May 152015
 

unionsttallpicBy Julia Ghisoni.

The Tilly that never droned, the Dane that never stoned,
The Sheddock that never sleyed, the Cove that never bayed.

The Airy that never halled, the King that never swelled,
The Bridge that never donned, the Hill that never tonned.

The Al that never tenned, the Berry that never denned,
The Rose that never mounted, the Heathry that never folded.

The Kin that never corthed, the Tull that never lossed,
The Hazel that never hie’d, the Foot that never dee’d.

The Kitty that never brewstered, the Mill that never timbered,
The Leg that never garted, the West that never ended.

The Rubi that never slawed, the Ash that never groved,
The Craigie that never buckled, the Burnie that never boozled.

The Cummings that never parked, the Inch that never garthed,
The Summer that never hilled, the Auchin that never yelled.

The Mas that never tricked, the Pow that never wissed,
The Manno that never fielded, the side that never Bielded.

The Queen that never crossed, the Mugie that never mossed,
The Cairn that never cried, the Wood that never side.

The Poyner that never nooked, the Drum that never oaked,
The Craigie that never loaned, the Kepple that never stoned.

The St. that never Machared, the burn that never Scattered,
The Stracht that never langed, the Grand that never holmed.

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Apr 232015
 

By Julia Ghisoni.RowiesRollsPancakes

Fa is it maks the best rowies?
Is it Murdoch Allan or Thains?
Or the Aberdeen Buttery Co.?
Or Aitken’s, I jist dinna ken
.
Far div ye ging for proper pies,
In proper pastry casings?
Ye dinna get them in Gregg’s
It’s Chalmer’s, Thain’s or Aitken’s ?
.
Pies wi’ chicken curry
Scotch pies, mince an’ tattie
There’s naethin’ sae fine for yer denner
Than a steak pie in a saftie.
.
The finest wee baker in Cults
Is soon tae be no more
Will Sainsbury’s sell decent pies
Fan Kelly shuts his door?
Div ye min The Baker’s Oven?
Mitchell Muil, Strathdee?
Low’s the baker in Torry?
Granite City Bakery?
.
Pies wi’ beans an’ tatties
Pies wi’ macaroni
Bridies, stovies, sassidge rolls
Pies wi’ mince an’ skirlie
.
The Gordon Baker, The Bedford
The Greenfern an’ The Byron
The Newton Dee an’ JG Ross
Oh fit rare, fit fine min.
.
There’s naewye like the ‘deen
If ye wint fine pies, it’s a caiker
Bide awa’ fae Gregg’s
An’ support yer local baker
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Apr 102015
 

By Julia Ghisoni.Bon Accord Lemonade Bottles by Stevan Hogg

Fae Greyhope Road, fully stowed,
The wagons crossed the toon,
Fae hoose tae hoose, wi’ crates o’ juice,
The Bon Accord ale loons.

Fae Auchinyell tae Counteswells,
Tillydrone tae Seaton,
Mass distribution o’ sugar solution,
For kids tae rot their teeth on.

They delivered Cream Soda an’ Bona-Cola,
In their orange motors,
Baith affa fine, for loons an’ quines,
Tae mak’ their ice cream floaters.

Syphons of soda, sweet Red Kola,
Orangeade like nectar,
No contest, they were always the best,
In the fizzy drink business sector.

Amongst fit they made, wiz Pineappleade,
Lime and Tropic too,
Peppermint cordial, that I thought wiz horrible,
Although the blackcurrant would do.

They drove their loads on a’ the roads,
Fae Summerhill tae Torry,
Throughout the ‘deen, there would aye be seen,
A Bon Accord ale lorry.

Image: Bon Accord Lemonade Bottles by Stevan Hogg. Creative Commons Licence

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Apr 012015
 

By Duncan Harley and Fred Wilkinson on behalf of the Aberdeen Voice team.

Bob_Smith_-_The_Poetry_Mannie_2

Aberdeen Voice’s ‘poetry mannie in residence’ Bob Smith, who passed away on March 5.

Bob Smith has passed away at age 74. He signed himself “Bob Smith © – The Poetry Mannie” and told us all that Doric wirds are mair expressive, than onything else ye micht hear.

In true Bob style he kept his last illness very quiet saying only that he was unable to write at the present.

His daughter Kerry later got in touch regarding his passing. He died at home.

To the best of our knowledge, his last published piece, The Wireless appeared in the February 2015 edition Leopard Magazine. A fitting tribute to the man’s talent, the poem reflects on past times when he was a loon.

Jimmy Shand, Sports Report and that Prince Charles favourite the Goon Show all get a mention.

This extract tells of Dick Barton Special Agent plus ace detective Paul Temple, famous sleuth and amateur private detective:

“The Wireless ah the memories
O listenin fin I wis a loon
On dark winters nichts roon the fire
Oor Ecko radio it  sure wis a boon

There wis Dick Barton Special Agent
Fa took on aa the baddies
It fair sharpened the imagination
O fowk like us as laddies

Paul Temple an ace dectective
As weel as yon PC49
Solvin aa the nations crimes
Their adventures I likit fine ……… “

Robert Smith was born and brought up on a farm in Skene, Aberdeenshire and educated at Garlogie Primary School and at Skene School. He only took up writing poetry after he retired.

Married to Linda, Bob’s daughter Kerry lives in Dubai. His son Steven sadly pre-deceased him in early 2014.

Bob worked for many years at Aberdeen Journals before taking early retirement to pursue his other interests which included the buying and selling of antiques, playing golf and passionately following the Dons. He proclaimed himself as their number one fan.

A deep love of the North East of Scotland, it’s landscape, it’s people, it’s traditions and it’s natural heritage are recurrent themes in Bob’s written work. Such passion would be expressed not only by celebrating such treasures, but also by questioning, satirising and pouring scorn on any figure or process which threatened or detracted from that which he held dear.

Bob reserved his hard hitting political comments for those whom he felt deserved them. Donald Trump, Sir Ian Wood and a good few Aberdeen councillors often got a good bashing both in the form of his letters to the local papers and his poetry, which was usually in the Doric.

Bob was widely published. A search for “Bob Smith” in the Aberdeen Voice search box will return around 100 of Bob’s Doric poems. There are of course many more.

When the man was asked if he knew of a poem in the Doric to use at a friend’s mums funeral, he replied in the negative but said he would immediately pen one. It was duly read out by a grieving grandson last November in an Aberdeen church to an audience of relatives. Bob of course was unrepentantly shy regarding his contribution to the ceremony, only saying that he was glad to help.

It would be comforting to think that this unpublished piece might become a classic. The Catto family have a cherished copy and if asked would no doubt share freely.

Alongside his weekly Aberdeen Voice column his Doric poems featured in Leopard Magazine and his take on the Turra Coo featured in the Scottish Review.

The Bonnie Dunes o Menie, stuff about Fitba and the Spikkin o Doric all came under his wry scrutiny.

Smithy’s Scribblins aboot the naitural warld included lines such as:

“Foo lang afore ess prophecy becomes a reality? And Weel the wye we’re gobblin up the Earth’s resources, maybe seener than ye bliddy think.

“The fowk fa war native tae America lang afore the supposed civilised warld visited their shores kent fine foo tae live alangside naitur.”

His take on Trump was less forgiving. But apart from a ribald comment or ten, Bob was content just to criticise the man thus:

The Donald’s bocht a golf resort
Doon on the Ayrshire coast
A’ll get ti host The Open
Wull noo be his prood boast

Thirty Five million he did spen
He got Turnberry fer a snip
Es o coorse micht mean
Interest in Menie taks a dip

Jist cast yer myn back
Fin winfairms he did detest
The mannie made a vow
In Scotland he’d nae mair invest

Fit ti mak o ess U-turn
As he cums crawlin back
Bein economical wi the truth
The chiel still his the knack

Hud on a wee meenitie tho’
It micht nae be plain sailin
The spectre o affshore winfairms
Cwid yet hae Trumpie wailin

Marine Scotland it his reported
Aboot a site jist oot at sea
Far ye cwid plunk win turbines
They’d be richt in Donald’s ee

Fergus Ewing says ess plans
Fer noo are aff the radar
Yet fair refused ti rule oot
Returnin ti them later

If a winfairm cam ti pass
Wid The Donald then renege?
Or wid he maybe in a rage
Blaw up yon Ailsa Craig

At Doonbeg he’d ti stop some wark
Did he nae hae richt permission?
He can tho’ noo  gyaang ahead
Maybe efter a new submission?

Micht Donald hae fresh concerns
A snail in Ireland is protectit
Bi speecial environmental laws
An ess canna be correctit

Trump says he’s gyaan ti wark
Wi environmentalists an sic fowk
If he’d deen aat ower in Menie
He micht nae bin classed a gowk

Noo ere’s nae doot the mannie
Oot the news he winna bide
Wull we next aa be hearin
The bugger’s bocht the River Clyde …

He wrote about many folk and commented wildly according to his well held views. Bob knew how to make those wee moments special.

In not so far off December 2013 he referenced some prophetic words by a Native American tribal leader by the name of Chief Seattle.

“A’ll leave the last wird tae a Native American tribal leader, Chief Seattle, fa said awa back in 1854:-

Humankind has not woven the web of life, We are but one thread within it.
Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves, All things are bound together.
All things connect.”

One of his most heartfelt classics is Spikkin Doric  published in the Voice some years ago, the piece reflects on the banning of the native tongue of the north east during the difficult days when locals were encouraged to speak the queens English and stand to attention when listening to the national anthem. Bob would have none if it.

A’ve ayewis spak the Doric
Sin a wis jist a loon
A dialect still weel loo’d
Fae the Spey tae Bervie toon

Fin a wis at the local skweel
In classrooms it wis banned
Ye were threatened wi the scud
Fit wid hae wairmed yer hand

Bit eence oot in the playgrun
It flowed oot o yer moo
An wi yer freens an neipers
Doric wisna thocht taboo

We canna lit iss language dee
It’s pairt an paircel o oor lan
The Doric an the North east
They aye gyang han in han

A’m  loathe tak in fit a’m hearin
Young fowk canna say “ch” as in loch
Fit’s the warld cumin tae
If ye canna git yer tongue aroon roch?

Doric wirds are mair expressive
Than onything else ye micht hear
Thunk hivvens fowk still spik it
In  kwintra placies like New Deer

The  braw wird  “dreich” a like
Instead o jist sayin “dull”
Or maybe gyaan “heelster-gowdie”
As ye tummle doon a hull

Robbie Shepherd he still spiks it
An a Doric sang he’ll sing
Sin the days o “The Garlogie Fower”
Iss chiel’s bin the Doric “king”

Lits aa fecht fer the Doric
Hae it taacht in aa the skweels
Instead o aa the lah-de-dahs
Thinkin the Doric is fer feels

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie

Fred, the Voice Team and I could of course go on. Robert is a man well missed by all who knew him. Well met and well written Bob, we miss you.

Comments are of course very welcome.

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Dec 112014
 
Kintore_Pictish_Stone_Gordon_Dfeat

Gordon Duthie and Kintore Pictish stone – Credit: Duncan Harley.

By Duncan Harley.

With the release of his third album Thran, North East singer/songwriter/musician Gordon Duthie reflects on the 74 year old event in which his great grandfather’s fishing vessel, Fraserburgh registered Steam Drifter SS Duthies was sunk in Montrose Harbour by the young men of the Luftwaffe.

Alongside titles such as Whisky Disco and Feel Loon did a Wildpoepen, Gordon’s tribute to Sandhaven built FR106 Duthies is just one of ten provocative numbers in this new offering.

A year in the making, Thran represents a significant shift from the themes of sadness and isolation expressed in previous albums.

Westhill based and with roots in both Fraserburgh and Kintore, Gordon is well placed to comment on all things North East. With previous albums Shire and City and Multimedia Monster under his belt, this new album uncovers a different side of the man.

“My granny always accused me of being thran,” says Gordon.

“but how else can I be and what else can I write about? I can’t see any point in writing about the likes of San Francisco – what do I know about the city?  – surely it must be better to write about where you know and belong.”

The explicit theme in this album is a politically charged nostalgia for simpler times. Moral values, the global culture of consumerism and the letting go of things come under scrutiny.

In Invisible Lines Gordon tackles the theme of poverty; Feel Loon refers to a place where “The only reality in this world is a place where no phone signal exists,” and concludes with the hopeful note that one day “You will open your mouth instead of your thumb.”

Mixed and Mastered by Thaddeus Moore of Sprout City Studios and combining voice, drum and pounding bass lines in an up tempo mix of styles, this is an album not to be missed.

For a man who started off his musical career as a four year old drummer on a temperance march Gordon Duthie has indeed come a long way.

Thran is available from most digital music stores and also direct from Gordon at www.gordonduthie.com

First published in the December 2014 edition of Aberdeen Leopard – All rights reserved ©

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Dec 052014
 

unionsttallpicBy Bob Smith.

I’m aul aneuch ti myn the time
Fin in a clean toon we did bide
Aboot  pavements an shop fronts
Local fowk they took great pride

Shopkeepers wi bucket an mop
They kept the place richt bonnie
Sad ti say o sic carin fowk
Ye dinna noo see aat mony

Washin doon their winda gless
So’s fowk cwid see their wares
Be it floorie baps an funcy pieces
Or polished aipples an sweet pears

There’s nae shops o aat kine
In oor main street ony mair
Jist phone shops an coffee shops
Union Street his lost its flair

Greedy landlords hikin up the rent
Hiv seen local shops in demise
Multi nationals and finance shops
They are  fair noo on the rise

Aboot 80% o their takins
Gyangs awa oot o iss city
Shareholders aa ower the country
Are smilin mairs the pity

Shoppers noo jist  hae a thocht
Fin next ye spend yer cash
It’s nae aa bidin in the toon
Wi local shops we’re nae awash

Union Street is fair sufferin
O aat there is nae doot
Supermarkets and shoppin malls
They’re takin aa the loot

The fate o oor local economy
Is in the  hauns o us aa
Support the local shoppies
Afore they gyang ti the wa

Ti mak oor toon spik an span
Wi hiv ti chynge the trends
O spittin oot oor chuddy
Or chukkin doon fag ends

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2011

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Nov 282014
 

ChristmasBy Bob Smith.

Christmas means a lot o things
Ti some it is present buyin
Ti ither fowk a time o hope
Ti the lonely it can bi tryin

“Gweed King Wenceslas leuk’t oot”
An aa the malls war  heavin
Fowk rinnin aboot like reid ersed bees
Fae bank balances cash wis leavin

Christmas time I like it fine
If aa ignore the retail farce
Fin some drink ower the score
An lan up on their arse

Christmas means bonnie music
Na nae the ringin o the tills
Bit brass bands an joyfu singin
As choirs show aff their skills

On the wireless tunes are played
Ti ma lugs es brings great joy
They bring oot aa the classics
A’ve kent sin a wis a boy

Christmas shud be a time o peace
As wi leuk up ti the stars
If onybody’s up ‘ere leukin doon
Aa they’ll see is bliddy wars

An yet in the midst o the Great War
Ae Christmas ‘ere wis brief respite
Fin Tommies an Jerries played fitba
An baith sides sang “Silent Night”

© Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
Picture Credit: Ian Britton. Freefoto.com
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Nov 212014
 

By Bob Smith.Seagulls - Credit:  Fred Wilkinson

Come freenly seagulls shite on heids
O fowk fa did some affa deeds
Saying gless boxes full oor needs
Shite on them aa
.
On fat cats fa are fair lax
On peyin their full whack o tax
An affshore accoonts use ti the max
Shite on them aa
.
Binge drinkers fa blight oor toon
An on oor streets they div fa doon
At wikk-eyns some like ti moon
Shite on them aa
.
Aulder weemin wi peroxide hair
Tho roots are showin they dinna care
Growein auld they fin hard ti bare
Shite on them aa
.
Bad drivers leave their abodes
Unleashed upon oor city roads
A danger ti cyclists and wee toads
Shite on them aa
Developers fa wee boxes bigg
Be it Portlethen or near NiggAboot the kwintraside dinna gie a fig
Shite on them aa
.
Some cooncillors an some MSPs
Fa tell us aa sic bliddy lees
Bring them doon  upon their knees
Shite on them aa
.
Fowk fa bide in Rubislaw Den
Foo the poor live they dinna ken
An dinna forget the money men
Shite on them aa
.
Come ye freenly seagulls flee
Ower the toon twixt Don an Dee
Ony modern architects ye div see
Shite on them aa
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
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[Aberdeen Voice accepts and welcomes contributions from all sides/angles pertaining to any issue. Views and opinions expressed in any article are entirely those of the writer/contributor, and inclusion in our publication does not constitute support or endorsement of these by Aberdeen Voice as an organisation or any of its team members.]

Nov 142014
 

sky-mountain-1By Bob Smith.

A hiv noo ti confess masel’
A’ve cursed fin it dis rain
Canna git on the gowf course
Greens flooded eence again

Bit hae a wee bit think fowks
If we didna hae the rain
Kwintraside aa leukin gizzent
Baith here an in Dunblane

Nae watter rinnin doon the hills
An inti oor rivers tumblin
The fairmers tryin ti growe craps
Wid fair hae cause fer grumblin

Nae greenery in hills or glens
Trees stuntit in their growth
Nae watter ti the distilleries
Noo aat wid raise an oath

Fin yer plowt’rin throwe the dubs
An aa the rainfa it is measur’t
Jist myn withoot the rain
We’d be like the Gobi desert

Gweed Lord lit the rain doon faa
On golden locks an baldy heids
Ca cannie wi hivvens’s watterin can
Jist aneuch fer aa oor needs.

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2012
 Image Credit: SKY MOUNTAIN 1 © Alexandru Mitrea | Dreamstime.com

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Nov 072014
 

bowlinghalloweenBy Bob Smith.

On a weel kent street in Aiberdeen
T’wis the nicht o yon Halloween
A fyow chiels dressed as skittles
War oot fer fun, booze an vittles

Doon on Belmont Street they war
Fin they cam upon a bobbie’s car
The loons they did staan their grun
An syne began aa the fun

The boys in blue in their car
Did a gweed job fer polis PR
The car becam the ten pin ba
The “skittles” aa pretendit ti fa

The video o es it wint fair viral
Wi loons bunk balances set ti spiral
A Yankee firm video richts hiv bocht
As mair “hits” on es is socht

Fit next fer the chiels next Halloween
Fin they tak ti the streets o Aiberdeen
They cwid aye dress up as Donald Trumps
Wid the bobbies dare ti “hit” their rumps?

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
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