Bob Smith Archives - Page 6 of 8

Anither Bliddy Hypocrite

Articles, Creative Writing, Opinion, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Mar 302011

By Bob Smith.

Noo oor Widdie he his made ma laach
I think the mannie’s jist made a gaffe
Fin he ranted at thon Chuncellor Dod
Faa I’m sure he thinks an ignorant sod

Chuncellor Dod raised the North Sea tax
Sir Ian thinks iss is maist affa lax
Geordie Osborne shud hae asked the view
O Sir Ian Widd an aa his motley crew

Wi the ile industry Dod’s nae consulted
So Widdie wis maybe a bittie insulted
Seems the chuncellor shud hae first teen heed
O the haill ile industry an aa their creed

A wee bit o a hypocrite ye cwid caa Sir Ian
Aiberdonians thochts they wir sint fleein
Aboot UTG plans Sir Ian, ye ignored oor view
So fit wye shud Dod Osborne tak heed o you

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2011

Prood Ti Be A Teuchter

Aberdeenshire, Articles, Creative Writing, Opinion, Satire and Humour Comments Off

Mar 252011

By Bob Smith.

It’s noo weel nigh on fifty ear
Seen I left ma faither’s fairm
Ti gyang an bide in the toon
An there ti chunce ma airm

Bit noo I’m growein auler
Ma myn gings back a fyle
Fin I wis classed a kwintra teuchter
Brocht up in a different style

There’s nae muckle wrang I maun confess
Wi a body faa wis born in the toon
Bit on fowk faa spikkit the Doric
Some ower their noses wid look doon

Noo the jobbie I wis fee’t fer
Hid me spikkin aat bit mair posh
The thingies yer asked ti dee
Fin ye need ti earn some dosh

Bit losh ye nivver forget yer roots
An I still spik in the Doric tongue
An on the odd antrin nicht
A cornkister I hiv sung

So I’m prood ti be a teuchter
Prood ti be an aul kwintra loon
An I’ll stick twa fingers up
Ti them faa wid ding us doon

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2010

Maist Cooncillors Wid Mak Ye Cry

Aberdeen City, Articles, Creative Writing, Opinion, Satire and Humour Comments Off

Mar 182011

By Bob Smith.

(Ti bi sung ti the melody o “Ghost Riders in the Sky”)

As I gid waakin ower the wye doon bye Union Street
The scene fit I could see wid mak ye bliddy greet
Aathing noo are multiples wi jist the odd local shoppie
Nae ony sma businesses or cafes ained by the Giulianottis

Noo on the scene cams Sir Ian Widd he is a local chiel
Treatin aa the fowk wi disdain as tho they’re bliddy feel
Wi a vision fer UT Gairdens we fin affa hard ti bear
The bonnie trees an shrubbies oot the grun he’d like ti tear

Numpties yi Ohhhh
Numpties yi Yaaaay
Maist cooncillors wid mak ye cry

The Acsef gowks an the cooncillors hiv noo backit iss scheme
Ti cover ower the gairdens an realise oor Widdie’s dream
Despite the public votin no an sayin jist bugger aff
Leave oor bonnie gairdens, yer ideas they are naff

Up pops wee Stewartie Milne wi plans for the Triple Kirks
Sir Ian Widd’s ideas fit in wi his so he thinks we’re stupid birks
A biggin fit’s nae pleasin, jist fu o gless an steel
Aa the architecture roon aboot wid loss it’s great appeal

Numpties yi Ohhhh
Numpties yi Yaaay
Maist cooncillors wid mak ye cry

They’re pluntin trees on Tullos Hill for us aa ti enjoy
Yet cullin o the resident deer iss seems a stupid ploy
Oor cooncillors ti protect the trees winna spend ony dosh
They’re thinkin o the venison steaks, ti bi served ti them as nosh

Oor cooncillors they hiv nae sense, fowk noo think they’re mad
Lossin the grant for the Peacock scheme iss wis maist affa sad
It’s nae the only thing the cooncil’s tint, they’ve lost the plot as weel
Nae wunner Aiberdonians think the haill damn’t lot are feel

Numpties yi Ohhhh
Numpties yi Yaaay
Maist cooncillors wid mak ye cry

Cock-Ups An Muddles Are Aa On The Go

Aberdeen City, Articles, Creative Writing, Opinion, Satire and Humour Comments Off

Mar 112011

Cock-Ups An Muddles Are Aa On The Go – by Bob Smith.

( Ti bi sung ti the tune o Molly Malone )

In Aiberdeen’s fair toonie
Faar cooncillors are thocht looney
Bides a cooncil convener
Named Aileen Malone
An she wheels oot her spiel
Aboot the Tullos Hill deal
Cryin show us yer money
Or the beasties are gone

Aa on the go
Aa on the go
Cock-ups an Muddles are aa on the go

She got aroon fifty queries
Fits the fate o the deeries?
“Aboot” een fae the city an een fae the shire?
Sayin the rest are nae local
Aboot iss she’s maist vocal
Cryin ti fin oot addresses
I hiv nae desire

Aa on the go
Aa on the go
Cock-ups an Muddles are aa on the go

Noo there’s something I’m sure
She hisna a clue—er
Maybe they cam fae the toon efter aa
Fae Torry or Ellon?
The wifie’s nae tellin
Cryin I’m jist a puir cooncillor
Faa’s back’s ti the wa

Aa on the go
Aa on the go
Cock-ups an Muddles are aa on the go

Oh the wumman’s fair sweatin
At the pelters she’s gettin
Maybe at coontin she’s nae verra gweed
Cooncillor Malone dinna dither
Jist git ti hell thither
Ti buy a new abacus
It’s jist fit ye need

Aa on the go
Aa on the go
Cock-ups an Muddles are aa on the go

Lament For Aiberdeen

Aberdeen City, Articles, Creative Writing, Opinion Comments Off

Mar 032011

By Bob Smith.

Greet fer oor eence great city
Fer Aiberdonians hae great pity
A toon run by a bunch o eeseless feels
A cooncil in the pooch o business chiels

Greet fer oor eence bonnie toon
Faar we’ve bin brocht roon
Ti a city run bi them aat’s rich
Faar protest they wid like ti ditch

Greet fer democracy twixt Don an Dee
A toon faar the cooncillors boo the knee
Kowtowin ti aa thon Acsef bunch
Fit for? Maybe the odd free lunch?

Greet fer the greenbelt an hae a groan
A briggie ti be biggit near Tillydrone
A fitba stadium fit glowes reid
The Loch o Loirston’ll seen bi deid

Greet fer the green lungs o the toon
Faar UTG’s trees wull be cut doon
Ti be replaced by a rich chiel’s vision
Time we aa treated iss wi derision

Fit’s happenin noo we shud lament
An banish oor cooncillors ti Tashkent
Bit lit us nae get ower doon in the moo
We micht yet dunce ti a jig fae Iron Broo

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie”2010

City Deevilment Company

Articles, Creative Writing, Opinion, Satire and Humour Comments Off

Feb 252011

By Bob Smith.

Jist hud on a wee meen’tie
Noo fit’s aa iss crap?
A City Development Co.
Ti pit us aa on e map

Maist likely a Deevilment Co
Is fit fowk micht jalouse
Tryin ti sneak throwe ideas
So UTG we wid lose

Awa wi yer cooncil haverins
Dinna listen ti them craw
If private sector’s involved
It’ll be nae eese ava

The heid-bummer o the company
Is ti be a business mannie
We’ll hae ti be richt vigilant
So’s e buggers they ca canny

Transferin assets o oor toon
Am nae happy wi at aa
Iss micht be legalised robbery
O city “treasures” fit are braw

Noo aroon the eyn o April
Aathing micht become mair clear
Aiberdonians afore aat tho’
Shud stan up an bliddy jeer

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2010

‘Nigg’les Aroon The Loch

Aberdeen City, Articles, Creative Writing, Opinion, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Feb 182011

By Bob Smith.

Fit a stramash roon Loirston wye
Aboot the Dons new fitba hame
The local fowk are up in airms
Claimin some are nae playin the game

Noo richt awa I maun declare
An interest in aa iss spik
As I masel can be fun
At Pittodrie ilka second wikk

I hiv an interest as weel
In conservation o greenbelt lan
An fir mair than 5 decades
I’ve bin a wildlife fan

Noo aat’s said let’s hae a look
At the argiement for an agin
Tho’ ti build on protected lan
Iss ti me wid be a sin

Fir greenbelt lan it wid seem
Planners dinna hae muckle time
Nivver myn the flora an fauna
Jist cover it wi steen an lime

The Community Cooncil hiv great doots
Aboot the traffic an the parkin
Cloggin up aa the road arteries
Iss scheme they think is barkin

It’s nae surprise yon Stewartie Milne
Is richt ahin aa this caper
Wi lots o his business freens
An the “rag” o a local paper

I’ve hid a wird wi a fyow Dons fans
Faa ken the move is nigh
Maist are nae in favour
O a move oot Loirston wye

Bit losh I’m fair dumfoonert
Fit wye AFC canna upgrade
Aa the stands an ither bitties
Wi a new Main Stand ti be made

The new biggin it’ll glow aa reid
Fin the Dons play nicht matches
It micht be thocht a UFO
An be mentioned in RAF dispatches

The P&J – oh fit a surprise
Think aathing’ll be a bonus
They shud tell us aa the facts
An hae an impartial focus

Noo fowk aa ower the toon
At iss thocht will faa aboot
An impartial view fae the P&J
We’ll nivver hae I doot

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2010

Stewartie’s On A Shooglie Peg

Aberdeen City, Articles, Creative Writing, Satire and Humour No Responses »

Feb 042011

By Bob Smith.

Stewartie Milne could be a loser
Dis he ken fit he is deein?
Backin some kittlesome ideas
Lots o fowk are disagreein

He’s weel ti the forefront
Promotin twa SPL tiers o ten
Bit some o his cronies say
Awa back an think again

He’s a freen o yon Trump
So must back use o CPOs
Stewartie min tak great care
Ye micht get a bleedy nose

Wi ACSEF he’s in bed
Wi Sir Ian Widd he cavorts
His the mannie nae sense ava ?
He maun be oot o sorts

The new stadium at Loirston
Is a must the chiel dis spoot
Maist Dons fans are nae convinced
An lots they hiv great doot

So Stewartie jist tak note
Tho’ millions ye micht hae
The fowk faa div oppose ye
They micht yet win the day

Fatty Arbuckles And Tessie O’Sheas

Articles, Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Jan 282011

By Bob Smith.

We’ve aa pit on a bittie wecht
Caused by eatin convenience food
Nae mair time it seems we tak
Ti cook fit’s healthy an good

We stuff oorsels wi ready made meals
Shoved in the oven or microwave
Iss food is maistly tasteless shite
Tho’ time it wid seem we save

Fowk are classed as cooch tatties
TV channels they hiv on tap
I canna get ma heid roon iss
As the T.V noo is crap

“I hivna time ti cook a meal”
Tis the modern hoosewife’s wail
Jist aet fit a pit afore ye
Tho ye micht get like a whale

Mair choice! mair choice! we gie ye
Is the supermarkets prood boast
Nivver myn that fit wer eatin
His traivelled fae the sooth coast

Maybe we should listen ti the pleas
An cook like aal Auntie Jessie
Unless we aa wint ti turn intae
A Fatty Arbuckle or Twa Ton Tessie

The Lost Village

Aberdeen City, Articles, Creative Writing, Opinion No Responses »

Jan 212011

By Bob Smith.

Tak a trip oot bye Cove
It’s aneuch ti mak ye greet
Nae langer a quiet wee hamlet
Wi sma hoosies alang Main Street

Fit hiv they deen ti the village
Hooses thrown up here an there
The auld pairt still his tranquility
The rest is hard ti bear

Hae a waak up past the skweel
An ye’ll see fit I div mean
Aa the paths aroon Whitehills
Are nae langer ti be seen

The lang street fit’s Loirston Road
Wi it’s affshoot the “Hennie Raw”

His still a lot o hoosies
Fit are bonnie bricht an braw

Gyang wakkin doon the Main Street
Past the weel kent Cove Bay Hotel
The closer ye cam ti the shore
The air his aat tangy smell

Kids used ti be able ti sledge
Doon the brae an ower the brig
If they wir ti try iss nooadays
Some graves they wid hae ti dig

A bonnie freenly place wis Cove
Far ye eence stoppit for a blether
Wi muckle hoosin developments and sic
Fowk noo at the eyn o their tether

Thoosans o hooses aa roon aboot

For fowk fa wark in Aiberdeen
Nae thocht for life’s quality
Fit aul “Covers” wid hae seen

Div the kids still play at the shore?
Div they waak on the parapets?
Div they swing on pulley ropes still?
Faar the fisher fowk hung their nets

Harry Gordon he sang iss song
“Tak me back ti Cove”
If Harry wis here nooadays
He’d say na na by jove

Developers an planners are let loose
On villages fae Don ti the Tay
Can we stop iss mass invasion
O ither villages like Cove Bay

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