Oct 152010
 

Old Susannah gets to grips with more tricky terms.

Firstly, two men here in Aberdeen held down a pet cat so their pitbull could savage it.  Let’s find them quickly.  Well done to the Council official who wrote to me a while back to say we didn’t have any problems with banned breeds, dog fighting, or dog owners who are encouraging problems.  That’s all I say on the matter without becoming less polite except keep an eye on your pets and keep them in at night.

Cheerier note – Old Susannah saw a man with a young child stop in the streets today, pick up someone else’s litter, and put it into a bin.  Can we have more like him please?

Dream Job

There are certain industries where there are so many perks and benefits, people are willing to take low paid jobs just to get their foot in the door and be part of the excitement.  In the film and television world, people willingly take lower salaries than in other business sectors – in exchange for this they get to go to film premiers, mingle with stars on occasion, and get access to movies.  People go into the music business to get free CDs, go to concerts, etc. and therefore happily accept less pay than they might get elsewhere.  And so it is with Council staff – they get the honour of walking the corridors of power and even sometimes getting a glimpse of Kate or Stewart – if they’re lucky.  Sometimes meetings (of which there is no shortage) have biscuits as well as tea and coffee.  You would think in those situations people wouldn’t ask for more money.  However, the local Unions have wild ideas.

First, there is some silly notion that men and women doing the same work should be paid the same amount of money.  Then some people actually want to be paid overtime for evenings and weekends.  Finally, the unions are asking for a pay rise higher than 1.5%!  Do these people really think that’s fair?  After all, for most of them, that would probably mean an extra candy bar a month.

If the experts nationally are correct, then inflation is running somewhere around 3%, so a 1.5% raise is perfectly fair for these privileged personnel.  Of course there is the odd suggestion now and then that the atmosphere in some of the Council departments is less than friendly, but that no doubt is sour grapes. I hope the Unions will realise just how lucky they are to be connected with our fantastic Council – perhaps they should all take a voluntary pay cut?  After all, the City does have serious expenses – such as finding some £235,000 to pay for 8 ’European and Diversity’ people.

Sustainable Growth

Sustainability is the watchword in public and private sectors these days; it’s almost as if there was some kind of limit on our resources.  Luckily past generations had the foresight to put land aside for ‘wildlife’ and ‘recreation’.   Examples of these can be found in Union Terrace Gardens, Loirston Loch and Sunnybank Park.  Thanks to those who preserved these lands, we are in a good place for some ‘sustainable growth’.  In order for Builders to keep growing their businesses, they have to keep building more things, and that means they need places to build on.  In order for the Council to keep growing, it needs more taxes from residents and businesses, so it needs to keep making new housing and new shopping malls and the like.  It would hardly do to use the existing buildings that are boarded up – that won’t help the builders.  Of course, a system based on continuous building can go on forever – well at least as long as there are green spaces to build on.

“On The Map”

Thank goodness:  Scotland is going to be “On The Map”!! Old Susannah’s invitation to RGU to see Sir Ian Wood give Donald Trump an honorary degree got lost in the post.  However, my spies told me Sir Ian’s immortal words which were along the line of thanking Mr Trump for his golfing development, which is going to put Scotland on the map for golf!  Is it possible Scotland will become a destination for golfers?  Watch this space!

Oct 082010
 

Old Susannah gets to grips with more tricky terms.

Two bits of good news this week – it seems a possible New Best Friend has been identified for fox batterer Derek Forbe.  Enter Mervyn New, 45, operations director for Marine Subsea UK, reported to prosecutors for shooting baby seagull chicks (too young to fly) from his Aberdeen office window. One was killed, the other suffered in a wounded state until put down.  Perhaps like Forbes it was a case self-defence for New.

It would have come as something of a surprise to find seabirds nesting near the Aberdeen coast, and hopefully Mr New won’t find the media attention too distressing.  After all, office workers are historically known to surf the web, hang around the water cooler and kill things.  No doubt New and Forbes can go ‘clubbing’ together sometime.  My other cheery news is that Donald Trump is considering running for presidency of the United States.  Break out the champagne (but drink responsibly – see below)

RSPB

We wouldn’t have have our poor, hardworking executives falling foul (or is that ‘fowl’?) of silly wildlife laws if it weren’t for organisations like the SSPCA and the RSPB.  The RSPB (Royal Society for the Protection of Birds) is an organisation that exists to stop people like Forbes and New having any fun.   It seems the RSPB has just issued a report saying that the situation is serious for wild birds in Scotland.  Apparently things called ‘loss of habitation’ (like when parks are turned into car parks) and fragmentation of habitation (like when parks are turned into football stadia) are bad for birds and other wildlife.  So there you have it – the less green space, the less wildlife.  Yes, that sounds like a very farfetched conclusion.  But if we keep going the way we are, then the world will be a safer place for Forbes and New.   Birds apparently pollinate wild plants and food crops, and feed off of insects, so they won’t be missed much.

Dine in for Two for £10
Loss of green space and loss of wildlife are as nothing compared to some social ills.  Sometimes a problem is so dreadful the temptation is to sweep it under the carpet.  Therefore we should give thanks to the SNP for its bravery and sense of priorities:  Is it going to tackle pollution?  Crime?  The economic crisis?  Decaying schools and hospitals?  Better:  it is going to stop supermarket offers such as ‘Dine in for Two for £10’ once and for all.  Old Susannah understands they have their best people on this full time (doing field research).  Their backbench MSP, Dr Ian McKee, is going to cure Scotland of its alcohol problems in one go by stopping these meal deals.  Once the deal is gone, we’ll all go teetotal.  There are some people who can handle alcohol, and some who cannot.  If we stop everyone from having a glass of wine with their shrimp cocktail, chicken casserole and profiteroles, we’ll have a better society.

You see them —  couples, pensioners, working people –  racing to grocery stores when these specials are on, behaving like wild animals, grabbing main courses, side dishes, desserts – and a bottle of wine (although non-alcoholic drinks are clearly offered as well).  Don’t be fooled into thinking these people are going to eat any of the food.  It’s the wine they want.  After ‘scoring’, they go home and ‘prepare’ – this ritual might involve plates, cutlery and glasses.  Delirious on the wine, they then go to the town centre, fight, commit crime, get sick in the streets, and so on.  Apparently a kidney charity says that such deals make taking alcohol seem socially acceptable.  You could be forgiven for thinking that 8,000 years’ worth of human civilisation had something to do with the concept that having wine was mainstream, but the SNP says otherwise.  Encouraging people to have a glass of wine alongside a three course meal is just wrong.

Cheers

Freedom of Information Act
A law came into being some years ago giving the public the freedom to ask for information; this law was cleverly called the Freedom of Information Act.  Since then, many government agencies have worked tirelessly to evade complying with it.  Some suspicious people have the nerve not to trust their local governments, and write to request information.  Unfortunately this creates work for the Information Officers (who were put in place to deal with requests).  Kevin Stewart of Aberdeen City Council has said that many of these requests are ‘absurd’.  If anyone knows about absurdity, it may well be Mr Stewart.  Such crazy requests might include questions on what happening to the Common Good Fund, why old buildings are occasionally sold for less than market value, how much money is spent on outside consultants, why the previous promise to leave Loirston Park alone is being ignored and so on.  One question was asked about the Council taking over Marischal College and spending £80 million in the process.  What were the alternatives?  Who suggested this?  Were proper costing’s done and analysed?  After a bit more than the maximum time allowed, the Council replied that the financial data used to select Marischal College as the best way forward was Copyrighted by the consultants who did the study – and could not be released.  The word absurd springs to mind again.

Copyright
A copyright is a form of protection which can be used to secure a creator’s rights over their creation.  The Harry Potter books and films are copyrighted; ‘Led Zepplin IV’ is copyrighted; ‘Gone with the Wind’ is copyrighted.  This stops unauthorised people passing the work off as their own, stealing parts of the work, or making unauthorised use of these creations, particularly for profit.  Old Susannah cannot find any form of copyright that would stop Aberdeen City Council from showing its figures for Marischal College expenditure and alternatives – unless the Council is planning a book or a film that is.  If anyone out there wants to ask the Council for the figures – or an explanation as to how such figures could possibly be copyrighted – please do send the Council a Freedom of Information Request.

Oct 012010
 

Old Susannah gets to grips with more tricky terms.

A Quick Word on Willows Animal Sanctuary
Aberdeen City Council can find £200K for public relations firms to find out why people don’t want to get rid of Union Terrace Gardens.  Ian Wood can offer £50 Million to the City if it spends twice as much in getting rid of Union Terrace Gardens.  While the rest of us can’t hope to do anything as grand or important, Old Susannah would ask if anyone out there can please make a donation to Willows Animal Sanctuary in Fraserburgh which is in desperate need of money and animal feed (feed is being collected for all kinds of animals for Willows at Love and Roses, South Crown Street, Aberdeen).

Please visit http://www.willowsanimals.com to see what good work they do, and how you can help them survive.

The unfortunate reality is that when we are in hard, uncertain economic times, two things go wrong for animals.  Firstly, people cannot always afford to keep making donations to charities, and funding for many good causes from the private sector falls (which is why we are lucky to have such a compassionate, caring local government).  The second is that in hard times animals get cruelly dumped as people can’t afford food or veterinary care.  Willows is a major player in helping animals in the North East – please help if you can.

Property Maintenance
This may come as a surprise, but if you are a homeowner, then you should maintain your property.  Yes, really.  If you were unsure whether you should let your roof leak or your stairwells collapse, then Aberdeen City Council has come to your rescue.

Inspectors are visiting your streets as I write, looking at your gutters, stairs and slates, and if anything’s amiss, then a  dedicated team of inspectors will send you a glossy colour brochure and a letter telling you what you should do.  The keener inspector will ask to be let into your building, garden or home with no prior appointment.  (The phrase ‘Just say no’ springs to mind).

Old Susannah has received such a letter, advising that her building’s occupants ‘might want to look at their guttering’.  The letter helpfully says that the Council cannot force us to make any repairs – AT THE MOMENT.  Strangely enough, there is nothing to advise where the extra money will be coming from to make the suggested repairs.  It is gratifying to know that the Council can free up money and resources to tell private property owners what they should do.  Over the past few years I have seen people trip and injure themselves on the City’s hazardous, uneven pavements, and I know people who have waited months in Council flats for serious repairs including leaks.

A few years ago a woman was injured when her council flat ceiling fell in on her.  A certain local builder whose kitchen floors are prone to give way if too many people are on them,  may or may not have heard from the Council.  But as we all know kitchens are dangerous places, and only a few people should ever be in one at any given time.  I also understand from reliable sources  that there may be a slow-down on Council flat refurbishments and workers are being temporarily (?) laid off.  ‘Practice what you preach’ will appear in a forthcoming definition.

Project Management
Project management should be simple:  a project needs three things:  a budget, a timescale, and a ‘scope’ of exactly what the project should be, make, or accomplish.  About this time last year, NESTRANS (our friendly North East transportation quango/board) told an Aberdeen Civic Forum that it did not know how much the Aberdeen Western Peripheral Route would cost or where the money was coming from.  It also could not say where the route would be going exactly.  Other than such trivialities, the AWPR will no doubt be a triumph.  The speaker did assure us however, that the project would happen in 2012.  Watch this space.

Bad Debts
The City Council HAS shown signs of improvement lately.  This year we are only (?) writing off £2.8 million pounds of ‘bad debt’ this year.  This is a vast improvement on the £11 million it wrote off a few years back.  It seems it’s just too hard to get money from some people who owe tax, parking fines, other fees – so we just declare it ‘bad debt’ and that’s that.  An affluent, economically sound city like Aberdeen can afford to do so.  Especially now that it has found some way to borrow £200 million worth of taxpayer’s money from the central government – which somehow is not going to cost us anything.  Well, unless you are a taxpayer.  Then you are loaning the City Council money.  No prizes for guessing that they want to put most of this into getting rid of  Union Terrace Gardens (sorry, building a prosperous civic square with parking and shops) – and have no interest in reinstating the many services it  has cut .

Sep 242010
 

Old Susannah gets to grips with those difficult to understand terms.

Old Susannah thanks readers who wrote in with money-saving ideas for Aberdeen City Council.  Many of you suggest money could be saved by sending Kate Dean and Kevin Stewart to the upcoming oil event in Houston.  On one-way tickets.

Continue reading »

Sep 102010
 

Aberdeen Voice’s Old Susannah opens her heart and her dictionary to define more familiar but tricky terms.

Continuous Improvement.

Look around you:  look at your streets, your social services, your schools, your leisure facilities, hospitals and your libraries (if any).  Continuous Improvement is all around us.

The state of our services is not an accident, you know.  The Continuous Improvements we can see are the work of a Continuous Improvement Committee, which makes Continuous Improvement Reports, and publishes Continuous Improvement Audits.

The April 2009 CI Audit (available from Aberdeen City Council’s website at a mere 50 pages) gives a useful overview of the many areas in which our local administration continues to improve services for us in a simple, easy-to-understand, economical fashion.  Old Susannah is particularly impressed by the Corporate Communications section, which claims that £14K was saved by creating a summer brochure (although the cost of not creating a summer brochure was not immediately evident).  This particular document also delves into types of telephone communication areas, including ‘Homecheck’ and ‘Telephone calls for Trees’. ‘Telephone Calls for Trees’,  one imagines, must be something to do with trunk calls.  But personally, I am stumped.  The ‘Trees’ section promises careful monitoring, ‘allied integration’ , training materials and implementation plans.  Time and money would be saved by getting rid of trees (cutting out the dead wood, as it were), and getting in a few more parking spaces and shopping malls.  Happily, this is being considered.  Or so I heard on the grapevine.

Surely making staff double-up by being responsible for Transformation as well as Change represents good value for money

Taxpayers will be further reassured to know that the Community Plan and the Vibrant Dynamic & Forward Looking statement* are monitored through something called a performance reporting framework. How very far we have come from the days when a phone call was placed, a request or complaint made, and was acted upon.

How greatly improved are things from the time when, for instance, a school board had a budget, decided what it needed for its improvements, and just got on with it.

The above clearly explain Continuous Improvement, but doubtless the Continuous Improvement Committee will be only too happy to clarify any unfamiliar phrases which might appear in its reports.

Change Manager.

A letter was published some months back in something called the ‘Press & Journal’, asking what exactly a Change Manager was needed for in Aberdeen.  Old Susannah will be happy to try and answer that question, as no one from the Council seems to have had the chance as yet.

The cynical among us might suggest mankind has been coping with change since it first found fire.  But, in these modern times, a Change Manager is needed to steer a course through the dangerous waters of change and to reinvent management posts with new trendy names and create management jobs where there was no previous need (after all, job creation is always good).  Continuous Improvement means Change of course, and these two important areas of management go hand in hand. Thankfully, Aberdeen City’s Change personnel are well versed in managing change, some of them having suddenly changed from one highly paid government post to another (one such person reportedly left a Shire post abruptly with a five-figure payout and would end up in the City’s Change section.  Now that’s what I call good change management).

Areas of job classification falling under Change include ‘Transformation AND Change’ and Modernisation AND Innovation’  Surely making staff double-up by being responsible for Transformation as well as Change represents good value for money.

In the sad days to come, no doubt our Change Manager will help all of us cope with the departure of Sue Bruce from our City,  a change which we must try to manage…or does Ms Bruce’s departure fall under the heading of Continuous Improvement ?

*to be defined in a future Dictionary Corner.

Aug 272010
 

Old Susannah would like to thank everyone who’s written in to support building Mr Milne a nice new football, sorry – community – stadium on top of Loirston Loch, which will be very pretty and glow in the dark. But no-one has. If you are for any reason not in favour of a football stadium by our only loch, on our only greenbelt land in the south of the city, you have until 31 August to object to the Planning people (Application No. 101299).

Scottish Enterprise
Scotland does not have much of a history for innovation or business acumen but for a few quirky exceptions like penicillin, anaesthetics, refrigeration, television, marmalade, jute manufacture, steam engines, cloning and whisky. Those few innovations which do come from Scotland clearly need expert help, or they would not get anywhere or make any money. Luckily there is help at hand – enter Scottish Enterprise.

SE offers a range of groundbreaking courses on how to run a business – information which could not be found anywhere else in the world, except perhaps for the free information available from libraries, the internet, local chambers of commerce or other government agencies. Its current chairman points out, for instance, that without SE telling companies that opportunities exist in energy and wind farms, no-one would otherwise know. Of course, one or two of SE’s business clients go out of business, but what can one do? The people of Scotland are privileged, therefore, to have this unelected QUANGO present in all Scottish regions, at a mere cost of around £277 million per year, with about one-third of this going on its staff. Clearly, SE does know how to generate money – for itself anyway. The effect SE has had on the economy is obvious for all to see. Where would Scotland be without it?

Finally, SE recently participated in an ‘independent review’ which recommended cutting public sector jobs. If anyone can suggest where to make these cuts, do let SE know.

Joke
In these times of financial and environmental worry, it is important to maintain a sense of humour. A joke is a short, pithy, witty story or deed guaranteed to provoke laughter and good feeling. For instance, a very funny woman in Coventry now says that when she petted a cat and forcefully threw it into a dark wheelie bin where it remained crying for fifteen hours until, fortunately, it was discovered, she was making a joke! We wonder if she is still laughing now.

Another example of joking can be found closer to home for Aberdonians. To distract locals from worries over crime, economic pressure and the like, our local officials keep us laughing with plans to build football – sorry, ‘community’ – stadia in beautiful, important greenbelt areas whilst closing schools and services. Apparently, as well as the 22,000 fans packed in to watch the Dons, there will be concerts. I guess AECC just makes so much money that we need another place for concerts too. You have to laugh really.

Common Good Fund
In around 1319, Robert the Bruce established this Fund to provide for the needs of Aberdeen’s citizens. In the past it has been used to help build Marischal College and establish the local library and Hazlehead Park amongst other good causes. It has also given funds for the improvement of something called Union Terrace and its gardens. In 2005, the value of the Fund was reported to be £31 million. Aberdeen City Council will be only too happy to let you know the Fund’s current value and give details of recent grants awarded. Just ask.

Jul 302010
 

Aberdeen Voice’s Old Susannah opens her heart and her dictionary to define these tricky terms.

Consultation: to ask members of the public what they want, then to tell them what you had already decided they are going to get. Expensive brochures and infallible experts are used to steer people towards the desired conclusion during the consultation process. If the citizenry somehow does not come to the correct conclusion, it can later be told that it did not actually understand the consultation. Continue reading »