Dec 312010
 

Voice’s Old Susannah tackles more tricky terms with a locally topical taste.

Aberdeen is such a cool city.  Make that frozen.  For those of you with snowshoes, ice skates or skis who have been able to make it out of your homes, you may have noticed a few minor problems.  There may have been one or two late-running buses during rush hour.

A few flights and trains couldn’t run.  Nearly two and a half thousand of us have had frozen pipes in our homes, including Old Susannah, who couldn’t find a plumber who wasn’t fully booked up.

Therefore a “thank you very much” to the brains at ‘Wayne’s Drains’ for giving such great help over the telephone; with their guidance I was able to avoid a burst pipe.

For a few days I had no running water which was a great adventure.  I do apologise for turning in such a short ‘Dictionary Corner’ this week but I have three days’ worth of washing, cleaning and mopping up awaiting me.  Sorry!  It was messy and no fun at all clearing the pipes, and if I never see a U-bend or a tub of ‘Plumber’s Mait’ putty again it will be too soon. Still, I was much better off than an acquaintance who had a frozen toilet.  He wound up in quite a mess.  Speaking of messes…

Local Development  Plan: The Local Development Plan, or ‘LDP’ to its friends, sets out the realistic, wonderful future for Aberdeen.  There are goals such as doubling the City’s population, building thousands of new homes, and making a ‘community stadium’ on Loirston Loch (NB – Old Susannah cannot as yet find a definition of what a ‘community stadium’ is).  Part of this ingenious plan is to always have land available to developers for creating industrial estates – again,

I always thought land was a finite commodity, and that we still had such a thing as ‘greenbelt land’.  Apparently the ‘Planners’ don’t happen to agree.  As a voter in Aberdeen, you were presumably made aware that your elected representatives would create this plan, only I can’t seem to find anything to back that up as yet.

You could also be forgiven for thinking that the local, elected Community Councils get asked what they’d like to see  – or not see – in the plans from the earliest stages.  Apparently there is a ‘statutory duty’ for Community Councils to be consulted for matters in their areas.  The truth is that the developers (hmm – can we think of any influential local developers?) and the planning chiefs sit down and invent the whole thing without bothering the elected Community Councils – the rationale for this seems to be that the Community Councils get a chance to object later on.

Where would the needy ‘All Energy Aberdeen’ have been had we not spent over £9K on a wine, beer and juice reception

This is a bit like the farmer objecting to the gate after the horse has bolted.  Therefore the ‘community stadium’ planners had a budget of our money capped at approximately £250,000 to spend to investigate the pros and cons of the deal.  Had they asked the local councils first, they might well have been told to scrap the idea.

But remember, consultants have to make a living, too.  It’s quite funny how the pros (like a big, shiny, new, red-glowing building where Aberdeen Football Club can astound 22,000 people with previously unsuspected footballing skills) are made to be realistic and important, and the cons – such as loss of wildlife habitat, urban sprawl, traffic and expense don’t seem nearly as important.

Of course, the community councils get to comment later in the ‘consultation’ process, during which their opinions are given the consideration that they are worth.  For Loirston Loch’s destruction, they get a maximum input at the public hearing of 30 minutes per council.  I hope they can talk fast.  (Old Susannah will be getting up to have her say about the ‘community stadium’ at this public hearing, which is on 14 January at the Town House City Council offices on Broad Street at 09:30.  If you’ve nothing better to do than see Old Susannah talking to a brick wall, do come along).

Hospitality: Dictionary definitions for the noun ‘hospitality’ describe it as meaning “… hospitable treatment, reception, or disposition .”  Do not let anyone tell you there is any truth in the stereotype that the Scots are not generous and hospitable; Aberdeen City has definitely dispelled that myth.  It might have done so using your tax money, but it’s money well spent.  It shows the rest of the world how prosperous we are.  Secondly, as previously established, our Lord Provost is worried about being embarrassed or looking foolish – which is why he and his wife need a generous clothing allowance and why he wants us to take Sir Ian Wood’s £50 million for the Union Terrace car park.

Let’s look at some of the hospitality we dished out last year.  On the one hand, we only spent £129,472.5 pence according to the City.  On the other hand, one wonders if it was all necessary.  We threw events for councillors and a whole host of special interest groups.  Where would the needy ‘All Energy Aberdeen’ have been had we not spent over £9K on a wine, beer and juice reception for it at the AECC?  You and I gladly paid for the ‘Aberdeen Sports Person of the Year Awards’ at the Beach Ballroom where some 275 luminati had dinner and drinks for £9,774.25.

Lest we forget, the City just recently had to stump up an extra £64K or so for the international football programme’s going over budget.  I can’t really complain, we attracted an amazing array of footballing talent, including Birmingham City.  We still don’t have enough money to keep our schools or have children continue with music lessons.  We might have to close our parks (or turn them into something profitable).  I have no doubt that our elected officials who dutifully attend these drinkfests stick to water and soft drinks; they might wind up  useless,  sozzled and brain-addled otherwise; thankfully this hasn’t happened as yet.

However, let’s raise a glass to the forty plus drinks events we held last year.  Cheers!

Dec 232010
 

An AGM in these testing times? Is the Pittodrie Board some sort of masochist collective? David Innes reports on the lack of blood and hair on the walls at the 107th Dons AGM held this week.

Before the meeting’s business got underway, a select few of us agreed that had the board not recruited Brown and Knox last week, the chairman would have been issuing SMG construction hard hats to his top table peers, such is the anger among fans about how this season has slumped from hope to despair.

Out of respect for the new managers who attended, but were not called on to speak, politeness and reason prevailed.

The main business such meetings is formal and, to be honest, dull. Suffice to say, directors Milne, Buchan and Gilbert were re-elected and the current beancounters Deloitte and Touche approved as auditors.

The real meat of the AGM is always in the questions from the floor, and this year’s subjects were predictable, which does not mean dull or uninteresting, given the club’s current position.

Directors are not renowned for being wholly open. Like many politicians, they will tell you what they want to tell you rather than answer the questions posed. There were hints of that, although to be fair, not all the floor questions were questions, rather statements of opinion, which made them hard to answer.

On the new stadium, we were informed that staying at AB24 5QH is a non-starter in that new regulations would see the crowd capacity cut to 12000, the disruption during redevelopment would be considerable and that funding it would be impossible. No mention of the destruction of Loirston’s beauty and tranquillity though.

…along with the forecasts for inflation, there may well have to be a rethink. Or a downsize

The funding rationale for The Aberdeen Voice Arena (aye, OK…) didn’t totally stack up either. Pittodrie’s value in the club accounts is a generous £17m, but this had mysteriously inflated to “around £20m” in the chairman’s review, although this did include, he said, another share issue and a mortgage.

Naming rights, and one can only guess at what corporate horror that will be, letting of spare office capacity and other – unspecified – gains from Loirston developments will net another £15m. Funny, I thought £38m was the last estimate I saw and with The Big Society’s VAT rise coming up in a few days time along with the forecasts for inflation, there may well have to be a rethink. Or a downsize. To 12000 capacity, perhaps?

On fitba matters, The Best Number 6 Ever gave his views, although only once did he admit that we do not have enough experience in the squad. Interesting though his contribution was, his focus was almost exclusively on youth development, which in itself is a very good thing, but will not get us out of the current downhill arse over tit panic in which we’re stuck. His claim that seven of the current first 22 are contributing well to the top team is tenuous – Paton has failed to develop, Megginson and Robertson are loons trying to do a man’s job, and the latter and Ryan Jack could have their careers ruined before they start through the trauma of having to cope with train wreck performances around them week upon week. Hints of new signings in January – also mentioned by Archie Knox when I buttonholed him for a short chat after the meeting – may help us finish somewhere between 7th and 9th (8th?) but did not seem to hold out hope of any sort of breakthrough success for a drifting, dozing club.

Hindsight’s a fabulous musing pastime but doesn’t help us get out of the torpor we’re in. We are where we are. We have a large debt underwritten by two major corporate shareholders with nobody seemingly willing to step forward and offer an alternative to the stagnation this engenders. In the wider context, the SPL is a devalued competition, destined to be won by the bully boys in perpetuity unless someone grows a pair and has a go at their warm fuzzy duopoly.

The 107th AGM suggests that this won’t be Aberdeen FC.

Dec 172010
 

By David Innes.

On Dexys Midnight Runners’ 1982 fiddle-fest Too Rye Ay, Kevin Rowland, with remarkable prescience nailed down the dilemma that Dons fans are facing following the appointment of Craig Brown and Archie Knox to replace Mark McGhee in the dugout and padded Team Recruitment jacket….

Old, may I sit down here and learn today? I’ll hear all you say, I won’t go away (Old)

You’re the voice of experience, every word you choose….. (Liars A to E)

So, is this pairing old, or experienced?

That they are both in the twilight of their years in football cannot be questioned, Brown is already 70 and Knox is 63, but these are men who have kept abreast of every development in football and approach the game from a contemporary angle. I have no doubt that they will stiffen up our midfield and defence and with a bit of wily wheeling and dealing stop the rot and nudge the Dons to a place of relative SPL sanctuary.

Brown has said that he wants the players to be happy and for the fans to enjoy spectating again. That will be tough. Spirits are low in the squad, confidence has been shattered and there is dangerous apathy among the fans, whose passion in the past has helped drag previous underachieving disgraces to the Sacred Red from the edge of the abyss more than once.

Both know football psychology in and out. Whilst the perception is that there will be a good cop-bad cop culture with Knox in the enforcer role, Brown’s spine of steel must have reminded Motherwell fans that their town used to make the stuff, for he too is capable of being a hard man. His preference though, is to get inside the minds of players – there’s often plenty room in there – find out which buttons need pressing and to work with them to build their strengths and underpin their weaknesses. He is no sentimentalist though and it would be no surprise to see some of the current squad being ‘allowed to leave’ if they cannot or will not accept the changes the pair will bring in.

The next few fixtures, Motherwell at home, Hibs away, Hamilton away and Dundee United at home will be a huge test, not of Brown and Knox’s abilities, but of the players’ attitudes, of their personal and professional pride, of their resilience and their willingness to try to keep the fans, well short of patience, backing them.

We can all point the finger at the Board, which will make Monday evening’s AGM ‘interesting’, we can carp and argue about managerial appointments and man-management techniques, can put forward ideas on emotional intelligence, but come 2.55 every Saturday, or whatever time Murdoch dictates matches will kick off, the only club representatives who can do anything about the Dons’ situation are the players. And they’d better not fail us.

Dec 032010
 

So, another one bites the dust…The cycle continues… Sack. Hire. Don’t back. Fire.
Put that to a 120BPM scratch beat and you’ve got a rap smash. Shall we say 20%?

Angry and Frustrated of .com (OK, OK, it’s resident fitba curmudgeon David Innes) gives his take on this week’s everyday tale of Pittodrie folk.

This time it’s Mark McGhee, brought to the club in June 2009 to “take us to the next level”. Was he capable? We’ll never know, for once again, we’ll be doling out a considerable six figure sum to bin a management team rather than allocate it to where it’s most needed – the playing budget.

With £400,000 at his disposal, I’m sure McGhee would have had us far higher up the table than we are. What we can almost guarantee is that having spent what appears to be over £2 million in compensating both Jimmies and Sandy Clark, weighing in with a wedge to prise Dingus from Fir Park and now filling his and the bank accounts of Leitch and Meldrum, we won’t be spending on contractual compensation when it comes to hiring this time.

Where does that leave us? Pretty much with those who are not in meaningful full-time club employment and who won’t need their clubs compensating. John Hughes? Binned by Hibs for a horrendous start to the season – would he do any better here? Billy Stark? Relegated St Johnstone and manages under-21 loons for fewer than ten games per year. Gordon Strachan – I think he wants to stay as far away from football as possible. That might of course make him a contender, since there’s not been much coincident with the finer points of the game at AB24 5QH in the past few years.

I had high hopes for Mark. His introductory press conference oozed ambition. He didn’t want to start the season droning the losers’ mantra about finishing third. He wanted to challenge “them”, he wanted to use home-reared players to add energy and spark to a squad and if necessary sell them on to allow purchase of others for the overall good of the squad. Hard-bitten hacks were almost in tears and I swear that Willie Miller was behind the scenes manipulating a C90 cassette tape as the haunting melodies of The Northern Lights of Old Aberdeen and Jerusalem played softly in the background. Maybe I made up that last bit.

Given that he inherited a squad decimated by transfers – Nicholson, Severin, Hart, Clark – and had no time to get replacements signed before the transfer window closed last season, McGhee was forgiven by those who actually think about the situation if not by those whose first instinct is to replace the manager. In summer 2010, he signed a formidable number of players, some of whom have been successes – Folly, Hartley and Vernon – and others who have found it more difficult to match their skills to the SPL. November’s been a torrid month. Apart from the results, the injury list has not eased and there have been key suspensions. The squad must currently number around 18, and the average squad age cannot be much more than that.

Hicham Zerouali lit up the SPL with his outrageous fitba conjuring act

I’m not making excuses, I’m just pointing out that those who make the decisions have panicked and followed the only path they know, with little thought, it seems, given to where we go now. They have failed to match the manager’s ambition, and he’s the fall guy.

Ten years ago, we endured the depths of despair as Ebbe Skovdahl’s first season saw us finish bottom of the SPL, even though we reached both cup finals and experienced some thrills as the likes of the late Hicham Zerouali lit up the SPL with his outrageous fitba conjuring act. As we gnashed our teeth, our families’ teeth, the teeth of close friends and neighbours, we were promised that the new post-Bosman reality had kicked in and that the Dons were at the forefront in pioneering a new financial model which would match wages to hard facts economics and that we would outstrip our high-spending, deep-in-debt rivals as they too had to change.

Well, since then we’ve had the misery of bottom six finishes, harrowing cup defeats, dreadful football, some of the worst players in my forty five years supporting the Dons wear the sacred red and a litany of managers who have not counted among their abilities the skills necessary to turn base metal or straw into gold, or even silverware. Those profligate rivals occupy the ten places above us in the SPL.

There have been two constants during this time – the Board of Directors and the club’s continuing willingness to soak the fans for ever-higher admission prices with improvement neither to the standard of football nor the club’s position.

Imagine, if you will, we had, say, a leading builder on the board, would he continue to charge the same or higher prices for his houses during a recession and a dip in demand? If, perchance, a couple of international financial investment gurus were on our board, do you think that they would fail to speculate to accumulate when they returned from the board lunch to manage their clients’ investment portfolios?

Other opinions are available, but mine is right.

Nov 052010
 

Books of interest to Dons fans are being published in ever-increasing numbers at the moment. David Innes advises Reds to remember this when writing to Santa next month.

As probably the last Dons striker who fans would have crawled over broken glass to watch perform some mundane dressing room activity such as tying up his socks, Duncan Shearer’s story is told in straightforward style, co-written by Paul Smith.

Fitba biographies are rarely controversial and the stories we really want to hear are inevitably kept from us. Shearer Wonderland is little different although Duncan expresses fairly strong views about his former boss Steve Paterson and that individual’s unfortunate personal problems, and doesn’t hold back when criticising former colleague John Inglis.

He also questions, as many of us do, the wisdom of spending precious cash on a Director of Football when the playing budget is pared to the bone. This is, however, no personal criticism of the current post-holder who Duncan describes as one of the most thorough and passionate managers for whom he played.

However, Duncan’s stint at Pittodrie was only a fleeting part of a long career and he gives insights to his life as a professional at Chelsea, Huddersfield, Swindon and Blackburn. Especially interesting are his reminisces of the financial side of a game which was much simpler then and his reaction to the different managerial styles of those he served, including Lou Macari and Osvaldo Ardiles.

Of course, the chapters about his time in the sacred red will be of most interest to Voice readers. His love for the club he eventually joined in the latter stages of his career, and which he was eventually to manage with Steve Paterson, is obvious. If you were there, you’ll know what a godsend a striker of Shearer’s ability and power was, and how much he was adored.

This affection was reciprocated and Shearer believes that his relationship with the fans was due as much to his refusal to stay aloof from supporters but to mingle with them socially, eschewing the hip footballers’ nightspots and lifestyle. Although he scored in our last trophy win, he is adamant that his most important Dons goal was the one which effectively put despicable Dundee United rather than the Dons into the First Division in 1995. And so say all of us.

Someone could have proof-read it better though – Neale Cooper is Peterheid’s manager – Neil Cooper is youth coach.

There are also intensely personal passages about the poverty of working class Lochaber and his parents’ struggle to survive financially and of traumatic family tragedies. Never forgetting his roots, there is significant coverage of his time in the Highland League as a Clachnacuddin player and as manager of Buckie Thistle.

Shearer Wonderland is well worth reading and it’s refreshing to read the life story of one of life’s good guys who appreciates the hand fate dealt him. Altogether now…”It’s a goal, Duncan Shearer….”

Shearer Wonderland. Duncan Shearer – The Autobiography. Black and White Publishing. 247 pages. £14.99. Co-written by Paul Smith.


Jul 022010
 
Pittodrie Stadium

Article by Dave Innes

If you’d said to me 15 years ago that in the future, my Saturday afternoons would be spent only infrequently at Pittodrie, that I’d stop rearranging or postponing work responsibilities and family commitments to ensure I would be able to go to that vital midweek away league game at Love St, I’d have laughed in your face. Such was my commitment to the Dons since sometime in the early 1960s, that any hint of dilution of this devotion would have seemed crazy. Yet, I can count on the fingers of both hands the number of times I slid 22 quid across the turnstile counter last season to take part in what used to be the highlight of my week and the best community experience going.

Continue reading »

Jun 242010
 

Here is a list of ten better uses for the 50 million quid. Please let me know what you think or if any amendments should be made or whatever. I’ve got an artist drawing a few of them up for added funniness!!

1. Buy enough rocket fuel to send a certain executive board into deep space and, if that is not enough money, raise business rates to pay for the rest!

2. Give £1000 to each household in Aberdeen so we can all party our way out of recession.

3. Invest in research to resurrect Scotty from Star Trek back from the dead and get him to beam undesirable councillors up! Would make a change from beams of sunlight supposedly shining out of their backsides!

4. Pay for the new Aberdeen Football Club stadium and use the change to pay Cristiano Ronaldo to play the second half against Rangers.

5. Spend it on a fleet of tanks with huge water cannons loaded with vast quantities of quick setting soundproofing foam to spray on vehicles pumping out excessively load boomf-boomf music.

6. Add an extra 50p to the budget and pay for the Lord Provost’s winter clothes collection!

7. Build a time machine on the cheap and go back to the 1800’s where we could pay for 1000 city squares with the leftover cash!

8. Buy every person in Aberdeen with a disability a new souped-up electric wheelchair, decked out with performance tyres, race car seats and leather trim as an apology for closing down day-centres!

9. Demolish the Bon Accord centre and replace it with a huge fountain flanked by gold statues of Willie Miller, Joe Harper, Denis Law, Jim Leighton and Alex Ferguson, each mounted on a giant rowie held in the beak of an even bigger seagull! An artist’s impression would be good. Maybe we should put aside £25m for the consultation, and run a design contest?

10. And finally…Pay for a tenth of the CSP shambles!

…. So what do you think? Do you have a better ( or sillier ) way to spend £50? Write to us with your ideas

Article by Ross Cunningham

Illustrations by Anita Inverarity