Scottish Archives - Page 10 of 31

Nae Trust In Politishuns

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Apr 252014

By Bob Smith.

Trust in oor politishuns
Is noo a bittie low
Self servin leein buggers
Is fit some polls div show

Even in auld Scotia
Ess thocht is jist as bad
Some fowk o aa ages
Think Salmond a “Jack-the-lad”

Noo Eck’s a superb orator
As politishun nae sae gweed
Coortin yon Rupert Murdoch
So’s SNP’s thochts he wull us feed

It’s nae fer the first time
“Wee Eck” his bin accused
O haen some secret meetins
An his poseeshun he’s abused

Some say he uses bluster
In Parlimint at Holyrood
Instead o answerin a question
Aboot the asker he’s fair rude

A freen o myn the ither day
His opeenion he did gie
Aboot politishuns in oor kwintra
He wisna complimentary

“Wee Eck” he thocht average
Nicola Sturgeon wis nae eese
Johann Lamont she wis useless
Aboot Ruth Davidson jist said Jeez

A’m nae a political animal
Een’s as bad’s the ither
Bi they fer independence
Or fer “Better Tigither”

Fin it cams ti September
Wull it bi hairt or heid?
Wull it cum doon ti believin
Fitivver shite they us feed?

So fit wye wull I vote
Wull it bi aye or no?
A dinna believe ony bugger
A’ll jist bide wi the status quo

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie”2014
Image: The Houses of Parliament, seen across Westminster Bridge.
Released into the public domain by Adrian Pingstone.

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Limericks an Gibberish [Pairt 2]

Creative Writing, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Apr 182014

Aberdeen Voice’s ‘poetry mannie in residence’ Bob Smith revisits the land of Lear and returns with more topical limericks.

There is a mannie ca’ed Trump
Fa is a maist affa grump
Fin nae gettin his ain wye
Wid lit oot ess cry
Menie a micht hae ti dump
.
There is a chiel named Tucker
Ti some he wis a richt f- -ker
Ti “The Donald” aywis fawnin
Fin the Trump era wis dawnin
Some fowk he played fer a sucker
.
A lad doon in Glesga ca’ed Ally
His team wisna able ti rally
The Gers hidna a clue
Their fans war fair “blue”
Raith Rovers war haen a ball eh?
.
There wis a young loon ca’ed May
Fer St Johnstone he won the day
Aiberdeen fans were pissed
Fin chunces war missed
Nae Cup Final fer Dandies in May
.
There is a mannie fae Muse
Fa tries ti mak us swally a ruse
“Fowks views we did heed
Bit gless biggins we need
Gweed views ye’ll jist hae ti lose”
.
Scotland’s First Meenister “Wee Eck”
Micht he hae the poond or the maik
Wull “big business” pull oot
An doon ti England fair scoot
Leavin Scotia’s economy a wreck
.
There is an MP ca’ed Miller
Fa didna pye back a the siller
She bint a fyow rules
Took us aa fer richt fules
Her hans nae langer on tiller
.
There is a chiel Davie Moyes
Fa tried oot aa o his ploys
Yet Man Utd got beat
Fans stairtit ti bleat
An oot their prams cam the toys
.
There wis young fella named Leigh
Fa plays fitba fer Celtic FC.
Is Griffiths jist a daft loon
Wi nithing unner his croon?
Or a dyed in the wool racist “b”?
.
A politican mannie Farage
On TV he fair wis in charge
Nick Clegg wis ootfocht
As mair votes he socht
Wull UKIP noo mount a barrage

There is a leader named Putin
In Crimea he fair pit the boot in
Maist fowk in Ukraine
Think the bugger a pain
Hopin aat’s the eyn o the shootin
.
There is a Prime Meenister Cameron
In Hooses o Parlimint is aye yammerin
We’re aa in it thegither
Like sister an brither
Hame ess message he is noo hammerin
.
There is a chiel named Pistorius
In Sooth Africa his life’s nae harmonious
In sheetin his quine
Wis he oot o his myn
Wis the relationship a bit acrimonious
.
There wis a quine named Peaches
Eence hid trouble wi media leeches
Noo the puir quine is deid
Wull the “vultures” noo feed
Aboot society fit dis ess teach us
.
There wis a mannie John Muir
Throwe America he likit ti tour
Some progress he thocht blind
Hurtin mair than mankind
Some criticism he hid ti endure
.
Lord Myners a chief fae the Co-opie
His reforms some thocht a bit ropey
He resigned on the spot
Sayin aat’s noo yer lot
The power struggle it is a bit dopey
.
There is a young prince ca’ed Dod
Fa’s the latest royalty bod
Some wifies wint aa gooey
Prince Dod thocht—a phooey
A’m a fartin an riftin wee sod
.
There wis a rhymer ca’ed Burns
His love life it took a fyow turns
Mony lasses he lo’ed
He stood oot in a crood
Did aat plooman poet Rabbie Burns
.
There wis an auld chiel ca’ed Bob
Writin poetry fer AV wis his job
Some thocht it wis great
Yet ithers fair got irate
As “grenades” he sometimes did lob.
.
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014

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Summer Fitness Drive for Female Football Fans

Aberdeen City, Events, Sport No Responses »

Apr 072014

With thanks to Dave Macdermid.

AFC female staff with Emma Fisher (centre front). Newsline Media Limited.

Following the very successful ‘Football Fans In Training’ initiative, Aberdeen Football Club, in partnership with the SPFL Trust, has announced that it’s running a similar programme for female supporters.
The 12-week physical activity and healthy eating course, commencing on Monday 21st April, is designed to help women become fitter and lose weight, and to maintain these changes on a long term basis.

Each week will involve a level of physical training at Pittodrie. A classroom session will advise fans on how to eat more healthily, and introduce easy steps that can be taken to become fitter.

The sessions will be delivered by AFC’s Claire Garrett and Emma Fisher. Claire commented:

“We are really pleased to offer our loyal female supporters the opportunity to participate in this enjoyable programme which, to date, has only been available to males. However, it has been recognised that there is both a requirement and a demand for our female fans to be included in the initiative.”

Emma added:

“The sessions will be taken by female members of staff for female participants and will create a comfortable environment for people to discuss any issues relating to weight loss or body confidence. We would also encourage fans to bring a friend along and give FFIT Women at AFC a go!”

For further information or to register for the programme, contact scott.duncan@afc.co.uk. Participants must be aged 35 and 65 and be at least a dress size 16.

Government Caps Welfare Budget But Won’t Curb Trident

News, Opinion 1 Response »

Apr 042014

Westminster to cap welfare.

With thanks to Stuart Donaldson, Constituency Officer to Christian Allard MSP.

In a recent debate on Child Poverty in Scottish Parliament, North East MSP Christian Allard slammed Labour, the Lib Dems and the Tories for voting at Westminster to cap welfare but refusing to put a cap on Trident.

Commenting the SNP MSP said:

“Save the Children has warned that the Westminster welfare cap will push 345,000 children into poverty in four years, yet Labour voted with the Tories.

“Labour, the Lib Dems and the Tories voted to put a cap on welfare but all are unwilling to cap spending on Trident.

“Only a vote for independence will ensure that we are no longer in the disgraceful situation where weapons of mass destruction are valued over the wellbeing of our children.”

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MSP Welcomes ATOS Decision to End Contract

Featured, News, Opinion 4 Responses »

Apr 042014

Christian Allard at Instant Neighbour foodbank.

With thanks to Stuart Donaldson, Constituency Officer to Christian Allard MSP.

North East MSP, Christian Allard has welcomed the decision by French company Atos to end its contract with the UK government early.
The company assesses people for benefits on behalf of the UK government and carries out tests to see if they are ‘fit to work’.

Commenting the French-born MSP said:

“It is telling that Atos are no longer willing to carry out these assessments on behalf of the Westminster government.

“The assessments, part of the welfare cuts agenda, are designed to harass and intimidate vulnerable people.

“This agenda is driving families further into poverty and emptying the shelves of local foodbanks in the North East.

“I would encourage those who feel strongly about these unfair tests to direct their anger at those responsible for implementing them, the Conservative and Liberal Democrat coalition at Westminster.

“There is an opportunity to do so this weekend with the Scottish Liberal Democrat conference taking place at the Aberdeen Exhibition and Conference Centre.”

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Aberdeen 1 Dundee U 1 – Pittodrie Stadium 29.03.14

Aberdeen City, Opinion, Sport No Responses »

Mar 312014

Aberdeen looked to be missing some key men in this sometimes intense yet drab affair, says Voice reporter Andrew Watson.

It was a grey and overcast afternoon which very much summed up some of the football that was being played.

The Tangerine faithful were on song, and gave their former players Barry Robson and Willo Flood stick.

As a riposte, the Red Army dug into their New Firm derby opposition with a rendition of ‘Dundee slums’.

To those none the wiser, it’s about eating rats and revelling in it, etc.

Moving on, it wasn’t long before Dundee United opened the scoring. They pounced onto a poor clearance from captain Russell Anderson and got an opportunists goal.

0-1 Dundee United (Paul Paton) on the 6 minute mark.

The rest of the half was very frustrating, and it was only after the break that the tide changed in Aberdeen’s favour. Niall McGinn moved up front alongside striker Adam Rooney, a timely tactical switch by gaffer Derek McInnes.

A combination of this formation alteration, and Robson’s dominance in set pieces, prevailed to level the game.

McGinn found Robson’s long ball, and headed only yards from the goal line.

1-1!

Cammy Smith came off for Declan McManus twenty five minutes later. The Dons endeavoured right into injury time to find the winning goal, but that clinical touch in the final third was amiss.

They’re sadly missing Jonny Hayes and Peter Pawlett, though their squad should really be strong enough to withstand the loss of only two players.

Final score: 1-1.

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Aberdeen 2 Kilmarnock 1- Pittodrie Stadium 22.03.14

Aberdeen City, Opinion, Sport No Responses »

Mar 232014

Two cheap goals at either end of the pitch in the early minutes of the first half ensured this to be a closely contested outing, writes Voice reporter Andrew Watson.

After some light drizzle it was a surprise that injured heroes Jonny Hayes and Peter Pawlett got wet via other means. That being the pitch sprinklers whilst parading the League Cup, five minutes prior to kickoff.
There was even The Human League being played on the tannoy so the fans could chant ‘Peter Pawlett Baby’ over their hit ‘Don’t You Want Me’.

The duo were sorely missed in the centre of the park, and that’s where Kilmarnock found their opening.

0-1 Kilmarnock (Kris Boyd) after 11 minutes.

The crowd proceeded for the remainder of the game to jibe Boyd with chants of ‘sumo’, digging at his weight issues over the years.

Aberdeen didn’t have to wait long for a response. Nicky Low and Adam Rooney passed between each other to force space in the box, and Rooney duly drilled into the corner on the 17 minute mark.

1-1!

There wasn’t much to write home about after that; in terms of the first half, anyway. However, Niall McGinn had a bit of a howler; missing at least two clear cut chances to put his team ahead.

Things appeared to be approaching into stalemate in the second half, but tactical changes ensured against this. Low was called to the bench in favour of Barry Robson after 61 minutes.

This geed up the Reds, and defender Mark Reynolds delivered a ball which Ryan Jack found on the 72 minute mark.

2-1 Aberdeen!

McGinn was then replaced by Declan McManus fourteen minutes later.

The Dons held their nerve against the Rugby Park men, eking out a valuable victory.

All in all it’s good they’re managing to win in such a fashion as this. I mean to miss numerous chances to score, and not to regret it.

Final score: 2-1.

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Aberdeen 1 Dumbarton 0 – Pittodrie Stadium 08.03.14

Aberdeen City, Opinion, Sport No Responses »

Mar 112014

There wasn’t much between the Dons and Sons in this Scottish Cup quarter final tie, recounts Voice reporter Andrew Watson.

Cold yet relatively windless, it was the match everyone thought would be a wipe out for the away side, and that Dumbarton would be swept away under a deluge of goals inflicted upon them by a stubborn Aberdeen side.

In reality, the only incident that put anything between the two teams was an Aberdeen goal after 53 minutes.

Set piece king Barry Robson found the head of Adam Rooney not long into the second half via a corner, where before, the Reds were generally under the cosh and were lucky not to be at least a goal down.

1-0 Aberdeen!

There were some hairy moments for the home side as the Championship outfit quested for an answer to Rooney’s effort.

Niall McGinn then came on for Cammy Smith after 70 minutes. Scott Vernon followed, replacing goal scorer Rooney on the 83 minute mark.

Robson left the pitch four minutes later, with Nicky Low coming off the bench.

It’s definitely good that Aberdeen are a side able to fashion themselves as a team able to grind out results when not everything is going their way.

On the other hand, it’s a tad worrying that they struggled so much against lower league opposition. They’ll have to turn on the style a tad more to beat teams like their League Cup rivals Inverness.

It could perhaps be put down to fatigue given the spate of fixtures they’ve had this last thirty days or so.

Final score: 1-0.

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Aberdeen 1 St Johnstone 0 – Pittodrie Stadium 1.03.14

Aberdeen City, Opinion, Sport No Responses »

Mar 032014

St Johnstone will be smarting after failing to secure a draw, let alone all three points, reasons Voice reporter Andrew Watson.

It was a chilly afternoon at Pittodrie, and the home crowd were treated to an early goal.

Ryan Jack from 25-yards out hit the ball with no real conviction or power and still managed to beat the keeper and all after only 8 minutes.

1-0 Aberdeen!

In all honesty there’s not much to report from there onwards. The McDiarmidPark men put the Dons under consistent pressure. They rattled shots of the post and sometimes their own bad luck, rather than ineptitude, kept them off target.

Goal scorer Jack left the pitch on the 63 minute mark, with Barry Robson replacing. Niall McGinn also came off for Cammy Smith.

15 minutes later Pater Pawlett came off for Nicky Low. The latter was involved in the second booking of ex-Reds striker Steven MacLean, and duly got him sent off for his troubles.

Aberdeen were definitely a tad lucky to come out as victors in this contest, and a draw would have been a fairer result. Had St Johnstone taken all their chances, they’d have been outright victors.

However, it’s good to see the Dandies hold on stubbornly to narrow leads. Competing at the top level requires an instinct to grind out results against stiff opposition.

If Aberdeen keep up this form, we’ll be looking forward to two cup finals and perhaps finish as runners up in the league.

Final score: 1-0.

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Aberdeen 2 Celtic 1 – Pittodrie Stadium 25.02.14

Aberdeen City, Opinion, Sport 2 Responses »

Feb 262014

Squeaky bum time for the duration, but a vital victory against an until now unbeaten Celtic side reports Voice’s Andrew Watson.

The wind blew through Pittodrie, and along with it came a rain which at times hailed horizontally.

The velocity of play was intense and made the mind boggle as to how it could be maintained throughout.

It didn’t take the crowd long to be up in arms.

The home support greeted Virgil van Dijk’s sending off as one would welcome a goal or a cup final. So after only 12 minutes, Celtic were down to ten men.

Although this somewhat evened up proceedings, Celtic managed to put Aberdeen under a lot of pressure regardless.

On the 41 minute mark, Niall McGinn found Jonny Hayes. The Dubliner took a chance from thirty yards and found the top corner, denting Fraser Forster’s clean sheet record.

1-0 Aberdeen!

Only 4 minutes later McGinn found on form Adam Rooney, whose diving header in turn found the net.

2-0 Aberdeen!

What proceeded in the second half was sustained pressure from the Parkhead men, and if I could blame anyone for what followed I would point to Alan Tate. His poor headed clearance handed Celtic a goal, and a way back into the game.

2-1 (James Forrest) after 62 minutes.

From where I was sitting, in the Main Stand, the Englishman could have made a pass back to Jamie Langfield, but opted to head out the box; which inevitably found Scott Brown.

Tate left the pitch on the 83 minute mark, with Joe Shaughnessy coming on. Shaleum Logan also came off to make way for Russell Anderson.

Peter Pawlett came off after 92 minutes to be replaced by Scott Vernon.

The Dons were definitely lucky to win this one, though it must be said that Celtic took for granted they’d eventually win the game.

Final score: 2-1.

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