Feb 272014
 

Voice’s Old Susannah takes a look over the past week’s events in the ‘Deen and beyond. By Suzanne Kelly.
Dictionary

Another exciting week passes in Aberdeen; our very own Prime Minister Cameron came up for a nice wee chat, something about independence or other.

I haven’t been able to find much about this topic on the net, but if anything turns up, I’ll keep you posted.

A very huge thanks to a very kind stranger who lent me £5 for bus fare (a long story). Your cheque should be with you, nice to know there are a few kind people still out there.

In my ongoing quest for vegetarian food, I’ve been eating at Café 52 a bit (yes, I know the owners), and am getting used to eating lots of quorn stuff as well. To each his own, but I’m glad I’m doing this. I’m also off to the gym at the Thistle Altens, where there are few fashion victims, and lots of nice people.

I’m still trying to get good at running, something Ben Hukins inspired me to do. I achieved a personal best last week, and didn’t fall off the treadmill while watching the Winter Olympics. As far as I can tell, some people with red and blue flags have faster individuals than some other people with yellow or green flags. And of course, Pussy Riot got playfully teased (i.e. hit) by Cossacks. Good times.

Necessity forced me into a Morrisons recently for some cat food; I don’t usually shop there after an event some years ago. I saw one of their staff members walking around in their street shoes in one of the chiller areas, using the food storage area, filled with food, as a kind of step ladder.

‘How inventive’ I thought at the time, but wondered whether it was the most hygienic way to treat the chilled food I was going to bring home. Somehow the idea of someone walking around the streets of Aberdeen and then walking around on the food (even though packaged, I’d still have to touch it) I was going to prepare didn’t thrill me.

morrisons chller cabinet stepladder

I complained at the time, but was assured nothing like what I’d seen had actually happened. Fair enough. Old Susannah isn’t getting any younger, and you can’t argue with Morrisons, so I forgot about it.

Still, here is a little photo take from my recent visit to a Morrisons, of me imagining something that doesn’t happen in their stores.

You might wonder if there is some kind of guidelines or even laws about how food should be hygienically treated. Well, there are.

The thing is, whether it comes to food, childcare, animal welfare, or journalism, what laws and rules are actually enforced might on occasion be a subjective thing. You can’t expect important, busy and rich people to have to follow rules, and the same holds true of elected officials, governments, and of course private companies.

Here are a few relevant definitions to guide you through the legal minefield.

Ignorantia juris non excusat (Ignorance of the Law is no Excuse)(Latin phrase) – in law, not knowing a practice or act was illegal is not considered grounds for innocence. Or is it?
Applies to: you and me
Probably doesn’t apply to: Rebekah Brooks

Aside from a few bereaved parents, politicians and celebrities whose lives have been blighted, there is one standout victim of the ongoing Old Bailey trial into hacking, and that is poor Mrs Rebekah Brooks, former editor of News of the World, and husband-beater.

According to the BBC:

“Mrs Brooks said she “didn’t think anybody, me included, knew it was illegal”.

“She told the Old Bailey she felt “shock and horror” after she discovered murdered schoolgirl Milly Dowler’s phone had been hacked…. She said she was never asked to sanction the accessing of voicemails for a story during her time as editor of the newspaper.”

“’No journalist ever came to me and said ‘We’re working on so and so a story but we need to access their voicemail and we need to ask for my sanction to do it’, she said.”

“Even though I didn’t know it was illegal, I absolutely felt it was in the category of a serious breach of privacy’.”

That’s fair enough; I mean how could anyone have known or suspected it would be illegal to secretly spy on people? It’s not as if there is some kind of skill level you’d need to get the top job on such an illustrious, responsible, value-orientated newspaper. There’s not really time to get your nails done as well as to get up to speed on publishing laws.

Of course, her shock and horror at learning Milly Dowler’s phone was hacked was translated into direct action; it is impressive how she called those involved to account and dealt with them. By doing virtually nothing.

Brooks was a very busy woman, as Private Eye once reported, sometimes so busy she needed two or more hairdressers to attend to her curly red locks at work, much in the same way she needed her husband and a bit on the side in the form of Andy Coulson.

You might have expected Coulson’s high standard of ethics to rub off on Rebekah at some point, but alas, they didn’t. Coulson brought some of his other skills to bear in his role as David Cameron’s spin doctor. More on the sad demise of these media demi-gods can be found here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2480886/Rebekah-Brooks-Andy-Coulson-6-year-affair-phone-hacking-trial-hears.html.

If only there were some way Brooks could have known there was a law against hacking into private telephone conversations and messages. If only News International had say a legal department. I hear that such things exist.Of course Brooks could always turn to the police if she needed advice on what was legal and what wasn’t – the police were indeed in touch with the newspaper’s staff. Then again, the police were probably too busy selling secrets about the Royal Family to News International to dispense any legal advice.

There is also an obscure website – she couldn’t have known about it – which gives advice to professional editors and news professionals; it is called The Press Complaints Commission, and my sources say that News International may have had one or two dealings with them over the years. The code dates from 1991 and has recently been updated, though I can’t imagine why. Details can be found here, should you ever find yourself wondering if you should be writing stories based on information taken from the phones of missing children.

But it is the violation of family privacy that is most upsetting in this sorry tale. In times of trauma and crisis, you don’t want your secrets splashed out in lurid detail in the papers. If only the rest of the press had been as respectful of people as the News of the World had, then a lot of unnecessary shame and embarrassment could have been avoided.

Mrs Brooks is getting the best advice in the world.

When it emerged that Charlie Brooks, Rebekah’s husband, was found carrying some porno around with him, we all realised that the press needed to be reined in. Poor Charlie!

Of course, Old Susannah is just a little confused as to how, if you didn’t think something was illegal, you tried to hide the evidence of doing it by getting rid of black bin liners full of evidence. Anyone who can give me an explanation of that one is welcome to weigh in.

On a final note, rest your minds – Mrs Brooks is getting the best advice in the world. None other than Tony Blair, our former PM, and apparent co-author of the famous ‘dodgy dossier’ which led to our little foray into Iraq, is on the case. He’s kindly offered to advise Rupert Murdoch and Brooks.

How should Rebekah cope? ‘Tough up’, take sleeping pills, and go to the gym says Blair (who may or may not have been having a fling with Rupert’s then wife, Wendy Deng. It must be rather difficult at the office Christmas party for some of these couples). Now we know how he sleeps at night, which had proved something of a mystery.

Old Fashioned Discipline: (English phrase) – to ensure good behaviour by threatening, intimidating, injuring, terrorising.

Applies to: you and me
Doesn’t apply to: tough guys who think they’re doing the right thing, the armed forces.

Children need to know their place and who’s boss. Start them out right – like sending them to the Hamilton school, where as babies they will be taught how to be bored and ignored. Crying infants were left to their own devices as part of the school’s discipline ethics, according to recent reports. That’ll learn ‘em. And then we have those belligerent teens, who need some extra special discipline.

So their basic dignity and human rights may get a bit dented in the process, but discipline comes first. If you can’t find some highlands police to take them to a farm and terrorise them then you can always engage the child-rearing and fitness specialist, Norman McConnachie.

This poor man is in court accused of just doing what he thought was right – helping kids get off to a good start in life. He is accused of just doing the right thing by using a mix of a little ridicule, sexual abuse, torture and fear – all of which can go a long way to getting someone to be a useful member of society.

The Aberdeen high court has heard how in his own words he was just using ‘a little old-fashioned discipline’ and sees nothing wrong with calling teens fat and lazy. He’s no doubt doing the right thing by trying to make a 17 year old girl into a man.

I’m sure he’s the action-man hero he claims he is, but what’s this? A Facebook page called ‘Walter Mitty Hunters’ questions whether this ‘be all you can be’ guy can be all he says he is. For that matter, a few people have been in touch to share very curious observations about his behaviour. We’ll see if the courts uphold this macho fitness instructor, or if they’ll believe some fat, lazy teenage girls.

Intellectual Property: (Eng. legal compound noun) The right of the creator of a piece of work, art, music, film over the use of their work.
Applies to: you and me
Doesn’t apply to: SHMU (see related articles in Aberdeen Voice Public Image? Unauthorised Photos Published By SHMU), Aberdeen City Council (which used artwork on line without permission on at least one occasion).

Wildlife protection laws / Wildlife & Countryside Act 1981: (Modern English ) – laws set to protect wildlife from poaching, cruelty, trade
Applies to: virtually no one

Another day, another rare bird of prey is killed in the highlands (http://raptorpersecutionscotland.wordpress.com/2014/02/27/wildlife-protection-laws-have-had-little-impact-on-driven-grouse-moors/ ). Poisoned bait, illegal, cruel traps, shooting, it’s all the rage. After all, these birds eat other animals, and we can’t have that.

Thankfully, there are laws protecting our wildlife. Pity no one seems to have told the police these laws are to be enforced. Likewise, no one seems to have troubled the judicial system with any need for penalising the few people who do get caught.

I am proud to say that in Aberdeen, the police are as on the case as you would expect. When the severed limbs of deer were discovered on Tullos Hill (and on Kincorth hill by a city warden – but that doesn’t somehow count), the police sprang into action. They decided not to go to the press. They decided not to trouble the Scottish SPCA – there were no suspicious circumstances apparently – just the usual collection of butchered body parts.

They swiftly ensured no signs were posted to warn poachers their actions were illegal. They swiftly, well after a month, answered some of my questions about animal crimes. I can now – as a world exclusive – reveal that the police cannot confirm or deny that dogfighting is taking place in Aberdeen. Remember, you heard this bold, brave police statement here first.

What about all the incidents we know of from the press and Facebook of people attempting to steal dogs and cats?

They are busy behind the scenes, cracking the criminal rings

What about the person who got in touch with me to say they gave the police a description of someone who tried to make off with their dog and that the police dissuaded them from taking the matter further. Well, Police Scotland has come forward to say that there was one reported case in 2013 of an animal theft.

You could start to wonder whether there is a conspiracy of silence. Do the police and our local government want to keep unsavoury crime under wraps so as not to upset potential incoming businesses and residents? Are we keen to deny evidence, such as the nearly starved dog found last year in the north of the city which showed signs of dogfighting abuse?

Are the authorities keeping info back from the Scottish SPCA when they failed to pass on the dismembered deer details? Of course not. They are busy behind the scenes, cracking the criminal rings involved in organised animal crime, and those behind bird of prey poisonings. If we got too much info, that would clearly tip the gangs off, and they might cut their activities down. Since we’ve had such a successful police response to our tiny local car crime problem, let’s just leave them to it on animal issues as well.

So, the next time you forget you’ve let your tax disc expire or the next time you park in the wrong place at the wrong time, just tell the authorities you didn’t realise you were doing wrong. It seems to work for everyone else.

And now, time for a BrewDog.

Next Week: More legal definitions , courtesy of Trump, the University of Florida, Atos, and the government’s plans to sell your NHS files to private companies. Sleep well.

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May 172013
 

Moray based theatre company Right Lines Productions, in association with Eden Court, are touring a powerful new play throughout Scotland in May.  Be Silent or Be Killed, written by Euan Martin and Dave Smith, and is based on the true story of Roger Hunt as told in his book by Roger Hunt and Kenny Kemp.

A production of intense, dramatic theatre, Be Silent or Be Killed concerns the impact of international terrorism on the individual and the resilience of the human spirit in the face of adversity.
The production is a multi-media project, with the audio/visual aspects being an integral part of the process from the outset.

In November 2008, Roger, a North East businessman set off from his home in Macduff destined for Mumbai, to set up a new project for the Royal Bank of Scotland in the country’s financial capital.  However, little did Roger know that this routine business trip would turn into an extraordinary, life-changing experience.

Shortly after his arrival in Mumbai, Roger became caught up in a deadly terrorist attack which claimed the lives of many innocent people.

For 40 hours, Roger lay hidden and alone in his hotel bedroom as terrorists moved from floor to floor seeking Western targets. Amazingly, he was able to communicate via his BlackBerry with colleagues at RBS headquarters in Edinburgh, and it was this support, along with Roger’s calculated decision-making, personal resilience and determination to survive that led to his eventual rescue.

The fourth anniversary of his ordeal was in November 2012.

Euan Martin commented:

“We were absolutely delighted when Roger agreed to Right Lines adapting his story for the stage. He and his wife Irene have been 100% behind the project from the outset.  He has seen the script and is comfortable with it which is a great relief! 

“Needless to say, there are some difficult issues to tackle in the story and we deal with that in an interesting theatrical way.  However, there are also lighter moments in the show – believe it or not we manage to cover Aberdeen Football Club and disco dancing at different points in the play – so it’s not all about a man hiding behind a sofa for 60 minutes!”

“Be Silent will really appeal to a teenage and young adult audience because it is relatively short, but action-packed.  The sound design by Forres man Dave Martin is fantastic and the video projection work by our colleague John McGeoch from Arts In Motion is really innovative and engaging.”

The tour will commence in Inverness and other venues include Musselburgh, Perth, Cumbernauld, Falkirk, Greenock, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Dunfermline, Glenrothes, Findhorn and Paisley, before finishing in Aberdeen.

The highly talented Scottish cast includes James Mackenzie, who plays Roger. The other cast members are Helen Mackay (Irene) and Ewan Donald (Chris) and the play is directed by Ian Grieve, all of whom have worked with Right Lines previously. Set and Video Design is by John McGeoch, Sound Design by Dave Martin and costumier is Kay Smith.

Be Silent Or Be Killed

The Lemon Tree, Aberdeen Friday 24 & Saturday 25 May 7pm 

£12/£10 + booking fee
Box Office 01224 641122
www.boxofficeaberdeen.com

Post show discussion with Roger Hunt Saturday 25 May

Apr 182013
 

By Bob Smith.

A wis brocht up tae believe gweed menners wis a necessary social skill.

Onybody faa displayed ony kine o bad menners wis leukit on as a social pariah. Ye war learn’t bi yer mither an faither an teachers aboot sic things so a ayewis thocht fowk faa war lackin in the skills o gweed menners hidna bin brocht up richt. Nooadays a think it still is a bittie doon tae parents bit it’s  maybe a society thingie as weel.

There are still a lot o weel mennered fowk gyaan aboot bit the increase in ill-mennered cyaards is een o society’s curses

Noo yer hardly likely tae mak a gweed impression if yer rude an abrasive,an ye see plenty o iss type o cairry on in TV programmes. Fer instance TV an radio interviewers askin somebody a question an then interruptin afore the bodie bein askit the question feenishes answerin. TV soaps faar scraichin, bawlin an insultin fowk wid appear tae be the norm.

Nae wunner fowk are becumin mair ill-mennered. We hear aboot fit they ca “road rage”. Iss is jist anither name fer bad menners fin ahint the wheel o a motor vehicle.  Stickin the finger up an yellin obscenities jist cos some craitur micht be huddin fowk up is mair an mair noticeable. Cairryin o a blether or haein their mobile switched on at the picters or the theatre is anither example o modern day ill-mennered tykes.

A’ll tak ye back aroon 50/60 ear ago tae a time fan gweed menners wis jist expectit o fowk.

Fin ye wis oot on a date wi a quine ye aye waakit on the street side o the pavement. Iss gings back ti the days fin gentlemen protectit their weemin fae the perils o the road an the gutter. A still git a richt glower fae the wife if a forget tae dee iss.

Ye aye held the doors open fer fowk faa war ahint ye tae waak throwe an ye aye got a thunk ye fer deein so. An ye sure as hell lessened the chunce o anither date if ye didna staun up an hud yer quine’s coat fer her tae pit oan if yer war oot fer a cup o coffee in a cafe or a restaurant (ye only took quines oot fer a meal if ye war “gyaan steady” cos wi wages bein fit they war back then, ye cwidna affoord tae dee iss verra afen).

Fin ye took a quine tae the picters ye aye pyed fer baith seats. A chiel wid hae bin black affrontit if the quine hid offered tae “gyang dutch”, an ye nivver refused a ladies’ choice at the duncin even if the quine wisna tae yer taste. It wid hae bin leukit on as bein the hicht o bad menners.

Iss applied tae baith sexes bit a quine cwid refuse tae dunce wi a chiel if he wis the warse fer weer wi booze.

Mannies an loons ayewis got up tae gie somebody o mair mature ‘ ears or the opposite sex a seat on the bus if it wis staanin room only. Sweirin in front o weemin wis a thing  ye verra rarely heard. Nooadays it’s maistly the weemin faa dee the sweirin.

As a said at the beginnin o aa iss there are still some fowk faa display gweed menners bit they’re gettin a bittie thinner on the grun.  A div like the followin quote “Treat fowk as ye wid like tae be treated. Karma’s only a bitch if you are”  TV an radio interviewers please tak note.

O aye, an espeecially you as weel Mr Trump.

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Apr 062012
 

A report on the UTG referendum was discussed at a meeting of full council on Wednesday with a view to it being approved before being sent to the Scottish Government. Friends of Union Terrace Gardens chairman Mike Shepherd was permitted to give a deputation. Aberden voice presents Mike’s deputation in full.

“I was allowed to give a deputation here in January when I said that the FoUTG would agree to take part in a referendum if it was fair.

We agreed to the referendum in spite of the shameful behaviour of this council in ignoring the result of the public consultation two years ago. We agreed for two reasons.

First, we saw the CGP as a juggernaut pushed through relentlessly by business and a friendly council. There were only two options to stop this; either through the referendum or legal action. We chose the referendum.

Secondly, we chose this route through public spirit. We were only too aware of the poisonous attitudes building on both sides of the issue. Aberdeen was at war with itself. A fair referendum was the only way of killing this beast.

I also told the council that the referendum would have to be fair because implicit in taking part was that we accepted the final result, whatever it was. This was said in good faith.

THIS WAS NOT A FAIR REFERENDUM!

We do not accept the result. The process was flawed. Internet and phone voting should not have been allowed as without signatures, this was open to fraud. The Green party have also asked me to complain about their shortened message in the information pack that was sent out.

The City Garden Project supporters were allowed to spend tens of thousands of pounds on PR, newspapers, leaflets and radio ads. This money spent on advertising bought a marginal result for the referendum.

The ads were often misleading and in some instances blatantly so. We were told of a bogus £182M investment, consisting of a bogus £15M of private investment and a bogus £20M Art Gallery grant which didn’t exist. One misleading ad is under investigation by the Advertising Standards Authority.

This council also misled the public. The claim that a new park could create 6,500 jobs was utterly ludicrous. They did not explain the risks of borrowing through TIF properly, even when Audit Scotland expressed their concerns about the long term implications for the Council’s finances.

You are £618M in debt, you cannot afford the risk on further borrowing.

The council were partial to one side of the referendum. The ACGT were allowed to show a video in the Art Gallery, council property, yet we were excluded until after several days of complaint on the matter.

This was a dishonest referendum. The public were misled right up the City Garden path. The council should vote to ignore the result. Furthermore, this report should not be passed onto the Scottish Government as suggested. The proposal to spend valuable investment and infrastructure money on something as trivial as a new park is a disgrace.

We do not accept the result of the referendum and we intend to carry on campaigning to save Union Terrace Gardens. Thank you.”

Evening Express report here.  http://www.eveningexpress.co.uk/Article.aspx

Feb 292012
 

By Bob Smith. 

Union Street-eence an elegant lady
Full o verve an flair
Nooadays she’s an aul hag
Faa’s sprootin facial hair

Biggins they war clean an bricht
Maist wi a fine granite wa
Some noo in need o a dicht
Ti wash dirt an stoor awa

Ye hid shoppies o aa descriptions
Sellin different kines o goods
Noo ye’ve git phone shops
Sellin mobiles ti flashy dudes

Fer smairt sartorial elegance
Yon Fred Watt fittit the bill
We’re left wi multi nationals
Faa’s prices wid mak ye ill

We hid bakers an grocers shops
Car showrooms showin their wares
Local baccy shops an fruit merchants
As weel as butchers sellin hares

Shopkeepers eesed aye ti keep
Pavements free o sna an ice
Ask them ti dee aat nooadays
Maist widna tak yer advice

On pavements eence bonnie an clean
There’s tabbies an chuddy aa stuck
Faith ye nivver are affa sure
Fit’s drappit amang iss muck

Biggins up abeen the shops
War clean an used as flats
Nooadays they’re dreich an worn
An mair suited for some bats

The restaurant at the Capitol
Wis famous fer its high tea
Syne ye gid throwe ti the picters
An drooled ower Sandra Dee

Setterday nichts on Union Street
Eesed ti be aa gweed fun
Noo ye’ll git a richt kickin
As yer lyin on the grun

Worst o aa noo is the traffic
The cause o noise an soss
Maist drivin doon Union Street
They jist cudna gie a toss

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2011

Nov 242011
 

By Bob Smith.


Silence we need noo an again
Yet it’s affa hard ti find
Aabody fleein aroon at sic a rate
Takin pairt in life’s daily grind

Silence wid be a bonus
Fin we jist sit aroon an think
Yet afen silence passes by
t’s past afore ye blink

Silence on a bonnie day
On a hilltop far fae toons
Watchin the cloods floatin by
Is een o life’s great boons

Silence fae noise o motor cars
Or mobile phones eynless  ringin
Silence jist ti rest yer brain
An ti hear the birdies singin

Silence is a gift ye ken
An een nae afen gien
Wi chatter, clatter an bangin
Silence seen becomes yer freen

A “Silence Day” we shud hae
Fin ti scraich an yell’s a crime
An raakin up the decibels
Wid git some a hefty fine

Silence tho micht be nae gweed
Ti an aul body bi thersel
Silence wi naebody ti spik ti
Wid bi seen as a livin hell

It canna be ower muckle ti ask
Fer fowk ti be a bittie quairt
Iss micht jist hae fowk smilin
Fin silence it taks pairt

©Bob Smith “The Poetry Mannie” 2011
 Image credit: © Craig Hanson | Dreamstime.com