Doric Archives - Page 2 of 19

Fair Booled Ower

Nov 072014

By Bob Smith.

On a weel kent street in Aiberdeen
T’wis the nicht o yon Halloween
A fyow chiels dressed as skittles
War oot fer fun, booze an vittles

Doon on Belmont Street they war
Fin they cam upon a bobbie’s car
The loons they did staan their grun
An syne began aa the fun

The boys in blue in their car
Did a gweed job fer polis PR
The car becam the ten pin ba
The “skittles” aa pretendit ti fa

The video o es it wint fair viral
Wi loons bunk balances set ti spiral
A Yankee firm video richts hiv bocht
As mair “hits” on es is socht

Fit next fer the chiels next Halloween
Fin they tak ti the streets o Aiberdeen
They cwid aye dress up as Donald Trumps
Wid the bobbies dare ti “hit” their rumps?

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
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Windfairms (Wi Apologies Ti Wullie Wordsworth)

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Oct 312014

By Bob Smith.

A wanner’t lonely as a clood
A stravaig’t throwe hills an pines
Fin aa at eence a saw aroond
A host o bliddy win’ turbines
Abeen the loch reachin ti the sky
Their massive blades a did espy

Conteenyus as the stars aat shine
They sproot on the taps o hills
Streechin in an nivver eynin line
We’re telt they’ll cure oor energy ills
Meybe nae ten thoosan at a gleck
As alang ma waak a did trek

The waves in loch aside me dunced
As turbine blades they did turn
A swore, a shook, a fairly prunced
An a near fell in a burn
A gazed an gazed in sombre stare
As whirlin blades they rent the air

Aft fin on ma cooch a lie
In vacant or in turmoil mood
There flashes in ma myn’s eye
An image a see fit’s nae good
An syne ma hairt wi anger fills
As a see crockaneetion on the hills

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 28/10/2014
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A Hinna Got Time (So Fowk Say)

Creative Writing, Opinion 1 Response »

Oct 242014

By Bob Smith.

A’m fleein aroon fae a ti b
Placies ti visit, things ti dee
If a canna git ‘ere quick bi car
A’ll gyang on a plane fin it’s ower far

Bring up ma bairns! Tak them ti the park!
Aat idea ma mannie wint oot wi the ark
A’m already workin aicht ‘oors a day
So the nursery skweel fees A’m able ti pay

Tak the weans ti skweel? A’m nae daft
Are ye thinkin’ ma heid’s a bittie saft
Collect them ti? div ye nae see?
Grunnie dis aat, She’s nithing else ti dee

Leuk efter the aal’ eens? Na na ma freen
Social services tak care o’ a bodie gyaan deen
A’ve nae got time ti leuk in bye ti see
It’s nae ma fault the puir bugger micht dee

Relax in the gairden? Ye maan be jokin!
The verra idea his got me boakin
Jist cover it aa up wi a wee suppie tar
So a can park my bonnie big car

Foo ti relax? Noo ‘ere’s the hub
A ken, A’ll awa’ doon ti the pub
Efter a fyow drinks a’ll be as richt as rain
Syne ready ti rush aboot aa ower again

©bob smith “the poetry mannie” 2014
Image Credit: Family – Olga Vasilkova, Dreamstime Stock Photos.
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Div Ye Myn (Pairt 2)

Creative Writing, Opinion 5 Responses »

Oct 172014

By Bob Smith.

Div ye myn o Peter Craigmyle
A gweed referee in his day
Fa ained a tobacconist shoppie
Sellin bogie roll an Craven A
.
Div ye myn o the Majestic Cinema
Wi its usherettes fair smairt
Div ye myn o Woolies in Union Street
Wi its bonnie twins richt pert
.
Div ye myn o the Kit Kat Café
Nae far fae Holburn Junction
Div ye myn o Mitchell and Muil
Fa catered fer teas an luncheon
.
Div ye myn o J & A Ogilvie
An upholsterer maist posh
Their Union Street shoppie
Welcomed fowk wi lots o dosh
.
Div ye myn Peglers on Union Street
Ye cwid buy fresh fruit richt fine
Jist efter the war, fer bananas
Ye hid ti aa queue in line
.
Div ye myn o Claud Hamilton
As coachbiggers they stairtit oot
Div ye myn o Rossleigh’s showroom
A placie o richt gweed repute

Div ye myn o Burroughs an Watts
Ye cwid play snooker or ping pong
Div ye myn o the Playhoose cinema
Showin picters like King Kong
.
Div ye myn o Herd’s Corner Hoose Restaurant
Aboot half wye doon Bridge Street
Div ye myn o a lounge in Back Wynd
A think it wis ca’ed The Elite
.
Div ye myn o The Northern Assurance
Hame o the famed Monkey Hoose
Div ye myn o Bon-Accord lemonade
A favourite in nearly ivvery hoose
.
Div ye myn fin Union Street wis full
O shops o aa different kines
Div ye myn o fowk shoppin in George Street
Fin bike wheels got stuck in tram lines
.
Div ye myn o Union Street Setterday nichts
Or on Sundays nae dodgin fowk drunk
Nae fear o aggro fae loons an quines
Fa noo are drunk as a skunk
.
.
.
.
©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014

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Wee Eck in Showbiz ?

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Oct 102014

By Bob Smith.

Wee Eck wull hae time on his haans
Fit wull he noo dee ti wow aa his fans
Foo aboot performin on shows like X-Factor
A singer a duncer or maybe an actor

“I Dreamed a Dream” is a sang he cwid sing
Or in a braw kilt he cwid dunce Heilan Fling
An actor o coorse wid bi richt up his street
Tho’ his latest performances made lots o fowk greet

A lion tamer in a circus wid suit Wee Eck fine
He’s weel used ti wheep crackin ti keep fowk in line
A reader o palms –noo fegs ‘ere’s a thing
“Gypsy Rose” Salmond aat his a braw ring

On Strictly Come Duncin cwid oor Eck dee a twirl
He micht be mair suited ti an Eichtsome Reel birl
In tails an bow tie he cwid ay dee a Valeta
Or maybe a tango wi a quine ca’ed Conchita

They say auld politeeshuns niver dee they jist fade awa
Auld politeeshuns nivver dee but fae office can fa
Wull Wee Eck fade awa or inti the sunset micht ride
The mannie likes the limelight so aroon he wull bide

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
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A Mither

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Oct 032014

By Bob Smith.

A mither’s love is eynless
A mither’s love nivver tires
A mither’s love kens nae bounds
A mither’s love inspires

A mither gied ye a bosie
Fin ye fell an skin’t yer knee
A mither syne telt ye aff
Fer climmin up aat tree

A mither’s maist affa wise
An telt ye wrang fae richt
A mither jist shook her heid
Fin thocht ye nae aat bricht

A mither she aye listen’t
As ye hit een o yer lows
A mither gied ye spunk
Ti tackle aa life’s woes

Ay myn o aat gweed wumman
Be she mither, mum or mam
Fowk aa ower the warld
Should toast mithers wi a dram

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie”2013
Image: © Melissa M. Morris | Dreamstime Stock Photos
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Scots Wha Hinna

Creative Writing, Opinion 4 Responses »

Sep 262014

By Bob Smith.

Scots wha hinna voted yes
Scots wha left Eck in a mess
Scots wha widna settle fer less
Wint on ti victory
.
Wee Eck tho wis affa calm
Wis unnerneath tho blast an damn?
Maybe he took a wee bit dram
As No’s claimed victory
.
Fit noo wull wee Eck dee
As fowk refused Yes aims ti see
Apairt fae Glesga an Dundee
Maist regions voted No
.
The Yes voters they war cheesed
A fyow o them war fair displeased
Some o them widna be appeased
Cos No claimed victory

Lit’s hope Yes an No can be pals
An nae protest ootside toon halls
Nae kickin each ither in the balls
Jist accept it’s aa noo ower
.
Wee Eck his hid ti resign
Aat tap table nae langer dine
An somewye farrer doon the line
A new leader SNP wull embrace
.
Bickerin fowk a wid send ‘em
Far awa fae onything referendum
The “referendum his become the neverendum”
Fan wull it ivver bliddy eyn?
.
A really hope things settle doon
Some faces tho still weer a froon
Peace an quairt wid be a boon
Noo Scotland’s voted No

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2014
Image Credit: Kay Roxby. Use via Creative Commons Licence.

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A Lament Fer Torry

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Sep 192014

By Bob Smith.

Torry fowk they can tak nae mair
Hairbour extenshuns are hard ti bear
Bey o Nigg gyaan doon the spoot
Quality o life’ll be grim nae doot
.
Fer ‘ears an ‘ears at Nigg Bay
Fowk enjoyed thersels at play
Watchin the dolphins oot at sea
Or hittin gowf bas aff the tee
.
Marine an wild life on the brink
Fae sewage warks ye hiv a stink
Hooses they wull lose their price
Yet Torry fowk they are nae mice

They’ll fecht agin the hairbour new
An wint aabody tae pit their view
“It’s only Torry” ye hear fowk say
Like donkeys- idiots like tae bray
.
The Torry fowk they hiv a richt
Ti live in peace, nae hemm’t in ticht
Wi industrial hairbours or shitie smell
Their lives becomin a livin hell
.
So jist stuff the new hairbour plan
Time ti derail the “developmint van”
Afore it blights the hail o Torry
Time its fowk nae mair need worry.

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Ay Ay Fit Like?

Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Sep 122014

By Bob Smith.

‘Ay ay fit like e day?’
Comes oot o a nor’east mou
They’ll nae ask aboot the FTSE
Jist fits the price o a coo

Es wither his bin affa gweed
The barley’s in fine fettle
If tatties hud their price
The wife’ll git her new kettle

Are yer hennies aye still layin?
An tatties weel set in the dreel?
Man a wis noo jist thinkin
Yer calfies leuk affa weel

Nae funcy spik fae fairmin fowk
Jist stracht an ti the pynt
Incomers micht git offendit
Wi their nose pit oot o jint

Bit tak the fowk as ye fin ‘em
Git used ti their nor’east wyes
It’ll tak a file ti fill their beets
Ye micht struggle ti reach their size

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Referendum Yaaaawn!!!!

Articles No Responses »

Sep 052014

By Bob Smith.

If ye canna git some kip
Read some referendum papers
Ye’ll seen fa faist asleep
Bored ti tears wi aa the capers
.
Debates here an debates there
Jist the same auld bliddy crap
We’ll be neen the wiser
Nae maiiter fa cums oot on tap
.
A really cwidna gie a shit
Fegs ae lot’s as bad’s the ither
Faimilies throweoot the lan
Hiv noo brither agin brither.
.
We’ll aa be better aff
Yes camp es are sure o
Awa ye go the No lot say
We micht hae ti use the Euro

“McFlannel” an “Ditherling” hid a spat
It aa wis maist unseemly
Wi fowk syne cairryin on
It hisna bin aa aat freenly
.
Es his bin pit upon us
Wiv bin forced ti pick a side
Efter the eichteenth o September
The result we maan aa abide
.
The vote michtna be conclusive
Hivven save us fae es fate
If the result’s ower close ti ca
Aa think a micht emigrate!!!
.
Instead o haen anither vote
Jist hae pluffers drawn at dawn
T’wull save aa the bliddy palaver
An aathing’s a bliddy yaaaawn

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[Aberdeen Voice accepts and welcomes contributions from all sides/angles pertaining to any issue. Views and opinions expressed in any article are entirely those of the writer/contributor, and inclusion in our publication does not constitute support or endorsement of these by Aberdeen Voice as an organisation or any of its team members.]

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