Mar 282013
 

By Bob Smith.

Trumpie a see, wints tae hae a marquee
Plunkit richt in the middle o Menie
Haudin waddins an sic, fer ony rich prick
Fit am sure wull cost a fair penny

A marquee’s jist a name, fer a big tint on a frame
Far monied fowk can spik tae their pallies
Wull Trump be mine host, as pigs they div roast
An doon champers in a couple o swallies

Fae tap o marquee, flags ye micht see
Blawin stracht oot in the win
As sum drunken plunkers, faa intae the bunkers
Iss thocht it fair maks me grin

Nae doot Trump wull say, in his loodest bray
It’s the “Greatest Marquee in the Warld”
Fer the openin evint, invites wull be sint
As the Trump flags are infurled

Nae invite ye’ll see, tae the likes o me
Onywye a wid hae tae refuse
Local press wull be keen, tae mak sure they’re seen
So’s they hae the odd gin as they newse

As fowk dee a jig, fin samplin the pig
An lood music ower the dunes it is blarin
Wull oor boys in blue, stop the hullaballoo
Or micht they Trump badges be wearin

Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013

Mar 142013
 

By Bob Smith.

Jist hae a leuk, at the bliddy great plook
On the face o Aiberdeen toon
St Nicholas Hoose, nae langer in use
Thunk hivvens it’ll seen be knocked doon
.
It’s nae the only een, fit’s tae be seen
Aroon oor gweed city o granite
Union Square a confess, is jist concrete an gless
Mair suited tae an alien planet
.
We hiv shoppin malls, fer young guys an gals
Their shops ye can fin ony place
We hid the Co-opie arcade, wi units ready made
It disappeared withoot ony trace
.
Tak the New Market, wi wa’s fit are barkit
A biggin fit’s lost it’s soul
Knock the place doon, richt tae the foon
It’s nae langer fit fer it’s role
Iss toon o oors, destroyed bi sum boors
Faa’s ideas hiv stepped oot o line
Silver City by the sea, twixt Don an the Dee
His fair lost some o it’s shine
.
Architects wi nae vision, attractin derision
Shud be pit in Castlegate stocks
It shud be their plight, tae be peltit wi shite
Syne throw awa the keys o the locks
.
Planners tae hiv gin mad, iss is affa sad
It’s time tae tak them tae task
Tak back oor cities, fae thae Walter Mittys
Iss surely is nae much tae ask.
.
Reclaimin the toon, iss wid be a boon
Nae langer run bi Acsef an freens
Ordinary fowk hiv mair say, tae ensure fair play
Fin it cums tae spendin “the beans”

Bob Smith”The Poetry Mannie” 2013

 

Feb 212013
 

By Bob Smith.

The whaup. Ma faavrit bird
wi its maist hauntin soon
a soond aat is embedded
sin i wis jist a loon

wi connach aa its habitat
its feedin gruns wi invade
wi really cwidna care a jot
as human arrogance wi parade

wi drain maist o oor weetlans
wi trumple doon oor grasses
why maan wi use up oor lan
jist tae satisfy the masses

we maan leave the whaup some space
fer it breedin an fer feedin
ere’s plenty room fer aa o us
if wi stop ayewis bliddy needin

© bob smith “the poetry mannie”  2013
Image credit: Sylvia Duckworth | Wiki Commons

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feb 142013
 

By Bob Smith.

It’s bin ma opeenion fer some time aat there’s nae aneuch eccentric fowk gyaan aboot in iss kwintra o oors nooadays.

Ye ken fit a meen, nae aneuch characters, nae aneuch worthies. 

Bertrand Russell eence said “Dinna fear tae be eccentric in opeenion, fer  ivvery opeenion noo accepted wis eence eccentric”.

Noo am nae spikkin aboot thae  pop star prats or sae ca’ed celebrities faa ging fer a nicht oot dressed as tho they war gyaan tae a funcy dress pairty an spik a load o borin crap tae the media. Maist o them dinna hae aneuch gumption tae be classed as eccentric or a worthie.

Some fowk nooadays are sae bland an predictable ye’d think they’d bin cloned. They hiv tae be seen tae be, as THE KINKS  sang said, Dedicated Followers o Fashion  or maan  hae the latest gadgetry in the warld o iphones, laptops, tablets, notepads etc. an if the telly viewin figures are ti be believed, only like ti watch soaps, reality TV shows an talent contests like X Factor.

As fer politeeshuns, be they Tories, Labour, Lib Dems, or SNP, there’s nae muckle difference atween ony o them fin it biles doon tae’t. Thank hivvens we’ve still got een or twa faa kick ower the traces, the likes o Dennis Skinner, an Margo MacDonald faa dinna folla ony pairty line an hiv the guts tae spik their myn.

Noo I dinna aye agree wi fit they spoot bit a fair agree wi them ha’en the richt tae spik oot. Ower mony politeeshuns are, in ma opeenion, in the hip pooches o the pairty wheeps or big business.

There wis a lot mair worthies  gyaan aboot fin a wis a loon. A can myn o a primary teacher at the skweel a wint tae, faa bikit tae her wark in aa withers, in the winter time weerin an auld belted trench coat, a leather helmet or a balaclava on her heid, a thick muffler an waldies. A bittie eccentric?

Aye an neen the war o’t, an aabody roon aboot, includin the heidmaister an ither teachers, thocht her affa gweed at her job an the bairns fair likit her as weel.

The eddicashun heid yins nooadays widna lit her throwe the skweel gates, mair’s the peety. There wis as weel an auld Sikh mannie faa  raikit aroon the kwintraside on his bike wi twa or  maybe three muckle leather cases strappit on the back fit held aa sorts o thingies – wifies’ stockins, combs, soap, dishtools, scrubbin brushes, widden claes pegs an black lead for the fireplace etc.

He only cam aroon aboot twice a ‘ear an maist fowk bocht somethin. He wis thocht o as a richt character.

the amunt o eccentricity in a society his generally bin proportional tae the amunt o genius

Aiberdeen fowk o a certin age wull a’m sure myn o Snuffy Ivy, a prostitute fae Torry faa wis kent as the teethless hooer wi a hairt an a hare lip an, as legend his it, wid perform een o her services fer a fish supper. Noo a maan add, a’m nae spikkin fae personal experience as a wis only a  sma geet in Snuffy  Ivy’s time. Eccentric? – maybe.  Worthie? – maist definitely.

A gweed fyow auler ceetizens wull myn o Cocky Hunter. Na, na, noo fowkies am nae spikkin aboot Snuffy Ivy  iss time! Iss weel kent chiel deel’t in second haun goods an war surplus an it wis said ye cwid buy onything fae a moosetrap tae a fower poster bed. Anither Aiberdeen worthie bi aa accoonts. There are mony mair a cwid meention bit there’s nae aneuch space.

Awa back in the 19th century, utilitarian thinker John Stuart Mill wrote that the amunt o eccentricity in a society his generally bin proportional tae the amunt o genius, mental vigour, and moral courage fit it contained.

Michty me it’s nae wunner today’s society is leukit on bi some as bein in a bittie o a doonward spiral.

Wull there be ony fowk jist noo faa wid be classed as eccentrics or worthies? Neen aat I can think o.

Een or twa micht be myn’t on– bit fer aa the wrang reasons. A gowf coorse at Menie, winfairms an Union Terrace Gairdens shud gie ye a clue.

Och bit wait a meenit, a’m forgettin Sam the Seagull, the feathered worthie fae the Castlegate faa,daily,  wid relieve a shoppie in the area o a packet o Cheese Doritos tae share wi his seagull pals. Myn ye it says somethin fin a seagull is the only eccentric or character in the toon, ower the last fyow ‘ear, worth meenshunin.

Feb 022013
 

By Bob Smith.

A’ve ayewis spak the Doric
Sin a wis jist a loon
A dialect still weel loo’d
Fae the Spey tae Bervie toon

Fin a wis at the local skweel
In classrooms it wis banned
Ye were threatened wi the scud
Fit wid hae wairmed yer hand

Bit eence oot in the playgrun
It flowed oot o yer moo
An wi yer freens an neipers
Doric wisna thocht taboo

We canna lit iss language dee
It’s pairt an paircel o oor lan
The Doric an the North east
They aye gyang han in han

A’m  loathe tak in fit a’m hearin
Young fowk canna say “ch” as in loch
Fit’s the warld cumin tae
If ye canna git yer tongue aroon roch?

Doric wirds are mair expressive
Than onything else ye micht hear
Thunk hivvens fowk still spik it
In  kwintra placies like New Deer

The  braw wird  “dreich” a like
Instead o jist sayin “dull”
Or maybe gyaan “heelster-gowdie”
As ye tummle doon a hull

Robbie Shepherd he still spiks it
An a Doric sang he’ll sing
Sin the days o “The Garlogie Fower”
Iss chiel’s bin the Doric “king”

Lits aa fecht fer the Doric
Hae it taacht in aa the skweels
Instead o aa the lah-de-dahs
Thinkin the Doric is fer feels

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013

Jan 182013
 

By Bob Smith.

If ye didna ken afore
Ye need tae read the A.V.
Tae ken fit’s really happ’nin
In the toon twixt Don an Dee

The P&J  gies ye ae side
O a story there’s nae doot
Bit tae read anither side
A doot ye wull miss oot

The “EE” it is the same
Div fowk read it onymair?
The airt o democratic reportin?
They hiv fair lost the flair

Baith ower canny wi their print
A coordy custard approach detected
Ad. revenue they maan protect
Big business views aye reflected

Ceetizen journalism’s on the mairch
Wi the Aiberdeen Voice tae the fore
Maist o the mainstream media
Are noo classed as bein a bore

Times they hiv moved on
Fae the days o ink an quill
Bit some fowk in oor toon
Wull fecht fer democracy still

So tho yer nine or ninety
An fer truth ye div aspire
AV shud be yer readin
Ither local media are dire

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013

Jan 142013
 

By Bob Smith.

Lit me say richt awa,there wull be blue sna
Afore ma fantasy predicshuns cum richt
Bit lit us aa pray, there wull cum a day
Fin warld poverty’s nae langer in sicht

The Donald wull state,”Michael Forbes a’ll nae hate”
“An at winfairms a’ll nae hae a glower”
Afore is cums true, naebody’ll be on the broo
An hell itsel wull freeze ower

The Dons’ll aye win, their fan’s wull aye grin
In Europe Man Utd they’ll crush
Their play wull be racy, fin they sign Lionel Messi
An the green an white hordes they wull hush

Gaza Strip wull hae peace,an Israelies they’ll cease
Tae bigg on Palestinian grun
Fowk wull feel better, an guns winna maitter
An fae shell’s young bairns winna run

In oor Aiberdeen,the cooncil cums clean
An tells us aa fit’s gyaan on
Nae diggers wull dig tae bigg a new brig
Throwe the streets o puir Tillydrone

Sir Ian wull depart, in the puff o a fart
Wi his 50 odd million in a hurry
He’ll dee much mair gweed, if Africa’s hungry he’ll feed
An aboot webs an gairdens nae worry

Fit the future micht be, we’ll jist wait an see
Wull ony fantasy predicshuns cum true?
If only een wis fulfilled, a wid be richt thrilled
So a’m hopin the sna wull turn blue

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2013

Jan 112013
 

There’s a 1940’s sang made famous by aat gran jazz trumpeter an singer, the late Louis “Satchmo” Armstrong ca’d “When Your Smiling” faar ae line suggests “the hail warld smiles wi you”. Bob Smith writes for ‘Voice.

Noo ye maybe canna aye ging aboot wi a smile on yer face aa the time, cos mannies in fite coats drivin a yalla vannie micht come by an cairt ye awa tae the nearest mental hospital, bit gyaan bi a nummer o soor faces a see in ma traivels ye’d think een or twa puir craiturs hid lost the winnin lottery ticket.

There are days masel fin a’ve bin doon in the moo bit there’s aye somethin gyaan on fit pits a smile back on ma fizzog.

Openin the curtins in the mornin an seein the sun shinin an hearin the birdies singin are jist twa examples.

A nummer o fowk spik aboot their busy lives pittin them unner pressure an they fun it difficult tae smile. Slowin thingies doon a bittie fowks micht help. As ma grunnie used tae say,

Smile, cos yer a lang time deid”

Some billies get fair vexed fin the growth rate o the Gross National Product o wir kwintra draps doon. Iss gyangs richt ower ma heid as a’m nae an economist, an a’m sure tryin tae wark it oot wid hae ye losin the will tae smile.

As a’m nae fashed aboot the GNP or the FTSE a can affoord tae smile a bittie mair afen, alang wi the gweed fowk o Bhutan faa’s heid yins cam up wi the idea o GNH ( Gross National Happiness ), fit meesured fowk’s quality o life, foo muckle leesure time they hiv, fit’s happenin in their community an foo weel integrated they are wi their culture an the environmint.

Much mair ceevilised wyes o deein thingies in iss wee remote Himalayan kingdom than here a’m thinkin. Cwid iss idea wark in oor kwintra?

We shud bi happy nivvertheless tae bide in sic a placie steepit in history an tradishun

Weel we’d hae tae radically chynge oor ideas aboot meesurin happiness throwe foo muckle spendulicks wi hiv in the bunk or foo wir shares are deein an git awa fae the materialism culture faar spendin siller on lots o thingies wi dinna really need is supposed tae gie us a gweed buzz. GNH is worth a fling if it helps fowk intae a mair smiley mood.

If ye git the idea a think aabody in Aiberdeen are meesrable sods, iss is nae the case. The fowk faa hope the City Gairdens Project is deid in the watter are smilin richt noo fae chik tae chik, and there are a lot o mannies an wifies faa are nae jist smilin, bit are splittin their sides laachin aboot the mair an mair daft haverins cumin fae a certain Donald J Trump aboot the winfairms an Michael Forbes winnin “ Tap Scot” award.

Trumpie is a chiel faa winna be smilin jist noo. Tae use his ain words “Faa Cares?”.

In spite o wir main street in the toon lookin run doon cos o aa the empty shoppies, there are a nummer o gran biggins in Union Street an aa aroon Aiberdeen fit shud hae us smilin wi pride.

We maan cry oot fer the fowk faa ain the biggins tae spruce them up a bittie tho. A’m aa fer a bit o naitur bit young saplins, girss an weeds sprootin oot o gutters an lums is nae eese ava.

We shud bi happy nivvertheless tae bide in sic a placie steepit in history an tradishun in spite o a nummer o silly buggers ower the ‘ears tryin their best tae connach the history, tradishun an culture o oor toon, aa in the name o sae ca’d progress. So next time ye tak a toddle aroon Aiberdeen dinna ging aboot wi yer face lookin doon at the grun. Lift up yer een an see the gran architecture in oor city.

If aat disna mak ye smile an gie ye an uplift then a suggest a whiffie o laachin gas or maybe, in the case o quines, buyin a firmer bra micht dee the trick .

See? A kent ye cwid smile!

Jan 032013
 

By Bob Smith.

A didna mak ony reesolushins
At the stairt o the New Year
Jist in case some o them
Widna be kept a fear
.
If a hid made reesolushins
Tae show a bit o moral grit
A wid mak the extra effort
Tae stir things up a bit
.
Keep opposin the mannie Trump
Ma main aim iss wid be
So fae oor shores he’d bugger aff
Fae his haverins we’d be free
.
A’d fecht tae keep oor kwintra
Safe fae the lan grabbin rich
Chiels fa try tae mak the rules
An democracy try tae ditch
A’d stir things wi the cooncil
Tae see oor money weel spint
An nae lan in the coffers
O fowk faa mak a mint
.
On a far less serious note
Ma gowf a’d try tae improve
So ma handicap it wis cut
An ma swing wis in the groove
.
A’d try tae be aye smilin
Fin fowk an me div meet
An look upon the positives
If the Dons they div git beat
.
Bit ae New Year reesolushin
An on iss a’ll nae bi canny
Is tae wish ye “a the best”
Fae Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie”

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie”
Image Credit© Anna Dobos | Dreamstime.com

Dec 272012
 

By Bob Smith.

Some fowk doon in Stoney
Woke up tae flooded hoosies
Watter flowin a fyow fit deep
It flushed oot ony moosies
.
Rain cam poorin oot the sky
Rinnin doon fae field an park
The Carron burst ower it’s banks
Faar wis yon Noah wi his Ark?
.
Aroon Brigfield and the High Street
War hames fit wur warst hit
Drains they jist cwidna cope
Wi the watter, gunge an grit
Some local fowk war on TV
Like Alan Smith an Isla Duncan
In Isla’s food caterin placie
Her stock it took a dunkin
.
Ithers in iss bonnie place
Jist sooth o Aiberdeen toon
Showed gran community spirit
Gien grub, an the odd nichtgoon
.
So raise a gless o Glenfiddich
Tae thae gweed Steenhive fowk
As a toast tae aa their spirit
An tae annoy yon Trumpie gowk

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2012
Image credit: Judith Pullar