Jul 092010

By Suzanne Kelly.

Democratic Government

A western style of social organisation existing to ensure that shopping and car park complexes are built, and disadvantaged and misunderstood multi-millionaires have an opportunity to make their voices heard by the ignorant masses. To create a democratic government, ‘elections’ are held, and the citizenry choose upstanding, sober members of their communities to make laws and regulations and shopping and car park complexes on their behalf.

Such ‘elected’ officials by virtue of election therefore know what is best, and do not necessarily have to listen to their ‘electorate’ once elected. These servants of the public may endure hardships including trips to Europe and Texas, as well as attending many dinners in many different outfits (with matching shoes) which the electorate are lucky enough to finance. The electorate will have to accept that in order to enjoy the advantages of a democratic society, sacrifices will have to be made. Schools will close, services for people with special needs will close, and carers and their charges will have to fend for themselves. However, there will be little of that, due to the economic prosperity for all once the shopping and car park complexes are built.


A sporting competition where the player deploys his money to make speculative real estate purchases. A love of money is required, and the game takes place on a level playing field (which will eventually be turned into luxury housing). The game can be played in parks, Loriston Park*, for instance.


An offering of some sort – usually monetary – requiring the recipient to use it in a prescribed manner for a stated purpose. Acceptance of a gift will usually result in the recipient having to contribute a substantial sum, usually twice the value of the ‘gift’, for the gift to be realised. There may also be destruction of existing assets (such as a dozen or so ancient trees and habitat) in accepting a gift. Taking a gift may also require the recipient to set up companies, often run by the gift giver, to ensure the gift is used as the giver intended. To paraphrase one prominent NE developer, anyone who would refuse a gift is an idiot.

Loirston Park

Land set aside for the use of the football player; this useless ground, currently home to birds, trees, plants and animals can be made nearly as productive as a car park by the addition of a football club and concrete. At the current entrance to Loirston Park is a sign, on which Aberdeen City and Scottish Enterprise dedicate the land to the people to wealthy developers.

Shopping and Car Park Complex

A unique, rare combination of two types of facilities resulting in permanent economic prosperity for the inhabitants of the town or city where the complex is located. These rare creations are architectural marvels where rare, unique goods and services can be purchased by the newly-enriched citizens from such exotic merchants as Boots, Next and Faith Shoes. You can never have too many shopping and car park complexes in a city; no expense should be spared in creating as many as possible for growth and prosperity.

Join us next time for Dictionary Corner, when Old Susannah will cover words and phrases such as ‘Scottish Enterprise’, ‘ASCEF’, ‘tree’ and ‘K Dean’.