna spen anither penny

Oor Eck cries “stuff an nonsense”
The mannie’s spikkin crap
His “The Donald’s” bluff an bluster
Geen a bittie ower the tap?

Wi aa the rigmarole at Holyrood
Donald playin his “Trump” cardie
It’s mair akin to yon Hollywood
Wi Donald an Eck as Laurel an Hardy
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2012

Image credit:© Mark Rasmussen | Dreamstime.com …. 3 windmills

May 012012
 

With thanks to Suzanne Kelly.

A candidate in the Torry/Ferryhill area of the city for City Councillor, has hit out at Aberdeen City Council for the slaughter of 22 Roe deer on Tullos Hill.

Suzanne Kelly  has been researching, reporting on and campaigning against the ‘Tree For Every Citizen’ scheme (a LibDem election pledge) for over a year.

Kelly says:

“The Council are hiding behind new legislation and insisting the deer were overpopulated and had to be culled.  This is a nonsense.  Firstly, the roe deer have lived on Tullos Hill in stable numbers for over 70 years .  Some of those who joined us at the Mock Funeral yesterday grew up with the deer, and are well aware that deer move from area to area.  I want to set the record straight:  there was absolutely no need to try and turn this meadow into a giant forest.  It is the city’s idea to do this against the written wishes of three of its community councils representing tens of thousands of people.

“The idea that this council is so keen to enforce any laws is laughable to people who live here.  We have had overcrowded classes, cuts in services to people with special abilities without proper consultation, higher than EU limit air pollution (Wellington Road), and years of men and women working for the council without equal pay.  A new law, open to interpretation, is no excuse for this long-planned determination of the city to destroy these deer.

The SNH and the City were planning as long ago as November 2010 as to how the public should be ‘managed’ over the cull.

“An initial public consultation for the tree scheme said that rabbit fencing would keep rabbits out.  This consultation was live when – as I proved – the cull had already been planned.  The city did not tell its citizens the trees would be at the expense of the deer, even though they knew it.  

“They knew full  well the scheme would have not passed an honest consultation.  They also never said a massive 89,000 trees would be put on this hill.  People are justly outraged.  The city now feebly claim that ‘the consultation was not about the method’ of the tree-planting.  Explaining that rabbit fencing would be needed is obviously to do with method.  In fact, the SNH and the City were planning as long ago as November 2010 as to how the public should be ‘managed’ over the cull.  This is not democracy:  this is scheming.

“The Scottish SPCA said it was ’abhorrent and absurd’ to kill deer to protect trees that don’t even exist yet.  The Scottish SPCA is very vigilant and effective in my area:  if the deer had been suffering or starving, they would have ordered a cull long ago.  Other animal welfare groups likewise think the deer were fine as they were.  As far as we can tell, there has never been a cull on this hill.  That is because these animals lived in sustainable numbers, and lived only 6-7 years.

“I was not surprised that the police decided to attend our peaceful funeral protest.  However, when they showed up at the Aberdeen branch of Lush where I was to speak later, I was somewhat bemused.

“We tried proving that the soil is scant (there is a Government soil report proving this and showing trees would be likely to topple in the rocky ground).  We tried showing that the public didn’t want this cull or a giant forest.  Since reason, democracy and public opinion didn’t work, we were forced to stage this funeral.

“It was a blow to all of the campaigners when we found out the funeral was not going to be the mock event it should have been.  It is now clear the city was given permission to shoot outside of the normal deer hunting season, and have been destroying these deer since February.

“John Robins of Animal Concern Advice Line, Deb from Lush Aberdeen, and Fred Wilkinson of Aberdeen Voice are three of the people who have helped bring this situation to light and help fight it.   They have the thanks of all the campaigners – who themselves have been amazing.

“Councillor Neil Cooney and I have been trying to promote the idea of keeping the hill as a meadow – we have no idea how much public money has been wasted so far on the trees.  The first batch didn’t take – due largely to weeds – and this cost the public £43,800.  The ‘expert’ who claims the deer must go has a vested interest:  they have been paid £44,000 so far that I know of.  Expensive deer fencing has been installed.   This is in a city with a massive budget deficit.  The whole thing is a disgrace, a farce, and an environmental disaster.

“On my way back down the hill after the protest, I passed huge swathes of land which had been cleared of gorse (home for birds as well as deer).  I remembered seeing in January a deer leap out of a gorse thicket.  The gorse thicket has been destroyed now – and I guess that deer has been shot.    People who live nearby tell me they fed deer by hand on occasion.  What an unnecessary, violent waste.”

Further information:

  • Suzanne Kelly – 07752 356 455     sgvk27@aol.com
  • John Robins – Animal Concern Advice Line     john@jfrobins.force9.co.uk
  • Reports, source material, etc:     http://suzannekelly.yolasite.com/
Apr 272012
 

Deer cull protestors were shocked to learn on 26 April that 22 deer on Tullos Hill have been slaughtered as a precursor to Aberdeen City Council’s controversial tree-planting scheme. A planned protest on Saturday 28 April will still go ahead. With thanks to Suzanne Kelly.

A Freedom of Information Request has revealed that 22 of the 29 deer which roamed Tullos Hill were shot on the orders of Aberdeen City Council.
Despite a 2400-signature petition, over 200 letters of protest and the objections of four local community councils, this cull has taken place.
The council argued that deer had to be slaughtered to advance its Tree for Every Citizen scheme, a Liberal Democrat election pledge staunchly supported by Councillor Aileen Malone.

Initially, a small number of deer were going to be killed each year, but the majority of the herd has been wiped out.

Opponents of the cull and the tree scheme included not only large numbers of local citizens and international objectors, but animal welfare organisations.

John Robins of Animal Concern Advice Line has been a very vocal opponent of the scheme and offered the services of consultants, at no cost, to show the city how to plant trees without a cull. The city refused this and other assistance. The SSPCA said when the cull was first announced that it was ‘abhorrent and absurd’ to kill these deer to protect trees which don’t yet exist.

Those who wanted the deer spared cite the following reasons

  • The consultation on tree-planting made no mention of a deer cull whatsoever, although it did mention rabbit fencing. It did not say that 89,000 trees were going to go on the hill, forever transforming its current meadow ecosystem should they actually grow. The cull was planned in November 2010 and this information was deliberately withheld from the public.
  • The trees are not likely to take. A government soil report says there is little topsoil and trees would be vulnerable to destruction from winds, which have been recorded gusting at over 90 mph. The hill overlooks the North Sea and salt spray is also likely to inhibit growth.
  • The previous attempt saw the city leave the trees unprotected from weeds, reportedly a main cause of the trees’ failure.
  • The city did not buy the recommended larger tree guards in a bid to save money, going against government recommendations for planting.
  • The scheme was, according to Councillor Malone, to be ‘cost neutral’. This is not the case. As well as £43,800 returned to the Forestry Commission for the previous failure, a consultant has been paid over £44,000 to date, and over £400 per day has been spent in recent weeks to clear the hill, a former de facto domestic and industrial waste tip, of rubble.
  • Gorse was cleared in huge quantities from the hill, removing habitat for a variety of birds and small mammals.

Suzanne Kelly, who has been a campaigner against the cull for over a year said,

“There is virtually no-one in this area who wants this scheme. To learn that 22 of 29 deer which roam several different areas in this part of town have been destroyed, despite the stated wishes of the residents, is contrary to the most fundamental principles of democracy,  and it is positively malicious.  We were organising a mock funeral this Saturday at 0930. This will still go ahead. Unfortunately, it is no longer a mock funeral.

“Ms Malone had silenced me and Andy Finlayson from addressing the Housing Committee she chairs; we had both wished to be heard and we represented large groups of people. She used a technicality to prevent open debate then. Ms Malone, I challenge you to a debate now, before the election, in public, at a location and time of your choosing. I will be there. 

“I urge everyone in Aberdeen who loved this hill and its deer, which had roamed for at least 70 years in peace, to think about who you are going to vote for next Thursday. If you support the Liberal Democrats, you are supporting this cull. 

“Finally, please come along on Saturday morning to our funeral protest.  It was initially intended to raise awareness, but now there is a real loss to mourn. These deer have been slaughtered for political vanity. They have not been slaughtered for their own benefit, a ridiculous claim the city seems to think the public will swallow. No-one suggested a cull was needed before the tree scheme came along. At the end of the day, I see this as a tragedy fuelled by ego, greed and money.

“Whatever the election results are, those who sanctioned, approved and carried out this gigantic cull have veritably ended the deer herd on this hill. If they think there will not be a thorough investigation, and considerable public anger, then they are greatly mistaken.

“I decided to run for the City Council in my home area of Torry/Ferryhill largely because of the situation on Tullos Hill. It sadly typifies the city’s disregard for the wishes of its people and its existing environment. If I succeed only in throwing a light on how this situation has been handled, then elected or not, I will have accomplished something.”

Ms Kelly has compiled a report on Tullos Hill, and together with Labour Councillor Neil Cooney, had been trying to save the hill as a meadowland.
The report can be found here: http://suzannekelly.yolasite.com/

Apr 262012
 

 The secretary to Animal Concern Advice Line John F. Robins has written to the Queen on the Tullos Hill deer cull issue.

Her Majesty the Queen has been asked to intervene in a row over a controversial cull of roe deer being undertaken by Aberdeen Council.

The deer are being killed to make way for a tree planting operation under the auspices of The Woodland Trust’s Jubilee Woods initiative to mark The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee and ACC’s Tree for Every Citizen project.

Thousands of Aberdonians have signed petitions and written e-mails asking the Council not to kill deer in their names, and it is hoped The Queen, who is Patron of the RSPCA, will not be amused at the thought of the deer being culled in her name.

Aberdeen City Council is killing the deer under advice from Scottish Natural Heritage (SNH). This is the same quango which is putting pressure on landowners, including Her Majesty who owns deer stalking estates in nearby Deeside, to cull large numbers of red deer.

Many estate owners have expressed opposition to what they see as unnecessarily excessive culling targets imposed by SNH, which inherited a policy of mass slaughter of deer when it took over the work of Deer Commission Scotland last year.

John Robins, Secretary of Animal Concern Advice Line states:

“The Queen is Patron of the RSPCA and the owner of large areas of deer forest on her Balmoral and Delnadamph Estates south west of Aberdeen. I sincerely hope Her Majesty will not be pleased to hear that deer are needlessly being killed as part of a project to mark her Diamond Jubilee.

“Aberdeen City Council has refused to listen to thousands of local voters, at least three local community councils, and numerous animal welfare and conservation bodies who are all opposed to the cull. If we can persuade Her Majesty to express concern over this cull perhaps Aberdeen City Council will listen to her.”

For further info/comment please contact John Robins on: 01389841111 or 07721605521.

Below is a copy of the letter to Her Majesty.

Sunday, 22 April 2012
The Private Secretary to
Her Majesty The Queen,
Buckingham Palace,
London SW1A 1AA

Dear Sir,

I write to inform Her Majesty the Queen of a controversial project being carried out in Her Majesty’s name by Aberdeen City Council (ACC) and The Woodland Trust (WT).

The project in question is planting of trees on Tullos Hill, Aberdeen under the auspices of the WT Jubilee Woods initiative and the ACC Tree for Every Citizen project.

On the advice of Scottish Natural Heritage (SNH) and Forestry Commission Scotland (FCS), ACC are embarking on a long-term culling operation to stop any potential damage to saplings by the roe deer herd which has been established on Tullos Hill for at least 80 years. I am quite sure that Her Majesty and the managers of Her Majesty’s Scottish Estates are fully aware of the controversial and, according to many, unsound nature of the vehement deer culling policy being aggressively promoted by SNH and FCS throughout Scotland.

Much of Tullos Hill is old landfill covered with a thin layer of topsoil. Gases from the buried waste are vented off at the site. Tullos Hill is exposed to the full force of North Sea gales. A previous tree planting operation on the Hill failed for reasons other than deer browsing and, given the nature of the site, it is highly unlikely that, even if there were no deer in the area, any number of trees would survive to maturity.

ACC have refused to employ deer deterrence equipment such as tree protectors and deer fencing to minimise or eliminate deer related tree damage. ACC have also ignored the widespread local opposition to the deer cull. Thousands of people have protested to the Council through petitions, e-mails and letters.

Three local Community Councils have written an open letter to ACC asking for the deer cull to be stopped. Many animal welfare organisations, including the SSPCA and at least one woodland conservation charity, also wrote to ACC condemning the cull.

Tullos Hill has naturally regenerated into a valuable wild flower meadow and in its current state is an important wildlife habitat and community resource for those living nearby.

As these deer are being needlessly culled in a project to celebrate the Diamond Jubilee of Her Majesty, we ask her Majesty, both as Monarch and as Patron of the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, to intervene and make it known to Aberdeen City Council that they should not be killing the roe deer on Tullos Hill in the name of Her Majesty The Queen.

Yours faithfully,

John F. Robins,

Secretary to Animal Concern Advice Line.

Apr 242012
 

A mock funeral protest will take place this Saturday, 28 April, on Tullos Hill, timed to coincide with Aberdeen City Council’s tree-planting day. Campaigners want to raise awareness of the cull, damage to the existing meadow, and the absence of public support for City’s Tree for Every Citizen scheme. With thanks to Suzanne Kelly.

The contentious decision to plant a tree for every citizen with the majority of the phase 2 trees to be planted on Tullos Hill has caused thousands to sign petitions and four Aberdeen community councils to protest formally against the scheme.

Protestors want to keep the herd of deer and have the trees planted elsewhere. Pleas have been ignored and the Council says that new legislation means they have to cull the deer.

Opponents point out that the deer population moves from site to site in the area, and that other deer will simply move on to the hill. The SSPCA called the plans to kill deer to protect trees which don’t even exist yet, ‘abhorrent and absurd’.

Councillor Neil Cooney, a campaigner to keep the hill as meadowland said,

“My stance is a simple one – Tullos Hill is the wrong place for a mass planting. It could be a great meadow with stunning views across the city. My constituents have no stomach for a cull. A cull is only necessary if you drive through a daft tree-planting scheme in terrain unfit for planting. 

“Why create an unnatural habitat when Nature has done so well to reclaim a tip site?  A typical response I am getting is, “Don’t plant a tree for me if you have to kill a deer in the process.” A cull will hurt a lot of people and do a lot of damage to the reputation of this city.”

Campaigner Suzanne Kelly is standing for election to the Council in the Torry/Ferryhill ward on May 3. The deer cull is an issue which has largely prompted her candidature. Kelly says,

“We have proof the cull was planned and deliberately kept from the public, as there is a letter from Scottish Natural Heritage of November 2010 advising on how to ‘manage’ the public over the cull. We should have been made aware of what the ‘tree for every citizen’ scheme meant for the future of this herd of deer and the existing eco-system of Tullos Hill.

“Many of us want to retain the hill as the meadowland it already is. In fact, meadows are the fastest-disappearing type of habitat in the UK. Furthermore, many of us, and experts, are convinced the trees will not grow. The previous attempt failed due largely to weeds and poor soil quality. 

“The topsoil is scant, and a soil report says any trees will be vulnerable to destruction from wind. It should be enough for the city that thousands of citizens don’t want the trees if it means culling the deer and transforming the hill – but our opinions are nothing to the existing regime.” 

Campaigners will attend a mock funeral for the deer which may have already been culled, or which will be culled, and will come dressed in black or suitable mourning dress.

The events planned for the day so far include

  • Meet by 09:30 at Loirston entrance
  • 09.30 – march on to the hill
  • 10:30 – brief speech on the hill at a planting site
  • 11:00 – mock funeral for the deer

Lush Aberdeen is offering a gift to all protestors and will hold an in-store petition signing after the protest. A Lush spokesperson said,

“’We at Lush Aberdeen believe that there are more ethical alternatives to culling the deer on Tullos Hill. We are not against a tree-planting scheme in its own right, but we don’t want trees planted in our name if an entire eco-system, including both flora and fauna, is destroyed in the process.

“How is this for the betterment of anyone? We urge the Council to listen to its voting public and come up with a more responsible compromise that includes the entirely reasonable requests of its constituents.”

Supporters feel that to plant a single tree on Tullos Hill is to legitimise the culling of a hitherto-stable deer population for the next five to ten years and want to ensure that anyone who plans to help plant a tree on the day knows this.

A speech paraphrasing Mark Antony’s in Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar has been written as political satire and it will be read out by Kelly during the funeral.

Additional Information:

  • Suzanne Kelly, email sgvk27@aol.com  tel. 07752 356 455
  • The scheme has been costly so far for one which was originally said to be ‘cost neutral.’  The previous failure cost £43,800 in the form of a payment to the Forestry Commission.
  • A forestry industry company has so far been paid at least £44,000 that campaigners know of.
  • The removal of debris (industrial and household waste) has been costing the taxpayer c. £400 per day for weeks
  • Dumping was endemic for decades all over the hill as well as the nearby rubbish tip.  This tip has signs warning of explosion risk, and was known to contain radioactive material
  • Aileen Malone, now head of the Liberal Democrats, was the main proponent of the scheme, quoted in earlier press releases.

A report prepared by Suzanne Kelly can be found at http://suzannekelly.yolasite.com/ – it contains many government documents concerning the evolution of the cull, how the public should be ‘managed’, and a soil report casting doubt on the viability of the scheme

Animal Concern Action Line has been opposing this scheme for over a year.  Further information from:

John F. Robins, Secretary,
Animal Concern Advice Line (ACAL), ~
c/o Animal Concern, Post Office Box 5178,
Dumbarton G82 5YJ.
Tel 01389-841111.,
Mobile: 07721-605521.
Fax: 0870-7060327.

Animal Concern Advice Line (ACAL) is a recognised Scottish charity: No. SC030982.
E-MAIL: acal@jfrobins.force9.co.uk
Website: http://adviceaboutanimals.info

Apr 192012
 

Jeff Brodie has been volunteered to keep readers of Aberdeen Voice updated on Menie Dunes, renamed The Great Dunes of Scotland by Donald Trump, and on the antics of Trump and his cohorts of Trump International Golf Club Scotland (TIGCS).

Donald Trump approached the business of a building a golf course in NE Scotland very much as he approached his business dealings elsewhere, with a sense of showmanship, bluster, rudeness and outrageous claims. He boasted of creating “the greatest golf course in the world”.

He promised thousands of jobs and over £1bn investment.

No-one has ever attempted to build a golf course in the middle of a mobile sand dune system and the Menie course has been constructed on a Site of Special Scientific Interest (SSSI).

Scottish Natural Heritage notes:

“Large scale movements and associated redistribution of bare sand within the SSSI have been dramatic. The sand edge has migrated 200m inland during a 27 year period. The position of the northern margin in 1949 barely overlapped the 2006 position of the southern margin.”

Already there are signs that the sand is fighting back, inundating areas of newly-sown fairways and greens.

Europe’s first £100m course has now cost a paltry £6.5m according to audited accounts. His plans for a huge hotel and a small village complex appear to have been abandoned. There is still a large hole in the ground in Dubai, where he also had a hotel planned. George Sorial, filmed in Trump Tower, overlooking Manhattan, ventured the claim,

“For this project to be really great, we need to have a hotel, and I would challenge anyone to find a developer that would put a hotel on that site with some of the properties that are currently there in the states they are.”

So, to attract developers, he needs to clear all surrounding properties and intimidate the Scottish Parliament.

 Security guards continually patrol the ground, intimidating members of the public

His approach has been unorthodox, intimidating and, at times, bullying. TIGCS has taken unilateral action against neighbours, including threats of court action and alleged damage to private property. Behind the scenes, Trump Organisation staff have sneered and laughed at ordinary law-abiding residents who have never objected to the principle of a golf course development.

These residents only ever asked to be treated fairly and honestly, and to have their human rights to remain on their land respected. They want the right to live in their homes in peace and free from harassment and intimidation. Power and water supplies have been cut off without warning or explanation to intimidate residents. Trump even attempted to charge resident Molly Forbes legal expenses, until the Court of Session ruled that she was not liable.

Embankments have been bulldozed and trees have been planted on property boundaries to block out any view from both sides. The trees have often to be renewed, as, to no-one’s surprise, trees won’t take root in sand. Security guards continually patrol the ground, intimidating members of the public who use their right to roam on what was once publicly-accessible land. Work seems to progress on the site with permission being sought later.

Donald Trump is now playing with the First Minister, telling us he is a friend of the environment and that wind turbines would destroy the view from his golf course and the as yet-unbuilt hotel and houses. In a letter to the First Minister, he stated that: 

“wind turbines are not environmentally friendly and will destroy your country and its economy”

Members of the Scottish Parliament’s Economy, Energy and Tourism Committee have invited Trump to appear before them on April 25, after he decided to bankroll an anti-wind farm campaign “to save Scotland”.

Whether you are for or against wind turbines has no relevance here. Only the Scottish people, rather than an American businessman, can decide what is best for themselves. Do we need a billionaire to dictate our lives? I don’t think so.

The course, according to the sycophantic warblings of The Press & Journal, opens on July 10. With weekday green fees at £150 and weekend fees at £200, this is just what we need, when, in the same Aberdeen Journals Extra, they have vouchers for fourteen other golf courses for £12.

The land is owned by Trump International Golf Club Scotland Ltd, (TIGCS) incorporated on 21 October 2005, registered in Scotland under Company Registration Number SC292100 and whose registered office is 20 Castle Terrace, Edinburgh.

Accounts for the company have been lodged up to 31 December 2010. Over the five reported years

  • TIGCS has made operating losses totalling £2,780,521.
  • TIGCS has fixed assets of £13,155,690
  • TIGCS has debts of £16,579,963.

The accounts are abbreviated accounts in accordance with Section 444 (30) of the Companies Act 2006.

According to the accounts prepared up to and including 2008, the debts were owed to Mr Donald J Trump. In 2009 and 2010, it is not stated whether or not any of the directors are creditors.

The published accounts confirm that

  • Menie Estate was acquired for around £6.7 million
  • investment in the golf course since then has been £6,455,690

This is around a quarter of the figure provided by Trump’s spokeswoman Sarah Malone in November 2011.

Jeff acknowledges Andy Wightman and his blogsite as a source for much of this information
http://www.andywightman.com/trump/ and http://www.trippinguptrump.com/the-wightman-report-0

Apr 192012
 

Old Susannah looks at recycled paper in the shape of old news and defines some tricky terms we will all too soon be bombarded with in the run up to the London Olympics.  By Suzanne Kelly.

What a week it has been in Aberdeen! This was the story everyone was talking about:

DEER FOUND DEAD AHEAD OF ABERDEEN’S CONTROVERSIAL CULL: 

“Animals ‘starved to death’ on tree-planting site” were the headline and tagline which greeted readers of the Evening Express online on Monday 16th April. My phones rang, my email filled up, and Facebook was buzzing with questions from those who saw this ground-breaking news story. ‘How did the deer die? When were they found? How old were they?’ were all questions people wanted answered.

It soon transpired that in the text of the printed news story, anyone who took the trouble to read the piece learnt that the deer died… in 2010. Yes, that’s right, the headline referred to deer which died two years ago.

Old Susannah is happy to say that after a wee chat with the EE’s deputy, a correction was made online (I did ask for something in print, but apparently this is not happening).

I told the EE’s deputy editor that this headline was akin to putting up a headline ‘Titanic sinks’ in a newspaper today. He seemed to think I was equating the loss of all those lives with two deer and he didn’t think that was the right thing to do.

But I happily explained to him that I was making an analogy as to printing old news in a paper, without making absolutely clear in the headline that the news is old. I think he got the idea in the end.

But someone came to the Evening Express ‘on Monday’ with ‘a report’ – which led to the story being written. Hmm. Can we think of anyone who would want people to believe deer need to be culled or they will starve? Someone who might perhaps want to get re-elected, stay in their job, get money for the tree scheme – could such a person be behind this? I think we should be told. I’ve asked the Evening Express and the Council who is responsible for this strange, belated tale. Please feel free to ask them, too.

I’ve told the Aberdeen Voice’s editor that I’m working on two similar stories myself.

The first to be called ‘WOOLY MAMMOTH DIED ON TULLOS HILL IN ADVANCE OF CULL’ – it will explain the hill is too small to support many mammoths, and the mammoth is thought to have died having been hunted to extinction by members of the primitive ‘LibDem’ tribe – ten thousand years ago.

The other story I am working on is ‘EVENING EXPRESS FOUND DEAD IN ADVANCE OF CULL: CAUSE OF DEATH BELIEVED RELATED TO POOR CIRCULATION.’

 The ConDems are proud to present (no expense spared): The 2012 Olympic Games!

Just when you think you have some kind of entente cordial with these guys, they plant the seed in everyone’s mind that deer are starving and that only by killing them can we prevent the tragedy of them dying.  How and why an ancient letter was not only presented to the EE and then turned into a ‘news’ headline is as much a mystery as the stone cairns on Tullos we will soon obscure with dead and dying tree saplings. Sigh.

Perhaps if I send the Eve Express the old letters I have which prove:

a) The cull was long planned and deliberately kept out of the public consultation and
b) The city was chased for not paying up on time the £43,800 it owed to the Forestry Commission, these letters too might be transformed into brand new news stories.

But I don’t think I’ll bank on it. It’s as if someone were playing silly games.

While we are on the subject of silly games (which I just got us onto of course), it won’t be long now until the London 2012 Olympics start! Result!

People don’t want to think about jobs, pensions, pollution, EU scandals, water companies that don’t fix their infrastructure which leads to drought: people want bread and circuses (another thing the Romans ever did for us). Therefore, the ConDems are proud to present (no expense spared): The 2012 Olympic Games! Result!

Let’s look lovingly at some definitions for the Olympics (even if they aren’t going to create as many jobs and as much wealth as our Granite Web will magically do)…

Logo: (noun) – an emblem or design linked to a movement, company or other entity.

You thought the ACSEF logo was brilliant; it was. Well, the boundaries have been pushed; thinking has taken place outside the box, and the beautiful, elegant 2012 logo was launched. It graces everything from chocolate bar wrappers (which I’m sure the athletes gulp down by the case) to chequebooks. Who will ever forget those precisely-formed, joined up ‘2012’ numbers?

The only thing I can think of that was as pretty and chunky was our own ‘Monolith’ design, which sadly won’t be built. Some people say the ‘2012’ lettering looks like it was done by a 9-year-old with a crayon in the back of a car with bad suspension, but this is just artistic jealousy. Whether or not the artistic talents behind the granite web had any input is unconfirmed.

Mascot: (noun) – a character or animal linked to a movement, company or other entity.

The American Olympic Games gave us a cuddly version of the American eagle wearing an ‘Uncle Sam’s hat’. The Moscow Olympics gave us a bear. How very passé.

The greatest British design teams toiled day and night, and have come up with Wenlock and his friends. What better way to sum up what our collective of nations is all about than a long, thin blob thing with a giant bloodshot eye on the top of it? I don’t know what it is – do you know what it is? Would you have this thing in your house?

Why would you buy one? Again – what the heck is it? I am sorry I started down the path of trying to define Wenlock – and think I’d best forget about his other little friends, too.

Commemorative stamps: (noun) a postal stamp or set of stamps issued to mark an historic event, occasion, person or place of importance.

Elvis had a stamp. The Beatles had a set of stamps. And now for the first time in recorded history – we will get a brand new stamp issued instantly every time a British Athlete wins a Gold Medal.  That’s going to be an awful lot of stamps I can tell you.

I intend to camp out at my post office with a portable tv so I can watch the women’s 25 meter tag shotput heptathalon event, and be the first person in Torry to get the Gold medal stamp. I trust you are all as excited about this development as I am.

The only thing I found more exciting is that it will soon cost £0.60 each time I want to send a first class letter. That is presuming whatever envelope I want to use can fit through that silly little guide thing they now have – kind of like a version of ‘The Wall’ for envelopes instead of people. Perhaps ‘The Wall’ should be an Olympic event?

Poetry Parnassus: (noun – modern English) – an event invented for the 2012 Olympics so that intellectuals will feel part of the whole wonderful Olympic thing, too.

This is the concept (although there aren’t enough poets yet – volunteers should call the Olympic HQ): there will be a helicopter drop of 100,000 poems printed on bookmark size paper onto the happy Olympic fans. Result! This will apparently take half an hour. I can’t decide whether to get down to London for this and then find a post office to wait at for the first Gold Medal Stamp or not.

I’m afraid all this Olympic excitement has overtired me. Otherwise I could have reminded everyone of the story of Native American, Jim Thorpe. Thorpe was perhaps the greatest athlete the modern Olympics ever knew. He won everything. Decathlon, everything – it was a great triumph and he fought a great deal of discrimination to get that far.

But it turned out he had once been paid for playing ball – and so was theoretically a professional. All of his medals were stripped away by our always-honest and rule-abiding Olympic authorities. However, his accomplishments still stand.

Today’s athletes have been known to endorse products, be paid professionals, and to use the occasional ‘enhancer’. But for me, none of them could hold a candle to Thorpe. Must remember to tell you about him sometime.

Next week: Election round up – and news flash! Ancient Pictish/Celtic warrior found dead on Tullos ahead of cull!

Apr 192012
 

With its wonderful trees and open space and, of course, the Don flowing round it all in the legendary shape of a bishop’s crook, Seaton Park is our little bit of countryside in the city.  With thanks to Old Aberdeen Community Council. 

It offers us all kinds of leisure opportunities, walking the dog, playing football, picnicking by the river, letting the children and grandchildren run around, or perhaps just reading on a bench by the formal flower beds or snoozing in the walled garden.

Did you know there was a walled garden?

Seaton Park is a well-loved space,  but there is a growing sense that it could be so much better with more focused care, protection and attention.

It’s the poor relation of Duthie and Hazlehead Parks which seem to get all the attention at the moment, so perhaps it’s time for the community to pay more attention to OUR park.

With the support of the surrounding communities, Old Aberdeen Community Council is encouraging the formation of a residents’ group as a focal point for:

  • safeguarding the park
  • linking with the different agencies who already look after its trees, gardens and paths so well
  • raising its profile and generally promoting well-planned development to enhance its natural attractiveness and popularity.

We must ensure that the park survives these hard financial times and is recognised by our City Council as important a part of the city’s natural heritage as Duthie and Hazlehead parks which seem to be attracting all the funding .

You’ve probably heard how the Friends of Duthie Park have been able to access funds to bring fresh life to their park. Closer to home, Sunnybank Park has been revitalised by its local community.

Just think what we could all do for Seaton Park.

A number of residents have already offered ideas on how they would like to see the park improved.

Some would like to see a formalised barbecue area by the river, others have asked for a play area for older children with a skateboard ‘half-pipe’ and a zip line, still others feel that more toilets are the priority.

We would all like to see some means for letting people know about events being organised.

So, perhaps it is time for the community to play a more active role.

If you think this is a good idea, please show your support by getting in contact with us. We won’t ask you to start mowing the grass or to dig ditches, just let us know you are keen to support the enhancement of Seaton Park.

Our Facebook page is Seaton Park Friends. Join that, or email us at seatonpark@oldaberdeen.org.uk

You can also write to
Dewi Morgan,
107 High Street,
Old Aberdeen
AB24 3EN

Come to a meeting!

We plan to hold a meeting in Dunbar Street Hall on Saturday 21 April at 2pm to discuss creating a Friends of Seaton Park group. We hope to have speakers from the Friends of Duthie Park who can pass on their experiences and suggestions and Aberdeen Council have promised its support too.

If you possibly can, please come along and lend your support. If you can’t make the meeting, do drop us a line to give us your support and to be put on our contact list.

Let’s work together to create the park we want.

Remember:
Dunbar St Hall,
Saturday 21st April at 2pm
– we hope you can join us!

Apr 192012
 

By Bob Smith.

Lit’s hear it fer the fowk fa waak
Aroon the streets in ivvery toon
Fa’s only wish is ti be free
Fae motor cars aa fleein aroon

Streets faar ye can walk in peace

Nae noise fae larry or car
A toon cinter free o fumes an steer
Faar the motor vehicle’s nae the Tsar

A placie faar the high street shops

Can dee their trade in tranquility
An cafes hiv tables an chairs ootside
Wi fowk  enjoyin a coffee or tea

Streets faar kids can waak ti skweel

Nae aye driven in faimily cars
Fowk’ll  think there’s mair chunce
O seein aliens fae the planet Mars
Fowk war born wi things caed legs
Bit they’re nae noo used sae muckle
Instead o haen a fyow car free streets
Lit toons aim ti hae a fair puckle

Git fowk back livin in toon cinters

So some widna hae ti drive ti wark
An maybe they cwid enjoy some peace
Like the car free island o Sark

Ye think am livin in a fantasy warld?

Maybe so bit we maun surely try
Ti mak toon streets fowk freenly
Reclaim oor streets shud be the cry
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2012

Picture Credit: Richard Slessor

Apr 162012
 

Old Susannah reflects on the probability of  the Tullos Hill deer cull having been carried out, examines the role of key players, and presents some definitions we may become more familiar with as the local election looms.

Well, it’s been another interesting week in Aberdeen. I hope everyone had a pleasant Easter vacation, and things were as vibrant and dynamic (or otherwise) as you wished. I spent some time in the Coventry and Evesham areas, where all sorts of interesting things were going on.

I went to a pub where people played backgammon, cards and/or played folk music. I went to a meadow in the hamlet of Inkberrow, where the Plantlife charity is protecting some important wildflowers and animals in a delightful meadow.

I went to a bluebell wood near Evesham where deer, people, dogs and trees all managed to coexist without shotguns. This part of the world even has road signs to warn motorists that deer may cross the road – what an idea.

Sadly, even if the Council cut down on hiring consultants and throwing parties for itself, we might not need any deer crossing signs at Tullos – the number of deer which have been killed is unknown, but in a report I received a few weeks ago, buried on page 67, are the plans to kill off virtually all the bucks and most of the does we have.

The pre-planting cull happened, with a jolly hunter explaining to a hill-walker source of mine that deer ‘are basically rabbits with long legs’.

Might as well just shoot everything; we’d probably be able to make money from it somehow. Sigh. I guess we’ll just have to accept that the City and paid deer-kill supporter/tree planter CJ Piper know what’s best. We’ll just have to leave the main forces behind the cull (Aileen Malone, Pete Leonard, Ian Tallboys and Chris Piper) to get on with it. It would be a shame if any upcoming protest would add to the sea of newspaper and TV new items which have brought this situation to a larger audience.

Why do I pick these four people out, you might wonder?

Aileen Malone has always been the poster girl for the deer kill/tree scheme, appearing in press when it was just going to be a tree plantation. Did you see the lovely picture of her this week in the Evening Express? She had on a hard hat (you might think that was unnecessary) and was behind the wheel of a mechanical digger. Glee was in her little face.

However, when the cull became public knowledge, she suddenly became camera shy.

Chris Piper is  our expert who, having been paid £44,000+ so far, is confident we can plant trees successfully! Result!

Pete Leonard must have writer’s cramp from all the emails he’s put out repeating that ‘the consultation was robust’ and ‘deer need to be culled’.
He also managed to find time to singlehandedly determine that no funding was available for keeping Tullos as a meadow (which it already is).

Leonard wrote that a meadow would be more expensive than another tree planting, even though the tree scheme cost you and I at least £87,000 so far.

Old Susannah just found out that we are paying £480 pound per day for clearing the site, and the work is ongoing. Chris Piper is our expert  who, having been paid £44,000+ so far, is confident we can plant trees successfully! Result!

CJ Piper & Co might not show up in Companies House when you do a search, but they show up as author of a paper as to why we need the trees (it’s for the community you see, and to save a tiny bit of C02 – eventually). Writing a paper to keep the cash coming in, he’s endorsing the proposal which will make him more money: another result!

Ian Tallboys is a bit of the strong silent type – when it came to building at Loirston Loch and in the fields at Cove anyway. He’s certainly standing up for his right to use his licenses (shooting and meat management) when it comes to these trees. There is little evidence that rangers or anyone else maintained the weed-choked trees dying in tubes at St Fitticks and on Tullos (and at Seaton) – but everything will be fine this time. Sure it will.

But now on with some definitions. The elections loom, and with elections come a number of strange beasts…

Butterfly ballot: (noun) – a type of paper ballot in which the actual voting is done on a folded page, pamphlet-like ballot (the two open pages are like a butterfly’s wings; the voting is done where the butterfly’s body would be).

Let’s remember (as covered in this column a long time ago now) that your ballot is totally secret, so there is no need for any folded butterfly style paper. You are assigned a number, you get a numbered slip of paper when you go to the poll, and a list is made. Absolutely no way anyone will be able to track how you vote. Voting is just as safe and private as sending an email.

But back to butterflies. We won’t have to worry about butterflies very much going forward, as we’ve destroyed most of their habitat for housing (while existing properties sit empty), for trees ( which aren’t going to grow), and for a football stadium (which might not exactly be what the fans want).

Rumour has it that a certain city employee, meant to safeguard nature, is about to apply to cut down some ancient trees on their land. This is very surprising – Old Susannah would have thought the man in question would have skipped getting permission and just chopped the offending trees down straightaway. More on that another time.

Dark Horse: (Noun) – a relatively unknown candidate, seeking victory over their more established and better known rivals.

Well, the upcoming Aberdeen elections have no shortage of underdog, dark-horse candidates. The ballot papers are awash with Independents (including yours truly). It’s almost as if some people have had quite enough of party politics. The phrase ‘dark horse’ had to do with keeping details about your horse’s abilities secret before the animal raced.

I wonder if we have any candidates who like to keep secrets about animals from an unsuspecting public? Am I Malone in thinking we might?

Stalking Horse: (phrase, English)

1. person or thing designed to hide someone’s real intentions.

2. a candidate wanting to change the leader of a political party who stands only in order to provoke the election so that a stronger candidate to come forward.

3. a hiding place traditionally made in the shape of a horse behind which a hunter hid when stalking prey.

We can’t have an election without a stalking horse, can we? All sorts of interesting tales reach Old Susannah about how HoMalone became head of the LibDems. Was a stalking horse involved, and if so, who? Who was a weaker candidate that Malone?

Putting all that aside for now, we all hope that Aileen and Mr McCaig have mended their fences, kissed and made up. Their coalition was in peril not that long ago, and in pre-election skirmishes in the past both political parties have been less than kind to each other.

Whatever happens this time at the poll, let’s just hope we can get the same, sound, reliable, honest coalition we’ve been enjoying here for these past few vibrant, dynamic, smart, successful years.

As to the third meaning for stalking horse, well, we could always ask Ranger Bigboy how his deer hunting has been going, and if he favours the use of a cardboard cut-out, two-dimensional figure to hide behind. Not that I am insinuating that Ms Malone is a stalking horse in this sense of course.

Battlebus:

(noun – modern English) A vehicle used by a party to transport its leader or other senior figures around the country to rallies or to meet the people.

Some candidates go around in open top cars. Some of course travel in style, like when our shy and retiring (well, retiring anyway) Lord Provost gives his LibDem heir apparent lifts in the Civic Car. Much classier, even if the taxpayer picks up the bill for any emergency candidate trips to schools to pick up children.

On the subject of our Lord Provost, he has been a very busy man of late. No, not with his trip to Nagasaki to visit one of Aberdeen’s many twin cities (oh, the dreary pains of fulfilling office). Our LP has been handwriting dozens and dozens of letters, exhorting his constituents to vote for candidate Steve Delaney. This was later referred to by Delaney as ‘an error of judgment’.

Maybe one of the servants should have been despatched for the child in question so that the canvassing could continue.

Well, that’s all the definitions we have space for. Remember, you only have about a week to get yourself on the electoral register. Get all the gen from http://www.aberdeencity.gov.uk/lgelections2012/

Next week: More Freedom of Information requests and hilarious answers