May 092014
 

Voice’s Old Susannah takes a look over the past week’s events in the ‘Deen and beyond. By Suzanne Kelly.

DictionaryBefore I get down to the usual business, at the time of writing, the fire in Crovie is foremost on many people’s minds. The homeowner  is still unaccounted for (as is a household pet), but remains have been found.

I’ve personally had a great week of travel and adventure, but that all seems a long time ago. Whoever you are, and whether you like or loathe my 150 political satire columns, I’ll ask you one thing – please get and maintain a smoke detector.

People who know me may think I go overboard in my zeal about fire issues; maybe I do.

However, I’ve had friends and relatives who are fire fighters, and all of them will tell you how very quickly a small fire turns into a room filled with fatally toxic smoke. They’d tell you to have a fire alarm and test it, have a fire blanket and/or extinguisher – and to have a fire plan.

No one cares about these details when they’re at home, comfortable surrounded by friends, family and possessions. Everyone who has lost friends, family and possessions because of a fire will tell you they wish they had cared about these details before a fire struck. I’d beg you to get an alarm if I thought it would make you do it.

A childhood friend of mine might still be around today for that matter. They couldn’t find their way out of a smoke filled room which quickly became toxic. (Mind that chip pan in particular; that’s the regional main cause of house fires).

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On the lighter side of things, The UK Subs came to town, shook things up at the Moorings Bar, and my ears are still ringing (despite wearing earplugs). It was also  Aberdeen Voice editor and founder, Fred Wilkinson’s birthday. Happy Birthday Fred.

I’ve been lucky enough this week to be in Nice on the Cote d’Azur and in Monaco. Nice has a large outdoor square – but guess what? The weather is warm and dry enough for it to be used for all manner of things year round. Amazingly, there are beautiful trees, shrubs and flowers everywhere – and no one picks the flowers or uproots the plants to be cool on their way home from a drunken night out.

No one seems to litter at all either, and I don’t think they’ve painted their pavements gray to be cool, either like we just did. Along Nice’s waterfront you won’t find giant, windowless movie theatres, shopping malls, sewerage plants or a massive industrial harbour.

It’s almost as if creating elegant, relaxing, plant-filled open spaces were more important than money. And the money pours in as the tourists can’t get enough of walking up and down the waterfront on the Promenade des Anglais. Aberdeen still has some wildlife tourists, but let’s see how long we can completely industrialise/commercialise our remaining coastline.

do not let your pets drink from the East Tullos Burn

Funnily enough, Nice has far cleaner air than we do as well. Could this be because they’ve set aside green spaces, arranged very frequent and affordable public transport, have a bicycle rental scheme, and encourage pedestrians? Funny people, the French.

One of my flights was delayed due to a minor engine fault. Some of the passengers were very cross about the captain’s decision not to fly (he seemed to think that not risking our lives instead of flying with a small engine leak was a good idea).

Quite rightly the more important passengers started grilling a young stewardess about the engine’s technical problem, demanded to know precisely when the plane would be flying, what the captain was doing to solve the problem, and other things she’d clearly have known all about. I’m surprised the poor girl didn’t put down her drinks tray, whip a spare part out of her pocket, and just fix the engine there and then.

In the end, BA were great at solving the problems and getting us all going. Thanks BA.

Despite my trying to have a proper vacation, some news stories arose in the Deen that caught my imagination.  A word of caution: do not let your pets drink from the East Tullos Burn. It may look prettier now than it did – but the water doesn’t seem to have been cleaned at all.

SEPA have insisted in the past that it’s too hard for them to find out where the pollution is coming from. And still, its American counterpart the Environmental Protection Agency manages to find out who pollutes similar little streams – like the Mississippi for instance. If only SEPA were closer to where the problem was in East Tullos. But they’d have to leave their offices and walk for 10 minutes to get to the burn.

Here then are some definitions defining the week’s news.

Pest Control: (mod English compound noun) to manage, contain and destroy vermin.

Alas!  All is not well in the Cults/Bieldside/Miltimber area.  Pesky vermin are sticking their heads into private gardens, trampling things underfoot, stumbling cluelessly around, and ignorantly destroying anything in their path.  While I definitely feel for these poor, dumb creatures, it is clear that there are just too many of them in our area.

I had hoped that measures taken in May 2012 would have lessened this particular problem, but it seems to be creeping back. I am of course for a humane solution. But something must be done about Aberdeen’s Liberal Democrats.

You may not be able to believe it, but none other than Aileen ‘HoMalone’ wants to do something about deer population.

they trampled on their own pledge not to charge for university education

Expect HoMalone 2 in the Cults area soon. Based on the popularity, efficiency and economic success of her destruction of the Tullos Hill deer (to plant trees on a windswept rubbish heap with little soil), I’m sure the residents of her Bieldside/Miltimber ward will be overjoyed.

Well, apparently ‘several’ of them will. Here’s what HoMalone wrote recently:

“Several residents in the Cults area have contacted me about the presence of Roe Deer whose [sic*] numbers are growing across Scotland. Aberdeen is well ahead of most authorities in the careful, sensitive, management of the situation. A Council team is working on a plan for managing the growing deer population. Over-population is a problem for the deer since the natural environment can only feed a certain number of deer. In the meantime please be extra vigilant when driving at dusk in the Inchgarth area.”

In large numbers, the LibDems ate their way through the city council’s funds, forcing other species, such as people in need, with health problems and the elderly to suffer.  Then in a symbiotic relationship at the UK level, they trampled on their own pledge not to charge for university education. The 2012 ballot box cull saw only five of them going; the chief doe, known as ‘Kate’ was humanely put down.

A lone stag known as ‘Martin’ looks increasingly uncomfortable, and may be leaving the old deer (‘Aileen’) for a more successful herd soon.

Don’t let this menace grow back to its pre 2012 levels. If you are in Bieldside, Cults and Miltimber, you may want to think about feeding these pests by giving them pound notes, votes or attention, even if they seem relatively harmless and innocent to you. I can assure you, the LibDems are not.

*It’s interesting  HoMalone’s written ‘…the presence of Roe Deer whose numbers… ‘  perhaps she is more sensitive than we believe and thinks the animals are people?  If you are describing things, you use words such as ‘which’; if you describe people, you use words such as ‘whose’. Perhaps she secretly isn’t an animal destroying poison dwarf ready to have any life form she finds inconvenient snuffed out?

Or is it more likely she’s just a bit ignorant of some language fundamentals?

Propaganda: (Latin origin, noun) – to deliberately spread lies, exaggerations in order to sway opinion, or further a political cause.

Old Susannah is staying out of the referendum debate.  I’m not endorsing either side.  But a poster purporting to show Labour joining up with those nice BNP lads and others like those winsome UKIP chaps found its way into my news feed.

Poster from Alistair Davidson purporting Labour in bed with unsavoury orgs.Somehow, among the tiny trickle of honest, calm, factual referendum information out there, this therefore stuck out as being a little suspicious. It had attracted a few disgusted comments already; after all – if it’s in print or if it’s a picture, it has to be real, doesn’t it?

Some people are looking at it, assuming it is legitimate, and are therefore very angry indeed at Labour.

Alas! A swift email to a Labour politician confirmed that this poster is a complete fabrication.

Labour are not in any deal with the BNP. It is almost as if whoever created this wanted Labour to be discredited; I wondered if this had anything to do with Labour’s ‘no’ stance on independence.

I’ve asked the oldest source of the poster what they could tell me about it, and this is what they wrote:

“I don’t think the poster was used in any poster campaign. It was created as an illustrative means of showing people that all these parties are grouped by a common cause and that is to keep the union.“

Funny though – the person who put the poster on Facebook didn’t let viewers know that it was an ‘illustrative means of showing people that all these parties are grouped by a common cause…’. I wonder how they got permission to use so many logos in their little ‘illustration’ for that matter?

Coincidentally, the person who seems to have first posted the poster on Facebook (as far as I can find) has one or two friends who are SNP councillors. These  include Liz MacDonald, Ken Gowans, David Turner, Shab Jaffri , Peter Johnston, Peter Grant (no relation to legendary manager of Led Zeppelin I assume), Graham Ledbitter, and MSP David Torrance.  I’m sure these people have had nothing to do with a poster campaign which was just a tad dishonest.

I’m equally sure they will be quick to have it stopped and will come forward to denounce this kind of propaganda.

If only we could keep the healthy, honest, open, respectful level of referendum debate going on for another year, I’m sure we’d all be very well informed indeed.

Botch: (modern English slang; verb) – to make a bad job of something; to fumble a task or operation.

America has so little crime because it has capital punishment; ie. a jury of your peers (well you hope they will be your peers) can convict you on the evidence (which you hope won’t have been tainted or fabricated, like the poster described above), and after a fair trial (hopefully) you can find yourself hung, shot, gassed or given a lethal injection.

Seems fair. If you don’t get a fair trial (say you are of sub normal intelligence, get a bad or disinterested legal representative, get tried by a jury who are all of a different race from you, had the police mess up, lose or ignore evidence – accidentally of course), then you can always either hire an expensive lawyer for an appeal.

America will punish criminals by death, but killing them is not supposed to be ‘cruel or unusual’

If you don’t have lots of money or haven’t really understood what was happening, then then you can hope for a pardon from the state governor (but for those who really do have lots and  lots of money, you may never have to get to trial at all).

Of course when George W Bush was governor of Texas, he didn’t pardon a single one of the hundreds of people the state executed. In fact, he mocked one of them (a woman who had finally snapped at her chronically abusive spouse and killed him).

Still, if you were innocent but had no fair trial, no appeal, no governor to save you – you might always luck out and get a posthumous pardon. So that’s all right then.

Unfortunately, sometimes an execution is ‘botched’, as happened this week to one Clayton Lockett  in Oklahoma.

America will punish criminals by death, but killing them is not supposed to be ‘cruel or unusual’ – something Old Susannah hasn’t quite got her heard around in all these years. Anyway, you’re supposed to die a nice fast death – with a room full of spectators gawping at your last moments (nothing cruel or unusual there, then).  Unfortunately, this man died in agony over the course of several hours.

It became so distasteful to the audience that the curtains had to be drawn so they didn’t see an unpleasant state execution as compared to your socially-acceptable state execution.

Yes, this was a man convicted of a serious capital crime. I guess it was just divine intervention that tortured his last hours, and not the blatant incompetence of those who didn’t know how to find a vein or how to see the lethal cocktail of chemicals was going into his tissues and not into his blood stream. Could have happened to anyone. We all botch things up now and then.

Finally, for some reason European pharmaceutical companies that make the relevant drugs (why make them in the first place some might ask) are now reluctant to sell them to the States to kill people. I guess some companies just don’t want to make money.

Next week:  more definitions

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Well, it’s been a long, fun, eventful, educational and somewhat strange 3 years and 150 Old Susannah columns for me and I just want to say thanks for those of you who read it, thanks for those who have sent information (and the occasional kind email) over time, and for those who support Aberdeen Voice. The Voice runs on donations; any amount however small is welcome; here’s a link.

All the best,

Suzanne.

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Mar 142014
 

Can there be as few as three animals left on Tullos Hill, and if so, is that the end for these animals in our area?  Suzanne Kelly reports on recent developments.

roe-deerA herd of roe deer roamed for several decades in Aberdeen’s ‘Gramps’.

The herd, once estimated at over 70 animals (an estimate made by those who wanted the animals removed for a tree-planting scheme) was halved in a controversial covert cull.

Last month at least four deer were destroyed and their limbs found.

Police Scotland is investigating but the Scottish SPCA was not notified of these developments.

Local residents contacted Aberdeen Voice on two occasions concerning the welfare of the Aberdeen deer this year. In one instance, remains of four or five deer were found on Tullos Hill.

Walkers found police investigating the grisly find of deer limbs indicating someone or something had destroyed 4 animals. Meanwhile on Kincorth Hill, a walker reported finding a deer leg and mounds of a white powder to a city warden, who happened to be on the hill.

The warden related that skinned cat remains had been found. None of this information was relayed to the city or the police, despite the warden promising to do so. The warden apparently said he would inform the city; this appears not to have happened.

[Note – it was originally believed that the information was passed at the time to a ranger, but it was actually passed to a city warden.  Therefore the freedom of information request questions referred to a city ranger.  In any event, the warden should have shared the information with the city – SK]

Following Freedom of Information Requests to the City and Police Scotland, it emerged that the police chose not to pass this information on to the Scottish SPCA. No action appears to be being taken to ensure the welfare of any remaining wildlife, or to investigate the cat remains.

A Police Scotland spokesperson had the following response (questions/details posed by Aberdeen Voice are in bold):

1.  A severed deer’s leg was found on Monday 13 January 2014 by a dog walker on Kincorth Hill during the day. They managed to find a ranger, and reported the leg, and strange mounds of white powder they had also seen. The ranger told this person that a skinned cat was also found recently on the hill. There is a photo of a dog with the found leg.

2.  I have a second hand report that says on Monday 6th January 2014 (approximate date) police attended Tullos Hill where five deer had been killed. My source says that ‘deers’ legs were everywhere’. The police apparently told dog walkers that 5 deer had been killed.

Response:

a.    Are these reports accurate?

“No. 2 relates to an incident reported to Police regarding the remains of 4 deer in the Loirston Country Park. This is currently being investigated in order to establish if in fact a crime has occurred or not. This is the only Wildlife incident I am aware of in the area and no other incidents have been reported to Police Scotland.”

b.    How many animals and of what kind have been found dead recently on these hills?

“As far as Police Scotland is aware this is the only incident which has been reported to Police Scotland recently.”

c.    How, if known, were the animals killed?

“Only leg remains were found and so cause of death is unknown.” 

[Note:  If the legs were cleanly severed, then it was human involvement.  If it was torn, that is interesting, as the tree planting proponents insisted the deer had absolutely no ‘natural’ predators and therefore the city had to destroy them. Unless the police are alleging the animals died of illness or old age and the bodies mysteriously disappeared, it should be fairly possible to determine what took the legs off the animals.  SK]

d.    What is being done to ensure animal welfare in these areas? (at present I don’t believe there are any signs that prohibit poaching).

“At the moment I cannot confirm if any poaching has taken place (No.2). We have no other reference to animal welfare issues.”

e.    what agencies were made aware of this? Was the Scottish SPCA informed (it appears not – if not – why?)

“If poaching is reported, Police investigation will take place into the crime. Police Scotland would only contact SSPCA if an animal welfare issue was highlighted.”

[Note:  I would have thought that if someone or something is severing deer’s limbs, this might impact their welfare, and be worth at least a passing mention to the Scottish SPCA – SK]

Aberdeen City Council’s response is as follows (the same questions were asked):-

Concerning several reports received this week about animal remains on both Kincorth

Are these reports accurate?

“No. There has been no report to a Countryside Ranger that a severed deer leg had been found on Kincorth Hill on or around Monday 13 January. A City Warden did see a dog with what appeared to be a deer leg but this was not reported to the Police. 

“No Countryside Ranger was aware of any dead cat or piles of white powder being found. A member of the public did bring a cat pelt to the attention of a City Warden and this was reported to the Police by the City Warden. Any investigations into this are a Police matter. Regarding the 6 January incident on Tullos Hill, this is a Police matter as they attended the scene.”

How many animals and of what kind have been found dead recently on these hills?

“No other dead animals have been found recently on these hills or reported to Aberdeen City Council Countryside Ranger staff.”

How, if known, were the animals killed?

“Aberdeen City Council staff have not seen the reported remains in Question 1 so cannot comment on how they were killed. Information from the Police suggest that it would not be possible to tell how the deer were killed as only lower legs were found. Investigations into this are a Police matter.”

 What is being done to ensure animal welfare in these areas? (at present I don’t believe there are any signs that prohibit poaching).

“The deer population is being professionally managed to ensure that there are no animal welfare issues relating to the deer population. The sites are regularly patrolled by Aberdeen City Council staff. There is no requirement to display signs prohibiting poaching. Poaching is illegal on all land. As with most criminal activity, signs are not generally posted to inform visitors that these acts are prohibited.”

What agencies were made aware of this? Was the Scottish SPCA informed (it appears not – if not – why?)

“This would be a Police matter as the incident was reported to and dealt with by the Police.”

“ACC is unable to provide you with information on What agencies were made aware of this? Was the Scottish SPCA informed (it appears not – if not – why?) as it is not held by the Council. In order to comply with its obligations under the terms of Regulation 10(4)(a) – Information Not Held – of the EIRs, ACC hereby gives notice that this information is not held by it.

“ACC is required by Regulation 10(1)(b) of the EIRs to inform you as to why in all the circumstances of the case, the public interest in maintaining this exception outweighs the public interest in disclosing this information to you. ACC is satisfied that it does not hold this information and considers that in all circumstances, the public interest in making the information available is outweighed by the public interest in maintaining ‘Information Not Held’.”

[Note:  if anyone can explain to me what the city means when it says ‘making the information available is outweighed by the public interest in maintaining ‘Information Not Held’ – please get in touch, for this makes no sense to me, sorry to say.  SK]

How many animal remains were found on either hill in 2014 to date, in 2013 and 2012?

“One dead roe deer was found on Kincorth Hill in 2013.  Occasional dead birds, mice and voles are seen each year due to natural causes or predation, no records kept of these.”

What is the estimated deer herd size now?

“Tullos Hill has recently been re-surveyed and there were three roe deer located on or adjacent to Tullos Hill on the day of the survey.”

Aberdeen Voice will be reporting further on Tullos Hill’s condition and related animal issues in the near future.

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Dec 242013
 

ChristmasTwas the night before Christmas and all through the Deen
Nae een were stirrin, ye ken fit Ah mean?

ACSEF members were nestled all smug in their beds
Visions of brown envelopes danced in their heids
Lady Helen in her kerchief, and Sir Ian in his cap
Had just settled their brains for a long winter’s nap

When out on their lawn there arose such a clatter
Ian sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.
Away to his window, he flew like a flash
Hoping no one would try robbing his cash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of granite to objects below
When what to Sir Ian’s beady eyes should appear
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer:

“There’s no right of access to land near my home
“I’ve got lots of money so you’ve no right to roam!”

Twas a little old man with a red suit and beard
“Could this be a communist?” Ian Wood feared.
Santa approached, getting out of his sled
Turning to Ian, this is what he said:-
Christmas

“Perhaps greed and age have made you grow thick
“For as any fool knows I am St Nick.
“I’ve come to the Deen to reward the good
“On second thoughts I could skip you, Ian Wood.”

“The thing is, with the greedy things that you do
“I just don’t think that I can believe in you.”

At this Ian faltered – he so wanted presents:
“Hold on now Santa, I’m not one of the peasants.
“Let’s talk for a moment so I can explain
“How you can maximise your capital gain.”

“Pay your elves’ wages from an offshore tax haven
“Hoots Santa – think of the dosh you’d be savin’.
“Perhaps you should start a ‘Claus Family Trust,
“And there’s ‘Venture Philanthropy’ – yes, that’s a must.”

“No taxes to pay and you’ll save lots of money
“Stop giving away gifts for free – it’s not funny,”
“Just because poor people put up a tree
“Doesn’t mean you should give gifties for free.”

Santa sighed, saying “Thank you indeed Ian Wood
Christmas“I think though that you just might be up to no good.
“If you paid your taxes, if you weren’t so greedy
“I dare say that others might not be so needy.”

“I’ll bid you good night; I’ll say no more.”
“But do say hello to your close friend, Mrs Craw.”

Donner, the lead deer, was slightly perplexed
“Well Santa, which house will we fly to next?”
“Let’s go to the Milne house since we are quite near.”
And off flew St Nick, the elves and the deer.

“Santa, this heated driveway is quite nice,
“It’s totally clear of all snow and all ice.”
Stewart Milne’s ‘eco’ house had some curious features
This driveway was welcome to Santa’s cold creatures.

“Just one gift for Stew, here, do have a wee look”
St Nick was clutching a nice brand new book
“What is it called?” asked a curious elf
“Football for beginners” – Santa laughed to himself.

“I don’t know that Stewart kens much o the game
“He cares more for money, still all the same
“In the spirit of Christmas and the spirit of Yule
Christmas“This book may help him ken the offside rule.”

Away the deer flew with the sled full of gifts
“Hey,” Comet said, “D’ye ken Milne wears lifts?”
All the deer laughed until it was clear
That towards Aileen Malone’s house they were drawing near.

“Don’t be afraid of that witch” Santa said
“Who as we know had your comrades shot dead
“Deer, if anyone needed the loo,
“We’re over Malone’s house. Yes I think this will do.”

Over Malone’s roof they arrived in a twinkling,
And soon every reindeer and elf started tinkling.
“There are those politicians who will tell you, by heck
“that really it’s raining as they pee down your neck.”

“So do your business – relieve yourselves here.
“In memory of 36 Tullos Hill deer.”

The deer did their business and some of them tittered
“With only 5 LibDems she must be embittered.
“At the election her side got quite trounced.
“Change course for the Bates’!” St Nick announced.”

ChristmasAnd soon Santa stood on the Malone-Bates roof
“No wonder that these newlyweds were so aloof
“No news in the press of their marriage was blurted
“To ensure their financial interests weren’t hurted.”

Perfect gifts for these lovebirds Santa had found;
Down their chimney Santa jumped with a bound.

But just as our Santa started to speak
He was scared by a monster which started to shriek.

Santa stared at the thing which wore a night gown
Could this be some kind of a beast or a clown?
Its hair was in rollers, its eyes were cucumbers
Its face was green mud: “You interrupted my slumbers!”

“You’ve got ash on my carpet! Turn around and get out!”
The hideous thing did shriek and did shout.
Santa twigged who it was, she normally looked fairer
It was ‘The Face of the Deen’, the lovely bride Sarah:

“In order for my great beauty to keep
“I need many hours of deep beauty sleep.”
“Oh Sorry,” said Santa, “my fair beauty queen
“I ken now why you are the Face of the Deen.”
Christmas

“From me you will not hear any further peep
“Clearly you’re behind on your beauty sleep
“I’ve just some small gifts for you two then I’ll go
“Back to my sleigh outside in the snow.”

“I’m amazed at the way you two work close together
“Let’s hope that there won’t be any stormy weather
“Like when the course fell into the North Sea last year
“And the cold’s perhaps wrinkled your sweet face my dear.”

Sarah said, “I’ve got an old man and he gives me  presents,
“My beautiful face put me above other peasants
“He pays me to run the world’s greatest course”
(Mrs Bates showed  not even a sign of remorse).

“Well then Sarah, I’ve two little gifties for you
“A gallon of wrinkle cream, och aye the noo,
“And a book you should read , it’s called ‘Golf can be fun”
(For she hadn’t a clue when all said and done).

“No need to thank me, I’m just here to serve
“And I do think you have got the gifts you deserve.”
As the sleigh left, its bells made a sweet tinkle
Sarah ran to the mirror to check on her wrinkle.
Christmas

“All these liars and cheats, they do make me cross
“But let’s pay a visit to Sarah  Bates’ boss”
The elves were astounded- “Santa don’t be a chump”
Santa answered “I do have one giftie for Trump.”

Donald was home, counting his money
And planning a trip to somewhere quite sunny:
“Where can I go next to get a good thrill
“With lions and tigers and bears I can kill?”

The Donald thought people loved him – the great hunter
But everyone thought: ‘what a horrible c*nt’ – (Er,
sorry ‘bout the language but thinking of him
Makes my blood pressure rise and me head start to spin).

The Don said “I built this course for my auld Scottish Nanny”
St Nick replied “Now just you listen here, mannie
“I’ve got a list of who’s nice and who’s naughty
“Or arrogant, scheming deceptive and haughty.
“No gift for you – no ifs, ands or buts
“But please take a voucher –it’s for ‘Supercuts’.”

Izon Security arrived on the spot
They’d been spying on locals – they do that a lot:
Christmas“Get out of that sleigh and let’s see your ID!”
Santa replied: “Are you talking to me?”

“Get stuffed you great b*stards” Santa said with a hiss
“Has the right to roam been reduced to this?
“You’ve no right to spy or to hassle good folk
“And this golf course is really one heck of a joke.”

With a jingle of bells St Nick and his team
Flew over the Great Dunes of North Aberdeen
“Come on deer and elves, there are good folk in need
“The ones who are victims of all this crass greed.

“The ones who are teachers and nurses and such
“They get paid very little yet do very much
“The children who don’t have enough food to eat
“Aberdeen may be rich, but some live on the street.”

“There are people who help the sick and the poor
“Some help animals too, and of this I am sure
“Those who help others with no thought of themselves
“They are the real saints, the real Santas and elves.”

Santa and his team spent the rest of their night
Giving out presents to good folks’ delight.
ChristmasAsk yourselves this “Am I naughty or nice?”
If you’re a bad one, take some advice.

Flaunting your wealth, and harming others
Ruins the chance that we have to be brothers
If you can help, then you should get stuck in
Greed, don’t you know is a terrible sin.

It’s never too late to fight the good fight
Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!

– Suzanne Kelly

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Picture – Christmas Tree Baubles

Credit: Ian Britton. Freefoto.com
http://www.freefoto.com/download/90-04-66/Christmas-Tree-Baubles

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Aug 012013
 

On Sunday the 21st of July a small group of people, previously brought together by their concerns regarding the culling of roe deer as part of the controversial ‘Tree for Every Citizen’ project, visited Tullos Hill. Fred Wilkinson reports.

The group wanted to take a look at what had changed since the culling of the deer and the planting of the trees. There was considerable upheaval associated with these, as well as the removal of vegetation and the erection of fences.
Armed with half a dozen cameras, from mobile phone additions to expensive professional devices, the group also wished to create a visual record of the beauty of the area and the wildlife in evidence.

As we walked along the top of the hill from the Altens Farm Road entrance, one of the first things we observed was that a vast area which months before had been quite brutally cleared of gorse, and all other vegetation for that matter, was now covered by new growth and crowned by an impressive display of foxgloves.

Various grasses and other common wild native plants contribute to the cover, making the area immeasurably more pleasant than it was the last time we had stood there.

The area in question has not been planted with trees, and therefore the reason for clearing it would seem to have been in order to expose deer to the marksman charged with culling 46 deer, of a population officially reported to have been around 30.

A less pleasing consequence of the clearing of gorse however is the spectacular spread of bracken, crowding out almost any other species of plant over a huge area where once was a much more varied range of wildlife alongside the gorse. This is quite an own goal, and would have been more so if further deer culls were planned. This is because bracken is significantly more efficient than gorse when it comes to hiding deer.

Additionally bracken is recognised as a potential fire hazard, and a plant which is poisonous to mammals, including humans. One wonders why it has been allowed to grow over such a huge area, obscuring previously visible minor footpaths, as well as views across the hill – now visible only to those individuals exceeding or approaching six feet in height.

Julie Thompson took advantage of the cairn to gain height and to take some pictures not only of the spread of the bracken, but also of the superb view over Tullos, Torry and the rest of the city.

We then made our way down the hill to the picnic area, having gathered shots of the many wildflowers including wild pansy, ragwort, tufted vetch, coltsfoot, dame’s violet, at least two varieties of buttercup, bird’s foot trefoil, kidney vetch, white clover, spear thistle, various white umbellifers including cow parsley and hogweed, ox eye daisy, rosebay willowherb, broad leaved willowherb, stinging nettle and groundsel.

We were already appreciating the variety of plant life in what is a mixed habitat. For all the gorse, broom and that invasion of bracken, there is room on the hill for all. Except deer it would seem.

Julie Thompson commented:

Having previously visited shortly after the deer had been slaughtered, it was nice to see that the hill had recovered somewhat from what had appeared to be a scorched earth program. It’s such a shame that so much of the gorse – a fantastic habitat for birds & small mammals – has been superseded by bracken.”

At this point, we discussed the apparent lack of animal life. There is no evidence of deer, but rabbit droppings can be seen occasionally.

There is no shortage of insects and spiders, and it is heartening to see so many bees of at least 4 different varieties.

There is also evidence of snails, ants, grasshoppers, froghoppers, ladybirds, aphids, various flies and wasps including the rather creepy ichneumon wasp, which along with the sightings of moths and butterflies, including ringlets, small tortoiseshells, and small whites, suggested that there were caterpillars and other larvae to prey on.

However, compared to what we had witnessed on previous visits, birds seem scarce.

Julie Thomson observed:

“During the couple of hours that we were there, I only saw three or four small birds (gulls are everywhere, I don’t count them). For an area such as this, that is pretty shocking and just goes to show what damage has been done by removing so much of the gorse.”

On our first picnic two years ago, as well as the noticeable presence of small birds, a kestrel could be seen patrolling the north side of the hill. This predator was a good sign in that it was being sustained by a healthy number of smaller animals.

Lower down the hill, we encountered some different plants. We found poppies, smooth sow thistle, pineappleweed, scentless mayweed, knapweed, sedges, cleavers, dandelion, tormentil, shepherds purse, hawkweed, mouse-ear chickweed, dock, rats tail plantain, ribwort plantain, and red clover.

I was particularly excited to find a double buttercup.

I have no idea how frequently this occurs outwith an environment concerned with the cultivation and the specific aim of producing double-flowered varieties of plant, but this was certainly the first I had ever witnessed in a natural environment, albeit a reclaimed landfill site.

I spot droppings which suggested evidence of a fox, but knowing that the hill is popular with dog walkers, and lacking spectacles stronger than I need for anything other than reading, and also lacking the expertise to determine for certain the origin of said poo, I decided against pulling it apart.

However I am happy to entertain the possibility that there are foxes there, and the abundance of another sort of poo suggests that there is a population of rabbits sufficient to sustain a small number.

By now we can see the recently planted trees, or at least, we see an abundance of upright green cylinders. Each has its own story which contributes to the bigger picture.

The good news is that most of the trees that we saw were alive, although few appeared to be thriving.

Ironically, the area where last year’s mock funeral for the deer took place appeared to have the largest proportion of dead trees.
http://www.accessmylibrary.com/article-1G1-288243902/mock-funeral-staged-protest.html

Then there are the trees we didn’t see, or rather couldn’t see, as they were obscured by weeds inside their tubes.

Whether those trees are alive or dead is anyone’s guess, but what is clear is that their chances of survival are compromised at the very least.

We had agreed that we were there to observe, discuss and record, and not to disturb or interfere with anything.

We therefore refrained from removing weeds to look for the trees, ensuring zero possibility of any action on our part causing damage to trees or their protective tubes.

We examined an area which remained stripped of vegetation other than weed filled tubes and dead trees, the soil exposed to reveal an array of household and industrial waste.

On seeing the half-buried plastic bags and containers, various scraps of metal including what appeared to be an industrial steel cable and a rusted steel rod which would have been used once to reinforce concrete, Torry resident Sheila Anderson commented:

“I am glad I never saw what the hill was like before the planting, I would have been so upset right now”

Unfortunately, unable to evaluate those weed-hidden saplings, which make up a sizeable proportion of the plantation, it is impossible to put an accurate figure on the percentage of trees which have survived so far. However the scale of neglect is abundantly clear.

Alex Mitchell commented:

“It looks like the deer were doing us a favour controlling the weeds.”

We saw many tubes with plumes of weed growth sprouting from them. Often it was as if we were looking at small sturdy trees with green plastic trunks and a lavish crown of weed growth.

I had barely started writing this report when I learned that Councillor Jean Morrison, on behalf of Aberdeen City Council, has collected a commendation in the New Native Woods Awards relating to the tree planting on Tullos Hill.

Difficult as it is to evaluate the general health of the newly planted trees, no-one in our party regarded what we saw as worthy of winning an award, leaving us wondering what criteria were applied, and what observations were carried out and
when.

I have since emailed Councillor Morrison and await answers to a series of questions of questions relating to the above. Some 10 days on, I still await answers.

We were promised a tree for every citizen.

46 deer were killed to facilitate this pledge. Large areas of vegetation, which constituted a habitat for a great many birds, mammals, insects and other animals were removed.

However we evaluate this it is certain that the number of trees which have survived falls embarrassingly short of the number of citizens. It is also certain that deer have played no part in the failure of trees to survive.

Having a fairly good knowledge of native wild plants, it was apparent to me that some of the weeds we saw growing up inside the tubes had reached heights that they would not have achieved naturally. Without the support of the tubes, the effect of wind, and their own weight would have limited their height, making them more likely to offer the neighbouring trees the required space and light to sustain them.

It appears that no management whatsoever of the plantation has been carried out since the trees were put into the ground.

I must make it clear that although I and a great many others were opposed to the Tullos Hill deer cull, no-one has expressed to me any wish for the trees to fail.

That would not bring back the deer, and would result only in taxpayers’ money being used to pay back the grant on account of failed planting, as has happened previously.

Rather, we believe that as the trees have been planted, already at great cost both in terms of finance, damage, and a number of animals which were once considered of sufficient value to grace the pages of council-produced tourist information brochures, that the council has a duty to each citizen for whom they planted a tree, to manage the plantation and ensure the survival of as many trees as possible, and to replace every single casualty.

Suzanne Kelly reacted:

“We paid the consultant some £70K for this; we also had to repay £43,800 for the first tree planting which failed.  The causes of failure were listed as deer, wrong size of tree guards, and importantly failure to keep weeds in check. 

 “The deer were destroyed for this scheme, and it is very disturbing that no one is looking after the trees.   We all saw the condition of the soil on Sunday – it is filled with large stones and industrial and household waste. 

 The soil matrix was of concern to the Forestry Commission, too.  If the trees don’t take in the end, and I don’t believe they will, I want those responsible for forcing this scheme on us to be held accountable.”

Having examined hundreds of trees and weed filled tubes over a wide area, we made our way back along the north part of the hill, finding more plant species to add to our list. Self heal, creeping thistle, sorrel and yellow rattle were visible in the grassy meadow areas, and as we approached the wooded part to the west, we encountered areas of boggy moorland with mosses, browned from the recent dry conditions, and heathers.

Having gathered hundreds of photographs and seen first hand the ‘lie of the land’, we discussed our mixed feelings about our findings.

On the bright side, despite the poor soil which covers much of the hill, particularly that part which was formerly landfill, there is an impressive variety of plant life providing stunning displays of colour and interesting fragrances. Added to that spectacle there is also the impressive view over the city which few locations can equal.

It stands to reason that if the wild areas are left to develop naturally, more species of plants and animals will find a niche in such a diverse habitat.

There is also evidence that the trees, if managed properly, can survive, at least in some areas. Their growth is likely to be slow, and they will not achieve their natural height.

The bracken is of concern. Bracken certainly has its place, but unchecked, it dominates, squeezing out other plants, and also any animal species associated with those displaced plants. If there is any regime of management of the Tullos Hill environment, this needs to be examined and acted on.

With the fine weather we have enjoyed over the past fortnight looking likely to continue, at least intermittently, I recommend to anyone who has not set foot on Tullos Hill to do so and see for themselves that in spite of the less pleasing aspects I have mentioned, this is indeed a beautiful and unique part of our city well worth speaking up for in order to preserve its uniqueness for future generations – for plant and animal as well as human to enjoy.

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Jun 142013
 

By Keith Marley.

It’s that time of year again. People are out in their gardens and enjoying the countryside.

As a result the phones are busy here at The New Arc, mainly offering advice for people on what to do and not to do when contact is made with young animals or animals which turn up in unexpected places.

So we thought it might be useful to offer a few tips.

1) Baby deer, hares and owls are often found while out walking. Please do NOT pick them up. It often appears that they are ‘abandoned’ because they make no attempt to run or fly away and because there is no sign of mum in the immediate area, but we can assure you that the mums of fawns, leverets and owlets do not stay in constant touch with their youngsters, returning maybe only every few hours or at night time to feed and care for them.

Mum will know exactly where they are and even if they stray a little while she was away will easily be found with a quick call to them.

2) Young deer, badgers and foxes can often turn up in unexpected places such as stables, yards, outbuildings and gardens even in the busiest of places. These are usually last year’s youngsters who are now searching out new territories because of mums new arrivals.

As a result they travel around late at night/early morning and settle down in what appears to be a secluded spot only to find that there is an explosion of activity from 7.30 onwards as we all prepare to go to work, school etc. This usually results in them rushing about in a panic until the activity dies down.

The usual scenario is that they will find a quiet spot and hunker down for the rest of the day and move on again when nightfall occurs. Of course accidents can happen… garden netting, busy roads, dogs etc. In which case we are more than happy to assist, but the usual rule is back away, give them some space and let them sort it out themselves.

3) As we said, accidents do happen especially on country roads or ‘out of the way’ places. If you do happen to come across a situation where you are concerned or there is an obvious injury then we advise that you make some attempt to mark the spot with some visible means.

For instance, if you come across a RTA (road traffic accident) then perhaps tie an old carrier bag or something obvious to a fence or tree perhaps 20 or 30 feet from the victim and call us giving as much detail as possible (Trust me we spend a lot of time scouring roadsides on some remote 3 mile stretch of back road).

The same advice can apply if you come across an ‘orphaned’ deer etc.

Leave an obvious visual sign some 20/30 feet away and return a few hours later to check.

4) Fledgling birds will often turn up in gardens and back yards seemingly alone and abandoned. Often the birds can flutter around but are unable to fly. If the bird is feathered and approximately the size of the adult bird then it is best to back off and leave them to it unless they are under direct threat from a predator or in a dangerous location.

If you have ever seen a blackbirds nest, the reason for this is quite obvious… it simply isn’t big enough to hold 5 or 6 nearly adult sized birds and because they are almost fully feathered they do not need an adult bird sitting on them to keep them warm, so they leave the nest and distribute themselves around the local area usually in nearby shrubbery.

This gives the advantage that should a predator find one of them, it is only one instead of that whole year’s brood.

It also gives the youngsters the chance to learn the skills required to find their own food while waiting for their parents to return with the next meal. If the bird is in the open then ‘mum’ will usually return to the location and call the youngster from nearby cover, encouraging it to come get a meal and also to return it to a safe hiding place.

It’s easy to think that if you back off and watch from a window or doorway that you will see if an adult bird comes to feed it, but we can assure you that there is a far better chance that they will see you before you see them and will not approach the youngster for fear of bringing attention to it.

You may even leave the area to return and check it an hour later, but the chances are the youngster will still be there because it has had no particular reason to move on.

Every year The New Arc has animals and birds handed in to the centre which should have been left exactly where they were. However we may appreciate that sometimes people have to make a ‘judgment call’, we would rather they erred on the side of caution than didn’t bother at all. The best advice we can give is ‘if in doubt, leave it be and check it out’.

We are more than happy to give advice or even visit a location to assess the situation ourselves. If necessary we can advise you of other individuals or organisations who may be better placed to
help.

The New Arc does not refuse any form of wildlife, but we have to admit that we cannot be in several places at the same time, so we do ask the public to assist us as much as possible by taking animals to the centre if possible, however, we do insist that the public do not endanger themselves (or the animals concerned) in doing so.

We have a network of individuals who assist us in picking up and transporting animals to us. The phones are manned 24 hours a day and if there is no immediate answer leave a message as we are probably only busy on another call.

Telephone 0796 2253867 – stick it in your mobile phone… just in case. But please do not e-mail us about injured birds or animals. We do not sit in front of our computers all day and only check our mail when we have a chance.

Apr 122013
 

A frequent visitor to Tullos Hill advised Aberdeen Voice that things had got even worse. Suzanne Kelly paid a visit to investigate, and returns with photos – and evidence pointing to littering by… the tree planters.

If you were one of the minority who were determined to wipe out the meadow and gorse habitat of Tullos Hill, ruining its insect, bee, butterfly and mammal populations in the process, no doubt you will be pleased at its condition.

It is almost completely denuded of plant and animal life, save for the protruding tree guards and tens of thousands of sapling trees.

On the other hand, if you loved the hill as it was, and expected to soon be in a vast field of dame’s violets and other wild flowers, and enjoy the older, established trees and wildlife, then this is a very black day.

The photos tell the story. 

Existing trees, haphazardly knocked over or crudely, fatally damaged.

Gorse was eradicated  from all but a few spots.

Hardly any wildflowers or green plant life is left  in evidence.

Dead plant matter everywhere, and of course the thin layer of topsoil reveals, almost everywhere you look, industrial and/or household rubbish going back decades.

The final contempt shown for the existing wildlife comes in the form of litter.  I discovered what were clearly boxes used to hold tree saplings scattered about a few locations.

A tree sapling which had been left in one of the boxes was bound at the root inside of a square of black plastic. Loose squares of plastic were under, inside, and scattered near the boxes.

It would have been considerate of whoever would have been the owner of this tree-planting litter to at the least take away their rubbish.

Plastic rubbish of this kind (as anyone with the slightest interest in the environment can tell you) poses a major hazard to wildlife on land and in the sea.

It seems the many awareness campaigns demonstrating how animals/fish/birds eat plastic and end up dying as a result were not part of the curriculum for our tree planters.

The crude chicken wire enclosure structure still – pretty much illegally – blocks visitors from a huge central swathe of the denuded hill.

Inside, more existing trees are now dead and dying, damaged by those in charge.

This enclosure should of course come down, as it is denying access on public land previously enjoyed historically by visitors, and under the Outdoor Access Code, there is no right for the Council to have closed this off in the first place.

Nearby at St Fitticks, the tree guards which have stood for years continue to stand, throwing doubts on the scapegoating of deer for their failure to grow.

Despite these guards being choked by weeds with no sign of progress over the years, Aberdeen City Council’s Freedom of Information office insists these trees are growing – just slowly.

Who precisely says they are growing should come forward.

My photographic evidence is now several years old, and shows veritably no growth at all for the vast majority of the St Fittick’s plantation,

The shocking ruts in the landscape caused by earthmoving equipment and vehicles, the weeds growing around tree guards, the apparent lack of concern for any of the wildflowers or life that depended on the plants and gorse has – won an award for this scheme.

Ian Tallboys, ranger and proponent of what was largely Aileen Malone’s scheme, implemented by £70,000+ consultant Chris Piper, was proud to accept the award. 

If anyone can claim to be proud of this scheme, there is something wrong with their environmental priorities.

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Feb 082013
 

Lynn Anderson was moved by the City Council’s action against Tullos Hill’s environment and animals, and by the City Council’s inaction when it came to providing sensible answers to her questions.

She has created a petition to demonstrate that the concern for Aberdeen’s environment and its wildlife has not gone away.

Lynn explains to Aberdeen Voice.

“After sending numerous letters and emails to Aberdeen City Council and being fobbed off with excuses, I decided to start a petition against the culling of deer on Tullos Hill. Like everyone else who has campaigned against this, I am appalled at the way in which ACC has gone about the Tree for Every Citizen Scheme.”

“They refuse to listen to our opinions and seem to think it is a small minority of people who are against the scheme and the deer cull. I hope to collect thousands of signatures worldwide with this petition in the hope that they might sit up and listen.”

The petition can be found here: https://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/aberdeen-city-council-stop-culling-deer-2

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Nov 232012
 

Originally sent to cover Aberdeen’s Tree for Every Citizen initiative, Aberdeen Voice’s Suzanne Kelly turned campaigner against the scheme, protesting alongside animal charities, community councils and thousands of local residents.

Despite the many firm arguments against the plan – a plan which included culling the deer which had wandered the Gramps for generations – a gung-ho Aberdeen City Council (ACC) went ahead. With Tullos Hill set to be planted with 89,000 trees in the scheme’s second phase, gorse and other indigent plants were ripped out, a process that left many birds and small animals homeless.

As one of the scheme’s mooted outcomes was to create a haven for wildlife, the illogicality was not lost on campaigners. Nor was the cost, which ran into thousands of pounds despite a council pledge the operation would be cost neutral.

The plan, to destroy existing meadowland and slaughter its native deer to create a woodland habitat in which, conversely, deer and squirrels could live, according to its supporters, was described by the Scottish SPCA as ‘abhorrent and absurd’.

Yet the council claims the project as a great success story.

So, what is the reality on the hill today?

In October 2012, Princess Anne presented the city with a certificate to mark its effort to create a Diamond Jubilee Wood on Tullos Hill. Patron of the Woodland Trust’s Jubilee Woods project, the princess presented the award to ACC Countryside Officer Ian Tallboys. According to the city’s publicity arm, Tallboys said:

“Tullos Hill is one of Aberdeen’s most popular beauty spots, so it is vital that we preserve and enhance this area for future generations.

“This ambitious project – part of the council’s award-winning Tree for Every Citizen scheme – has gone a long way to achieving that and it is great news that the hard work of everyone involved is now being recognised on the national stage.”

It all sounds very impressive, but let’s examine some of Tallboys’ claims about the scheme:

Ambitious? Well, no one could disagree with that. The scheme, largely cooked up as a LibDem election pledge, was so ambitious that not only the wishes of local people but the concerns of animal charities such as the Animal Concern Advice Line and Scottish SPCA were ignored

Preserved? The hill has been torn up, fenced off, its wildlife scared away or shot.

Enhanced? The hill is scarred and badly damaged, an area that was a noted beauty spot and in places, still is. The deer, scapegoats for the failure of Phase One of the scheme, have been shot.

Whether or not more deer move into the area (as most wildlife experts without a vested interest in the tree scheme advise), the scheme is as likely to fail in the second phase as it did in the first. For a start, the soil is almost non-existent (as a government soil report advised campaigners years ago), and what is there is filled with rock, stone and decades of debris from the hill’s long-standing use as a de-facto rubbish tip.

The soil report also cites weeds as a prime factor in the failure of trees to thrive, though being planted on a windswept hill adjacent to the North Sea would hardly promote healthy growth. The hill’s weeds are already doing their work, the trees so fought for by those who stood to gain from the scheme already being left to compete with weeds for nutrients in the soil.

Nothing like 89,000 trees were planted. Little or no planting has taken place where gorse has actually been removed from the site. Nothing has been done to make good the scarred areas of the hill and, despite claims to the contrary, the land seems simply too rocky and too filled with garbage to support healthy trees.

There is little evidence to support Tallboys’ declarations of achieving anything positive whatsoever.

This entire project has been and remains a sorry excuse for environmental enhancement. It could be the only enhancement from the project has been to the pockets of those contracted (and paid by the taxpayer) to exterminate the deer and remove natural habitat.

It is worth noting seabird populations in the area are down more than 50% since the 1970s; the loss of even more gorse habitat cannot help. Any similar exercise so lacking in public support and with such disastrous outcomes must not be allowed again.

Our intrepid reporter Suzanne Kelly will be writing to the Diamond Jubilee Woodlands Trust and Princess Anne’s secretary, including ‘before’ and ‘after’ photos of the devastation, details of the finances involved and proof of the lack of public support. She invites other interested parties to join her.

She says:

“I have absolutely nothing against trees or any well thought out environmental improvement scheme. But the Tree for Every Citizen project was carried out not only at all costs but against residents’ wishes, against the advice of experts and against the existing ecosystem that was in place.

“We now have a badly damaged meadowland, and meadowland is the fastest-disappearing type of ecosystem in the UK. In Aberdeen. I’ve seen meadows given up for development at an alarming pace while empty brownfield sites lie undeveloped.

“This situation needs to be addressed and in future the needs of all stakeholders taken into account. There must never be another ill-conceived, ego-driven, sorry excuse for environmental improvement like this again.”

P.S. CJ Piper, a company paid over £40,000 for its part in this scheme, helped prepare a report to the Forestry Commission which claimed only a ‘vociferous minority’ opposed the scheme; in it, proprietor Mr Piper suggested this ‘minority’ would quieten down after the deer were shot.

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Nov 162012
 

Voice’s Old Susannah surveys the past week’s events in the ‘Deen and beyond, and smells something fishy while she’s at it. By Suzanne Kelly

Tally Ho! The masked ball was a huge success socially and financially; its use of Union Terrace Gardens was inspired. This great common good asset made money both for the city (I assume a fee was charged for using UTG – it normally is) and for the charity – and all during hours the park would normally have been closed.

Organisers Balmoral Group announced they hit their £50,000 target with a thousand or so to spare, all for the benefit of the Friends of Anchor charity. What’s not to like? (Someone was there in a gold deer head mask: I wonder who that was?)

I have good news for all fans of great literature – news that can only add a touch of class to our City of Culture bid. It was reported at the weekend Aberdeen Journals Ltd is to branch out into fiction – and not just their usual P&J and EE kind of fiction, either.

Someone on the board must have read 50 Shades Of Grey and decided this was the way forward in the 21st century – yes, the Journals is to start its own erotic literature publishing company! Will this feature people sending in readers’ wives photos just like the EE does? We shall see.

No doubt this is a move calculated to stimulate young minds, and absolutely nothing to do with cashing in on the latest, no doubt flash-in-the-pan trend for cheap mummy porn. One wonders how one of their books might open? Hmmm…

“It was at an ACSEF meeting he first caught her eye, or rather her eyes lingering on his bulging portfolio just a tad longer than might be considered decent in polite company. His interest well and truly aroused, he quietly checked out her assets from beneath hooded lids while scanning her CV, impressed by its list of the quangos she had dominated while the taxpayer paid through the nose.

“But could she handle his inducement? Would she help with his erection if he gave her 50 million big ones? Could they spin a beautiful web together? Questions, questions, and as he chewed them over, she glanced in his direction, wondering how he would feel if she started talking TIF. She didn’t want to go too far, too fast, too soon. But she needn’t have worried. They were made for each other.”

With all the comings and goings of these past few weeks, I can’t help but feel something fishy is going on. The Scottish Government’s (legal? really?) insistence that UTG must be developed is giving everyone who cares about the park a haddock. At this stage, with the city divided, it is very shellfish indeed of Wood to continue carping on. Central government won’t clam up either: we either build over our park or it’s no TIF for us.

Pretty soon, the SNP/Scottish Government is going to have to tell us exactly what piece of legislation it is that enables them to insist we develop UTG if we want TIF funding for other projects. Several Freedom of Information requests await reply, very simple requests asking exactly what communications have passed between Holyrood, Sir Ian, ACSEF and the rest of the usual suspects regarding the future of UTG.

You might recall TIF in Scotland was rolled out as a pilot scheme, with no real rules about what land must or must not be developed. On the other hand, the TIF model as practiced in its US birthplace is already creaking, and creaking badly. Designed to be used only for the regeneration of disused brownfield sites in deprived areas, unforeseen difficulties with the TIF funding model in the States are in most cases causing havoc.

Here, we could be forgiven for thinking central government has something against the greenbelt and SSIs of Aberdeen City and Shire, or even that they have a secret agenda of sucking up to the rich at every opportunity. I wonder what discussions have taken plaice?

Our previous collection of councillors included an old trout or two, not to mention Councillor Coral. They were old school and fell for the Granite Web hook, line and sinker. Not since the days of the Krays has anyone had so much pressure piled on as our new councillors – but at least they aren’t out of their depth like the old lot.

BTW I didn’t set out on porpoise to do any bad puns, but I was having such a whale of a time at BrewDog the other night (where coincidentally people named Fisher and Squiddy work), that by some fluke fishy jokes just came to the surface!

Now it’s time to look back at last week and mullet over. Without further delay, I offer you a chance to trawl through my small school of definitions that I hope will be good for the sole.

Sturgeon: (proper noun) a particularly primitive type of large fish, has not evolved much in 100 million years

This particular bottom feeder lacks any real teeth, although its posturing makes it look most fearsome. It survives in its murky habitat (Holyrood) largely by using its large nose and sense of smell to navigate.

Though it tries to push smaller fish out of its way, the Sturgeon tends to be outwitted by smaller, quicker species. Mostly known in North America, the pallid Sturgeon has been seen in Scotland of late (Edinburgh specifically), where it reputedly swims with sharks. The Sturgeon in question is looking more pallid by the week.

Somewhat ironically, the future of this fish is in jeopardy – its natural environment has been negatively impacted by mankind, whether through overfishing – or excessive building. Our local politicians might well learn a thing or two from the Sturgeon’s decline.

Puffer Fish: (proper noun) genus of fish known for slow speed and deadly poison

The Puffer Fish writes PR prose, known as ‘puff pieces’. They may, for example, tell you to enhance your land by building glorified walkways and redundant theatres. Puffers might look a bit dumpy in stature but they are often garishly coloured (or have lots of expensive fashion accessories).

Their comic appearance should not deceive anyone; they are filled with some of the most deadly venom on the planet. They are highly sought after but can still poison clients who sample their wares e.g. the delicacy fugu is poisonous if incorrectly prepared. Still, people are willing to shell out plenty for puffer fish. though  it should be noted they are not that quick to react to stimulation, and find moving quickly or gracefully rather difficult.

Salmond: (proper name) A rather common sort of a fish; goes with anything

The Salmond is identified with Scotland – an independent Scotland. Sought after and easily angled by rich businessmen who visit the Northeast in search of real estate deals, land and money.

The Salmond is one species which seems not to mind wind farms. Red Herrings are often found when the Salmond is in the area. This fiercely independent fish is often found swimming against the tide.

Craw Fish: (noun) a crustacean with large grasping claws; an omnivore, devouring plants and fish whether they are living or dead

Stitched Up Like A Kipper: (Eng. phrase; exact origin unknown) to be tricked, entrapped, cheated etc.

I can’t think why this phrase having to do with being badly used, manipulated and conned should have sprung to mind. If I can find any examples, I’ll let you know.

Well, I’d better get my skates on – sea you next week!

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Nov 092012
 

Voice’s Old Susannah takes a look over the past week’s event’s in the ‘Deen and beyond. By Suzanne Kelly. 

Tally Ho!  This past week has been an exciting one on several counts.  The fireworks were amazing – when Nick Clegg tried to handle Question Time in Parliament, the poor man could not open his mouth without the Opposition attacking him.  Sadly, his friend(s) must have been confused, because they jeered him just as much as Labour did.

The speaker tried to calm the explosive situation to little avail.  Alas, going down in history for being heckled by both sides is possibly not what Mr Clegg intended.  (I recall he was helping Kate Dean with her image; that doesn’t seem to have worked out as intended, either).

It’s almost as if breaking one or two election pledges is not doing the LibDems any favours.  If things get any worse for Clegg, he’ll have to ask Kate to give him some popularity pointers.

On Sunday I ran into someone from the Scottish SPCA; there had been reports of an injured seal near Torry Harbour.  The Scottish SPCA couldn’t find the seal, nor could I.

Still, if anyone comes across any animals in distress, do call the Scottish SPCA on 03000 999 999.  (The leaflet to combat dog fighting will be ready for distribution from Saturday, and anyone who wants to help give these out should get in touch with Aberdeen Voice).

There were delicious canapés at Malmaison, lots of delicious eats at Café 52, and BrewDog has some particularly gorgeous craft beers on tap.  Moreover, the Dog has re-released ‘Ghost Deer’ – a strong, amazing beer in brilliant packaging. Perhaps I’m drawn to the Deer-themed artwork for some inexplicable reason.

I’m told a t-shirt will be produced soon; it seems a chief BrewDog artist works in the Aberdeen BrewDog bar – do check out the shirts on offer; they are a good example of locally-created, wearable artwork.

This Friday night I look forward to some pampering at Lush, and then heading to the Masked Ball in Union Terrace Gardens.  It sounds like a very creative and elegant affair, and the Balmoral Group organisers are holding this event in aid of Friends of Anchor.  This charity seeks to buy equipment and improve things at the ARI for cancer patients; a most worthy cause.  Pictures to follow.

Also this week artist Nicky Cairney got in touch to share some haunting artwork on the theme of Tullos Hill; she found the Hill’s story very moving and inspired this artwork.  More of her work can be found at www.nickycairney.co.uk.

I am sure that despite the rocky ground, visible waste everywhere, ploughed up gorse, resultant smaller wildlife numbers, dead deer and a fraction of the 89,000 trees planted, this great project alone will help our eventual city of culture bid.

Perhaps the Turners and Constables of the future will flock to the hill to paint pictures of rusty metal and tainted earth.

Limousine Bull is re-grouping.  If you weren’t aware, this art resource was forced to leave its premises in Torry a few months back over a funding crisis – a crisis that any one of our great and good self-proclaimed patrons of the arts or culture-loving former city administration could have stepped in and solved for a four-figure sum.

I guess they had more important things to fund instead of supporting a gallery space, a teaching space, and affordable studios for up-and-coming artists in Aberdeen to work in, which brought people to Torry, and brought artists together.  After all, we have to prove we’re a city of culture.

Closer to home, despite non-stop editorialising in the City Garden Project Press, aka ‘The Aberdeen Press & Journal’, Labour are sticking to their election pledge and aren’t going to build the web.

Never a news organ to let beautiful artwork sit idle, the P&J have trotted out the luridly coloured concept drawings from the doomed CGP several times this week.  (I really must start forcing myself to look at all the old P&Js, and seeing if there has been a single issue over the past 2 years which didn’t have a web story on the first few pages – but I just can’t bear the thought of it).

Granite web supporters (i.e. Scottish Enterprise and its sprog ‘Visit Scotland’, ACSEF, and the construction industry) would have you believe that the web should still be the salvation of Aberdeen and the reason no one wants to lead our city of culture bid is that we didn’t turn our only city centre green space into a granite-clad spaghetti junction and we didn’t mulch our ancient trees.

Perhaps by building the theatre in front of the theatre they were trying to do for performing arts what they did for high street shops by building Union Square Mall?

What kind of youth culture exactly is going on here?

Should we be the City of Culture?  While I did address this with a definition a while ago, it seems timely to do it again.   As people try to make a living in the Arts in Aberdeen with or without government support (such as Limousine Bull), let’s take another look at the great expense – sorry – benefits of becoming a City of Culture..

Youth Culture: (compound noun; English) A given collection of style, behavioural, ideological characteristics shared by a given group of young adults.

Well, we do have youth culture in Aberdeen, and not just the long-running international youth festival.  During Bonfire events, a group of young people in Seaton decided to throw burning pieces of wood at fire-fighters, and shoot fireworks in the firemen’s directions.  A group of young people assaulted two men as well.  What kind of youth culture exactly is going on here?

I think the problem lies in there not being a granite web.  You build your web, create 6,500 jobs, and then there will be no further problems.

Skateboarding, graffiti, hanging around smoking  and underage drinking can all be centralised in the web, perhaps in a ‘youth culture zone’.  This will please everyone who insists Union Terrace Gardens are filled with old drunks and druggies – we’ll get in a better class of sub-culture.  Younger drunks.  This indeed will help our city of culture bid.

Perhaps these violent outbursts are because we have too many affordable, exciting things for young people to do, too many arts and music programmes, too many places for them to socialise and have fun.  I think there is room for further cuts to library opening hours, music tuition, art and craft provision and so on.

City of Culture: (compound noun, English)  A European designation given to a city for one year; the city is meant to then put out a varied programme of performing and visual arts.

Right, we are all agreed (apparently) – we want to bid for and win the coveted (?) City of Culture title.  As described in Old Susannah No. 82, this might mean spending a few million here and there on things like giant spiders (nice fit with the web) which Liverpool spent £2 million on.  It will definitely mean building lots of new structures!  Result!

The unhappy millionaire builders we have locally will get to give us more ground breaking (probably greenbelt breaking) glass box buildings, malls and parking spaces.

Of course we have lots of buildings in the public and private sectors which we could put back into use (via tax incentives, improvement notices, discount rents to arts groups and social projects), but there’s little in it on the building front, and that’s what the City of Culture is all about – building new stuff.

Since the City of Culture bid for Aberdeen is being linked to the web, it is in the news nearly as much as those lovely drawings of the flower-covered, sunny web design.  It is prompting much discussion and speculation.

A friend of mine asked me:

 “why can’t we just have lots of events like we do anyway, and give more support to our local up-and-coming artists without spending money on the City of Culture Bid?”

I guess some people just can’t grasp the concept.

Unexpected: (adjective) An event or result which could not have reasonably been projected or forseen.

Here’s a coincidence for you.  Liverpool spent millions on its 2008 bid to successfully become the City of Culture.  Then there was a little coincidence in 2009, totally unrelated to this wonderful honour.

According to the Liverpool Echo newspaper of 29 December 2009:-

“Row brewing over £11m budget cuts proposal by Liverpool city council

“SCRAPPING school uniform grants for needy children, closing children’s respite homes and swimming baths and slashing culture spending are among cuts proposed by cash-strapped city bosses.

 “They have also put forward the closure of the Park Road swimming baths in Toxteth and cutting culture funding by £400,000.

“The options have been put forward by officers as they try to plug an unexpected £11m gap in next year’s budget.”

http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/liverpool-news/local-news/2009/12/29/row-brewing-over-11m-budget-cuts-proposal-by-liverpool-city-council-100252-25484325/

I suppose you couldn’t have expected that spending £2,000,000 on a giant spider, and spending  hundreds of thousands of pounds on the culture bid, and unknown quantities on management companies, events, building projects and so on in 2008 could have led to any financial hardships in 2009.  Who could have seen that coming??

The City of Culture was supposed to make everyone rich after all.  This promise of wealth has a bit of a familiar ring to it; I’m sure I’ve heard about some project somewhere in Aberdeen like that.

Old Susannah must write to Liverpool and ask them if they use the services of PriceWaterhouse Cooper when they make their financial forecasts.

Synthetic: (Adjective) something which has been artificially fabricated, as opposed to something that naturally grows.

Whether or not we get the City of Culture award, we can be glad we’re in a city which nurtures local talent, allows creative movements to grow, and encourages experimentation within the arts to occur organically.

Sure, there may not be any money for school music, arts programmes like Limousine Bull are being allowed to die, and talented fashion designers and video artists (like the unique Fraser Denholm) are leaving the city at an alarming pace to live and work elsewhere (heaven knows why they head to London and Glasgow).

Furthermore, the more cynical are asking whether no one wanted to take on the role of City of Culture director because we don’t retain our talent, because we don’t support the artists we do have enough, because we kicked Peacock in the teeth, because we don’t encourage children to take up art and music in school to a greater degree, and because there is no natural flowering of art in all the unused shops we have – which other cities manage to rent to artists on affordable bases.

No – the reason no one wanted the job is because we didn’t build the web.

But more importantly, we’ve got a couple of city council suits who are helping to sort our culture out.

These people have decided what ‘quarters’ parts of Aberdeen are.  We have the ‘merchant quarter’ on the green.  Sure, half of the shops are closed or closing, crippled by business rates, but we’ve put up signs saying ‘merchant quarter’ – so merchant quarter it is.

We must all rejoice in the arbitrary designating of ‘cultural quarters’, ‘merchant quarters’ ‘civic quarters’ and so on.  You can practically feel the difference when you step from the civic quarter into the merchant quarter can’t you?

In case you doubt Aberdeen City’s and ACSEF’s abilities to create awe-inspiring artwork and prose, here is a little something to keep you going until next week:   http://www.aberdeencity.gov.uk/nmsruntime/saveasdialog.asp?lID=38444&sID=14302

As you can appreciate, if you just let things happen, you wind up with places like Notting Hill Gate, Brick Lane and so on – areas that are a bit edgy and filled with unwashed artist and musician types.  Down with that sort of thing.  Remember to know what quarter of the city you’re in, and be glad someone more creative than you or I thought to slap labels on them.

Next week:  No quarter.

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