Opinion Archives - Page 53 of 136

Graffiti moments No 50 – Three Balls McGinty

Aberdeenshire, Featured, Opinion No Responses »

Oct 172014

In the third of a controversial 52 part series Duncan Harley and Janice Catto take cognisance of the political comments on a wall near you.

Overall, Pantsy got our vote for originality at Innes Links. The laid back graphic style and the hands in pocket relaxed stance suggested a ‘devil may care’ attitude to life, universe and authority. We like that.

We consider his work to be precise and accurate. Many of his contemporaries place quaint pro or anti homophobic rudeness and fuzzy sexual innuendo foremost. That in our view can often be a misleading mistake.

After all, those who want to make it big in the art world might do best to embrace a more gentle and polite art style in order to attract establishment patronage.

Scot’s artists such as James Pittendrigh Macgillivray embraced sculpture in such a way and, as far as we know, declined to leave even a skid-mark on Victorian loo walls.

Born in 1856, Pittendrigh trained in Glasgow under, amongst others, William Brodie from Banff and early on in his career produced exquisite busts of the ‘Glasgow Boy’ painter Joseph Crawhall and philosopher Thomas Carlyle.

His later work achieved national fame and includes Edinburgh’s Gladstone Monument, the David Livingstone statue in Glasgow and the statue of the scandalous reprobate Lord Byron in Aberdeen. Seemingly he inscribed his signature on the back of each work using the pseudonym ‘Pittendrigh‘.

Pantsy has no such hidden agenda which is more than can be said for his nemeses, pre-pubescent wall artist Giant Master Wullie.

Body parts-wise, Giant Master Wullie’s work is almost equal to that of several reviled toilet penis artists. Three Balls McGinty springs to mind immediately.

The triple testicular’d toilet artist’s work can be viewed in most male loo’s near you and is replete with comments such as “WANK IF YOU LIKE ME” and “ROGER NEEDS A SCREW CALL 0122464*97600, ASK FOR JOE or FRANCIE the DOG.”

Wullie’s work however is on a different level. With a blue hospital plastic gloved grip, his Innes Links graphic is slightly short penis wise.

According to a recent survey, the average erect penis in the UK is over 5.2” long as measured from tip to scrotum. Mind you, that may not include folk under 17 or recent immigrants.

However, Wullie’s graphic is worthy of note due to the surrounding text.

“MOYSER MISTER”, “MICKEY MIGER” and “BAZOG” have all left comments.

Moyser says “I LIKE COCK”, Bazog comments “SPLAT” while Mickey Miger’s comment “DICKHEAD” suggests that he is into detective novels and portrait painting.

We all like cock.

As for splat, the jury is still out.

Yours creatively, Duncan and Janice

Next week in the Voice we will be looking at the work of some west coast wall artists who by default have made friends with a horde of bats.

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We Need To Talk About The Police 4 – Gun Stun

Articles, Featured, Opinion No Responses »

Oct 172014

In Part 4 of the series on issues with UK policing, Suzanne Kelly looks at the recent decision taken by Police Scotland to award itself the power to have armed personnel on duty as a matter of routine. The use of stun guns / tasers is said to be an effective, safe alternative – but is it? Do we really need to start arming police in Scotland routinely? We and our elected officials should have been asked, not told.

Under The Gun

Perhaps the most controversial issue in Scottish policing today was the unilateral, non-legislative supported police decisions to award themselves the power to routinely carry firearms on routine patrols.

Local councillors and other elected representatives were dismayed throughout Scotland; Kenny MacAskill is being asked to resign (over several issues including this
one).

Highlands Police were showing up to incidents in low crime areas equipped to maim or to kill. A suggestion was made that the guns should be made ‘less visible’ – hardly a suggestion that respects the rights (or intelligence) of the electorate which is demonstrably against routine armed patrols.

The police had implemented this escalation instead of asking for permission to do so. They were instead attempting to reassure officials, judges, experts and Holyrood that all was well.

This unilateral action is on a par with the clearly illegal activities of those men deep undercover who slept with and impregnated women they were spying on as per the previous article in this series. This disregard for law, procedure and basic human rights shows us how badly skewed the system is. Thankfully, the gun policy has been changed. There are calls for MacAskill to stand down.

In August, Lord McCluskey, one of Scotland’s most senior former judges, called for the resignation of Mr MacAskill over a range of issues including the routine arming of officers.

He described the policy change by Sir Stephen as an example of “secretive decision-making”, and said Mr MacAskill knew about the move but did not share the information or hold a public consultation.

“In the US, we have seen the dangers of police with guns: put simply, if police have guns, there is a greater risk of someone being shot, unintentionally or otherwise.”
– http://www.telegraph.co.uk/Police-Scotland-arming-of-officers

We do know from recent polls that the public did not want regular armed police on the beat. A recent Scotsman article reports:-

“The nature of policing in this country is very important, and there is a danger that would change if we routinely equipped officers with firearms. We showed during the G8 (summit) how important it is that we don’t come out heavily armed taking a heavily defensive position” – Peter Wilson, president of the Association of Chief Police Officers in Scotland”
– http://www.scotsman.com/scottish-police-do-not-need-guns-1-1110360

Police are still carrying handguns to serious crimes; many are carrying ‘taser’ type weapons as well. A taser surely must offer safety to the suspect and the police; it can be fired from a distance, and causes no lasting effects – or so we are told.

What is a taser?

A taser is a machine that delivers in the area of 5000 volts into a human body, causing temporary neurological incapacity. Tasers are for sale in the United States, where they come in a range of colours (yes really). One manufacturer/seller offers a video showing the superiority of the taser over other weapons or gas. In the video, a man is meant to be being shot by a taser.

Barbs shoot from the hand-held device into the man’s body, and he falls backwards, caught by colleagues. And all for upward of about $900. Surely this is a safe alternative to guns?

Taser dangers

We have been told that tasers are harmless, won’t cause cardiac problems, and are just temporarily debilitating. We are still being told this is the case, despite mounting evidence to the contrary.

A Guardian article warns that tasers fired at the chest can cause injury – and death. The article quotes the manufacturer’s guidance which says shooting into the chest can cause serious problems, and that a huge proportion of police taser shots are to the chest. This article followed the death in Manchester of Jordan Begley who was said to be carrying a knife. Apparently the cause of death of this young man could not be established. What is established is that he was tasered.

Tasers simply are not safe. They are not being used as the manufacturer recommends; and if any deaths are related to their use at all, a re-think is needed. They are also not being used lawfully in some instances.

Stunning

Here is a West Midlands Police video showing ‘how tasers keep our communities safe’. It explains how the police and public are safer with taser deployment. In a simulation, a (badly acted) drunk is tasered, and seconds later says he will do whatever the police say.

Supposedly this acquiescence is reassuring; it is also very frightening. If the police can inflict a brief torture – and this is an extremely painful weapon even if briefly so – and it makes people compliant, then what safeguard of rights will we have left? The video explains that a taser is used ‘only in situations of violence or threats of violence.’ A taser will not damage a pacemaker or the heart. We are also reassured that officers are intensively and rigorously trained.

They say that everything that happens in the US comes to the UK ten years later. Here is a video of a man being tasered – for a disputed driving offence – and ‘not obeying the traffic policeman’s instructions’. It is believed the man was later awarded a settlement. It is harrowing. The man asks for his rights and is threatened with another taser shot.

As well as demonstrating that tasering is painful and being used as a means for social control, it demonstrates the mental state of the people we are handing dangerous weapons – tasers and uniforms – to.

Perhaps not all UK police forces are as responsible and rigorous as the West Midlands Police claim to be. Here is a video clearly showing Nottingham police repeatedly tasering a man on the ground, and beating him.

Parting Shots

Peelian Principles (named after Sir Robert Peel, the originator of the UK’s police forces) have been virtually overlooked when it came to this recent arms escalation. Theoretically, the police cannot work without the mandate of the citizenry. But they are doing just that, as well as breaking laws, subverting human rights, and discriminating, as previous articles in this series have demonstrated.

Thankfully there was a climb down with regard to regular arming of routine police, and those responsible are being called to account (although whether any sanctions will be issued is another matter).

Perhaps rather than creating an arms race and/or using the threat of painful tasering torture to subjugate, the police might instead want to listen to experts who admit there are dangers, and take tasering-related deaths as a reason to treat tasering more seriously, and to halt repeated tasering as happened in Nottingham.

Increased gun crime is evident in England and Wales, where gang warfare is implicated in this increase. The culture in Scotland is different, and if the police used their investigative powers not to spy on and sleep with women environmentalist protestors but to try and counter gun proliferation, perhaps that might be a more constructive use of undercover operatives.

Among the many problems with weapons are lethal results, weapons being taken from civilians or officers and used against them, attempts at the use of weapons enraging suspects, and the fact that there will always be those who panic and pull the trigger first, and ask questions later. Or rather than asking questions, seek to cover up information about force incorrectly used.

Sadly, the family of Charles de Menezes, shot on a London tube train for no legal reason, can attest to the truth of this.

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[Aberdeen Voice accepts and welcomes contributions from all sides/angles pertaining to any issue. Views and opinions expressed in any article are entirely those of the writer/contributor, and inclusion in our publication does not constitute support or endorsement of these by Aberdeen Voice as an organisation or any of its team members.]

Wee Eck in Showbiz ?

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Oct 102014

By Bob Smith.

Wee Eck wull hae time on his haans
Fit wull he noo dee ti wow aa his fans
Foo aboot performin on shows like X-Factor
A singer a duncer or maybe an actor

“I Dreamed a Dream” is a sang he cwid sing
Or in a braw kilt he cwid dunce Heilan Fling
An actor o coorse wid bi richt up his street
Tho’ his latest performances made lots o fowk greet

A lion tamer in a circus wid suit Wee Eck fine
He’s weel used ti wheep crackin ti keep fowk in line
A reader o palms –noo fegs ‘ere’s a thing
“Gypsy Rose” Salmond aat his a braw ring

On Strictly Come Duncin cwid oor Eck dee a twirl
He micht be mair suited ti an Eichtsome Reel birl
In tails an bow tie he cwid ay dee a Valeta
Or maybe a tango wi a quine ca’ed Conchita

They say auld politeeshuns niver dee they jist fade awa
Auld politeeshuns nivver dee but fae office can fa
Wull Wee Eck fade awa or inti the sunset micht ride
The mannie likes the limelight so aroon he wull bide

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
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Old Susannah No. 163 Selective Memories

Opinion, Satire and Humour 5 Responses »

Oct 102014

Voice’s Old Susannah takes a look over the past week’s events in the ‘Deen and beyond. By Suzanne Kelly.

Hope you’re enjoying the weather. The trains Stopped running further north, streets are flooded, and it’s chaos. Thankfully, none of the building we’re doing in the remaining greenbelt will have a negative impact on the ability of the soil to soak up the rains.

A mere 3,000 new homes in Countesswells on what’s currently open land won’t make much difference to the environment and flooding; congratulations to the planners and developer (S Milne). Don’t worry about any additional road traffic either, the AWPR will have us all sailing down open roads very soon.

I wish an artist would make us a rendition of what the granite web will look like when it rains hard like it did on Tuesday. No doubt the levels of underground parking replacing the soil wouldn’t cause any flooding.

In fact, the granite web would be great fun when the ground and ramps are frozen over, and we’d all sitting outdoors watching open air theatre.

Make no mistake, as sure as it will rain again, a certain billionaire hasn’t forgotten that web, and neither has his equally kind-hearted, socially-minded altruist friends. As long as the web story continues dominating the local printed press, the web won’t be forgotten here. either.

Many other developments are afoot here in the dynamic Deen. The plan for the city’s museum to have its marble staircase hacked up, and a giant box put on the top of the building is going ahead. I guess those developers and architects who think this looks wonderful went to different art schools than I did. I’m sure it will be iconic.

Funny, London’s Tate decided not to ruin its beautiful original building; instead it renovated a disused building when it wanted to expand. If only we had some brown field land in the city centre that should be regenerated to really bring the city back to life. Can’t think of a single site though.

And it’s farewell to Victoria Road School in Torry. Councillors met in secret to vote on axing the site; so no real change in transparency there. Let’s see who buys the site, what they paid for it, and what will take its place.

The Harbour Board are so very keen on turning Torry into an extension of the industrial harbour may well have a hand in this. It will be for our own good when Nigg Bay is taken off our hands, and more lorries travel our roads. It will be a breath of fresh air. Or maybe not. But no doubt it will mean more jobs, the rallying call of all local development.

Never mind the fact we have plenty of work and low unemployment; if you want to build anything, just say you’re creating jobs, and permission arrives on a silver platter.

Some had the temerity to register to vote in the referendum

Moving vibrantly and dynamically along, it’s wonderful to see that everyone’s getting along so well after the referendum. People are respecting each other’s opinions and positions; and intelligent debate continues to dominate the social media sites.

Perhaps the only thing that Old Susannah finds more heart-warming than the post-referendum bonhomie is the riveting, electric Lib Dem party convention. And do those guys know how to party! Nick Clegg was so cool that he wore dungarees one day! I guess that sort of thing impresses most of you young people.

However, Kyle Joseph Wagner, a local writer and bon vivant had this to say:

“Nick Clegg delivering his conference speech yesterday in jeans and a navy-blue shirt with the top two buttons undone is funnier, sadder and more pathetic than any attempts I could make to take the p*ss out of him.”

I think Kyle is just jealous, but there you go. More on the wonderful work the Lib Dems did at their conference shortly, especially the important news that Clegg wore a suit on Wednesday – how dynamic is that? He can be both cool/casual and businesslike and strong. I may yet swoon.

With all the excitement – party conferences, glass office buildings and so on, a few timely definitions seem called for.

Tax Evasion: (modern English compound noun) – the use of legal or illegal means to avoid paying duty on income.

I can’t possibly express how happy I am that poll tax dodgers may yet be called to account for their crimes against humanity. Some had the temerity to register to vote in the referendum. Thankfully, this might lead to these hardened criminals being found and forced to pay their just dues to society.

Perhaps these unwashed lawbreakers could learn a thing or two by looking to our betters for a good example and moral guidance.

Sir Ian Wood is a prime example of a man who pays his fair share. The Wood Group may be saving a few million by paying some of its workers via offshore companies, but that’s just good business senses.

SIW has £50 million sitting in a charity bank account free, but that’s going to eventually help Africans, who as we know need to grow more tea (perhaps he can help clear some of that pesky rain forest in the process). We’ll wait and see what he does.

Stewart Milne still has contracts worth some £10 million with the city

Good thing there aren’t any pressing issues in the African continent that could use any of his ‘venture capital (ist)’ brand of assistance. There’s little glamour in disease or starvation, and if you feed people, you probably won’t get much of a return on your venture capital investment. – if there’s no eventual return, why donate money?

Another shining example of paying one’s fair share can be found in Stewart Milne. No word yet on whether he’s paid the city back the money he owes. Like me you’re probably thinking it’s we who should be giving Milne money, but in fact he owes us some £1.7 million.

I’m sure he had a great reason for this transfer, even if to us less wealthy people it seems like a transparent ploy to avoid paying what he owed the city. Actually, after he appealed all the way to the highest court in the land, even the law couldn’t see why he needed to do that transfer, and he was ordered to pay the city some profit and interest.

I’m sure that with this newly-found enthusiasm for cracking down on tax avoiders, the police and local government mandarins they’ll be straight onto the rich who owe us a few million pounds eventually. But let’s go for the poll tax dodgers first; there’s no sense in upsetting of our wealthy worthies.

Since we’re on the subject of how cleverly the police can find the poll tax avoiders, I thought I’d let you know that alas! They are unable to find any trace of the investigation they were meant to do when the Kate Dean administration sold parcels of land for peppercorn prices. Audit Scotland couldn’t decide if it was incompetence or fraud at work; the value was c. £5 million pounds, and the police were going to investigate.

Doubtless there were excellent reasons why our cash poor city was slashing services while doling out real estate parcels like sweeties; I’m sure it all made great commercial sense. To someone. Note: Stewart Milne still has contracts worth some £10 million with the city, awarded just around the time he was given that valuable land. Something about ‘leveraging’ comes to Old Susannah’s mind, but that can’t be right.

The courts are so stretched that we’re considering lopping off a few human rights and old legal rights that are way out of date (corroboration, evidence, little things like that).

The police claim to be so stretched they couldn’t possibly implement any form of control over air rifles, wildlife crime, burglaries and so on. Still, there is time to spy on private people’s emails and calls, and to infiltrate protest groups. I guess you have to figure out your priorities. But we’ll find time and money to go after the poll tax avoiding rabble.

of course nuclear energy is a big part of the solution

So let’s name and shame the people who didn’t chip in all those years ago. We had a fair taxation system, based on everyone paying a tax based on the value of the place they lived in.

This was also a great way to get those pesky older people out of valuable houses that they’d saved up for and bought; if they had been silly enough to buy a great home then the poll tax was going to make them pay for it.

Perhaps we should bring this tax back? Our council tax is great as far as it goes, funding all the great schemes we’ve paid for over the years – but I think that extra few drops of blood could be extracted if we went back to the poll tax. No tax payment, no vote. Now that’s democratic.

Clean Energy: (Modern English compound noun) Forms of energy which have little or no elements of waste, pollution health risk or environmental damage from their extraction through to their end products and waste materials.

One thing we can all be proud of is how we’re tackling our energy problems, and of course nuclear energy is a big part of the solution. We have had great successes around the world in Russia and Japan for instance, and if the odd trace of radiation from Chernobyl wound up in the Scottish Highlands, that’s no big deal.

Here in Scotland we have our own Dounreay plant a shining example of clean energy at its finest.

Granted, at present, a ship carrying ‘intermediate level’ radioactive waste from Dounreay caught fire, and is drifting around. An oil rig has been evacuated. But no fear: Police Scotland are monitoring the situation. (I particularly like the energy efficiency in sending these concrete-encased blocks of radioactivity sailing round the world, down road networks, and over rail lines. I’m sure this is all quite green).

Some detractors might have a criticism or two of this great plant; for instance the MOD was accused of covering up information on radioactive leaks. I’m sure they’d never do such a thing; here’s an article that I find very reassuring.

And here are some further articles that are nothing to worry about from Rob Edwards. So a few trucks were carrying radioactive waste when they were meant to be decommissioned, no harm done. And if further information is being kept secret, why worry. If we needed to know, they’ll tell us.

Remember, nothing can go wrong with nuclear power. Neither the police nor the MOD would lie to you; there’s no reason to think they would. But just in case something does ever go wrong, we can always ‘duck and cover’.

A Man For All Seasons: (English Idiom) a person who is very successful in a variety of activities / situations. See also Nick Clegg.

Nick Clegg is surely our man for all seasons. This week he’s been leading his party’s conference with stirring speeches and setting the tone. He’s been making pledges for people with health problems to be seen more quickly – if only he had some power and could implement changes like that now.

But not only is he going to buy more with less tax money, he’s shown a few attractive sides to his personality that we’d not seen before.

Earlier this week, he shown us that despite his talents and position, he’s really one of us. He’s not just the unshakable, constant tough and attractive guy we all think he is. As mentioned earlier, he actually appeared wearing jeans. Some of the buttons on his casual but smart top were unbuttoned as well; he really knows how to let his hair down, and is just like us.

Then just when you think you know the man, he comes back to speak wearing a suit! It was as if he was taking control; it was a very masterful moment, and I’m glad I’ve taped his performance to watch again and again. It’s amazing someone can have such diametrically opposed sides.

Then again, it was the same Mr Clegg who promised there would be no tuition fees when he got voted in as part of the LibDem/Conservative coalition that’s steered the nation to the great place it’s in today. I guess he doesn’t like to brag too much about his past successes. Either that, or there were too many to mention.

He told his party conference in Glasgow he would not “seek to distance” the Lib Dems from the coalition’s record. Well, he wouldn’t, would he?

And then, just as you think Nick is happy to be associated with the coalition which he is in, he makes a wee remark that make you wonder if that’s true. Case in point comes courtesy of the guardian:

“Nick Clegg has instructed his leading ministers to “brutalise” the Tories …In a sign of how coalition relations have descended into trench warfare in the run-up to the election, the deputy prime minister has told senior Liberal Democrats to reach out to “soft Tories” by saying that the chancellor is taking Conservatives back a decade to the era of the nasty party.

“The instructions from Clegg, who accused the Tories of “beating up on the poor”, came as the opening of the Liberal Democrat conference was dominated by speculation about future coalition partners if voters elect another hung parliament in May’s general election.”

I’d be the last person to say that Clegg changes his positions as often as he changes his clothing, particularly as he looked so cool in those denims. Still, I sometimes wonder if the Lib Dems are every bit as consistent as they seem to be.

But all this talk of Nick is making me overheated. I’ll be off to BrewDog for some liquid refreshment to cool down a bit. But happy birthday to the Aberdeen BrewDog bar, and many more.

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Carpenter & May Band, Blue Lamp – A review

Articles, Opinion No Responses »

Oct 102014

By David Innes.

Almost Blue Promotions, to the delight of main man Martin Raitt, is starting to go places.

Or at least fill them, but the one downside to this increasing popularity is that they seem to attract a small
proportion of punters there to socialise noisily rather than watch and listen to the high quality acts now prepared to travel to our city.

It’s not unique to shows in Aberdeen; it’s a growing problem everywhere, disrespectful to performers, to audience members who can behave appropriately and to promoters like Martin who work hard to bring great music to what has been, for years, a neglected geographical backwater.

Fortunately, Tim Carpenter and Fred May, with co-conspirators Matt Flinner (banjo and mandolin) and the mischievous Todd Phillips on bass, delivered more than enough scintillating, swinging bluegrass to delight those there for the right reasons on the final night of their week-long Would It Kill You To Buy A CD? tour of Scotland.

The band’s stirring set was a sublime combination of fleet-fingered instrumentals and respectful and often unique takes on material by, among others, Merle Travis, Flatt and Scruggs, Tom Paxton, The Mississippi Sheiks and Woody Guthrie.

‘When You’re Smiling’ has been recorded, re-packaged, kicked around and generally abused by performers and producers alike since Satchmo made it a standard in the 1920s, but in the hands of these maestros it was delivered with almost visible swing and jaw-dropping instrumental prowess.

Everybody and their bar band has covered a Lennon and McCartney song, but We Can Work It Out is rarely given a makeover, never mind such a wistful but energetic 22-string melodic assault. I’m sure that Tim’s guitar solo is making George Harrison smile somewhere.

The band’s great friend, fiddler Ian Patton joined them for two emotional Celtic-flavoured tunes before, charging to a finish, Neil Young’s Out On The Weekend and Bill Monroe’s Jerusalem Ridge were given loving and lively Carpenter and May treatment.

Two encores, vociferously demanded, somehow managed to bring together the diverse and divided-by-decades joys of Dire Straits and The Stanley Brothers, as these marvellous craftsmen’s versatility and interpretive abilities dazzled the 80-strong Lampie crowd, privileged to be witnessing one of the live musical events of the year.

Links:

http://www.carpenterandmay.com/
http://youtu.be/RRaCLV3qYt4
http://youtu.be/HXhoc0_KeaM
www.almostbluepromotions.com

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New Deal For Railways Great News For NE Passengers

Aberdeenshire, Opinion No Responses »

Oct 102014

MSP, Dr Eilidh Whiteford welcomes new rail franchise announcement. With thanks to Paul Robertson

Dr Eilidh Whiteford, MP for Banff and Buchan, has welcomed the announcement by Scottish Government Transport Minister of a new deal for Scotland’s railways, with a new franchise agreement that will see reduced fares and better working conditions for staff.

Operator Abellio, which will take on the running of the £6billion franchise from 1 April 2015. Abellio will move their UK HQ to Glasgow creating 50 new jobs alongside 150 jobs secured from First.

As a result of the new deal, passengers and staff will enjoy a range of benefits including advance fares starting at £5 between Scottish cities and a commitment to earnings of at least the Living Wage for all staff and subcontractors.

The deal also includes at least 100 apprenticeships; a guarantee of no compulsory redundancies; rail staff pensions and travel rights protected; free wifi on all trains; a new approach to cycling with more than 3,500 parking spaces and bike-hire at a number of stations; 80 new trains due to arrive at start of December 2017; 23 per cent more carriages across the network.

Commenting, Banff and Buchan MP Eilidh Whiteford said:

“The new contract is great news for passengers in the North-east.

“The new deal will rejuvenate our rail service and deliver a first class service that will rival any public transport system in Europe.

“A large investment in new trains in the coming years is a welcome development in shortening journey times, and the pledge of £5 fares between Scotland’s major cities is a great step towards making public transport an affordable alternative to taking the car on long journeys.

“The pledge to pay Living Wage to all employees including subcontractors and the commitment to no compulsory redundancies is welcome news for those railway workers and with all staff to have their rail staff pensions and travel rights protected, this really does represent a better deal.

“The establishment of a new Scottish training academy will also help build a better rail industry for the future – and the commitment to 100 apprenticeships will help get things off to a flying start.”

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Graffiti Moments No 51 – Pantsy

Aberdeenshire, Featured, Opinion No Responses »

Oct 102014

Duncan Harley and Janice Catto take cognisance of the political comments on a wall near you.

As part of our ongoing research we went off to Moray recently in the hope of meeting the artist known as Pantsy, a post-pubescent master of public wall art. A bag full of aerosols plus some cardboard stencils do not a painter make but in truth Pantsy is the biscuit.

Innes Links hosts a healthy population of red squirrels, a good few Comma butterflies and boasts a quite stunningly intact 1940’s vintage coastal gun battery facing out to sea in the direction of far off Norway.

We Scots love Norway, honest injuns, but in the dark distant days of 1940 there were paranoid fears that the Scottish coastline offered an easy landing place for Hitler’s troops.

If there had been comments on a loo wall near you in 1940, they would no doubt have read “NORWAY SUCKS –NO MORE BOMBERS PLEASE” and “FUCK HITLER UP HIS ARSE.”

Norway of course had been invaded by the German army and was now a base for the Luftwaffe bomber crews.

Bad hair days indeed.

The Innes Links Battery near Lossie nowadays features a couple of gun emplacements, two searchlight casements plus a small coastal rangefinder housing.

There are the obligatory latrines, an ammunition bunker or two, some slit trenches plus a few thousand anti invasion blocks. All were manufactured by Polish refugee troops employed as forced labour by a local building company awarded the contract for General Ironside’s 1940 anti invasion plan defences.

No invasion came by sea and the Innes Links Battery never fired a shot in anger. Hitler’s bombers however, crewed by the nice young men of the Luftwaffe, roamed the skies over the Aberdeenshire and Moray coastline killing at will for several years until it became clear that the dice were rolling against them.

In the true spirit of humanity, the coastal battery has latterly been put to new use as a place for folk to party, BBQ and have a few beers. The bland exterior of concrete painted camouflaged brown, cream and green has long faded but Pantsy and his mates have added a few pieces of colourful art to brighten up the somewhat outdated 1940’s interior décor.

Broken glass litters the embankment and the raised shingle beach hides urine filled overlapping pillboxes every 600 yards or so. A blue abandoned sleeping bag sits facing seawards among the thistles alongside a toppled line of anti-tank defences painted with the words “The Unknown.”

Facing out to sea there are a few additional words in Polish which I am reliably informed criticise Winston Churchill for exploiting his Polish allies:

“Dlaczego kurwa tutaj przyjechaliśmy by bronić Polskę i pomóc Churchillowi, skoro jedyne co teraz robimy to mieszamy beton dla tych Brytyjskich drani.”

No tanks ever came ashore here although Pantsy invaded from somewhere inland in 2009.

His major work here is a devil horned black suited figure on the back wall of Battery “B”.
The gun, a first war 18 pounder salvaged from a scrapped Ironclad, is long gone of course, having been itself scrapped in 1946, however the implication of the artists mural is obviously “don’t mess wi’ us pal!”

Somewhat oddly, the neighbouring concrete gun batteries are more or less artless.

Battery “A” sports a banal white painted “SPLAT” alongside the faded instruction to “CHECK WITH HQ S12B BEFORE FIRING” while the rangefinder housing has the words “SHIT HAPPENS HERE” sprayed on the back wall alongside a three testicled penis.

The searchlight positions, and there are two of these, are similarly bereft. No one has so far gone to the length of even a “Mo Mo was here” statement. Perhaps true graffiti needs hidden makars.

Overall, Pantsy gets our vote for originality here since his work is precise and without equal amongst the Innes Links collection. Efforts to track him down have so far failed although, as always, our spies are out.

Next week we will take a look at Pantsy’s nemeses, pre-pubescent Giant Master Wullie.

Yours creatively, Duncan and Janice

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A Mither

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Oct 032014

By Bob Smith.

A mither’s love is eynless
A mither’s love nivver tires
A mither’s love kens nae bounds
A mither’s love inspires

A mither gied ye a bosie
Fin ye fell an skin’t yer knee
A mither syne telt ye aff
Fer climmin up aat tree

A mither’s maist affa wise
An telt ye wrang fae richt
A mither jist shook her heid
Fin thocht ye nae aat bricht

A mither she aye listen’t
As ye hit een o yer lows
A mither gied ye spunk
Ti tackle aa life’s woes

Ay myn o aat gweed wumman
Be she mither, mum or mam
Fowk aa ower the warld
Should toast mithers wi a dram

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie”2013
Image: © Melissa M. Morris | Dreamstime Stock Photos
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ACC 2013 Taxes: A Good Year For Usual Suspects

Aberdeen City, Opinion 8 Responses »

Oct 032014

Previous administrations sold off property at a fraction of real value (funny, no one can find the details of the police investigation that was meant to happen – watch this space). They also wrote off £11 million in unpaid debts. Here is a snapshot of where you tax money was deployed last year. The trend of arms’ length bodies, quangos, quasi-charities, consultants and private companies hiving tax money off continues apace. Here is a small snapshot of where some of your money has gone. By Suzanne Kelly

Congratulations to Sir Ian Wood, lifetime achievement winner of a Northern Star business award. How wonderful.
A ceremony was held this past week; dignitaries ate dinners, media bodies were hired (Fiona Armstrong, compere) to appear and/or film this event, run by the Chamber of Commerce.

As self-congratulatory beanfeasts are concerned, this is not without precedent. But perhaps you should realise that you are helping to fund all these events at least in part, while being told there is little in the way of funds to keep schools open, to help the homeless, to provide round-the-clock care to those who need it and so forth.

Figures for this year’s awards are not made public, nor are they ever likely to be completely transparent, as there are now so many entities taking a slice of the pie.

Last year charity Station House Media Unit received some £2,300 for filming this event. The Chamber of Commerce has received a huge sum of money from us this year. During the Union Terrace Gardens referendum, it sent invoices between ACSEF unnamed contractors and the city council footed the bill.

When asked to name some of these suppliers – for instance whoever it was who received £150 (give or take) for a photo commissioned to show that UTG was ‘inaccessible’ (there is a huge sloping entrance by His Majesty’s Theatre), the Chamber wrote to say it was a private entity, and as such was not required to explain a thing.

A long, long time ago if you paid your tax, the government would directly use your money to buy goods services and employ people. Alas, this led to huge problems – such as your being able to clearly trace how much of your money was spent and where it went.

This is the age of the devolved responsibility entity, of quangos, special purpose vehicles and other entities which serve to obscure where your money goes and make salaries paid to those who act in these middle-man bodies invisible.

Tax money here in Aberdeen flows rather steadily to bodies such as Aberdeen Inspired, ACSEF, Aberdeen Chamber of Commerce, Station House Media Unit, and a host of consultants large and small.

While some of these bodies undoubtedly do good work – did they really provide value for money in 2013? And those that are social enterprises – does that put them above scrutiny? Does doing charitable work or providing training mean that any transparency as to how taxpayer money is spent should go out the window?

Here is a brief outline of how Aberdeen taxpayer’s money was employed in 2013 in a few situations.

A Tree For Every Citizen.

With great pride, Councillor Aileen Malone explained that this scheme had to be done in the most cost-effective way: it was only fair to the taxpayers seemed to be her approach. She was the convener of the Housing & Environment Committee, and pushed this scheme through claiming shooting the existing deer on Tullos was the only affordable thing to do for this great scheme (see Aberdeen Voice issues past).

In 2011 the taxpayer coughed up some £40,000 pounds to kill deer, raise fences and spray pesticide on the trees.

Here is a look at the invoices paid in 2013 for keeping the Tree for Every Citizen scheme going (note – this may not be a full list of costs):

Company/Consultant	Invoice date	Brief Description	Amount inc. VAT
Bryan Massie	19/12/13	TFEC – Site management, weeding	2493.49
Bryan Massie	(invoice 629)	TFEC – Tullos maintenance	9,943.98
Bryan Massie	17/5/13	TFEC – herbicides – St Fitticks, Westfield, Seaton, Balgownie	4303.80
Bryan Massie	17/5/13	TFEC – Tullos ‘beating up’ and tree shelter	16,682.04
Bryan Massie	12/2/13	TFEC – Tullos	28,968.00
		Sub Total	62,391.31
C J Piper / Chris Piper (noted for report claiming only a ‘vociferous minority’ objected to the TFEC scheme, said report not mentioning the tens of thousands of pounds he would be paid)	1/10/13	Preparation of strategy; time at £375 per day	12,000
C J Piper / Chris Piper	26/9/13	Scoping, survey, spatial plans	6,000
C J Piper / Chris Piper	26/7/13	Professional fees £950; travel 675	6,000
		Sub Total	24,000
Minimum cost to taxpayer 2013 for Tree For Every Citizen Scheme			86,391.31

Combined with previous expenditures of £83,598 known to have been spent on the scheme, perhaps we could have let the meadow and the deer stay. (note: a petition asking for full disclosure of the costs, and a moratorium on shooting more deer until population figures are known at the least is awaiting approval from the city for its wording; it will be launched soon. This petition will also ask for a ‘comfort letter’ from the SNH/Forestry Commission: the city had to pay £43,800 back for the failure of Phase 1).

So £83,598 added to the above £86,391 makes £169,989. How the procurement exercise for our experts was carried out likewise remains a mystery.

Fence-Sitting.

But if Aileen Malone insisted fences were too expensive back in the day she had the deer shot as being an economical solution (in logic defying animal welfare charities such as the Scottish SPCA and Animal Concern) – she did have a point: fencing is rather expensive. Here is a summary of invoices received from Alpha Fencing in 2013:

Alpha Fencing.

Invoice date	Brief Description	Amount inc. VAT
26/314 (included in 2013 accounts)	Airyhall	20,333
26/3/14		8,205
30/8/13	Duthie	4,671
22/8/13	Glashieburn	2,185
4/2/13		8,939
12/8/13		7,875
	Total	52,208

Perhaps there are other fencing contractors; Alpha catches the eye as they were involved in work on Tullos. If other fencing contractors likewise earned money from the taxpayer last year, perhaps we will be told what companies are involved.

Big Loser.

One area in which money was saved concerned the loss of the Big Partnership contract. Despite having operatives charging between £40 and £65 per hour, the invoices were not huge, and stopped c. May 2013.

Stewart Milne.

Stewart Milne’s companies have not done too badly out of the Aberdonian taxpayer. There was the small matter of land in Westhill sold to one of the Milne companies for a pittance, with the understanding that any profit would be shared with the city. That never happened and the Milne entity took the city to the highest courts in the country before losing (cost of this legal action unknown).

At the same time, the Milne machine won work worth nearly £10 million. In 2013 invoices submitted for contracts with Milne were as follows:

Brief Description	Amount
Hayton Road	30,044
Bryon Park	47,130
Rorie Hall	28,097
Total	105,271

Aberdeen Inspired

Perhaps someone from Aberdeen Inspired will be inspired to share with the business rate payers – i.e. the consumers – precisely what it does with all of the money it is given from the council. We’ve had bunting; the city has stumped up extra money for those trash compactors dotting the street. (nb – is there no waste segregation in these bins and if not, are we not just adding to landfill by using them?).

Inspired has also decided to use mobile phone signals to trace our footfall in the area; tracking how much time is spent inside a shop for instance. Data protection lobbyists are very concerned about the technology involved; Inspired insists it is completely anonymous.

At any rate, what is kept secret is how much anyone connected with Inspired is paid, how their procurement process works, and who is making the decisions. In case you think there is nothing more to Inspired than small change for craft stalls and banners, here is what they received from ACC last year:

Invoice date	Brief Description	Amount inc. VAT
2/10/13	Bid Levy Collection, both outstanding and collection, plus VAT	148,326.32
2/7/13		715,292.94
14/2/14 (in 2013 accounts)		30,038.73
12/8/13		28,235.52
29/3/13		21,695.80
2/10/13		9,550.00
	Subtotal re Bid Levy	953,139.31
4/12/13	Trash bins	18,489.60
25/10/13	Trash bins	18,489.60
(date unclear)	Ice rink	12,000.00
(date unclear)	‘wayfinding project’	31,830.60
	Subtotal non Bid Levy	80,809.8
Total invoiced by Bid/Inspired to ACC 2013		1,033,949.11

It would be interesting to see where all of this money has been used, what the overheads including salary are, as the tattered bunting blows in the breeze. No doubt some good work has been done – but what is the cost, what has been done with this consumer-generated, taxpayer-supplied million pounds: and has it resulted in increased sales for those who voted the scheme into existence?

SHMU

Station House Media Unit engages in training, and helping disadvantaged area residents interested in the media; it publishes brochures for and/or with the council. Last year SHMU was criticised when it used photographs created by people who had not given advance permission and who had not been offered payment for their work – this would be a standard business practice for any publisher.

SHMU reacted badly to exposure of this situation; it may well be a charitable institution doing good work – but that does not put it above scrutiny.

Considering that so much of its funding comes from the public, it would be interesting to see what salaries are paid, what the overheads are, how procurement is done, etc, etc. – but again, this is a body that while funded largely by the public is not accountable to the public under Freedom of Information legislation.

Here is a selection of some of the funds SHMU received last year: the Council had 43 pages of documentation pertaining to funds sought / funds released to SHMU:

Invoice date	Brief Description	Amount
29/11/13	Pertains to community support fund grant offer;	1,624
31/5/13	Filming Start Awards (Chamber of Commerce award ceremony to business; Sir Ian Wood received a lifetime award in 2014)	2,300
	Quarterly funding of 13,750/quarter	55,000
Winter 2013; Spring 2014	7 community magazines	11,929
4/12/13	Additional cost for 7 magazines	1,624
(date unclear)	Training	8,500
7/12/13	Connecting communities through community media	16,750
Sub total for this selection of SHMU invoices		97,727

There were a number of youth employment-related invoices as well.

But far and away the biggest earners of the invoices examined were the Chamber of Commerce and PricewaterhouseCoopers.

Secret Chamber.

The Aberdeen and Grampian Chamber of Commerce acted as a de facto go-between during the Union Terrace Gardens referendum; ACSEF would commission work across a wide spectrum of services and price brackets. This would be invoiced to the City Council via the Chamber of Commerce.

Invoices of this type seen by Aberdeen Voice did not disclose who or what organisation performed the work undertaken. What procurement procedures were followed and if any ACSEF members directly benefitted from these invoices remains unclear at present: there seems to be no obligation ACSEF or the Chamber of Commerce to say how taxpayer money was spent.

Thirty one documents were presented by the City Council’s finance office covering invoices and funds paid to the Chamber in 2013. Some were for miniscule amounts such as breakfasts. Some were just a bit larger:

Invoice date	Brief Description	Amount
29/11/13	Sponsorship of transport to Rio	£542.48
30/4/13		2112.00
28/6/13		2112.00
13/11/13		324.00
29/11/13		542.48
18/6/13	Northern Star	7,800.00
1/10/13	Membership	2,838.00
6/8/13	Offshore Europe Breakfast	588.00
28/2/13	Research	4,560.00
31/12/13	Research	4,560.00
28/2/13		1080.00
31/12/13		540.00
29/11/13		2,160.00
29/11/13		7,020.00
20/2/13		1,140.00
Total for approx. half of the 2013 invoices		£37,918.96

Beancounters Beanfeast.

The accounting firms have done quite well this year. KPMG made a tidy £10,740; this was positively modest compared to PricewaterhouseCoopers.

PwC may be remembered for its projections during the UTG referendum: its projections for the web’s construction and associated prosperity were, shall we say, enthusiastic. As per an earlier article on the subject:

“PricewaterhouseCoopers have come up with some grandiose projections including the creation of some 6,500 permanent jobs and £122 million flowing into Aberdeen every year until c. 2023: all because of the granite web. PricewaterhouseCoopers were first paid £41,000 and change for TIF-related work in March 2010. Other invoices followed, and so far I have been shown by Scottish Enterprise £71,000 worth of PwC invoices.”

The firm still enjoys the generosity of the Aberdonian taxpayer. Its consultants received hundreds of pounds per day each; its invoices covered a spectrum of services from the (scandal-hit) crematorium to fraud work. Here is a list of their 2013 invoices to ACC in round figures:

Invoice date	Brief Description	Amount
15/7/13	Pinewood	1,800
3/2		170,949
20/3/13	HMRC	1800
15/7/13		9,600
15/10/13		5,200
9/7/13		2,400
3/12/13		33,270
17/7/13		30,229
16/9/13	(included c £19K for crematorium)	78,142
15/4/13		165,889
18/12/13		59,281
21/11/13		86,540
8/11/13		13,678
1/5/13		2,940
29/5/13		11,206
6/8/13	Letter to HMRC	900
Total to PricewaterhouseCoopers 2013		673,824

Summing Up.

The city has joined the ranks of other municipalities that have ‘outsourced’ functions in order to save money. This growing trend does not always stand up to scrutiny. Consultants are needed to run services which, if were previously not-for-profit when in the public sector, need to be profitable for those who have chosen to run them.

In days gone by, the reason people paid tax was that there were some functions – education, good health care, etc. – which ideally should be free of the need to turn a profit. Our taxes were meant to benefit the people and the causes that needed help.

As more and more outsourcing is done, transparency moves away. The city’s accounts this year allude to an incident of fraud. Is it possible that the more people and entities that grow around managing services, the higher the chance there is of fraud? Does the increasing lack of transparency lend itself to those who would commit fraud?

Can a private company such as PricewaterhouseCoopers that stands to make money if (for instance) a granite web is built be entirely trusted to be 100% impartial on weighing up the practicalities of a project which would benefit its profit line?

Should the city weigh more carefully how its arm’s length bodies engage in procurement? From the 2013 figures, a case could be made that the city needs to look into its financial arrangements more carefully (and that’s before we look at the costs of outsourced health care).

Audit Scotland had some strong recommendations to the council several years back. If lessons have been learnt, let’s hope we get a clearer picture in the future of where our money is going.

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Aberdeen 2 St Mirren 2 – Pittodrie Stadium 30.09.14

Opinion, Sport No Responses »

Oct 032014

Aberdeen threw away a victory against St Mirren with some slack defending and not enough bite up front, despairs Voice’s Andrew Watson.

In the last match report it was surprising there were so many yellow cards, four being the number.

Well, this game went one better, if that’s the way to put it.

The initial frenetic pace, the hunger displayed by all in racing to be the first to every ball, befitted the five cautions shown in this outing.

There were plentiful chances from both teams early on in the first half, with St Mirren smashing one off the top of the crossbar. The Reds then had a corner.

David Goodwillie’s blocked effort found Mark Reynolds. Pittodrie’s sole current Scotland international buried it into the net seconds before the whistle for half time.

1-0 Aberdeen!

After the interval, 56 minutes into the game, Jonny Hayes’ cross more or less eluded Goodwillie but came to Peter Pawlett.

The shot was most unlike a lot of Dons goals. Instead of passing it into the net, it was hit from reasonable distance. A pleasure to watch.

2-0 Aberdeen!

Only a minute later St Mirren clawed one back.

Jamie Langfield really should have asserted himself and come out to grab the ball. His hesitation cost the Dons dearly.

Not that his defence exactly covered themselves in glory. Particularly Ashton Taylor, perhaps less so Hayes.

2-1 (Callum Ball).

Niall McGinn left the pitch on the 70 minute mark, with Andrew Considine coming on. Pawlett came off after 79 minutes; with Cammy Smith coming on.

Four minutes from normal time the Buddies got a penalty. Reynolds was the culprit, and in being so he undone the great work he did at the death of the first half.

2-2 (Kenny McLean).

Aberdeen will rue the chances missed throughout this game. Let’s hope they can shake off the frustration of this night and in the process become far more clinical in their finishing.

At the very least they really have to stop leaking goals, because at this rate doing so is the only way they’ll win games.

Final score: 2-2.

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