Old Susannah aka Suzanne Kelly ponders her betters this week, and tugs her forelock in the general direction of the wealthy who have shaped the society we have today.
It actually has been a dynamic and vibrant week in the Deen. With huge regrets I missed Granite, the National Theatre of Scotland’s multimedia all-star cast production that sold out three nights last week.
The night I had tickets for the driving rain drove me indoors (asthma you know). Everyone who saw it loved it.
Cast members came from the city as well, with Dame Ann Begg doing a turn, and Aberdeen Voice’s Fred Wilkinson was involved too.
Elly Rothnie helped bring us this production; she works at the National Theatre of Scotland, although in a perfect, honest, meritocracy would by now be helping to run things in a brand new Peacock Visual Arts Centre in Union Terrace Gardens.
For the many people out there who’ve forgotten what really happened – well, we don’t really do know what happened.
One day Scottish Enterprise (headed for years by Sir Ian Wood) was helping Peacock’s plans. The next day, Scottish Enterprise decided that Sir Ian Wood’s dream of a subterranean car park in the gardens, run by acquaintances of Sir Ian Wood in a private company was a better idea, with Sir Ian Wood deciding what would be built in the gardens (common good land, lest we forget).
Perhaps it’s just that I never had any formal investigative journalism training, but I’ve always had the oddest feeling that there was some kind of connection between Scottish Enterprise’s change of heart and Sir Ian. Clearly there wasn’t though – or the Press & Journal would have written about it.
Moving swiftly along, the big event coming this week is BrewDog’s colossal Annual General Meeting on Saturday. This will be my fourth (I think), and it’s going to see 6,000 people coming to the AECC for fun, froth and frolics. And of course business.
Is it possible that Aberdeen can attract people even without a granite web and before the beautiful Marischal Square complex is built? Seems so. I’ve been to the new bar, and love its menu, feeling and of course bottle shop, but I’m still more at home in the original, first-ever BrewDog bar opposite Marischal College. The Beermuda Triangle will be teaming with international beer fans this weekend; and I can’t wait.
Outside the geography of the Beermuda Triangle you’ll find Under The Hammer on North Silver Street. I’ve been in a few group shows there with Neal Bothwell over the past few years (thanks Keith Byres); Neale’s got a solo show on at present; catch it if you can.
Aside from this Aberdonian excitement, it’s been hard to find any interesting news stories this week to write about. That nice Mr Donald Trump wants women to be punished for having abortions. Then he said he wants them punished if abortion was illegal. Next he didn’t want the women tarred and feathered, but the doctors instead.
Iain Duncan Smith is REALLY REALLY SORRY
Now, he thinks no one should be punished (this may or may not have happened after a journalist asked if any of his past squeezes ever had one).
It’s exactly this sensitive, well thought through take on today’s issues that we want in a world leader. I’m sure every woman feels like I do that we’re better off having some big, strong, handsome, intelligent man telling us what we should or shouldn’t do with our own bodies. I really can’t tell you how grateful I am to Mr Trump for this.
A Guardian article is for some reason critical of The Donald, but then again, it was written by some no doubt hysterical woman
Elsewhere Iain Duncan Smith is REALLY REALLY SORRY that he’d made all those laws he rolled out. I personally thought he was just trying to get the lazy skivers out of their hospital beds and into some kind of profitable (if not well paying) work.
In an interview with Private Eye’s Ian Hislop, Smith is on the verge of tears as he slices an onion – sorry – as he thinks about a suffering mum. No doubt he’ll be devoting himself to helping people today who he penalised yesterday. It might be too late for some people, but IDS is sorry, and that’s all that matters.
Leaving behind the tedious problems of the disabled and the poor, the news this week also had some story about money laundering in Panama. What’s wrong with laundering money? I put a fiver in the wash the other week in my jeans pocket, and it came out smelling like orchid and lavender.
Panama is an interesting small Central American country known for hats and a canal. It’s motto is “For the Benefit of the World”. That’s awfully nice of them.
The country had some previous tax haven problems, sad to say.
Result! Panama was removed:
“… from the Organization of Economic Development’s gray-list of tax havens by signing various double taxation treaties with other nations.”
That’s turned out well then.
With a little hard work, and the right relatives, you too can have an offshore bank account or two. If not, and you find yourself queuing at the job centre or being hauled up for a disability benefits review, take heart.
At least other people are doing very well indeed, and Iain Duncan Smith is sorry and feels your pain.
Sure, no one’s paying tax anymore (well, no one important or rich anyway), and the NHS and benefits are at breaking point. Still, it’s good economic news because we’re attracting business to the UK. Mind you, we’re doing that by letting multinationals based here pay no tax. But don’t worry. It’s all going to be just fine.
Did you miss David Cameron’s stirring speech on tax evasion? Never fear, for here it is.
I’m sure this moving oration won’t require any explanation, but just in case you don’t quite follow Mr Cameron when he talks of the vast chasm of difference between the words ‘avoidance’ and ‘evasion’, here are some definitions.
Tax Avoidance: (Modern English Conservative Speak) – not paying all the tax you should pay by avoiding tax.
Legal
Tax Evasion: (Modern English Conservative Speak) – not paying all the tax you should pay by evading tax.
Illegal
Treating people like children is not my intention, but it’s important that we all understand the clear difference between avoidance and evasion. I’d not want you think I was being evasive in avoiding this point, so here are some vastly differing definitions.
To Avoid: (English Verb) –
Merriam-Webster has this to say about the word avoid:
“to get or keep away from (as a responsibility) through cleverness or trickery <trying to avoid writing thank-you notes for the gifts he didn’t like>.
“Synonyms escape, dodge, duck, elude, eschew, evade, finesse, get around, scape, shake, shirk, shuffle (out of), shun, weasel (out of)
“Related Words miss; avert, deflect, divert, obviate, parry, prevent, ward (off); ban, bar, debar, eliminate, except, exclude, preclude, rule out; bypass, circumvent, skirt; foil, fox, frustrate, outfox, outsmart, outwit, overreach, thwart”
– http://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/avoid
So clearly, avoiding tax is fine.
To Evade: (English Verb) –
Merriam-Webster says of the word evade :
“to get or keep away from (as a responsibility) through cleverness or trickery <people who use every loophole in the law to evade paying taxes>.
“Synonyms avoid, dodge, duck, elude, eschew, escape, finesse, get around, scape, shake, shirk, shuffle (out of), shun, weasel (out of)
“Related Words miss; avert, deflect, divert, obviate, parry, prevent, ward (off); ban, bar, debar, eliminate, except, exclude, preclude, rule out; bypass, circumvent, skirt; foil, fox, frustrate, outfox, outsmart, outwit, overreach, thwart”
– http://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/evade
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Sheer brilliance, as usual Suzanne. Hilariously sad state of affairs.
Thank you kindly – Suzanne. I hope though that after Donald Trump’s column launches on Monday in the P&J that you won’t switch alliance to him and forget Old Susannah.
Superb piece as ever, Suzanne. I am fervently hoping that what you said about Trump’s forthcoming column in our esteemed local press was a belated April Fool…
Suzanne says – Thanks very much. I guess Trump’s got to find a new income stream as he’s unlikely to get the presidential job. Have read 7 out of 10 Americans polled say that they can’t stand him. Alas! The column is very real. Expect more about it after it debuts on Monday.
Given that the P&J has a limit on the number of free articles one can read, I doubt I’ll be reading The Donald’s output, nor buying the actual newspaper. I trust we can count on you to keep us informed – you do such a sterling job, thank you.
Suzanne responds: I guess if someone wants unbiased, professional, enthralling groundbreaking writing and investigative journalism like the P&J offers, it’s only fair to pay for the privilege. But if you search the internet for a news item or a column you want, under the actual result, there is a line that reads ‘cached’ ending in an arrow. Hit that link / the arrow and you will see the item your heart desires, in this case on Monday the Trump column. And it’s free. But yes, I can’t wait to read the musings of a US presidential hopeful who has found time to launch a column in Aberdeen. Am a bit disappointed; I’d been gearing up to approach the P&J and beg them for a paying job as a columnist. I’m sure they would have hired me, but looks like I’m too late.
Perfect one paragraph description of the shafting of Peacock, thank you.
It looks as if that column by The Donald was a one off rather than a regular feature, so we are to be denied further glimpses of his brilliance.
Suzanne says – thank you Susan. Am quite disappointed that the P&J’s exclusive new columnist hasn’t found time to write a second column; perhaps his priority is to embarrass grandmothers who answer a call of nature in sand dunes near him. Then again, having announced that he won Scotland over, perhaps he’s little left to say.