Mar 052015
 

martin-fordWith thanks to Cllr Martin Ford.

Aberdeenshire’s Green councillor Martin Ford has responded to the latest claims made by Donald Trump about his golf development at Menie and the European Offshore Wind Deployment Centre planned for Aberdeen Bay. Mr Trump made his remarks to a golfing magazine which were further reported in the Sunday Herald.

Cllr Ford has dismissed Mr Trump’s claims as ‘absurd’. The councillor is not disputing Mr Trump’s right to go to court.

On Mr Trump’s claim that he will now go ahead with a second golf course, Cllr Ford said:

“Mr Trump has contradicted himself repeatedly about what he will actually build. I would attach very little weight to his statements about his future intentions at Menie.”

On Mr Trump’s claim that the proposed wind turbines will destroy the landscape, Cllr Ford said:

“The most important landscape feature at Menie was the amazing mobile dune system, vandalised by Mr Trump to build his first golf course.”

On Mr Trump’s claim that the lower oil price will make the proposed turbines uneconomic, Cllr Ford said:

“The need to tackle climate change is not affected by short-term fluctuations in the oil price. We must increase the proportion of energy produced from renewable sources to reduce greenhouse gas emissions – in accordance with scientific evidence, international obligations and domestic legislation.”

On Mr Trump’s claims that he and his Menie golf development are very popular, Cllr Ford said:

“The emperor has no clothes. Mr Trump’s belief in his own popularity is just part of his fantasy view of the world.”

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Nov 072014
 

Donald Trump bought the Menie Estate in 2006; by 2008 unprecedented planning permission was granted to create ‘the world’s greatest golf course’.

Environmental protection was swept aside for the optimistic promises made: a one billion pound investment, jobs for local people in the thousands, a massive increase in tourism and, er to ‘put Aberdeenshire on the map’. Menie Estate residents and those who stood up for them or the environment were vilified in the press. Farmer Michael Forbes was said by Trump to live in a ‘pigsty’. Residents had their lives transformed, but not for the better.

Some would argue that putting profit before the environment and the rights of the affected families was justified. No one could argue that these promised benefits never materialised. Part 1 of Trouble with Trump focused on how rubbish and waste are dealt with by the 5 star resort, showing that if anyone is treating the land as a pigsty, it is not Michael Forbes.

What is life like at the estate for residents now? What are some of the issues and problems? Why is nothing being done by the Aberdeenshire planners, outdoor access officers, and the residents’ MSP, Alex Salmond? Suzanne Kelly reports.

Bunds: Not per planning permission – so why no enforcement?

Munro bunds gate

The gate erected by TIGLS which conspires with the bunds to restrict access between the Munros’ property and the Menie golf Links car park.

Menie Estate residents at Leyton Farm Cottage and Hermit Point once had views across open land filled with wildlife; they saw the coast and the sea.

However, Trump had giant mounds of earth bulldozed into position between Leyton Farm Cottage and his resort.
He also planted scores of conifers between Hermit Cottage and his land.

The mound was not given planning permission in advance.The bund at the Munro property is over 2 metres high.

Dirt and sand from it has blown into the Munro’s Leyton cottage property, damaged their garden and got into their automobile engines.

The bunds serve no other purpose but to screen the cottage from the resort visitors’ delicate vision. Trump’s objection to offshore wind farms is also to avoid stressing golfers from having to see anything they might not like. The cottage used to enjoy the sunlight; the bunds has changed this. The mounds seem even higher than their 2 metres, as they are covered with trees which are routinely replaced when the plants which cannot thrive die.

There was apparently an order issued to the resort to reduce the height of the mounds; this has not been done. Trump had at one point commissioned an environmental report which made the outlandish claim the bunds were good for the cottage occupants. The report’s authors had made no contact with the residents when coming to this conclusion; in fact it was already very public knowledge that residents wanted the bunds removed.

No one at Aberdeenshire Council’s planning office seems to be doing anything to remedy this situation.

Right of Access – A worsening problem; an impotent enforcement system

In Scotland people have the legal right to access the countryside for recreational purposes – even to cross golf courses if they wish (with certain conditions when golf is being played). No one is interested in enforcing these rules at the Menie Estate.

Aberdeenshire has officials who are specifically charged with ensuring land owners comply with the access code; they have over the years largely ignored the Estate and ignored specific claims brought to them. The officers initially sent emails saying they were meeting with residents; then they admitted they had not met with either the Forbes or Munro families.

They have complaints and photographs of the issues. They refused calls to come and meet with the residents and see the situations and discuss them. Instead, they handed out forms, which many were reluctant to fill out, given their access was being blocked by an organisation known the world over for its litigation. Gorse blocks some of the paths; some frequent visitors believe the gorse was planted deliberately to block their way.

A main issue is the gate locked shut separating Leyton Farm Road from the parking lot. (The parking lot itself was not as per the planning permission – and nothing seems to have been done about that either).

Here is how the main gate currently looks which separates the club’s parking (itself apparently not built to the agreed specification) from Leyton Farm Road, the track the Munro property is on. The situation is worse than it was a few months ago – the locks seem nearly fused by rust, and the right-hand side of the gate is all but impassible. This contravenes the right of access laws without doubt.

Anyone who is old, infirm, has mobility issues, or who would wish to cycle is not getting past this gate, whatever the law says.

The Shire will again be asked again to have this situation remedied. They are long aware of the problems including the gate, and have sat back as the situation continues to deteriorate.

Michael Stow Your Boat Onshore – another access block

Michael Forbes used to take his small wooden boat from the farm to catch salmon in the sea. Access from the Forbes’ farm to the sea has been halted. While this is not an absolutely clear cut access right, Michael caused no damage to the area when moving his boat, something he did for years with the previous owners’ consent.

The access pathway is not part of a course or being used in any way at present by the Trump organisation. But one day a gate was erected and was locked shut, contrary to access laws. The police told Michael that he if touched this gate that was put on the path he would be arrested – a very interesting interpretation of access rights, and a curious way for police to enforce the will of a landowner over the long standing use of a resident.

A senior politician has written a letter many months back saying he would look into the matter. Michael is still waiting for action. The boat sits unused on the farmland.

Water

Reliable running water is no longer a right for Michael and Sheila Forbes – and Michael’s 90 year-old mother, Molly. When construction was initially underway some years ago, a Trump vehicle broke the water pipe serving Michael’s farm. The site manager is filmed in the Anthony Baxter / Richard Phinney documentary ‘You’ve Been Trumped’ telling the journalists that the pipe will be restored and made better than before.

This never happened. What did happen nearly immediately after the pair visited the site office was that they were illegally arrested, bundled into the back of a police car and had their gear confiscated. The National Union of Journalists condemned the arrest.

It was made clear in the new Anthony Baxter / Richard Phinney documentary, ‘A Dangerous Game’ that despite several years going by, the pipe has never been fully repaired. Michael and Sheila recently confirm that the water supply is not always reliable and they still need to take water from a nearby burn on occasion.

Surely someone in the Aberdeenshire administration would intervene to ensure residents and taxpayers have reliable running water like they once did?

The built historical heritage – optional

There were a number of traditional outbuildings near Leyton Farm Road constructed in traditional materials. After the Trump organisation arrived, a new building sprung up which is hardly in keeping with the other buildings, and which may not have had complete advance planning permission. If someone elsewhere in Aberdeenshire erected a similar building without advance permission, they would likely be ordered to take it down.

Did this have permission? The indications are that it did not. The Shire’s officers are welcome to clarify this point.

Other deviations from planning include the parking lot, the lights in the parking lot (two which shown in Susan Munro’s cottage windows all night long were eventually ordered removed: this seems to be one time that the enforcement of planning actually took place).

One Law for the Rich and another for the poor?

It seems as if the agreed environmental conditions and the agreed planning specifics and access laws are neither being followed nor enforced with any conviction. The losers are the residents and those who want to exercise their right to access the countryside.

It’s hard to argue that the Shire’s planning department, the outdoor access officers, and the MSP Alex Salmond are doing anything to help these people. Salmond has sent representatives to the property before; one or two letters were subsequently sent. And as a result – absolutely nothing has changed. The invitation for Alex to personally visit his constituents still stands. We would hope he will make this as much of a priority as he made dining with Trump.

Is it politics, the fear of Trump legal action, an incompetent system, or a reluctance to acknowledge the problems here that is allowing these situations to go unchecked? You may wish to think on what is going on at the Menie Estate the next time you hear of the shire enforcing a minor piece of planning. The law is not applied equally or fairly in this corner of the North East Scottish coast, and the people who are meant to uphold the law are doing nothing.

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Oct 312014
 

Voice’s Old Susannah takes a look over the past week’s events in the ‘Deen and beyond. By Suzanne Kelly.

DictionaryTally Ho! And Happy Christmas and Season’s greetings while I’m at it. Halloween costumes sit next to Christmas cards in all the stores; hope you’ve finished writing  your cards and wrapping your presents.

Despite this being the season of peace on earth, good will to men, etc, etc. there seem to be a few bad-tempered people patrolling Aberdeen’s vibrant streets these days; quite a departure from the peaceful scenes we’re used to.

One man seems to have been provoked past endurance of late at the Bridge of Don area.

I’m sure the disagreement he had with a lady must have been over a spectacularly important issue, as he concluded his best course of action was to use his car to pin her to another car.

To be fair, he did threaten her with his staffie first (I’m sure that dog must have a great existence), so she should have backed down. When he gets his eventual day in court all will become clear.

Elsewhere a man jumped a street sweeper on the green (or Merchant Quarter if you prefer). I’m certain the cleaner must have started it. Believe it or not, drink may have been involved. All was caught on camera by a nearby restaurant mogul who stepped in to stop the beating. Never step into a violent fight; you may risk getting hurt. Do call the police ASAP – and ensure you film all either for a court case or better yet, for youtube.

And for all those people who violently oppose restrictions on air rifles and bb guns, a champion arises. Thirty something (age, not IQ) Aleksandrs Kolosovs apparently said he might shoot a judge after bringing an air gun to an Aberdeen pub.

Our gunslinger was in court charged with threatening to shoot a judge and having an offensive weapon – a BB air gun – in his possession at the East Neuk Bar in Aberdeen. Good tempered Kolosovs is also accused of assaulting a man earlier this year who was shot twice in the head.

Remember, as we’re so often told, guns don’t kill people, people kill people.  Of course if  you make it easy for violent tempered people to get guns, it makes it that much easier for them to kill people. Remember, having a weapon that can maim or kill is within your reach and you’re allowed to have them.

Funny though that on hearsay, Dod Copeland had his flat trashed and was taken into custody because some unknown witnesses said he had a rifle inside his flat. These witnesses must have peered (with no reason) into the flat which is off the beaten track, seen a gun, decided it could not have been an air gun or BB gun, convinced the police to launch a massive raid, and thereby trashing Copeland’s home and health.

Let’s not forget that the police later wanted Copeland to say that his feather duster looked like an assault rifle; a mistake any serving police officer could have made when lauching a siege on an empty property. So let’s leave our excellent, clear-cut gun laws as they are, and let’s let the police escalate if they want.  What possible harm can come of it?

He’ll see first hand how transformational the hand of Donald Trump has been

Thankfully there are tales of great generosity to balance things out.

The largess of Scottish Enterprise with our tax money to some big companies is particularly heartwarming.

There may be a small conflict of interest given that a Scottish Enterprise executive had shares in some of these companies, but nothing for us to worry about (more on that later).

Alicia Bruce had a wonderful reception at Woodend barn where her new photographs following a residency there were adored by all visitors. A few Menie Estate residents were on hand; her portraits of these people which mirror well-known paintings have become world famous. The Moorings continues to bring excellent music legends our way; The Men They  Couldn’t Hang and the Anti Nowhere League being recent guests.

Easter Anguston Farm had some Halloween celebrations, and Old Susannah bought a wonderful pumpkin from their shop.

But the big news this week is all the leadership changes and challenges taking place. Exit Alex Salmond, who will now have more time to spend with his constituents.

His overdue visit to the Menie Estate residents will no doubt be scheduled soon. He’ll see first hand how transformational the hand of Donald Trump has been, and if he acts soon, he may get his hands on a discarded Trump hotel bedstead, complete with Trump family crest. Of course the actual origins of the Trump family may be open to some speculation, despite The Donald having a granny from the Western Islands.

And with that it’s time for some definitions.

Salmond: (Scottish proper noun) Former Scottish National Party Leader; MSP for Banff and Buchan.  Not to be confused with Alex Salmon, as Wikipedia advises.

I’m tempted to swallow the bait and do some fish jokes about Salmond and Sturgeon, but we’ve already done that, so I’ll clam up. Apparently some readers find bad puns give them a haddock, but I do like to throw some in now and then for the halibut.

Always reliable, Wikipedia will give you the gen on Mr Salmond. It’s been a remarkable career from independence campaign to unannounced visits during by elections to closure-threatened schools.  From dinners with the Donald to singing at Balmoral Castle. Now that he has more time to spend in his constituency, his visit to Menie will be well received indeed. It may be about a decade overdue, but he’ll be coming.

Salmond’s heir apparent (also know as Fiona to Salmond’s Shrek, as a colleague reminds me – though I can’t think why) Nicola Sturgeon is off to a flying start; she’s insisting that any referendum on EU membership continuing should be voted on by England, Wales Scotland and Ireland as individual countries, not by a UK wide vote as a whole.

Hats off to Nicola for bringing up a constitutional crisis her first fortnight on the job

Funny, when we had the independence referendum, also having impact on the future of the entire UK, she was happy for that to exclude the other 3 nations. Scotland has 5.3 million people; Wales 3 million; Ireland  4.5 million and England England 57 million .

It will be really easy to manage a vote split up by nation. Will residence outweigh place of birth? If you work in Scotland but live in England, where will you vote? No better to split everyone up, have separate votes taken, and then see if 3 of 4 countries agree and we leave – irrespective of the numbers of people involved. Hats off to Nicola for bringing up a constitutional crisis her first fortnight on the job. She’ll have her cake and eat it, too.

We really should stay in the EU; look at all the peace, stability and economic prosperity it’s brought us. Funny, the often used phrase ‘value for money’ never gets mentioned when polititicans talk about the EU.

What has the EU done for us anyway? We’ve given lots of money to countries to keep them stable, like Greece. We’ve had lots of nice farming subsidies, even if no one in Italy, Spain or Portugal can explain exactly where the money’s all gone over the years. In fact, the EU has yet to have a single one of its annual budgets successfully approved and signed off by an auditor. Whistle blowers get interesting transfers.

Carbuncle:  (English Noun)  An infection, boil or growth signaling illness; an unpleasant site (see also ‘Aberdeen’)

The Deen may somehow have lost the city of culture bid we were all so desperately praying for, but take heart! We are probably about to win something big after all. It seems no one does carbuncles quite like we do.

We are certainly ahead of the field in the Carbuncle Award list. A bit more help from our planners, title-proud officers, ACSEF  and the rest, and no one will be able to touch us. When it comes to thinking outside the box, we don’t. If it’s a glass box or a concrete box, it gets planning permission. If it’s a historic building like the Lord  Provost’s house, ignoring the importance of setting or agreeing to a few little nips and changes is fine.

If it’s a building like Westburn House, we’ll let it fall apart. If it’s an important historic site like Thomas Glover’s house, we’ll allow the trustees (including former Lord Provost Stephen) to flog the important contents, and still let the place go.  Result!

Urban Realm editor John Glenday said:

“Aberdeen has a rich granite heritage and in the Victorian era the city was built to last, sadly the same can’t be said of the flimsy, ill-considered buildings going up across the city today.

“Despite its riches Aberdeen has become the poor relation of the Scottish cities.”

Glenday is wrong; this is proved by all the city council reports that clearly state in black and white that we are forward-looking, vibrant, dynamic, etc. etc. That’s good enough for me.

See you this Christmas at the tree in Union Terrace Gardens, surrounded again no doubt by guards, festive people barricades and holiday anti-climb paint. Perhaps Rockefeller Centre could learn a lesson or two from us on the real Christmas spirit.

We’ll see what happens across from Marischal College in due course; perhaps it will make us yearn for the beauty, majesty and proportion of St Nicholas House after all.

Happy  Christmas and Happy New Year! Remember, tis the season for shopping.

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Oct 262014
 

Donald Trump bought the Menie Estate in 2006. By 2008, unprecedented planning permission was granted to create ‘the world’s greatest golf course’. The promise was a one billion pound spend, jobs for local people in the thousands, an increase in tourism in the thousands, and prosperity.

Menie Estate residents and those who stood up for them were vilified in the press; farmer Michael Forbes was said by Trump to live in a ‘pigsty’. What is life like at the estate for residents now? What are some of the issues and problems? Suzanne Kelly reports, in the first of a series.

A brief history of Trump
It was all meant to be better, so the proponents promised us: thousands of jobs, houses, tourists and money pouring into the north east. Never mind the loss of unique greenbelt and wildlife. To achieve this end, the existing environmental protection and normal planning procedure were swept aside.

Donald Trump was in the news whenever he opened his mouth, got on or off a plane, dined with Alex Salmond, or spoke out against wind farms. But when he vilified Michael Forbes, he really went to town. Forbes and his wife, and 90-year-old mother Molly live on a farm on the estate. They refused to move for Trump. Trump has had some damning things to say about the Forbes family, calling Michael the ‘village idiot’. About the Forbes Farm and home Trump said:-

“I just wish he would clean up his property, it is a pig sty. It’s terrible, his barn is all rusty and falling down. The hotel has the chance to be something really outstanding but it’s awfully hard when a window is overlooking a slum and you see rusting oil cans.” http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/177471/Protester-lives-in-a-pig-sty-says-furious-Trump

Trump International Golf Links Scotland must therefore be a rather special place. It recently won “The first and only Six Star Diamond Award” in Scotland, from the American Academy of Hospitality Sciences [what that? Ed]. The property must of course be cleaned up, there must be nothing slum-like about the place at all.

It may just be a coincidence that Donald Trump is on the American Academy of Hospitality Sciences Board, where he is listed as ‘Ambassador Extraordinaire’. Surely then, he and his companies know all about cleanliness, hygiene, environmental management and waste management.

At first glance at the golf course you see giant clocks, oversized lamps, parking, and a rather nondescript looking ‘temporary clubhouse’. Here is what you see today if you step off of the beaten track, photos supplied to Aberdeen Voice.

crestfallen waste at trump estate

Crestfallen
Wooden frames featuring that Trump family crest are part of the debris off to the side of the parking lot, just adjacent to the Munro family property.

lamps at trump estate

Illuminating
Lights which shone into the Munro cottage from the parking lot were, amazingly, ordered to be removed by the council. On the day the council was to visit to make the decision about the lights, the lights were not switched on, as they normally would have been.

They are now dumped in the grass. Hopefully any chemicals such as mercury, or other toxic materials, will have long since been removed, even if the lamps remain.

plastic material at trump estate

Teed Off
Possibly most worrying are the yards and yards of plastic waste which could prove fatal to wildlife, either birds, or aquatic creatures, should it wind up in the nearby sea. The shore at Menie is unfortunately regularly peppered with plastic waste from marine activity.

A Lot Of Old Rubbish
These photos were taken in March 2013. They show mounds of rubbish on land on the Menie Estate. Whether the trash was burnt, buried, or disposed of legally remains unclear.  The issues with these piles of mixed waste include:

  • seemingly no attempt made at waste segregation for recycling;
  • plastic bottles with labels removed which contained unknown chemicals;
  • danger of chemicals leaching into the soil – and the sheer scale of the amount of rubbish involved.

Paradise
Molly Forbes keeps chickens at her home on Michael’s farm; she calls her house ‘Paradise’.   Michael and Sheila live on a working farm; there are cats, chickens and geese (including a wild goose which is currently visiting).  As far as I could see, none of the taps at the farm place are gold plated; there are no red carpets and no hired showgirls to greet visitors. There are a good number of chickens, a few cats, and a warm atmosphere. Molly, Sheila and Michael might not get a ‘6 diamond’ special award. Perhaps they don’t want or need one.

The Forbes farm with friends

Wrapping Up
Perhaps rubbish is not really pollution if it has a Trump family crest carved on it. Perhaps the garbage will be properly segregated, recycled, and disposed of in the very near future. And just maybe someone who lives in a glass house who is so offended by the goings-on at a genuine working farm should clean up his own act before throwing any more stones.  Trump Golf Links has been asked to comment on the waste close to Leyton Farm Cottage.

In Part 2
Environmental monitoring evaporation, planning breaches and access issues.

 

 

Sep 052014
 

Voice’s Old Susannah takes a look over the past week’s events in the ‘Deen and beyond. By Suzanne Kelly.

DictionaryTally ho! It’s all happening in the Deen and Shire. The Fyvie Festival was last weekend, offering a nice day out including the chance to look at the priceless Tiffany window in Fyvie Kirk. Celebrate Aberdeen took place, rain and shine, across the city. Acts such as Youse Dancin’, The Black Gold Bandits, Iron Broo and The Gerry Jablonski Band entertained the soggy crowds.

Anthony Baxter’s film will open in cinemas across Scotland on Friday the 5th. Alex Salmond has been invited to the premier in Aberdeen with a Q&A session and panel.

He’s also been invited to visit the Menie Estate residents; it’s a shame he’s been too busy to visit his constituents there, but give him another few years to fit it in, and I’m sure he will. No word on whether Sarah Malone of Trump will attend.
This week I had planned to write about the menace the city is bravely tackling. Drunk Driving? The few slightly tipsy people occasionally seen in the city centre on weekend nights? Fuel or food poverty?

No, the problem we have all been afraid to face is finally in the spotlight: the sandwich board. These dangerous, frightening health menaces lurk outside sandwich shops (appropriately enough), restaurants, pubs and more: it’s a wonder anyone’s still alive.

The council is taking decisive action against these horrendous trip hazards, you’ll be delighted to know. Of course, the sign draws attention to itself (that’s its purpose you see), and you’d have to be as drunk as an ex-councillor not to see the signs.

A hardened cynic might ask the city why it’s going after sandwich board signs, given that one or two other cities round the world somehow manage to co-exist with these signs. I propose we sent our officers and provosts off on a round-the-world fact-finding mission; they are good at that sort of thing.

I suppose that since the city has smoothed every square inch of pavement and street that it is responsible for, it’s now time to turn its attention to the scourge of society, the sandwich board. I for one feel safer knowing that something will be done about the sandwich board plague. Chalk up another one for ACC; the writing’s on the wall for signs.

However, there is something nearly as important as the city’s challenge to the sign menace. This isn’t an Aberdeen or even a Scottish story, so we really should pay it no attention at all. However, I thought looking at the story of little Ashya King and how the police and Southampton Hospital had nobly gone to his rescue would be of interest this week.

A brain tumour landed this child in Southampton General Hospital; which would not fund a particular treatment his parents decided they wanted to try. It could prove life-saving. The hospital were certainly not able to guarantee that the treatment they offered would be the best or the only option.

The parents did their own research (kind of like those meddling parents who invented Lorenzo’s Oil when their child was ill ), and wanted their son to be treated at a clinic abroad, which said they would do the treatment now and worry about payment later (which in itself is rather a strange concept, almost as if treatment and medicine should be available to those who need it regardless of money concerns.I wonder if this might catch on in the UK?).

The parents had a crazy idea, and decided to get their son treated at this clinic, and moved to take Ashya there.

Well, Southampton General Hospital reacted in the only manner open to it: they instantly moved to take Ashya into custody, issued press releases saying that Ashya was in grave danger, called in the police and demanded Ashya’s return so they could get custody of him and continue to deny him the desired treatment.  Sounds perfectly reasonable and measured to me.

Obviously the hospital and its staff know best, just like they do up and down the UK. There might not be a specific law that says you have to keep your child in a hospital which refuses to pay for a treatment which might well help him. However, the police were only too happy to go on a Spanish vacation – sorry – suffer the hardship of going to Spain — to have the sick child put in isolation and his parents locked up, unable to visit.

(You might think that the Spanish police assisted by the dashing, intelligent, sensitive UK police force would be sufficient to stop two distraught parents from absconding from a hospital visit to their cancer-stricken son, but you would of course be wrong).

For some reason (perhaps the outcry of one or two people in the UK) the parents have been released from custody, an extradition order to the UK has been lifted, and if the hospital agrees, he may get treatment after all. We’ll see what happens next in due course; perhaps some related definitions will shed some light on the goings-on to date.

Neglect: (English Noun) to treat an individual or an animal in such a way their needs are not met; to ignore, fail to assist.

Of course, hospitals will only ever care about the patient’s welfare. Money, targets, shutting up whistle blowers and defending lawsuits never enter into it. If Southampton moved to take a boy with cancer away from his parents, it was only for his own health and happiness. I’m sure it consulted its best child psychologists in advance, and confirmed that no mental or emotional harm would come from their actions.

That’s why hospitals call the police on anyone who would disobey them, and that’s why the police and hospitals turn involved families into criminals – all for the patient’s welfare.

Southampton accused the parents of ‘suspected neglect’ for taking their son to get treated.

It may seem strange that in one part of the UK suspected neglect of one child results in police jetting off to Spain, and in another part of the UK like Rotherham it results in 1400 or more young people being sexually abused and absolutely nothing being done about it despite people coming forward, abuse accusations being swept under the carpet and victims discredited, but there you go. I guess you have to expect these minor regional variations in policing.

But let’s look at the august, professional men and women who run things at Southampton General Hospital, and why they have the right to accuse the King parents of neglect.

In 2010 a boy named Matthew Kenway, of Fareham, Hampshire, died at Southampton General Hospital ; he was going to have a routine kidney operation. No one checked his heart was still working; they didn’t hook up a heart monitor. Eventually they realised there was a problem, and still there seems to have been a delay in getting him help. A fatal delay, but it could have happened to anyone really. So, no negligence there then.

With the tiny amount of things that go wrong in the medical profession, and with the support and encouragement given to whistle-blowers (on the rare occasion they are needed), you wouldn’t think there would be such a thing as a website called www.clinical-medical-negligence.com – yet somehow there is. According to it:

“The family’s solicitor Patricia Wakeford, of Blake Lapthorn, said: “Evidence heard at the inquest raised grave concerns about the quality of care that Matthew received and the processes that were in place at Southampton General Hospital at the time of Matthew’s death. Shortly after 3am, the oxygen monitor probe appeared not to be recording his oxygen levels. The nurse initially thought the machine might be faulty, but it transpired that Matthew’s heart had stopped.

“Eventually, a cardiac arrest call was put out and the arrest team then attempted, for 40 minutes until 4.20am, to resuscitate Matthew but they were unsuccessful and he died. During the course of the two-day inquest, a series of key findings emerged suggesting there were serious shortcomings in the care Matthew received. At post-mortem it emerged that the stent placed in the left kidney was not in the correct place.
http://www.clinical-medical-negligence.com/2014_02_01_archive.html#.VATNj8J0zIU

These are just the sort of people you want wresting legal control of your son away from you.

I guess anyone can make a mistake. Except Southampton General. This might not be neglect, but there was a wee matter of apparent experimenting on patients. Southampton seems to have been involved in a trial of a new antibiotic made by Bayer; it must have been very exciting for the patients who got this drug.

Doubtless they were all made perfectly aware of the risks of this trial taking place in the hallowed surgical wards of Southampton; to do otherwise might have looked like neglect. Alas, one website isn’t that happy about it:

“This information [about the experimental drug] was not revealed to the hospitals before up to 650 people had undergone surgery, violating their human rights. The trials resulted in nearly half of the people at one test centre in Southampton developing potentially life-threatening infections. At least one patient died, and another developed an infection so severe that his relatives were initially told he would not survive. Nearly half the patients at Southampton Hospitals Trust developed post-operative wound infections requiring emergency therapy. Infection and mortality rates at the five other trial sites were never revealed on grounds of “confidentiality”

“Stephen Karran, a retired consultant surgeon from Southhampton, was concerned about the trial. He pointed out the flaw in the earliest possible stage, and contacted the press after the trial went ahead unaltered anyway. Bayer has confirmed that it knew of absorption problems with the drug before the study began. However, they still used the dangerous drug for two years, are still keeping trial results secret, and have not paid compensation to the relatives of patients injured or killed in the course of its unapproved trials.” http://www.corporatewatch.org/company-profiles/corporate-crimes-3

It might have been Bayer’s drug trial, but Southampton Hospitals Trust ran with it. I’d not want to be thought cynical, but often these drug trials involve a wee bit of money going to the institutions involved. The mega international pharmaceutical sector is every bit as benevolent as you would think.

I’m sure Southampton will be happy to explain more about people being experimented on, how informed consent was obtained, when they stopped the trials and how many people were at risk – oh, and how much money they got for this and other experimentations. Keeping people from risk and preventing neglect: that’s what Southampton is all about, as the King family will tell you.

It will be interesting to see what evidence there is that taking the little boy to be treated at a different hospital is tantamount to neglect.

If this ever reaches a courtroom, I hope no serpentine defence lawyer will ask the hospital any questions about neglect past and present. After all, the hospital wasn’t to know the boy was gone for 6 hours, despite his supposedly needing constant care and attention. You and I are of course laypeople, but to some that 6 hour gap in a young child’s cancer nursing might seem ever so slightly neglectful on the part of Southampton.

Communication Breakdown: (English compound noun) A deterioration or cessation of dialogue (also an excellent Led Zeppelin song)

According to the BBC:

“Dr Michael Marsh, medical director at University Hospital Southampton NHS Foundation Trust, said he regretted that their communication and relationship with the King family had ‘broken down’.”
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-29009883

The hospital was great at communicating. They communicated to the police and other authorities that they wanted custody of this boy, that he was possibly neglected, and that he was at great risk because a battery in a feeding tube system might die.

What a pity then that their paid in-house media people never noticed the video which spread like c-difficile across facebook showing a happy Ashya and his parents abroad, with no feeding or other problems. They would of course have backed off.

Old Susannah was trying to find out a few things about this feeding tube at the centre of the hospital’s attempt to get custody of the boy: what kind of battery did it have, how often did it need to be replaced, were the parents aware the battery had to be changed, did they try to call or text the parents to tell them about the battery?

Obviously they did all that and didn’t just run to the media and the police, complaining that communication had broken down. I will be very reassured to know how much effort the hospital made to tell the family about the feeding system when they had left.

I also was going ask other questions (What did the hospital think Ashya would be going through stress wise because of the hospital and police actions and how would that affect his emotions and health? Why was there a 6 hour gap between anyone visiting this ill child before they realised he was gone? – and a few other minor points).

Alas! There is indeed a communication breakdown. The hospital’s media team has failed to answer its phone on any of the many times I phone it. I left 3 messages on 2nd September with my email and my mobile number. Yes, a communication breakdown is a serious problem.It’s very good of Southampton to regret having one.

Obviously they don’t regret criminialising a family, adding to their anxiety, having people arrested, refusing to fund treatment, and trying to take custody of someone’s sick child. If they did, they’d have apologised for it. They are sorry however for the communication breakdown. Old Susannah can almost hear that familiar refrain so often given to the media: “we don’t discuss individual cases.”

Except when it suits them.

They told the world the age, sex, condition name of Ashya; they shared his and his parents’ images. It will be a breeze for them to prove in court that they only breached the data protection act after taking every other step possible. The phone log of their calls to the Kings will be a very reassuring document indeed.

Heroic: (English adjective) Having qualities of braveness, courage fearlessness and strength.

In this whole saga, the shining heroic actions of a few people show through. Not only was Southampton brave enough to issue press releases claiming the child was in grave danger and take custody away from the parents to the state, the police showed heroism as well.

They bravely lept to conclusions; they bravely got on a plane to Spain, they courageously raided Ashya’s grandmother’s house for a much-needed intensive search. A Belfast Telegraph article reports:

“Assistant Chief Constable Chris Shead said last night: “We have been told by medical experts that the battery life on the machine that administers his food is now likely to have expired. We don’t know whether the King family have any spares, the knowledge or any way of recharging the battery. If they don’t without properly administered food, Ashya’s condition will deteriorate very quickly. With each hour that passes our concern for him grows.””

If I didn’t know better, I’d start to wonder if the UK’s police have a shoot/arrest/taser/search/criminalise first and don’t ask questions later approach.

How come the hospital couldn’t tell the police whether or not the family knew how to work the apparatus? When it was shown that the boy was fine and happy wasn’t that the end of it? Thank goodness other such breaches in the Inspector Morse-like investigation techniques of the police are once in a lifetime.

Old Susannah also guesses that, like the hospital, no one at the police was quite heroic enough to call the family or leave them a message about the battery; doubtless we’ll find out what they did about the battery in due course. It would be cynical to suggest this was all a witch hunt. Much better it turned out the way it did. Let this be a lesson to other parents (or to people in the past who have tried to interfere with hospitals, like these people ).

Mrs King, the grandmother had this to say after her flat was searched (perhaps they would have found the family hiding in the chiller cabinet or under a bed?):

“They (the authorities) are the ones who are cruel because they have taken poor little Ashya who is dying of a brain tumour and they won’t let the parents, my son and daughter-in-law, they won’t let them see him at all.

“It’s terrible, it is so cruel it is unbelievable.”

She added:

“To try and make out that he has been neglected… Why haven’t we got any human rights? They keep on, the EU, about human rights. Where are our human rights? We have got none.”
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/ashya-king-brother-of-fiveyearold-boy-defends-parents-actions-in-new-video-9702977.html

Before ending this definition of heroics, the police and hospital might well have got away with it, if it weren’t for some meddling kids. Naveed King, elder brother to Ashya has been spending his time campaigning, raising awareness, looking after his other siblings, dealing with the media, raising funds, posting updates on Facebook and other such activities.

Surely he should have been doing his homework instead or playing video games? The other King children held fast as well. Let’s see whether there isn’t some bureauocrat out there ready to criticise Naveed’s impertinence. We can’t have young people running around criticising authorities and sticking up for their families now, can we?

Next week: don’t expect answers from Souuthampton, but I’ll keep asking.

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Sep 052014
 

cllr-ford-with-michael-forbesWith thanks to Martin Ford.

Aberdeenshire Green councillor Martin Ford has welcomed the announcement of a planned feature film about the battle between residents on the Menie estate and Donald Trump.
The saga has already been the subject of a number of television and cinema documentaries.

Cllr Ford said:

“The tremendous resilience and courage of the Menie residents in standing up to Donald Trump and his backers is certainly a story worth telling. The residents are obvious heroes. There is also no shortage of villains in the plot.

“I look forward to seeing the completed film.”

Cllr Ford confirmed he had been contacted by the proposed film’s producers some time ago.

“I have now spoken with the screenwriter on a number of occasions to provide factual information about Aberdeenshire Council’s involvement in the events which the film will portray,” he said.

Cllr Ford chaired the Aberdeenshire Council committee that refused Donald Trump’s application for outline planning permission for a golf resort at Menie. Cllr Ford subsequently spoke out strongly against Mr Trump’s request that Aberdeenshire Council use compulsory purchase orders to remove his neighbours from their homes on the Menie estate.

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Aug 292014
 

dangerous game hare2With thanks to Anthony Baxter & Richard Phinney 

We are delighted to announce that our new feature documentary – A Dangerous Game – opens in cinemas across Scotland on Friday 5 September and on Friday 12 September in other cities in the United Kingdom.

The Official Trailer can be viewed here.

Specific venues are listed at the end of this message.

In many cinemas the film is scheduled for 7 days only, so please act quickly. In some cities the run may be extended if attendance is strong enough.

So tell your friends, colleagues and family (it is rated “PG”) and make a date to come out to see what we promise will be among the most powerful, entertaining and important films you’ll see this year.

Because Money and Power should not Cost the Earth.

“Unmissable” – Scotsman
“Highly Recommended” – Guardian
“Funny, penetrating and timely” – Herald
“A Dangerous Game is a game changer. Do not miss!” – Britflicks

In Cinemas From The 5th September

Visit www.adangerousgame.org to find out more

SCOTLAND
Aberdeen Cineworld

Birks Aberfeldy
Dundee Cineworld
Dundee Contemporary Arts

Edinburgh Cameo
Edinburgh Cineworld
Falkirk Cineworld

Glasgow Cineworld
Glasgow Grosvener & Hillhead
Perth Playhouse

ENGLAND AND NORTHERN IRELAND
Bath, The Little Theatre
Belfast Queens Film Theatre
Brighton Komedia
Brixton Ritzy
Cambridge Arts Picturehouse
Crouch End Arthouse

Exeter Picturehouse
Greenwich Picturehouse
Hackney Picturehouse
Inverness Eden Court
Liverpool FACT
Norwich Picturehouse
Nottingham Broadway
Oxford Picturehouse
York Picturehouse

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Jul 252014
 

Old Susannah locks horns with deer-slaying officials while wading through city documents on the deer slaughter going on around us.  By Suzanne Kelly.

DictionaryDoe! Old Susannah’s been home reading stacks of paperwork received from the City, in response to a freedom of information request. These papers are the basis for some Aberdeen Voice stories on the city’s deer ‘management’ and other issues. More coming soon.

Aberdeen City Council officers are none too pleased by this, as we’ve found out some, just the tip of the iceberg really, of what they’ve been playing at with the SNH’s blessing. Basically, we may have as few as nineteen deer left in the entire city. That’s from Danestone to Cove, Tullos to Cults. And of course, they want to kill more.

Some poor chap in Cults whose property borders the countryside says that scores of deer are coming into his garden, depositing ticks and nibbling at his little courgettes.

In effect, he wants the city to come and blast the creatures. Based on his verbal evidence this is what’s happening.

In other parts of the city, attempted dog thefts were reported; staffies were found with horrific fighting injuries, cats have disappeared, and a dog fighting ring was exposed some years back.

Well, in the same lot of correspondence in which the city is looking for ways to help kill the deer in Cults, it is also dryly explained that the police and the city aren’t interested in looking into dog fighting, because there is no actual evidence or eyewitnesses. One rule for one, it seems.

Alas! The city will be further embarrassed. The documents show that the city did not want the public to get too many facts about what’s going on.

A councillor had asked questions about roe deer culling and population, and the reply explains that the officer is afraid of giving too much information away. In another instance, deer were trapped in an enclosure on Tullos over a weekend, with not much to eat as the plants had all been killed by spraying.

The correspondence between the City’s people shows how these things work. For one thing, no one cares what happens in our parks at weekends, so don’t leave a message if it’s urgent.

Secondly, when the problem of two trapped, frightened deer was discovered, our trusty City operatives couldn’t decide whether to find a way to open the gate and shoo them out – difficult, admittedly; or just to shoot them. Decisions, decisions. Those involved were in agreement on one thing though: to solve the problem before the Evening Express got wind of it.

Got to get those priorities right you know.

The SNH thinks we should follow its non-binding guidelines, and have a maximum population on Tullos of three or four deer. How the roe deer survived for the past seven decades, minimum, with a fluctuating herd of three to five dozen is miraculous.

I’m glad the city thinks everyone knows and obeys all wildlife rules

Of course, the deer are deadly. We had a very small number of automobile incidents over the years, let’s just say slightly less in number than drunk driving and speeding-related accidents. My suggestion of putting up signs to warn motorists of deer crossing was dismissed.

As the documents explain, people don’t pay attention to signs.

Think on that when you see all the signs on the roads when you’re out and about. As per Aberdeen Voice and Evening Express articles, the remains of some animals were found in very suspicious circumstances. I had suggested erecting ‘no hunting or poaching’ signs at the park entrance. This was dismissed because you can’t put up signs for every illegal act.

I’m glad the city thinks everyone knows and obeys all wildlife rules, irrespective of their backgrounds, education and culture. So, no signs about not killing the deer, even though they were clearly being killed. Unless they’ve taken to surgically dismembering themselves.

Think on that when you next go to the ‘fun’ beach and see the signs prohibiting half a dozen recreational activities.  Trust your officials, they know what’s best. Maybe not what is best for you, for wildlife or for our levels of pollution, but they know what’s best for them.

Do feel free to drop your councillors and the architects of the deer’s demise, Aileen Malone, Peter Leonard, the SNH and ranger Ian Talboys a note of thanks. Ian is also on the board of an SNH- and taxpayer-funded group which encourages deer killing.

You will find their email addresses here. Let’s not forget well-paid consultant Chris Piper; he definitely got a quick buck from this wheeze.

Will anyone take responsibility, sorry, credit, for the crash in the deer population? No, they’re all busy being fawned over at award ceremonies for planting trees.

It wouldn’t be fair to blame LibDem Aileen HoMalone, except that for one thing she tried to blackmail animal lovers before the first Tullos cull:  pay £200,000+ for fencing, or we’ll kill deer, and the LibDem’s only election pledge adhered to was this tree scheme.

It wouldn’t be fair to blame the officers who kept repeating that we suddenly had more deer than we could manage, and who allowed 34 or 35 deer to be killed on Tullos alone in the first ‘tree for every citizen’ cull, when the agreed report said that 22 would be killed.

We were given that land to look after; we failed

It wouldn’t be right to blame the ranger, who insisted that the fairly new, and assuredly contentious SNH guidelines were put in place.

He was only following SNH orders: except that these were only guidance, and in no way legally binding.

And we all know we must follow orders without question.

That’s why the City keeps class sizes within the legal limits, for instance. It would also be wrong to blame the council for the fact that we’ve lost the parking lot near Nexen that we used to own, and the path that led from it to the hill. We were given that land to look after; we failed, and we lost it back to the private sector, conveniently for those who wanted to build on it.

No, clearly no one bears any responsibility for any of these trivial problems, and any day now there will be a lovely forest on Tullos. I’d start shopping for picnic baskets and blankets. Any day now, the nutritious soil of Tullos will produce a beautiful forest of healthy trees, trees which soon will be nearly as tall as the weeds surrounding them.

The Evening Express has two articles for your enjoyment

http://www.eveningexpress/anger-over-huge-fall-in-deer-population
http://www.eveningexpress/bodies-of-deer-found-on-parkland

It’s time for some definitions relating to this week’s news from the Granite City and beyond.

Corporate Responsibility: (Modern English compound noun) The concept that a business entity’s officers, shareholders and affiliates are responsible for the ethics, behaviour, financial health and operation of the entity.

Poor Mr Donald Trump, some people just don’t understand business, so he’s just a poor misunderstood paper billionaire. So what if he’s declared bankruptcy four or so times, leaving creditors to go belly up? It’s really not his fault. I know this because he says so.

And it’s certainly not his fault that some of the casinos in Atlantic City are to lay off 1400 or so people. One or two of the casinos may bear his name, but as he’ll tell you, these businesses, with twenty-foot high letters spelling out his name are obviously nothing to do with him. After all, he can’t be everywhere at once, can he?

There’s only so much that a poor guy can take on, even if he does have the business acumen and expertise of Sara Malone Bates to rely on.

So come on now, let’s stop picking on the poor guy. It’s not as if there’s some link between the Trumpster and Trump Plaza casino, unless you count:

“…Mr. Trump serves as the Chief Executive Officer of Trump Atlantic City Associates (Trump AC) and has been President since June 2000. He has been the Chief Executive Officer of Trump Atlantic City Funding Inc. (Trump AC Funding) since June 2000. He has been the President of Trump Atlantic City Funding Inc., Trump Atlantic City Funding II Inc. and Trump Atlantic City Funding III Inc., since June 2000 … He has been the President of Trump Atlantic City Holding Inc., Trump Atlantic City Corporation … Mr. Trump has been the President and Treasurer of Trump Casinos Inc. (TCI). He served as Treasurer of Trump’s Castle Funding Inc. (Castle Funding) until April 1998 … He served as the Chief Executive Officer of Trump Hotels & Casino Resorts Funding Inc. and Trump Hotels & Casino Resorts Holdings L.P since June 2000. He served as Chief Executive Officer and President of Trump Entertainment Resorts Funding, Inc. .. from June 2000 to 2005. He served as President of Trump Hotels & Casino Resorts Inc. (THCR), Trump Hotels & Casino Resorts Funding Inc. (THCR Funding) and Trump Entertainment Resorts Holdings, L.P. (a/k/a Trump Hotels & Casino Resorts Holdings LP (THCR Holdings)) …” http://investing.businessweek.com/research/stocks/private/person.asp?personId=341397&privcapId=927734

Visit this link for the whole list of companies Trump is an executive of, but has no relationship with, if you have a few spare hours to get through the whole list.

So you see, there’s no story there.  I hope that’s drawn a line under it for you.

The funny thing is, some people suspect that there may be some dodgy financial dealings in Atlantic City, and that the underworld may be involved. Just because BBC’s Panorama found a link between Donald Trump and the criminal element is no more reason to think he’s involved with crime, than there is any reason to think he’s involved with any of the Trump casino businesses in New Jersey.

Do enjoy your game of golf at Trump Scotland Menie Links or Trump Turnberry, safe in the knowledge that the 1400 people about to lose their jobs, and the thousands who have lost their livelihoods previously, are not likely to rub shoulders with you at a Trump golf resort. Fore!

Gene Pool (English compound noun) The potential for genetic variation within a particular species or population of a species of animal.

I’m sure we’ll all be celebrating how the Tullos Hill tree saplings were rescued from the roe deer peril. Congratulations to those who left us with three or four deer on a hill that for decades supported several dozen animals.

A spoilsport however might question the science behind the rationale for exterminating the critters. These small deer live for six or seven years on average, and are

“65–75 cm (2.1–2.5 ft), and a weight of 15–35 kg (33–77 lb)”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roe_deer

and females usually bear one young per year.  Such a person may conclude that the Tullos Hill roe deer gene pool has been destroyed.

According to the boffins at ‘How Stuff works’ , you need a few animals to have a healthy gene pool:

“A large gene pool provides a good buffer against genetic diseases. Some of the common genetic problems that occur when the gene pool shrinks include:

  • Low fertility
  • Deformities
  • Genetic diseases

“The two most common places to see these effects are in animals nearing extinction and in animal breeds.”

So now that we have the ‘manageable’ figure of three or four Tullos roe left, perhaps the Danestone, Sheddocksley and Cults deer will hop on a bus to Tullos for dating purposes. Perhaps the SNH, ‘Scottish Natural Heritage’ to some, ‘Shootin ‘n Huntin’ to others, have achieved what some say was their and the City’s aim: get rid of the creatures altogether and grow some trees, which hopefully can be felled and sold.

The SNH, paid for by our taxes, in turn funds a private group, Lowland Deer Network Scotland, which lobbies local government to shoot deer, in partnership with other government members, funders and pro-hunting groups. Well done guys.

And well done in particular to ranger Ian Talboys, who is on this committee. It would be a shame if someone looked into the amounts of money involved, the group’s structure (it’s not listed with Companies House) and asked questions about the use of taxpayers’ money by a national government entity to push policy onto local government. No, that would be awful.

All of the stats about how the deer will suffer if not culled to these numbers sound very scientific, but they ignore little things like the gene pool, and that being free and grazing on grass, which is apparently their preferred food, is better than being dead. Trebles all round, and enjoy your free venison, City and SNH boffins: you’ve earned it.

And that’s some of what’s been going on in the ‘Deen this week.

Later this week:  Some definitions about our privacy, and monitoring by Inspired and others. Feel free to go about your normal business: someone is monitoring your every move and storing the data, permanently.

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Jul 252014
 

By Bob Smith.flagsaltiremeniehaar

We hid a wee drive oot
The wye o Ellon toon
The sun wis fair shinin
An fowk war turnin broon
.
Efter an ice cream an waak aroon
We got back in ower the car
A fyow mile oot o Ellon
We war met bi bliddy haar
.
The nearer we got ti Menie
The haar it fair got worse
Wi grey mist ower Trumpie’s coorse
A’m sure a heard a curse
The “greatest golf coorse in the warld”
Far ye cwidna bliddy see
Ye widna hae kent fit line ti tak
Fin drivin aff ony tee
.
A’m a bittie sorry fer the feels
Fa pyed tap money fae afar
An on the coorse they cwidna play
Cos o north east’s famous haar
.
Haar!Haar!Haar! I hear fowk laach
Wi nae sympathy fer The Donald
Fowk shud drive a fyow miles north
An play Ellon’s haar free McDonald

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
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Jul 042014
 

Suzanne Kelly aka Old Susannah gets to grips with the news dominating the headlines this week; she’s having her cake and eating it too.
Dictionary

Another quiet week passes in the Granite City; a baton came to UTG amid light security measures, Anthony Baxter and Richard Phinney premiered their new film, and a former resident’s run off to fight a jihad.

Of the top stories rocking Scotland this week, some seem to be food related: a chef lost his prestigious Trump job because of an offensive shortbread, and a legal ruling has decreed that a snowball is a cake, not a cookie.

The Portsoy Boat Festival was a great weekend out for the hundreds who came; I was serving as a roving interviewer, which was good fun.

The festival gets larger every year – more boats, more races, more music and more visitors.  See you next time.

Anthony Baxter’s A Dangerous Game featured at the Edinburgh film festival. This new documentary features Trump at Menie, and other golf developments going on around the world; the Hollywood Reporter rightly says:-

“The film features heavyweight interviewees including Trump himself, making a comically clumsy attempt at damage limitation”

– I’ve no idea what they mean by that; Trump was every bit as shrewd, honest and on-the-ball as you’d expect.

Some Menie residents went to a screening on the 24th, and by all accounts it was an electric, emotional night. I went on the Saturday; the film again played to a full house. Baxter answered questions afterwards, and after that, a few pints were had. The movie should be in Aberdeen in early September.

Sue Edwards, who tirelessly documents the changing face of the Menie area, rightfully got a photo credit. I was humbled to see that I got a mention in the credits as well.  After the screening I met a nice man who won an award for his documentary; a film about some chap called Tony Benn. Get to see this when you can; it’s called Will and Testament.

Edinburgh is going to have to buck up its ideas about events – hundreds and hundreds of tourists flocking to the city for the festivals, and there’s hardly any uniformed security or crowd barriers in evidence. They can learn a lot about event hosting from us, but more on that later.

Here are some timely definitions for the week’s news

Shortbread: (Scottish noun) a traditional biscuit made of flour, butter and sugar, traditionally shaped into fingers, fans or rounds. Not to be shaped into willies.

Dough! Chef Scot McMillan was fired this past week; his crimes against humanity take the biscuit. Apparently his misdeeds include allowing a willy-shaped shortbread to be baked in his absence, and having photographic evidence of this crime posted on his Facebook page.

What would poor Sarah have done if faced with such a giant willy in the flesh as it were?

This offensive shortbread gave Donald the rise when it popped up on the chef’s Facebook page (note to TUT, and anyone else, teams of Trump minions just may be poring over social media now, looking for offensive biscuit posts; I think this is what people mean by food porn).

Donald didn’t sugar-coat it, the man was fired.

There is no word yet how our own Flour of Scotland/Face of Aberdeen / Mrs Damian Bates/ Sarah Malone is taking this latest news story.

I’m not laughing, and I’m sure you aren’t either. Imagine the delicate sensibilities of The Donald and poor Sarah Malone Bates when their minions, digging around the facebook pages of Trump’s 6,000 local employees (well, that’s the number we were promised) and coming face to face with a funny looking biscuit.

I can picture the scene now; a shrieking Malone-Bates, a ranting Trump, the Spanish Inquisition and teams of paid Trump internet snoops, all horrified. It would be enough to make Trump’s hair stand on end.

What would poor Sarah have done if faced with such a giant willy in the flesh as it were? Would she have eaten it? What would the poor woman have said about the size of it? The trauma of thinking about the possible permutations is too much for Old Susannah.

Alas! As proven by television chefs such as Gordon Ramsay, a chef must be polite, avoid crudeness, and be above all scandal at all times.

If Trump had kept the chef, then all those hordes of limos and arriving private jets taking golfers to Trump would slow down, destroying our economy. I’m sure there is nothing more to this story than what the papers said. At least they didn’t find photographs of any staff enjoying fish suppers.

Perhaps Trump hires Malone-Bates (who is married to dashing P&J Editor Damian Bates, lest we forget), a handful of cleaners, cooks, chefs and waiting staff, and greens people – and then hires twice as many to spy on the web pages of employees. That would account for the prosperity we’re experiencing, witnessed by Stewart Spence flogging his Marcliffe hotel off for housing.

Yes, Spence did say that business was booming because of ‘The Trump Effect’. Perhaps he’s now made so much from American golfers that he can retire to a private island, but you’d have thought such a gold mine here in golf heaven would have remained a hotel. After all, Spence said his business ‘had increased 93%’ because of Trump.

So friends – keep the city and shire safe for millionaire golfers, and report any suspicious looking food seen on Facebook at once. Old Susannah remembers seeing some photos on Facebook of a famous family; they were holding severed elephant tails, dead big cats, and other big game the family in question had destroyed for pleasure.

Let’s hope we can keep seeing more photos like those, and less photos of misshapen shortbread. It’s all a matter of priorities; let’s hope this blows over before it is blown out of all proportions.

Cake: (Modern Scottish legal term) – something that you eat that’s not a biscuit or a pasty, which the taxman can’t charge VAT on.

Wars rage; people harm others, Vodaphone evades tax, we need foodbanks. But celebratory bells will ring, children will dance in the street, and the lion will lie down with the lamb: Snowballs are cakes.

In a decision taking a mere 20 years to reach, the establishment has declared that bakeries including Tunnocks can call their snowball cakes, er, cakes. I’m as relieved about this as you are; it’s been hard to sleep at night knowing this was going on. According to the Daily Mail:

“In the end, the verdict went in favour of the two bakeries’ claim that their snowballs should be classed as cakes – and so are not subject to VAT.

“It will cost HMRC – who had classed it as a sweet and so VAT-rated – more than £2.8million to refund the taxes paid by the two firms.

“The judgment means Lees can claim back £2,057,497 in VAT from HMRC, while Tunnocks can claim back £805,956.  It also means the taxman has lost out on future VAT from snowballs to the tune of millions of pounds.

“It was also revealed in the judgement released yesterday that an informal poll of tax office staff in Dundee found a majority had disagreed with their bosses and thought the teacake was a cake.”
http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/scots-bakers-lees-tunnocks-win-3778835

There is no word yet on the classification of spotted dick.

Alas! there is no time to comment on the discrete, cost-effective security measures that accompanied the baton’s arrival in Union Terrace Gardens, but more on this, and Trump’s reaction to A Dangerous Game next week.

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